Original subtitles

How will you make it on your own?

This world is awfully big. Girl, this time you're all alone.

But it's time you started living.

It's time you let someone else do some giving.

Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have a town, why don't you take

it?

You might just make it after long.

You might just make it.

Things a little slow today, Murr? Yeah.

How would you like an exclusive story?

I'd love it.

My fan club is having its annual Ted Baxter Bridge Tournament tonight.

Oh, that's exclusive, all right.

Last year, they couldn't find a fourth.

Mary, would you like to play?

Oh, gee, Ted, I would. I'd like to, but I've got an ad from my hometown coming

in, and I'm going to take her to dinner and a movie.

Well, why don't you bring her to a TV show?

Well, I don't... I don't think there are a lot of famous TV shows done here in

Minneapolis. Wait a minute, Mary. I think you're missing Ted's point.

I think she'd find it inspiring to watch a top -flight newscaster in action.

I mean, not just reading the news, but the inside stuff.

Wardrobe, makeup, the way I make that fist before I go on.

You know, all that inside stuff.

Mary, did you finish that letter? Oh, yes, sir. I'll get it for you.

What are you doing here?

Just trying to keep up the troops' morale, Lou.

Incredible. Here it is, Mr. Grant.

Oh, thanks. Fix me a drink, will you?

Can't fix his own drink. I'm not a bartender.

What'd you say?

Oh, nothing.

the country, the names of the generals, etc.

Yes,

I know. I'm going home and change my dress before I meet my aunt.

You better. You smell like a distillery.

A great distillery.

Mary, did you just call for help? Yes.

What is it? What's the matter?

My clothes.

Oh, I see what you mean.

You smell like you've been dancing with Dean Martin.

No.

Not these clothes. Those clothes. My closet.

Oh. Is it safe? Yes. Mary?

I heard you yell for help. I would have come sooner, but I had something in the

oven. What's wrong?

There's nothing in Mary's closet. There's nothing in Mary's closet.

Where are your clothes?

Gone. Everything in the closet is gone.

Mary, call the police. You're right. I've got to call the police.

I'm going to take you in here in a hurry. My poor aunt is waiting for me on

street corner.

Hey, Mary, let me handle this. If you want the cops fast, I can get them here

fast for you. Great.

I feel to know that there was some stranger in here breathing heavily and

at my things with his hairy arms.

How do you know he's got hairy arms? Oh, I just know.

What did he take, Mary? Everything. All of my clothes. Everything. Even my brand

new cape that I haven't finished paying for yet.

Oh, Mary, it won't do any good to get angry with him. Criminals are

misunderstood enough to begin with. Yeah.

Stealing my cape is not going to help him in his quest for understanding.

that and it's really been true?

Hey, I'll loan you something. Mary, you can borrow a dress from me. Oh, thank

you. You are both so thoughtful. Yes, Rhoda, that's very thoughtful of you,

dear, but Mary and I have the same taste. Good.

You made a phone call?

I did not. Who made the phone call? She dialed. Well, who lives here? She lives

downstairs. She lives upstairs.

You can put the guns away because about the phone call, actually, we were just

kidding about the gunman part. You were kidding about a gunman? Hey, fellas,

let's look at the positive side.

True, there's no gunman, but there was a robbery.

If there was no gunman, why did you say there was a gunman? She wanted you to

come quickly.

What else do you girls do for laughs?

Turn in false alarms?

Oh, that's me.

Over here. I mean, I wasn't drinking it. I just spilled it on my person.

Would you like to see the scene of the crime?

Tully, see what's missing?

Is it right in here? Yeah, check.

Officer.

I'm Phyllis Lindstrom, and I'm aware that all over the country there is

controversy concerning the police.

I just want...

an open mind.

That's nice.

Jackson, there's certainly a lot missing in that closet.

Oh? Can I have your name, please? Yes, sir. It's Mary Richards, and I am the

E.

I wrote a mortgage, sir. I'm her friend.

