Original subtitles

How will you make it on your own?

This world is awfully big.

Girl, this time you're all alone.

But it's time you started living.

It's time you let someone else do some giving.

Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have it down, why don't you

take it?

mind just made

to work this morning. My carpool didn't pick me up. Oh, how come?

They're sore at me. It finally dawned on them I don't have a car.

Yeah, I'm glad to.

Good. Hey, Rhoda, do I look all right to you?

Terrific. Really? Oh, yeah. That's some color. Yeah? Good.

All right, dress, you are no longer returnable.

You are mine, all mine.

I never knew anyone who went to buy a brand new dress for a Wednesday morning.

Well, I just want to make an impression on somebody.

People describe me. He can't be too great. What does he look like? He also

happens to be very good looking.

Slightly gray?

Slightly gray.

Where? His face?

His suit?

A round temple.

Does he got a name?

His name is Paul Arnell.

Hey, well, you've met his brother, Howard Arnell. Remember, I dated him a

of times. Oh, Howard.

Yeah. But don't worry. Paul is nothing like Howard. I mean, I don't... I don't

think Paul even owns a tie that lights up in the dark.

Well, how did you meet Paul?

I mean, did Howard introduce you to him? No, we're doing a series of interviews

with Congressman Styron, and Paul writes his speeches, so we've met a couple of

times, and he's coming by the office today, so... Did he ask you out or

anything? Well, he did once. I couldn't make it. I told him I was doing

something. So tell him you've stopped doing it.

got some guests here.

Yes, a few people just dropped in.

Oh, I don't know, I guess he'll be here a couple of hours anyway.

You'll, uh, you'll what?

You'll hold.

Oh, yes, of course, I knew you were just kidding, Howard. I knew that.

Listen, I really, I have to go.

All right, I won't take any wooden nickels.

Yes, I'll be sure to say hi to Paul when I see him. Right.

Good talking to you, too. Me and my Howard.

Quick, before he calls again.

Mary, have you got Congressman Steinman's questions for Paul Arnell

here? Right on your desk. Good.

You know, Murray, I've been meaning to ask you, just hypothetically speaking,

a man has asked a woman out... and she couldn't make it, how does she go about

asking him or getting him to ask her out again?

Oh, well, it depends on who the particular man is and who the particular

is. Well, nobody, nobody in particular, any two people, just hypo, you know,

aesthetically speaking.

Hey, is the hypothetical woman you?

I shouldn't even have brought it up.

Just that there's something, you know, kind of interesting about him. Who?

Paul Arnell.

Paul Arnell? Hey, he's... Ray, why don't you go out with him?

Well, I... No.

Come off the wire, Mr. Grant. Oh, thanks.

Uh, Mary?

Sir?

Skip it.

Uh, skip what?

Time for sentiment.

Tough Lou Grant.

Oh, no.

No, Mr. Grant, I don't think that you're so well... What? Well, usually I do.

Tough Lou Grant.

But underneath it all, Mary, I think of you... Well, I think of you like a

daughter, which is saying a lot, because I have three daughters, and one of them

I don't even think of as a daughter.

You know, you're very sweet.

In a tough sort of way.

So when I heard certain things around the office, I made certain inquiries so

that maybe I could help you out with a certain situation.

Well, I certainly want to thank you, Mr. Grant, but I don't know what you're

talking about.

Now, what? Who?

Paul Arnell.

What? Fellow makes $13 ,000 a year, lives here in town, VA from Dartmouth,

military, four years in the Air Force. No, no, Mr.

Grant, I don't want to hear this.

Marilyn. status?

Uh, go on.

Never been married.

Thank you.

Murray, you just couldn't wait to go and tell Mr. Grant about Paul Arnell.

Oh, hey, it wasn't like that at all.

Look, the man asked me a direct question and I had to answer him. He said who

and I said Paul Arnell.

Could you tell me why Mr. Grant would say who? Because he said, guess what guy

Mary's interested in?

interested in someone?

Who?

Don't tell me who it is. Just what are the initials? Oh, Ted.

Oh, come on, Mayor. Everyone here knows but me.

Mayor, how about you? Come on. What are the initials? All right, all right. The

initials are P .A. P .A. As in Paul Arnell.

Oh, as in Paul Arnell.

