Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it, love is all

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after...

Pick up the mail. Oh, good.

Mary, I got it.

What? My income tax refund.

Every year I go crazy wondering whether I'm going to get money or a summons for

my arrest.

Hey, I wonder if the government can afford this.

How much is it for?

$18 .75.

Hey, there's one here for you, kid. Oh, thanks.

Oh, no. You can't win. What? This is the bill from the guy who prepared my

income tax.

What just don't you need? Another chain letter.

Oh, I haven't seen one of these things in years.

Dear friend, this letter will bring you money if you read it and follow the

instructions. Claude Johnson read it, followed the instructions, and received

over $25 ,000 cash.

And if you make 20 copies of this letter, send it to your friends, add

to the bottom of the list of names, send a dollar to the name at the top of the

list, you will receive over $25 ,000 cash, right?

Throw it away.

Really? You mean you're really going to break it? Isn't it bad luck or something

to break the chain? There. Now, you see, that's what I hate about those letters.

All that superstition and greed.

What possible bad luck could I have if I break it anyway? Come on.

You could lose your job.

Christmas list is?

Right here.

What are you doing with the Christmas list at this time of year? The same

you want to do with it.

Did you happen to get a chain letter from... Yes, I did. And I just want you

know that even though we're friends and we work at practically the same desk

together, the 17 people on this list are mine.

Oh, well.

Well, okay.

I'll tell you what. If it'll make you feel any better, I'll let you have...

Switchboard operator.

The mail boy?

Okay, it's a start anyway. Thanks.

Now, where am I going to come up with the rest of the people on this list?

you have a lot of friends.

Yeah, and the reason they're my friends is I don't send them dumb chain letters.

Mary, you broke Lou's chain.

Oh, come on, Marie. If I didn't, somebody else would.

Morning.

Oh, you've got a message here to call Frederick Varney.

Never heard of him.

No, wait.

Isn't he the new chairman of the board?

And our biggest stockholder.

Yeah. Oh, I just remembered who he is.

Mary, what's half of my chain letter doing in your wastebasket?

Mary, I'll let you have Chef Leroy.

Mary, I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt.

Because here's what I think happened.

You were reading my chain letter.

Your hands accidentally slipped.

Tearing the paper.

Just then, there was a loud...

The pieces of the letter fell out of your hands and into your

wastebasket.

Then I came in.

So here you go, and you're welcome.

Mr. Grant, it did not accidentally slip out of my hands. I ripped it up and

threw it into the wastebasket because I just don't happen to believe in chain

letters. Well, neither do I.

Well, then why did you send it?

Because this one's different.

Did you see this list of names?

You mean the people who answered the letter? Right.

And it's a very distinguished list.

Now, look up here at this name.

Alan Ludden.

Yeah.

So?

Mary.

Alan Ludden is no fly -by -night nobody.

watching Alan on television ever since college school.

If Alan Lutton believes this chain letter is good enough for him, that's

enough for me.

That's why I spent a lot of time picking people who I knew wouldn't break the

chain. People I could trust.

People who are reliable, responsible, intelligent.

Lou, I got your chain letter.

but I just have to tell you how honored I am that you chose me.

Oh, you get one too, Mary?

Oh, yeah.

Say, look, Mary, if we send 20 of these to our friends and none of us break the

chain, I could win $25 ,000.

Mm -hmm. And all you have to do is send a dollar to the person at the top of the

list. Oh.

Oh, what the heck?

Now all I've got to do is find 20 people to send it to.

Uh, why don't you send it to the members of your fan club, Ted?

That's a good idea.

And all I do is come up with 15 more.

You still want to break the chain, Mary?

Knowing how it will disappoint Ted and me?

Not to mention Alan Ludden.

Mary. Hi. How come you're not watching that documentary on TV?

It's on how much fun us single swingers are having.

How come you're not watching it?

I didn't want to watch it alone. It's too depressing.

to that program right this minute, you and I are either skiing or on a hayride.

I don't have time for either one of those things. Maybe when I finish with

chain letter.

Mary, I can't believe you still hung up with that chain letter.

Well, you pick the first 20 names in your address book.

You'll still be in the A's.

Rhoda, I am already into the L's, and I haven't found one person I would like to

burden with it. Well, when you get to the M's, kid, feel free to burden me.

thanks. Yeah, I already did.

