Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

I tried to remember you to Herald Square, but a cop told me to move along.

Hey, come on in and tell me all about it. Oh, Mary, New York was just

Yeah. Oh, yeah. It's absolutely endless.

The Philharmonic was in town. They were doing La Traviata at the Met. Oh.

And imagine seeing Edward Villella dance with the New York City Ballet. Oh, wow.

You did all that?

Of course not.

But you know it's there.

Hey, Mary, don't you see here? Here in Minneapolis, when nobody asks me out,

it's nothing big.

But there, when nobody asks me out, I'm not being asked out to a Broadway

opening. Uh -huh, and not going to Sardi's afterwards.

Right, I knew you'd understand.

Uh -huh.

Would you like some coffee? Yeah, I would, kid.

How are your folks?

Oh, they're good. Pretty much the same old thing. Mostly we sat around the

kitchen table, talking over old times.

Why Rhoda never married.

That was my topic. But generally, everything was good.

Just terrific.

Terrific. Oh, Mary, you know that store, Bloomingdale's?

Yeah, sure.

Well, I was in there, and guess what? What? They offered me a job as a window

dresser. Oh, hey, Rhoda, being able to turn something like that down must be so

great for your ego. I mean, isn't Bloomingdale's, you know, sort of it for

window dressers? Oh, yeah, Mary, it really is. Big time. Oh.

See, I didn't turn it down.

What? I know, Mary. The idea of you being here and me being there absolutely

kills me. I'm going to miss you like crazy, kid. But New York City really

me on. I miss it. And, I don't know, it's such a great job offer. Well, yeah,

Rhoda, sure, I can understand all that. But, Mary, I said yes on an impulse, but

it seems right.

Uh -huh. You said yes on an impulse.

Yeah, but still. Yeah, well, that's entirely different.

Rhoda, I know you and your spur -of -the -moment decisions.

Oh, no. Look.

We'll talk about it quietly, calmly, and eventually you will decide what's right

and you'll stay right here.

Start next Monday.

Next Monday? Yeah.

So, uh, Mary, do you have any cartons?

Cartons? Yeah. Oh, what are you laughing at? Rhoda, come on, I know you. You're

not going.

Yes, I am. Not a chance.

Come on, this is Rhoda Morgenstern. The same Rhoda Morgenstern who once... she

was going to lose weight by walking across the United States.

That's different.

This time I'm really going.

I'm not walking, I'm flying.

Okay, all right, all right. Now that we both know that you're not going, what

was the question? Do I have any cartons?

Uh -huh, yes. I will need a great deal of them for packing and such. Right.

Yes, Rhoda, I have a carton.

And every time I go to the market, I will bring home more cartons, and soon

will have dozens and dozens of cartons stacked up in your apartment already.

waiting for when you don't move to New York. Well, this will hold a wiglet.

I'm going to go upstairs and unpack so I can start packing.

See you later, kid.

She's not going.

Hey, kid, I gave notice this morning to fill it from the apartment.

Oh, that's terrific, Rhoda. You just keep right on doing things like that.

giving notice, packing cartons. It's just going to make it more embarrassing

you when you don't go to New York and you have to undo it all.

Hey, look, Mary.

A whole line of empty booklets with absolutely blank pages.

Can you use this? What is it? My date book.

Hey, Mary. Oh, I almost forgot. Can you do a favor for me?

Yeah, what?

Could I leave my goldfish with you?

I didn't know you had a goldfish. Yeah.

I named her Goldfish. Think of death.

a couple of days now. I went out to get little Beth a present, and I went by

this pet store, and there was this adorable goldfish with the cutest little

gills, looking up at me with those big, limpid eyes that seemed to say, Fuck me

home! Fuck me home!

What could I do, Mia? Well, I thought you were going to give it to Beth.

Yeah, I thought so, too, but Phyllis started carrying on about how she only

rare tropical fish in her tank and would not allow a mongrel fish in there.

Phyllis and her fish. But you know, Mary, it's just as well. I guess I

wanted a pet. I just didn't want to get a poodle or anything.

You know how dumb people are with poodles. They talk to them like they're

people.

Don't they do, Dad and Mommy?

Goldfish, Auntie Mary.

No.

She's just shy.

So, Mary, will you do it? Will you take care of my darling goldfish?

Do I have to flush it down the toilet?

I will take care of it.

You'd be amazed what good company she is. She's fairly quiet, not a fussy

and generally amuses herself.

I have no idea.

I was just kind of looking around for a new bachelor pad, and Mrs. Lindstrom

sent me up to look at this one.

You chicks, uh, roommates?

