Original subtitles

Previously on Murphy Brown.

Dr. Gaddis, Murphy Brown.

I don't understand.

Is an appointment really necessary?

Can't you just give me the results over the phone?

Doctor?

Uh, never mind. I guess you already have.

What just happened here, Merv? What's going on?

The mammogram I had yesterday, Frank.

They found something.

There wasn't supposed to be anything.

But it is.

Morning, GM. What's got you glued to the tube?

I'm watching the satellite feed from New York.

Dan Rather's cowlick is standing at full attention. He has a news brief in two

minutes. They're friends.

Uh -huh. Let's start the story meeting. They grant everything. Water, gel,

mousse. Uh -oh, here comes a big gun. Aquanet.

Look at the size of that kid.

They're going to open a new hole in the ozone layer.

You know the rules, Jim. No TV until after the story meeting. Look, it's

to blow.

Going, going.

Yes, it's a blue alfalfa.

Jim!

And where's everybody else?

Well, we know Murphy's not here yet. She always drills little pencil holes in

the doughnuts until she strikes jelly.

And I didn't see Frank's car in his space when I pulled in this morning.

They were going to join us last night at Build, but they never showed up.

That is weird.

So, am I the only one who's going to say it out loud?

What do you mean?

You know, best friend, the late night, the quiet office, the gesture of a

their eyes meet, a moment of blurred vision, their hearts beat as one, a

ignites, the flame of passion, and then... So you're saying that neither

you has a dirty part of your brain that you peek into every once in a while?

I'd rather picture my cousin Austin and his relationship with Luann.

Who's Luann? Another cousin?

No, his pet pig.

He'd always drag out all her blue ribbons like that was going to make it

okay.

Oh, you didn't mention she was a contest winner, Austin.

Sweet mother of God, how many of those stories could you possibly have left?

Okay. You obviously don't know Murphy and Frank very well. There's no way they

would sacrifice their friendship for a little roll in the hay.

Look at that. It's a whole barnyard theme this morning. All right, fine. Get

away, you smutty little thought balloons.

Shoo, shoo.

All right,

something came in over the wire this morning about another military base

closing, and I... Hi. Hi.

Oh, look who's here. Hey, kid.

And practically coming in together, Murphy and Frank. Together, but not

Any particular reason why you're both late this morning, Murphy and Frank?

My filling fell out.

Really?

Taylor, I'll be right back. I'm just going to check my mail.

Damn, I keep forgetting it's over here now.

I'm going to help her check her mail.

How you doing?

Did you get any sleep?

Oh, about 20 minutes. How about you?

I never even made it home.

When I left your place, when was it, around 3? I just drove and drove. I went

around the Beltway twice.

You know, Frank, it was great of you to be there with me last night.

Boys, you get hit with something like this, and, well, it's great to have

someone who understands your shorthand. You know, someone who understands what

you're going to say without making you say it. You know, I keep thinking, I

just... I can't stand by and let this happen to you, so I have made a

I'm going to quit my job and take care of you. I'm going to make you well

I just know I can do it.

Oh, Frank, I appreciate this thought and everything, but I'm not going to let

you take care of me.

You can't take care of your own socks.

Next summer, they'll find me stuck behind the cushion on the couch.

You always think you can handle everything by yourself.

Because I can.

No, you can't, and I'm not going to let you shut me out. I was just wanting

something as long as you come and say, hey, what do you think I was doing? I

like I would.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It's just that it's barely been 12 hours. I just need to stand back and get

perspective on it. Look, I understand that, but this is no time to dawdle.

is cancer.

It's cancer, and you're...

You know, in your boobie, Frank.

Well, actually, I was going to say ta -ta.

Oh,

it can't be possible.

Murphy and Frank can't be.

And I suppose it's just some crazy coincidence that Frank is wearing the

clothes he was wearing yesterday?

I'm not convinced they're the same. There are a thousand shades of gray.

That's the beauty of gray.

You know, I once spent a Christmas season working as a store detective at

Macy's. P .S. Never date a Santa.

