All language subtitles for murphy_brown_s09e23_mama_miller

Play this, people. We're coming back
from commercial in one minute.

Okay, we seem to be running a bit short,
so you'll have to kill some time with a

little banter. Oh, good lord.

Oh, I hate banter.

Why don't we just call it what it is?
Happy talk.

Empty, stupid, mindless happy talk.

Now, come on, Jim. I'm sure we could
think of something worthwhile to banter

about.

Hey, we could talk about what the spring
flooding is doing to the economy of the

Midwest. This is a national news
program, damn it, not think.

Right, the interest rate.

Welfare reform. Oh, no, no, don't you
understand.

The topic has to be serious.

It has to be profound. It has to be...
Mother's Day.

Gosh, it's just a super holiday, isn't
it? Just super.

And since we have a little time to
chat...

How did you spend your Mother's Day,
Murphy?

Well, I spent it with my son, Avery.

Super, that's super.

Miller, how about you?

Oh, I called my mother on the phone, and
we talked about stuff.

Super.

There's nothing more touching than a boy
and his mother talking about...

Stop.

Corky, what about you? Any super fun
Mother's Day activity?

Well, Jim, my sisters and I took my
mother to a spa. That was a lot of fun.

Oh, God.

It wasn't that much fun.

Oh, I think we all enjoyed chatting
about Mother's Day, but I'm afraid

all the time we have. For Murphy Brown,
Frank Fontana, Joe Wood, Miller

Redfield.

And we're clear.

A little bit too late, but we're clear.

Ah, good work, everyone.

I think you just convinced 20 million
viewers that they should read more.

What's the matter, Miller?

Hey, hey, hey, you okay, man?

Oh, of course he's fine. He's always
blubbering about something.

Remember the time he found out there was
a man in that Barney costume and he

wore dark sunglasses for a week?

Murphy, can't you see Miller's hurting?

There, there.

Trouble, son. Yeah, Miller, you can tell
us.

Well, you remember when I said that I
talked to my mother on the phone about

stuff? Well, you see, it was more than
that.

She... She... She... Okay,

now I'm starting not to care.

Come on now, Miller. Miller, she...
What?

She... She said that I'm a complete and
total embarrassment and that she's

deciding to write me off as her son.

Gee, that's a tough break.

So who's up for Phil's?

She said that I'm her only child that is
still single. Her only child who

doesn't have a family. That I'm her only
child who's a... How did she put it?

Oh, yeah.

An idiot!

No, she's a mother.

Mothers have very high expectations for
their children.

Yes, she also said that anyone who works
in television might as well be a

carnival worker biting their heads off
of chickens.

If the woman's a monster, you should put
her in a home.

Oh, listen to me.

Hey, I don't want to burden you with my
problems.

You guys go to Phil's. I'll be...

I've learned that you can try to make
people love and respect you, but you

force them to.

That's why ultimately what matters is
what you think of yourself.

Now, does that seem to make sense?

Well, yeah.

Yeah, it does.

It really makes sense.

See, it's not so hard.

What does any of that have to do with my
mother?

Hey, guys.

You know, I just want to thank you guys.

Those things you said made me realize
that my mother has got me all wrong. You

know, it's like you said.

I'm kind, decent, clean.

I have very legible handwriting.

You were sort of reaching toward the end
there.

Well, I'm glad things are working out
for you. Hang in there, son. Okay? Yeah.

Everything's going to be okay.

You bet it is. You know, it's going to
be better than okay. In fact, from this

day forward, I will never be intimidated
by my mother again.

Okay.

Oh, hello.

I am Virginia Redfield. Can you tell me
where I might find my son, Miller

Redfield? What the

hell are

you doing, Miller?

Me? Oh, nothing. Just hanging.

Crying out loud. What are you looking
at? All right.

It's my mother. Make her go away,
Murphy.

That's your mother?

Yeah, why do you say it like that?

I don't know. I guess I expected
something more simian.

Well, that's her. I'm not going out
there, and you can't make me.

Miller, get out.

All right, I'll go.

Listen, Murphy, why don't you come out
there with me?

If she saw that you were my friend, she
might think better of me.

But we're not friends.

All right, fine. Well, you could say
that we're colleagues.

Uh -uh.

