Original subtitles

Who can turn the world on with her smile?

Who can take a nothing day and suddenly make it all seem worthwhile?

Well, it's you, girl, and you should know it.

With each glance and every little movement you show it. Love is all

need to waste it. You can never tell, why don't you take it?

You're gonna make it after all.

You're gonna make it after all.

Will you see that this is

on the six o 'clock news, Mary, please?

and I'd better see him right away.

Well, is he in?

Uh, no, Ted. He isn't in.

I'll wait in his office, then. Well, Ted, I... Thought you said he wasn't in.

She was right. I'm out.

Just a minute, Lou.

There's something I want to discuss with you that's very serious.

All right, Ted. What is it?

Some idiot parked his car in my parking space.

And I'm pretty teed off about it, Lou.

I know what you mean, Ted.

Some idiot was parked in my space this morning, too.

What did you do about it? I parked in your space.

Lou, there's a note on your windshield.

I'll go down first and tear it up for you.

Oh, thanks.

Yeah.

We've got just one hour to eat lunch, rent a bed, and get back to work.

Rent a bed?

Yeah, my mother called from New York. She's coming to visit me. Oh, how nice.

Nice is when your mother comes to visit you.

Well, it'll be nice to see your mother again. She's fun.

Fun? Well, I mean, I like her.

Well, I like her too, Mary.

But I like her better person to person than in person. Oh.

Why do you automatically assume... that your mother's visit is going to turn out

to be a disaster?

I have to, Mayor.

It's one of the few sure things I can count on in life.

Come on, Brody. You love your mother and you know it. Of course I love her.

I just think she's holding a grudge because I didn't go into the profession

picked out for me.

Housewife.

My mother. She's here.

Hey, Mayor.

Does this look real?

Oh, come on.

Let me look at you.

You know, it's really terrific to see you. It's terrific to see you, too.

I'm really happy you're here, Ma.

Don't worry, I'm leaving soon.

What do you mean you're leaving? I'm going to a hotel. I see you already have

house guest.

I rented this bed for you.

Oh, you shouldn't have done that. Why not?

Well, you never know who had it last.

Mary, you look so slim and trim.

Oh. And Rhoda.

Well, listen, I think I really should be leaving. No, no, no, you stay right

here now. Don't you want to know why I came all the way to Minneapolis?

Well, of course I do. Good, good, good. Well, now, you know, every year, Martin

and I, uh, that's my husband, Martin. You know, Rhoda's father.

Yes. Well, every year, Martin and I go on a vacation to the Poconos. Oh. Oh,

nice. Martin hates the polka dots.

Oh. So this year, we both had a great time.

I went by myself.

Oh, well, sometimes that turns out to be the best kind of vacation after all. I

remember one year, my mother and father... Mary, I haven't quite finished

story yet.

Oh, well, no, go ahead.

Well, when you go to a resort alone, they sit you in the dining room at what

they call the singles table. Aha.

Yes, I know that table. So, I met this most marvelous single man who's

of something, and he is so good -looking, and, well, we spent the week

Ma, he sounds perfect.

Does Pop know about this?

Rhoda, he's 34 years old. What I came out here for was to tell you that he is

absolutely perfect for her.

Perfect for me? Oh, Mrs.

Morgenstern, you shouldn't have.

Ma!

Perfect man, not perfect for me.

Rhoda, you don't understand.

He's not, uh... You know.

No, I don't know.

He's not, uh... Jewish.

You can say he's not Jewish in front of Mary?

She's not Jewish either.

That's why he's perfect for her.

Mom, I hate to be the one to break this to you, but I have seriously dated guys

who weren't.

No, you haven't.

Yes, I have. Really, Mary.

Mrs.

Forkenstern, I really appreciate your taking an interest in me and all, but,

know, with Rhoda being my best friend and all, I feel sort of... Well, it's

to know how to put it. Well, I know how to put it. Ma, you're not done being my

mother. Now...

Finish driving me crazy before you start branching out.

Well, look, I know you two have a lot to talk about. Oh, no, no, no, no, Mary.

We're finished talking.

Apparently, someone here thinks I've done something wrong. Lucky it happened

early in my visit, so I'm not totally unpacked yet. Oh, Mrs. Morgan. You can

send back the bed. I'm sure if you call now, they'll give you a refund.

