Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after...

I feel terrible about always borrowing your good things whenever I am having

company. Oh, don't be silly, kid. This is the only chance my tablecloth gets to

have a nice time.

You know, I always wondered, you have so many beautiful serving things and you

hardly ever have any company.

Oh, for years now, my mother has been giving me shower gifts on my birthdays.

Yeah, I'm the only kid in the world, I'm sure, that got a waffle out on her 16th

birthday. My fancy tablecloth, your good silver. Which is also my everyday

silver. My everyday silver is plastic.

What?

Who's coming to dinner? Jack and Linda Foster.

Jack and Linda?

All this fuss for a couple? Ah, well, they're very special people.

No, special people seldom come in couples.

Listen, all I know is that Jack and Linda have something really great going.

mean, of all the married couples I know, theirs is the kind of marriage I would

like to have for myself.

I would like Pat and Dick Nixons.

You know he can't fool around, but I'm fine.

Hey, listen, there's plenty of food. Why don't you stay and have dinner with us?

I mean, it's about time my friends met each other. I would really love to, Mia,

but I've got to go out and break up with a guy tonight.

Oh, I didn't know you were going with anyone.

Oh, yeah. This would have been our second date.

Well, if you've only dated him once, why don't you break up with him on the

phone? I've got to give him his ring back.

He bought you a ring after one date?

No, he had it with him.

Oh, it was adjustable.

here. Mary has told us so much about you.

Mary, you were right, kid.

They are nice.

Listen, I gotta go.

Hey, maybe I can get a couple like them for myself.

We could quadruple. Oh, yeah.

Onions.

Oh, they're fantastic.

Doesn't it drive you crazy? People who can eat anything they want and never get

fat like Jack.

And you.

Big ones.

Diet begins tomorrow. You're incredible.

Yeah? How much do you weigh? Almost as much as you do.

Linda, why can't you make coffee like this?

Mrs. Olsen, why can't I ever make good coffee?

Hey, why don't we finish our coffee in the coffee area?

Ah, Jack, remember that crazy Greek brandy you said you liked so much but

could never find?

Oh, yeah, the kind with the tree inside the bottle.

She's not your type anyway.

Lady? Ah, yes. Happy little tree.

So, tell me all about Aspen. Hey, met a great guy for you. No kidding. What's he

do? Kisses wives.

What? The rest of the time he's a ski instructor, but mostly he kisses wives.

Jack, you're not going to tell Mary about that, are you? Come on, you tell

your ski instructor stories. I'll tell you mine.

Well, I was three chairs behind him on the lift, and I saw him kiss her.

Well, he took me by surprise.

What did you expect me to do, jump off? I mean, he just grabbed me and kissed

me. What was I supposed to do?

What do you think those sharp points on the end of your ski poles are for?

You think this kissing ski instructor would be a perfect guy for me, huh?

Well, I don't know, Mary. I don't know what kind of guys you like. You never

said how you liked Arthur.

Arthur who?

Arthur, the guy we fixed you up with.

Last week? Oh, right, Arthur.

Thumbs a lot.

That's the one.

How'd you like him?

Oh, he was very nice.

That's funny. I kind of like him.

Well, listen, I've still got lots of single friends, and we're going to keep

trying until we find the right one. Good. You hang in there, because I'm

for you.

Am I too late for dessert? No. Come on in.

No, no. Sit down. How'd it go?

With Leonard, you mean?

See, I had a date tonight with this guy I was going to break up with. So did

you? Nah, I couldn't. Why not? He didn't show.

Where's Pat?

We're on the air in ten minutes. Well, he went to get a haircut over two hours

ago. I don't know what's taking him so long. Well, maybe he's trying to find a

barber who gives lollipops.

The ratings came in. Oh, how are they this month? The question should be,

are they this month?

Listen.

If Ted doesn't show up, I think we'll try a little experiment.

Go in the air without him and see if dead air does better than he does.

I think so, too.

Look at this.

Notice how it all falls naturally back into place? Oh, yeah.

Everything but your eyes.

Ted, I cannot believe that you would spend money to have your hairstyle.

When you're a big celeb, you can work these things out, you know.

I told him I'd plug his barbershop on the news.

Oh, well, Ted, I'm sorry, but I can't let you do that. Oh, sure you can.

Of course, I didn't tell him he'd have to be robbed, burned down, or picketed

before I could do it.

Well, what do you think of your new anchorman?

Thank goodness you're here.

You can't believe the jerk we've had up to now.

Costal in the garage will give you a lift home after the show. Oh, well,

anyway, Murray, but I have a dinner date.

Huh? Real boyfriend?

No, no, an old couple.

Foster's are picking me up.

Ted, I'll be there in plenty of time.

Have I ever missed a show?

No.

Excuse me, is this where I'll find Mary Richards? Yeah.

Mary?

Give me just a second. All right.

Ted. Good friends sometimes hug each other. Of course, you'd have no way of

knowing that.

You must be Jack Foster or Murray Slaughter. Hi, nice to meet you. Lou

Lou? Hi.

That's right, it's me.

