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1
00:00:06,267 --> 00:00:07,007
If you're gonna make me
pick you up,
2
00:00:07,007 --> 00:00:08,097
I expect coffee.
3
00:00:08,269 --> 00:00:10,839
There'll be one waiting
for you tomorrow.
4
00:00:10,836 --> 00:00:11,786
Any other requests?
5
00:00:11,968 --> 00:00:13,448
Yeah.
Get your car fixed.
6
00:00:14,536 --> 00:00:17,316
I'm gonna win you over, bro.
It's gonna happen.
7
00:00:17,495 --> 00:00:20,665
Calling me "bro" shows the depth
of your miscalculation.
8
00:00:20,846 --> 00:00:22,406
[Dispatch]
Truck 12.
9
00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,680
Report of a small animal in
the attic at 187 South Kenzie.
10
00:00:24,676 --> 00:00:25,806
Truck 12 responding.
11
00:00:30,117 --> 00:00:31,337
Four play dates, a Spiderman
birthday party,
12
00:00:31,509 --> 00:00:34,119
two trips to urgent care...
and my parents are in town.
13
00:00:34,121 --> 00:00:35,691
Let's just go ahead and say
that they have opinions.
14
00:00:35,687 --> 00:00:37,117
How was your weekend?
15
00:00:37,124 --> 00:00:38,134
- Yeah, pretty good.
- Mmhmm.
16
00:00:38,125 --> 00:00:40,475
I went to a club.
There were definitely drugs.
17
00:00:40,475 --> 00:00:43,295
I woke up naked on some boat
near Whitby Island.
18
00:00:43,304 --> 00:00:44,484
What about the other people
on the boat?
19
00:00:44,479 --> 00:00:45,829
Also naked, yeah.
20
00:00:45,828 --> 00:00:46,828
Right.
21
00:00:47,699 --> 00:00:49,089
[Frank] Look, it's not personal.
22
00:00:49,092 --> 00:00:51,362
I'm just a lone wolf type
of guy.
23
00:00:51,355 --> 00:00:54,835
All last year I had no partner
and it was... heaven.
24
00:00:55,011 --> 00:00:58,491
And this is so much worse.
25
00:00:58,493 --> 00:00:59,623
So, I guess it is personal.
26
00:01:01,844 --> 00:01:03,154
- Hey.
- Mmhmm.
27
00:01:03,150 --> 00:01:05,500
I'm thinking of getting
a puppy.
28
00:01:05,500 --> 00:01:06,850
Look at her, Little Mabel.
29
00:01:06,849 --> 00:01:07,939
Why would you do that?
30
00:01:08,111 --> 00:01:09,071
You have all the freedom
in the world.
31
00:01:09,069 --> 00:01:10,069
Yeah, but I envy you sometimes.
32
00:01:10,070 --> 00:01:11,160
I live alone.
33
00:01:11,332 --> 00:01:12,462
It might be nice
to have a dog around.
34
00:01:12,463 --> 00:01:14,073
Well, I have two.
You could just have one.
35
00:01:14,074 --> 00:01:15,554
One of them's incontinent
36
00:01:15,553 --> 00:01:17,733
for that extra feeling of
agonizing responsibility.
37
00:01:17,729 --> 00:01:18,859
If that's what
you're looking for.
38
00:01:20,080 --> 00:01:21,520
Maybe I'll just get a bird.
39
00:01:21,690 --> 00:01:24,130
Get a bird. Get a bird.
40
00:01:24,127 --> 00:01:26,167
[Frank] Alright. You wait here.
41
00:01:26,173 --> 00:01:28,443
There's a good coffee place
up the block.
42
00:01:29,872 --> 00:01:31,402
Rookie always pays.
43
00:01:31,395 --> 00:01:35,225
Oh. Yeah. Hazing recognized
and accepted.
44
00:01:37,749 --> 00:01:38,879
- So I'll take a cara...
- [door slams shut]
45
00:01:43,103 --> 00:01:44,063
[knocks]
46
00:01:45,105 --> 00:01:46,105
What's up?
47
00:01:46,323 --> 00:01:47,853
Are you coming in?
48
00:01:47,846 --> 00:01:50,546
Oh yeah, for sure. It's just...
just gonna be one minute.
49
00:01:50,545 --> 00:01:51,935
I think my partner
will be right back.
50
00:01:51,937 --> 00:01:53,497
I don't have a minute.
51
00:01:53,591 --> 00:01:54,771
It's my 10th anniversary and
I surprised my wife with brunch
52
00:01:54,766 --> 00:01:56,116
and whatever's up there
is killing the mood.
53
00:01:56,116 --> 00:01:57,726
Whew!
54
00:01:57,726 --> 00:01:59,986
Listen, man.
It's my first week.
55
00:01:59,989 --> 00:02:01,949
I should really wait for backup.
You know what I mean?
56
00:02:01,947 --> 00:02:04,117
Come on. My wife's libido
is very delicate.
57
00:02:04,689 --> 00:02:06,129
Help a guy out.
58
00:02:08,998 --> 00:02:11,778
Yeah, so my name's Fred
but everyone calls me Shred
59
00:02:11,783 --> 00:02:14,223
'cause I used to be a
professional snowboarder,
60
00:02:14,221 --> 00:02:16,881
mostly half-pipe,
a couple silvers at Nationals.
61
00:02:16,875 --> 00:02:18,135
And then I tore my ACL.
62
00:02:18,138 --> 00:02:19,748
How long is this gonna take?
63
00:02:19,748 --> 00:02:20,918
Not long at all.
64
00:02:21,576 --> 00:02:23,226
If I had to guess...
65
00:02:23,230 --> 00:02:25,150
it's probably just a sweet
little guy who...
66
00:02:25,145 --> 00:02:26,575
[hissing]
67
00:02:26,581 --> 00:02:27,501
[screams]
68
00:02:27,669 --> 00:02:28,539
[thud]
69
00:02:29,236 --> 00:02:31,586
My eye!
Your walkie went into my eye!
