Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after...

Have you seen the latest ratings?

No. We just moved into the top ten.

Hey, that's wonderful.

In our time period.

Well,

of course, you've always said that a news show shouldn't be governed by

And I'll keep saying that until I can figure out why we're always on the

Speaking of Ted... I didn't mention Ted.

Isn't that funny? I wonder why you thought you did.

Well, anyway, now that we are speaking of Ted, I have just been going over the

union vacation records, and I discovered that it's been quite some time since

Ted took a vacation.

Well, sometimes things slide by.

Uh, four years.

See, isn't that as long as he's worked here?

Yeah, only four years.

Seems longer.

Well, Mr. Grant, the point is we are in violation of his union contract if he

doesn't get at least two weeks off every year. His contract calls for him to be

a newsman.

He's in violation every time he opens his mouth.

Well, uh, shouldn't somebody talk to him about taking a vacation?

Yeah, let me know how it turns out.

Want to enter my football pool, Murr? The Rams -Vikings game.

Only a dollar a square and the winner gets 50 big ones.

But that's a hundred squares.

Shouldn't the winner get a hundred big ones?

Well, the guy who's running the pool should get a little something for his

effort.

I'll pass.

Oh, I see, Mayor, I got a little pool arena going here. You want to get in on

it? Oh, well, no, thanks, Ted. I never win those things.

Ted, you have a minute.

Sure. Listen, I was just going over some records, and do you realize how much

vacation time you have coming?

Want a cup of coffee, Mayor?

Have some?

Ted, did you just hear what I said?

Sure, you said no thanks.

No, I meant before that.

Oh, yeah, sure. Well, Mary, if you don't want to enter my pool, I'm not going to

force you.

Hey, Mike, last one in the pool is a rotten egg.

Ted, you... What is the matter with him?

Mr. Grant, could I see you for a minute?

You couldn't nail him, right?

Yeah, how did you know?

Figure it out. If you were Ted Baxter, and did the news the way he does, would

you leave?

Believe me, nobody needs Ted's vacation more than I do.

Yeah, we could all use Ted's vacation.

Last year, he was all set to go.

But at the last minute, he got sick and came back to work.

Two years ago, as a little hint, we gave him a going -away party.

He was so touched.

He said he couldn't bear to go away.

Mr. Grant, I think I might have a solution here.

Why don't I put on his cue cards, this is Ted Baxter saying I'll see you in two

weeks when I return from my vacation.

Well, if they find out how magnificent it is, they might want to take it away

from me.

Well, uh, Ted, I don't think they'd want to do that.

Oh, no? Then why is it on wheels?

Please. Sorry.

To Ted Baxter, a great newsman. Your pal, Walter Cronkite.

Isn't that funny? His handwriting... Looks a lot like mine. Everybody says

Hey, you got one of those videotape setups.

Terrific. Yes, I use it every night while I'm on the air.

So you tape the other news shows so you can see how they're doing, huh? No, I

tape my shows so that I can see how I'm doing.

Well, how are you doing? Fine, thank you.

I only keep the ones I like the best.

So far, I... I've got all of them.

This is one of my favorites.

February 14th.

And there can be little doubt that Hubert Humphrey will...

vacation. Why?

I'm not tired. Do I look tired? I don't need any rest. Well, Ted, whether you

need the rest or not, your union contract says that you've got to take a

vacation every year with pay.

What kind of a union makes you take vacation with pay?

Why don't you tell them I already took one? Well, I can't do that. I already

sent a report saying you haven't.

Why is the union wasting its time on these things?

They should be doing more important things.

You know how long these bulbs have been burnt out?

Except for that one.

Ted, could you use a little rest?

I'll rest Saturdays and Sundays. It's the same as a vacation.

Look, I'm afraid you're going to have to go.

Mary, why are you doing this to me?

Oh, Ted.

Maybe you could replace some of my tapes while I'm gone. The news hasn't changed

that much.

I have to go.

Well, just as soon as we can find someone to take your place.

I'm not going. Ted, that was an unfortunate choice of words.

No, just as soon as we can find a replaced... As soon as we find a

Someone who will do the news for you while you're gone. Not too well. Who

disappear the moment you get back. Sounds like the perfect choice. Okay.

Hey, Ted, everything's going to be fine.

How are the interviews going?

Well, not so good.

Mr. Grant, I look forward to hearing from you. I've had plenty of experience

radio, and I'd love to switch over to TV.

Sounds like he found his man.

Don't make any bets.

You have my telephone number, haven't you?

Yes, I have.

So long for now.

Miss Cox, you can go right in.

That's an anchor man.

Why not? There are plenty of women newscasters. Lou's not going to hire any

woman. If she's right for the job, he will. Mr. Grant is very fair.

Didn't you know?

You're our token woman.

Excuse me.

Is this where I find Lou Grant?

He's already one up on Ted. He's walking and talking at the same time.

Yes, sir, can I help you? Yes, I'm Rod Porter. I have an appointment for the

anchorman job.