People who work together?

I'd really rather not commit to that.

Okay, fine. Hey, I understand, really.

I don't need you to go out there with
me.

Yeah, okay, what do you want?

All I want is for my mother to love me.
Didn't you want for your mother to love

you?

All right, here's what I'll do.

I'll go out there, I'll stand next to
her, and I won't say anything.

And if she happens to interpret that as
a lack of repulsion towards you on my

part, then so be it.

Wow, you'd do that for me?

Thanks, Murphy, you're a real friend.

I mean, you're somebody who's not
repulsed by me.

And that, in a nutshell, Murphy, is
Einstein's theory of relevosity.

Oh, hello,

dummy.

Well, what are you doing here?

Well, Miller, I've been feeling bad
about our phone conversation the other

night. You have? Yes, and I don't like
to think of myself as an unfair or

judgmental person, so I decided to come
up here and see for myself if your life

really is the complete and total
embarrassment I know in my heart it is.

Well, hey, any reason for a visit's a
good one.

Hey, hey, Mom, listen. There's someone
very special that I'd like for you to

meet. Mom, meet... Murphy Brown. Well,
now, there is no need to introduce me to

the famous Murphy Brown. Now, I don't
like most people on television, but you

are the shining exception. I never miss
one of your reports. I think you're

terrific.

Murphy and I are friends.

You two are friends?

Now, you know, I must say I find that
just a little surprising.

The only other friend I remember Miller
ever having as a boy was a stick.

Even gave it a name, didn't you?

What was the name you had for that
stick?

Stick.

You always were a dummy.

I've got to get to lunch. It's been a
pleasure meeting you. Why don't we join

you? I'm feeling a little peckish
myself. And since you and Miller are

close friends... Well, we are, but you
know we're not the kind of good close

friends who eat together.

Oh? Well, that's true. Yeah, but you
know, there was that one time that we

eat together. Remember that, Murphy? The
time we ate together?

No. Come on! You remember? We ate
together.

You had the... food.

the time we had the food and all that
beverage.

Right then. Come on, let's go.

You know, come to think of it, Miller
did have one other friend after his

friend got chewed up by the neighbor's
dog.

Remember that?

Miller, it was a rock.

What was the name you had for that rock?

Stick.

I have done some research on it, and it
turns out that when I was pregnant with

Miller, we were living downwind of a
nuclear testing facility.

Can I ask you for some menus? Oh, and,
Miss Brown, you don't have to sit here

you don't want to. I got a table over
there wide open.

Uh, that's okay.

Murphy's eating with me.

Really? So, what happened? You lose a
bet or something?

Okay, what can I get you to eat?

I can't decide between the tuna salad
and the club sandwich. Which do you

recommend, dummy?

Well, the tuna salad's got a lovely...
Well,

Murphy, I have to say, of all my sons,
Miller is absolutely the last one I

have expected to have a friend of your
obvious breeding and stature.

I know. Sometimes I just have to pinch
myself to make sure it's all real.

It's all real.

Well, that's very nice of you to defend
your friend like that, Murphy, but I

still wouldn't put him in the same
category as my son, Breen. Now, Breen is

entrepreneur whose company just made it
into the Fortune 500.

Or Debbie, my daughter, the brain
surgeon.

Or my oldest son, Robert, the actor.

Robert. Oh, now, Miller, come on. He
does run that lovely independent film

festival out in Utah.

And he's done so much good work on
behalf of the environment.

Are you telling me that your son
Miller's brother is... Let's just say

always be Robert Redfield to me.

There you are, Miss Brown. Hi.

Wait a minute. You're having lunch with
Miller?

What happened? Did you lose a bet or
something?

Anyway...

Do you want to know if we still need to
have the story meeting at your house

tomorrow? Yeah, we do. Okay, great. I'll
go tell her. Good. Oh, you know what?

I'll tell her myself.

No, no. You're eating lunch. I'm happy
to tell her for you. Really, I insist.

It was a pleasure meeting you.

Really, Miss Brown, you could have
stayed. Just shut up and keep moving.

This is your great friend. She really
is. You know, I'm so lucky to have a

friend like Murphy.

Miller, will you stop it?

I know what's going on.

You do?

Well, of course I do.

