Original subtitles

Okay, time for Gwen's medicine.

We've got a bit of a moving target here.

Can you secure the bird?

- I'm trying. - Secure the bird!

I just don't want to squeeze too hard.

I feel like eggs will come out.

Will you secure the bird?

- I got her! I got her! - Secure the bird!

Great.

Get out of the way.

I think you'll find that I run a pretty tight ship around here.

She got the jump on me, sorry.

Sorry!

Why is the chicken out?!

Head's up, there's chicken poop in the hall?

Frank! Frank!

Aaah!

Come here. Come here.

It's ok. It's ok.

I'm not helping.

Flush her towards Bettany's desk!

Don't do it.

Flush her to the kitchen!

I don't know why they call people chickens,

this bird is fearless!

This is exactly what it looks like.

You ok? You're wincing a lot.

I tweaked my back chasing a chicken.

Or, as I'll tell everyone else, saving puppies in a house fire.

Well, it could also be stress.

You've got the big union rep election coming up today.

You worked on your speech?

I haven't written a thing.

But tall guy with a great head of hair behind a podium?

They'll follow me off a cliff.

Definitely.

Though, Carl's gonna go for the sympathy vote

since he got hit by that car.

- He's a liar. - What?

There's no one to back up that story.

It was a hit and run.

Oh, and then he spent all that time in the pool afterward.

He was doing physical therapy, Frank.

He was learning to walk again.

Mmm-kay.

Ok, let's just keep

the whole "Carl faked his own hit and run " between us.

You're our leader, everyone knows it,

you got this thing wrapped up.

All wrapped up like Carl's fake-ass cast.

Hey, is everybody here? I have an announcement.

Oh, good news announcement? Half-day Fridays?

Oh, really?

It's been on the vision board for a while.

Speaking of, I don't know who put up that pic of me

in my workout tank but I applaud it.

You put it up, that's how it got there.

Which I applaud.

Ok, it's not good news. Or bad news.

It's just news.

Uh, we're having a mandatory training session today.

Feels like bad news.

Wait. Are we still gonna be able to puzzle at lunch?

Obviously.

If you all know we've gotten a lot of complaints

from our lovely neighbor in the condo next door

about the dogs barking.

Yeah. Maybe she's finally realizing

why her rent is so low.

Probably. Uh, but we want to be good neighbors

so I've hired a dog trainer to come and teach us

how to get our canine guests to behave,

and he's on his way here right now.

Today is not good,

because everyone here will be busy making history,

re-electing me to a fourth consecutive term as union rep.

We're in the Frank era.

You are in the Frank era.

We all know that you just wanna keep your reserved parking spot.

It's not about a parking spot.

It's about the respect and envy that go along with that spot.

In the Frank era.

Must be nice.

They've got me over in that annex lot.

Technically a different town.

I'm not kidding. They've got their own cops.

We are very lucky to get this particular trainer,

he's in high demand

and apparently he's quite charismatic.

Seriously, some of the online comments are pretty steamy.

Your steamy or my steamy?

I've noticed there's a big gap on that spectrum.

Oh! He is pulling into the parking lot right now.

♪ Everybody, yeah, looking at me ♪

♪ Yeah man yeah man, I'm a VIP. ♪

♪ I got the car ♪

♪ I got the cribs ♪

♪ I got the chicks ♪

♪ I got the money, money, money... ♪

So people are writing steamy comments about this guy?

With how much irony?

Yeah, I don't get it.

Good morning. My name is Roman Park.

You've been watching me, observing.

That's exactly what the dogs are doing now.

To you.

Well, except Chester,

who seems pretty interested in his genitals.

Hey, listen. Uh, the neighbor's back.

Do you want me to tell her that the triplets are sick?

Oh, you have triplets now.

Triplets? No, I'll talk to her.

She'll be happy to know that Roman's on the case.

If you'll excuse me.

Um...

You can go.

Ok.

Dogs are intuitive beings.

They not only sense the dynamics between each other,

but the humans around them.

In fact, I'm picking up something right now.

She doesn't care for you.

What? No, Bettany loves me.

Just... leave me hangin'. That's vintage Bettany.

But more than anyone, they key off their natural leader.

Who do you think the alpha is?

Well, if we're going by height, it's me.

And by any other metric it's also me.

Um... of... of the dogs.

Coco is the alpha.

Now I must establish my dominance

and show Coco who the new alpha is.