I became a keen observer of human behavior. In my year here, I have yet to

Frank wear the same clothes two days in a row.

You know, he has 37 pairs of shoes.

That's more than I have.

By five.

I'd rather picture my parents on Christmas morning doing it in a crash in

of the Walmart.

Is there no relief from you?

Look, I can't talk about this anymore, Frank. Shouldn't we get to the story

meeting? Wait, are you going to tell the guys?

No, it's too soon.

Oh, come on, Murph. They should know. They're your friends. They love you.

And besides, I might need someone to talk to.

Okay, Frank, we'll tell them, but that's it.

Thanks.

God, they are sleeping together. I hope Frank doesn't feel the need to talk

about it like he does with everything else. There's nothing to talk about.

They're not having an affair, and that's all there is to it.

Guys, um, Murphy and I need to talk to you about something. Could you come

inside for a sec, please?

Sure.

Dear Lord.

It's the third sign of the apocalypse.

Woman's gonna eat him alive.

I bet he cried afterwards.

Okay, here's the deal.

I just thought all of you should know the mammogram that I had yesterday,

was something on it. Murphy has breast cancer.

And you slept with her?

Murphy! Oh, I'm so sorry.

Thanks, Jim.

You know, you shouldn't even be at work today. You said you're going to be

taking more time off.

I told you last night that's the last thing I want.

Whatever you need, you've got.

In a couple of minutes, I'm going to need a neck brace, Corky.

Oh, I'm just afraid, but if I let go, I'll just fall to pieces.

I'm willing to take that chance.

don't we start the story meeting because i've got a doctor's appointment in a

couple of hours everything's going to be fine i made it through bosnia beirut

and avery's second grade production of showboat i can make it through this

go good idea sweater i

want you to know

Hey, Murphy.

Now, look, I'm no babe in the woods here. I've got too many friends who've

through this, and I've read more than my share of reports on this disease, so

let's just cut to the chase. I've got a two -centimeter tumor. The question on

the table is, do I get a lumpectomy or just go ahead and remove the entire

breast?

Did you say hello?

Hi, Nancy. How are you doing? Fine.

How's the new house coming? Great. I finally found the tile for my upstairs

bath.

You don't really care, do you?

Oh, I really wish I did.

Okay.

Just jump ahead a little bit.

Yes. You have a two -centimeter lesion, which is not huge, but it's not small

either.

All right, I'm thinking about the mastectomy. Just lop it off, end of

I'll have a much higher chance of survival, right?

Not necessarily.

Okay, so then I should have the lump back to me, just take out the bad and

the good? Is that my best course of action?

Not necessarily.

Well, what do we do now? We already covered Hello and your remodel.

I have new pictures of my grandkids.

They went to Epcot.

Listen, Murphy, this morning I did some research and found the most recent

studies. From what I saw...

There is no difference in survival rates between those women who've had

lumpectomies and those who have chosen to have mastectomies.

Well, they can't be the same.

I mean, one's got to be better than the other, even if it's by just this much.

You know, the crazy thing, Nancy, is I don't feel sick at all. In fact, I feel

great. I'm in the best shape I've ever been.

Last Tuesday, I chased Alan Greenspan around the Federal Reserve Building.

They've got marble floors. It's like running on sand.

Still, I nailed him hiding behind the penny sorter.

How could I be sick? This just doesn't make any sense.

It never does.

You know, I had a dream last night.

Avery and I were rushing out of the townhouse. We got outside. There was

gigantic body of water in front of the house. So, I don't know, we were in a

hurry. I didn't know what else to do, so I parted it.

Avery was so proud of me.

And Moses was there. He was getting into his car or something, and he said, wow.

How about that?

I impressed Moses.

That is a great attitude.

Murphy, you have to remember, breast cancer is doable, okay?

Okay, so it's doable.

Now, I've got to consult a breast surgeon and who else? A medical

surgical oncologist, a surgical pathologist, and maybe a hairdresser.

fullness around your face. It's just me, I know.

