Original subtitles

Yeah. All right, thanks.

What?

Tony B's dead.

You're kidding. How?

He was on a cruise.

He died at sea. Choked on a chicken bone.

Wow, Tony B's dead. I can't believe it.

Funeral's tomorrow.

Wow, you know, even though that guy lied to us every chance he got.

Even though he never met a shady deal he couldn't resist, which always came back

to haunt us, even though I'd be hard -pressed to find a good word to say

him, I feel bad, you know?

Yeah.

I'm gonna miss him.

Have a cigar.

Enjoy yourself.

Thanks. This is more like a wedding than a funeral. Are you sure we're in the

right place?

Are you kidding me?

Every shady character in slimeball in San Francisco is here.

I got some names for you.

Uh, let's see. There's Frank Kowalski.

Jack Cohen, right over there. Johnny Keys over here.

Slow down. My shorthand's not that good.

And, uh, Dave Justice.

Dave Justice, the baseball player? No. It's not Dave Justice. It's just a ball

guy.

Let's check and see if we're paying attention.

Who's that?

Grin and Shaw, two ends.

Am I missing something between you two?

Excuse me. Will everyone please take your seats?

Thank you.

Please, everybody.

Thank you.

Well, we're here today to pay our last respects to Tony B.

As you may have heard, Tony choked on a chicken bone.

Now, according to his will, there are some last wishes that we, well, we just

can't honor because of local zoning laws against.

Topless dancing.

But one we can honor is to invite anyone who so wishes to come up and say a

few words in memory of Tony B.

Are you going to say something?

No.

Oh, my God. This is embarrassing.

Somebody's got to say something.

Well, I'm going to tell you something, sister. It ain't going to be me.

Sir,

do you have something you'd like to share?

No, I was just... Sir, up here so everyone can hear you, please.

Yeah, go on.

Honey.

Please.

Just because you're a woman doesn't mean I won't shoot you.

What can you say about Tony B?

He was a... No good son of a bitch, Nash.

Yeah, you can take that position.

He was a two -timer, a cheat, and a thief.

He deserved a choke on that chicken bone.

Hold on. I've never been heckled at a funeral before.

Give me a minute here. I mean, surely we're not all here out of hatred, spite,

and malice.

Well, I mean, none of us are so pure of heart that we could condemn this

man.

Of course, on the other hand, Tony was a liar, a cheat, and at

best, a fair -weather friend.

As a matter of fact, women used to say that making love to Tony B was like

opening a bottle of champagne.

It's over.

Yep, two minutes later, flatter than a flitter.

Yeah, but I really hope that Tony B.

rests in peace and that hopefully we'll get to see each other again real soon.

You there in the back.

Yeah.

One pick in your nose.

You want to come on up here and say a few words?

Rachel?

Well, except for the fact that she's black and a woman.

She looks just like Tony B.

Look, I sign for ten bodies a day. They come in a bag. I check the death

certificates. I put them on ice. I have assistance to do the vein and drain. I

don't pay attention to the names.

So you're saying this is a mistake?

Obviously. And you have no idea who this is?

No. No, I don't. All right, explain to me again how this all came together.

Okay. Tony B. came in a month ago. He prepaid for his funeral.

He picked that casket out from the ambassador line. It's not the best, but

a very, very good product. That was the one and only time that I saw him.

Excuse me.

Hello. What the hell is going on?

Uncle Horatio, I can't talk right now.

Uncle? Why don't you call me back in a little while?

I'm trying to play games right now, all right?

Hey, and what is up with you inviting a cop to give my eulogy?

I mean, what the hell are you thinking?

Well, I was the only one that volunteered, Tony.

Oh, Nash.

Hey, what's up?

Oh, man, I was just getting ready to call you, buddy.

I got a better idea.

Why don't you just saddle your little monkey ass up and come on down here?

We got a lot to talk about.

Yeah, you know, I'd like to. I really would, but no can do right now.

Really? Why not?

showing up at the funeral.

I was surprised, man.

