Original subtitles

And bon voyage.

There we go.

Couldn't you at least put it in a glass? You got foam in my bubbly.

Oh, I'll bet you two are so excited. I can hardly wait.

14 hours from now, we'll be in Hot Coloma, the island of romance in the

Caribbean. Here's my present. Open it. Oh, Felix, you don't have to buy me a

present. That's what friends are for.

Oh, silly.

Look at this.

Water purification tablets.

Air -sick pills.

Bismuth and Paragon.

Just my way of saying, have fun, kids.

I'm all choked up, Felix.

Well, I have to go in my kitchen and see what's cooking.

Me and my crazy sense of humor.

You're going to miss that crazy sense of humor.

Calypso, a man named Oscar took his sweetie Nancy on vacation to D .C.

You've got to forget that you're a doctor for the next week. Don't pack a

stethoscope. Everything I'm packing has a lace on it. I'm going to forget about

the hospital and about Mrs. Perkins' gallbladder. I'm just going to lie in

sun and dance to those calypso rhythms.

Yes,

it

is, Dr. Cunningham.

No, I can't. Absolutely not.

No, you'll have to get somebody else. No,

I'm going on vacation.

That's serious.

Okay, I'll do it.

Do what?

I can't go.

On November 13th, Felix Unger was asked to remove himself from his place of

residence.

That request came from his wife.

Deep down, he knew she was right, but he also knew that someday he would return

to her.

With nowhere else to go, he appeared at the home of his friend, Oscar Madison.

Several years earlier, Madison's wife had thrown him out, requesting that he

never return.

Can two divorced men share an apartment without driving each other crazy?

The Odd Couple was filmed in front of a live audience.

What are you doing?

You'll mess up your room.

She can't go. She gets a phone call, she can't go. Well, that's not her fault.

Have some cocoa.

She didn't ask for that phone call.

That's not the point, Phoenix. The point is I planned and I arranged for this

trip. I can't change my vacation.

All goes up in smoke because somebody got a bellyache. Sit down, Phoenix.

Where?

Oh, please. Not while I'm trying to eat.

You know, I'm going to go on this vacation anyway.

You won't have a good time by yourself.

What am I supposed to do?

Bum around for a week?

You know what I'm going to do?

There's a girl on the fire wing that would go if I'd ask her. The one with

overbite? Yeah.

You don't want the overbite. You don't want crazy Rhoda Zimmerman. You want to

go with Nancy.

I know, but she doesn't want to go. She can't go.

I mean, I don't have to go on a vacation with a girl. I can go with...

Well, that's what occurred to me. No.

Why? Why?

How would you like to go to Haka Loma with me?

Oh, gee. We'll have a lot of laughs. I can't. It's just impossible for me. I'm

too busy writing. Why? I'm offering you the chance of a lifetime. A real

vacation for you. Oh, here it is.

Look at this, Felix. Look at this brochure. What do you see?

Mayonnaise.

Under the mayonnaise is a lagoon.

Fishing, swimming, dog races, excitement, thrills, beauty, unspoiled

paradise. Gee.

It's nice, all right.

I love that Calypso music.

I've got bongos in my blood.

You know, you don't want me to go with you. Oh, but I do want you to go. I

really do. And you can push your projects back a week. No, no, I've got

appointment. I've wanted to go here for such a long time. My shoes will be ready

Thursday. This is really important.

I don't want to go alone. As a buddy, as a friend, I ask you to come with me.

Well, if you put it like that, how can I refuse?

Oh, great, Felix, you will have a marvelous time. And you don't have to

the room. You don't have to pay for the airplane. No, sir. No, sir. Felix Unger

pays his own way. And Oscar Madison never forgets a favor. Just to show you.

A pack full. Oh, good. Okay.

Oh.

I guess I forgot to unpack from the last trip.

What's this?

It's your Christmas present. I forgot to give it to you.

Merry Christmas.

What is it?

Assorted cheeses.

ghastly. It was awful.

Well, the cab ride wasn't so hot either.

You know why? It was the same guy driving the cab.

First he flew the plane over, then he took us over in the cab.