That was pretty hot.

What else have you been doing with that finger

that makes dogs so frightened of it?

Oh, it's not about the finger,

it's about what shoots out of it.

Oh my god.

Hi Amy, so nice to see you again.

Are these your triplets?

Yeah, Bettany must have framed that photo for me, so...

You're drinking with toddlers.

Oh, they're my wingmen,

so... it was a crazy weekend in wine country.

You have no idea what it's like

to hear these dogs barking all day.

We're on it.

I have a specialist working with the dogs right now.

They're still barking.

Well, they're dogs, so yeah.

I don't have a fancy Zen fountain

to drown it out like you.

So why don't you take it?

Consider it a gift from Precinct 22.

Ok, sure.

Mmhmm. Yeah.

Now that we've done our breath work...

excellent job by the way, Victoria.

This exercise we call "dog mirror ".

F-Shaw?

It's Frank.

Have you noticed the dogs have stopped barking?

Yeah, that's super impressive.

Hey, just to circle back to the whole Bettany thing, is that...

Frank, be a dear.

Get into the cage, hands and knees,

in front of Coco.

Roman, I need you to step back

'cause I can feel your breath on my nipples.

Ok, I'm gonna go lock up my last few votes.

Yeah, you should go.

I am already on record saying I am leaving.

I'll allow it.

I don't need your permission.

You have my full blessings.

I'm leaving. Goodbye.

Wow. Somebody's dewy.

You go for a run?

Uh, I forgot my wallet in the car.

Annex lot's like half a mile away.

Wait, you guys don't get to park here?

No, only Frank does 'cause he's a union rep, so...

Wow.

Yeah.

You're incredible. Anyone ever tell you that?

No.

I mean...

No.

You start every morning with that life force-draining walk,

yet you manage to be there for everybody else.

You give a lot, don't you?

I mean, I do, yeah. To my family, to the animals.

How do we give to Patel?

What can one do to filleth your own cup?

A nap comes to mind.

Ehhh...

But I can beat that.

I got a bag of pears in the rig, wanna talk it out?

I love pears.

Yeah, alright.

I'm the best candidate because the other guy is an idiot.

Oh. Hey, Carl, you old sneak.

You gotta put a bell on that cane.

Hey, good luck today, champ.

Hey, you too.

Yeah, this whole election's been such a welcome distraction

from all the PT...

Ok, can we just stick to the issues?

I'll see you at the speeches.

Can we talk?

Look at that cane.

It's clearly a prop. It bends the wrong way.

You can get that at any Halloween store.

Uh-huh. Uh-huh.

Hey, I've been thinking.

You know how I'm always putting other people's needs

in front of my own?

I have not seen that.

I did see you take a piece of Bettany's birthday cake

before I lit the candles.

My cup run emptieth and I need to fill it up.

Are you having a stroke?

You know what? I'm just gonna come out with it.

I want your parking spot.

The walk from the annex is draining my life force.

To be fair, I haven't seen your life force

since before you had kids.

Right. Now my pilot light is about to go out.

I need this.

Well, the only way you're gonna get that parking space

is if you run for union rep.

Ok, then I'll do it.

Oh yeah? Ok.

I'll run for union rep.

Do you have any idea what a union rep does?

I know he parks out front, bitch.

Sorry, I don't know why I did that.

But I am gonna run, and I'm gonna murder you, bitch.

Sorry. Who is this guy?

Patel '24! Let's go!

Alright, take as many as you like.

They're for everybody, guys.

Hey, if anyone wants to talk union stuff

I'm here, by the way.

Look at him, trying to bribe voters with donuts.

Yeah, he's got a churro truck coming at lunch.

He eats and campaigns like he's in grade school.

Listen, um, I don't wanna press this

but it's a three-way race now, and every vote counts.

So...

Hmm... I don't know.

I feel like it's good to shake up the status quo of the pack.

The what?

The office.

You said pack.

I said office.

No, you said pack.

Just think, I said office.

Wait a minute, is this all coming

from that child scarf model, Roman?

Did he get Patel to go after my parking space?

All I know is I saw them eating fruit in his truck.

Are you blushing?

He has, like, a big red truck and I saw it.

Viva Patel!

Ah, churros in the parking lot, everyone! Let's go!

That looks good.

Ok.

Did you know Bettany doesn't like me?

What? No, everyone likes you.

