Original subtitles

I still can't get used to this. The New York Times with color photographs.

Well, I'm glad the Times added color.

Why, the other day they ran a picture of Madeleine Albright and I could tell

just by her mouthy green suit that the Middle East talks were in the dumper.

Hey, publishing is competitive. You either run Madeleine Albright in color

you run her in lingerie. It's your choice.

Color.

Oh, great. You're all here.

That's just one of the advantages of coming in half an hour late. Oh, I'm

but I think I can be forgiven. I've got some news.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, Frank. We know. It's your birthday, and you want marble cake

with buttercream frosting, and Leslie Sharper Image has your list.

We're going to get her wig last night.

Oh, dear.

Damn chemotherapy.

She put it off as long as she could, but it was depressing watching her hair

fall out. So last night, she cut her hair back as much as she could, and she

on a wig.

Oh, I can't even imagine how bad she feels.

Well, that time when Mr. Joseph cut my bangs too short, I took to my bed.

You know something?

Cancer's like the bathroom at the bus station. There's not a damn thing good

about it.

Come on. In a year's time, she'll have a full head of hair again.

Really? Absolutely. I know a few things about hair loss.

I'm a survivor.

happened to your toupee?

I miss Fluffy. Little Fluffy Fontana.

Gave it a name?

Really? Corky. I always referred to it as Frank's area rug.

I'd love to see you in a toupee, Frank.

Well, it's too late now. I wore it once to Vegas.

Front row for the Beresini orangutans.

Details are superfluous.

Guys, look.

Let's make this a normal morning. If Murphy brings it up, fine. But

it's business as usual.

Well, I'm just glad I got some warning.

I know myself.

I heard people walk in with that wig on, and I wouldn't be able to take my eyes

off of it. It's just my way.

Something catches me off guard, and I just fixate on it.

My brain tells me to look away, but my eyes just keep on staring.

It's a skin tag, Corky. Get over it.

Good morning. Murphy.

Hi,

guys. Hi. Just another typical day.

Hey, everybody. How about comfy?

Perfect.

Thanks.

I think that went well.

Just getting myself some tea.

Great shoes.

Jim, dig Murphy's shoes.

Oh, yes. Good. Sensible shoes.

Corky?

Where do you find such great shoes?

The shoe store.

Hey, Murph, you know what's on TV tonight?

Live from Madison Square Garden, the American Kennel Club dog show.

Oh, God, I love that, too. I have been desperate to do that dog walker's trot.

I've been practicing all year. Watch this.

No, no, no. You've got to keep your shoulders down more like this.

I especially love the backstage stuff. You know where they blow dry those

terriers? I swear, those dogs spend more time on their hair.

I'm so sorry.

Oh, guys, it's okay.

I know how hard you're trying to make me not feel self -conscious, but it's

really not necessary. I appreciate it, but yes, I'm wearing a wig.

Corky's still free to talk about dog hair. After all, this is America.

It's a terrific wig. You look great.

Really? Oh, thanks.

And those I've had more than my share of bad hairstyles. I guess this can't be

any worse than some of them. Oh, I'll say.

Remember that perm of yours? Those were the teeniest...

girls I've ever seen. My lord, from the back you look like a big blonde bunch of

broccoli.

I don't even think of it as a wig. I think of it as a short furry cat.

When Avery and I play catch, I can just turn it backwards.

Hey Frank, put a pin in whatever you're doing and hip hop up to editing.

What's going on?

You know your piece on sports utility vehicle, guzzling gas and depleting the

ozone?

Yeah.

Need the little tweaking.

What kind of tweaking?

The kind you do when you find out that our new sponsor makes them.

Okay, I am going, but I'm not tweaking, all right? Our sponsors, this network,

it's unbelievable.

Hey,

that was a good one. But how long do you think Lloyd can stall it? Not long.

Lloyd's a little pissy since I didn't invite him to the party.

I don't want to be harsh, but he's truly the dullest man alive.

Hey, I had to dance with him at the Christmas party. Believe me, dull is not

worst attribute.

