All language subtitles for The Odd Couple s02e23

Operator, would you give me the Boston
area code?

Yeah.

What kind of lemon is this?

You get the area code yet?

Boston is unlisted?

That's on a different list.

All right,

people.

617? Okay. Give me 617.

2 -2 -6 -5 -2 -4 -3.

No,

no. 5 -2 -4 -3.

If he's not there, call the Boston
Gazette, will you? He's a sports writer.

name is Tony Riley.

No, not Tony O 'Reilly. Tony Riley.

If you moan someplace else, you get all
mixed up.

What's wrong? Are you sick?

I don't know. I just... What?

Oh, I just feel so disoriented.

There's a lot of that going around.

Tony!

Ask him out.

Yeah, I'm calling you for two reasons.
First, I want to know if you're coming

the awards dinner.

Good. Second, I want to congratulate you
because I know you're going to win

Sports Writer of the Year Award.

Why, I know, that's all.

I'll see you then.

What are you congratulating him for?
You're going to win Sports Writer of the

Year Award. Yeah, yeah.

Oh. What?

Oh, I wonder if I have a low -grade
fever. You've got a high -grade

Oh.

The only award I ever won was a letter
in college.

That's for slob.

You're trying to win another one. Mark
my words.

Thank you, Criswell Predicts.

There, answer the phone. You'll see
you've won.

Hello?

Yes, Oscar Madison here.

What?

Thank you.

That was the award committee.

They voted me sports writer of the year.

I don't want to hear him.

How did you know?

Just what I thought.

99.

I'm sure he washed that off in alcohol.

How did he know?

On November 13th, Felix Unger was asked
to remove himself from his

place of residence.

That request came from his wife.

Deep down, he knew she was right, but he
also knew that someday he would return

to her.

With nowhere else to go, he appeared at
the home of his friend, Oscar Madison.

Several years earlier, Madison's wife
had thrown him out, requesting that he

never return.

Can two divorced men share an apartment
without driving each other crazy?

Now, buddy.

Oh, a little better. Thanks.

It's like living with a crop duster.

You know, a bold weevil doesn't stand a
chance in this apartment.

Neither does a germ.

Good. I can't get over that way you knew
about the awards. I mean, you have to

be psychic. It's the only explanation.
Not psychic.

Sensible. Anybody would know that you
were long overdue for that award. Say,

say, Gesundheit. Why? Because I'm going
to sleep.

Oh.

Oh, I'm feeling funny again. I just...

Oh. Oh, hi, Chief.

Oh. Hey, thanks a lot.

Tell him it's not enough. You want a
bigger bonus. It's not enough. I want a

bigger bonus. Oh.

I'll talk to you later.

How did you know, Felix, that my boss
was going to offer me a bonus?

It makes sense. You've won an important
award. You deserve a bonus.

Yeah, but it's large, you know.

Hands to the door. You know Murray gets
jittery out in that dark hall.

I don't jitter. It's the only exercise
he gets.

Oh, I feel so... Oscar, congratulations.

How did you know?

I got it from an informer.

Wait a minute.

How did you know Murray was at that
door?

I heard his footsteps out in the hall.

You know he could be a detective?

If you could be a cop, he could be a
detective.

You're a witch, Felix.

Phyllis, you're just like my Aunt Goldie
from Teaneck. Is she a witch, too?

No, she was a manicurist.

But she had ESP.

Really? That's it? You hear that?

That's what you've got.

You know that, buddy? You've got ESP.

Yes. Yes. Which, rubbish.

It's simple, deductive reasoning. Excuse
me while I get the champagne glasses.

You know, Aunt Goldie would need hot
flashes every time she had a fever.

You hear that?

You've had a fever. You've had hot
flashes.

What did you Angoli predict?

Well, she predicted someday there'd be
men on the moon.

Break out the champagne. It's time for a
toast.

Okay, Pius. I hope I've chosen wisely.

It's very hard to get good champagne for
under three dollars.

Chateau Warsaw.

Ah, well.

72 is a good year.

It's domestic.

I know it's domestic. It didn't have
time to be imported.

Wait, how did you know that Murray had
brought champagne?

It's so simple.

A, Murray is a romantic and would bring
champagne.

And B, the bullhorn was a dead giveaway.

The bullhorn was a dead giveaway?

That's right. How would it look for a
policeman to be walking down the street

carrying a bottle of champagne in his
hand? Looked like he took a bribe from

Lawrence Welk.

Stop looking at me as though I'm in
league with... Come on, it's time for a

toast. To Oscar Madison, sports writer
of the year.

Okay, I guess you're not supernatural.

I mean, what good's a reward if you
can't share with your friends?

Cheers. Don't drink too fast, you'll get
hiccups. I haven't had hiccups in 20

minutes.

Felix,

you were right.

I've never seen you have hiccups before.

In 20 years.

I never. And you predicted it. Predicted
it. That's just like my Aunt Goldie

was.

Oh.

Oh. Oh.

Oh. What is it?

There's a strangeness in my body.

Oh,

there are forces.

They're all around me.

This new power, this psychic power.

The mind boggles at what I can do with
it.

