Original subtitles

It was such a beautiful service.

Hey, man, I think all of Washington turned out for this one.

They were actually going out onto Wisconsin Avenue.

You know, when Cronkite was giving the eulogy, I think I actually heard his

voice crack.

Oh, if Murphy could have seen the turnout, it would have pleased her so

Hey, guys, what's happening?

Murphy? Where have you been?

Oh, I had a tennis game. You should have seen it. I had Newt Gingrich running up

and down the court, and then he rushed in it, and I drove a shot right into his

Adam's apple.

Why the long faces?

Murphy, we buried Jim Dial today.

No!

Can you connect me to Jim Dial's room, please?

Don't you dare, mister.

The front desk can take a message.

Jim, it's Murphy. It's not important. I'll talk to you tomorrow.

I bought you violets for your furs.

And it was spring for a while, I remember.

Oh, Jim, I love your voice. And I'd forgotten what a terrific dancer you

Well, one of the perks of living in a hotel is I can call housekeeping any

and cha -cha with the chambermaids.

Roberta taught me this move.

That's Roberta. You're my mechanic.

Another log for the fire.

I feel a lot more comfortable if we had more guys with us tonight.

Budget cuts.

Thank you, Mr. Mayor.

Ironic, isn't it?

Last crack house I busted, the mail was there.

It's untrue.

What's that?

It's Tumpin' Up and Geraldo tagged along and insisted on taking off his shirt.

Hey,

Murph. Frank, why are you whispering?

Swat. I said, why are you whispering?

Swat. Why are you whispering?

Swat.

I want to see if you're all right.

Yeah, I just needed to hear a familiar voice.

Frank, I dreamed that Jim was dead.

Look, you'll be okay, Murph. It was just a dream.

Shut up. Get off the phone. Get off the phone. I gotta go. I gotta go. You're

gonna be all right. Just try to get some sleep, okay?

Let's get in a position.

Chatty Cat, are you coming?

I just gotta make a phone call.

While you're at it, why don't you call up our drug dealer friend and let him

know we're downstairs hiding.

So if he wants to start loading his Uzi, that would be a good time.

Mrs. Frank, when you pick up this message, call Murphy. I'm a little

about her.

Hello. Hi, Murphy.

Oh, hi, Kay. What are you doing up? You know, it just occurred to me you've

probably never heard Boris talk, have you?

Boris who?

Boris, my macaw.

Boris, my macaw? Who's Boris, my macaw?

Wasn't he married to Bridget Nielsen?

No, no, Boris is my bird.

He's got a mouth like a sailor. Listen to this. And I have to warn you, his

language is not for the faint of heart.

Go ahead, Boris. Swear.

I tell you, he made David Mamet blush.

Come on, Boris. Swoop for Murphy.

Very filthy.

He should be ashamed of himself.

Good night, Kate. No, no, no. Don't hang up. You'll never forgive yourself if

you don't hear the sewage that spews from his little beak.

Come on, honey.

Come on. Come on. Curse the mummy.

Come on.

Okay, Boris.

Time to go to bed.

Rat bastard, rat bastard.

Did you hear that? Did you hear what he said?

I'm impressed.

Avery's only doing algebra.

Oh, um, having trouble sleeping?

Yeah, how did you know?

Frank called.

Oh, it's no big deal. It's just a late night heebie -jeebies.

You know what might help?

A little baking.

A little baking?

Have we met?

Come on, I've heard you sing. It can't be any worse than that.

No one ever needed their stomach pumped because of my singing.

Hey, I've got an idea.

Let's make cookies.

I don't think so.

Okay, it was just a suggestion.

So I'll see you tomorrow.

Okay, wait.

I've never made cookies before.

Well, put me on hold. Run downstairs. I'll meet you in the kitchen.

I'm going to get you through the night.

Ah, Mom.

She knows there's no... Jim, what's that?

It seems Murphy called earlier.

Well, then.

Jim, you want to call her, don't you?

Well, I do, of course. She might need me.

But then there's nothing saying she won't need me in 30 minutes.

Not that I'm promising anything.

I'll give you a little privacy.

Okay, Murphy.

Time to make cookies.

Open your fridge.

I'm fresh out of vanilla extract.

I just bought some AA batteries. Can we do anything with them?

Let me guess. You have a very roomy refrigerator.

Frankly, I don't trust those people who have those whistle -clean, well

-organized, well -stocked refrigerators. Those kind of people are always just a

little bit insane.

You're telling me.

Okay. Get your chocolate chips.

You have chocolate chips, right?

Uh, of course. Who doesn't got chocolate chips?

Okey -dokey.

Uh, what's next?

Oh, hold on, my other line is ringing.

Hello? Hey, Slicker, I got your message.

Sorry I didn't call earlier, but I'm entertaining Doris. Is everything all

right? Oh, yeah, I'm fine now. Doris is over? Well, that's great.

Um, I don't want to keep you, Ted, so I'll see you tomorrow.

No, no, no, we can talk now.

Doris is powdering her nose.

Do women still do that?

Do men still say that women do that?

I don't know.

Are you all right?