Did you ever get a good look inside his ears? It's like a terrarium.

Jim, get Murphy.

Right.

Murphy?

What's up? It's time for Frank's birthday party. Oh, okay. Hey, Murphy,

birthday cake?

Is that on your desk? In the credenza?

Oh, God, it's pink.

What?

Got Frank's birthday cake?

How could... Murphy, it's not in your office. Where'd you put it?

I forgot it. I'm sorry.

We can't have a party without... It was an oversight. It could have happened to

anyone.

Oh, it's okay. Who needs those extra calories anyway? Really?

Cake, cake, cake. Who's got the cake? No need for a cake this year.

Oh, sure.

And which one of you geniuses forgot the cake? Me. I forgot it. I hate cake.

How could I forget Frank's cake? Oh, it's no big deal. I forget things all

time. Last night, I went to the grocery store. I have no idea why I decided to

leave. I couldn't remember where I parked my car.

See, I don't even remember the point of the story.

Oh, gee, that's so sad.

Surprise!

Guys, you remembered.

Finally, you remembered. No, I'm just kidding.

This is great. This is really great. Happy birthday.

This one's from Jim.

Oh, wow. What have you done to me this time?

Oh, hey, Jim, this is great. You know how I love equipment.

That little dwarf does it. I'm in stitches.

This is for me.

Oh, my goodness.

Is it a whoopee cushion? I didn't even know they still made these things.

Oh, from Murphy.

What dastardly deed have you done this to? Look at the Jojo Almighty. Good

mislead here. All right, let's check this out.

Oh, what was... The Casimir sweater?

I'm sorry.

We were supposed to bring you a gag gift, and I bought you a $300 sweater.

must hate me.

Are you crazy? Hey, this is great.

It's just... It's really great.

You know, besides...

This is a party. What really matters is cake. Let's bring on the birthday cake.

I forgot it, Frank. I'm sorry.

Oh. Well, you know what? No problem. No problem. Look, these candles are over

here. We put them right in this donut.

Oh, that's a great idea. It's not a great idea.

It's Frank's birthday, and there's no cake, and it's my fault, and I have

cancer, and I had to allow myself three extra hours this morning to...

draw on my eyebrows and glue on my eyelashes and wear this incredibly

uncomfortable wig.

Behold, 47 grams of fat. A dark chocolate shell surrounding a festival

cashews, caramel, and nougatty goodness.

Oh, candy!

Yep, I had a craving for something from my childhood, and my lollipop underpants

don't fit me anymore, so I went down to see Dougie at the newsstand, and I asked

him for one of these babies.

Don't you just love Dougie?

Oh, Murphy, I'm so happy for you. Yep, now I'm going to eat it, and I'm not

going to give you a bite. I don't care how many times you ask.

Expiration date on this thing.

I think Dougie could sell something that was made after the Nixon

administration. Listen to this.

It's going to make when I bounce it off Sucky's forehead.

Poor Murphy.

She's like an emotional teeter -totter.

We have to do it, and we have to do it now.

I don't know. An intervention?

It seems so radical.

Oh, come on. She's just depressed about the wig.

And last week it was about her white blood count, and the week before it was

when they had to fiddle with her chemo dosage, and the week before that... It's

been a long month, but my God, what she's going through.

Come on, we need to do this. All right, look, let me go and talk to her. I know

her better than anyone else. You trust me. Let me give it a try.

Frank, didn't you talk to her at dinner last night? Well, I tried. Let me just

try again, okay? No, face it, Frank. We're not enough to help her. Not

Oh, I don't know. A therapy group?

You know, Frank, Dr.

Bishniak put me in group therapy a few weeks ago, and I sort of like it.

Really? Yeah, there's something very comforting about sitting in a room full

people and being the only one not afraid of fruit.

I think that I can't help her.

Let's go in.

Jim?

Oh, it's not the therapy I mind.

It's all of us going in there, ganging up on her.

We're not ganging up.

Ganging up is when we told Frank not to wear Paco Rabanne on show night.