A mother always knows where her son is
lying to her.

The way Murphy is so uncomfortable being
called your friend.

The way she doesn't want to be seen with
you in public.

You two aren't friends.

You're right.

We're not friends. We're not friends at
all. Of course you're not.

It's perfectly obvious that you and
Murphy are lovers.

Oh, that's a good one. You've got to
hear this, Bill Jr.

My mother thinks that Murphy and I are
lovers.

Believe me, Mom, if there's one thing
we're not, it's lovers.

Well, that's too bad, because I was
starting to see you in a whole new

Okay, you got me. We are lovers, yeah.

Boy, are we ever lovers. I knew it. I
just knew it. My boy is having himself a

little office romance.

And he's smart enough to keep it quiet
because that's the professional thing to

do. You know, Miller, you may not be a
complete and total embarrassment after

all.

I love you, Mom.

Hi,

Miller. Oh, hi, Miss Redfield. What a
surprise.

Yeah, well, my mother wanted to see what
an FYI story meeting is like.

Isn't that nice?

And to get me a peek at you and Murphy's
little love nest.

But remember, Mom, I'm trying to keep
this whole office romance thing a

Hey, don't you worry about me. I can
keep my mouth shut.

Look how long I kept it from you that
the neighbor's dog ate your goldfish.

Wait. I thought you told me you gave
stick to SeaWorld.

Oh, yeah.

That is what happened.

Hey, everyone. You remember my mother,
Virginia?

Oh, yes.

Here's a plate, Mrs. Redfield.

Why don't you take some food?

Yes. Murphy's cooking up a storm.

And she cooks?

Because I dragged you all to my house
for the story meeting, I figured a nice

home -cooked breakfast was the least I
could do.

So, is everybody happy?

Well, actually, Murph, now that you
mentioned it, I don't think I can eat

eggs. They're just, like, a little
runny.

Oh,

gee, I'm really sorry.

I guess you were under the impression
that I was running a restaurant!

Would you all excuse me? I'd like to go
freshen up. Miller, where's the little

girl's room?

How the hell should I know?

What?

I mean, how the hell should I know which
is the best bathroom for you to use?

Frank's the bathroom expert.

Frank, which bathroom should my mother
use? I don't know.

The one in the upstairs hallway?

Oh, yeah, yeah, that is a good one.
Yeah, in fact, it just may be my

You know, and while I'm up there, I'll
just poke around a little to familiarize

myself with the house.

After all, I'll probably be spending a
lot more time here.

What do you mean by that?

Yeah. Why would she say she'd be
spending a lot more time here?

Uh, you know, it's...

Just an expression. But look, when my
mother comes back down, if she should

it sound like Murphy and I are lovers,
just play along, okay?

Why would she say something like that?

Because I told her Murphy and I are
lovers.

For the first time in my life, my mother
respects me, and it's because she

thinks I'm in a relationship with
Murphy. Good.

God, man, you're insane.

Do you have any idea what Murphy will do
to you when she finds out? Now, now,

wait. As someone who has schemed and
plotted against Murphy, it's not

to deceive her.

It takes skill. It takes cunning. It
takes a brain significantly larger than

filbert you've got working for you.

Relax, okay? Murphy is not going to find
out. Now, I've thought this whole thing

through. I've accounted for every
possibility.

Trust me, this plan is foolproof.

Miller!

Did you know there's a little boy
upstairs?

Oh!

I mean, there is? Yes, Murphy has a
little boy upstairs. Why didn't you tell

Why didn't I tell you? Oh, that's a good
question.

Yeah, I didn't tell you because...
Because... Because

Murphy and I have been secretly married
for years and that little boy up there

is my son.

Oh!

The sausages are ready. They turned out
a little runny, too. I think there's

something wrong with the oven.

Thank you, Murphy.

Thank you, thank you, thank you.

You don't come like that, huh? Well,
there's a whole lot more. I'll just go

them out of the garbage disposal.

You have blessed my family. From your
loins has sprung an heir.

What are you talking about?

Now, you know I'm talking about the fact
that you and... Oh, my God, Mom!

Mom, you've got something on your cheek.

What? What? Where? Which one? Well, it's
just, it's all over.

Maybe I'll have to wash it off. Oh,
yeah, that's a good idea. Oh, gosh, I

I'm going to throw up.