70
00:02:31,586 --> 00:02:33,456
- I'm sorry, it's just...
- [groaning]
71
00:02:33,457 --> 00:02:36,897
The teeth, it's like a tiny...
furry vampire.
72
00:02:36,895 --> 00:02:37,805
I underestimated...
73
00:02:37,809 --> 00:02:39,719
- [squeaking]
- [both scream]
74
00:02:40,160 --> 00:02:41,250
[screaming]
75
00:02:42,771 --> 00:02:43,991
Under... under the ottoman.
76
00:02:43,989 --> 00:02:46,169
Okay. Everyone stay calm.
77
00:02:46,340 --> 00:02:47,600
I got this.
78
00:02:48,255 --> 00:02:51,425
It's okay weasel...
or whatever you are.
79
00:02:51,432 --> 00:02:54,042
We're gonna take you to
the coolest park in the city
80
00:02:54,043 --> 00:02:56,703
and these people are
gonna celebrate.
81
00:02:56,698 --> 00:02:57,738
Dude! Dude!
82
00:02:58,613 --> 00:02:59,183
[chitter sounds]
83
00:02:59,570 --> 00:03:00,530
Bad choice.
84
00:03:00,528 --> 00:03:01,528
[gasps]
85
00:03:01,703 --> 00:03:02,703
What do we do?
86
00:03:05,837 --> 00:03:06,747
Oh, little buddy.
87
00:03:08,710 --> 00:03:09,750
I got this.
88
00:03:10,842 --> 00:03:11,802
- Oh!
- Oh!
89
00:03:11,800 --> 00:03:12,980
Oh, come on!
90
00:03:14,281 --> 00:03:16,331
- Go, go! Right here!
- [woman continues to scream]
91
00:03:19,068 --> 00:03:20,498
We're not catching a break here.
92
00:03:20,504 --> 00:03:23,644
[man] Ohhhh! It's under
the stuffed couch!
93
00:03:23,638 --> 00:03:24,768
You gotta be kidding me.
94
00:03:25,422 --> 00:03:28,342
Okay. Don't worry.
I got this. I got it.
95
00:03:42,047 --> 00:03:43,007
- [chitters]
- [woman gasps]
96
00:03:44,963 --> 00:03:46,313
On a scale of 1 to 10,
97
00:03:46,487 --> 00:03:48,227
how would you rate
our service today?
98
00:03:48,793 --> 00:03:50,233
[theme song]
99
00:03:50,230 --> 00:04:16,560
♪
100
00:04:22,436 --> 00:04:24,086
I made muffins.
101
00:04:24,089 --> 00:04:25,569
Uh-oh. You want something.
102
00:04:25,569 --> 00:04:27,879
What? No. Do you guys think
I do that?
103
00:04:27,876 --> 00:04:29,356
Like I only bake
when I want something?
104
00:04:29,530 --> 00:04:31,010
Aw, these muffs are
fresh out of the oven.
105
00:04:31,009 --> 00:04:32,579
This is gonna be horrible.
106
00:04:32,576 --> 00:04:34,356
No!
107
00:04:34,361 --> 00:04:36,891
Yeah, I feel bad
but I need volunteers
108
00:04:36,885 --> 00:04:38,925
to clean the kennels
this weekend.
109
00:04:38,930 --> 00:04:40,930
There are nine dogs
at Giardia.
110
00:04:40,932 --> 00:04:42,282
Whoever does it's gonna need
one of those counselors
111
00:04:42,282 --> 00:04:43,542
they send to mass
shooting scenes.
112
00:04:43,544 --> 00:04:45,724
I nominate Frank
given the weasel debacle.
113
00:04:45,720 --> 00:04:47,240
He's the senior officer.
114
00:04:47,243 --> 00:04:49,943
Yeah. Frank, I just got an
earful from the superintendent.
115
00:04:49,941 --> 00:04:50,941
I was getting coffee.
116
00:04:50,942 --> 00:04:53,122
I'm guilty of negligence,
not incompetence.
117
00:04:53,118 --> 00:04:54,378
It's a lower crime.
118
00:04:54,381 --> 00:04:56,301
Came to gloat about
the weasel barbecue.
119
00:04:56,470 --> 00:04:57,380
[all groans]
120
00:04:57,558 --> 00:04:58,468
You're here to enjoy
my misfortune,
121
00:04:58,559 --> 00:04:59,949
which is a taunt,
not a gloat.
122
00:05:00,125 --> 00:05:02,165
Always an education
when you talk to Frank.
123
00:05:02,171 --> 00:05:04,391
You're a rube.
Do you know what that is?
124
00:05:04,565 --> 00:05:06,915
Rumor is, couple filed
a complaint
125
00:05:06,915 --> 00:05:08,395
that'll require damage control.
126
00:05:08,569 --> 00:05:11,619
I'm offering my services, Emily,
'cause I know you get
127
00:05:11,789 --> 00:05:14,969
a little nervous and sweaty
in high-stress situations.
128
00:05:14,966 --> 00:05:16,396
Uh, no, no.
129
00:05:16,403 --> 00:05:18,753
I have everything
under control, Templeton.
130
00:05:18,753 --> 00:05:21,933
Well, when you don't,
I'll come back to gloat.
131
00:05:21,930 --> 00:05:23,190
Did I get that right, Frank?
132
00:05:23,192 --> 00:05:24,322
No, that was a threat.
133
00:05:24,324 --> 00:05:26,764
Ah... whatever.
Word nerd.
134
00:05:26,761 --> 00:05:27,941
Okay.
135
00:05:27,936 --> 00:05:29,626
I'm gonna go change into a shirt
136
00:05:29,633 --> 00:05:31,773
that's dark enough to hide
my nervous pit stains.
137
00:05:31,766 --> 00:05:34,376
And right away I'm gonna
go ahead and apologize
138
00:05:34,377 --> 00:05:35,897
for sharing that information.
139
00:05:35,900 --> 00:05:37,120
[clears throat]
140
00:05:37,119 --> 00:05:38,899
Muffins... are over here.