But, Ma, if you just... I thought just this once I'd come out and we wouldn't

get on each other's nerves, but I see I'm wrong. Ma, I'm sorry. No, no, Ma.

Please, please.

Ma, would you stop?

Ma! But, Ma, you're packing my clothes!

You wear such a revealing nightgown.

I give up.

Mary, what's the matter with us?

Nothing, nothing.

Ma, it's no big deal. Come on, now. Plenty of people fight with their

Who? Brenda.

Arnold. You leave your brother and sister out of this.

You're a... As a matter of fact, I'm going out with him again tonight.

Hang on, Mother, will you? There's someone at the door.

Who is it?

Just me and her daughter.

Hi. Hi.

We've just been out doing a little shopping.

Oh, well, that must have been fun.

For a hairnet.

Listen, just make yourselves at home. I'm talking to my mother.

Hi. So, where was I?

Ah, yes, I'm going out with him again tonight.

And he's...

Hang on, Mother.

Rhoda wants to know if you'd like a cold drink.

Oh, that would be very nice. Thank you. Tell her I'm going to get it.

I heard.

Listen, I would really like you to meet him.

Maybe the four of us can go out to dinner next week, huh?

Great, I'd like that. It'd be fun.

Okay, I'll be talking to you, Mom. Bye -bye.

That was your mother?

Yeah. You talk like that to your mother.

My, that's lovely.

What do you mean? Well, it sounded like you were talking to a friend.

Oh, well, you know, we are friends.

Friends? Sure. Just like you and Rhoda are friends.

So, tell me about your shopping trip.

Don't we have lovely stores here in Minneapolis?

Oh, yes.

And we went to every one of them.

Thirty stores.

So what did you buy?

Lunch.

I'll bet you and your mother have a good time when you go shopping, don't you,

Mary? Well, no.

We have completely different tastes, and she likes to browse, and I like to just

get in and out in a hurry. Actually, we just end up getting on each other's

nerves. Oh, that sounds like fun.

Hi. Hi.

I bet you were right. That was Mrs.

Morgenstern. Hi.

Well, I bet the last time I saw you, I bet you were just about that high.

I couldn't have grown that much.

Well, maybe I was standing at the time.

You've got these neat dresses today. Aren't they the darliest things you ever

saw? They're mother -daughter dresses.

How does your husband look in his?

We don't want to be late for the young people's concert.

We still have to decide what to wear.

Why don't you wear your young people's concert mother -daughter dresses?

Stephanie here has the most wonderful concerts for children.

No, Mary, this is a real young people's concert. It's the eighth grade band at

Beth's school.

Beth plays first trumpet.

There is only one trumpet.

That's because you play so well, dear.

Well, Phyllis, I'd better go change. Bye, everyone. Bye, dear.

She calls you Phyllis?

That's the kind of relationship we have.

Easy, honest, open, wonderful.

That, too.

For the past two years, I've been teaching a course showing mothers how to

relate to their children.

Isn't that a ceramics class you teach? They think it's a ceramics class.

Hey, Mayor, could you give me a hand with something? Yeah, sure. What do you

need? Your hands.

I have to carry a sheet of plywood out of my car upstairs and put it under my

mother's mattress.

Sure. I need the support for my back. Oh, but don't go to any bother.

I'd be very happy to make up the floor.

Wouldn't work, Ma.

It's a very soft floor.

That's dumb awful.

Oh, I forgot.

You're related. I'm sorry.

Oh, I don't know. It seems to me that Rhoda and I don't have anything to say

each other.

But you, you seem to be such good friends with your little Bess. Well, I

And Mary and her mother.

How do you do it, Phyllis?

You really want to know?

Well, I don't want to be any bother.

Oh, Ida. Oh, it's no bother. Believe me, Ida.

Why don't you come with me? I have some books downstairs, and I'll be glad to

give them to you. They explain everything you need to know, and what

explain, I'll explain.

Well, I'd sure like to be friends with Rhoda. Well, it's never too late, Ida.

Well, unfortunately, the only thing Rhoda and I have in common is her

I'd like to, but I'm having lunch with Rhoda and Ida. Now, who's Ida?

Ida is this person who used to be Rhoda's mother who is now driving her

trying to be her friend.

She even went on a diet with Rhoda. She lost three pounds and Rhoda gained five.