It wouldn't be Peter or somebody, would it, Mayor?

acting pretty cute when he gets here. I mean it. I'm gonna quit.

Mary, don't worry. We won't even be here.

We'll leave, okay?

Okay.

Oh, hi, Paul.

Hi. Paul Arnell.

Good to see you. Paul Arnell. P .A. Paul Arnell.

Now, we gotta go now, Paul.

I guessed it, didn't I? Didn't I guess it?

It's okay. Did you get something in it? Just a fist.

A what?

No, nothing, nothing.

Paul, let me see it.

Pretty bad, huh?

No, it looks pretty good.

Oh, really?

It's amazing to me how much punishment the human face can take before it

Do you get any coffee?

Yeah, sure.

But, Paul, what happened?

Oh, I was sitting next to this guy.

lunch counter, and he's reading Styron's speech in the newspaper, and he's

making loud, rude remarks, you know. Uh -huh.

So I, uh, oh, cream and sugar.

Okay. Did you tell him that you wrote it?

Oh, no, not right away. He had a tattoo.

Uh, well, what has that got to do with it? Well, Mary, look, there are two

of people in the world, guys with tattoos and guys who are afraid of

by guys with tattoos.

you wrote the speech?

Uh, yeah.

So anyway, I stab, I say, hey, look, look, my friend, I wrote that speech,

right? So he gets a little embarrassed, you know, and that's when he hit me.

Well, you didn't get into a real, you know, a fight, did you? Fight? No, no,

Mary, there was no fight.

Good. It was more like a beating up.

Well, at least you acted civilized. I mean, you didn't hit him back.

Worse. I did worse.

I, uh, I kicked him.

I mean, you know what I mean? All your life, since you were a kid, all you ever

hear is, men don't kick, not under any circumstances. And girls don't bite or

scratch. Yeah, well, except during wartime, then maybe an enemy soldier

kick. Yeah, or bite or scratch, even. Yeah, well, but not a wholesome American

boy. Hey, Paul, that eye does look like it's beginning to swell up. Oh, really?

Yeah. You put hot water or cold water on a swollen eye? If you go sit down, I'll

do it.

Ooh!

You know, I think I wrecked my toe.

When he kicked him?

Yeah, I missed him and I hit the counter.

And I think I got him. I think he must have broken his fist on my face.

Oh, yeah, oh, that's good.

Other eye?

He hit you there, too?

No, it just feels good.

Your eye?

Say, listen, Mary, would you, um...

Would you be suspicious if I showed up at your apartment every night and you

to fix up my eye?

Oh, not in the least.

Oh.

Would you, uh... How about Friday night, say around 8 o 'clock?

Are you busy?

Uh, Friday night at, uh... Without a swollen eye.

No, I'm not busy. I'd like that.

Great.

That's terrific.

I'll be looking forward to it.

Me too.

Paul!

The siren interview. We still haven't gone over the siren material.

Siren, I guess.

I'm sure I made such a great exit.

Why is nothing ever perfect?

Hey, Mary.

I don't see one person with grain temples.

Give me a zip.

Oh, sure.

Don't you feel a little peculiar about going out with Paul?

Why? Because of Howard.

I told you, Howard and I were never what you'd call a big thing. Mary, I thought

he told you he loved you.

Yeah, I did. He tells everybody he loves them. I mean, Rhoda, if you dialed the

wrong number and got Howard, he'd tell you he loves you.

He would, huh?

That's worth a dime. It's been a while.

It's a magnifying mirror.

Mary, why didn't you warn me?

I thought it was a relief map of the moon.

When they sell a magnifying mirror, they should include a printed... suicide

note.

Uh, Rhoda, I think that's probably Paul. Yeah, probably.

So, uh, you want to, uh... Okay. If you want me to stay around and help you

break the ice, I'd be glad to.

Hi, Paul.

Hi. Let me take your coat.

Oh. I'd like you to meet my, uh, friend, Rhoda Morgan Stern. This is, uh, Paul

Arnell. Uh...

didn't tell me she was expecting company.

I guess I'll just be running along.

Say, Mary, you know that package that was delivered?

You know the one I need.

It has very nice wrapping.

Very...

I was going to bring you something, but I couldn't decide what.

What do you mean, like candy?

Or gum, I don't know.

Something kind of first date -like.

Look, I'll tell you the truth, Mary. I hate first dates. Oh, Paul, me too. I

hate them.