Most women still get total mastectomy as their initial treatment for breast

cancer. But total mastectomy is a misnomer because we can never be certain

that... Well, only 30 % of women with breast cancer need mastectomy.

...mastectomy, which requires several weeks of radiation. There are two types

chemotherapy. Some experts say a woman in her... Stop

it! Stop it! Stop it! I've had just about enough of this! I don't have any

answers and have to...

give me contradicts itself.

Nurse. How is anybody supposed to know what the hell to do? Where's the black

white, the right or wrong, the yes or no? Nurse.

Here's an idea, Doc. We put all of you guys in one big arena, send out for a

of Chinese food, and lock the doors. Nobody comes out until you come up with

definitive course of treatment so that people like me know exactly what to do.

Nurse. You know, I've still got a lot of things on my to -do list, Doc, so can

you at least tell me this? If I buy green bananas, will I still be around to

them ripen?

Oh, Jim, I'm sorry I skipped out on the story meeting, but I had all these

doctors to see this morning. I'm telling you, I've seen every doctor in the

District of Columbia, and not one of them validates. Oh, doctors, well, the

story meeting went very well. Of course, that Corky is an impeccable source in

the FDA.

And Kay has some great ideas about graphics. I'd tell you more about them,

don't want to steal her thunder. Goodbye.

Not now, Corky.

Ah, Murph, how did it go? What did the doctor say?

Oh, they said a lot and they didn't say anything.

It's like following the Whitewater money trail.

I've got all this information and I don't know what the hell to do with it.

so, uh, I guess this is a bad time to show you all this breast cancer research

hanging off the internet.

Right. And, uh, here, I got it from Georgetown University Hospital.

You know, this disease isn't going to kill me. I'm going to die under an

avalanche of brochures and pamphlets and print out some graphs.

So I guess you really don't want to see the slideshow, huh?

Thank you for your help in this decision, but right now I'm kind of

toward eeny, meeny, miny, moe. Listen, everything I read says that before you

decide between a lumpectomy and a mastectomy, you should consult a

reconstructive surgeon. Now, I've gone over it, and I've got the name of the

best breast man in Washington. House or Senate?

I'm serious, and we can go this afternoon, and I'll go with you.

I can't do that. I've got work to do. I'm so behind. Can't we talk about this

tomorrow? Well, tomorrow would be too late, but now would work.

What do you mean, now would work?

Well, I sort of made an appointment for you.

We better get going pretty soon. As a matter of fact, we should go right now.

You see, it's the doctor's anniversary, and he's staying late because it's you.

Go on.

Well, I...

I sort of promised him an autographed picture of you for his wife. But lucky

us, he didn't get her a present yet.

She's a huge fan.

So I sort of promised her that you'd give her a tour of the studio.

On a Saturday.

And your wife's name is what again?

Rosemary. But Rose is fine.

I call her Rose.

Just right, Rose.

Looking forward to meeting you on Saturday.

There you go.

Thank you.

Now, Murphy, I want you to know, if you choose a mastectomy, there have been

incredible advances in breast reconstruction.

Besides prosthetic devices, we can use a woman's own body fat to reconstruct a

breast. Body fat?

That is if I had any.

Okay.

May I say something?

Murphy is about to embark on a journey of self -discovery.

If she should decide to pursue the option of mastectomy, it's very

her that she feel no less of a woman.

Because for women, the breast means so much.

It is perhaps the most symbolic of all the female...

Extremities.

Really, Frank? You've given this a great deal of thought, haven't you?

Oh, yeah.

You should know that prosthetic devices can provide a great deal of latitude.

Let me show you what I'm talking about. I think you'll be quite impressed.

Hey there, party doll. Come here often?

to be out any second. Well, come on. Isn't this symbolic? Doesn't she have a

nice set of symbols?

Put that down.

What's the matter, Frank? Would you be more comfortable with a two -drink

minimum and a $10 cover charge?

You are playing very fast and loose with someone else's breasts.

There we go, Murphy.

And keep in mind, you have the option of going up a cup size or two.