Oh, yeah?

Of course, I have to work late all this week.

But I suppose on my one night off, I could go to the library and use that

duplicating machine.

Twenty copies, huh?

Ten cents a page?

Are you crossing me off the list? Yeah. Thanks, kid.

Armand Linton. I don't remember that name.

I also don't remember this handwriting.

Let me see it.

There. Oh, yeah, that's Armand Linton.

I put that in.

Rhoda, why are you putting strange men in my address book?

He's not a strange man, Mia. He's the guy you invited to that party you gave

my date, and he showed up with his wife. Oh, yes.

I remember her.

Nancy. I remember him.

Almond. It still doesn't explain why you wrote him in my address book and not

yours. I don't have one.

I've been getting by for years on the back of a cocktail napkin.

Send one to Almond. He won't mind. Okay.

Hey, Roy Martoni.

Yeah, I wouldn't feel too guilty about sending one to him. Who's he?

Well, there was an ad in this cooking magazine that said, send away for free

steak knife, no obligation.

So I did. I sent away for it. And Roy Mortoni showed up at my door with my

no obligation steak knife. I know the bit. Then he tried to sell you a whole

of steak knives, right? No, no.

What? A whole set of encyclopedias.

I just thought of the perfect person you can send that letter to. Who? My

mother. Oh, yeah, good.

Sign my name. She loves to hear from me.

But that was four minutes ago.

What's taking him so long?

Ted, your $25 ,000 is not going to come in one letter. It comes little by

little. If it comes, which it probably won't. Well, that's what I'm waiting

my first little.

I've already invested a buck in this thing.

Where is that kid?

Did that boy get here yet?

Oh, Lou, and I want him fired.

I don't know why they give an important job like delivering the mail to a boy. I

mean... They should give it to a grown -up, a male man. You know what I mean?

You understand, don't you, Lou? Some kid is probably goofing off with it in the

halls. Here, Ted. I think I saw a couple in there for you.

Don't try to figure it out, Ted. Just look fast and see if there's anything

there for me.

And don't be too disappointed if you didn't get any money. I never heard of

anybody who ever did.

I got a dollar.

You see, Mary, Alan Ludden knows.

Bunch of fan letters for me.

Only Ted could call one postcard a bunch.

Hi, Mary.

Hi. I got your chain letter and I just wanted to thank you in person.

Oh, you're welcome.

Thank you.

Well, that's because last time you saw me, I had my wife Nancy on my arm. Oh,

yes. How is Nancy?

Off my arm.

We're separated, you know. Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Well, that's all right.

You see, I've been to a personal counselor, and I've learned to be open

honest about my separation.

Uh -huh. Uh, excuse me, Mary. Oh, thank you. Oh, uh, Murray Slaughter, Armand

Linton. Oh, hi. How are you? Fine, since I became separated from my wife, Nancy.

Uh, well, I'm sorry to hear about that.

What's the name again?

Nancy.

Well, Armand, it was really nice visiting with you, but I do have some

do. You know, Mary, your letter couldn't have come at a better time.

It reminded me of how attractive and single you were.

You certainly are still attractive. Are you still, uh... Oh, yes.

Well, well.

So am I, since I became separated from my wife, Nancy.

And so that's when I decided to go into the stock brokerage business.

Perhaps you've heard of my company.

Oh, I don't know. Maybe I have. What's it called, Armand? Armand Linton and

Company.

No, I haven't heard of it.

Well, that's where I usually spend my mornings, but since today was a holiday,

figured... What holiday is today?

It's my birthday.

Oh, well, happy birthday.

Thank you.

You know, I usually spend my birthdays with Nancy, but since we're separated, I

was wondering if you'd care to have dinner with me tonight.

Oh. Uh, well, uh... Uh, sure.

Sure. Oh, great.

Uh, what time do you get through here?

Uh, well, not until about 7 o 'clock. Oh, that late, huh?

Couldn't you kind of get away a little early tonight?

Uh, no.

No, no, I couldn't. Uh, Armand, I have a tremendous amount of work to do here.

Oh. Well, where would you like to go tonight?

Uh, well, I... Why don't we, uh, discuss that later?