141
00:05:40,209 --> 00:05:41,429
Why's that guy so mean
to Emily?
142
00:05:41,602 --> 00:05:44,612
He works at a rival precinct,
and he's gunning for her job.
143
00:05:44,605 --> 00:05:46,645
Yeah, she's not really suited
to a leadership position,
144
00:05:46,650 --> 00:05:48,130
but we have to make sure
she doesn't get fired
145
00:05:48,130 --> 00:05:49,440
'cause she's really nice.
146
00:05:49,436 --> 00:05:51,606
And she's easy to manipulate
which is why we're
147
00:05:51,612 --> 00:05:54,352
the only precinct with a
top-of-the-line Panini Press.
148
00:05:54,354 --> 00:05:56,014
[bread crunching]
149
00:05:56,181 --> 00:05:58,011
Mmm. Spectacular.
150
00:05:58,009 --> 00:06:00,009
We got written up
in Bon Appetit.
151
00:06:00,011 --> 00:06:01,971
Okay, here's a novel idea.
152
00:06:01,970 --> 00:06:04,450
Try standing closer to the
toilet and actually aiming
153
00:06:04,451 --> 00:06:06,451
so the pee goes in the bowl
and not on the floor.
154
00:06:06,453 --> 00:06:08,023
That's a terrible idea
for a novel.
155
00:06:08,019 --> 00:06:08,799
[laughing]
156
00:06:08,977 --> 00:06:11,237
I will be instituting
a key system.
157
00:06:11,240 --> 00:06:13,020
So if you have to pee,
you come see Dee,
158
00:06:13,024 --> 00:06:14,374
there'll be a sign-in sheet
on my desk.
159
00:06:14,809 --> 00:06:16,029
Not gonna do that.
160
00:06:16,027 --> 00:06:17,807
Frank! Frank!
161
00:06:17,812 --> 00:06:18,812
Frank!
162
00:06:18,813 --> 00:06:21,033
Listen, I'll talk to Emily
and take the heat
163
00:06:21,032 --> 00:06:22,342
for the weasel thing.
164
00:06:22,338 --> 00:06:24,038
Okay? I'll clean the kennels,
it's only right.
165
00:06:24,209 --> 00:06:25,469
That would be stupid of you.
166
00:06:25,472 --> 00:06:26,692
It's what partners do, right?
167
00:06:26,864 --> 00:06:29,484
Look, I'm gonna be up front.
My plan is to get rid of you.
168
00:06:29,476 --> 00:06:31,036
And with the way
bureaucracy works,
169
00:06:31,042 --> 00:06:32,832
it'll take about six months
to fill your seat.
170
00:06:33,001 --> 00:06:35,831
So that's gonna be
all lone wolfy time.
171
00:06:35,830 --> 00:06:37,400
[howls like a wolf]
172
00:06:37,397 --> 00:06:39,007
[dogs barking]
173
00:06:39,007 --> 00:06:40,697
Hey, we talked about
the howling!
174
00:06:40,704 --> 00:06:43,274
Sorry Emily. How's that
espresso machine coming?
175
00:06:43,272 --> 00:06:44,402
Oh, yeah. I ordered it.
176
00:06:44,578 --> 00:06:46,278
Oh, you are the best!
177
00:06:46,275 --> 00:06:47,405
[whispers] It's coming
from Milan.
178
00:06:47,581 --> 00:06:48,931
You don't fool me, Frank.
179
00:06:49,104 --> 00:06:52,154
Underneath that crusty exterior
is a soft, chewy center.
180
00:06:52,150 --> 00:06:53,720
Mmm... no.
181
00:06:53,717 --> 00:06:55,197
Yeah. He's not that kinda
cookie, kid.
182
00:06:55,371 --> 00:06:56,371
What do you mean?
183
00:06:57,242 --> 00:06:59,722
Look, and you didn't hear
this from us,
184
00:06:59,723 --> 00:07:03,253
Frank used to be a cop but then
he uncovered some corruption,
185
00:07:03,248 --> 00:07:05,428
and instead of cleaning it up,
they fired him.
186
00:07:05,425 --> 00:07:07,425
Whoa. That's heavy.
187
00:07:07,427 --> 00:07:08,857
[phone vibrating]
188
00:07:08,863 --> 00:07:10,213
Greenview Meadow Preschool.
189
00:07:10,212 --> 00:07:11,742
Oh, God in heaven, no.
190
00:07:11,735 --> 00:07:13,215
There's no way this isn't
something awful.
191
00:07:13,215 --> 00:07:16,305
Hello? Yeah.
192
00:07:16,305 --> 00:07:17,735
Danny won't poop
in school again.
193
00:07:17,915 --> 00:07:19,215
He's like me, he gets nervous
at away games.
194
00:07:19,221 --> 00:07:20,441
Aww, poor sausage.
195
00:07:20,614 --> 00:07:22,094
Yeah, go ahead and put him on.
196
00:07:22,093 --> 00:07:24,443
Hey buddy, it's okay, listen.
197
00:07:24,444 --> 00:07:25,794
Just like we do at home, okay?
198
00:07:27,272 --> 00:07:29,322
♪ I know what to do...
199
00:07:29,318 --> 00:07:31,448
♪ when I'm about to poo...
200
00:07:31,451 --> 00:07:33,451
♪ I go to the potty,
201
00:07:33,453 --> 00:07:35,893
♪ pull my underwear down...
202
00:07:35,890 --> 00:07:38,240
[all sing in unison]
♪ And I sit and wait...
203
00:07:38,240 --> 00:07:40,900
♪ I sit and wait...
204
00:07:40,895 --> 00:07:44,895
♪ I sit and wait until
the poop falls down. ♪
205
00:07:44,899 --> 00:07:49,729
♪ Then I wipe and wipe,
'till brown leaves town, ♪
206
00:07:49,730 --> 00:07:53,260
♪ I put it in the potty
and I flush it down. ♪
207
00:07:53,429 --> 00:07:54,259
Whooo!
