Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

I'm responsible for deaths other than my own. Christopher Hayward.

Rhoda Haywood.

Rhoda, why do you bother reading those?

It's the first place where guys announce they're single again.

I'm just trying out their names.

Not responsible for deaths other than my own, Victor Christian.

Rhoda Christian.

My mother would kill me.

Oh, guess who?

It's Phyllis.

Here, we all get it.

Let's see how long it takes her to remind us we're not married.

Am I intruding? I don't want to butt in on any single -gal -type chatter.

Four seconds.

Five.

Mary, I've come to impose upon your friendship just a little bit. May I?

Yeah, sure.

Oh, this is a little composition that Bess wrote in English class, and Mary,

must read it. I must have your reaction to it.

Uh, now?

Oh, Mary, do you mind? No!

the reaction of someone whose opinion I respect, who is also witty and

perceptive. Then you want me to read it.

I don't think that'll be necessary, Rhoda.

Mary, I don't want you to be influenced by me, but really, this is so clever and

insightful. But you don't want that to influence me, right? Right.

Ah, very good.

Oh, do you think so?

Oh, no, that's what the teacher wrote up here at the top. Very good.

Right, that's very good. Will you look at that egg? That is some egg. So big

red and rosy.

Isn't that a cute title, Mary? The care and feeding of parents.

Yeah, it is.

That never sounds funny.

Phyllis, it's really difficult to read when someone is watching your eyes go

back and forth.

What was that? What was that?

Oh, well, this, it really is terrific. That certainly does have a flair. Oh,

Mary, do you really think so? Yeah.

I do so hate imposing on you. Oh, Phyllis, you weren't imposing. Well, I

imposing hasn't begun.

Oh? You see, don't you think?

This would make an excellent article for one of those teenage -type magazines.

Why don't you send it in to one of them? Well, Mary, that's what I... Mary, you

know the Snyder Publishing Company, don't you? Yeah, I should. They own the

building I work in. Oh, do they?

That's why it's called the Snyder Building, Phyllis.

Well, then you know how they publish all kinds of books and magazines for

children. And I thought in particular teen topics, I thought that this might

make a perfect article for them. You aren't by any chance going to suggest

I take the composition into Snyder Publishing, are you?

Well, I just thought they wouldn't leave it lying around unread if you brought

it to them. After all, you're a TV associate producer.

Yeah, but Phyllis, I don't know anyone at Snyder Publishing.

Well, surely somebody in your office knows somebody down there to give them

this.

I think he knows Mr. Snyder, but that's... Well, then, Mary!

Oh, no.

Oh, Phyllis, I am not going to ask my boss to take a homework assignment of a

little girl, a very nice little girl... You're right. You're right. I am

imposing.

I... I just thought that... Oh!

It's so hard to explain to people who haven't reproduced.

alienate everybody completely. Oh, Phyllis, come on. You're not alienating

everybody. Speak for yourself, Mary.

Phyllis, wait.

Come on. Give me the paper. I don't know. Maybe there's something I can do.

Oh, Mary.

You're just so... Mary.

Mary. Well, let's just wait and see how Mary I am, okay?

Of course. I know you'll do the right thing. Say the right word.

And any small advance is perfectly acceptable, whatever the going rate is.

bless you, Mary.

You know, Mayor, it's a joy watching you stand up to Phyllis. Oh, come on,

Rhoda. She asked me to do a little favor.

Oh, Mary.

Just a thought.

Maybe you should type it up so it'll look more professional.

God bless you, Mary.

Murray, you know anyone who works downstairs at Snyder Publishing?

Well, the same people who clean this office every night clean those offices.

I think the guy's name is Smitty.

Thanks, anyway.

I know somebody down there.

Oh? Who?

Secretary to the big boss.

Cheryl Weston.

We went out quite a bit together.

Wait a minute.

Weston, Weston, Weston.

Can't seem to find her. Maybe she's in the yellow pager.

