Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all alone,

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all

You're gonna make it after

all

Got

any more toast?

half a loaf of toast already.

Well, Mary, I'm eating a lot of toast because I'm not allowed bread on my

Do you have to be at work?

Mm -mm.

I worked late last night, so I have to be in till late this morning.

Boy, why is it that whenever I work late, I gotta get up early the next

to catch up with all the work I made for myself the night before?

Yeah, I don't know why you're so conscientious. I mean, you can fake it a

easier than I can.

Yeah, what do you mean?

Well, when you get behind in your work, who can tell?

When I get behind in my work, there's a window full of naked dummies.

Yeah, we work three days and we're off three days, and then I go to law school.

I thought you guys were just firemen.

Oh, no.

Harvey's a medical student.

He's going to be a surgeon.

No kidding.

Which one is Harvey?

The one with the axe.

Will you remind me never to let him take my appendix out?

Would you like some more coffee?

Oh, no thanks. I have to get back to the firehouse and study.

Yeah, listen, I'm sorry we couldn't save any of your things.

It's really a mess up there. Oh, well, listen, it could have been a lot worse.

That's for me. I'd better go.

Oh, well, listen, why don't you drop over on your next three days off?

Yeah, maybe I'll do that.

You really have a terrific attitude about this. Oh, well, I guess a person's

true nature comes forth during times of adversity.

Yeah. Well, listen, I'll see you. Oh, yeah, bye.

Boy, is he cute.

fire insurance.

No, I don't think I could get any now.

What happened?

I just saw a fireman coming down the stairs. Yeah, well, Phyllis, there's

fire. A fire?

How bad? Where was it? It was in Rhoda's apartment.

I might have known.

Oh, don't worry about me, Phyllis. I'm perfectly fine. You know, I can see

Well, as the manager of the building, I better go look at it. Honest up feet.

Right on in.

open.

Hey, Rhoda, I just happened to think about something. What about clothes? Do

have anything left? Nothing. Even my underwear went up.

You mean all you've got is your robe and nightgown?

Nope, just a robe.

Listen, you're welcome to take anything of mine, really.

Thanks, kid.

Okay, Rhoda, how did it happen?

What'd you do? Leave the apartment when the iron plugged in? Is that what you

did? Uh, Phyllis, the fireman said it was started by a faulty refrigerator

Tell us of me wasn't it, Philip, to leave the apartment with my refrigerator

plugged in.

All the inconvenience. I have to fill out all the insurance forms.

I have to have a whole place repaid. I have to buy a new door. Why does

everything always happen to me?

I am really sorry for you, Philip. Oh, really?

Compared to all that, the fact that I don't have a place to sleep or a stitch

clothing to wear. Hey, hey, now wait a minute. What is this, I don't have a

place to sleep? You'll stay with me, of course. No, ma 'am. I'm going to a

motel.

There's plenty of room here. You're staying with me. Mary, you know how

friends staying together works out.

Rhoda, I don't care. It's only going to be for a couple of days. I insist.

Okay, ma 'am. Okay.

Thanks.

Of course, Rhoda, dear, you know you're always welcome to stay with us. Oh, am

I? Thank you very much, Phyllis.

You know, one of these days I'm going to take her up on one of those phony

offers she makes just to see what she'll do.

from you.

Where are you calling from?

Uh, work.

Work? Uh, no, uh, Murray, I'm not, uh, sick. There was a fire in Rhoda's

apartment. Uh, no, she's fine. I'm a little depressed.

Listen,

uh, does Mr. Grant know I'm not in yet?

Uh -huh. Well, uh, tell him that, uh, I'm leaving a little while ago. Goodbye.

I completely forgot about work.

How can anybody forget about work?

you. It's your late morning. Not that late, Mary. What am I going to wear?

I told you, take something of mine.

See you later. Listen, thanks a lot. You're a doll.

Seven.

Seven.

Seven. Fine.

Seven. The last time I wore a seven was on the back of my softball uniform.