208
00:07:54,256 --> 00:07:55,336
Banger!
209
00:07:55,344 --> 00:07:57,354
Wow, sounds like you had
quite a bit.
210
00:07:57,346 --> 00:07:59,126
I'm proud of you,
my little soldier.
211
00:07:59,130 --> 00:08:00,440
Way to go, Danny!
212
00:08:00,436 --> 00:08:02,606
Okay. Alright. Bye.
213
00:08:02,786 --> 00:08:04,136
Hi.
214
00:08:04,266 --> 00:08:05,566
I could use some help getting
a mastiff on the table.
215
00:08:05,746 --> 00:08:06,266
- No problem.
- Yes! I'll... I'll help.
216
00:08:06,442 --> 00:08:07,272
Absolutely.
217
00:08:07,704 --> 00:08:10,584
Hey... you're Shred, right?
218
00:08:10,751 --> 00:08:13,361
Hey. Oh yeah, hi.
Nice to meet you.
219
00:08:13,362 --> 00:08:15,452
Are you the, um... hot vet?
220
00:08:15,451 --> 00:08:16,931
No, we say that behind
her back.
221
00:08:16,931 --> 00:08:18,151
Yeah.
222
00:08:18,149 --> 00:08:20,369
Oh God, I'm so sorry if
that came off disrespectful.
223
00:08:20,369 --> 00:08:23,499
I'll retract it and say
you're in no way hot.
224
00:08:23,503 --> 00:08:24,503
[laughing]
225
00:08:24,678 --> 00:08:26,238
Doctor Summers.
226
00:08:26,244 --> 00:08:29,604
I don't wanna embarrass you
but I'm a huge winter sports fan
227
00:08:29,596 --> 00:08:31,946
and I saw you at the X Games
in Whistler.
228
00:08:31,946 --> 00:08:33,466
- 2019.
- Yeah.
229
00:08:33,469 --> 00:08:34,509
Against The Goose.
230
00:08:34,514 --> 00:08:36,044
- Oh, so good!
- She's a fan.
231
00:08:36,037 --> 00:08:37,947
[Hot Vet] You did that backside
right in front of me.
232
00:08:37,952 --> 00:08:38,952
She's a fan.
233
00:08:38,953 --> 00:08:40,173
They've been replaying it
on ESPN Classics.
234
00:08:40,345 --> 00:08:42,955
Every time I watch it, I think
I'm not gonna stick the landing
235
00:08:42,957 --> 00:08:43,737
and then I do...
236
00:08:43,958 --> 00:08:45,868
and it kinda blows my mind
all over again.
237
00:08:45,873 --> 00:08:47,183
So good.
238
00:08:47,178 --> 00:08:48,618
Anyway, sorry.
You needed help with something?
239
00:08:48,789 --> 00:08:50,179
Uh, yeah that'd be great.
Come on.
240
00:08:50,355 --> 00:08:51,615
Yeah. Sure. Yeah.
241
00:08:51,618 --> 00:08:55,188
No. No. He does not get
to just sashay in here
242
00:08:55,186 --> 00:08:56,136
and have sex with someone
243
00:08:56,144 --> 00:08:58,414
we've all been trying to nail
for years.
244
00:08:58,407 --> 00:09:00,537
Yeah, he has to get in line
and wait like everybody else.
245
00:09:00,714 --> 00:09:02,064
Low rent Shawn White.
246
00:09:03,151 --> 00:09:04,541
Yo. Delores...
247
00:09:04,718 --> 00:09:06,068
I need the key.
248
00:09:06,067 --> 00:09:07,287
Name and time.
249
00:09:08,330 --> 00:09:09,680
[phone ringing]
250
00:09:16,556 --> 00:09:17,906
Connie Lingus?
251
00:09:18,993 --> 00:09:19,863
Real mature!
252
00:09:25,216 --> 00:09:26,736
[Frank] You know what
Mark Twain said?
253
00:09:26,740 --> 00:09:29,440
I'm not 100 percent
on who Mark Twain is.
254
00:09:29,438 --> 00:09:31,008
That's a whole other
conversation now.
255
00:09:31,005 --> 00:09:33,215
He said if you pick up
a starving dog
256
00:09:33,224 --> 00:09:35,664
and make him prosperous,
he will not bite you.
257
00:09:35,662 --> 00:09:39,232
This is the principal difference
between a dog and a man.
258
00:09:39,230 --> 00:09:40,670
Is this about the hot vet?
259
00:09:40,667 --> 00:09:42,447
Yeah, of course
it's about the hot vet.
260
00:09:42,451 --> 00:09:43,841
I've been laying the groundwork
for years.
261
00:09:43,844 --> 00:09:46,544
Do you know how many vaccination
clinics I've volunteered for?
262
00:09:46,542 --> 00:09:48,112
A lot of vaccination clinics.
263
00:09:48,109 --> 00:09:50,589
I've eradicated entire diseases
in pursuit of that woman.
264
00:09:50,590 --> 00:09:52,420
But dude, I'm not, like,
a threat.
265
00:09:52,417 --> 00:09:53,677
I have a girlfriend.
266
00:09:53,680 --> 00:09:56,330
She's a snowboarder,
she's from Spain
267
00:09:56,334 --> 00:09:59,694
and if you'd asked me even
one question you'd know that.
268
00:09:59,686 --> 00:10:01,426
I'm not gonna lie,
that's a bit of a relief.
269
00:10:01,426 --> 00:10:04,036
Yeah, and if I was gonna dip
my toe into the work pool,
270
00:10:04,038 --> 00:10:05,468
it wouldn't be the hot vet.
271
00:10:05,648 --> 00:10:07,388
Well, not Victoria.
I got dibs there too.
272
00:10:07,389 --> 00:10:10,699
No. Emily. The boss lady.
273
00:10:10,697 --> 00:10:13,217
She's just so clumsy and
uncomfortable in her own body.
274
00:10:13,221 --> 00:10:15,701
I guess I just dig
an awkward chick.