You don't seem to be able to get together on anything.

You know, my mother was the same way. She could never seem to understand that

kids don't need parents for friends.

Luckily, she finally got the message.

How? When they wouldn't let her on my little league team.

Too bad, too.

That woman had a great arm.

Hi, guys.

Hi. Ted, what are you doing in so early? You don't go on for, what, five and a

half hours? Well, I'm doing a little moonlighting on daytime TV.

Gonna be a guest panelist on What's My Talent?

Panelist? You should be a contestant, Ted. No one would ever guess what your

talent is.

Wait a minute, Mary. You know, sometimes I don't know whether the things you say

are... Insults are compliments.

Oh, jeez.

I'd hate to think that you're taking all these things I say the wrong way.

They're not compliments.

Mary, hi.

Oh, hi, Mrs. Morgan Stern.

Well, what a nice big office you've got here.

Oh, well, no, I just have this little desk here. Oh, well, what a nice little

desk in such a big office.

Gee, you look great. Oh, do you like it? I bought it this morning.

Rhoda not here?

No. I can't wait to tell her I lost three more pounds on her diet.

Oh, she'll be thrilled.

Listen, why don't you just sit down and make yourself comfortable? I've got to

take this down to the mail room.

By the time I get back, Rhoda should be here and we'll all go to lunch. I'm

looking forward to it. As a matter of fact, I'm going to break my diet for

lunch.

whether you want a cream or sugar show, I just put it black.

I could have added the cream and sugar, but if I would have put it in, I

couldn't get it out. Hello.

You work here?

No, I'm Rhoda's mother.

Oh, she work here?

No, I'm Rhoda's Mary's friend.

Uh -huh, at last, somebody who works here.

Where is she?

Mary? Oh, she'll be back in a few minutes. She's back in the mailing room,

mailing some...

doesn't she?

Uh -huh.

I know you're busy because Mary's told me how hard you work, too.

I try.

Say, it's a nice little office you've got. Ah, look!

Miss, will you please... Oh, Mrs.

Morgenstern. I, uh, see you've met.

Yes, we've met.

Well, uh, we'd better be leaving.

Oh,

I'm awfully glad I got a chance to meet you.

Mary's told me so much about you, how considerate you are and how

It was very nice meeting you, Murray.

Why, he's a pleasant person, isn't he? Oh, he certainly is.

Ah, Murray.

I'd like you to meet Rhoda's mother, Mrs. Morgan Stern, Murray Slaughter. I'm

very happy to meet you.

Thank you.

Well, there are a lot of Murrays around here, aren't there?

Well, no, actually, that wasn't a Murray in there. That was my boss, Mr. Grant.

Oh, I didn't realize. I should go and apologize.

No, no, no.

this morning.

Bye.

Fine for dessert.

Phyllis, you sure you want to stay and have some dessert with us? Oh, no, no,

no. No, thank you, Mary.

Beth and I are having dinner out together before we go to the theater.

Together. Together.

You do everything together, don't you? They sure do.

Phyllis is the only grown -up ever to graduate Rosewood Avenue Grammar School.

I'm sure, Ida, that you took just as active an interest in your daughter's

schooling as I do in my little Beth's.

Well, I would have visited Rhoda's school more often, but I was afraid to

alone in that neighborhood.

Bobby, anybody?

Yeah, I'd love some, Mayor.

Phyllis, we'd better go now so we won't miss the play.

What are you seeing?

Here.

It's all right.

It's a benefit for the PTA. They're doing the nude scene with their clothes

Well,

I hope you don't get raided. I'd hate to see Bess's picture splashed all over

the front page of the Weekly Reader.

Just us three girls?

Ma, the only girl in this room just left.

Miss Morgenstern, cream and sugar?

One sugar, please.

How about you, Rhoda? Are you taking sugar in your coffee? I'm just going to

my wine in it.

Well, we got all the way through dinner and nobody even mentioned my pantsuit.

Oh, I noticed it. It's lovely.

Yeah, Ma, that's what's different about you. You never wore pants before.

I mean, literally, that is.

Know what else is different about me?

I'm not wearing a bra.

Ma, go upstairs and put some clothes on.

Rhoda, I can't believe you'd tell a friend to go change just because she's

it. You're not with it.

You're without it. Now go upstairs and change.