Do you want to sit down?

There. The first date craziness.

Right. Sit down. Thanks.

Say, Mary, do you remember...

When I was beaten up and I came to your office the other day. Yeah.

Well, why don't we call that our first date and then we can call this our

date. Terrific. I love that idea.

Good.

Listen, I don't want you to think I'm rushing into things, but just being our

second date, I'd like to take you home and have you meet my folks.

What? It's not what you think.

See, they're leaving for Europe tomorrow for two months, and I've just got to

stop by.

Oh, well, sure, I'd like to see them again. I met them once with Howard.

Oh, yeah. Well, it's really not where I would like to take you on our first time

out. Second time.

You know, if this was our first date, in a couple of hours I'd probably be

standing right here wondering, uh, should I kiss her goodnight while I gut

Or should I just wait, take a chance? Maybe she'll invite me in.

You know what I mean? I know.

Like, should I let him know that I wouldn't mind if he kissed me goodnight?

then would he think that I was, well, you know.

Mary, just to get it out of the way.

I want you to know, Mary, that I still

respect you.

Well, my little clothes here.

Well, we just stopped by to see if this charming house was for sale.

Did you remember Mary Richards? That's a pleasant surprise.

Well, Mary, what a coincidence.

We were just talking about you the other day. Oh, really?

Won't you sit down? Now, before you get settled, I've got something to show you

in the workshop.

Howard's invented a new one. You may not know this, Mary, but our Howard is

considered an innovative genius in his field.

You know, I've never really been sure what his field was.

I mean, I know he has something to do with bow ties that light up. That's it.

The under $9 novelty business.

Look at this cigarette box.

That's Howard.

Why?

To think.

Oh, Mary, you're standing on a hallowed ground.

Isn't this true, Mom? Right on this exact spot, in May 29th, 1968, Howard

invented reversible socks.

Plain on one side, argyle on the other.

Don't feel compelled to comment. A simple gasp will do.

Hey, wait up!

It's a lovely home.

Oh, thank you.

Oh, who are all the kids?

Oh, they're Howard.

Where's Paul?

Oh, here.

It's not very good of him, but it's quite flattering of the Santa Claus.

Would you like some coffee?

Yes, thank you.

Just a glass, please.

It was the lovely idea of Howard's to have Paul bring you by.

Oh, no, it wasn't Howard's idea. It was Paul's. Oh, really?

But it sounds so Howard.

So considerate. When was the last time you talked with him?

With Howard? Just a couple of days ago, as a matter of fact. How did he sound?

Well, he sounded like Howard.

What a lovely thing to say.

Let me tell you, Mary, all we hear from our boy 24 hours a day is marry this and

marry that.

Really?

His father said to me, when are Howard and Mary going to tie the knot?

But I said, well, that's up to Mary.

After all, she's Howard's girl.

Very funny, Paul.

I show him Howard's new musical razor that's already sold over 500 gross.

All they can say is very cute, but does it play melancholy baby?

Come on.

Yeah, so I made a joke. I mean, I think it's great that they're selling.

He made a joke. Sure, he made a joke. That's why he wouldn't go in business

me, because the whole thing is one big joke. Ha, ha.

Well, novelties are no joke to Howard.

Brian, we have company.

I'm sure. To a big Ivy League like Paul, a joke of a business like novelties,

well, how can it compare with writing out a lot of speeches for people?

Well, now, Dad, wait a minute. It's not what you call just writing out a lot of

speeches for people. Oh, Polly, he's just talking.

Oh, yeah, Mom, I know, I know. But, I mean, I've got to say it. It's not what

you'd call writing out a lot of speeches for people.

It's trying to get the thoughts of a very dedicated and concerned man down on

paper.

Did you read Styron's last speech?

His last speech?

No, he didn't.

Well, you should have.

Look, all the New York papers said it was a turning point in Styron's career,

and that with his kind of outspokenness, he could be a contender for governor in

a few years, and after that, who knows, he could go anyplace, even the White

House. Maybe even the White House, Dad.

So when I'm writing for Styron, that's what I'm writing about.

Well, as long as you're keeping busy.

Well, it's good to be home.

Well, listen, this is your bon voyage party, so let's wish you a bon voyage.

are you really looking forward to your trip? We're going to London, Dublin,

Asia, and Paris.