275
00:10:15,702 --> 00:10:17,702
This is a texture I didn't know
you had.
276
00:10:17,704 --> 00:10:20,494
You see, this partnership...
it's blossoming.
277
00:10:20,663 --> 00:10:24,283
Oh, and I Googled wolves.
They run in packs.
278
00:10:24,449 --> 00:10:25,489
Well, except the lone ones.
279
00:10:25,494 --> 00:10:26,414
Otherwise they would
just be wolves.
280
00:10:26,582 --> 00:10:27,932
And you had to Google that?
281
00:10:27,931 --> 00:10:30,061
There's no shame in admitting
gaps in knowledge.
282
00:10:30,238 --> 00:10:31,938
Unrelated but also
interesting...
283
00:10:31,935 --> 00:10:34,495
did you know snails can have sex
with themselves?
284
00:10:34,503 --> 00:10:36,943
[Dispatch] Truck 12,
neighbor complaint.
285
00:10:36,940 --> 00:10:39,420
Unlicensed ostrich farm.
360 North Harding.
286
00:10:39,421 --> 00:10:41,081
Truck 12 responding.
287
00:10:41,075 --> 00:10:42,765
Ostriches. I love this job.
288
00:10:49,649 --> 00:10:50,999
[knocking]
289
00:10:53,653 --> 00:10:56,313
Hi, I'm Emily Price
from animal con-
290
00:10:56,481 --> 00:10:59,441
Wow, that is worse
than I thought.
291
00:10:59,615 --> 00:11:01,095
[clears throat]
292
00:11:01,095 --> 00:11:02,225
I brought muffins.
293
00:11:07,101 --> 00:11:08,101
Hey.
294
00:11:08,102 --> 00:11:09,672
Officers on the scene
with loaded snausages.
295
00:11:09,843 --> 00:11:11,323
[laughing sarcastically]
296
00:11:11,975 --> 00:11:15,105
Never gets old, Tom.
What have we got here?
297
00:11:15,109 --> 00:11:16,759
Waiting for the coroner.
298
00:11:16,763 --> 00:11:18,683
The guy's been dead three days
and no one knew it.
299
00:11:18,678 --> 00:11:20,028
His dog never left his side.
300
00:11:21,332 --> 00:11:22,642
We'll find him a good home.
301
00:11:25,728 --> 00:11:28,338
Three days.
Can you imagine?
302
00:11:28,513 --> 00:11:30,693
Three days without anybody
knowing where I was.
303
00:11:30,690 --> 00:11:31,690
[dog whining]
304
00:11:33,257 --> 00:11:35,037
I'd kill for that.
305
00:11:35,912 --> 00:11:38,702
Hey. Hey, it's gonna be okay.
306
00:11:41,135 --> 00:11:43,485
Charlie. He's so cute!
307
00:11:49,143 --> 00:11:52,583
Whoa.
Those are some tall birds.
308
00:11:52,581 --> 00:11:54,581
Yeah, and their eyes are bigger
than their brains,
309
00:11:54,583 --> 00:11:56,153
so you should feel
right at home.
310
00:11:56,324 --> 00:11:57,594
Your ribbing feels affectionate.
311
00:11:57,760 --> 00:12:00,020
And I know you're going
for more emotional distance.
312
00:12:00,023 --> 00:12:02,723
Hey, your shirt's sticking out.
Let me fix it.
313
00:12:02,896 --> 00:12:05,156
There you go, now
you look respectable.
314
00:12:05,333 --> 00:12:07,773
Look at you taking care
of your partner.
315
00:12:07,770 --> 00:12:09,730
Bonding alert.
Calling all units.
316
00:12:09,729 --> 00:12:10,989
Alright, calm down.
317
00:12:10,991 --> 00:12:13,171
Ma'am, hi. City of Seattle
Animal Control.
318
00:12:13,341 --> 00:12:14,781
Is it alright if we enter?
319
00:12:14,777 --> 00:12:15,867
Make sure to close the gate.
320
00:12:16,736 --> 00:12:18,516
Did my stupid neighbor
call you?
321
00:12:20,391 --> 00:12:21,391
What's going on here?
322
00:12:21,392 --> 00:12:24,002
You making belts or selling
their meat?
323
00:12:24,004 --> 00:12:25,614
I sell the eggs at
the Farmer's Market.
324
00:12:25,614 --> 00:12:26,794
Well, you're gonna need
a license
325
00:12:26,789 --> 00:12:28,179
from the Zoning Commission.
326
00:12:28,182 --> 00:12:30,752
Uh... these guys like me.
327
00:12:30,750 --> 00:12:32,100
Everyone likes you, Shred.
328
00:12:33,535 --> 00:12:35,405
Should I be concerned?
329
00:12:35,580 --> 00:12:37,150
Well, that's really up to you.
330
00:12:37,234 --> 00:12:41,204
They are violent and strong and
have famously bad temperaments.
331
00:12:41,195 --> 00:12:43,585
Oh, and as you can see
they're really fast.
332
00:12:43,588 --> 00:12:45,628
So I would kick it up a gear
if I were you.
333
00:12:45,634 --> 00:12:48,644
In the meantime, I'll just be
writing this citation.
334
00:12:48,637 --> 00:12:52,077
[Shred] It's bad, Frank!
They won't stop.
335
00:12:52,249 --> 00:12:54,639
It's starting to feel
extremely targeted!
336
00:12:54,643 --> 00:12:58,083
Yeah. Well, they either
see you as a food source
or a potential mate.
337
00:12:58,081 --> 00:13:00,741
Either way, I would just
let nature take its course.
338
00:13:00,736 --> 00:13:01,866
[Shred] They're relentless!
339
00:13:01,868 --> 00:13:04,218
But don't worry,
I'm getting all of it.
340
00:13:04,392 --> 00:13:06,442
[Shred yelling in the distance]
341
00:13:06,437 --> 00:13:07,787
Look at 'em move.
342
00:13:09,876 --> 00:13:11,566
These muffins are delicious.
