Original subtitles

The elevator's broken.

Yeah, I know.

Oh, he's got a mark on your neck. What is that? I just climbed 11 flights of

stairs.

176 steps.

With two suitcases.

He's always overpacked. He looks like a hickey to me, but is that a hickey? What

is that?

Oh,

Marion met me at the airport. She was so glad.

How long has the elevator been busted?

About four days.

Four days?

steps for four days how do you stand it they stayed inside i wish i had a girl

who would give me a hickey right now i'll tell you that boy

that's

why i don't have to go outside till the element is fixed i eat i phone in my

column and then i sleep

I'm not going to let this building make a hermit out of me. We've got to do

something about that. Don't you go on one of your crazy crusades now. Well,

today it's an elevator, tomorrow a slum. This building has been going straight

downhill ever since we got that new manager, that Mr. Lovely. Oh, cut it

will you? I'm very concerned here now.

I'm serious.

We've got to do something about this building. Our front door squeaks, the

bathroom tiles are loose, the air conditioner blows hot air. So do you.

will you cut it out, please? Now, this building is in great condition.

Oh, Mrs.

Gossard?

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

They love me.

What is the matter with...

in a room like another person. Let someone sleep. And who's the guy wearing

skirt? That's Jack Madonna, 14th floor. Isn't he great?

He marched to the housing administration just like that.

Surprised he didn't freeze his bagpipes off.

You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

Every single tenant in this building marched except you. Oh, you should have

heard us.

Our pipes all leak. Our drains all clog.

It shouldn't happen to a dog.

In unison. I made that up. It's very catchy.

The tenants want to have a rent strike. I have to hold them back. What did you

accomplish? We saw the proper authorities.

We told them our complaint.

And they called Lovelight in before the board. Boy, is he in big trouble.

I can't believe you.

Come in.

Tell them what March is. Tell them all about it. Guess what? I just ran into

Lovelight. Yeah? And he wants to see you in his office right away.

Right away?

Yeah. Well, he'll just have to wait till I get down there, won't he?

I don't think I'll... I'll make him crawl.

In victory, magnanimity.

I'll make him crawl a little.

Isn't he wonderful?

You really like him, don't you?

That's a nice show what you gave him at the airport today, that little hickey

right there when you met him, huh?

I didn't meet him at the airport.

What's that?

A Mr. Hickey. He had to meet me.

See, I was testing you.

I'll see you later.

Where are you going?

Cut my throat.

Mr.

Lovelace?

No, Mr. Lovelace.

No wonder the rest of us don't have water.

I took so long, my darling.

Oh, that's all right.

Oh, hunger.

I didn't know there was a human in the room.

Whom are you talking to?

The gang.

I've heard that's a very good idea, talking to Platt.

How long have you been doing that? Oh, for years.

Except for last month, we had a little falling out.

I'm so patched up now, I stepped out of line, baby.

Mr. Lovelace, do you want to get down to cadence?

Yes. The housing board mentioned some repairs.

Hmm.

And? I'm raising the rent $25 a month.

You are what?

Don't raise your voice in front of the plants. Don't let him upset you.

The commissioner ruled that because of all the improvements I've made, I am

entitled to a rent raise.

What improvements?

The welcome mat for one.

Big deal. Welcome, Matt.

And also, I painted the lobby. I bought the doorman a new uniform. I redecorated

my office. Lots and lots of things. What about our leaky pipes? What about our

broken windows? What about the cigarette butts in the elevator? What about our

squeaking door?

Got them on my list, but first things first. What comes first?

The rent.

Mr. Lovelace, I've been having a certain amount of difficulty holding the tenant

in check when they hear about this.

The fur is really going to fly.

Yeah?

What can they do about it?

How does a wrench strike grab you?

You hear that?

You call a wrench strike and I'll cut off all services. You cut off all

ages ago. You're a troublemaker, Unger. And darn proud of it. This country was

founded by troublemakers.

Millions for defense, not one cent for tribute. We're going to win this fight.

He turned

off

the heat. So what?

He turned off our water. So what?

We're going to go over his head.

Yeah, but how?

Nobody even knows who owns this building. Right. And that's why I...

Officer Greshler. He's my chief bloodhound.

We're counting on you, Officer Greshler.

You can keep on counting, Felix.

We want you to find out who the owner of this building is.

Want to give me a description of the man?

If I knew what he looked like, I'd know who he is.

Another blind alley.

Folks, go back to your apartments. Go in good cheer. Go in confidence.

We're going to win. Are we doing the right thing?

No, you're not. Yes, I am. Remember Valley Forge. Nobody's cold.

