Original subtitles

Greta, this cappuccino is delicious. I know.

Finally, someone who knows how to use that machine.

Look at that. The way she makes little rosettes out of the whipped cream.

Almost too cute to eat, isn't it, Frank?

Frank?

Life is funny.

Who would have thought that I would have met the most perfect woman in the world

in a bookstore?

Elizabeth.

Oh, Frank.

A bookstore.

Think of all the time you've spent searching for the perfect girl.

those wasted years.

Years? What am I saying?

Decades! You know, a younger, more youthful Frank might take offense to

but the older, more mature Frank will just let that slide right off of his

stooped back.

Good! Morning, all.

No, no, no, no, no, Jim.

Loretta here can make you any kind of coffee you like.

Any kind.

Any kind?

What do I feel like?

I know. You band with a splash of coffee bake.

Easy, sailor.

Tim, what happened to your hand?

Oh, this... Doris and I were on our way to the Kennedy Center last night. I was

helping her into the car when she accidentally slammed my finger in the

Oh, Jim, did it hurt?

It was a Lincoln Town car.

When the door slammed down on my finger, the noise I made was so piercing, my

first thought was, what is Connie Francis doing in my garage?

Did you break it? In three places. Actually, it was a blessing in disguise.

Doris felt so guilty that she doted on me all evening.

And I have to say, I milked it.

Oh, people!

People, what are we all standing around here for? We have a one o 'clock promo

shoot. One o 'clock, jot it down. Nah, I'll remember it.

Frank, where's Murphy?

Why isn't she here? Corky, call her up. It lightens her face.

Jim, what happened to your finger? It won't affect your work, will it?

Are you sure this was decaf? Yeah.

Hit me.

Hey, morning, Murph. Morning, guys.

Sorry I'm late. After breakfast, I had to take a chemo nap.

Is that Michael?

Hello.

Hello. Where's my secretary?

Wait.

Let me guess.

Hi. I'm Murphy Brown. You must be my new secretary. There's a line here.

I'm sorry. Are all these other people waiting to fire you, too?

this before never ever are these colombian beans are you hitting on me

they could be you're lucky i happen to get up on the right side of bed today so

you can stay but if i have to answer my phone one more time i'll get your phone

murphy what happened to your finger doris she slammed it in the car door it

wonderful murphy do you want to get this it's max llewellyn really

He's out of prison 24 hours and he's calling me?

Oh, this could be great for the show.

Huge numbers. Take it. I wouldn't. Man's a scoundrel. Please keep holding.

What do you think his angle is? Get on the phone and find out. All right, I'll

take it.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

Too dramatic.

Oh, boy, Max Llewellyn, what a coup. If we could get the pirate of Wall Street

on the show.

How would I play this? I'd call the Washington Post. No, bigger. Time

No, no, no. Even bigger. Come on.

I'd call.

I'd call.

I'd call my dry cleaners. This isn't my outfit.

Even having this discussion, the man is a convicted inside traitor. But let's

just sweep that under the carpet for the almighty rating point. After all,

that's what really matters. My God, this is strong coffee. When's that girl

coming back?

He wants me to interview him. He wants to tell his side of the story. Oh,

You know what we should do? We devote an entire show to the eroding ethics in

America. Good idea. America loves ex -cons.

Well, maybe that's just my family.

Maybe we could bring on some of the people that Llewellyn wiped out.

Oh, you're not going to do this, are you, Slugger?

Oh, come on, Jim. It's a pretty great interview.

It's not an interview. It's an infomercial. Hugh Grant, Dick Morris,

Albert. One I'm sorry on national television in its instant absolution.

He just wants a platform for his own redemption.

Well, he may come on expecting a platform, but what he's going to get is

plank. A narrow piece of wood I'm going to make him walk on and then push him

off. Goodbye.

Curve one.

Ah, Murphy Brown.

Max Llewellyn. Ah, Murphy.

So nice to meet you.

I have to admit, I'm a little nervous.

You took a shower in prison and you're nervous here?

Well, it's a different kind of nervous, but thanks for having me on.

They say when you come out of prison, you're bitter. Oh, but I forgot, you

in the white -collar penal wing. God, that must have been hell playing tennis

with government -issued rackets.

Not really. You could always upgrade. The prison pro shop took MasterCard.

Nothing.

Okay. I know you two are just revving up, but let's save a little for the

cameras. We're going to need it. We're up against Ellen, and she has the Harlem

Globetrotters on tonight.