You have to give me the recipe.
343
00:13:11,747 --> 00:13:12,877
Oh, I will.
344
00:13:12,879 --> 00:13:13,879
And you know what?
They're healthy too.
345
00:13:13,880 --> 00:13:15,800
Everyone in my office
has some kind of allergy
346
00:13:15,795 --> 00:13:18,405
so I can never bake
anything fun.
347
00:13:18,406 --> 00:13:18,746
[laughing]
348
00:13:20,538 --> 00:13:21,668
Look, we agree.
349
00:13:21,888 --> 00:13:23,798
We don't wanna turn this
into a big legal thing.
350
00:13:23,803 --> 00:13:24,803
Great. Great.
351
00:13:24,804 --> 00:13:26,414
And... and you have my word,
352
00:13:26,414 --> 00:13:28,814
the City will pay
for everything.
353
00:13:28,808 --> 00:13:30,548
Okay.
354
00:13:30,548 --> 00:13:32,118
If you'll just excuse me, I'm
just gonna let somebody know.
355
00:13:34,248 --> 00:13:35,468
[phone chiming]
356
00:13:35,640 --> 00:13:37,160
[electronic voice]
Emily said they're not
going to sue
357
00:13:37,164 --> 00:13:41,474
and sent a pile of poop emoji...
and a middle finger emoji.
358
00:13:41,472 --> 00:13:42,782
Whatever.
359
00:13:42,865 --> 00:13:45,825
Alright... I won't take up
anymore of your time.
360
00:13:45,825 --> 00:13:46,955
Thank you both.
361
00:13:48,653 --> 00:13:51,703
You didn't use sesame oil
in these, did you?
362
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:53,440
You know what, I did.
363
00:13:53,441 --> 00:13:55,791
I find it just gives it, like,
a little tang.
364
00:13:55,791 --> 00:13:56,401
[laughs]
365
00:13:56,400 --> 00:13:57,620
Oh God.
366
00:13:57,619 --> 00:13:58,399
I'll get the EpiPen.
367
00:13:58,576 --> 00:13:59,486
Thank you.
368
00:13:59,621 --> 00:14:00,841
Wait, wait...
what's happening?
369
00:14:00,840 --> 00:14:02,490
[raspy]
Call 911.
370
00:14:02,493 --> 00:14:03,413
Right now?
371
00:14:03,407 --> 00:14:05,707
No! Oh, no!
372
00:14:05,714 --> 00:14:06,674
[Shred] Knock it off.
373
00:14:06,671 --> 00:14:09,151
This is not fun for me.
This is not fun.
374
00:14:09,152 --> 00:14:10,282
[woman] I've never seen them
like this.
375
00:14:10,458 --> 00:14:11,808
Little help here, Frank.
376
00:14:11,981 --> 00:14:14,291
Man, they must, uh... smell
something on your clothes.
377
00:14:14,288 --> 00:14:15,938
What kinda detergent do you use?
378
00:14:15,942 --> 00:14:18,422
Tide liquid pods.
They get out anything.
379
00:14:18,596 --> 00:14:19,856
Maybe lose the shirt?
380
00:14:19,859 --> 00:14:20,989
Oh, oh yeah.
381
00:14:23,688 --> 00:14:25,868
[Frank] That is pretty
disrespectful to the uniform.
382
00:14:26,039 --> 00:14:28,299
But you gotta do
what you gotta do.
383
00:14:28,955 --> 00:14:31,645
Hmm.
It's gotta be the pants.
384
00:14:31,827 --> 00:14:33,657
- The pants.
- [Frank] Yeah.
385
00:14:33,655 --> 00:14:35,525
[ostriches chirping]
386
00:14:36,397 --> 00:14:38,877
This is the weirdest strip show
I've ever seen.
387
00:14:38,878 --> 00:14:40,618
And I've seen a number of them.
388
00:14:43,317 --> 00:14:44,007
[ostriches chirping]
389
00:14:46,886 --> 00:14:49,756
Is that your beef stick?
390
00:14:49,758 --> 00:14:52,758
In my defense, uh, I didn't
think it would work that well.
391
00:14:52,935 --> 00:14:55,325
Uncool, bro. Really Uncool!
392
00:14:55,503 --> 00:14:56,983
And I'm sorry to raise my voice
right now
393
00:14:57,157 --> 00:14:58,767
but I'm pretty high up
in this tree
394
00:14:58,767 --> 00:15:00,327
and you crossed a line, brother!
395
00:15:00,334 --> 00:15:02,344
They could've taken my penis,
Frank!
396
00:15:02,510 --> 00:15:05,990
Yeah, but they didn't and that's
what makes it funny.
397
00:15:05,992 --> 00:15:08,342
Dude, I know that the police
department screwed you over
398
00:15:08,516 --> 00:15:10,996
and people let you down
but to learn nothing from that
399
00:15:10,997 --> 00:15:14,517
except to be a jerk, that just
makes you a douche, dude.
400
00:15:14,522 --> 00:15:16,002
You're missing all the nuance.
401
00:15:16,002 --> 00:15:19,012
I'm a douche for a lot
of complicated reasons.
402
00:15:19,005 --> 00:15:21,785
Dude, I blew out my knee three
months before the Olympics.
403
00:15:21,790 --> 00:15:24,180
But I didn't let it make me
hate the world.
404
00:15:24,184 --> 00:15:27,194
We all have a choice in life
and I chose to stay positive.
405
00:15:27,187 --> 00:15:28,877
Well, that just makes me
question your judgment.
406
00:15:28,884 --> 00:15:30,234
Well you'll be proud to know
407
00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:32,933
I'm feeling pretty negative
right now, Frank!
408
00:15:34,368 --> 00:15:36,718
You have a ticket for 600 bucks,
by the way.
409
00:15:36,892 --> 00:15:38,722
- Can I pay you in eggs?
- No.
410
00:15:39,503 --> 00:15:40,813
[knocking on door]
411
00:15:40,809 --> 00:15:41,719
[Emily] Yeah, come in.