I'm alone with my wife, and I'm scared out of my mind.

So the LeBaron's been in the garage for a year. It'll still start.

But what if we wake up tomorrow morning and we find out there's nothing left

between us?

Jim, she's probably feeling just the same way. I'll bet she's sitting on the

edge of the tub right now, afraid to come out. I mean, just the fact that

both still nervous is a sign that there's something between you.

I suppose you're right.

Here she comes. I've got to go. Thank you, Murphy.

I borrowed your robe.

I hope that's all right. Yes, very nice.

But what am I going to wear?

Oh, you're right.

Here.

Oh, boy.

Okay. We preheat our oven to 375 degrees.

Hang on a sec. I'm going to put you on speakerphone.

Okay.

You know, Kay, I really appreciate you doing this, but you're not going to get

lot of sleep tonight.

Oh, I'm one of those lucky duckies who only needs three hours a night.

All right. The oven's fired up. Let's make some cookies. What do I do?

Measure the ingredients exactly. Do you have your measuring cups and spoons?

Yeah, yeah. I got them right here.

In your small mixing bowl, add one teaspoon baking soda to two and one

cups flour.

Toss in one teaspoon salt.

Okay.

Got it.

It's okay.

Three hours of sleep. Is that enough?

Oh, it got hairy when I was an air traffic controller.

You can't take catnaps on that job, trust me.

Sugar? Two cups.

What is that, about 75 packets?

62.

Wow, look at me. I am making cookie dough.

Why didn't you tell me, Kay? This is easy.

Well, congratulations.

Very few women give birth before they bake a batch of cookie.

Well, not me. I created my easy -bake oven for a Smith -Draw typewriter, and I

never looked back.

I gave my little oven to the boy next door, and he made an entire Thanksgiving

dinner that my father still talks about, which is why I don't bake, so thanks

for bringing it up.

Oh, hey, don't go anywhere.

Yeah?

Hi. Murphy, I got a message from Frank.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay, Gorky. I'm making chocolate chip cookies.

Don't move, Murphy. I'll be there in 20 minutes.

I'm in the garage of my condo.

Came down here to look for my ABBA album.

I didn't give it to you, did I, Murphy?

ABBA? Not a chance.

Murphy, have you been crying?

A little.

While I was looking for my album, I came across some of my old things.

Like, here's one of his little blue blazers.

Oh, look at this little yarmulke.

It's from the Feldman's wedding.

Bernie and Shirley are still together.

Oh, God.

What is it, Corky?

Murphy, I'm terrified that nobody else is ever going to love me again.

Of course they will, Corky. Oh, God, I forgot I have Kay on the other line.

Oh, could you do it three -way? I need to ask her something.

Okay, I'll try.

It's very important.

Kay, Corky wants to talk to you.

Hi, Kay. Do you have my ABBA album?

Yes, I do.

Oh, good.

You don't want it back, do you? I got creative one night. I made it into an

ashtray. Even as an ashtray, they suck.

What are you doing up?

Sitting here in my storage locker, going through some of my old stuff.

I know I should throw it out.

I'm just not sure if I'm ready.

I assume that all those treasures were once in a closet.

Then you put them all into a box.

Then you put that box in the bottom of the closet.

Now that box has worked its way down to your storage locker, I'm guessing the

only thing worth hanging on to is the box.

Kate, are you about a man's size seven?

All right, Kate, I'm ready to mix. All right, take your mix master.

I don't have a mix master.

Then use your hand mixer.

My what?

Hey, are you forgetting who you're talking to?

Murphy, go scrape the crud off the fork that's in your sink and use that.

Oh, thanks, Forky.

Okay, ingredient checklist.

Two and one quarter cups flour, two cups sugar, two eggs, one cup butter.

Okay.

Maybe I should call Miles.

No!

Big mistake.

Well, what if I never meet anybody else?

Corky, the right person is there for you. I mean, he may not be down there in

the garage of your condo at 1245 in the morning, but he's out there.

I hope you're right.

Hello. Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to startle you. I just moved into 102.

Oh.

It's perfectly all right.

Marky, Kay, I gotta go.

Hi.

I'm Hank Roberts.

Hi, Hank.

Porky Sherwood.

Oh, look at us. We look like we just fell off a wedding cake.

I just came from the opera. It was my first time.

So, just moved in, huh?

Well, I'm sure you'll like it here. It's a great building, you know, for

couples. Oh, actually, it's just me. I recently split up with my significant

other. Oh, you did?

Oh.

Yeah.

I thought it would last forever, but, well, that's how it goes.

And now I have to figure out how to put ten years of my old life into a 12 by 14

cage. Yeah.

I'm kind of going through the same thing myself right now.

Oh, I'm sorry.

It's tough.

Yeah.

You know, it's the little things you miss.

Like waking up together early on a Sunday morning.

You like to do that, too?

It's so quiet. It's my favorite time of the week. Oh, yeah. We would lay around

in bed for hours, read the paper, and doze off until late morning. I love it.

do that.

And then afterwards we'd go to Clyde's for brunch. Oh, I love that place.