Oh, here she is under secretaries.

Ted, would you mind if I called her? I've got something here to submit to

Snyder. Not at all. This is her private office number. You may use my name. Oh,

no, that won't be necessary.

It's just nice to know her name to sort of break the ice.

Thanks.

Hello, Miss Weston?

Well, hi.

I'm Mary Richards, your neighbor from upstairs at WJM -TV.

Well, every day I just zip right past your floor on the elevator and I feel

I know you.

cute article here that I thought was just great for teen topics, and I was

wondering if... Well, yeah, I know I could mail it in. Well, perhaps I should

speak to Mr.

Snyder then. Uh -huh.

Just a moment, please.

Cheryl, this is Ted Baxter.

I'd just like you to know the young lady you're talking to is a personal friend

of mine.

Hello?

read this note beside her name.

What's it say, Ted?

Never mind.

Murray,

you think I could get Mr. Grant to read this?

I mean, he might just like it and say to himself, hey, I think I'll toddle on

down to see my pal Hank Snyder with this. Well, I don't know. It's going to

tough to get him to read it and tougher to get him to toddle.

Morning. Anything vital for me to read today?

right into your lap.

I would like to speak to whoever is responsible for this piece of paper

hold in my hand. That would be me. I just thought that if you had it in your

hand, it might occur to you to read it. You're right.

I did read it.

Now, what do I do with it?

Well, how did you like it, by the way? You didn't write this, did you? No, no.

just typed it up. Good. It stinks.

written by a 12 -year -old girl.

Oh, in that case, it's excellent.

Oh, do you really think so? It's Phyllis's daughter's English

And you want me to put her on the news staff? You figure she'd write well for

Ted?

No, Mr. Grant. I just thought that if you like it, it just might pop into your

head to take it down to your friend Hank Snyder, down at Snyder Pub.

But I can see it didn't pop into your head to do that.

As I recall, this is two paragraphs.

Wouldn't that make a rather brief magazine article?

Well, funny.

It didn't look so brief in longhand.

Mary, Hank Snyder owes me a favor.

Well, perfect.

Not perfect.

Five years ago, I started working on a novel.

You did?

Right now, it's about this thick.

When it's this thick, I'm going to barge into Hank's office, big as life, and

say, this is it, Hank.

Publish it.

Now, Mary, you can't expect me to use up a favor this thick for one this

thin.

No, I don't. Forget it. I just did.

Good.

Well, I think I've done everything I possibly could have done. I have typed

the composition, groveled at the feet of Mr. Snyder's secretary, made a fool of

myself in front of Mr. Grant. What more could I have done?

You did everything anybody could expect, Mary. And more.

So why is it that Phyllis is going to make me feel I haven't done enough?

Phyllis, I tried, but Mr. Grant just wasn't as enthusiastic as we were. Why

Didn't he see the grade on it? Well, no, Phil. You had me type it, remember?

Oh. Well, why didn't he think it was good enough?

No, he didn't say it wasn't good enough.

Well, he said that it was a little short.

Yes, he's right. It is short.

Tell him that Bess hasn't begun to explore the possibilities of her theme.

No, Phyllis, the thing is, Hank Snyder owes Mr. Grant a favor.

Mr. Grant wanted to use the favor to get a book published. A book?

Yeah.

Phyllis, Lars told me to come up and drop a hint for you to make some dinner.

Tell him I'll be right down, dear.

Okay. I offered to make him something, but he doesn't like jelly.

Well, then give him the rest of this banana and tell him I'll be right along.

little composition about coping with parents that Miss Delgado gave you that

red A on?

Well, sure.

Well, Mary has taken a great interest in it, and she and her employer, Mr.

Grant, think that it can be a book.

Phyllis, I did not say book.

Well, they feel it needs a trifle more padding, a few chapters.

Phyllis, I don't know if I can write a whole book.

Well, all we have to do is elaborate on the theme that parents have a lot to

cope with.