Officer Tully.

would like to sit down, I'd like to ask Miss Richards exactly what happened.

Miss Richards, exactly what happened?

I was wrong.

Somebody came into my apartment and stole all of my clothes.

And my TV.

At least they didn't take your records. That's right, that's right. At least

they did not take my records.

But they took my stereo.

Oh, gee, that's too bad.

What time did this happen? I don't know.

while I was at work.

Oh, then you weren't robbed.

I wasn't? You're burglarized.

Uh -huh.

That's a relief.

Officers, continue your questioning. Mary, I'm going to get you a dress. I'll

get you a better one.

When did you first realize that there was a robbery?

A burglary.

When I came home about ten minutes ago and looked in my closet and noticed that

there was nothing in it. Is there anyone you suspect?

No. Jackson, no suspects.

This next question that I am going to ask you, you may think it's a very

personal type of question, but for those of us who have taken the exam to be a

detective, as we know, it has to be asked.

Does anyone else have a key to your apartment?

I didn't think so.

Jackson, there's something very intriguing about this case.

Yeah, I wonder what.

Leave the detecting to the detectives.

I want to talk to you for a minute. Yeah, excuse me.

Be brave.

You always have to put me down in front of people.

Only when you start acting like Ironsides. You're acting like Ironsides.

I do hate to seem to be rushing things, but I really have to get going. Just be

a few more minutes. Jackson, why don't you check the window sash over there?

Harry! Here's a dress for you. It's brand new. Never been worn.

Oh, Phil.

Here it is, ma 'am. It has 10 ,000 miles on it, but it's just back from the

cleaners.

That's the brace, Phil.

Tully, come on.

Wait a second. Would you wait a second? I want to see how she looks in it.

Officer Tully, you know, Beth, that's my daughter.

Oh, Officer Jackson should be here. He would appreciate this.

Beth came home from school the other day and she said, the policeman is our

friend.

That's very nice.

I'll tell Officer Jackson.

You know what I said to Beth?

I said, Beth, you are absolutely right.

Gives you an idea of the fantastic conversations they have.

One thing's good.

Mary won't have to worry about being robbed again.

Oh, that's...

That's not necessarily true. You see, many times they come back to the same

place. Do me a favor. Don't tell Mary that.

I heard.

Is that true?

Oh, you look terrific. That's a great color for you. Thank you. Is that true

what you said, that they sometimes come back?

Oh, seldom. Very seldom. And if you need any help, just... You know, call and

ask for 1636.

All right. Extension 1636. No, no.

Badge 1636.

Badge. I don't have an extension.

Nice meeting you, girls. Yeah, Tully. We'll have to do this again sometime.

Thank you.

I hope your aunt doesn't think that's a maternity dress.

Thank you for giving me the extra half hour. I think I got some really good

dresses.

Anything big happening around here?

Nothing. The biggest story of the day is that somebody talked at the Paris peace

talks.

Boy, you know, I never realized what a hassle being robbed could be. The man at

the insurance agency acted as though he thought I did it. Did you settle a claim

yet? Yeah. I signed yesterday and got the check today for about 20 % of what

clothes were worth.

Well, at least they paid off quickly.

Yes. and then they canceled my policy.

That figures.

They love you as long as you never have a claim.

Hey, Mayor, did you buy some new clothes?

Oh, yes.

Oh, I bought a sport coat that color.

Brings out my eyes.

Which one, the blue or the pink?

Start writing. Red China just signed a mutual defense pact with Albania.

Albania? That's the capital of New York, isn't it?

to go watch a show on educational television.

Sesame Street.

It reminds me, there's some really great television on tonight.

And I won't be able to watch it. They stole my TV.

You can come over to our place and watch it. Oh, thanks, Murray. No, I guess

I'll just stay home and have a good time listening to my records.

No.

No, I'll just stay home and have a good time cleaning my oven.

will not do you any good?

Well, being calm didn't do me any good either.

Everything will be all right.

