Original subtitles

How will you make it on your own?

This world is awfully big.

Girl, this time you're all alone.

But it's time you started living.

It's time you let someone else do some giving.

Love is all around, no need to waste it. You can have a town, why don't you take

it?

You might just make it after long You

might just make it

One in the morning. Thank goodness Mr. Grant told us not to come in till noon

today. Oh, did you say you wanted bacon? Bacon? No. No, just a hard -boiled egg.

Just a 70 -calorie hard -boiled egg for old Tubbo.

Well, maybe a little dried toast.

With some butter on it.

Do I smell jam?

Ladies and gentlemen, the dieter.

Mary, I'm entitled to break my diet a little. I've been good all day.

It's 10 .30 a .m.

Who is it?

It's Phyllis. Why is it always Phyllis when I'm in a good mood?

The skin doctor game.

Dermatology. You know how it is there, hectic and crazy.

Oh, the wonderful, wacky world of bad skin.

Mary, I cannot tell you how satisfying it is to be working again.

Most people would say, fellas, you have everything. What more could you possibly

want? And I say, well, it's just not enough for me. I mean, being a model

and a perfect mother.

time believing in us all.

I have to go to the hairdressers.

Don't you have to be at the office? How can you have your hair done?

Mary, it's for those patients. I'm doing this.

I feel if I look my best, it gives them hope.

Something to shoot for.

You know I love her. I really do.

But what is it about her? I don't know, but I'll tell you something.

She keeps on the way she's going. She's going to give overbearing, aggressive

women a bad name.

A little commercial billing.

me to pick up her phones while she's out to lunch.

What lunch, Mary? You know, it's been so long, I've forgotten.

Hey, Mary, can I say something to you? I know, I know what you're going to say,

that I am working too hard and I mustn't let it upset me. And you're right, I

won't. I wasn't going to say that.

I was going to say, would you pull the picture file? I need a shot of Neil

Armstrong to go with his story.

Sure.

Oh, hey, let me help you.

That's an alphabetical order.

You take the last names of the most important persons in the picture.

Oh, this one's tough.

Who have you got?

The president and Joe Namath.

Oh, those two -hour Mexican lunches really take it out of you.

I think I'll go to my dressing room and have a little fiesta.

Something like a little napperino to pick you up.

Okay, everybody stop working for a minute.

Now, the program manager is so impressed with the way we muddle through a half

hour of news that he's expanding the show to a full hour.

That means a little more work from each of us, for those who consider twice as

much a little more.

I want you all to think about how we're going to fill that extra half hour.

I'd like to propose that we double the airtime of this fellow right here.

Thanks, Ted. That'll give me two whole minutes to do the weather.

Say no more, Gordo. You don't have to tell me. You and I speak the same

language.

Right on.

Mary,

I want you to give top priority to filling that extra half hour.

Mr. Grant, I figure that if I skip lunches and work overtime for the next

weeks, I could maybe catch up to where I was a month ago.

Which was? Three weeks behind.

There's a little extra money for all of us. It's not much. No, no, Mr. Grant,

the little extra money is not going to help me get this work done. I'm an

assistant. What I need is an assistant.

You need it? Sure.

Call personnel and tell them you need somebody. Tell them you can pay $82 .57

week. Uh, Mr. Grant, where did you get that figure?

That was the little extra money for all of us.

Do you want me to do this to your dresses, this midi thing? Yeah.

Oh, I just hate it. Of course you do. You've got good legs.

I live in the world of fashion. I do what all the magazines tell me to do.

You know, I wore a hard hat for a week before I realized the magazine was

Popular Mechanics.

That was a joke. You're supposed to laugh.

Oh, I'm sorry. I just thought I've got problems down at the office. Well,

if I don't find somebody to help me with all the extra work, I'm going to go

right out of my mind.

An assistant?

Yeah, helping with some work on the show.

Why don't you just shorten her legs?

So how about me for the job?

Well, you're already working for Lars, and I need somebody right now, so I'm

available.

Lars got a little upset at something I did, and he gave me the old sack.