It's a wonderful manly scent.

This isn't about birthday cake, is it? Because I still don't have any.

This is about cancer.

Oh, good, because I have plenty of that.

Murphy, we want you to join a breast cancer support group.

Oh? We can listen to you then, and we can give you our sympathy and our love,

but you need more.

In Georgetown, there's a support group of women who are going through exactly

what you're going through.

There's a support group of women who are trying to get their work done, but

can't because of annoying co -workers? Murph, stop it.

Okay, Frank.

I spoke with your oncologist. She thinks it's a wonderful idea. They meet

tonight at 6 .30, and they're expecting you.

Well, okay.

Talking to these guys behind my back, talking to my doctors behind my back.

You've certainly been a busy girl.

Now, don't excuse me. Murphy Brown, you're not going anywhere.

What? I have cried for you, and I have prayed for you. But if you don't shape

and get some help, I'm going to haul off and belt you. And I'm all upper body

strength, missy.

Murph. I don't know how to help you anymore. I don't need help.

We think you do.

Well, since you guys clearly understand what's best for me, tell me, is this

group experience going to cure me?

Kate, I can't do this.

I feel in my heart that if she wants to go, she'll go.

Forgive me.

Thank you, Jim.

When you're so low that you can't even remember what happy feels like.

When you're so scared that sleep is a distant memory and smiling is a

art.

When being sad is as natural as breathing.

Then you'll go.

Until then, I'm here for you.

Wait.

I don't know what to do.

This morning I saw a bus drive through a puddle just as Louis Freeh was coming

out of the FBI building.

It drenched him.

Big bobs of slush just sliding down his pants.

I couldn't even muster a smile.

I almost stopped the car to give him a ride.

I'm free -falling.

Then go tonight.

You guys feel like taking Avery out to dinner?

Our pleasure.

And then my mother -in -law said, no, no, I'm not interfering. I just thought

twin beds would be more comfortable.

Hello.

Molly, as much as we all love your mother -in -law's stories, I'm just

if perhaps you wouldn't want to use this time and group to talk about, well,

breast cancer.

Absolutely. My mother -in -law, bitter woman, very bitter.

What color is your hair?

I love hearing your stories.

Yeah, and it's better than listening to us bitch about why we don't have

handicapped parking.

Murphy, I don't like to put new hymns on the spot.

I don't really have anything to say right now. Go on.

I can't believe I'm in a support group with Murphy Brown.

I watch FYI all the time. Thank you. My husband hates you.

Which is why I watch your show.

See, he's a dentist, and I used to run his office. You know, filing, billing,

the whole nine yards.

And then I got this, and he decided I should stay at home, you know.

Cancer would scare his patients.

He's a dentist with a 20 -year -old drill, shaky hands, and a lazy eye, and

the scary one?

Martha Stewart.

Do you mind with the glue gun?

Excuse me? Is that glue latex -based? I'm latex intolerant.

Look, I'm getting highs. I hope you're happy.

I know I am.

What are you making, baby?

Well, I saw Martha Stewart make this on television once, I think.

Or maybe it was MacGyver.

It's either an Indian soap dish or it's a grenade launcher.

I was skiing last weekend, and I've started swimming again at the Y in the

Masters program.

I'm thinking about going to law school.

Maybe I'll be a lawyer or a swimmer. Whoa, good for you, Sandra.

Are you sure you can handle it?

Of course you can handle it.

Thank you, Annie. Because you just had a lumpectomy. One centimeter, that's

nothing. That's junior year abroad cancer.

But my double mastectomy, now that's cancer.

Marty's still not there for you?

He hasn't touched me since the day I was diagnosed.

But his love partner is another story entirely.

He's taking me to Montego Bay next month.

Don't be a shrink with me. I bought a song and I'm going.

Good for you, Ann.

Half the time I feel like I'm invisible.

Oh, Murphy, do you ever feel invisible?

Me? No. I'm entirely visible.

See? Murphy, I know this is difficult in the beginning.