I know, that's why it's so weird, but she doesn't.

Do you think it was because of her birthday last week?

I did think it was weird that you skipped cake in the kitchen.

See, I didn't know it was her birthday.

Mmhmm.

There we have it. The missing piece of information.

And it goes right...

- Oh, no. No. - It doesn't fit.

Hey guys, sorry to interrupt something private... and sad.

Roman's gotta go.

He's messing with the office dynamic,

he's threatening my re-election,

and I think he's hypnotized Victoria.

This goes right here.

No, we tried that...

Oh.

Knock, knock.

I can't find the pear soda in the fridge.

I'm pretty sure it was in my contract.

Hey, Roman, I got some bad news. Emily's gotta let you go,

so why don't you throw yourself into an envelope

and I'll mail you home.

No, no, no, no. No, you're not fired, Roman.

Frank, you're way overstepping.

Surprise, Frank thinks he's in charge.

He tried to out-alpha me earlier.

Out-alpha you? We're not a pack of dogs,

no matter what Patel looks like when he eats lunch.

And if there's a quote unquote alpha here, it's me.

Check out the vision board.

Ah, but the alpha never has to say they're the alpha,

they're just automatically recognized by the pack.

Also, I'm the alpha.

You just said an alpha doesn't have to say they're the alpha!

Only the true alpha can.

Ok, I'm actually the boss so could you two just fight

or uh, kiss, or just go wherever this weird energy is taking you?

With pleasure.

This piece goes there.

Ok. well, this piece goes right here.

I think one of these little huckleberries go here.

Yeah, well this piece goes here.

This piece goes here.

Yeah, well this one goes right here.

These pieces go on top here.

Ok, that's ridiculous.

You know what? If you're not puzzle club,

please leave puzzle club!

I can promise you this much. As your union rep

there's only one kind of swing that I'm gonna take.

And that is...

Big swings.

Amit Patel takes big swings.

For example, right now I'd like to announce...

no, I'd like to guarantee work from home Fridays.

Who wants it?

That's an impossible promise.

How do you catch animals from home?

All he wants is a parking space next to the building.

...For all of us. I want parking spots for all of us.

And you're gonna get it.

As your union rep, Patel's bringing home parking spots!

That's impossible!

We don't have that many parking spots!

Hey!

- Can he do that? - No.

That's an impossible promise, but really great speech.

There's one more speech, save the best for last.

Hey, there's another speech.

Gang. I know that it's been a weird day,

but let's not forget who's got the vision

to lead us into 2024 and beyond. It is this guy right here.

Yep.

Look, I know you've all gorged on churros and false promises,

but I need your eyes up here. Uh, you let Carl and Patel talk.

Thank you.

And uh, again, I had a real challenging few months.

Nobody cares, Carl!

Vive Patel

Oh! Crepes in the parking lot!

You are being bribed with thin, savory pancakes!

It's a predictable move! And Carl, he is a liar.

I have seen the traffic cams.

I have talked to the nurses on duty.

There are discrepancies.

Frank! What're you doing, man?

What're you doing?

Shred, don't go.

Shred, do not get a crepe!

Ah. Amy. Come in, please.

Did you notice that the dogs have stopped barking?

I did. It's better.

Great. Yay.

So I think we can move on and discuss

the smell coming from your kennels.

I do think that animal smell coming from

an animal control precinct might be unavoidable.

Mmm...

But I will look into it. That's a really good idea.

Thank you.

Palo Santo.

Mmhmm.

Mmm.

Yeah, would you like to take the candle

to help with the smell that will probably always be there?

Are you sure?

Yeah, definitely.

I'd love for you to have my birthday candle.

Anything for you, Amy.

You know, here at Animal Control

we really value our neighbors, so...

I've never been valued before.

That surprises me.

Yeah, me too.

- You're so great. - Thank you.

- Bad move. - Mm-Mhmm.

How long have you been standing there?

Victoria, tell Emily what she did wrong.

Um, you gave positive reinforcement

for a negative behavior.

That's a dangerous type of conditioning.

In order to break the cycle, assert yourself and dominate.

Uh, yeah, that's probably good insight.

Pick me up.

I'm sorry?

Lift my body.

I can do it. I'll do it, I'll do it.

No, not you. Her.

Come on.

See? You're stronger than you know.

Yeah, I'm gonna put you down now.

I've come to make amends, my lady.

Happy belated birthday.