What did you do? Oh, it was nothing. Come on, it must have been something.

these patients sitting there in his office so i uh treated a few of them so

i said uh i'm available phyllis uh look about the job you you wouldn't be

interested in it i mean you don't know all the dumb things you'd have to do i

mean it's just it's all typing and filing and boring there are no small

only small people but phyllis you're not small enough for this job mary don't

i'll do something else

Somebody's got to want me.

Oh, I don't know.

Phyllis!

Mary, forget it.

I don't go anyplace I'm not wanted.

Okay. Oh, boy, Phyllis, okay, all right. You want to try it for, let's say, a

week? Okay, all right, I'll try it for two weeks.

Oh, it'll be fun. A real challenge. I'm sure it will be.

You know, it's kind of cute. What?

I was just thinking it's cute, that's all. Yeah?

I mean that I have my master's degree.

Yes. And you left college after two years. And I'm your assistant.

Just cute.

And I'm telling you, Lou, it wasn't easy in those days, those early days.

Wild -eyed kid with a dream.

Dream to be an anchorman.

Grabbing at Lady Luck.

Running around.

Reaching for the stars. Ted, your life story has been going on for a half hour

now.

And we're just up to August 1953.

I mean, can you hurry up with a point?

It's like waiting for a sneeze.

Well, I guess I just got to reminiscing. And I think to myself, what did I do it

for? The money?

No.

The money was the least of it.

But then again, even though the money is the lease of it, now that we're going

to an hour... You want a raise, is that it?

No.

I wrote a figure on this pad.

Ted, I wrote two words on this pad.

I think there's a little room for negotiation between that figure and

words.

On the other hand, maybe not.

Phyllis, I am saying problem with your maid or no problem. This cannot happen

again an hour late. Mary, don't do it to yourself. Don't be a robot.

Tie down the schedules and clock.

Phyllis, for the time being, let's just say that I'm a robot, huh?

So this is the newsroom. Yeah, this is it.

Morning, Gordy. Hi, Mary Ellen. Oh, Gordy, I'd like you to meet Phyllis

Lindstrom, my new assistant. This is Gordy Howard, our weatherman.

Gordy, I just want to say one thing.

I'd love you to come over for dinner so we can really get to know each other.

I mean, as human beings.

Because we're going to be working together.

Yeah, uh -huh.

Gordy and I really hit it off.

to meet my new assistant, Phyllis Lindstrom. This is Murray Slaughter. How

you do, Murray? I'd love you to come over for dinner if you're not... Mary,

where have you been? Lou started yelling for you an hour ago, so I had to cover

for you. Oh, thank you. What did you tell him I was doing?

Hanging up your coat.

Well, Phyllis, here, sit down. You can use my desk for today.

Mary, it's not too important, but there is one thing.

What? Well, you've been calling me your assistant.

Yeah, well, I mean, that's what you are. I mean...

It's just a word, Phyllis. So is inferior just a word?

Well, is there another word that you would prefer?

Coworker.

Coworker. All right.

Finally found a hook for your coat, did you? Oh, yeah.

I'm very sorry.

The first day of our new production schedule and you show up an hour late.

I'm sure you have an absolutely great excuse.

Well, Mr. Grant, I... I'm waiting.

Hallie's comet hit her on her way over.

What? Oh, let's face it. She could lie or make up some fabulous excuse. Would

make her any more on time?

I leave it to you.

Mr. Grant, I would like you to meet my new co -worker, Phyllis Lindstrom. This

is Mr.

Grant.

You mean she works here? Yes.

Good.

You're fired.

just trying to be helpful in her own way.

Lou, if it'll make it up to you, I'll stay till, say, oh, say, six o 'clock?

Very. Phyllis, our normal quitting time is seven.

This should be an interesting day for you.

A sort of combination orientation and last chance.

Phyllis, this has to go into Mimeo tonight.

Phyllis? Oh, yes. What do you want me to do?

Well, all you have to do is just sort this stuff into two piles. The pink

and the blue sheets.

The pinks and the blues, the pinks and the blues. Kind of like little girl

babies and little boy babies.

Uh -huh. And?

That's it. That's it? Mm -hmm.