Tell me, is there something you'd like us to bring you back?

Oh, well, that's very sweet, but no, thank you.

How about some nice Irish lace?

Howard would love you in lace.

Mom. Well, he would.

After all, Irish lace makes such a nice you -know -what veil.

Well, thank you, Paul. I had a really great, you know, time.

Oh, sure. You had such a great time. You're home at 9 .30.

If you would have had any more... More of a great time. You could have been

by 8 .30.

Now, Mary, I'll tell you, they're just weird on the subject of Howard.

You know, that talk about you and Howard, I should have said something.

No, no, I should have said something. It's just that it's a little difficult

tell a woman you're not interested in her son when you're staring into

practically a shrine of his baby pictures.

Would you like some coffee?

No, thanks, Mary, no. I tell you, I'm going back to the house.

Wait, now?

Yes, right now. Those two people are leaving for Europe tomorrow for two

Now, I don't want them spending another 60 days thinking you're Howard's girl.

Do you want to come with me?

Well, I don't know. I think I'd probably feel a little funny.

Well, okay, if you feel funny, but I've got to go back there.

He walks up the stairs to the door, hoping she'll follow.

Look at that.

She gave him an encouraging smile.

Then she made a decision. She's going with him.

And a moment later, she's there by his side.

Taking his arm, she turned out the lights.

And they walked wordlessly into the night.

No,

no, Mary, come in. We didn't want to disturb you folks.

Oh, you're not disturbing us.

We, well, we were sort of hoping you'd pop back, weren't we, Brian?

What do you mean, tonight?

I don't know how to start here. Yes, I do.

Listen, Mom, Mary is my date.

She's not Howard's girl.

Does Howard know this?

Mrs. Arnell, you know, I went out with Howard exactly three times.

He asked me out a fourth time, which was about 11 months ago, and I said no.

Are you trying to tell me that your plans for the marriage are off?

Yeah, I think I could safely say that the plans for the marriage are off.

Well, as long as you're here, you may as well sit down.

So, Mom, what are you?

Looking in slides, huh?

I don't know.

Oh, yeah.

Yes, you were. You were looking at slides.

Where'd you get all these viewer things?

Howard got a deal on them, so he's trying to work them into something

Hey, there's a nice shot.

That's Dublin.

You know, I thought that you two had never been to Europe, Mrs. Arnell.

Mr. Arnell, I thought you two had never been to Europe.

We haven't. These are places we're going to visit.

So we'll recognize him when we get there.

Come on, Mother. Look at slides.

It's getting late.

Okay, here we go.

Viewers up, everybody.

Everybody click the number one.

Everybody got number one?

Yeah. Good.

Gee, this certainly is beautiful. Where is it? Looks like Disneyland.

No, Dad, it's the crumb one. Well, we're not going there. Number two, everybody

click the number two.

You can click all you want, but I'm not going.

You're not what?

I'm not going to Europe, Brian.

That's all, period.

What are you, crazy, Mom? What do you mean you're not going?

She's going, she's going. Click the number three, everybody. Number three.

Click, click, click, Brian, but I'm not leaving my two sons alone in America

with that... Well, I'm just not leaving my two sons alone in America.

Oh, no.

Mrs. Arnell. I don't want to discuss it. No, Mrs. Arnell, really.

I mean, I don't have any designs on your sons. I mean, Howard and I never did

have any kind of relationship. And Paul and I are just on our second, no, first

date. So we don't even know how we feel about each other. So go.

Wrong. Speak for yourself. I know how I feel about you.

I'm crazy about her.

Four. Everybody click to number four.

That's a nice clear shot, isn't it? That's Paris.

Wait for me, Brian.

Let me catch up.

Now, this thing here, of course, is your Eiffel Tower.

Wouldn't Howard love to see this?

I miss him already.

Maybe you could take him with you.

Seven. Everybody, let's click right on to seven. Everybody got on to seven?

You get the feeling we're always standing here?

Yeah, well, sort of, yes.

Well, here we are.

Do I come in?

Do I say goodnight?

Do I talk a lot to cover my self -consciousness?

Why don't we discuss it inside?

Well,

tomorrow morning, 8 a .m., the folks are off.

Do you think your mother's ever going to recover?

Recover? What if she sees her present?

Well, what'd you get her?

Howard. I bought him a ticket.