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- This is Charles Blackman,

flashing to you "News On The March."

Hidden cameras recorded this sensational scene

of bootleggers in action.

The mystery bigshot racketeer is in for a big surprise.

Watch these mobsters closely, folks,

because in a second the mighty hand of justice

is going to deal them a blow they'll never forget.

Yes, it's him, Captain Invincible, the Man of Magnet.

The game's up for these bozos.

The Captain, knowing our cameras would be there,

gave us these exclusive shots of himself in action.

Thanks, Cap.

With you around, we know gangsters are living in fear.

No one is immune from prosecution

when the Legend in Leotards decides to strike.

It's history, it's "News On The March."

Captain Invincible, the hero of our day.

- The Air Force released this sensational film

of Captain Invincible in flight,

on the way to an aerial encounter

that Hitler and Germany will never forget.

While Grand Fuhrer Hitler

and an industrialist crony watch a rally,

his planes are on blitzkrieg war path.

These Luftwaffe Nazis are killers in the sky.

The following scenes, some of the most amazing footage

filmed in the war so far,

have been censored for security reasons.

But one thing is for sure:

the krauts will never forget the day

the Man of Magnet read them the funnies.

Give 'em hell, Cap.

- Mein Gott! What is that?

- This Stuka is in for his last dive.

These demons of destruction can terrify no more.

And it's one more wall prize for the Captain.

From the Atlantic to the Pacific,

no Axis plane is safe from Invincible.

See you later, Captain.

We're glad you're on our side.

It's auf Wiedersehen for Fritz!

"News On The March" cameras recorded Captain Invincible's

recent visit to Camp Eisenhower.

These pint-sized heroes are about

to learn a few old tricks from their idol.

- Let's see you do it.

Rub as fast as you can.

Watch this, now.

I'll show you some speed.

Get it in the hole.

Who's got the marshmallows, huh?

So long, folks.

- The Captain had some words

of wisdom for kids everywhere.

- What are you gonna be when you grow up, son?

- I wanna be just like you, Captain.

- Well, that just might not be possible.

- Oh, well, I'll just have

to be President of the United States.

- A very fine ambition, lad.

When you do get to be President,

you can feel free to call on me anytime you like.

Yessir, folks, as long as we keep

on taking care of this country,

this country will keep on taking care of us.

- Hallelujah.

- You can wave, now.

- Keep up the good work, Cap.

- The country was stunned

last week when Captain Invincible

had to face accusations of disloyalty.

The Captain showed his anger

but millions asked themselves,

what was this hearing really about?

- All we want is a simple answer.

What were you, a presumably patriotic American,

doing inside communist Russia on the date in question?

- I'll be happy to tell you, Senator.

I was wiping out the 3rd Panzer Division

and two Waffen-SS units single-handedly.

That's what I was doing.

- Very impressive.

Just what motivated you to go

and fight Stalin's battles for him?

- What? What?

- Senator, I object to your implication that my client was--

- Captain Invincible, you admit

that you're a premature anti-fascist.

I think you're more than that.

I notice you wear a red cape.

What made you pick that particular color?

- It might surprise you to know, Senator,

that red, white, and blue are the colors of the flag

of the United States of America,

a country that you and I should both be proud to live in.

- Don't hide behind the flag, Captain.

Answer the question.

And while you're at it,

why don't you tell us where you got that title Captain?

According to my records, you never served a single day

in the armed forces of this great nation.

In just whose service are you captain, Captain?

- Mr. Chairman, in view of the testimony of the effect

that you receive no money whatsoever,

I'd like to request that the committee now take action

and ask the Justice Department

to return an indictment for perjury.

This will serve a double purpose.

It'll also notify all future witnesses

that they must tell the truth,

and that we are serious.

We've had too much experience with,

met witnesses with very, very faulty memory.

- But the Captain walks out in disgust.

- What's your reaction to the charges?

- These charges are part

of a government conspiracy against my client.

- Conspiracy? - That's, that's what I said.

For example, impersonating a military officer;

flying without a pilot's license;

wearing underwear in public.

This whole thing is a, a tissue of lies

designed to intimidate and demoralize my client.

- Have they?

- I'm sorry, what was that?

- Is he demoralized?

Is that why he wasn't at this morning's hearing?

- No further questions.