Well, kind of touched, too.

Yeah, and given the feeding frenzy around your demise, I'm going to say

the best friend you've got.

Yeah, well, I appreciate that, but, you know, the world thinks I'm dead, and I

kind of went to a lot of trouble to make sure that that would happen. I kind of

want to keep it that way, you know?

Sorry, your little Huck Finn routine blew that one.

Now, you either tell me what's going on here, or your friend Marley's going to

tell me, and if he has to tell me, you're going to wish you were dead the

time I get my hands on you.

Am I being heard?

Yeah, yeah, I hear you. Listen, I appreciate it. But look, if you look at

other side of this equation here, if you check my will, Nash, you're going to

find that I'm going to left you my books.

Okay? Those are Jersey Kaczynski signed first edition.

They're all yours, pal. All of them. Hey, watch it.

All right.

I got to go, man. I'm losing you. See you.

Tony.

What do you think?

He wants us to come and find him.

And that doesn't bode well for you, mister.

Antoine. I'll pull a warrant, do a number on the place. Yeah, and check out

B's apartment, too. Find out what that dead body has to do with Tony B. Okay.

You know, when I was feeling bad, we had to miss Tony's funeral.

Don't worry, you can make the next one.

Well, if they have nothing to eat, I'm starving.

What happened to your morning cereal fix?

Inger isn't feeding you?

Well, Inger's not the problem.

Oola. She comes down every night, pounds down a bowl or two of that cereal, then

she puts the box back empty so Ingrid never knows we're out.

Nice barf. So you're mad at your mother -in -law because she ate your Count

Chocula?

I realized something else, man. My mother -in -law is never going to ever

the house.

Ever.

Uh, you know, I'm not a licensed therapist.

I'm in mother -in -law hell.

Joe, Inger's not going to divorce you if you put your foot down and tell her

that the old lady's got to go.

What planet are you living on?

See, that's why you never stayed married. You don't know the fine art of

The dead body pretending to be Tony B. was actually one Patricia Reed Leonard,

co -owner of Continental Golden Coin.

Guess who her partner was?

Brennan Shaw.

He used guns and currency, drugs, cigarettes, whatever's involved.

He was at the funeral.

But Tony beat Kenny Reed dead, and we find Shaw's partner in the coffin

What does that mean?

Well, honey.

Did I ever find out what specifically killed Ms. Leonard? No, I'm still

on that autopsy.

Well, I went through Marley's mortuary records. A guy named Earl Garwood, who

was supposedly buried there last week?

There's no record of Earl ever taking a ride through Marley's mortuary.

All right, Nash wants you two to take a ride out to Continental Golden Coin, see

what you can dig up on Tony B., and or Brennan Shaw, and or...

Whatever it is that might have killed Miss Leonard.

And then see if you can get some answers on this Roman thing.

Okay. In the meantime, Nash will take a shot. All right.

I think

they call that hearing footsteps.

Doesn't usually bother a real player.

You lost, Bridges. Just crazy.

You know what?

Guess who we found in Tony B's coffin?

Tony B?

No.

Patricia Reed Leonard, who I believe is your former business partner.

So if she was in the casket, maybe you can tell us where we'd find Tony B.

Tony B is dead.

As far as I know, nothing I do is going to change that.

Ooh, good shot.

So tell me, Bridges, how is Kelly? You know.

The ex -Mrs. Bridges.

I haven't seen her in a while.

Shaw's girlfriend?

I have a feeling she knows something.

I noticed when you mentioned Tony B's name. Did you see that?

What does Shaw have to do with your ex -wife Kelly anyway?

Okay.

Not gonna go there.

Miss Garwood?

Yes? Sorry to disturb you, SFPD.

We're conducting an investigation of Marley Brothers Mortuary.

We understand that your husband Earl recently passed away. According to the

records, he's buried in coma.

We were just wondering if there's anything unusual in your dealings with

Marley. Anything at all.

Well, young lady, the only thing unusual is you got your facts all mixed up.