I was wondering why he was wearing the helmet and the gauntlet.

I thought it was the Red Baron.

Where is he?

He's getting our bags. I think he's also the bellhop.

calm as a cucumber.

We made it again!

Money!

Money! Baby!

Waiting for you.

Baby, you made it back safely again. Did the wing stay on? Oh, the wing.

The wing fell, but I fixed it up again with a little wire.

Do you fly many people over here?

Most of the people that come here, they come by boat. I don't know why.

some of the curio shops, huh? Oh, I don't want to do that. Hey, you want to

fishing? Yeah. Great.

Okay. As soon as I take a shower.

You're going to take a shower to go fishing?

I'm grimy from the trip.

Aren't you going to unpack?

Oh, yeah.

Oh, come on, Felix. I'm on vacation.

You're right. I'm going to relax. I'm going to have a good time. You know

something? I'm glad I'm here. I'm glad you're here, too. Oh.

Hey, why don't I go downstairs and rent us a couple of bikes? Then we can ride

around. See what the place is like? Good idea. I'll unpack for you.

Felix, I've got something I want to talk to you about. Yeah? What?

Well, I just got a call from Nancy.

Ah, Nancy.

Yeah. She's got somebody to take her place and she's coming down.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

When's she getting here? Tomorrow.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

What do you propose to do? Well, I guess I propose to be with her when she gets

down here, Felix.

Uh -huh. Uh -huh.

What do you propose to do with me?

Well, that's a tough one, Felix.

You asked me to come down here. You begged me.

And now you want to shove me aside.

Uh -huh, uh -huh.

What time does the plane leave?

It's 8 o 'clock.

The schedule says we're supposed to take off at 8. Ah, well, there may be a

little delay tonight, monsieur, due to circumstances beyond our control.

What circumstances?

Well, the...

your safety belt.

spend the night?

In the lobby.

Where? I slept in that wicker basket over there.

Dreamed I was a cobra.

Why did you do that? You knew Nancy wasn't coming until tonight. Why didn't

come up to the room?

All right.

So I'm glad you're here anyway. We got the whole day to ourselves before she

comes. We'll go to the museums. We'll go to the doctor. We'll have a lot of fun.

Oscar, you are the world's most naive man.

Who else would buy a package tour of Devil's Island.

Hockaloma, gateway to the Caribbean.

This is a disaster area.

Even crows don't stop here.

Come here, I want to show you something.

Look at this.

What is it? This is the Hockalomian Museum of Art, founded in 1968.

Three rocks and an arrowhead.

These are the dog tags of a lost kamikaze pilot.

here after the war and is now governor of the island.

Governor Moto.

All right, so it's not the Guggenheim.

We can still go to the dog track. I'll teach you how to bet.

The dog died.

The dog died?

There were two of them. One died.

The other one's in mourning.

Moped around all day. Hasn't touched his food.

Which probably saved his life.

a good time and pout, or you could try to have a good time. How? How? We could

go over and visit the... No, we can go and see... Gee, it sounds thrilling the

way you describe it.

Well, if you'd stop being the ugly American, you know, you wouldn't have to

alone. What about Monique? I hear she's Miss Hocolomian.

Since she was 14.

Forget about it. She's soft on Pepe. She likes daredevils. She must have

friends. There must be other girls on the island. Sure. If you want to climb

over a convent wall.

Enjoy yourself.

You take the high road, and I'll take the low road.

Actually, it doesn't matter which road. They're both dirty.

Goodbye, Elsie.

Where are you going?

I don't know.

But let it be on your head.

Let what be on my head? Well, I thought you were bad as a roommate. You're

terrible as a tourist.

The governor of this island, Governor Moto, brought me across in a Japanese

sandpan. You know, he was once a kamikaze pilot and he loves to crash his

into the dock.

Coming through.

Oh, hi. Hi, Felix. Nancy, how are you? Nice to see you. Oh, you enjoying

yourself? Yes, yes.

It's nicer this way, no one breathing down my neck.

Mr. Chair, I think you forgot somebody.

No, somebody forgot me.

Hi. Well, hi there, Felix.

Did you have a nice day?