- America was astonished last week

when Captain Invincible, under

a cloud of allegations and charges, vanished.

Where is the Captain?

The familiar figure of the Legend in Leotards

flying over Manhattan is no more,

and this little kid isn't too happy about it.

- Hello, America.

This is Michael Lang reporting from Australia,

where the wayward American Skylab Space Station

has come to a fiery end.

With me now is one of the locals.

Sir, did you see Skylab when it fell?

- Yes, I did.

- You did.

Would you mind just-- - I was flying

through the air, and this en-enormous object

come hur-hur-hurling at me at great speed.

- Thank you very much. - I attempted to catch it.

- Catch it, yes, good work, sir.

- But it was going with such great speed.

- Yes, sir, thank you.

- That it threw me violently-

- Thank. - To the earth.

- Thank you very much. - And I was standing-

- And that's all- - Beneath.

- From Australia.

- Nearly in rubble. - This is Michael Lang.

- The size- - Signing off.

- This is Midnight.

Come in, all New York City operatives.

I require a status report on Operation Urban Decay.

Graffiti?

- Up 80%, sir.

- High decibel noise?

- Up 92%, Mr. Midnight.

- Rampant inflation?

- Still climbing.

- Senseless crime?

- Running wild, sir.

- Excellent, excellent!

Attention, all operatives.

Attention.

All our preliminary goals have been reached.

All targeted neighborhoods have been prepared.

We shall therefore proceed

with the final phase of Operation Ivory.

This is Number One signing off.

Have a nice day.

Julius.

Julius!

Stop thundering about.

- Now let's go through this one last time.

At 1000 hours,

that's a little more than two hours from now,

the president arrives with the top defense chiefs,

and, over my objections, the Australian prime minister,

for a limited inspection tour.

Washington wants to cut our secret development budget.

So we will demonstrate the hypno-ray.

I don't like this, but it's that or our jobs.

We have to impress the top brass.

You all have your schedules,

so nothing can possibly go wrong.

- Follow me, Mr. Prime Minister.

- Are you sure, are you sure you want me to come?

- Oh, yeah, yeah, sure, come on, come on.

- As, as prime minister of Australia,

I should get back to the caravan.

- The generals are already in there, goddammit,

so let's go.

I wanna know what the hell's been happening here!

- I concur.

I wanna know what the, what the hell's been happening here.

- Well, certainly not your routine robbery,

but I still don't see

why it poses a threat to national security.

- It was used to, uh, to, uh, steal the, uh.

- Not the hypno-ray.

- I'm afraid so, Mr. President.

- How effective is the hypno-ray?

- The hypno-ray, as its name implies,

is a device which reverses

the normal relationship of brain to eye.

By affecting the eye of the victim,

his or her brain can be compelled to want

or even desire any physical object.

- Could they pull it to pieces and, and study it?

I mean, uh, could they build another hypno-ray?

- They could.

- I concur.

- I'll, I'll, uh, concur, uh, too,

if you want me to. - Well, that means

that we could have- - Uh, I concur, I-

- A dozen hypno-rays, 50 hypno-rays.

Oh, good Lord,

whoever has that device could strike anywhere.

- Nuke them.

- Nuke who, dummy?

We don't know who has the goddamn thing.

- Cruise missile seek and pinpoint.

- Pinpoint what?

Pinpoint who?

- This is obviously a Soviet mission.

They have acquired the hypno-ray

to turn all our agents around and use them against us.

- Exactly.

- I concur.

- So do I, dammit.

- I'll, I'll concur if you-

- We're wasting time here.

Whatever they stole the damn thing for,

we've got to get it back.

- Let's nuke the ruskie sons of bitches.

- Yeah.

- Blast 'em all to hell and gone.

- Submarine missile attack- - Yes.

- Mr. President.

- B-52 saturation penetration.

- Yes, yes, I concur!

- Is that all I'm ever gonna get from you guys?

Bullshit?

Oh, ask a silly question.

What the world needs right now is a hero.

- Excuse me, officer.

- Yes, Connie.

- Oh, he's back again.

- Same as last week, huh?

- Yeah, and the week before that.

- Thank you.

- That he's a bloody nuisance.

- Why? - He's been sitting

in that doorway, carries on,

and says the most dreadful things.

- Okay, let's go, colonel.

You're blocking the traffic.

- I am not a colonel, I'm a captain.