Well, what do you think, Frank? Should I go with Demi Moore or Elsie the cow?

As you can see, they are very realistic to the touch.

It's okay. You can squeeze it.

Let me show you some examples of my work.

Oh, wow.

Look at that.

Hey, these are great.

Hey, Murph, those would go great with your blue dress.

Now, don't be too hard on him.

If I had a dime for every man who made a fool of himself over press.

Well, actually, I do.

How are you doing?

How am I doing?

Spinning off the planet.

lumpectomy, mastectomy. I mean, I like my breasts fine, but they're not worth

dying over.

I hear you.

They're just breasts. It's not like they do anything. They can't read. They

can't clean the bathtub.

I did use them once to steer my car over the 14th Street Bridge.

Oh, I slipped into a pair of pantyhose.

Although I did hit the guardrail twice, so I'm not sure how vital they are.

Well, think about what you're saying, ladies. You may not want to admit it,

but... You use them a lot more than you think.

Oh, I don't know about that. I'm past my childbearing years. I don't date that

much. I'll probably never get married.

Now, Murphy, there's always ho.

That's just the cancer talking.

Shut up, cancer.

You know, Corky might be right.

I do occasionally use them, like, you know, in a restaurant trying to get a

better table.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

Is that table available over there?

How about that booth over there?

Susan and Sharon.

My breasts.

Susan and Sharon.

I named them after the twins Hayley Mills plays in The Parrot Trap.

I'm sure you have never used Woodward and Bernstein to get anything.

Come on, Murphy. We all know how men respond to them. It's primal. Well,

no denying they do have a certain effect on men.

I remember once I went to a press club dinner. I was surrounded by Henry

Kissinger, Oliver Stone, Arthur Schlesinger, and four of the 12

walked on the moon. I had them eating out of my hand. They were just hanging

my every word. Then Anna Nicole Smith walked in, and I practically heard their

vertebrae snap as they swung around to get a look at them.

When she asked Kissinger what it was like on the moon, I took my leave.

You know, someday soon, there's going to be a woman president.

But I bet she won't be flat -chested.

I guess the Secret Service won't have to worry about her drowning.

Yeah, her slogan would be, you voted for boobs before, now get the real thing.

Well, I don't know if any of this has helped you, Murphy. It hasn't.

Just trust your instincts.

They've always been true.

I don't know.

It can't come down to vanity.

what men think or how you look in a bathing suit. God knows that's the

thing from my mind.

But I've got a life, a son, and a mortgage, and I'd like to be around for

three.

I've got two options, and they both stink, but I've got to choose one.

So I've got to choose the one that gives me the most hope.

I'll tell you what, sis. What if, in an act of solidarity, we each make a big

decision, too?

Oh, I like that, Kay.

All right, I'm going to make a decision. Here goes.

I'm 35 years old.

I don't have any children.

I'm on my second marriage.

My husband lives in another city.

So, even though it goes against everything my family believes in, I'm

therapy.

I'm going to do whatever it takes to get myself together.

If it takes going five or six times, so be it.

Your turn, Kay.

All right, I'm going to leave Mr.

Woo. Who? Woo. Who's Woo?

Lou Woo.

He's the man I've been involved with for a very long time, and I'm sick of his

mind games.

It's time to end it.

Oh, I feel like a yoke's been lifted from my neck.

Good, good for you, Kate. Oh, and listen, by the way, here's Lou's card,

He's an excellent psychiatrist.

And giving him a referral will soften the blow of my leaving.

Can I get you ladies anything else?

I'll have a decaf coffee.

Regular coffee, slice of peach pie.

How about you? Have you made up your mind?

I'm going to have to go on back to me.

We've got 20 seconds to air. Don't tell me you can't get this clump of hair

done. Hurry, hurry.

No brothers watching me on the feed.

You'd use the gel, the spray, the non -dairy creamer, anything.

Is there a glue gun backstage?

No time, no time.

Go tighter.

Go tighter.

Good evening, this is Jim Dial, and welcome to FYI.