You coward.

We'll need a list of what's missing.

Everything.

A pattern's beginning to emerge.

Yes.

I think he's about finished.

Well, you still have your lamp, your sofa, and that M thing.

Hey, wait a minute, fellas. If this kid gets hit again, the Red Cross is going

to have to come in with coffee and donuts.

Hi. I saw the police car downstairs and I wondered what happened.

Oh, Mary, your apartment. Oh, I know.

You.

It's your job to protect innocent citizens from...

Phyllis.

Did you notice any strange people around here today?

Just the usual.

Wait a second.

Wait a second. As I was leaving for my Esperanto class, I saw a big truck

right out in front. I didn't think anything about it at the time. Can you

describe this big truck?

Yes, officer. It was a...

Chuck. Big.

Phyllis, please try, because the only hope I have of getting my things back is

if you can remember. So, Phyllis, if you could. It was blue.

Good. Good.

Or was it green?

I don't know. I didn't see it.

I guess it was blue -green.

Sort of an off -blue -green.

Not unlike the color of my new hostess gown.

Why don't you give them a swatch?

Was there anything else you noticed besides the blue -green?

Uh, that, uh, and the license number. The license number?

You wrote down the license number? That's terrific.

Oh, no, I didn't write it down. I remembered it. You remembered all those

numbers, all those letters. I just have one of those mine.

She does. She has one of those mine. All right, all right. What's the number?

B -B -7.

Seven. Seven, seven, seven, seven.

I'll put in an alert for this big truck.

Jackson, put in an alert for that big truck.

A major clue.

You know, to have a license plate and the color.

We're really making headway. Officer Tully, I want to apologize for acting so

emotionally before, and you're doing a great job. Thank you. Thank you. Well,

you know, when you're studying to be a detective, you kind of get a sixth sense

for these things.

Hey, Mary, you know what you need, kid? A good night's sleep. Why don't you stay

up at my place tonight?

You're perfectly welcome to sleep at my place. Or even stay at... Don't say it.

Uh, I am on duty here.

Why can't my partner learn to use the horn? You know what I mean? Just a

beep, that's all you need.

Oh, I just, I can't forget the old superstition about...

Bad things coming in threes.

I walked into my apartment last night. I looked everywhere, even the

refrigerator. Well, a little bit of paranoia is a character developer.

I haven't slept more than a couple of hours the last few days.

I keep thinking he's going to come back and steal my sofa, too.

Oh, look, Mayor.

I don't know if you can use any of this. We've had it around for quite a while.

Oh, Mary. They're practically antiques. Now, this is an alarm clock, and it's so

old it has Roman numerals. And here's a waffle iron in case you have any waffles

you want to iron.

Murray,

that's so sweet. Thank you.

Well, it was all Marie's idea.

Morning, Murray.

Morning, Lou.

Morning, Mr. Grant. Murray.

I don't like the coffee it makes.

Look at this. This card has never been used. He went out and bought it for me.

Well, don't tell anyone. You'll ruin his image.

Hi -ho, everyone.

I think you can quit worrying. The third bad thing just happened.

A little something to help you rebuild, Mayor. It's for your kitchen.

Oh, Ted.

It's an ice crusher. Oh, Ted, that's sensational. You know, I've always

an ice crusher, but it...

It's the kind of thing you never think to go out and buy for yourself.

Thank you.

Is it electric or manual?

All right, so it isn't one of those big electric fancy ones. What's wrong with

that? Calling that an ice crusher is like giving someone a match and calling

a barbecue.

Here, Mary, I'll show you how it works.

You put an ice cube in your hand here, see? And then you strike it like this

and... Voila!

I've always wanted to know what voila meant, and now I know.

It means I've got a handful of crushed ice.

You're some joker.

Thank you, Ted.

The last of the big spenders. Oh, come on. It's the thought that counts. I

and he has cheap thoughts.

Newsroom, Mary Richards.

Uh, Larry?