Nobody's suffering. We can stand it. We're fine.

It's cold.

It's cold.

It's cold. It's a little brisk. No, it's not brisk. It's cold.

It's really cold.

It's cold. The place turned off the heat. Isn't that great?

He's scared.

I'm scared, too. I'm scared stiff.

My room is freezing.

Well, good.

He thinks fresh in there.

Did you see that?

Yeah. Well, when that defrosts enough to make a fist, you better get out of my

sight.

What are you doing?

Let me have 20 minutes at 350, then turn me over, okay?

Oh.

Yes, yes, come in.

We're here for the door, Mr. Unger. Ah.

Come here.

What?

We have won.

Should I give him a seat? I'm going to call your newspaper.

Well, if I were you, I'd wait for the next edition.

What are you doing?

Oh, Lovelace told us to take away your door.

Nothing personal, Mr. Unger. I hope you won't hold this against us at Christmas

time.

Mr. Fafner, come back here.

Where are we going to hang a wreath?

You see what he did?

He fixed the squeak.

We're utterly defenseless.

We'll have to stand guard.

Any kook can walk right in.

and I got a good lead.

Yeah? What, what? This building is owned by somebody in show business. Now, I

can't divulge who it is until all the facts are in. Uh -huh. Just tell us the

name. Well, that's one of the facts that isn't in yet.

But I'm working on it.

Murray? Yeah, yeah.

Don't you want to know what happened to our door?

I can only work on one case at a time.

Changing of the guard.

Cool polar air from the region of the North Country pressed slowly southward

cover the northern two -thirds of the nation.

High winds swept the North and Middle Atlantic states to the rear of the

Atlantic storm and provided a chilly, blustery day as winter states returned

visit.

furniture. Where's our TV set?

Wow.

You missed one payment.

without furniture. There is not a single door in this entire building. A lot of

us have been robbed. The police are on it. They're going to find everything.

Believe me. You told us you were going to handle Mr. Lovelace. And I am. I'm

going down there right now. I'm not a terror.

You know how I am.

Denon, I have an announcement.

After much consideration, management has decided to settle the strike.

gets any of those things unless Felix Unger moves out of this building.

What's the matter?

I'm not moving fast enough for you?

Oh, come on, Phil. I'm sorry I yelled hooray, hooray. One of those involuntary

things. Where are you going to go?

I don't know.

Where do martyrs go?

Somewhere in this heartless city, there must be a lowly bed for me.

Room and bath, buck and a half.

Don't do that. You can't make me feel guilty. You walked into this with your

eyes wide open. I said you don't get involved. You'll be sorry. Didn't I tell

you so?

Oscar, all those times you went to the track and I told you not to go because

you couldn't afford to lose.

And you came back dead broke and you got those threatening letters from

Blanche's lawyer. Did I ever once say to you, I told you so?

Yeah, always.

I didn't let you go to jail, did I?

I lent you the money, didn't I? The money I'll never see again, that's for

Yeah, but that's nothing. It's easy to lend money, but there's nothing I can do

about it. No, no, of course not.

What is expected of a friend? Nothing.

You're a lucky man, Oscar.

You're getting rid of Felix and it's not even on your head.

Lovelace is doing your dirty work for you.

Talk all you want.

Not gonna make me feel guilty because it's not my fault. Nothing I can do

it.

Mr.

Lovely? Shh. I'm trying to get him to sleep.

You're Madison, right?

Yeah. Ah, never forget a tenant.

You room with that troublemaker Unger. Yeah.

Remember him?

Oh, come on. Aren't you being a little harsh with me? No.

He turns up the other tenants and he shouted at my geraniums. So he gets

away. He should get carried away in a basket.

Any man who wipes his shoes before going outside?

So he lies clean. That's no reason to throw a man out without a minute's

is it? I mean, look, I'll tell you the truth.

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm very sorry.

I'll level with him.

See, I've been waiting for years to get rid of him myself, but not like this.

Why don't we give him a couple of months, maybe to find someplace else, or

leave and go back with his wife, see?

He'll be going and we'll all be happy.

Well, the gang and I will be happy only if he's gone by tonight.

Wait a minute.

I came down here to work this out reasonably.

You've got to give a little. You don't understand. I'm the manager.

What I say goes.

And the next thing that goes may be you.

Hey, you're a loony, Lovelace. You know that? You treat people like they're

plants and plants like they're people.

I'm glad they weren't awake to hear that.

Yeah, well, Felix and I are staying. What do you think of that?