412
00:15:43,594 --> 00:15:45,814
I'd like to request
a transfer.
413
00:15:45,814 --> 00:15:47,604
My senior officer,
by word and action,
414
00:15:47,598 --> 00:15:50,038
has made it clear that
he doesn't want me around.
415
00:15:50,210 --> 00:15:51,950
Despite the rumors,
I'm not a people person.
416
00:15:51,951 --> 00:15:54,391
Really? Are you sure?
417
00:15:54,388 --> 00:15:56,388
I'd have to move you to central
418
00:15:56,390 --> 00:15:58,910
and Templeton has
the only free truck.
419
00:16:00,307 --> 00:16:01,527
Yes.
420
00:16:01,525 --> 00:16:02,695
You heard the man.
421
00:16:04,615 --> 00:16:07,615
Templeton.
You'd really do that to Shred?
422
00:16:07,618 --> 00:16:08,618
He'll be fine.
423
00:16:08,619 --> 00:16:11,269
He'll be happy in literally
any situation.
424
00:16:11,274 --> 00:16:14,284
Which is the very trait that
makes him challenging for me.
425
00:16:14,277 --> 00:16:15,977
Well, what if you viewed it
as a growth opportunity?
426
00:16:16,149 --> 00:16:17,669
I'm not looking for growth.
427
00:16:17,672 --> 00:16:19,632
If growth wants me bad enough,
it knows where to find me.
428
00:16:19,630 --> 00:16:21,850
Yeah. Alone in your apartment.
429
00:16:21,850 --> 00:16:23,590
Where I am so content.
430
00:16:23,591 --> 00:16:26,551
Now... can I interest you
in a chicken pesto panini?
431
00:16:27,856 --> 00:16:28,986
I wanna say no, but yeah.
432
00:16:28,988 --> 00:16:30,288
Your heart is black
433
00:16:30,293 --> 00:16:32,343
but you know how to make
a really good sandwich.
434
00:16:33,862 --> 00:16:34,992
You guys making sandwiches?
435
00:16:35,995 --> 00:16:36,775
Oh!
436
00:16:39,346 --> 00:16:43,126
♪
437
00:16:45,874 --> 00:16:47,444
Hello? Who's there?
438
00:16:47,441 --> 00:16:50,571
It's Shred. I forgot my coat, so...
439
00:16:50,748 --> 00:16:52,268
- Hey.
- Hey.
440
00:16:52,272 --> 00:16:54,452
Oh, I'm sorry how everything
worked out.
441
00:16:54,448 --> 00:16:55,448
I love Frank
442
00:16:55,666 --> 00:16:58,016
but sometimes he can just be
too much like... Frank.
443
00:16:58,191 --> 00:16:59,761
Yeah.
444
00:16:59,757 --> 00:17:01,887
I really thought I was gonna be
able to crack him, you know?
445
00:17:02,064 --> 00:17:03,024
What are you still doing here?
446
00:17:03,196 --> 00:17:05,326
Oh, we have a pet adoption
coming up
447
00:17:05,328 --> 00:17:06,808
so I was just gonna get
these flyers out.
448
00:17:06,808 --> 00:17:07,808
Cool.
449
00:17:08,853 --> 00:17:10,993
You know, the thing about
snowboarding is
450
00:17:10,986 --> 00:17:12,466
it's a solo sport.
451
00:17:12,466 --> 00:17:13,636
Mmhmm.
452
00:17:13,641 --> 00:17:14,861
Like, when you're on
the mountain
453
00:17:14,859 --> 00:17:16,209
it's just you all alone.
454
00:17:16,296 --> 00:17:18,116
When I got injured nobody
found me for two hours.
455
00:17:18,124 --> 00:17:20,874
What, so the Saint Bernard thing
is a myth?
456
00:17:20,865 --> 00:17:22,345
I'm the wrong guy to ask.
457
00:17:22,345 --> 00:17:23,685
I still sorta believe
in Santa Claus.
458
00:17:23,694 --> 00:17:24,614
[laughing]
459
00:17:24,608 --> 00:17:25,608
What?
460
00:17:25,783 --> 00:17:26,613
Oh.
461
00:17:26,784 --> 00:17:28,004
Do you need a hand?
462
00:17:28,003 --> 00:17:29,873
Um... yeah.
463
00:17:29,874 --> 00:17:32,624
Sorry. Thanks.
I can just be a little clumsy.
464
00:17:32,790 --> 00:17:34,010
I know.
465
00:17:34,009 --> 00:17:35,319
You know, honestly...
466
00:17:35,315 --> 00:17:37,485
I don't know that I'm cut out
for this job.
467
00:17:37,665 --> 00:17:41,495
I mean, I sent that poor guy
to the hospital today.
468
00:17:41,495 --> 00:17:43,925
Yeah, but I almost burned down
his house
469
00:17:43,932 --> 00:17:45,852
and sent him to the hospital, so...
470
00:17:46,021 --> 00:17:48,941
That's true.
[laughing]
471
00:17:48,937 --> 00:17:51,067
Oh, I'm gonna miss seeing you
around the precinct everyday.
472
00:17:51,244 --> 00:17:52,424
Yeah, me too.
473
00:17:53,855 --> 00:17:56,375
Um... but you know now that,
474
00:17:56,379 --> 00:17:59,029
I mean, I'm not gonna
be your boss...
475
00:17:59,034 --> 00:18:00,044
[phone vibrating]
476
00:18:00,035 --> 00:18:01,115
Like, we wouldn't...
477
00:18:01,123 --> 00:18:02,653
Sorry. Sorry.
It's my girlfriend.
478
00:18:02,820 --> 00:18:04,170
Oh, my God. Ah...
479
00:18:04,170 --> 00:18:07,170
- I should get this.
- Yeah, yes.
480
00:18:07,173 --> 00:18:08,873
Hey babe.
I heard you got powder.
481
00:18:13,396 --> 00:18:16,096
What do you think, Charlie?
You like your new home?
