Original subtitles

Cindy said she would eat grapes off Brad Pitt's chest.

What? That's what I said.

I'll be right with you, hon. We're just picking a movie.

Did you get those papers down to legal?

Hold on a sec. She's still talking to me.

Yes? Those papers are still sitting here.

I'm talking to Cindy.

Oh.

Cindy? Hi, it's Murphy Brown.

Listen, I thought I'd help you gals pick out a movie. How about Titanic?

Let me check.

Oh, you're in luck. It starts in 15 minutes.

Oh, that won't be a problem because I'm firing her right now.

You're firing me? Why?

Because you're not a good secretary. You're not competent. You're

You are an incompetent secretary.

Do you know what everyone at the temp agency calls you? The scary...

I hope this won't ruin Titanic for you, but the ship's fixed!

So long, everyone.

I'm off to Costa Rica.

Don't worry, because you probably won't hear from me.

The only reason the drug cartel agreed to do this story is because I promised

keep it strictly confidential.

I'll be holed up in their secret compound.

So please, for my own safety...

Don't try to contact me.

Frank, you're going to be staying in a suite at the Four Seasons, and their

secret compound was featured in Architectural Digest.

Now, Murphy, those Carlos brothers are my tough customer. Be sure to pack your

bulletproof vest and a boogie board. Don't speak.

Does anybody care to join my caroling group? I'm kind of in a bind.

Our castrato's been grounded.

My interview with Elizabeth Dole fell through.

Well, no need to panic.

We'll just come up with another story. I can't believe it. I was finally going

to get to see the lighting of the White House Christmas tree. Every year I've

missed it, and now I'm going to miss it again.

Well, you won't miss it this year. We're going to get you out in time to see one

of God's greatest creations turn into a 55 -foot fire hazard.

I'll stay for a bit and help you with a new story, Corky. My dinner with Doris

isn't until 7.

Murphy, you'll help, won't you? Oh, gee, I'd love to, but, you know, too many

cooks. Bye. Oh, come on, Murphy.

Oh, all right.

How hard could it be?

Oh, something for Corky. Something for Corky.

Limousines. Tire tray.

Luggage.

Lumber. I don't know, Bucky. Pick one.

What chance do any of us have coming up with a fresh story now the dateline is

on 27 times a week?

Tell you what, kids. Let's everybody take a walk out on the terrace.

What? On the terrace? Come on. Oh, no, come on. We'll get some fresh air, look

at the firmament, refill our creative wealth.

Well, whatever gets us out of here quicker.

I'm having dinner with Doris, and I don't want to miss cocktail.

Cocktails are very important to Doris.

never even been in this area. It's very nice.

Oh, look. Shelly had a baby boy.

Good old Shelly, back from maternity leave. Yeah, that baby boy just

from Yale. Oh, that's a good time.

Oh,

isn't it nice?

We could put a hibachi out here and barbecue.

I already have the apron.

Cooks do it on briquettes.

Okay. We could enclose this and turn it into my office.

Then I'd have a view. I'd work a lot harder with a view.

Oh, look.

You can see the White House, where once again I won't be for the tree lighting.

Come on, deep breaths.

Okay, my creative will is filled. Let's go back inside.

That's strange.

The door. It doesn't open.

Oh, you're probably not doing it right. How could I not be doing it right? It's

a knob.

Hey, a key.

A key.

Would be great right about now.

I don't have one.

You know what else would be great right about now?

A big fat martini.

Hello!

Oh, God.

This is the oldest cliche in the book.

Nobody's left in the office. We're stuck out on the terrace on a Friday night.

This is hilarious.

Did you ever see that movie Alive?

Believe me, no one on that soccer team was laughing.

This is Washington, D .C. We're not going to have to ration someone's thigh.

That's right. In a minute, someone's bound to walk through the office and

that door.

Or we could just break the glass.

No, it's triple -layered and it's bulletproof.

Why on earth would we have bulletproof glass for our offices?

We're 12 stories up. There's no way they're going to hear you.

I just had a thought.

What if they find us frozen stiff, huddled together like one giant FYI

I have to get to that restaurant.

I'm cold.

Here, Corky, take my coat.

Oh, no, Jim. Give it to Murphy.

She has cancer. I just have thin blood.

Okay, you keep it, Corky. If chemotherapy didn't kill me, a little

sure is how long.

Thanks, Jim.

Hey, look!

There's a pen in the pocket. We can write a note and send it down.

Great idea.

Do we have any paper or anything to write it on? What about money? Does

have any money?