The other tenants aren't going to like it because no one gets heated doors

he's gone. Your nice neighbors are going to turn into an angry mob.

Yeah, well, we're going to stay and that's that.

Boo! Everybody up!

Rise and shine!

Drop your roots and grab your birds!

Everybody up! That's an expected mother!

You really told them all. No, I didn't. You lost your temper? Yes, sir.

That's not great.

You woke up as flowers, though. Yes, sir. Oh, you shouldn't have done that.

Oh, he got me mad. The important thing is you're staying. Oh, this is just...

You're top drawer in my chiffonier.

I'm going to go tell the tip.

No, no, no, no. I wouldn't do that if I were you. Why?

Well, Felix, it's going to be very difficult for you to talk with their

your mouth.

What do you mean? Well, nothing has changed.

You stay. They don't get doors. They don't get heat. They may get violent.

Big bully.

Well, now he's going to find out the meaning of solidarity.

We've got wonderful people in this building. They're going to rally behind

You see?

Here's Mrs. Osgood. Hi.

Get out.

Get out while you have the chance, pinko.

You think the mob will attack tonight?

It's quiet out there.

Yeah. Too quiet.

I saw this scene in a movie once.

Happened to Randolph Scott.

He didn't pay his rent?

Yes?

Felix, it's me.

Miriam? Yeah.

This is a trick. Oh, come on. How do I know it's you, Miriam? I need proof.

All right, if you come in, come underneath.

Yeah.

Oh, my goodness.

Watch your head.

Miriam, what we do on a date is private business.

How would you like it if I told you? Please, will you knock it off? I just

wanted to be with you. You've got an angry mob in this building.

Oh, Miriam, you ran that gauntlet for me.

All right, Hunter, you've got one minute.

Miriam, there's something I've got to tell you.

Something happened in Baltimore. It didn't mean anything at all to me. I was

lonely in a strange town. A man has needs, Miriam. Felix, this is not the

You come out or we're coming in!

No, you're not! Get him out of here!

There's the man who made you live like animals in the freezing cold without

doors!

Doesn't anybody here have a conscience?

You, Mrs. Osgood, when one of your cats was missing, who went out in the rain

and found it? Who almost caught pneumonia pulling it down from the tree?

And you, Mrs. Gossett, when your daughter got married?

Why, the groom's side of the family was so cheap they wouldn't kick in for

anything? Who took the wedding pictures for nothing?

Yeah, and they were nice, too.

And you, Mr. Ralston, when you got that ulcer from that crazy job at the zoo,

who cooked for you? Who taught you how to coddle an egg?

And this week, when you needed a leader who batted his brains out for you, Felix

Unger. And now you're going to help this man to throw him out. I don't believe

it. I just don't believe it. Where do you get off throwing our leader out of

building? Yeah, right.

Let's beat him up. That's right.

All right.

But if you stand with them, you stand in the cold.

This is an impact.

It's a cake.

of an irresistible force meeting an immovable object.

It would take the wisdom of Solomon to solve this.

Hold it!

I solved the case.

Look, he showed up just like the cavalry.

Yeah, but you look at that bugle.

I went to every conglomerate and every big holding company and I finally

down the owner of this building. And it's a big... TV star.

I bet it's David Jantz. Meet Rodney Allen Rippey.

I

am

Mr. Rippey's attorney. Which one of you is Lovelace? I am.

Yes, well, Mr.

Rippey has something to say to you.

You're fired.

You'll get your severance pay in the mail. Please be off the premises by noon

tomorrow.

What am I going to tell the plants? They always know when I'm lying.

Mr. Rippey would like you to know that had he been aware of the situation

sooner, he would have come into it sooner.

Now, you're all going to get your doors back.

There will be no rent increase, and you'll have free hamburgers for a month.

You get in the kitchen free cookies and milk. How does

a small child like this... Come to own a big building.

Text shelter.

I think we've finished our business here.

Maybe we should turn this place into a condominium.

Right triumphs over might after all. Come on. Let's have some milk and go.

no, no, no, no. Let's take a walk around the block. I want to hear what happened

at Baltimore with the hickey and everything.

I was sitting in the car. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This girl came up to join.

She had the gig.

I'm in.

Want to see it, lovely?

Yes. And as you know, I'm leaving, but I've lost my political base in this

world.

But before I go, I want you to know I'm sorry things got so far out of hand.

Well, we're not angry, are we? I don't hold any grudges. They were covered up

for energy.

Let bygones be bygones.

You're both happy?

Yeah. Yeah.

That's good.

Okay, gang. Tear!

Kill! Kill him!

Ah, it's just my little joke.