Oh, the substitute anchorman job.

Is the job still open? The job's been open ever since Ted took it.

Do you suppose that anybody likes job interviews?

Well, walking, talking, and opening a door at the same time.

Xavier. Yes, sir?

Is Lou still looking for the guy to take my place?

Yeah, he is.

I was thinking Chuckles the Clown might be a good choice.

I mean, he's a nice -looking fellow.

when you take off his funny nose.

Not a bad idea, Ted.

One clown to replace another. So tell us, Ted, where are you going on your

vacation? Oh, I'm a jet up to Acapulco.

Up?

I might as well introduce you to everybody now.

This is Mary Richards, our associate producer, Rod Porter.

Oh, the last associate producer I had was me. It was a pretty small station,

I'm not after your job, Mary. Oh, well, that's nice.

And, uh...

Excuse me, Ted.

Murray Slaughter, one of our news writers.

Nice to meet you, Ron.

Well, I ought to write my own copy, too, but I'm not after your job either,

Murray.

Have you met Ted Baxter, our anchorman?

Hi. I'm after your job.

I hope I keep your audience happy. What audience?

Yes, I would. And if it's okay, I'd like to meet the director and the crew. I

really think it's good for me to know them and them to know me. Couldn't agree

with you more. I'll introduce you to the director.

What's the director's name anyway?

I'll go with you. Give me a chance to study his style of speech. Thanks,

Great place to work. I just know you're going to love it here. I love it

already. Great. I'm sure you'd feel that way about it.

Why don't you just go on ahead?

Tonight I came home, as usual.

Turned on the 6 o 'clock news, as usual.

And then I did what I usually do while I watch the 6 o 'clock news. I took a

shower.

You take a shower while you watch the news? No, not always.

Sometimes I vacuum, sometimes I go to the store.

That's the best thing about that Ted Baxter. You can do all that stuff and

feel like you're missing anything.

No, but that's just not fair. I ran out of hot water. And when I got out of the

shower, they had to...

Yeah, that's Rod Porter.

Boy, is he ever.

So will you tell me about him?

Well, he's filling in for Ted for a couple of weeks. At least I hope it's

couple of weeks.

Why? Is he hard to get along with? No, no, he's very, very nice.

Is he very, very married?

Very, very.

Well, so's everybody.

But he's still terrific.

That's really terrible. What else bad happened today? Did you get a raise?

Rudy, it's just that I feel sorry for Ted.

I mean, that poor man is on a vacation in Acapulco that might never end.

Oh, I see, yeah.

Look, Mayor, it's not your fault.

You didn't make Rod good.

No, but I made Ted go.

The poor man didn't want to take his vacation either. He was afraid something

like this would happen, and he was right.

It's happened.

Do you think Rod is happily married?

Listen to this one.

Please send me a picture of Rod Porter so I can press it under my pillow.

He makes even bad news enjoyable.

Ted's been waiting his whole career for a letter like that.

It's amazing.

Everybody seems to like the guy.

I keep thinking I'm going to wake up with a cold sweat and find out it's all

dream. Here's one that doesn't like him. Rod Porter isn't as swell as your

regular guy.

Please bring back Ted Baxter right away.

Well, you've got to expect some dumb crank letters.

Mary, if you need me for anything, you can call me at the mobile unit. Oh, what

are you covering?

Nothing. I'm just driving home for lunch.

My wife took my card today. Hey, here's a card from Ted.

Buenos dias, guys.

Acapulco is terrifico. Wish you were here...

but they don't pick it up down here.

They got a terrific sense of humor, doesn't he? No, he doesn't.

Hey, wouldn't you think he could have sent us a picture postcard?

Well, they probably cost two centavos more.

Hey, Murray.

Hmm? This card is postmarked Minneapolis.

What? He never went away at all.

He knows what a hit rod is. Oh, the poor guy.

He wrote this dumb crank letter, too.

guilty.

Hi, Mr. Grant.

Hi.

Is something wrong?

No, no.

I'm just enjoying looking at part of Minneapolis's number two news team.

feel so bad. We'll be number one soon.

We got a card from Ted.

Who?

Ted. Oh, Baxter.

Yeah, yeah. We always used to kid him, but underneath all that pompous stuff,

wasn't really a bad guy.

Uh, wasn't?

Yeah.

It's not gonna be easy.

What isn't gonna be easy?

Mary.

You're talking to someone who's gone through his entire television career as

ACAC gunner.

I was always down there at the bottom, firing up at the big guys while they

dropped bombs on me.

I enjoy being the one dropping the bombs.

The only thing I have to consider is if my marginal affection for Ted

outweighs my tremendous desire to be rich and happy.

for you, Mr. Grant, the general manager.

Probably calling to congratulate us.

Oh, Murray, do you think Ted has any chance at all of keeping his job?

Let me put it to you this way.

If Ted were here, he could start up a pool on how many minutes he has left.

You know what I suddenly have a terrific craving for?

A pizza.

Why don't you send out for one?