That's so boring.

Don't you have people who do that sort of thing?

Uh, yes.

person who does this sort of thing. You.

I know this doesn't rival working in a dermatologist's office. Mary, do you

the rubber stamp with my signature on it? I have to autograph these pictures.

Oh,

yes. Phyllis Lindstrom, my new co -worker. This is Ted Baxter.

Hi. Well, Ted Baxter.

How can I find the words?

I don't know.

thrilled and excited.

Yes, of course.

However, there is something I feel compelled to say. It has to do with the

impression you make on others and the tremendous impact you have on people and

how outrageously attractive you are.

Oh, I'm boring you.

You're not.

You're not. Close my heart. You're not. Go on.

But you frustrate them, Ted. You're strong.

You're too strong.

Almost...

You know you're the first one around here to recognize that.

Look, I have to go to the studio right now. What are you doing here?

Oh, just some stuff.

Come with me.

Uh, Phyllis, how's that stuff coming?

Uh, sorry, Mary, but I need this girl.

Uh, yeah, well, Ted, she's supposed to be doing the filing. Yeah, it's more

important things to contribute to this show than just filing some dumb blue

papers. Don't worry, Mary, I'll do it later.

Hi, Gordy.

Yeah, uh -huh.

Lou.

Lou.

Lou.

Please. Mary, I thought you hired Phyllis to do that.

Lou, I thought I hired Phyllis to do this, too, Murray.

Well, if she's not doing that, what is she doing?

Murray. This is popping you bent down. Ted doesn't like it. See what you can do

to perk it up. Perk it up? Phyllis.

Would you excuse Phyllis and me for just a minute, please?

Not on your life. I want to hang around and watch you explode.

Explode? Mary doesn't explode.

Yes, Mary does explode.

It's just that Mary has this long fuse, you see, and people think that they can

take advantage of her because she has this long fuse. But, Phyllis, every once

in a while, the fuse burns down.

And then it just... Let me understand this. You feel I'm taking advantage of

you, Phyllis?

Look, I gave you a job. You are supposed to be... Filing. Filing. You are not

supposed to be coming in here and telling... She's got me so crazy I can't

of your name.

Murray. Thank you, Murray.

You are not supposed to be coming in here and telling Murray that... Ted.

Doesn't like his coffee.

That's not your job, Phyllis. Your job is to be my assistant.

Coworker. Assistant, Phyllis. No, I am not going to do your job for you. You're

right, Mary.

You were nice enough to give me this job, and I just got swept up with the

glamour of it all. I mean, Ted Baxter, the lights, the cameras.

Mary, just as soon as I finish up in the studio, I'll run back here and do this.

I'll stay until midnight doing it. It's all right. No, go.

Phyllis, you can do it in the morning. I did most of it myself anyway.

Oh, thanks, Mary.

Uh -huh.

Mary, see what you can do to perk this up. Hi,

Gordo. Yeah, uh -huh.

Rockefeller Nelson, Governor.

Rockefeller Winthrop, Governor.

Rockefeller David.

Rockefeller John D. Jr.

Rockefeller Happy.

Rockefeller Center.

You're filing?

No, no, no. That's, uh, that's Phyllis' job. No, I was, uh, just, uh, looking

for something. Ah, here it is.

It's hard to believe...

that you had an urgent need for the file on Pancho Villa.

Well, you know. Mm -hmm. Come into my office.

Mary, I'm going to ask you a question, and I want the truth.

How's your new assistant, Princess Margaret Rose, shaping up?

a lot of her time with Ted in the studio. They seem to really have hit it

mean, to the point where you might say that she's not quite doing a single bit

of work around here.

Mary, you could use a little fatherly advice.

The fatherly advice is, why'd you hire her?

That's a hard one to...

Explain, Mr. Grant. She's a tracker jack typist?

She's a great organizer?

A wizard shorthand? She helped me find my apartment. Ah!

Rule number one.

Don't hire friends. I hired a friend once.

You know what happened?

Worked out great.

But that's me. You can't handle it. I can't handle Phyllis. I mean, I've known

her for years, and she's just... Well,

she's very intelligent, you know, and...