Felix, the fever broke two days ago, and
for two days you've bungled every

bottle. So let's see. I predict Oscar
sitting down.

What kind of prediction is that? What
are you standing for? I predict Oscar

open his spirit.

And now my psychic power brings you what
you want for dinner. Oh, come on.

You've been wrong for two days.

All right. What do you want for dinner?

Turkey. Now, come on. Come on. No
kidding around. I'm not kidding. I want

turkey. What do you got?

Swiss steak. Okay.

I made a little mistake, but they're
both meat.

Now,

what else do you want? I'll bet you want
vegetables.

Well, I always have vegetables.

Now, what kind of vegetables do you
want?

Spinach.

Peas.

Peas are spinach?

Popeye's going to get very upset. Ah,
well, you see, they're both green.

all I saw.

Green, see?

Now, what? Wait, what, what?

Oscar drinking his beer.

What's he doing again? I was drinking
more. No, no, no, no. But you see, all I

saw was liquid. I didn't see the head on
it, but I saw liquid.

You know why you saw liquid?

Because your brain is leaking.

I don't care what you say.

I'm a psychic.

You are not a psychic. You're a psychic,
and I am.

Now, I'm going to tell you something,
please. I am going to make a...

I predict this meal is over

I've been sitting here in this yoga
position, and I've had a terrible

What? You're going to die.

For that, you woke me up?

Couldn't let me die in my sleep?

How am I going to die?

I don't know.

The vision is... It's foggy. All right.

I'll cancel the trip to London I wasn't
going to take. Oscar, believe me.

Believe me. Why should I believe you?
You were pretzel.

You were wrong about the spinach and the
peas and the Swiss steak and everything

like that.

I really had.

Tomorrow I'm going to put you in a
wheelbarrow and I'm going to take you to

doctor.

I predicted you'd say that.

Come right in, gentlemen.

Thank you.

Ah. Yeah.

What does he do? Play football on the
moon?

Take meditation.

Very good.

Professor Faraday will be with you in
just a moment. Thank you.

You don't have to be psychic to know
what I'm thinking when she's around.

That's right. Get all you want. I'm not
worried.

You shouldn't be. This guy's a very good
doctor. He's going to show you up for

the phony that you are.

Good afternoon. I am Professor Faraday.

Pleasure, hunger.

I'm so glad your editor suggested you
call me, Mr. Madison.

I'll read your column faithfully.

I'm Madison. He's hunger.

So what do you want from me? I'm not a
mind reader.

Excuse the jest, but if I took my work
too seriously, I would go

bananas.

In fact, the more research I do, the
more skeptical I become.

True cases of psychic ability are really
quite rare.

Exactly, exactly.

And I'm one of the rare ones.

Well, I tell you, why don't we start,
huh?

Yes. Here, I'll tell you what. We'll set
up the table. Mr.

Unger, would you please sit over here?
Mr. Madison, would you sit over here,

please?

Want me to put on a gown?

If you like.

I thought there was some proper garb for
testing.

Now, you will both notice that Miss
Arnett has a set of large cards, as

you can see.

There are different symbols. There will
be five symbols in all. A circle, a

square, a parallel line, a triangle, and
a footprint.

Yes, yes. Now, Mr. Madden, I want you to
select a card from the deck.

Mr. Unger, I want you to identify that
card. Yes. Begin.

Well, stop flirting and pick a card.

Censed he was flirting with me some
night? What, sensed? I mean, he's a

girl. I flirt with her. I always do
that. What kind of picture is that?

All right.

I picked a card.

What is it?

Come on, what is it? No, no, give me a
chance. I have to get a proper frame of

mind.

Oh, come on. I don't sit there going to
trance. It makes you look like a fraud.

How did you know he was making that
fraudy face?

Yeah, he does. He's a fraud. Oh, he got
rid of it now. No, he does.

Well, tell me what it is, will you?

I'm getting bored.

Parallel lines.

Well, stop smirking and pick another
card. I wasn't ready. Come on, come on,

come on. Should I, Professor?

If you lie.

Okay. All right, Mento the Magnificent.

What is it? Oh, come on. What are you
trying to do? If you're not going to

the game, don't play at all. That isn't
fair.

What's the matter? The professor told me
to pick a card. I picked a card.

Don't write a buffalo on me. You picked
the same card you had before.

If you know where the card was, why
don't you tell me? I don't know where

card was, but I know him. I know he
tried to pick the same card. You know

each other so well. I can't tell if
Felix is psychic or

just responding out of habit.

But listen, thanks for coming over
anyway.

This was a nice change of pace from the
usual cuckoos.

But Felix isn't sure what the danger is
because his vision is cloudy on that

subject. Then maybe I can do something.

Anyway, listen, I can give him something
to keep him busy so he'll stay out of

your way. What are you talking about
over there? What's going on?

You are sensitive.

Listen, Anger, how would you like to be
the first kid on your block to have one

of these?

I'm telling you, Murray, he's going to
drive me nanu -nunu bananas.

I know he's got an alpha wave hat.

It's supposed to help him meditate. It
has electrodes and antenna and all that.