Uh, no, no, this is her pad thing.

Where do you live?

Oh, I live elsewhere.

Far out.

Hey, this pad is really something.

I think I could really get it together here, if you know what I mean.

Now, Mrs. Lindstrom, she's not going to give me a hard time about entertaining

chicks up here, is she? Oh, well... Last place I lived, I was going out with

three different chicks all at the same time.

Airline stewardess was on different shifts, if you can dig that.

Sure.

Mary, this is fascinating, but I have a great deal of packing to do, so if you

don't mind... Go right ahead and pack.

Yeah, this place is really okay.

Now, it's only five minutes from the store.

I'm in shoes.

Discount shoes.

Of course, for new neighbors, I can always discount the discount.

Oh, well, that's been very nice of you, but I don't think... Name of the game.

I can put you into a pair of Italian boots, new slim heel, for, say, $11 .99.

Huh. What are you, about a 7A?

B. Right.

Anyway, after I move in, we can talk about it over a little martini.

Gee, Barry, I really...

Why not?

Well, because I'm... You're what?

Getting married tomorrow.

Tomorrow. And I'm really so busy. Lots to do. We still have a lot of tin cans

tie to her bumper.

Well, let me know if the old wedding falls through.

Will do.

Ciao.

Oh, Rhoda. You see what you'd leave me to, Mr... Hi there, Barry Barlow.

dent in it. I'll be right back. I have to get some cartons from the hall.

I've got to start shipping everything to New York tomorrow.

Rhoda, hey, would you please stop saying that you're going to New York? This is

a favor to me.

Because you're not going.

You're staying right here.

Isn't she goldfish?

Nod twice for yes.

Both sides came to an agreement after 36 hours of steady across -the -table

bargaining. Afterwards, the negotiators said that the new contract would be like

a breath of fresh air.

It's like a breath of fresh air.

I can't take much more of this, Mary.

Well, you better bear up. There's six more minutes to go. And so it appears

strike will be averted.

That's all the news. This is Ted Baxter saying good news.

Good night.

Good night?

There's six more minutes.

The plots are all lost up, right? No.

We had to get off for an editorial, right? He just...

It's too late. Will they just run a public service thing?

I don't understand what everybody's so upset about. Ted, you stopped six

early. You see, Ted, usually when we give somebody 30 minutes of air time, we

assume that they'll use the entire 30 minutes.

It's just this tradition we have.

That's what all that commotion was about when I left the studio. I was

wondering. People waving their arms at me, people calling my name.

I just thought they liked the show.

I'm sorry, though, it's stupid of me to make a mistake like that.

Me, of all people.

Of all people?

You of no people.

Hey, Mayor, does Lou seem upset to you?

Ted, you can't just stop six minutes early.

Don't worry about it.

Tomorrow I'll go six minutes longer.

The kid's taking me to a farewell dinner tonight.

Oh, yeah, that's right. Tomorrow's the big day, the big move, huh? He's not

going. Mary.

Yeah, Murr, tomorrow.

Roll, Rhoda. In honor of the occasion, here's a little something I got you. Oh,

Murray, this is so sweet. I hope you like it. Mary told me you had to give up

your pet something.

Oh, how darling, a little enamel goldfish.

Oh, it's adorable.

It looks just like goldfish.

It isn't a death mask. or anything, is it?

I just love it, Murray. Really thoughtful. Thank you. You're welcome.

It's from both of us. What?

Uh, thanks.

Okay, sport, that little remark's gonna cost you four bucks.

What? Four bucks for that cheap little thing?

Look, look what I got from Murray.

And, uh, sort of, Ted.

For my going away.

Oh, right.

Yeah, Lou.

Yeah. So,

You're leaving Minneapolis.

Yeah, right. Tomorrow.

Where is it you're going?

Oh, I'm going to New York.

I guess your parents will be sorry to see you go.

No, Lou. My parents live in New York.

I guess your parents will be happy to see you come.

I'll go in on that ceramic thing she's got on. Oh, no, Lou. You don't have to

that. No, I won't do, Murray. That bird thing or whatever it is.

When does that come to?

Well, let's see.

Eight dollars split three ways is... Now, wait a minute. If it's split two

it's four. If it's split four ways, it's two.

So if it's split three ways... Look, split it four ways, it's simple. I'll go

on it.

You can't go in on it. You're the one that's going away.

Yeah, that's right.

Hey, you really are, aren't you?

You're going away.

to chip in, neither am I.

Hey, how about some more wine? Yeah, sure.

Good.

I don't know if I should have any more of this stuff.

Why not?