Nah. By the time it gets here, the craving will be gone.

Then I'll end up eating it anyway, even though I don't want it.

Oh. Well, then, you know what you should do?

What? Don't send out for one.

But I have this terrific craving for one.

Maybe two.

I jetted back a few days early.

Got homesick for the old hometown.

Oh. I just thought I'd take a little walk tonight.

Well, gee, you... Your place has to be ten miles from here.

Well, actually, I only walked to the car, then I drove over it, then I walked

here. Oh. Well, come on in.

I thought I'd take a chance to catch you alone. I see I have.

I haven't slept in three nights.

Oh, what's wrong?

Well, I've been sleeping so much during the day.

So, how's everything at the old newsroom?

Oh, just fine.

How's this new kid doing that's been filling in for me? What's his name?

Potter? Porter. Rod Porter.

What do you think of his work?

Oh, I think he's really...

Oh, yeah, extremely adequate.

You were going to say good, weren't you? No, no, honest. As a matter of fact, I

was going to say great.

But I changed my mind.

No, no, no.

Great, great, great.

You mean you think he's that good?

Good?

Yeah, he is good, you know, but not out of this world fantastic.

Just good, yeah.

I know I'm good.

But she said he's... Very great.

Mary, what am I going to do? I just can't go back to Rhode Island.

You know what Shakespeare said?

You can never go home again.

That was Thomas Wolfe. Almost.

I always get those two mixed up.

Hey, Ted, I'm sure everything will be all right. I mean... I don't want any...

Pep talks, Mary.

I want your pity.

Oh, Ted, come on.

You don't mean that. Yes, I do.

Ted, Rhoda's... I'll take her pity, too. I'm desperate.

Mary, if I lose this job, I'm finished.

I've just got to stay.

I'll do anything.

Station break, sign -offs.

This is WJM -TV, 7 Minneapolis, St. Paul.

Very good.

And I was only ad -libbing.

Mary, you've got to try and convince Lou to keep me on.

Yeah, Mary, you gotta try.

Well, sure, Ted, I'll do what I... But I really think you're jumping to

conclusions. Thank you, Mary, thank you. I just don't know how I'll be able to

thank you enough. Well, Ted, why don't you just go home and get a good night's

sleep? Hey, listen, just let Mary handle it. Okay.

Thank you, Mary.

Good night, Ted.

Of course, tell Lou I'll have to get the same money I'm getting now.

Mr. Grant notice that I'm late?

No, he's been in there with Rod for half an hour.

Oh, no. Ready?

Yep. I want to put in a good word for Ted.

Wouldn't do any good. I already did.

You did?

You know, Ted Fratch is my copy.

He's incredibly cheap.

But you know what bugs me the most about him? What?

I like him.

Me too.

Is he here yet?

No, he's outside.

When I got to work... I saw him just sitting in his car, staring straight

at his name on his parking place. I wish Rod would do something rotten.

Yeah, he's really a wonderful guy.

as well tell you guys I never went to Acapulco.

Well, where did you get the tan?

Well, I used some of that stuff.

We missed you.

You don't have to say that, Mayor.

She's not just saying that. We really missed you. You're only saying that to

make me feel good. Ted, we're saying that because it's true.

I missed you guys, too.

Well, it's the same old newsroom.

Same old mayor, same old mayor.

The same old...

Well, yeah, but there's somebody in there with him right now.

Potter, right?

Uh, Porter.

Thought so.

Well, it was great when it lasted.

Hi, Ted.

Hiya, Lou.

Don't everybody look so happy? Hey, Ted, how was your vacation?

Terrific. That's good. You know, it was great for me, too.

Replacing you was the biggest break I ever had. I'm aware of that.

But it was all fair and square, and the best man won.

This is the greatest place I ever worked.

me a lot, but that's only because he cares.

Mary, well, he's really a fine news writer.

And Mary, Mary's the best there is.

Oh, that's true.

I just hope the people at my new job are half as good.

Good, good, good, good.

Yeah, the network.

The net, net, net. The network. The net work? Somebody from the network spotted

me subbing for you and offered me a job. I'm leaving for New York. York next

week. Well, congratulations.

Thank you. Oh, I'm so happy for everybody.

Yeah, New York's gained as Minneapolis has lost.

More ways than one.

That still mean I'm the anchorman?

Yes, Ted.

Excuse me a minute.

an unlisted rating.

Well, it was nice while it lasted.

But I'm glad Ted's back anyway.

I think he's glad, too.

I want a two -minute personal editorial on auto safety.

For or against Ted? Whatever you think is right.

As long as I have it by tonight.

Mayor, those light bulbs are still out in my dressing room.

When are you going on your next vacation, Ted?

Never.

I'm never going on a vacation again.

I figure that's the worst break that ever happened to me.

How do you figure that?

Well, if I'd have been here, that network guy would have seen me, and I'd

one in New York instead of this guy Potter.

Coast to coast, national fan club, my picture on the cover of all those news

magazines. What a lousy break.