What are you doing here so early? You weren't supposed to pick me up until

seven. Oh, no? Oh, well, it's been one of those days, Mary. See, the thing is,

don't know if I can get away early.

Go ahead.

I'll cover for you. Oh, thank you, Mr. Grant.

Where's Linda? Downstairs?

No.

No. She's not sick or anything, is she? No, no, no. She's fine. Just fine.

It's just that we're separated.

I can't believe that you and Linda aren't going to be able to work this

out. I know. It's tired.

Rhoda, what are you doing here?

Mary, you should never go out and leave your bathtub running.

Oh, no, I did. No, I did.

But it dripped through a little. But I mopped it all up, so don't worry.

See, if I knew Mary was having company, I would have used my good sponge mop.

So, Jack, I see you found the right guy for Mary at last.

Oh, Rhoda. No, you're not so dumb, kid.

You pick a great couple for friends, so you're right there when the husband's

available. No, Rhoda, listen. So where is Linda, you two?

I'm not sure.

Sorry, really, I could die. I could just drop dead on this very spot.

I really... She didn't know.

I know.

Hey, I didn't know.

Would you like some coffee? It'll just take a minute, then we can talk some

more. No, Mary, thanks. I've got an early tennis game tomorrow.

Oh? With my lawyer.

Oh, Jack.

No, has it gone that far that you have to play tennis with your lawyer?

I guess it has.

I just feel terrible. I wish there was something I could say or do.

You, Linda. It's enough that you care, Mary.

Oh, I do.

You know, I'm glad we had dinner together like this tonight.

Hey, me too.

And I'm sure you guys are going to be able to work it out.

You're both too good to let this happen.

Thanks, Mary.

You're a good friend.

You too.

Well. Well.

Oh, boy, you.

you're separated when you're afraid to hug your friend. Now, come on, Mary.

That's silly.

You know what really bothers me? They're seeing their lawyers. Now I'm afraid

they won't get back together.

Well, it all depends on how good the lawyer is. If he's really good, they

have a chance.

You know, that's true, isn't it? Mm -hmm.

Oh, my cousin. Oh, he was the greatest divorce lawyer.

He used to chase cars with Just Married on the back.

Because you have the tendency of taking these things like they're the end of the

world. And they're not.

I'm not going to say any more.

The next thing I was going to say would really shock you.

Oh, gee, Rhoda, I kind of doubt that.

All right, here it goes.

Your friend Jack, formerly of Jack and Linda, is going to call you up and ask

you for a date.

No!

Morgan Stern predicts. Well, I wouldn't go out with him. No, I know, not on a

date you wouldn't. But if he asked you out to discuss his marriage, would you

that?

Of course I would. That will be your first date. Well, I've already done

Aha! I'm one for one.

Hello?

Oh, hi, Jack.

I'm fine, Peggy. How are you?

Oh, listen, I'm glad we had that talk, too.

You're welcome.

Oh, Jack, that's a great idea.

Linda...

out a dinner and roses.

Me?

Well, okay, sure.

Eight o 'clock will be just fine.

your barbershop last night on the show.

Right before the revolution in South America.

You probably just missed it.

You saw the whole show, huh?

Oh, I thought I did. Look, I'll do it tonight.

Look, Leon, I said I'd plug your shop, I'll plug your shop.

today and I think I ought to.

Well, I don't know if I can go through it.

What do you think?

Well, Mr. Grant, I like it.

It's bright. It's wide.

Bright in style.

I guess everybody likes it. If only somebody would say this.

Is that your question, or did my wife leave a message while I was out?

No, it's my question. Well, I guess it's a good marriage.

But on the other hand, I also think this is a good job.

Why?

Oh, I don't know. It's good to know there are some good marriages left.

Yeah.

I can only think of one thing that could make us get divorced.

What? If she invited Ted for dinner.

Why does everybody take divorce so lightly?

Well, it's not so rare, Mary. It happens a lot. Hey, Ted, remember that show we

did last week on the divorce.

Did you remember the statistics?

What was that again, Mark?

I almost asked Ted a question.

Go ahead, Murray, ask. It's all right, Ted, it's all right. Ask me, please.

Well, do you remember that night we did the show on divorce?

Yes.

We're splitting up.

Well, last night I was out with Jack.

Oh, you were out with Jack?

No, Murray, I wasn't out with Jack. I was out with Jack. Hi there.

Linda! I know it's lunchtime, but I took a chance. You might be here. Linda!

Well, Linda!

Well, hi!

Gee, I'm glad you did. Well, listen, now that you mention it, how about lunch?

Gee, I can't. I should be at work now. Well, you want to have lunch?

That's right, you said that.

But Mary, there is something I wanted to tell you.

Oh, excuse me.

I'll check the wire and see if anything broke on the Leon Silverman story.

It's about Jack and me.

Oh, Linda, I know.

You're separated.

It was the shortest separation on record.

Oh, Linda, that's great.

I knew it would work out. Well, it did.

We're getting divorced.

Wait, is that for sure?

Yep. Mary, I was tired of being a housewife.

I have my own identity.

