Original subtitles

Ah, shut up!

Never been so humiliated in all my life. I told you I didn't want to go to the

ballet. Nag, nag, nag.

Kill me!

I thought you'd like something fine, something nice.

Oh, I don't like nice and fine.

Didn't even pay attention.

I read the program.

When? When you were making one of these?

Didn't I clap when your buddy did his number? I thought he was the best one on

the bill.

Well, of course he's the best. He's only Edward Villala, the great star of the

New York City Ballet.

Didn't you really like any part of the ballet, Oscar?

Intermission was nice.

That's when he was trying to pick up the orange juice girl.

I don't like the ballet. Thank you for inviting me. Good night.

Somehow I get the feeling ballet just isn't Oscar's thing. No.

His thing is sitting in the front row, waving at all the girls and whistling,

dance, ballerina, dance.

I thought I'd die. Oh, I think you're overreacting, Felix. Forget it. How can

forget it? The law is nice enough to let you and me into his ballet appreciation

class, then something like this happens.

How am I going to face the man tomorrow when I do the picture story on him? I'm

so ashamed.

Oh, Felix, you know Edward will understand.

I'll just have to get down on my knees and beg his forgiveness.

Good night again, folks.

Where are you going at this hour? We've got a date.

With who?

Jane Lewis.

Who? Jane Lewis. You know you met her. Orange juice, cold drink.

The odd couple were filmed in front of a live audience.

Oh, Felix, my class is over. Edward's on his way. Did he say anything about last

night? No. Good, then I won't either. I'll just let bygones be bygones. Let

sleeping dogs lie. I just won't mention it. Okay, I'll call you later.

Bye, Edward.

Hi, Felix.

Before you say another word, I apologize.

What for?

For last night.

Ah, you knew that guy sitting next to you. It's my roommate. His name is Oscar

Madison. It's all right. The first time I went to a ballet, I did the same

thing.

The bigger they are, the better they forgive.

Thank you. I promise you, you'll never see him again. He'll never bother you.

Well, shall we get to work? What would you like to do first? Anything you say.

Don't let me tell you what to do. How about starting with a leap?

Will you leave whenever you're ready, or shall I tell you when to leave?

I'll do it when you're ready. Okay.

Ready? Ready?

Ready? Peter!

Sir? Sir?

Sir? What, sir? Can I help you, sir? What's on your mind, sir? Where's my

must have dropped out during the game.

You've got a key to the apartment?

You've got to keep me busy. Get out of here. Give me the key. I'll get out.

Take five, Ed. Who's that?

What is it, Gertrude?

I knew you humiliated me in front of last night.

Give me the key. He won't know I'm here. He won't know me for that.

Oscar Madison.

Edward Malala.

I saw you at your last... You've got great legs.

It's a great... Listen, Mr. Vilella, I didn't mean to upset you last night.

Look, Miss Eddie, I'm not upset.

Yeah? How'd you do today?

Rotten. I couldn't connect with a pest. My arm is killing me. If I don't

improve, they're going to trade me.

Would you mind if I showed you a trick or two that might help the arm? I wish

you would. Otherwise, I won't be able to hail a taxi to get home. We're ready,

Mr. Vilella.

I'm still on my five, Felix.

Now, listen.

is you've probably got a cramping up there, you know, maybe a muscle spasm or

something like that. So a port de bras might help you. You know, it's a slow

movement of the arm. You take it from the back and you stretch forward and you

just release it. Stretch right through here. Here, let me help you. Port de

bras, here. You just take it back like this and you use the back and you get

that lengthy stretch.

Yeah, well, listen, you guys are busy. Thank you. Thank you very much, Harry.

Thank you. Bye -bye. Keep practicing. Oh, I will.

Taxi! Hey, work!

Listen, he's a nice guy.

Oh, he's a wonderful guy.

The only thing is, the only thing he's interested in life is sports.

Culturally, he's a hopeless case.

Well, listen, ballet and sports are compatible.

When I was a kid, I wanted to be a football player.