Let me put it this way, Mr. Grant. If Phyllis were drowning, her life wouldn't

flash before her eyes.

Eleanor Roosevelt's life would flash before her eyes.

She's... Lou, can I see a minute?

No, I'm busy.

Oh. What'd he say?

Well... What'd he say? He's busy. He's busy?

Well, use your strength. Go on, try it again. All right.

Lou?

You and I are going to have a little talk.

Well, all right.

I'll just talk to the general manager.

All right, Ted.

Let's talk.

Phyllis, I think you and I have lots of filing to do.

Remember when we had that little discussion yesterday?

Well, that figure is still in my mind, and this time you're not going to talk

out of it.

What's more, not only do I want that raise we discussed, but I also want some

new writers on the show.

Now, Phyllis here tells me this Norman Mailer fella's pretty good.

And if he's not available, how about this Truman Capote?

E. Oh, yes, that's right. Truman E. Capote.

Look, Ted. Now, Lou, you look.

Either I get what I want or I don't go on tonight.

Mary. Would you get me the file on available anchorman and their phone

They may need somebody tonight. Yes, sir.

He's bluffing.

You're bluffing, Lou.

Trying to pull the old blufferino, eh?

Well, it won't work.

Here they are, Mr. Grant. I think they're all up to date, so almost any

them should be available. You're trying to bluff me, too, eh, Mayor?

Well, I'm telling you it won't work, Lou.

I want that raise, and I want it fast.

Let's try him first.

Who are you going to dial, Mayor? The weather report?

Fluff, fluff, fluff, fluff, fluff?

Hello, this is Mr. Lou Grant's office at W. I think I have

some filing to do.

All right, all right.

I didn't say I needed those things I want. I just said I wanted to talk about

it.

And I talked about it.

Who are you calling?

It's going to be fair and warmer.

Mary, she's dangerous.

She's actually got Baxter convinced he's capable of human thought.

Mary, you've got to... Keep her away from Ted Baxter.

No. Give her a good talking to.

No.

Fire her?

That's it.

seems a little barbaric doesn't it putting candy out to fire somebody melts

your mouth not in your unemployment line she was so awful at work today but it's

just see i know it's because underneath that confidence she's really a mass of

insecurity you know so how am i going to tell her i have to let her go i don't

know but you'll think it's something man you're good at that

Good luck.

Good luck? What for?

Oh, nothing.

Nothing. Listen, Phyllis, I have some coffee in the kitchen. Would you like

some? No, no, no. I had a cup downstairs.

You're fired.

I didn't say that.

Phyllis, it just slipped out. I mean, I just... Phyllis, sit down.

Phyllis, I am so sorry I said that, but at least I said it. You know, at least

now it's out.

And the important thing to remember here, Phyllis, is that... Not everybody

right for every job.

I knew it.

I kept telling myself, Phyllis, I said dress dowdy.

What? Dress dowdy. Sure, I said marry a pleasant -looking single girl, even a

nice -looking single girl. But you know how touchy career gals get when you're

married and they're not.

Phyllis, what does your being married and my being not have to do with it?

Nothing, nothing.

No, we'll just say you fired me because I'm not right for the job. Okay? Want to

say that?

Uh, Phyllis. No, no. Come on. We'll say that. I'll tell Lars. He'll get such a

holl out of it.

Don't worry, Mary. It doesn't matter. Really, really.

Lars and I have fantastic plans for tonight. You know how married people

Oh? Where are you going?

Oh, we're staying home.

Phyllis, will you please stop apologizing? I can't help it. I mean,

just dumb and awful.

I deserve being fired, and I took it so badly when you told me you had to let me

go. Phyllis, you know, this just really is not necessary.

I just want you to know I know I did a lousy job for you. I didn't do the

filing, and I came in late all the time, and I got Lou mad at you, and I caused

dissension in the office, and I just generally didn't do my job, and that's

I'm going to say. Good.

Now, will you sign this?

What is it?

The letter of recommendation.

As a woman may concern, Phyllis Lindstrom is dependable, efficient,

successful, takes direction well, organized.