I want to fulfill myself in other ways.

Well, what are you going to do?

First, I'm going to start dating again.

Hey, have you met anyone interesting lately?

Oh, well, yeah, but you wouldn't like him.

Well,

if I meet somebody, maybe we can get together. Sure, sure.

And let's keep in touch, and I'll talk to you soon. Okay.

Bye. Bye.

You know, Mary, I love sitting next to you. The guy who used to sit at that

always talked about crabgrass.

We're so uptight about Jack.

Okay, I know you and probably everybody else thinks I'm really stupid.

It's been five weeks.

Jack's not upset.

Linda's not upset.

But me, I am upset.

Well, like they always say, in a divorce, it's the little one who gets

most.

I know you're right. It's silly, isn't it? Yes.

I just, I can't go out with him again. Tonight is the last time. I just don't

feel right about seeing him on a dating basis.

Mary, we've been friends a long time, right? So I'd like to give you a little

bit of advice.

You're a dummy.

You think it's perfectly all right for me to go out with Jack.

Ma 'am, not only do I think it's all right, the whole world thinks it's all

right. Lawrence Welk thinks it's all right.

They are getting a divorce. It's in the courts, Mary. If you don't go out with

him, you're breaking the law.

to have a discussion with you. You never have an opinion.

Hi, Mayor. Hello, Jack.

Hi, Rhoda.

Sorry I'm early. That's all right.

Well, it's 8 o 'clock.

I'd better get upstairs and make my bed.

Rhoda!

You mean a girl like you staying home tonight?

Incredible, isn't it? Hey, Rhoda, listen.

Why don't you come with us?

Huh? It would be all right, wouldn't it, Jack? Well, sure.

No, I could not. Oh, come on. Look, we're just...

I'm going to dinner. Come on, Rhoda. We're not going anyplace expensive or

anything. I don't know. Well, how about if we go someplace expensive? Then I'll

go.

Boy, what a fancy restaurant.

I mean, everything that came out was flaming, including the busboy.

I'm glad you liked it, Rhoda. Oh, yeah, I did. But, you know, it was not right

that you paid for it. No, no, no, no. My pleasure. You didn't invite me. Me, I

did.

She can pray for me.

Come on, sit down.

How about coffee?

Fine. I'll help you.

What was that all about?

I guess she figured we wanted to be alone.

Ah, yes. I knew I'd like that girl.

be honest with each other.

Oh, uh, gosh, Jack, I don't think it's time for that.

Now, listen.

No.

Please, even when Linda and I were married... Absolutely not.

Mary.

Okay.

Even then, didn't you ever wonder what would have happened if you'd met me

before? Oh, no, no. You know, maybe somebody like you, you know, sort of

like you, but, uh... Not you.

Well, I'm like me.

Jack, I just don't feel right about it. You, Linda... What if you two got back

together again? I mean, boy, there would be a real mess.

I... I know what you mean, but we won't.

Linda is going out.

She's dating that guy, Arthur.

The Hummer?

Right. So, uh... So what do you want to do?

You know, I just figured out... What's bothering me? It's so simple.

All I have to do is make sure that Linda doesn't mind.

Oh, but she won't mind.

Okay, I'm going to go see her tomorrow. And tomorrow night, if you're free, I

will fix you the most fantastic dinner.

Terrific.

Mary, as long as you're going to be talking to her, I'd like you to ask her

something for me.

Sure, what?

Ask her what cleaner she took my gray suit to.

Looks the same. I thought it would have changed a little, but it hasn't. It's

exactly the same,

almost. Oh, Mary, you remember Arthur Price?

Sure, yes. Of course, you dated him. Right.

He used to be a friend of Jack's. And Linda's.

Well, he still is.

Aren't you, Arthur?

Guess you might say that.

Oh, I don't know how you ever let him get away.

Oh, well, you know.

Well, I've got to pick up those tickets, Lynn. I'll be back in an hour. Okay.

Nice to see you again, Mary.

Thank you.

Oh, Mary, I've never been happier in my life.

Oh, Linda, you don't know how happy I am to hear that.

I mean really happy.

I mean so happy I wake up humming.

How are things going with you?

How's that new guy you mentioned?

Well, it's funny you should ask that because, well, I guess that's why I'm

Look, I know you won't mind, but, well, you know me, dumb old Mary, super

cautious, has to get permission.

I just wanted to make sure that it's okay with you if I see Jack.

So it's okay with you, isn't it?

No.

What? I don't want you to date him.

But you just said... I know what I just said. Oh, and as far as I'm concerned,

Jack can date anyone he wants. A cocktail waitress, a secretary, a bunny.

But not you.

Well, why not me?

Because I say so.

Oh, well, I see.

music, dancing.

It was just terrific, really. Well, then you didn't break up with him. No, I

did, and it was beautiful.

I mean, all the chemistry was there, you know what I mean? We weren't kidding

each other or ourselves.

We knew we'd never see each other again.

Well, you certainly look happy.

Oh, sure.

It's that special glow a girl gets when she's not in love.

Goodbye, Arthur.