He's just been buzzing every five seconds for the past hour.

I'm sorry, Mr. Grant. No, no, Mary. I understand.

There's always some excuse for being late. You oversleep. You have a flat

There's a fire in Rhoda's apartment.

But the point is, Mary, this office is like a machine.

A big, complex machine.

One missing bolt and the whole thing breaks down. Well, Mr. Grant, I'll be

to... to stay late tonight and make... Not necessary. We've all been pitching

and covering for you. Even me.

Oh, Mr. Grant, I'm sorry.

Did you have to do the program logs? No, Gordy's out there doing that.

Oh. I, on the other hand, made the coffee.

Well, well.

How is it?

Not good.

It's sort of, shall we say...

Out there, why don't I just... I'll go make you another pot.

Um, take your time.

There you go, Mary.

Your completed program line. Oh, Gordy, thanks. That's so nice of you. Sure.

What's all that?

These are your incompleted program lines.

You know, these things are hard to do. Took me two hours and five minutes.

That long, huh?

Well, I spent the first hour just learning how to type.

I told you, take anything you want.

What did you decide to wear?

Oh, that one, huh?

Did you take the price tag off?

Listen, I've got to get back to work.

What? Gee, I don't know what time I'll be home. I guess, you know, 7, 7 .15,

something like that. Why?

Oh, well, listen, don't worry about dinner.

Oh, well, okay. I won't be late.

All right, bye.

You sure that wasn't my wife?

Or mine?

just for a couple of days till her place is fixed. Good. Because once you get

past bunk beds, nobody should have a roommate.

You know what's missing to make this complete?

No. Khaki sheets.

Mary, where do you tuck anything in anyway? Ah.

Now, see, there's a little trick to that.

The little trick is, there should be a little mattress on this.

Boy,

does this cot take me back.

To what?

Summer camp.

Hey, Rhoda, I'll tell you what. Why don't I sleep on the cot tonight?

No. No, Mary, I am not putting you out of your bed. You won't be putting me

Really, it'll be fun.

Mary, I will sleep on this hard little cot, and you will sleep on the

comfortable bed.

cot one night. You sleep on the incredibly comfortable bed, and then

switch around. How does that sound? Okay. All right. Who will sleep on the

little cot tonight?

Well, don't you want to so much?

Right.

Well, here goes.

You mean it lights out already?

Ma 'am, it's only 1130.

Uh -huh. Well, see, there's a difference. You're a night person. I'm a

sleeper. But go ahead. The light won't keep me awake. No, no, ma 'am. You'll

never fall asleep. Yes, I will. I can go to bed early for one night. Roto!

honest if you were up in your own apartment what would you be doing i

usually uh watch television so hey there's a wc fields film festival on

terrific you'll watch the television and i will go to sleep no no mary i won't

it'll keep you away wrong just stick this in your ear and you can listen to

television and i won't hear it well no that would be fun i can watch it in bed

This is no good.

I got it.

Well, you don't have to tell me about cots. I slept on one for two years in

service. You know, they make them that way on purpose.

Then when you get up at 5 .30 in the morning, you're glad to be getting up.

Okay, everybody into my office. We're having a meeting.

Okay.

On my way up in the elevator, I suddenly had this terrific idea that could solve

a lot of our problems.

The more I thought about it, the more brilliant...

Get your ideas.

Sort of pick your brains.

Hi, guys.

Well, it looks like somebody forgot to tell me there was a meeting going on.

Nobody forgot, Ted.

Oh, good.

Okay.

As I was saying, I had this terrific idea.

And I want to give it to you in a nutshell while it's still fresh in my

Isn't anybody out there going to get that? Well, Mr. Grant, everybody out

is in here.

Isn't anybody in here going to get that?

me you didn't have to be in until late this morning.

Well, how am I supposed to know you lie when you're sleepy?

Uh, listen, Rhoda, I've got to... Rhoda, I'm sorry you got in trouble with your

boss, but I am going to get in trouble with my boss in about two seconds. If at

one second I... Rhoda, I'll call you back.