He looks like a tidy Buck Rogers.

I think he's about to give milk.

Felix, will you take it off? It's going
to flatten your head.

What did you do? Swallow a hummingbird?

I had a vision. I saw what the danger
is. What is the danger?

The danger is a murder attempt.

Are you crazy? Who would attempt to
murder me? Tomorrow night.

At the awards banquet. An attempt will
be made on your life.

So? There's nothing I can do about that.

You mean the award is more important
than your life? Felix, I have to go and

pick up my award. Listen to me. This is
serious.

This is serious.

Listen to me.

Listen to me.

Listen to me.

You're not going to that award, are you?

Professor, you've got to convince him
he's imagining things.

He wants to stop me from going to the
banquet.

Sometimes he really gets to me. I get
scared.

Yeah, it can get scary, can't it?

See? That's why it's so easy to fool
yourself in this racket.

But see, this thing is very important to
me, and I don't want Felix to foul it

up.

Thank you. Thank you.

Mr. Faraday?

How do you do? Just been having a lovely
chat with Miss Arnett.

I told her the man she loves will be
hers by the end of the week.

Hey, that's right.

My wife leaves town on Friday.

likes to laugh more than a mystic.

Go ahead, test me. I know I'll be proven
correct.

Oh, then you won't mind if I place you
under hypnosis for a brief period?

It's a very interesting concept,
Professor, but of course it's out of the

question. Hey, that's a very good idea.
Put him in a trance until the banquet is

over. Well, are you afraid I'll make you
undress and imitate a chicken?

No, of course not, but it's a well
-known fact that persons of superior

intellect... I cannot be hypnotized. You
just can't put me under it. Well, let

him try, Mr. Superior Intellect. All
right, well, don't you sit down. Please

relax. I'm relaxed.

Continue to breathe in a normal manner.

I'm breathing. I'm normal.

Perfectly comfortable.

It's a waste of time. It's useless.

Well, what will it hurt you to humor me
a little bit anyway?

Now, I know this is a cliché, but...

Watch the watch.

A complete waste of time.

I'm willing to watch it as long as you
want me to, but it's just... I don't

know. Since his intellect is too strong
for hypnosis, he must be dead.

Now what am I going to do?

Hey, get him to undress and imitate a
chicken.

She does not respond to my hypnosis.

Now, there's a woman with a strong
interest.

Mr. Unger, Felix, can you hear me?

Yes. I want you to describe your vision
of the Sportswriter Award banquet.

What is the danger to your friend?

I... I see a banquet room.

And a platform.

People milling about, excitement,
cameras.

Does that sound accurate?

That could describe any banquet. What is
that?

The sugar bowls aren't covered.

There's a fly in the sugar bowl.

It's a shoe fly.

are popping, and the winner is Oscar
Madison.

He's my friend, and their hands,

hands, and they're clutching a man's

throat. Whose hand? Whose hand? Who's
the strangler?

get stranglers, get bogged in.

I'll wake him up in a moment, but first
I want you to know I think Mr.

Unger has had a genuine psychic
experience.

He really was under.

I told you it's a waste of time.

You're not going to that banquet? I told
you that. I'm not going to let you

tempt fate. Please get out of my way.
I'm going.

It's for your own safety, Oscar. When is
the last time you had your face set on

fire?

Felix, get out of my way. This is the
most important night of my life. I'm

warning you.

I've got a black belt in karate, Oscar.

Don't try anything, Oscar. Don't try
anything.

That was hard, wasn't it?

Professor. Professor.

I'm so glad you're here.

Well, when you called, you were so
distraught.

Oh, the vision is so clear right this
minute.

You should have seen the vision I just
left to come here.

But I actually believe you may possibly
be a genuine mystic.

So I want to see this thing through.

On the way over in a taxi, the vision of
hands clutching a throat was so clear,

it was as if it were actually happening.

It was. Don't forget, this is New York.

This is a terribly serious business. A
man's life meeting.

Oscar? Oscar?

if he doesn't cool it.

Good evening, I'm Al Alberts, and
welcome to the 25th Annual Sports

Award Dinner.

The winner this year is the columnist...
The

winner this year is the columnist who

many have thought was long overdue in
gaining the recognition of his peers.

I'm referring, of course, to Oscar
Madison of the New York Herald.

It's obvious the choice was a very
popular one. Now here he is, the winner

this year's award, Oscar Madison.

Hi, fellas.

I want you to know that it's great to be
here.

Oh,

look at this.

The mic went dead at all times. But I
really don't need a microphone to tell

guys how I feel about being here
tonight.

You know, this award...

is very important to me. I'm not a
sentimental guy. I don't get misty about

things, but I am about tonight.

I want to tell you what an honor it is
and how much I appreciate it.

I'm having

such hot flashes.

The danger is close.

I'll tell you, I'm not very much of a
speaker.

Well, maybe that's why I became a
writer.

Of course, there are a lot of reporters
who still feel that I'm not a writer.

you realize the value of science.

Come on, I'm trying to concentrate on
something. On what?

I want to make something happen. What?

I'm going to make it happen. What?