I'd order the eggs Florentine and Tony would have the steak and eggs.

Tony? Oh, yeah.

And then to work it all off, we'd go out and we'd throw the football around.

Tony could throw a spiral like nobody else.

Football.

Do you mind if I ask you something?

What does Tony do for a living?

Interior design.

Oh, sweet.

I'm curious meeting you.

I'll see you around. Yeah, sure.

Murphy?

Hi. Corky.

You okay?

Good. Yeah, I'm doing okay, too.

Just made a fool out of myself, though.

Sometimes, honestly, I think this whole men thing isn't even worth the trouble.

Excuse me.

I just replayed our conversation in my head. Tony is a woman.

You knew that, right?

Of course I knew that.

I gotta go, Mike.

Okay, we're going in. Ready?

Look out!

Want to protect your kids from... You know,

I think this is the most we've ever talked since we started working

Oh, that's not true. We talk all the time.

Yeah, not the way you talk with Corky and Frank and Jim.

Well, I know them better.

Sometimes I feel like I'm part of the group, but it seems like I just can't

break through that tight little circle you all have.

Okay, here's the truth.

We've tried to let you in, but you don't exactly make it easy with your weird

stories and your eccentric ways.

Every day I'm expecting a call that Kay quit and she's off spelunking in Borneo.

Kay?

All right.

I tried it. I didn't like it.

Any place where a tiny insect can kill livestock in less than a minute is not

for me.

Maybe this is the nature of our relationship. I'll say something clever,

say something clever, and we'll never really say anything.

So where do we go from here?

In the morning, you'll go to work, and I'll go home.

And we'll talk.

And then we'll decide where we go from here.

I don't want to lose you.

You haven't yet.

You know, I used to get nightmared.

You did? Oh, and how big, bold, cinemascope, technicolor nightmares.

Floods and fires, buildings topping onto people.

Siskel and Ebert used to give them two thumbs up.

But you know, Murphy, they went away.

Why?

I stopped eating Thai food and watching Psycho before going to bed.

You know, I've never had nightmares before.

I guess I've never been afraid of anything before.

Until I got sick.

This is the first time in my life I'm dealing with something I can't threaten

intimidate.

Or chase down Pennsylvania Avenue with a snowblower.

I heard about that one.

It's bad enough this thing follows me while I'm awake. Now it's invading my

sleep.

I can smell my cookie. Oh, that means you're almost done.

So, Kate?

What, Murphy?

What's the real reason you only sleep three hours a night?

I guess truth be known, I'm afraid of wasting any more time.

Do you realize I've had 26 different jobs over the last 30 years? That's 26

ends.

And now here I am, 51 years old, and I feel like I'm finally beginning my

career. But you know, with all these miracle drugs and antioxidants, you'll

to be 120. So if you think about it that way, you're right on track.

The cookies are ready. Oh, goody.

is going to be a big urge to eat them right off the bat, but you have to wait

least ten minutes while they cool.

Oh, someone's beeping in again. Hold on.

Hello?

Oh,

hey, Frank.

Oh, no, I'm up. Hold on.

Kay, it's Frank.

Oh, you should take it.

Really?

Are we done?

Yeah, we're done.

Okay, yeah.

Well, then I'll see you tomorrow.

Yeah, see you tomorrow.

Hey, Frank.

Hey, I'm glad I caught you up. I was afraid I was going to wake you.

No, no.

So how'd your stakeout go?

It was unbelievable.

There was a guy with a gun. He was going to shoot one of the cops, and I was a

few feet away, and I don't know what happened. I just dove after him and,

well... Wow, you saved somebody's life?

I guess so, but...

I tell you, I'm just shaking, man.

Hey, you got stones, Fontana.

See you.

So what are you doing up, Murph?

Frank, I, Murphy Brown, have made cookies from scratch.

You're not going to bring them into work, are you?

Although it would create an opportunity for me to save more lives.

You know, Murph, I've been through a million of these things. You got to tell

one more time why I put myself in these situations.

Because... You're good at it, and because you like doing it. Yeah, but I'm

scared to death. I don't know.

Maybe I'm just getting older and smarter.

And maybe it's just healthy to be scared.

You think so?

I hope so.

Hey, you talking to Murphy Brown?

Yeah. I'll ask her if she'd ever take a cop.

Tell her I'm a captain, and I'm light on my feet.

Perfect, though.

Bye.

Good night, Frank.

See you.

Mom? She had her bed, and you weren't there, and I got scared.

Oh, honey, I'm sorry. I was down here baking cookies.

Where's my real mom?

Oh, look, Avery.

Baked goods. And I made them from scratch. Here, try one.

Let's take.

Okay. Now you're pushing it.

Go back upstairs and I'll come tuck you in in a sec. All right, Mom.

Okay.

Hello?

Hey, Kay.

Murphy? Yeah.

Thanks for getting me through the night.

You know, it's a two -way street.

You know, we should have dinner tomorrow.

We'll talk.

I mean, we'll eat, too, but mostly we'll talk.

How about an early dinner, say, around midnight?

I'd like that.

Okay. Good night.

Night.