God only knows what's going to happen.

Jim Dial.

How are you, sir? Hello. You'll excuse me if I don't shake your hand.

You know, when Erlichman grew up here in prison, it made him more lovable. Not

around here.

Is it too late to buy brownies for the crew?

No, it's just something. Thanks.

I've served my time. I was behind bars for three years.

Hardly enough time to think about the thousands of people who lost their life

savings. I think about them every day. I bet they think about you, too. You

know, when they're trying to get a job at Burger King on their 73rd birthday.

Okay, let's talk about the dozens of corporations you raided, gutted, and

for dead, shall we?

Why do I feel like you're doing that to me right now?

Miss Brown, be fair. I also helped to be life into a number of hailing

companies. Aha, like Tom Rex International. You so over -leveraged

that a year later they were out of business. As a result of your handiwork,

,200 people lost their jobs. Does guilt even register on your meter? Of course

it does.

Look, when I was growing up, I thought making money was what you were supposed

to do. I went to the best business school in the country, and then I used

learned. Sometimes I think my biggest mistake was being first in my class.

I'm touched. But let's try to put a face on some of those 4 ,200 people who no

longer have jobs, shall we? Please, there's no need. Marlies Abbott, Charlie

Abernathy, Alex Adams, Dara Adriano. You know what? This would go a lot faster

if you read A through M and I'll read M through Z.

You haven't let me get a word in age -wise.

Well, I graduated first in my class, too.

You know, I have enough money to spend the rest of my life on a sandy beach

drinking rum from a coconut shell, but I'm not going to do that.

I want to make up for my past.

And one of the ways I'm going to do that is by starting a charitable foundation.

That's a little cliche, isn't it? How do you mean? Well, a foundation that's the

passport of the guilty to worm their way back to respectability.

Now all you need to do is find God, a good woman, and you've hit the

jackpot.

I understand your cynicism, but I'm quite sincere.

So what's your cause?

Orphans, puppies, humpback whales?

I'm pledging my money and my resources to discovering a cure for breast cancer.

A cure for breast cancer? Yes.

And I know you have a personal stake in finding a cure. So if I'm not being too

bold, I'd love to invite you to join me in the fight.

What? Murphy, would you lend your name to a charity event, say a 5K run?

We'll call it the Murphy -Brown Race for Life.

I don't think this is the appropriate time to discuss this.

Um, yeah, where were we?

Oh, yes, is there any truth to the rumor... Morning,

Kay. Coffee?

No, no, thanks, Loretta. I've got to fly right today.

It's Malaysian vanilla, for the love of God, Kay.

Don't enable.

Oh, boy.

The minute Max put Murphy on the spot, my phone started ringing off the hook.

Well, she really nailed that bump tiny to the door. It was a thing to behold.

All the magazines, all the newspapers, everybody wants to know what Murphy's

going to do, but I'm not telling anybody. I'm playing this very close to

vest because I don't have a clue what that crazy broad's going to do.

Okay. Okay, one more cup, dark and deep.

Hey, no cuts.

I work here.

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown, and you must be my new secretary.

Oops. I'll call you later.

I'm terribly proud of what you did last night, Slugger. The nerve of that man

trying to enlist you into his service.

I was so angry at him for putting me on the spot like that. You know, I told

Miles years ago, we need an ejector button for that seat or a trap door. And

then below the trap door, a pool filled with alligators. There's plenty of room

for you.

Does human resources really need the whole floor? I think not.

My God, you're tough. I follow you into battle.

Triple tall, non -fat. Foam, easy, whole milk, mocha, mocha.

I added an extra dollop of whipped cream, so wait a half hour before you go

swimming.

Oh, Loretta, could I see you for a minute?

Uh -oh.

Loretta, look.

You have a talent for making coffee. I have a talent for inspiring career

changes. So to borrow a coffee term, we're going to blend our talents. I'm

to fire you, and you're going to make coffee for Java City across the street.

They loved your resume.

I don't have a resume. You do now. I wrote one for you.

You're quite accomplished.

Really? Yeah. You went to Princeton, and you have a brown belt in taekwondo.

All right. Ivy League.

Thanks.

Hello, Carrie.

Thanks again for allowing me to appear on the show. Oh, it's great television.

And the proof is in the pudding. We had our first ratings win in 37 weeks. Ah,

good. I came to apologize for putting her on the spot. Is she in?