Awesome, yeah.

I'm just a little curious

why you put it directly in the lost and found?

Oh, that's just where things go sometimes.

Ok, so your dislike of me has nothing to do

with the fact that I missed your birthday?

You didn't miss it, you weren't invited.

Yes, ok, but why?

Because I don't need you anywhere near Emily

with your little crush.

Crush? On Emily? Me, and our boss?

That's crazy.

So what'd you do for lunch today, champ?

I did a puzzle with Emily, but that doesn't mean anything.

Nobody does puzzles unless they want more.

I want nothing more than the puzzle.

The thrill of puzzling. I'm a puzzler.

You need to move on.

She's in a great relationship with Rick and I like him.

He's great?

Well, did you know

he never takes his glove off in front of her?

I mean, what's he hiding?

Shred, I have that woman's calendar mapped out

for the next four-and-a-half years,

and you're not on it.

Hey!

You completely poisoned the harmonious ecosystem

where I lord over everyone!

Fix it!

If I were to help you, not that I'm saying I would,

I need to hear you say it.

Say what?

I need to hear you say I'm the alpha.

Ok.

I'm the alpha. Ha ha.

Oh, you're gonna do the magic finger?

Should I pull it? Make a smell?

You're embarrassing yourself.

Chester, come on. Do you have no dignity?

Come here.

Oh my... My back.

Ok. Yeah. This is from the chicken chase.

It's...

Your tiny finger is doing nothing here, it's my back.

Oh, my spine is on fire.

I'm just gonna go prone for just a second.

Yeah, I'm not doing the clicker. I'm not submitting.

Yeah, you don't have to call me the alpha,

your body language screams it.

Now that I've broken you,

I'll talk to Patel, get him to drop out.

Shouldn't be hard to make it feel like it's his idea.

Good boy.

Hi Amy, I'm calling to inform you that I will no longer be

responding to your incessant and unreasonable complaints.

And I want my Zen water fountain back.

Um, can you hold on a second?

Sorry, can you just not click? I heard your advice from before.

I got it. I think I can take it from here.

In fact, um, why don't we just call it early

and you can go ahead and invoice me for the whole day?

Yeah.

Sorry.

Why'd I drop out?

I just asked myself, do I really have time to be a union rep?

Is that really taking care of me?

Alright, it looks like we have a winner.

And it's...

Yeah, it's Carl. Carl, you won.

No. No.

That's impossible. That can't be right.

Well, uh, much like the metal pins in my femur,

I pledge to be the bond that helps this office heal.

Aww, that's sweet.

Nine, ten, eleven, twelve...

Not to take away from Carl's beautiful moment,

but I'm afraid I must say my goodbyes.

No.

Yeah.

Victoria.

Are you free tonight?

I...

My mom's out of town so I can stay out late.

You live with your mum?

I have... plans.

So... the plans.

I just remembered that I have plans.

- Yeah. - So I can't...

I know.

What was I thinking?

I'm not sure.

And with that, he was gone.

Oh, Roman, the entrance is that way. Yeah.

I know you had a day so I thought you could use this.

Thanks, but it doesn't look deep enough to drown myself in.

Ok, I'm gonna give you some space.

Puzzle buddy.

Are we gonna puzzle again tomorrow at lunch?

I feel like we're really on a roll.

Uh, you know, I think I'm gonna start working out at lunch.

Oh, ok.

Yeah, I just feel like

puzzling's not giving me enough cardio, so...

Yeah, ok. That sounds really healthy, so...

Yeah.

Good for you.

I can finish the puzzle on my own.

Well, I wish you luck.

Thank you.

Anyway, um, have a good night.

Yeah, you too. Goodnight.

Thank you. Bye.

That's weird.

It's the freaking fountain. The dogs are barking at it.

Roman's a fraud!

Nothing that happened today counts!

Hard reset! I'm still the union rep!

I'm still your leader!

Going prone.

Where's your water?

I don't have one.

Slow burn, right?

Slow burn.

Slow death, I think is the expression.

Jeez.

♪ Well, he flows into town,

Thank you.

♪ greasy and drunk,

♪ A pen thru a jar to calm down, ♪

Come on.

Halfway there.

Ok.

Water.

♪ Well, you shot your man down. ♪

Hey.

Ah, good morning, Frank!

Beautiful day.

Oops, wrong leg.

Son of a bitch.

Well played, Carl.