Wonderful.

I guess there's not a sight in town I haven't seen.

It's amazing how much territory you can cover when you're alone.

Oh, have you had your dinner yet? No.

Oh, boy.

Never mind.

I'm not going to join you.

I'll eat by myself out on the porch. I don't mind.

For a minute.

No, thank you.

I see that you're both enjoying your wine.

I'll have a drink at the bar.

You know, it does you good to be by yourself sometimes.

Food for the soul.

Here it comes.

I went down to the wharves and watched the fishermen go out.

I thought maybe somebody would ask me to go fishing, but everybody was already

paired up.

I started to strike up a conversation with the man at the filling station, but

he didn't speak English.

Just Yankee, go home.

What were you doing at the filling station?

I had a flat on the bike.

I ran over my cameras.

How'd you do that?

A tarantula ran me off the road.

Felix, come on. Stick with us. No, no, no, no. I'll just have a quick bite, and

then I'll go and catch the village movie.

It's been years since I've seen Hopalong Cassidy.

You two enjoy yourselves. I see you're having a good time. Don't worry about

I'm having a ball, really.

Isn't it wonderful how he covers up his unhappiness?

The least we could have done is ask him to join us for dinner.

But he's doing it on purpose.

Besides, you feed him once, you'll never get rid of him.

banana dragon, please.

May

I

join you?

time, Brad.

Showtime!

Ladies and gentlemen, the club Akaloma presents music for your listening and

dancing pleasure.

Flood and sweat!

Picture of Gloria, my ex -wife.

Yeah. There goes my ex -friend.

Felix, would you like to take a walk with us along the beach? I saw that.

on your good time. Enjoy yourself.

Listen, little man, come on, will you? Let's go take a walk. Let's enjoy the

ocean, the moon. It's a romantic evening.

Well, Oscar, look at him.

I know, the last of the red -hot martyrs.

Now if I see an ocean, I'll want to drown myself.

I got an idea, honey. I got an idea. Sit down. I'm going to fix this whole

thing. Sit down.

Are you sure you want this?

He bids the ruddy cup.

None of my friends sing with the orchestra. Just one number. But Mr.

sings? Oh, he sings great. He loves Calypso music. He studied with Harry

Belafonte. But I'm sorry, Mr. Mendicino. You see, the trouble is, he's not

professional, eh? And what is the crowd going to say?

Crowd? You couldn't get a good checker game going here.

Well, I'm sorry, really, senor. Believe me, I am sorry, because this is not our

usual policy.

way, Oscar.

Don't sulk. I got a big surprise for you. What?

You sold my luggage?

I talked to Pepe and he's going to let you sing with the band.

Oscar, don't toy with me.

I wouldn't toy with you. I know how much you love Calypso music.

I know how you love to sing.

Well, I haven't rehearsed anything. I'm not prepared. That's all right. Go do it

now. He's going to announce you. Now get ready. This doesn't change anything,

Oscar. You've still done a terrible, terrible thing.

I'm Jesse Skolnick. Who are you?

Ringo Starr.

You know what my philosophy of life is? Tell me I forgot.

Find out what you like in life and drink it.

I'll buy that.

Tonight we have a special surprise for you.

We have a director from New York with our greatest expense.

A wonderful, fantastic singer who's very good too. Mr. Felix Unger.

He also studied under Harry Belafonte. Harry Belafonte?

I've heard of him. You know him? Very good.

See your feet?

I'm good.

Thank you very much, ladies and gentlemen. Good evening. Very glad to be

I suppose you're all interested in the origins of Calypso.

Calypso actually was a sea nymph immortalized by the great Homer in his

Odyssey. Say it again, Harry.

Sir, if you're a native, please stay. If not, please leave the country.

his best friend.

If the rules were reversed and Gloria was coming down here instead of Nancy,

would you have tried to dump me?

In a minute.

You know, we're lucky this happened in Hockaloma. Other places have jails.

Boys, it's all worked out.

Pepe's not mad at us, but he asked one favor. Oh, what's that one?

Oh, mine!

Yes, sir!

Ladies and gentlemen, the fabulous...