Well, the reason I'd like to know is so I can make a reservation.

Uh -huh. Well, uh, the Embers is always nice.

That's where I always used to go with Nancy before we were separated.

No, I don't think that would be in good taste.

Okay, how about... Well,

no, that's no good either.

You used to go there with Nancy a lot, did you? No, it's just no good. Food's

bad.

Well, I went to a place that was pretty good last night, if I could just

remember the name of it. Mary?

Yes, sir. Can I see you a minute?

Yes, sir.

Excuse me. I really do have to get to work. It's okay, Mary. I've got nothing

but time. Mary!

Mr. Grant, please don't say a word. I know exactly what you're going to say.

Okay. What am I going to say?

You are going to say that you do not like us to have personal people in the

newsroom during business hours because when there are people in the newsroom,

you can't be yourself. You have to be nice.

And you don't like... Having to be nice because when you're nice, then nobody

gets any work done at all. And that's what you were going to say.

Yes.

But you left out the most important item.

What? Get rid of him. Mr. Grant, I am trying my level best to get rid of him.

No, no, Mary, no.

If you want to get rid of somebody, you say, please leave.

Go away.

Get out of here.

Words like that.

When I hear words like, where shall we have dinner tonight?

I finish work at seven.

Can you get off any earlier?

That's not getting rid of someone, Mary.

That's planning a life together.

Goodness. When did Armand leave?

He didn't leave.

Ted is taking him on a personal tour of the studio.

Ted? Yeah. When your friend introduced himself as a stockbroker, Ted must have

thought that was the same as stockholder.

And he's giving him the royal treatment.

This is the newsroom where the news is made and written for me.

Fascinating. I'd like you to meet the hardest working girl in the newsroom.

That's because she's the only girl in the newsroom.

This is Armand Linton, one of our stockbrokers.

Almond? This is Mary Richards. Mary, why don't I pick you up at 8 o 'clock

tonight?

Okay, I'll just write down my address for you.

Roy, talk about fast workers.

Great, I'll see you tonight.

I'll show you to the elevator. Oh, that won't be necessary. I prefer the stairs.

It's good exercise.

Oh, is that how you keep in such great shape?

Well, yes, that and yoga.

Yoga? No kidding. I love yoga.

Have you ever tried the kind with the fruit on the bottom?

Come on in, Rhoda.

It's locked, Mary.

Armand!

It's only 7 .30. I thought our date was for 8 o 'clock.

Well, I know I'm a half hour early, but I had nothing to do and I figured I'd

rather do it here.

My apartment seems so empty now.

Since Nancy... moved out. And took all the furniture.

Well, I still have to get dressed, so just come in and make yourself at home.

You could read a magazine. Our reservation's at 315.

Where'd you finally decide we'd eat?

Well, I made reservations in four places.

Well, wherever you want to go.

I didn't make a reservation there.

Don't you remember me? I'm Rhoda Morgenstern.

Oh, yes. I didn't recognize you without my wife.

Nancy, huh? Yeah.

We're separated, you know. Oh, really?

That's too bad, Almond.

Hi, Rhoda.

Almond Linton. I know.

Mayor, the reason I came down is I want to show you something in your kitchen.

Excuse us. Certainly.

Well, you remember how you told me to send him a chain letter? He answered it.

In person.

Mary, you gotta be the only girl in the world who can send out a chain letter

and win a man.

I didn't want to win him.

Oh, well, good. Because a great -looking, separated man like that, Mary,

not go to waste. So if you'll excuse me. Uh, Rhoda!

What?

He's taking me to dinner.

Oh. And you don't want to go?

Well, it's his birthday.

Mary, I'm going to do something to you I've never done before.

I'm going to take him away from you.

Terrific. I'll help you. Good. That means I might have a chance.

Hi.

I'm looking for Mary Richards.

You would just tell her Roy Martoni. I'm an old friend.

about to go out. Just a minute. I'll be just a minute.

A minute?

Looks like he's moving in.

Roy Martoni, this is Rhoda Morgenstern. Roy Martoni. And I'm on Linton. Roy

Martoni. Roy Martoni. You just get into town?

How's that?

No, no, no, no. This is my line. I'm a salesman. What do you sell? Black

cardboard suitcases?

Roy sells encyclopedias.