No, no, don't say it. Yeah, that's true.

What got you interested in ballet?

I wanted to meet girls.

Would you do a fifth position, please? Yeah, sure.

I was.

You walk as if you're in pain.

That's why I was biting on the sweater. I couldn't find a bullet.

What's the matter? I'm sore.

I played football yesterday, remember?

Didn't Edward Vilela fix up your arm? It's the only thing that doesn't hurt is

my arm.

I threw five touchdown passes and I was able to hail a cow.

Take a good hot bath and rub on some linens before you get stiff.

If I was any stiffer, you could die above me.

Why won't you go to Villella's ballet appreciation class with me? I don't want

to go to any appreciation ballet class. It's for common people like you who are

friends of the ballet.

I'm neither common nor a friend of the ballet. You're half right.

Oh, bad for me, will you, buddy?

He can't do anything for himself and he won't even help himself.

Can't even take his normal nourishment.

Why won't you go to ballet class? Because there's a stigma attached?

I go.

That's the stigma.

You've got your sweater in your mouth again.

Come on to class.

I'm not going to wear a tutu.

Want to stop at a tower on the way and ring some bells?

Listen, we better get you over to the bar over here and see if we can... All

right, just grab the bar.

See if I can straighten you.

Straighten a little bit.

There we go.

Okay, you know what we're going to try to do? What? Some plies. Okay.

Yeah, just knee bends. We go down and then we come back up. Okay?

Put your feet to the side like this. We'll do plies. Ready?

And down.

I've got another stretch for you. What? It's a leg stretch with a port -a -bro.

Oh, I can do that. I can do that. I'll show you.

So you put the leg over the bar.

And then... Is that right, Eddie?

Oh, yeah.

Listen, you know, I do five touchdown passes because you taught me that port

-bro. Hey, there's no time for that. Listen, watch this, Eddie. I made up a

leap.

That's terrific, if you could only stay in the air a little longer.

Practice, will you? Practice.

Practice. Listen, fellas, I really would like to work with both of you, but I...

a recital, you know. A recital for what?

We're doing excerpts from Swan Lake.

Your ordinary class is doing Swan Lake? Well, it's not the ordinary class. It's

the children. Would you excuse me a minute?

Kids, children, you want to come in? Hi.

Okay,

let's get ready.

Mr. Glower?

Yeah. Can we stay and watch the rehearsals? He legs.

Oh, sure, sure. Come on.

Stick around. Maybe you'll get some pointers.

Oh, what? How to be a child?

Okay.

Now, this excerpt will be where the prince and the huntsman Enter and look

the Swan Queen. Okay? Ready?

Who's going to be the prince?

I am. You are!

You're the prince to dance the prince!

Okay, everybody ready?

Who's going to be the huntsman?

Well, I need a boy for the part, but I haven't found him.

Oh, I just love Swan Lake. I know every bit of it.

You're embarrassing me.

I've never seen nothing so embarrassing.

You're best friend. It shouldn't be a boy. It should be someone you respect.

come on. Give me a break.

Okay, Felix, you can be the hunter.

Listen,

it's Swan Lake, not Frog Lake.

Okay, now, we're going to take it from where the hunter comes center stage.

And he's looking for the swan queen, but hasn't found her. You, the huntsman,

enter from stage left.

You come in, and you bow to the prince.

Right. And you look this way, and we look that way.

And I say to you, have you seen her?

And you say, no.

Not too emotional.

All right, we'll take it from the top. Kids, swans, let's go.

With the music.

for now disappears.

Thank God.

were terrific, kids. Okay, everybody relax for a couple of minutes.

Now, you all know that this was the last rehearsal before the recital tomorrow.

Why don't you all work on your own until the performance?

Well, Mr.

Belola, I... Eddie, do you think they're ready to work on their own?

I have no choice. I've got a performance tonight and tomorrow night at Lincoln

Center. I'll just make it here in time for the recital.

Wow. Of course, I know I could never hope to fill your capizios, but...

I'd be glad to take the rehearsal for you.