- Sorry, I forgot.

Which service?

- Don't ask me that!

I refuse to answer on the grounds of the.

Into the green!

Into the red.

- Son, this is not the way.

If you need--

- Listen, forget the sermon, sambo,

just give us your wallet.

- Police officer!

Drop it!

Get out of the way!

- A car flew through the air, did it?

- Appeared to fly through the air, sergeant.

- Top priority international all-points bulletin.

"Captain Invincible, otherwise know as the Caped Contender,

Man of Magnet, Legend in Leotards.

If located, contact President,

care of U.S. Government. Buy U.S. Saving Bond."

- Sergeant.

- Yes.

- Nothing.

Camber, please.

U.S. Embassy.

- These orders are crazy.

We're putting the fate of the free world

in the hands of washed-up drunk and a green rookie.

- You got it wrong, Mr. Kirby.

The green rookie is for the time being at least

a proud possessor of the title "detective."

And she deserves it. After all, she found your man.

- In the case of American personnel, dammit,

the head of the FBI at least

should be marching in there

to give the son of a bitch his orders.

- After all he's been through, no one should give him orders.

No one can give him orders,

but a friend can ask for his help.

- That's you, right?

You're his friend.

- I intend to be, yes.

- I told you welfare broads a hundred times,

I don't need any saving.

- No, no, I'm a policewoman.

Remember from this morning?

- This morning was a long time ago.

What do you want?

- You, Captain Invincible, just you.

- You got the wrong party.

- Also known as The Caped Contender, Legend in Leotards,

and, last but not least, Man of Magnet.

- I don't what you're talking about.

- Oh, really? Is that a fact?

- Okay, what do you want?

- Well, it's like this.

The American government needs you to come and help.

- Oh, let me tell you.

"The world is in great danger, every moment counts.

Only you, Captain Invincible, can prevent

this terrible catastrophe," right?

- Right, how did you know?

- Because that's what they always used to say

to get the old horse out of the barn,

and it used to work but not anymore.

So you can tell whoever sent you here

that I gave up the hero business a long time ago.

- Well, you saved my life this morning.

That looked pretty heroic to me.

- Everybody makes mistakes.

- There are a lot of people who need you now.

- What about 'em?

I didn't see anybody putting themselves on the line

when I had the short end of the stick.

Towards the end there

I couldn't even tell the good guys from the bad guys.

Well, it's their hand cart, tell them to push it.

- Your country needs you, Captain.

The world needs you, now more than ever.

- Not me, kid.

Not me.

- Captain.

Captain Invincible.

Stop choking me.

I am your President.

- Oh, my God... Oh, my God, Mr. President, I'm sorry.

- Oh, that's okay.

I'm okay.

It's quite all right.

I guess I haven't got any right

to ask you for anything, Captain Invincible.

But I will ask you to keep an old promise.

You remember?

- Yes, I do, sir.

Yes, I do.

A very worthy ambition.

And when you are you can feel free

to call on me at any time.

- There's something else.

All those years ago when you signed that portrait,

you touched me on the shoulder.

And every since there's been a mark there.

Sometimes it, it smarts a little.

Here, see.

Let me show it to you,

just so you know I'm, I'm not kidding, all right?

Now wait until I'll get these buttons.

There.

And maybe you could give me a hand

to get that hook off the back, right?

That's it.

- Oh, the mystic mark.

- Yeah.

- The sacred bond that can never be broken.

- We need you badly, Captain Invincible.

We need you now real badly.

- Ah, stop!

I gotta get down!

Give me the bag!

- Are you all right?

- I'm dying and you're shopping.

- Don't you recognize it?

Have you any idea what a dry cleaner

charges for years of storage?

- Wonder if it still fits.

What's that? - Yours.

I spent the morning at some of your favorite pawn shops.

- My old wrist radio.

Good old American engineering.

You can't beat the double vacuum tube.

Look there.

Uh, she's not on.

- Sure it does.

I bought you some new batteries.

Uh, you don't understand.

She's not on.

- What does this unlock?

- Too many memories.

- Okay, let's try it without the harness.

- All right, and I gotta have a couple-

- Captain, it's only a few feet off the ground.

- Okay, all right, okay.

Give me the Dramamine.

What do I say?

- "Magnet on."

"Magnet on!"

- Twice, I say it twice?