She's in her office. Just promise me one thing. If it gets really heated between

you two, you'll call me because I can get a camera crew up here in a New York

minute.

Thanks.

Lynn.

So, I've been the last person you expected to see in your office.

Unless you pass Steven Eadie in the elevator, you win that bet.

I want to apologize for ambushing you last night. My offer was sincere, but my

timing left a lot to be desired.

Wow, you've really got this whole I'm sorry thing down. Now all you need is a

tail you can put between your legs and ears that go back and you'd be downright

adorable.

You know, since the moment we said hello, you've had your foot on my neck.

thought a reporter was supposed to be objective.

I know you don't like the person I was, and I understand that, but at least give

the person I'm trying to be a chance.

Okay, that's fair. What have you got to say?

Here.

These are for you.

Actually, I just wanted to get you the little bear, but I couldn't get the

little bear without buying the really expensive roses.

Oh, well, I happen to like really expensive roses.

And the bear?

Well, I like the roses.

All I'm asking for is a second chance.

Let me show you something.

The Murphy Brown Race for Life.

Look, we have an incredible opportunity here to raise money and public

awareness. And improve your tarnished reputation. Oh, come on, let's be

You could have gone anywhere for this interview, but you chose me. And then

announced your foundation to find a cure for breast cancer, which I just

happened to have. I'm sorry, but it's a tad calculated.

You're partially right.

I did choose you because of your circumstances.

But I have a personal stake in this, too.

My mother's a survivor.

My sister was just diagnosed.

I'm sorry.

Things change.

People change, and sometimes... Sometimes things change people.

So what do you say, Murphy?

I need your help.

Cotton poly blend?

Not with my name on it.

I know we're supposed to be carbo -loading for this race, but I can't

Oh, I can move. I just can't breathe.

Here,

this will work great with what you're wearing.

I can't believe how hard Murphy and Max have been working these last few weeks.

Everybody's talking about the Murphy Brown race for life. It's going to make

lot of money.

I've raised $2 ,500 for the race.

Murphy's going to be thrilled.

I only raised $400. How do you raise so much?

Think about it, Frank. She's asking men for money while repeatedly using the

word breast.

Still, every time I see Max and Murphy's picture on the side of a bus, it sort

of just creeps me out.

Oh, now, Frank, I know he's been in prison, but, you know, people do change.

I know when my cousin Denny was locked up, he found God and completely turned

his life around.

Of course, the God he found was Allah.

So now Denny is Muhammad Abdul Sherwood.

The rest of us can't have ham at Christmas.

A dollar's a dollar. Does it have any less value coming from Max than coming

from you? My dollar didn't come from picking other people's pockets. Oh,

what's important is that Murphy is really, really excited about this. She's

enthused. She's energized.

Maybe she needs to do this.

Yeah, Kay's right.

Although, I must confess, I'm a little hurt.

I couldn't even get Murphy to buy a raffle ticket for my church.

Murphy didn't want to win a trip to Branson, Missouri to hear the Gatlin

brothers?

Imagine that.

But it's so pretty there.

It's only 72 hours on the church bus.

And how did you get him to sign the extra zero under the amount on the

I brought him roses and a little bear.

So that's where it went.

Hey, guys, you all know Max?

Actually, we haven't been formally introduced.

Then that would be my oversight, Miss Sherwood.

Corky. We'll be seeing you on Saturday?

Oh, I'll be there. Well, we're heading back to the office. We'll see you there,

Murphy. Allow me.

Well, thank you.

Hey, I heard you guys on NPR this morning. You were wonderful. You know, I

public radio, but you know what would make it better? More snacks.

They didn't have a donut, a croissant, nothing.

Then Bob Edwards walked in with his huge Egg McMuffin, and he wouldn't even

share.

Come on, kids.

Frank, we're so happy to have your support.

Well, it's for a good cause. And you get a free sports box.

Only one, Frank.

Here you go.

Oh.

Thanks. You're welcome.

Oh, did you see this?

We're in the front page of the style section.

It's a good picture of you.

Oh, you look good, too.

You're kind of hogging the lens a little bit.

Well, I couldn't help myself. Last time I was photographed, I was standing in

front of a height chart and holding up a number.

I can't believe how much money we've raised. It's fantastic.

We make a hell of a team.

Yeah, and when you get in those boardrooms, you do some pretty fancy

Sorry. Ah, it's okay.