My Earl isn't buried out in coma.

Earl's in the den.

B, where's my tall boy?

Earl Garwood?

Holy smokes.

Are you Earl Garwood? No, I ain't Earl. I'm Claude, Earl's brother.

This is my Earl.

Hello?

Anybody home?

Ula?

My God.

Oh, yes, sir.

What the hell are you doing? What's going on here?

Arthritis, arthritis.

I have a doctor.

Arthritis? Yeah.

This is not a doctor. This is some whole earth hippie.

This is not legal, Ula.

Ula, I'm a cop. This is illegal.

You can't do this.

Does Inger know about this? Oh, no. No, Inger. No, no.

You can't smoke weed in the house.

If Inger finds out about this, she's going to kill us both.

Oh, no.

No, tell Inger. Please, Joe. No, no, tell.

Please, Joe. All right, I won't tell Inger. But you can't smoke, okay? No

Okay, no smoke. No smoke. Smoke. Okay, smoke.

Thank you.

completely gone.

Patricia Reed Leonard died of a heart attack very sudden. Oh yeah? Was it

natural causes very sudden or somebody made it happen very sudden? Natural

causes. Check this out. Surveillance photos taken of Patricia and Shaw by the

feds. Get a little of the guy in the croissant.

Tony B?

Yeah. The word is Patricia's using the coin business to launder cash.

Very meticulous record keeper, only there's one big hole found in the

Oh, I get it. So Tony B may have files that make Brennan Shaw feel a little

insecure, huh? Maybe Tony goes to Shaw with the files looking for some

cash. Shaw instead decides to make a move on him, so Tony fakes his death to

out from under.

Still doesn't explain what Patricia was doing in his coffin.

What?

You okay, man?

Yeah, fine.

You seem a little...

Have you been smoking, man?

No way.

Oh, yeah, I smell it, too.

Really? Yeah.

I caught my mother -in -law.

That's a long story. I'll explain it later.

What do you smell? Is that bad?

Oh, a little.

Jack it up and air it out for a little bit.

Oh, yeah. Good idea.

What's the story on this Garwood character?

Earl Garwood is dead and cremated. Whoever's in his grave is not him.

Hey, Joe, I called the cemetery to see about exhuming the Garwood grave.

Somebody beat us to it. As a matter of fact, they're there right now. And from

the description of the guy, he sounds like Tony B.

All right, call security. Nobody gets in or out of that cemetery until we get

there. I'll tell Nash.

On it.

No! No way!

God, that mouse is no good. Son of a bitch!

Donnie.

Hey.

What's up, Nash?

Doc Frankenstein's looking for you.

Wondering how it's coming on that brain.

Yeah, it's pretty funny.

Hey, let me tell you something.

I own this plot.

I got a perfect, legitimate right to visit my final resting place anytime I

want, don't I?

Whatever you say.

That's what I thought.

Hey, what's that?

faster than you sorry nash listen i can explain everything all right now that'll

be the highlight of my day son of a bitch undertaker marley robbed me then

i spent some time with you and it all came back to her because you love me so

much tony what were you looking for at earl garwood's grave i was uh

stashing some stuff you know for rainy day

Where'd you get this?

It was tucked away in the corner of Earl's coffin.

Well, that's a Krugerrand.

Tony. What?

All right, Rachel.

You want to know what we think, Tony?

We got a choice.

Well, we think that Shaw was laundering dirty money from IRA gun running through

Patricia Reed Leonard's coin shop.

Only this time, the quantity was too big for her to handle by herself, so she

came to you to help her move it.

But before you could get the job done, she died suddenly of a heart attack.

Completely unrelated, but nevertheless providing you with a golden opportunity.

And we know how you love golden opportunities.

You faked your death.

You put Patricia in your grave. Shaw thinks that she ripped him off, so he's

looking for her for the rest of his life. And not you.

Gotta admit, it's a beautiful plan.

It was.

It didn't work, Tony.

You know, why do you gotta be so down?

I want Shaw.

Get on the train.