I'm afraid of getting sloppy and sentimental, you know.

What am I leaving in all, Mary? Really, I'm sort of emotional.

Now, I don't want to start.

emotional about it, too. Please, Mary, please, let's not get into it. Now,

one, we've been, you know, friends, okay?

So point two, friends are supposed to miss each other.

Therefore, point three, I will miss you.

Okay? Right?

Okay. Right.

Good.

Hey, modest little wine, but I think you will be amused by its presumption.

on your dress.

An elegant little woman.

Mary, you're the best friend I ever had.

I don't know what I would have done without you. I'm going to miss you so

I mean, you just don't know. I'm really going to miss you. Mary.

I just knocked my salad on the floor.

No, I heard.

Mary, will you remember what I said before I knocked my salad over? Yeah,

will you remember what I said? Oh, yeah.

Next weekend too soon? Yeah.

Oh, Mary.

You know, something's just occurring to me.

Tomorrow morning, I will be leaving Minneapolis, which, strange as it

my home, where my friends are.

To go to New York, where my friends aren't. Well, the only two people I know

anymore are my parents, which is another story entirely.

Right? Uh, yeah, I guess so, right.

Also, Mary... I am leaving an apartment that I just love.

It's taken me four years to fix up and get perfect, even though there's still a

lot wrong.

To go live in a smaller, more expensive apartment, which even if I find, I will

have to decorate from scratch, right?

Say right.

Right.

Mary, what you've been saying all along, I think it's true.

What have I been saying all along?

I'm not leaving.

Bruna, you gave up your apartment, your job.

in my apartment.

Why?

I think we should all...

like this all the time?

Well... I mean, I love living here.

Oh, why don't you come in and have a drink and we'll talk about just that.

not? Georgette, will you get Barry a martini?

I'd be happy to.

Hi there, Barry Barlow.

I love your beads.

Gee, Rhoda, I'm glad you decided to stay.

Oh, Murray, you are so sweet. Hey,

I think it's too perfect that you guys came.

Glad you're staying around, Rhoda.

Thanks, guys.

Well, Rhoda, so you're off to New York.

Right, Ted.

Well, may I wish you bon voyage?

You know, good voyage.

Ted,

Rhoda is not going to New York. She's staying in Minneapolis.

That's what she just told us.

Is that what she said?

And everybody knew?

stands alone.

So, Mary, how's married life treating you?

Oh, fine.

Just fine.

I thought you'd be on your honeymoon.

Oh, well, we're leaving right after the party.

Where's the old...

Oh, she's a knockout, but I like her.

Where do you meet her? We're old friends.

If you hadn't have married her, I just might have.

Oh, see, Mr.

Hall, why don't we freshen your drink?

How does he know we're eating?

He's in shoes.

Shoes?

Hey, group, listen, these presents.

Since I'm not going away, I hope they're all things you can use, because I'm

giving every one of them back.

prevent anyone from dying of curiosity, let's open them just to see what my haul

would have been. I'll read the card so everyone can hear.

This is terrific. He's going to read.

I just love his voice.

Quiet, everybody. He's going to read.

This is Ted Baxter bringing you...

Love, Georgette.

But I love the way you say it anyway.

Oh, look, everybody.

Oh, Georgette, it's just gorgeous, really. Thank you.

It's just what I would have wanted.

You keep it as a memento, Rhoda. Okay.

Here, read another one, Mr. Baxter.

Oh, this is a good one.

For those of you who can't see, I'll describe it to you.

I think that's a mommy and daddy dog.

Ted. From Rob.

Yeah, that's from me. I hope you like it.

Terrific. A date book.

Too bad it's not filled.

Oh, Ted.

No, Ted, that card's from me, and I really wish... Everybody else is having

their card read, Mary.

Well, it's... Dear Rhoda, what do you get for your best friend at a time like

this?

I went out and bought three different things and took them all back.

It just doesn't make any sense to buy some dumb gift that can never convey

you really feel love, Mary.

Boy,

talk about your cheapos.

myself. Do you know where I could get one just like that?

Well, actually, I think it would be pretty hard to find one that wasn't just

like that.

If you like it, George F., I'll give you the pick of the litter.

You mean it?

Promise. Oh, thank you.

Bye. Bye -bye.

I'll be leaving in a minute.

It doesn't make any difference. Because I met a little girl right here in this

room tonight.

I don't know if you noticed the sparks flying, but that's why I'm not coming in

early tomorrow.

Right. And if anybody wants to know why I'm not coming in early, you explain to

them exactly what happened.

Ted, Georgia just got in her car and drove...