- Uh, excuse me, sir, that's not right.

He's says, uh, "magnet on" when he wants

to use his magnetic ability.

To fly he says, "Begin program."

- As I understand that--

- No, he doesn't.

He says, "Begin program," when he wants

to use his amazing computer brain.

- Right, we've got it straight at last.

"Magnet on."

Are you listening, Captain?

- Yeah.

- Good.

"Magnet on" is for the magnetic ability.

"Begin program" is for...

- The, the, the amazing computer brain.

- Right, you've got it.

And to fly you yell out...?

"Into the blue!"

- Blue, blue.

"Into the blue," stupid!

- Good.

Let's give it a go.

- Okay.

Here we go.

Into the blue!

- This is not gonna work.

- Up!

Into the blue!

- Mayday.

Mayday!

- Tupper.

I think we oughta just call it a day.

- Number 19 calling Number One.

19 calling Number One.

- Number One standing by.

- 19 calling Number One.

- I repeat, Number 19, Number One standing by.

Having you anything new to report?

- Uh, yes, there have been unusual supplies

delivered to the opera house this morning.

- What do you mean unusual supplies?

- A truck load of gym equipment,

portable sauna, two wrestling mats,

and a case of Dramamine.

Since then every top cop in Sydney,

both commonwealth and local,

and U.S. military men have been in there.

And that lady cop I was telling you about?

She's with that slob

that's been getting all the VIP treatment.

- Would you be good enough

to elaborate on the slob, Number 19?

- He looks familiar.

He's probably one of those old has-been prize fighters.

- And old fighter.

I wonder.

- So I'm supposed to call you a police person

instead of a policewoman?

- Yeah, that's right, it's neutral.

- You mean neutered.

Then the word becomes horsepersonship?

- Mm-hmm. - Mm-hmm.

- That sort of joke's pretty tired these days.

- Yeah?

- I hope you're feeling hungry

because I'm paying for dinner.

- Okay, how about steak at Jack Dempsey's?

- Where?

- Or Lindy's or...

Listen, this is a stupid question

but where the hell are we?

Uh, uh, is this Wall Street?

Where is this?

- Sydney.

Sydney, Australia.

- Australia?

That's where I've been all these years?

No wonder the rats look so big, they were kangaroos.

Ah.

- Keep track of them, Number 19,

and alert all operatives in the area.

All good things must come to an end.

Tea time for Jeremy.

- Oh, what a great place.

Makes me feel right at home.

Where'd you get all this stuff?

- Oh, you know, flea markets,

garage sales, junk shops.

- No wonder I feel at home.

- How do you want your steak?

- Uh, rare.

- What do you want with it?

Bean curd, sprouts?

- What's that?

- It's too difficult to explain.

How about french fries?

- Perfect.

What is this?

Is this some kind of phonograph?

- Stereo.

- Huh.

She's not on.

- What?

- Never mind.

- Place is all yours.

Almost all yours.

- I was just looking.

Just looking.

I won't let you down, Mr. President.

Listen, I've got to apologize for acting so feisty.

I just haven't felt this good in years.

I feel alive and alert and vital and--

- Sober. - Sober, that's the word.

To the good guys, wherever they may be.

- The good guys.

- You paid $1.49 for seltzer?

- That's not seltzer.

- It isn't?

Boy, they saw you coming.

Patty, you know I, I can't remember the last time I had a.

I'm sorry, that's, that's my magnetic ability.

It's, it's out of whack.

- Think nothing of it, it's just my entire kitchen.

How did you get like this?

- Drinking.

- No, no, before you were Captain Invincible.

- Oh.

Long story.

- How do you feel?

- Out of this world.

- Ah, Mr. Surling, congratulations, it's a boy.

A big boy.

Come on, come in.

Come on.

- Where's the baby, Doc?

- Into the blue.

- And the less said about the end the better.

- So you stumble a little. That's allowed.

- Well, I was kind of pushed.

- What's wrong?

- Oh, I, I just don't know if I can trust myself anymore.

It's been so long.

Well, you saw what happened this afternoon.

- You'll learn to control your powers again.

It's like riding a bike, comes back.

- I never had to ride a bike.

- You're ready to throw in the towel, aren't you?

I haven't got a towel.

- Well, you can't give up.

- Why?

- For the one person who never

got a fair deal from Captain Invincible.