Good, good. Thanks, Felix.

Kids, Mr. Unger is now going to take the rehearsal.

I've got to go work somewhere else.

Okay? Work hard, and I'll see you all tomorrow night.

Okay?

Quiet,

everybody. Quiet.

Quiet. That's quiet. I'm singing the man.

Now, places, everyone. We'll start from the top.

Now, for this rehearsal, I'll take Mr. Villela's role.

As Siegfried?

Um, good.

Oscar, you'll do me a big favor. I'll go home, I'll send Alfred in. No, no, no,

come on.

Don't fill in my slot as the huntsman.

You want me to try to fill in your capizios?

We just need a warm body for the kids. Come on, come on. What am I supposed to

do? You know what to do. You saw me. You bowed to the prince, that's all there

is to it. All right.

Secret enters.

Looking for the Swan Queen.

a huntsman you don't walk in like that. How do you know how a huntsman walks?

You ever follow a huntsman down the street?

There's a basic walking down. You walk on the toe. The leg is turned out from

the hip. I challenge you to power ground. We'll do it.

Let me do it. Yes!

and working towards is about to become a reality.

And we're ready to show Mr. Villella the hard work and dedication we put in

during his absence, aren't we?

Good.

We want Mr. Villella to be proud of us, don't we?

Right.

Let's not forget to tell him who whipped this bunch of ragged angels into a

tight dancing unit.

Who?

Unger, U -N -G -E -R.

Okay, Miriam, limber them up, limber them up. Ten minutes, ten minutes. Get

ready now. Come here.

Hey,

Felix, I didn't know Robin Hood was in Swan Lake.

No wisecracks tonight, please.

I'm on my best behavior, so I got a suit and a tie.

You look nice.

You do, too.

Come on. Hi, Felix, I'm here.

Where's Eddie? Well, he's still at Lincoln Center, hoofing.

Murray. Dan Daly, hoofs. Edward Villala, dances.

Where is he? Well, they switched the lineup of the dance numbers over there,

he told me to tell you he's going to be late. Oh, how late, Murray?

I don't know. He was supposed to dance lead off, but they put him in a cleanup

spot. What does that mean? He was supposed to go first. Now he's going to

fourth. That means he's going to be a half hour late at least.

Take him up right away and bring him over. I'll cover the bases, Oscar.

Oh, no, Felix. What are we going to do?

Well, Mr. Villalob made me responsible.

I know what to do.

Get the swans. Bring in the swans.

Felix, be smart and do nothing. Relax.

He'll be here.

Maybe he won't be here. I've got this company primed to go, Buster.

Those swans are dying to get on that stage. My curtain goes up on time, not

those clowns over at Lincoln Center.

Hello, Felix.

Are we going to get to dance tonight? Yes, you will, Mr. Ring. Yes, you will.

Now, I must tell you that Mr. Villella will be unable to appear tonight.

He never said that, Felix.

But those parents out there are expecting a show, and by God, they're

And his best friend, the Huntsman, will be played by my best friend, Oscar

Madison.

Take this and go change.

Aren't you glad I taught you the walk?

You know the part. It's a vitally important part.

I couldn't do it. I'd be too nervous. What have you got to be nervous about?

Huntsman is nothing.

I'm the one with all the pressure. I'm the star.

Keep going.

All right, girls.

Plie. And one.

Who started this performance?

Felix the Nut, that's who. Yeah, knowing Felix, we won't be able to get him off.

Don't worry, I'll get him off.

I was careful.

And champagne in honor of the great occasion. Thank you. Beer for Oscar, of

course. Thank you.

Champagne, Eddie?

You wouldn't mind if I had a beer also, would you? Oh, no, don't say it.

Sure, there's nothing like a beer after I dance.

Oh, you were thrilling tonight, Eddie. You really were.

I'd like to ask you, if you don't mind, tell me the truth.

How was I?

Well, I really don't like to comment on my colleagues' performances.

However, my most severe critic, Roddy, my son...

Might have an opinion for you.

Roddy, how was I?