Okay, so what do you say we get back to
the story meeting now?

Forget the story meeting. Why was your
mother talking about my loins?

Your loins?

I've got a good explanation for that,
but I...

Can't give it to you, right? I'll go to
my house.

Any of you know what's going on?

I'm going to go help Miller's mother and
pick her up. Good idea.

Yeah, me too.

Hold it, Miller.

What's going on here?

Okay, Murphy.

I can't do this anymore.

I've got to come clean.

I've been lying to my mother.

Oh. God, don't tell me she still thinks
we're friends.

No, she sort of kind of thinks we're
married and I'm the father of your

Oh, yeah.

It is pretty funny, huh?

You're going to kill me now, aren't you?

You don't have to do this, okay?

I never should have lied to my mother in
the first place.

I should be happy with who I am and not
look to her for approval.

All right, so you're going to tell her
the truth and clear this whole thing up?

Yes. Yes, I am.

Okay, but I still reserve the right to
kill you.

Well, that's only fair.

Mom, could you come out here, please?

Yes. What is it?

Uh... Remember how I told you that
Murphy and I are married and that the

upstairs is mine?

Yes. Well, the truth is, the kid isn't
mine.

He isn't. No, he isn't.

Fact is, Murphy's been cheating on me
for years, but I forgive you, honey.

All right, that's enough.

Miller and I don't have a son. I'm not
his wife, and as for being his friend,

well...

closest I ever came was one time on FYI
when I felt guilty and told him Naked

Day was canceled.

Miller, is this true?

Yes, Mother, it's true.

Well, I... I don't know what to say.
Well, I'm shocked. I am outraged.

But mostly, I'm relieved, huh? What?
Miller, this woman is a filthy slob.

You know... Not to see that kitchen.

Now, hold on a second. When I was
upstairs, I took a little peek inside

bedroom closet. You looked inside my
closet? You bet I did, because closets

never lie. And yours says piggy, piggy,
piggy.

Trust me, son.

Even a dummy like you can do a darn
sight better than this sorry excuse for

mate. Now, you listen up, short stuff. I
happen to be a great maid. I have a

terrific sense of humor. I'm a good
listener. I like to cuddle. I'd be a

wife for Miller.

Oh, God, what the hell am I saying?

You don't even know what you're talking
about.

Does she, Miller?

Murphy's right.

What did you say?

I said she's right.

I'd be lucky to be her husband. And if
you're going to let a messy silverware

drawer or a filthy, disgusting pigsty of
a closet stand in the way of you seeing

what a great person Murphy Brown is,
well, I'm not sure I care what you think

me anyway.

I cannot believe what I'm hearing.

You've never talked to me like this
before.

In fact, none of my children has ever
talked to me like this.

But I guess you always were different.

And by different, I don't mean artistic
or creative.

I mean slow, dim -witted, slack -jawed,
dumber than... Yeah, I got it, Mom.

I guess what I'm trying to say, Miller,
is maybe it's best if you just go on and

live your life the way you want to, and
I'll just make the best of it.

Wow, thanks, Mother.

Oh, that's all right, son.

And if anybody back home asks, I'll just
tell them that... You are married to

Murphy Brown, and that darling little
boy upstairs is my grandson.

Would that be okay, Murphy?

No.

All right.

I believe I'll go call my son Breen.

Trashing that plug -ugly hussy of a wife
of his always makes me feel better.

Okay, you can kill me now.

I'm not going to kill you, Miller.

With a mother like that, you've suffered
enough for a lifetime.

Tell me about it.

I can't believe I told that stupid lie.

You and me married? What was I thinking?

That has got to be the stupidest lie
anyone has ever told in the history of

entire world. I mean, it's just so
stupid.

Well, now, hold on, Miller.

You and I being married, it is pretty
stupid, but it's not the stupidest thing

in the history of the world.

Huh.

So you want to go out to my car and mess
around?

You really are going to kill me now,
aren't you?

Morning, everybody.

I had such a good time making breakfast
yesterday that I decided to try my hand

at gourmet coffee.

Oh, quit complaining. It turned out
really nice. $3 .50 for a cup of fancy

takeout.

Okay.

So who likes it thick?