Okay, you want to tell me why you smell like the inside of a head shop?

Well, I checked on Ula. Guess what?

She's a pothead.

What?

My mother -in -law is a stoner.

She got one of those quack homeopathic guys to write her a prescription for

weed, and she filled in one of those cannabis clubs.

You're kidding. For what?

take on this?

Oh, Ingrid doesn't know.

And the hula's begging me not to tell her.

She is aware that the feds frown on the smoking of marijuana in a police

officer's house.

You know, I don't think she really understands me.

And even if she did, she's too stoned to care.

We looking for anything special here?

That area under the table, can you clean that up?

Yeah.

Enlarge that in there. All right.

All right.

Oh, my, my.

That's either damn ballsy or damn stupid.

I guess the goal wasn't enough.

Tony had to take Shaw's girlfriend, too. Yeah, the big guy's got an appetite for

life. That explains his premature death.

And what happened to Patricia's records. Even Tony B's not dumb enough to take

on Shaw without an ace in the hole.

He's got to have those records she stole.

I think you buried him with the Kruger hands.

I do.

Now Marley's got him.

So we're sitting with the wrong guy.

Right. But if we let him go, we won't be for long.

Why don't you and Cassidy sit on Tony?

But take Cassidy's car, and he won't be looking for that. Right.

Okay, look, there's other ways to deal with arthritis.

You know, my doctor says there's pills, there's exercise, and Inger will take

you, and he'll explain it to you, okay?

Okay?

You didn't understand a word I said, did you? Thank you, you're so good.

Thank you.

That's great. I'm good. You're a pothead and anger is oblivious.

This is a recipe for disaster if I've ever seen one.

No, no, no, no, no, no. No smoke.

Yes, smoke. No, no smoke. Yes. No smoke. I said no smoke. No.

No.

Joe?

What's happening?

What's up, buddy?

It's an interesting choice of wardrobe for somebody who's worried about being

followed. Yeah, nobody pulls off yellow quite like Tony B.

Hey, you see that little blonde around here anywhere?

There she is.

Are you doing what I believe?

Isn't it? Yeah, it's Charles' girlfriend.

Oh, you're so hot.

Yeah.

I saw you, Inspector McCabe.

Hey, we found Tony down in the mission, but he's not with Marley. He's hooked up

with Sherry.

Is she alone?

Yeah, alone enough for an inappropriate PDOA.

PDOA? Public Display of Affection.

Okay,

well, maybe Tony will be more cooperative with Sherry's freedom on the

Yeah, we'll pick him up.

Go.

gonna chase you today.

I'm going to ask you once politely, where's my gold?

What are you looking at me for?

I don't have it.

Kind of a big jump from

polite to dead, huh?

Okay, Tommy, your turn.

No, it's not. Hey, look, you don't have to ask me twice. I hid it. Where?

Tony.

Am I talking to you?

No. Then shut up.

Yeah.

Okay, look.

I hid the gold at the Oakland dump.

Okay? It's in the dump in a bread truck. I can take you there right now.

This better be for real.

What did I lie to you?

I mean, what is my motivation for lying? Tony. Yeah. Shut up. No problem.

It's caught you with a joint in your hand?

A proverbial smoking gun.

Did you tell him? I told her the truth.

No.

Wow.

What'd she say?

Well, she didn't believe me, of course. You know, I knew it was the wrong

strategy at the time. I just couldn't help myself.

So Ula bailed on you. Like a paratrooper.

Now what?

Well, this is just a denial phase. It'll sink in. In the meantime, I hope she

doesn't burn down my house.

Let me know when you're through.

I guess you went back, huh?

Grandpa, I can't be coming down here. I have work to do today.

Nobody asked you to come down here.

I mean, have you tried going to the courts?

Well, I think they've got a lawyer who's going to sue, but that isn't enough.

I mean, why that building? What is so damned important about it? Because I

know.

I... I don't know what's so important.

I can't remember.

Dominguez. Well, I met Tony Bees.