Rhoda, I'm sorry.

Are you sure you're finished?

You shouldn't make personal calls when there's an important meeting.

Yeah.

Your idea, Lou.

Terrific idea.

Yeah.

Go ahead.

I'm trying to go ahead.

Can't you remember what you were going to say?

Well, you know what they always say. If you can't remember what it is you were

going to say, you couldn't have been very...

In the elevator.

Good. See, that came back to you.

Now, you're in the elevator.

No. No.

Yes.

No.

Super chef. Take care of dinner.

Well, gee, Rhoda, thanks for pitching in, but, uh, couldn't you have told me?

Oh, yeah, I wanted to, ma 'am, but I wanted to be a surprise.

Well, it certainly is.

Boy, you're really going to town in there, aren't you? Oh, Mary, it's such

to have a whole kitchen to work in. Have you ever tried roasting a turkey on a

hot plate?

Is that what we're having? No, no.

You know...

Because it's such a small kitchen that it's easier for me, anyway, if I sort of

wash the dishes as I go along.

That's what I love about us. We're so totally different.

I guess I'll just go wash up.

Hey, listen, I left some things soaking in the sink.

Oh, well, I'll just use the tub then.

Watch out for the goldfish.

Gotcha.

Do you have any horseradish? Isn't that kind of a strange way to greet somebody?

Hello, do you have any horseradish?

Yes, but not on my person.

Now, where's Mary? Oh, she's washing up.

Phyllis, since I'm up to my ears in pots and pans... Yes, I see.

Well, I thought maybe you would run down and get it for me. Oh, no, no, no, no,

no. You might have Mary jumping for you, Rhoda, but not me.

If you want horseradish, you just go down to my apartment and you tell Bess

Phyllis... wants her to show you where it is. Yeah, all right. Thank you,

Phyllis. You see that pot on the stove?

Give it a stir every so often.

Where's the spoon?

Stir it with your nose.

Uh, how about strong mustard?

Doesn't anybody say hello anymore?

Where is that Rhoda? Oh, she went down to my place to get some horseradish.

This morning, that's all.

Hey, Phyllis, when is her apartment going to be ready?

Oh, three or four days.

Three or four days.

drive you crazy? Uh, no.

There.

That's it.

Soup's on.

Well, what are we having?

Mary, I do not deal in cute little phrases.

I said soup.

tomorrow morning.

we continue this Oscar and Felix routine.

You are not going anywhere.

Mary, he says, listen, I gotta level with you, kid.

You drive me crazy.

I drive you crazy? Yes, you do.

Yes. First of all, there's all that cheerfulness in the morning.

up in the middle of the night doing dishes.

Who could live with a dish elf?

Look, Rhoda, you want to know the real reason you drive me crazy? Hmm? Yeah.

Because I know I drive you crazy.

Oh, hey, Rhoda, is that... Listen, you don't drive me crazy. Mary, please, I

have been nice enough to tell you how impossible you are to live with. You

at least extend me the same courtesy.

Huh? Okay, you drive me right up the...

had to check into a motel empty -handed.

Well, kid, this is it.

Farewell. Goodbye. Oh, will you cut that out?

Oh, are you leaving?

Yes, Phyllis, yes.

I am leaving.

For any particular reason?

Yes, Phyllis, yes. We have driven each other crazy.

Yes, Phyllis, that's it. I am going to a motel until my apartment is ready. I've

already called and made the reservation.

Bye, kid. Goodbye.

Of course, you're always...

gone with the wind.

He's never seen it before. Yeah?

How'd he like it?

Fine, but during the burning of Atlanta, I had to hold him in his seat.

Yeah, it's a great -looking outfit.

Didn't I tell you?

Oh, I got a check from the landlord's insurance company. So soon?

Yeah, but they only paid me half of the value of my clothes.

Oh, that's terrible.

No, it isn't. I told them they were worth twice as much as they actually