No. I'm putting this on my expense account, Kate.

Love, Corky, Sherwood.

Okay. I just need something to weigh it down. Jim, you have a quarter? I saw

that coming.

There it goes.

You locked the house?

Oh, gee, all right, all right. Nobody panic. I'll get us out of here. Oh,

Gilligan's going to get us off the island.

Here we go. Watch yourselves.

Should we tell him?

No, let's just watch.

Okay, that was amusing. Now I'm bored. Open the door.

You know, somehow this all makes perfect sense. What does?

This, us, locked out together.

You think this happened by accident? No.

Things happen for a reason.

Wait, wait, wait.

Yes, my cell phone.

Oh, great. I'm going to call Avery. Oh, no way. He's spending the night at

Sean's. Let me call the restaurant.

Hello. Yes, this is Jim Dial. I'm supposed to be meeting my wife there. I

to speak to her. Her name is Doris.

Well, she has eyes the color of jade and a smile that lights up the room.

But for right now, you should look for a scowling blonde woman under 2nd Rob

Roy.

Yeah, Doris, just tell the maitre d' where we are.

He's putting me on hold.

What's that beeping? Oh, jeez, it means the battery's running low. Hurry up!

What am I supposed to do, wait faster?

Give it to me. I'll call 911.

What's happening? What's wrong with this thing?

The battery's dead.

Oh. And my sock has a hole in it.

Ah, Mom.

Well, I think Jeff should get comfortable. We could be here a while.

Here, Murph. Take my jacket. You must be cold.

Thanks, Frank. It is a little chilly.

Is there anything I can get you?

Well, a key would be nice.

Let me just...

Sit down. I think I'm in. I think much better when I'm sitting.

Dewey. Very dewey.

Oh, yes.

One shoe and wet pants. This is like my first day of kindergarten.

I really thought this was the year I'd make that tree lighting.

I finally got Doris to agree to have a dinner with me when we wouldn't discuss

divorce.

I was planning on spending the evening out on my terrace.

So this is kind of a dream come true.

The more I keep thinking there must be a reason for this.

I mean, maybe we're supposed to sing Christmas carols or look for a shooting

star. Just get to know each other better.

Hey, I've been working with these people for over ten years. We know everything

there is to know about each other.

Jim has his shoes handmade because he's got flat feet. Corky secretly tapes

Xena, Warrior Princess.

And Frank had a teenage crush on Julie Nixon.

It was true. You never get that right.

She had the poutiest little smile.

Fisher.

See, I never knew that about you, Frank.

I once met Richard Nixon's brother Donald at a winery in Napa Valley.

Hello. Fate brought us out here. No, Kay, you brought us out here. Fate was

happy with us dating our wives, looking at a Christmas tree, and going to Costa

Rica to buy me bananas.

I never see you anyway. All you do is work. Well, when I'm home, you don't

to me, so I might as well stay at the office. I just wanted our first

together to be special.

I'm moving to a hotel.

That's pretty special. Yeah, because you're too much of a coward to stay here

and deal with it.

I'm a coward?

I'm a coward?

Hey, you people! Did you hear that?

I'm a coward! Who are you yelling at? The people on that balcony over there.

I don't think they heard you. Allow me. He's a coward!

It's freezing.

I can't believe I lost my shoe.

I wonder if Corky would rub my foot.

I hope Frank doesn't ask me to rub his foot.

I hope Frank doesn't ask me to rub his foot.

Dear God, please, I hope Frank doesn't ask me to rub his foot.

Oh, jeez, why did I come back here?

Yeah, Frank, why did you come back here?

For this.

You came back for the change of your sunglasses?

Hey, it's a look. Don't knock it, okay?

Don't judge it until you've seen the whole package.

Shades, hat on backwards, tank top, these.

It's very cool.

Frank, you're 50 years old. It's not a look. It's a cry for help.

All right, all right. Very funny. Come on, everybody over here. Empty your

pockets. I'm getting out of here. There must be something that'll help us. Come

on. I like this.

A peek inside the lives of all of you. Yeah, because everyone knows the pockets

are the window to your pants.

Yeah, I know, right?

A double -A battery, a coffee nips, a bounce, Ramona.

A higher gauge, a little pepper mill.

Dental floss.

Maybe someone else should go first. Dental floss, wait a second.

Maybe we can use this.

Oh, for Pete's sake, what are you going to do? Frag rappel down the side of the

building?

My pockets are completely empty. What does that say about me?

Too easy.