What do you got? A dead funeral director.

Harley? Yep.

Found him in Tony's closet.

I have a feeling he's going to want to get his suits cleaned.

What about Tony B?

M .I .A.

Without Tony B, we don't get Shaw.

Nash wants that double play.

Yeah, yeah, I know. I get it.

Oh, my God!

Get in.

Brennan, no.

You chose him, so you stick with him.

Now get in!

Wait, hold it, hold it! Listen, I got Patricia Reed Leonard's records.

They're at a friend's.

If anything happens to me, that envelope goes to Nash Bridges, and you're toast!

Oh, you mean this envelope?

There's only one way you're coming out of that hole alive, Tony.

You tell me where my gold is.

I don't have it.

I mean, I'm telling you the truth.

I'm going to give you a little time to revise your thinking.

And you better think hard, because when I come back, if you don't tell me what I

want to know, I'm going to take away your air pipe.

I'm telling you the truth, man.

It's my fault.

What difference does it make?

it in that grave, Tony. I dug it up. It's in a crypt near the grave.

What? I'm so sorry, Tony.

You mean you screwed me?

What are you, crazy?

No, Tony, Tony. Shaw knew that you were alive.

He knew you were alive. I wanted to feel like Marley had the gold. I was trying

to avoid this.

I did it for us, please.

I love you. I love you.

You gotta believe me.

The things people do for love.

Here, let's go.

Oh, God, it doesn't make any difference.

Charlie's phone. We can call somebody.

Where is it?

Where? In my garter. What?

Where is it?

Here? A little up lower.

Where?

And champagne, too.

Hey, listen to me.

I'm in a grave in coma.

Smith. Smith.

Yeah, Smith.

That's right.

The headstone. It says Smith.

Okay?

Headstone, Smith.

Buried alive.

Coma. Help.

All right, Tony. Hang in there. Don't panic.

Nash, I got to tell you something.

I might as well come clean with this, all right?

Okay. The reason I ran out on you.

I wanted to get the gold back, but it turns out Sherry had the gold the whole

time. Tony?

Uh -huh?

Tony, what about the gold? Where'd she put it?

Hello?

Uh -oh.

I really don't understand you, Joe. I feel like I should get you one of those

drug pamphlets.

Oh, talk to me, Joe.

I want to help you.

I am. I'm fine.

I'm just fine.

Fine? That's it? I mean, that's all you have to say?

Well, that was a good stew.

Oh,

that's disgusting.

Yeah.

How about a piece of that, um... What?

What, Joe?

What'd you say?

Oh, I said... I know I was saying

something, but I can't remember what.

You know what? I can

understand you.

Some books on architecture and some of San Francisco's most famous buildings.

What for?

Well, you know, I was kind of hoping I would jog your memory, you know? Help

to figure out what was so important about that building.

Take a look at those hats.

Listen, I'm going to go back to the library and I'm going to look at some

newspaper files.

But you keep looking and see if you can come up with anything, okay?

Good idea.

Okay.

Cassidy.

Yeah?

I wonder you couldn't hear the phone ringing.

I don't know where she got it, man, but that's some kick -ass weed.

Inash,

why don't you try out some of the stew on the table Mama made?

Oh, yeah, I'll go for the stew, Nat.

Nah, it's okay.

I'm driving.

Oh, yeah, okay.

Joe, come on, we gotta go.

Tony B?

Oh, yeah.

Gotta go now.

Go, go, go.

Bye. See you later.

Yeah, yeah.

Later.

Nash. There are 506 Smiths buried in coma.

I got a registry of all the plots. What do you want to start with first?

Start at Marley Cemetery and work your way out.

All right. It's going to take a while.

Hold on.

Nash.

Nash? Nash.

Oh, thank God.

Tony, you better not be yanking my chain.

And I'm going to need something besides Smith to find you.

Um, Smith.

Smith, uh, died in 67.

Oh, good. Smith died in 67.

67. Summer love.

Love.

Tony, think.

I need an initial. A first initial. Anything.