Oh, no, no, Mary. I gave... that up. The samples were too heavy.

You know, Mary, sending me that chain letter was such a beautiful, generous

thing to do that I said to myself, how am I ever going to pay her back?

Well, and then it came to me. I'm going to show her what I've got in this cake.

Waterless cookware.

And this is an ordinary waterless cookware. This is thunderware.

Oh, gee, Mary, waterless.

You see, we're just on our way out to dinner. Listen, Mary, after you see me

demonstrate waterless thunderware, you'll never eat out again.

You want to know why? Because it's based on a totally new principle of cooking.

The flavor is sealed right in the pot.

Well, how long does this take? Brussels sprouts, about four minutes.

String beans, about two and a half, and carrots. I mean the demonstration.

Well, not long at all. You see, I'm all set up. Well, I really don't think we

can, Mary.

I'm all set up, Mayor.

All right, but please make it fast, huh? All right, wonderful. Why don't you all

just sit down, and Mary, why don't you just sit right over there?

Rhoda, sit there. Armand, it is Armand, isn't it? Yes, that's right. Why don't

you sit right there?

Okay.

Now, in the beginning, when the caveman was hungry and wanted food, he just

hit it over the head and ate it, right?

But then he invented what?

first utensils were large flat rocks, which when heated up became our first,

what?

Frying pan.

Pan came the ice age. I'll buy it.

What? I'll buy it.

But I'm not, I'm not done yet.

Yeah, he didn't even get up to the stainless steel age.

Look, we're all in kind of a hurry, so just tell me how much it is and we'll

leave. I'll get my coat.

Wonderful. Yeah, listen.

for 18 months. But if you want to put $25 down, it's $15 .46 for 12 months.

if you want a thrifty plan, it's $6 .57 for 36 months.

And how much would it be if I pay for the whole thing right now in cash?

Cash? Cash.

I have no idea.

You have no idea?

You see, we make our money on interest payments and loan charges.

If we took money, I think we'd lose money.

All right, I'll pay by the month. Oh, wonderful.

All you have to do is fill out a few of these forms.

All ready.

Now, on the back of page three, I want you to put down the names and addresses

of your employers for the last 12 years.

You know, I may be able to get some use out of this cookware. I'm just

separated, you know. Oh, well, then this set is wonderful for you. You know why?

Because it comes with a one -cup coffee maker.

Say, look, Mary, I just bought myself a birthday present.

Did I hear you say it's your birthday? Uh -huh. Thought that entitles you to a

free gift.

Here, I'm going to throw in a potato peeler.

Thank you. Gee, I just can't wait to get started using all this stuff.

But, uh, Mary and I have a date. You're, uh, leaving?

Oh, no, no. Listen, Armand, why wait?

I'm sure everybody here is anxious to see your new thunderwear in action.

Action, right?

Right you are, Mayor Armand. Wouldn't you like a good home -cooked meal

of going out?

Well, yeah, I sure would. I haven't had a good home -cooked meal since... Nancy

moved out? Yeah, took all the dishes.

Well, listen, I don't think I have enough food in my refrigerator, but you

can go to the market. Oh, now, wait a minute. You don't have to, because I've

got a roast in the car.

Oh, that's great. How much do you want for it? Oh, no charge.

It's a demonstrator.

full of groceries in the car.

You know what? I want to show you fellas how to use this, because if you don't

use it right, it can explode.

Let me give you a hand with that. I love the exercise. Oh, that's wonderful.

The car is parked right out front.

The gray package. Gray.

Say, ladies, I don't want to step on anybody's toes, especially on the toes

fella that size, but which one of you is with him?

Me.

Well, well.

Good morning.

Has the mail come in yet?

Ted, we just came in. No mail yet. Why don't you give up, Ted? You're not going

to get any money from that chain letter.

What makes you think I'm waiting for money from the chain letter? I could be

waiting for my fan mail, you know. Either way, you're going to be

Looks like I've struck gold.

Little green baccarina.

Didn't think it would work, eh? Well, this is only the beginning. There's more

where this came from.

Uh, Ted, I don't think there's more where this came from. Where'd it come

From you.

It's your letter. When you mailed it in, you forgot to put a stamp on it.

Oh, yeah?

How much did you guys make?