The theme was that kids have a lot to cope with. Well, uh, whatever.

Phyllis, will you just hold on a minute?

Hello. Phyllis, I did not say I could get a book published. I doubt if I can.

fact, I'm sure I can.

Well, we'll cross that bridge when we come to it. The important thing is for

Bess to do it. Bye. Goodbye.

Oh, well. Sounds like you've been standing up to Phyllis again.

Oh, well, they'll never finish it. I mean, a book is a book. Come on.

to the pages.

Mary, we're talking about Phyllis here. Before this thing is finished, you're

going to be out there in Hollywood, selling the rights to the screenplay.

And typing it.

Yeah.

Dean, take other 10 -second numbers. Go away!

I'm only sticking my head in long enough to tell you I'm leaving. Oh, Rhoda, no,

that's okay. Stay.

Just Phyllis, she is driving me crazy with that book.

You know, she called me seven times at the office yesterday. I couldn't get any

work done. I had to bring it home and do it on the weekend.

You get tough.

Look at me. Do you think Phyllis would ever dare ask me for a favor?

Never.

She respects me too much.

In fact, she respects me so much she can't stand me.

Okay, just one sentence then.

Well, that's kind of cute, yeah.

Well, it's clear to me.

Well, no, I'm sorry, Bess. I can't come down, dear.

Phyllis, will you get off the extension?

I just told Bess, and I told you before, I cannot come down. I am busy.

I'll talk to you later. Goodbye.

There. I told her no.

Now, don't you feel better?

Are you thinking?

Or are you staring at your fish?

Both. I wish I could reach them so I could make them understand I'm keeping

in there for their own good.

I'm not following you, dear.

Well, I'd like to set them free, but if I put them in a lake or a river, the

pollution would kill them.

So they're better off here in relatively clean tap water.

But they probably hate me because they think I'm keeping them prisoner. Fish

don't... Hey, dear.

Hi. Oh, Mary.

Hi, Aunt Mary. What seems to be the problem?

Well, everything was going just fine, and then we hit a little snag. Oh, how

did you get? Well, actually, we had a little disagreement over how the

dedication should read.

The dedication? You mean you finished already?

Oh, no, no. We haven't gotten past the dedication.

Mary, which sounds better to you? Now, I want you to be honest. I'm not going to

tell you which one of us did which.

To Charlie Brown, Snoopy, Linus, and especially Lucy.

Or to dedicated parents everywhere.

I think I like the one about Charlie Brown.

Mary, could I speak to you for a minute?

Phyllis, is it all right if I take a little break?

A break?

I just felt I needed a little break while you two were talking. Oh, well, go

ahead and take your little break, dear.

While she's taking her little break, I'll just rough in the first few

I know how her mind works.

So, Mary, if there's nothing else... No, no, no, Phyllis.

I shouldn't have barged in and interrupted the way I did.

In summary, Councilman Carter has this to say. We must take action soon against

the appealing...

tapping policies of government agencies.

That's appalling.

Oh, against the appalling wire tapping policies. Oh, I see. Then I disapprove.

Then I better frown instead of smile.

Hi. Oh, hiya, Bess. How are you?

Fine. How are you, Mr. Slaughter? Well, I guess I'm fine, too.

Can I help you?

Well, I'd like... to see Mary. Is she here? Well, she'll be right back. Why

don't you sit over here at a desk?

Thank you.

You're a writer, aren't you?

Uh -huh. In a way, I write for Ted Baxter on the 6 o 'clock news.

I guess that makes me a comedy writer.

I'm kind of a writer, too.

Oh, that's right.

You know, I really like your little story about parents.

Thank you.

Do you enjoy writing?

Well, now, let's see.

I enjoy getting paid for my writing.

I enjoy finishing my writing. I enjoy reading my writing.

I don't think I really enjoy the writing part of my writing.

I think I know what you mean.

Bess, hi.

What are you doing here?