482
00:18:16,095 --> 00:18:17,045
Yeah?
483
00:18:17,052 --> 00:18:18,102
[phone chiming]
484
00:18:20,273 --> 00:18:21,233
Hang on.
485
00:18:33,416 --> 00:18:39,206
♪ And I wipe and I wipe
'till the brown leaves town ♪
486
00:18:39,205 --> 00:18:43,905
♪ Put it in the potty
and flush it down. ♪
487
00:18:43,905 --> 00:18:52,215
♪ Bye bye poo.
488
00:18:52,653 --> 00:18:54,443
[TV announcer]
Shred Taylor needs an 88
to get to on the podium.
489
00:18:54,437 --> 00:18:55,997
No way.
490
00:18:56,091 --> 00:18:58,751
[TV announcer] Here is another
look at his backside rodeo 540.
491
00:18:58,746 --> 00:19:01,706
Will it be enough to medal?
And here comes the score...
492
00:19:02,793 --> 00:19:07,583
Oh! 87.3. Ugh, man, that is heartbreaking.
493
00:19:07,581 --> 00:19:08,931
Shred Taylor finishes fourth.
494
00:19:10,584 --> 00:19:13,674
Look at this kid.
You'd never know he lost.
495
00:19:13,674 --> 00:19:14,724
Gotta love him.
496
00:19:15,937 --> 00:19:17,157
[chuckles]
497
00:19:17,156 --> 00:19:18,286
[doorbell]
498
00:19:23,597 --> 00:19:26,817
I'm not ready for a dog.
I need you to take Charlie.
499
00:19:26,817 --> 00:19:27,817
[dog whining]
500
00:19:27,818 --> 00:19:30,038
No, no. I have my own two dogs.
I'm fine.
501
00:19:30,038 --> 00:19:31,818
Oh my God, he's so cute!
502
00:19:31,822 --> 00:19:34,612
Oh, do you want him?
You guys love him.
503
00:19:34,608 --> 00:19:35,608
You can have him.
504
00:19:35,783 --> 00:19:37,183
No, we're not taking the dog.
We don't need the dog.
505
00:19:37,176 --> 00:19:40,476
Also... I can't take care
of this.
506
00:19:40,483 --> 00:19:42,833
I don't need this.
I already have lots of plants.
507
00:19:42,833 --> 00:19:43,833
I don't need more plants.
508
00:19:44,008 --> 00:19:45,178
No, don't go.
No, stop that dance.
509
00:19:45,184 --> 00:19:46,844
Come back.
510
00:19:46,837 --> 00:19:48,187
[children giggling]
511
00:19:48,187 --> 00:19:49,537
[child] You're so cute.
512
00:19:55,498 --> 00:19:58,278
Some dopey looking guy
call for an Uber?
513
00:19:58,284 --> 00:19:59,984
I knew you'd show up... partner.
514
00:19:59,981 --> 00:20:01,501
No, you didn't.
515
00:20:01,678 --> 00:20:03,198
And I'm getting rid of you as
soon as a decent rig opens up.
516
00:20:03,202 --> 00:20:04,202
I hope you know that.
517
00:20:04,203 --> 00:20:05,643
If I didn't know
you were coming,
518
00:20:05,639 --> 00:20:09,079
how come I got us coffee?
519
00:20:09,077 --> 00:20:11,297
'Cause you were gonna
brownnose Templeton.
520
00:20:11,297 --> 00:20:13,077
Whatever you need
to tell yourself, Frank.
521
00:20:13,081 --> 00:20:15,081
But I always knew you were
a pack animal.
522
00:20:15,083 --> 00:20:17,523
Yesterday you didn't even know
what a pack animal was.
523
00:20:17,520 --> 00:20:20,310
Oh! I also didn't know
that a newborn kangaroo
524
00:20:20,306 --> 00:20:23,786
is the size of a lima bean.
- Okay.
525
00:20:26,660 --> 00:20:27,660
Templeton.
526
00:20:27,661 --> 00:20:29,271
You didn't tell him
you were picking me up?
527
00:20:29,271 --> 00:20:30,791
Nah. It was a game-time
decision.
528
00:20:34,102 --> 00:20:35,892
How would you feel about
mooning him?
529
00:20:35,886 --> 00:20:37,236
Very good.
530
00:20:37,236 --> 00:20:39,056
But this will be two days
in a row
531
00:20:39,063 --> 00:20:40,373
you've negotiated my pants off.
532
00:20:40,543 --> 00:20:41,373
Hmm.
533
00:20:42,241 --> 00:20:56,691
♪
534
00:20:56,864 --> 00:20:58,264
So you really filmed
the whole Templeton thing?
535
00:20:58,431 --> 00:20:59,691
Yes, I did.
536
00:20:59,693 --> 00:21:01,393
[cheering and applause]
537
00:21:03,871 --> 00:21:05,351
- To hell with Templeton!
- Nice touch.
538
00:21:11,095 --> 00:21:12,265
Good to have you back.
539
00:21:12,271 --> 00:21:13,791
Good to be back, boss.
540
00:21:13,794 --> 00:21:17,584
Holden Weiner?
Really guys?
541
00:21:17,580 --> 00:21:19,840
It's actually Wy-ner.
I get that all the time.
542
00:21:21,367 --> 00:21:23,147
I'm gonna need a signature
for the package.
543
00:21:23,151 --> 00:21:24,721
I think it's an espresso machine.
544
00:21:24,718 --> 00:21:26,368
Ooh! I'll take care of that.
545
00:21:26,546 --> 00:21:30,636
Thank you Mister Weiner.
Thank you so much.
546
00:21:30,637 --> 00:21:31,637
Wyner.
547
00:21:33,074 --> 00:21:34,164
[gasps]
548
00:21:34,249 --> 00:21:35,079
I think she sprung
for the milk foamer.
549
00:21:35,076 --> 00:21:37,946
Emily, you are the best!
550
00:21:37,948 --> 00:21:39,388
I'm getting a wine fridge next.
39618
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