Jim, what's hiding in the deep, dark recesses of your trousers?

Excuse me?

Your pockets.

A billboard, comb, neatly folded white handkerchief.

That's it. That's me. There is no more.

What's in your pocket, Murphy? I don't want to play this game.

Sounds to me like you're hiding something.

Is it musical?

I know, an ocarina. An ocarina what?

An ocarina. You know, it's like a harmonica, only it shakes like a sweet

My boyfriend played one in the marching band.

You should have seen me strutting across the field like this.

You're the private cat who'll perish.

Give me the dental floss. I'm going over.

Murphy, it's your secretary.

to her. Just smile. Be nice. I have to meet Doris.

Hi.

Maybe I overreacted today. I do that sometimes.

So...

The traffic in the city Linger on the sidewalks Where the neon signs are

How can you lose?

The lights are much brighter there You can't forget

Killed about 45 seconds.

I'll come back for the rest of my stuff tomorrow.

Whatever.

You know the cat belongs to me.

The cat is mine.

The clock radio is yours.

You won't forget to feed the clock radio.

If you're gonna leave...

Why are those people still on the balcony?

Oh, look.

You can see my breath.

Hey, I know what I can do.

I can do a story on the effect the ozone has on the polar eye caps.

I like that. Let's go with it.

Great. You couldn't have come up with that when we were warm and snug inside?

You had to wait until we got stuck out here?

Pardon me, Missy, but my secretary would have opened the door, and she would

have been waiting with hot chocolate instead of some obscene gesture.

No, no.

We're all in the same boat.

The reason we're in that boat is that someone can't keep his cell phone

But therefore, it's time and energy consumed by the task of attaching a

his sunglasses.

This cell phone had at least 14 seconds left on it when I handed it to you. Let

me show you what I mean.

One Mississippi, two Mississippi.

Hello, Major D. We're stuck out on the balcony at FYI. Please send help.

Thank you. Six Mississippi, seven Mississippi.

Gee, what are we going to do with the next eight seconds?

You're all blaming each other, and you all know it's really my fault. I

suggested we come out here, and yet no one's blaming me.

Hell, we aren't. This is all your fault. I agree.

I suggested we come out on the terrace.

We could have gone anywhere, but we came out here instead, and without a key.

I always have a key, but I don't have one now.

Why?

What does fate have up her sleeve?

Will you stop saying that?

Sometimes things just happen, and they happen for no damn reason at all.

Well, why can't you just open yourself up to the fact that it might mean

something? You want to know why, Kay?

Because if there's a reason for everything, then there's a reason I got

and I don't think I could deal with that right now.

I have to believe that everything is random. I just woke up one morning with

lump in my breast, okay?

Now I'm hungry, and I want a hot, open -faced turkey sandwich.

Okay, maybe it's...

Random that we know each other.

But it isn't random that I feel close to all of you.

Hey, look!

They just lit up the tree!

Wow.

Look at that. It's incredible.

Wow.

It's really beautiful, isn't it, Murphy?

Yeah. It's really beautiful.

Now what are they doing?

Who knows?

I'm going.

Hey, they just lit the White House tree.

I didn't know we could see it from here.

So that's what those people on the balcony were doing, waiting for the tree

be lit.

Yeah.

I wonder how many Christmases they've taken the time to watch the lighting of

the tree.

And we can't even make the effort to get through one.

It's really beautiful.

Probably would have been so crowded at the White House. We've got a much better

view from right here.

Although I hear the angel broke, so they put that little Barbara Mikulski on top

of the tree.

Such a good sport.

That's a beautiful sight, isn't it?

Oh, really?

I thought I was the only one that came out here to see the tree.

You have the key, right, Willie? Oh, certainly.

Do you mind if I stay out here and enjoy it for a bit?

Oh, absolutely not. Stay as long as you like.

Good to see you, Willie.

How are you doing? Oh, great.

This is my lucky day. I found $20 and 25 cents down on the street.

I wonder if I can run this through the dishwasher.

Yeah,

maybe I'll wonder over the one house. just so I can say I finally went.

I'm going to head on over to Dorothy's. Maybe I can explain what happened in

person.

Um, Kate, why don't you come over to my house? We'll order pizza.

Really? Yeah. I was just going to bring down the Christmas decorations.

You can be the one to lick all the bulbs to make sure they're working.

You know, sis, maybe there wasn't any great meaning to us being locked out on

the terrace tonight. Maybe I just looked too hard to find answers I don't have.

I mean, it's not like anyone's life changed because of it.