Just thought I'd say hello.

Well, how nice.

Does Phyllis know where you are? Well, no.

I'm supposed to be on a botany field trip, but they called it off because

bad day for outdoor breathing.

I had to go to the orthodontist four blocks from here, so I asked your mother

drop me off. Oh.

Aunt Mary, can I talk to you? Well, sure.

Why don't we use Mr. Grant's office? It's more private.

Why don't you just sit down, and I'll drop these off and be right back.

I know you, don't I? Yeah.

You're not one of my grandchildren, are you?

No.

Oh, Mr.

Grant, I'm sorry, but we had to use your office.

Believe me, it's very important.

Important? Very.

I understand.

So, what do you want to talk about?

It's about the book.

Oh, yeah. How's it coming?

I wish we weren't doing it. Well, Bess, the other day you said you were enjoying

doing it. Well, I was.

I wanted to do it for Phyllis. I want her to be proud of me. Oh, honey, she is

proud of you.

I'd do just about anything for her. And since she wanted a book so bad, well, I

figured I'd try and write a book.

But, Aunt Mary, I'm only 12.

Not finished yet?

Oh, no.

Right on time.

Lou Grant, this is Mr. Mitchell from Universal Mills.

Mr. Mitchell. Well, they tell me you're going to try to convince me to sink half

our television budget into your news program. That's right.

Why don't we just go into your office, Lou?

Well, Sam, unfortunately, it's occupied momentarily. Why don't we just sit down

right here?

that the reason Phyllis is so involved in writing this book is because of you.

Because she loves you.

I know.

And I love her.

And that's why I don't want to quit writing the book.

She's enjoying it so much.

You know, for a person with Phyllis' intelligence and creativity, being just

plain housewife can get pretty humdrum.

Yeah, but I think if you tell her that you don't want to write the book, she'll

just bounce right into some other activity that won't be so hard on you.

is pretty resilient.

Yeah.

Well, will you tell her then?

Well, Beth, sweetie, I could, but, um, aren't they better coming from you?

Well, maybe we could tell her together.

Okay. Oh, good.

Because when we're alone, Phyllis has this tendency to rewrite me.

Excuse me.

Mary, how nice.

Come and sit down.

Tell me all about the outside world.

You know, it's true.

Writing is lonely.

Phyllis, Bess asked me to talk to you. When?

Well, she came to see me today.

Oh, to your office?

Yeah.

Phyllis... Well, I guess the best thing to do is just come out and say...

doesn't want to work on the book anymore.

Well, fine. We won't work on the book.

You're not upset that she doesn't want to work on the book? No.

I just wish she could have told me herself.

Well, see, the thing is, she was afraid that you'd be disappointed in her.

Disappointed?

Oh, Mary, well, that's silly.

She knows I've always told her I only want the best for her. Oh, and that's

exactly what I said to her, too. She doesn't want to write. She doesn't have

write.

don't want to write, you don't have to write. I just put the book away and we

just won't talk anything more about it. Oh, good.

Well,

can I do my homework now?

Of course.

You can't push a child to do something she doesn't want to do.

Always remember that, Mary.

I'll try.

Beth?

What's that, dear?

It's nothing.

May I see it?

It's just a painting I did in this ruler's class.

Why didn't you show this to me? I forgot.

Look at this, Mary.

Oh, Bess, that's really terrific.

You know, I bought a poster last week that wasn't half as good as this.

I mean, the colors, it... You know, Bess, if you wanted to, I bet you could

even...

I went home this weekend and I finished it. Oh, hey, terrific.

Edie read it last night.

She was really caught up in it until she fell asleep.

Listen, get Hank Snyder for me. I want to collect on that favor. Oh, sure.

By the way, Mr. Grant, what was that favor, anyway?

Old Hank wasn't always a big publishing tycoon.

He used to own a crummy little bar.

I did something that financed the start of his whole publishing empire.

Wow. What was that?

I paid my board.