Uh -oh.

Uh, we got water.

Yep. It's raining now.

I'm probably going to be drowning pretty soon.

Um, could you, uh, help me?

Antoine.

Yeah, listen, uh, it's Smith that died in 67.

And, uh, is it raining over there?

No. All right, well, check and see where they're watering, because that's where

you'll find them.

Got it.

67.

I love you, bud.

Oh, yes.

Precious sky.

Open space.

Oh, I love thee.

Gold first.

Poetry later.

You know what that is? That's

Patricia Reed, Leonard's father.

What the hell were you thinking, Tony?

You don't mess with a guy like Shaw.

It's not smart to two -time a guy like that either.

I thought I could get away with it.

Listen, you saw my funeral, right?

I mean, I haven't left much of a legacy, and I think I found something real for

the first time in my life with Sherry.

I thought, you know, I could just pull off this one final scheme. I could get

out.

Couldn't pull it off.

Damn, Tony, I'm almost touched.

I'm going to need you to testify against Shaw. No problem.

Both of you.

Fine. Okay.

You know, you're not off the hook yet.

Oh, I know. Oh, I know.

Uh, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

Now, look, correct me if I'm wrong, but our first go -around with Shaw way back

when was right around the time you started hanging out with Kelly. Am I

Look, just hear me out, okay?

I'm figuring she must have had something to do with him back then, or maybe she

was his girlfriend.

If I put two and two together, I'm thinking that maybe you stole Shaw's

from him, and that's why Shaw hates your guts so much.

You're close.

Close enough to know I can't let you go after him, huh?

Tell me if I'm wrong, will you?

Kelly was with Shaw when I met her.

She was a lot of trouble.

He'd gotten her into a lot of drugs.

She was a mess.

He wasn't about to let her go.

In fact, I think if I hadn't come along, I probably wouldn't have made it.

So you set him straight, huh?

That I did.

But I've never forgiven a son of a bitch.

Kelly asked me to

Made me promise that I would never tell anybody about that part of my path.

San Francisco Police Department.

Probably show these guys out to their new ride.

Get your hands around your back right now. Okay, buddy, you're right there.

You have a gun on the inside of your jacket? Take it out and put it on the

table.

So let's get a good set of prints on that.

So what do you got?

Ballistics.

And I'm going to bet match that gun.

The one that killed Walter Marley.

Oh, plus an eyewitness account from Tony B and Sherry.

Yeah, that's right.

Tony's back from the grave for the second time.

You know why Kelly could never stay with you, Bridges?

Because I ruined her.

She never got over me. You know how I know that?

Because she used to call me even after she was married to you.

You didn't know that, did you?

Yeah, she used to climb out of your bed and call me.

That woman, she could beg like no woman I've ever known.

Lucky cat.

Yes, I remember the day this picture was taken.

They were laying a cornerstone with a time capsule in it.

And because my mother was librarian, she got to pick the objects to go in it.

Talking to the future, she called it.

It was a great day.

She took me all over the city choosing things.

She had a pair of shoes, a light bulb, just everyday things, you know, things

that showed how people lived.

I remember Mother said that people in the future would probably think we were

primitive, but at least they'd know we were happy. I was happy.

It was a cold day.

I was holding my mother's hand, and I was proud of the things that were going

into that capsule.

That's why the building is so important, son.

Those things have to be saved.

They will be.

I'm speaking to you across time from the year 1937.

My son and I have selected the objects in this time capsule to show you how we

live. And now, because my time is short, I want to introduce you to someone very

special. Go on. Talk in here.

Hello. My name is Nicholas James Bridges. I am 10 years old. I am from my

Is that all? That's all.

Is that good, Molly? You did just fine, son.

Friday on Monk. Are two Monks better than one? We don't know.

John Turturro guest stars.

I'm allergic.

chocolate emmy winner tony shalhoub is mark i'm allergic to food that's been

sitting in a bowl all night and other people have been touching an all -new

friday at 10 only on usa the 4400 and on the way