Mary, what do you think of that?

Uh, well, actually, I, uh... You listen to Mary. She knows.

Ma, please.

A few days ago, when you were my mother, You used to drive me a little crazy.

Okay, then Phyllis gets a hold of you and you become my best friend.

If I had a choice, I would rather be driven crazy by my mother than by a

complete and total stranger in a pantsuit and no bra.

It was a lovely dinner. Thank you, Mary.

I'm sorry I can't stand help with the dishes, but perhaps I'll be coming back

Minneapolis again sometime.

Ma, Ma, please wait.

Okay, I'll be your friend.

You mean it?

Yeah, I mean it.

We'll be like roommates.

Oh, well, then.

What are three girls going to do tonight?

Well, I'd love to join you, but I have a date.

Oh, what about you, Ro?

I have a date, too.

Oh.

Well, have a good time.

You know, this being friends is going to take a great weight off of both of us.

I mean, in the old days, when you said you were going out, I would have said...

Who is he?

What does he do for a living? Yeah, what's his family like?

Where are you going? Yeah, but those are all mother questions.

Friend doesn't ask those questions.

Does she?

Uh, I don't know.

Uh -huh.

Well, what time is he picking you up?

Oh, he's not picking me up. I'm picking him up.

We're driving up to the mountains. He has this cabin.

I should be home by Thursday.

testing.

getting ready for bed, but, uh, come on in. Huh, thank you.

Is, uh, anything matter?

No, I just can't sleep. I guess my body's still in New York time.

It's not late for you to be up, isn't it?

Well, no, I was out on a date.

Oh, did you see Rhoda?

She was out there on a date, too.

Uh, no, I didn't. Uh, isn't she home yet?

Gee, I don't know. I didn't see her up there.

Oh, well, that's pretty hard to miss her up there in that small room, so...

Well, I don't go around keeping tabs on my friends.

What'd you do on your date?

Oh, we just, uh, show, uh, watched a new group at the Embers, you know.

Oh, my, you did all that in your home and undressed and ready for bed?

I wonder what Rhoda's ready for.

Mrs.

Morgenstern, I wouldn't worry about her.

Worry? Oh, I'm not worried. Okay, before I would have been worried, but now...

You don't know the name of her date, do you?

Uh,

no. He's somebody new.

Well,

I guess Rodan, that mysterious stranger, out there parked somewhere.

Mrs. Morgenstern, I don't think people do that anymore.

No? What do they do? Oh, don't tell me.

Hey, you know something?

It gets awfully dark here in Minneapolis.

Morgenstern. Ida.

Ida. Listen, there is probably nothing to worry about, but...

If it would make you feel better to worry, why don't you just let yourself

and worry?

Worry? Why should I worry?

I didn't worry when you came in at 12 .57.

Oh, Mary, I'm keeping you up. I think I'm... Yes?

Do you have a cold drink? I think I'm thirsty.

Hi. Have you seen my mother? Yeah. Oh, hi!

of milk. Ida.

Mrs. Morgenstern. I came home. She wasn't there, so I got worried.

Yeah, well, you're not the only one who was worried. Your mother was. I was not.

You were.

Rhoda, you shouldn't go around worrying your friend like that.

Which friend? You or her?

She's right, Ma.

You're the one who was worried. What makes you so sure?

Because you hate milk.

Hey, look, Ma, you've been a swell friend, but I really need a mother.

Oh, Mrs.

Morgenstern, did you hear that? I heard, I heard. No, hold it, girls. No

emotions. It's nothing touching.

I just need a mother right now, once right up. What for?

Because all night long, I have been out with Super Letch.

Which was okay, because I knew when he brought me home, I could say, I'm sorry,

you can't come in. My mother's staying with me.

So when we got to the door, he says, prove it. So I opened the door, and no

mother.

Is he still up there? Uh -huh.

such a good time, I thought it was too.

Hey, Rhoda, this bed doesn't seem to want to fold up. I wouldn't pay them the

full price.

Ah, here's the trouble.

That's the best board I ever had. I think I'll take it with me. Ma, wait a

minute. You've got a great board at home.

If I was going home, I wouldn't need it, but I'm going to visit your sister in

Chicago. Would you tell her she can't get this board in an airplane?

Would you tell her if you can get it in a car, you can get it in an airplane?