It's hard to let Shakara down, but this is the one place where it's okay to say

anything that's on your mind.

You want me to say what's on my mind?

Okay.

I don't care about anything any of you are talking about. I'm sorry, but that's

the truth.

All I want to hear is what's going to make me feel better, what's going to

me well.

Well, you'd be surprised.

This group is pretty powerful.

It's not always clear, but I know we've helped each other.

Well, you're not helping me.

Oh, I see.

You're different. You're better than us.

No, I'm not saying that.

You know, I'm down here in the trenches doing the hardest work of my life. You

will sit here, and you just, like, expect us to hand you all the answers.

I think this is an excellent time for a break. I know I need one.

There's coffee in the back, and Sandra brought Danish.

Yes, and unlike last week, they're fresh and... Bite me, Zena.

Uh -uh -uh.

Oh, didn't see you come in.

Invisible. Told you.

That's not what I meant. No, I'm kidding, I'm kidding. But not about

I go for the yogurt.

All right, yogurt it is.

These poor machines are in terrible shape because people are constantly

them.

It's the only thing they understand.

So, how come you're sneaking out?

No, I'm not sneaking out. See, I don't have a sitter and I left my son with...

Okay, I'm sneaking out.

I just wanted to put something in my stomach before I left.

I know.

Ever since chemo, I feel like my hands are never clean.

I know. I must wash my hands a million times after every single chemo.

Huh.

And how about when people do this?

Oh, I know. The, oh, you poor thing head tilt.

Right, right. And then they start telling you how brave you are and how

look, and you just want to, like, strangle them right then and there, but

then they're on to how strong the whole experience is going to make you.

You know, the only thing that shuts them up, you just give it to them right

back.

Say what you will about our group upstairs, but nobody's head tilts.

Um, don't get me wrong, but I don't really think it's our group.

The only thing we have in common is cancer.

Well, that's a pretty big thing.

And you know what? I'm not really good in group situations.

When I was in the 10th grade, I made our field hockey coach cry.

And this was a woman who dug swimming pools in the summer.

Listen, I totally understand. I mean, I didn't want a support group because I

didn't care about their problems. I just cared about my problem.

And then I realized that their problems helped me with my problems.

So you've been with the group for a while?

Let's see, ten months the first time.

The first time?

And since my recurrence, about four months.

Recurrence? Yep.

And a serious scarf crisis.

Don't you look at this. This is not even a scarf. It's a dish towel.

Yet not everyone can wear a dish towel.

Lisa, how old are you?

Twenty -nine.

Stage four.

Single. Not a good personal ed.

Stage four?

Well, the good news is there's no stage five.

Well, there is, but you don't have to go to group.

I'm sorry.

Me too.

Group help.

I don't know. See, it's a place where you can rant and rave and you can be

irrational and you can cry and be bitchy and hostile.

Me? I was just taking a shot in the dark.

The point is that you can dump all that stuff in group, and you don't have to

take it out on the people you spend your precious time with.

I hate cancer.

The way I figure it, most people have one life.

We have two.

We have the life before we're diagnosed, where we go to work and just breeze

around. Buying boots and complaining about the traffic on the beltway.

And then there's the life after we're diagnosed.

The one that's a gift.

The one where you realize that the meaning of life is living.

Well, I better get back upstairs before Ann unplugs my glue gun.

It was nice to meet you, Murphy. I'll be thinking about you.

Wait up.

We don't want to be late for our group.

How am I going to go on television in this wig?

Get over it. It's just hair.

Avery! Popcorn!

Hey, Mom!

Want to hear me spell Degasaurus?

Sure.

Degasaurus. F -T -E -G -O -S -A -U -R -U -S.

Degasaurus. I'll take your word for it.

So, how was karate?

Not fine and fine.

A guy beat me, then I beat a guy.

You know what? I found the new issue of Mad Magazine at the hospital gift shop.

Oh, cool.

Look, their movie parody of Anastasia. They call it Anastasia.

What page? What page?

Anything interesting happen to you today?

Nope. Anything interesting happen to you?

Nope.