Larry, Larry.

Larry Tully, Officer Larry Tully.

Well, I'm fine, thanks.

You did?

I'll be right there. Goodbye.

That was my policeman.

Officer Mary Tully. They think they got the guy who did the robbery. I have to

go down to the police station. Gee, that's great.

Well, now that you know the guy's been caught, maybe you won't be so nervous.

Oh, come on, Murray. I was never really nervous.

Tully said if you got here before, I'm to wait. Would you like a magazine?

Oh, thank you very much.

Uh, don't you look like a nice fella?

Wanted for murder, assault, and armed robbery.

Triple threat.

You just can't tell anything about anybody by looking at them.

You know what I do every morning?

Get up and go over to the park and sit on a bench.

Ever since I was a little kid, I've seen old men sitting on park benches.

It's kind of boring, but I figure it's my obligation.

That's very nice.

What are you here for?

Robbery. Really?

No,

I was robbed.

Burglarized.

That's bad.

A lot of that going around.

Especially in my apartment.

Happened to me twice.

I've been mugged 13 times.

Well, you certainly don't look it. Oh, I guess I'm just mugged prone.

Of course, hanging around the park doesn't help.

You'd think those muggers would go to a nicer neighborhood so they could make a

better living.

Tell me, have you ever been to one of these identifications before?

Thirteen times.

You just go in that room over there and they line the guys up.

It's better than sitting on a park bench.

Well,

I'm going to have a pretty difficult time identifying this man.

How come? I've never seen him before.

That'll make it tough, all right.

Hi. Hi.

Oh, hi, Gary.

Hi.

Well, what do you think? How do you like it?

What?

Congratulations, you made detective.

No, it's just a new suit.

Oh, well, you certainly should be a detective.

Thank you.

Do I have to see the burglar?

No. Oh, good.

One thing.

Did he have hairy arms?

Yes. I knew it.

No, we just want you to identify some of your things.

You got my things back?

Oh, we think so.

How did you do it? That's terrific.

Well, I...

Jackson and I had just come on duty, and we were cruising when we spotted the

truck. And you recognized it from Phyllis' description?

No, they had changed the license plate, but there was still something suspicious

about it. They were trying to make people think they were one of those

groups. Well, that certainly was pretty tricky of them, wasn't it? Well, it

would have been, except for the name they had printed on the truck.

The Salvation Navy.

Stupid, stupid people.

Well, I think you did a wonderful job. Thank you.

You know, this man is a wonderful policeman. He really should be made

Yeah, I'll see what I can do.

He's the same rank as I am. Forget and get the receipts for everything she

takes. Right. My TV set.

Your alleged TV set. And my alleged clothes.

Oh, great. The rest of the stuff is down at the warehouse.

Oh. Hello, Miss Richards.

Oh, hello, Officer Jackson.

Did Officer Tully tell you you'll have to leave one of your dresses for

evidence?

No. Oh, yes.

Here. No, no, that's my favorite. I want to wear that tomorrow.

All right, take this one.

You know, I like that one. Do you like that one?

I'm sorry to startle you.

I just came up to get my dress. I need it for tonight.

How did you get in?

Oh, well, I used my nail file.

Mary, your lock is really easy to pick.

No wonder you get knocked over so often.

Bill, couldn't you have waited until I got home?

Well, I didn't know how late you'd be. Lars and I are going to the SCARD

convention.

Bill, what is SCARD?

SCARD. S -C -A -R -D.

Uh -huh. SCARD.

The Society of Concerned and Responsible Dermatologists.

Lars is speaking on the social implications of dandruff. Oh, that

sounds exciting.

Would you like to come, Mary? I've got an extra ticket. No, no, no. I've got a

date. Well, I'll get you two tickets.

It's a double date.

Well, I'll get you four tickets.

Actually, Phil, the four of us are going to a large dinner party. Mary, if you

really want them, I can scrape up 50 tickets.

Still, there are 52 of us. So, have a good time.