If I'd been born with two good legs, I never would have spent all that time on

the playground reading the Wall Street Journal.

I bet the other kids weren't so nice. They weren't, until I invested all their

lunch money and got them into Xerox.

I think it's still the most money Butch Wilcox ever made.

Jim. Oh, Marty.

You seeing anyone for lunch? No, I'm not. Well, then, sit down and join us.

No, I prefer to eat at the bar.

Excuse me.

Uh, give me a minute.

Jim, just because you don't like someone, that's no reason to be rude to

face.

A lesson in etiquette from the woman who made the soul -surviving von Trapp

child cry.

All she wanted to do was sing Edelweiss one more time.

I think I've made it very clear that I don't want to be associated with him.

There are just some things that are right and some things that are wrong.

you're the arbiter. Is that it? Jim Dial decides what's right or wrong? I'm

sorry, but I didn't get this year's edition of Jim's Always Right.

Max Llewellyn is a criminal.

You're soiling your hands by associating with him.

Jim, things change. People change. He deserves a second chance. Why don't you

give him one?

Excuse me.

Seemed to have lost my appetite.

Do you believe the turnout, Frank? You know, I just saw Alan Greenspan and

Andrea Mitchell holding hands.

You know, it's funny.

In business clothes, they don't really work as a couple. But put them in sweats

and T -shirts, and they're just as cute as button.

You know.

Where's Elizabeth?

Oh, she's outside stretching.

Come here.

See? Over there.

The blonde, wearing the purple shorts.

Talking to Matt Lauer, Brian Williams, Chris Wallace.

She's surrounded by all those men, and you're not worried, Frank?

No, I'm totally... Oh, man.

Oh, she sure is pretty.

How isn't that sweet?

Larry King just brought us some Gatorade. Larry King?

All runners, please assemble at the starting area.

Hey, Kay.

Wait, you better get dressed.

Oh, I'm not running.

But you have all those pledges. I know, but there's this lovely Ethiopian med

student who lives next door to me. I'm giving her my number.

What? Don't knock it. Last year I came in fifth in the Boston Marathon.

Oh, absolutely. How can you not be excited when 3 ,200 people are all

the same reason? Well, just to put that in perspective for you, that's two less

people than the Republicans are going to run in the Iowa caucus.

And, Ms. Mondale, please be sure to mention that the Murphy Brown Race for

has already raised $2 million.

That is great.

Well, thank you both very much. Bye, Eleanor. Good luck. See you.

We've got to get there quick. Larry King is moving in on something blonde.

Raised $2 million?

How did we do that? When I checked yesterday, it was just under a million.

Right. That's the money we raised.

What are we looking here?

Nothing.

What's going on?

What's going on is I doubled our money.

Don't worry, Murphy. I didn't take any unnecessary risks.

If the stock had dipped, I would have made the loss myself.

Trust me, Murphy. Nothing was going to go wrong. But $2 million?

That should show those Wall Street hypocrites.

I made them a fortune. Now they won't return my calls.

Let me just take a stab here at how you did it. A little inside information,

perhaps? Excuse me?

Inside of trading is against the law. You didn't answer my question.

I didn't make a dime off this deal.

Oh, boy.

I am really stupid.

You showed up at my door and I bought the full set of encyclopedias. Don't you

see? I'm trying to help the best way I know how.

But you're doing it again.

Don't you get it? You're breaking the law.

Need I remind you what I do for a living? I bust bad guys.

Am I a bad guy?

Bottom line, the more money we raise and the faster we raise it, the more

clinics we're going to build.

The more research can be done, the more lives we're going to save.

What's so bad about that?

You bastard.

Hey, Max, Murphy, come on. They're waiting for you. They're about to start

race.

So what are you going to do?

You're not going to disappoint all those people, are you?

Hello?

Jim.

Glad to see you here.

Slugger?

I know you're surprised to see me, but it's a nice day for a walk, so if it's

not too late, Doris and I would like to be a part of the Murphy Brown Race for

Life. Oh, Jim, you're really something.

Well, I'm still on the disabled list, so I expect a head start.

Just so you know, I haven't changed my mind about Llewellyn.

Well, I have.

But now I've got a race to start.

Murphy Brown, I ran in your race the other day. It was a great experience.

Hey, Llewellyn, why did you work with that sleaze?

My wife has breast cancer, and I think what you did with your race is

My car has lost everything to Llewellyn.

How is she?