- Who? - You.

To begin with, he's going to use his amazing computer brain

to find our missing suspects, since all others have failed.

Are you ready, Captain?

- Yes, I am, Ms. Patria.

Thank you very much.

Do you have all the materials that we've talked about?

- Right here, Captain. - Very good.

- Sydney street directory,

registrations of all door-to-door salesmen

in the metropolitan area.

The appliance supplement to Myer's department stores.

A videotape of the crime scene,

both in normal and infrared.

A direct link to prisons throughout the world.

Their operators are standing by

with lists of recently released felons.

Are you ready, Captain? - Yes.

Ah, the glasses.

Where are the goddamn glasses?

- Right here.

- Start the books.

Wait, wait, I missed that one.

Cut!

Stop all programs!

Data analyzed, suspect identified.

98.9% certain. Suspect name, Harold Culligan,

aka Little Hank.

First arrest, 1961, Sydney,

stole vicuna coat and refrigerator-freezer

from Albert Tucker residence.

Learned small appliance trade in jail.

Current address and place of business,

Vacuum Sale and Repair Shop, 319 Broadway.

Broadway, Broadway, a north-south street

traversing most of Manhattan Island,

a central part of which is clustered with theaters

which have made the streets

synonymous with American entertainment.

Broadway first became the apex of this industry circa 1850,

when its central location

drove a fashionable impresarios and audiences.

From there, Broadway soared to a height of activity in 1920's.

Since then the number but not the quality of the theaters

has gone into steady decline.

Decline, decline.

"Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire"

by Edward Gibbon, chapter two.

It was scarcely possible that the eyes of contemporaries

should discover in the public felicity

the latent causes of decay and corruption.

The latent causes of decay and corruption.

We got it.

It's okay now.

We're all right.

- That guy.

That outfit.

It can't be.

- But it is.

After all these years, it is.

I knew that Captain Invincible

was beaten, broken, a drunken clown,

and content with the pleasure that that knowledge gave me

I foolishly stayed my hand.

- All I know is that they're getting too close for comfort.

- Calm yourself.

The only thing that they're getting close to is the grave.

- What the heck?

We're locked in, Patty!

Go see if there's a backdoor!

- Oh, Captain!

- What? - Cap!

- I'll try the window.

Hang on!

Hang on!

- Hey!

- Ah.

This really sucks.

Patty.

- I can't breathe!

- I know, they're sucking up all the air in here.

- Well, use your magnetic power.

- I can't, I don't know if I can use that

any better than my amazing computer brain.

- If you don't hurry up we won't have any choice.

- Yeah, all right.

Magnet on!

Magnet on.

- Don't fly.

Use your magnetic power.

Come down.

- Shit, shit, shit!

- Come down.

- Please.

- What are you doing?

- The electrical system.

I'm reversing the polarity so that the vacuums

blow the air back out of the room.

That's a fine thing to do now.

Patty!

Patty!

Whoo-hoo, ah!

No wonder nature abhors a vacuum.

I'll say one thing for you, Patty, you got moxie.

- What's moxie?

- Never mind.

Come on. - Where to?

- Headquarters. - What for?

- To find the traitor.

- 35 years I've been in New York.

35 years but enough's enough.

- Tony, relax.

Your ulcer.

- Relax?

How can I relax?

- All our residents have the same complaint:

the city, she's turning into a nightmare.

But here at Sicily Acres-- look,

she's heaven on a stick.

- It's beautiful, but the price is got to be-

- Uh, don't worry about the price.

For you, for you, we are paesanos,

I will take of you.

Now, why don't you take another look at our homes.

- I got to live here.

- A down payment, no problem.

You are going to live here.

- We are going to live here.

- And we're going to go home and pack.

- Reports from the housing developments

are excellent, chief.

All the sales figures have topped our expectations.

Everything's going great! Except for...

- Except for Captain Invincible.

Exactly.

I must say that his survival was rather surprising.

Seems that his abilities have returned

rather sooner than I expected.

However, I can assure you that he will not escape

the new trap that I have laid for him.

I shall destroy Captain Invincible for the second time.

- I don't understand why you're so certain.

Oh, my God.

- This is madness.

Madness!

We were meant to walk into this, Patty,

which can only mean one thing:

there's a traitor in your department.

What is it?

- Jane Fonda reading "Walden Pond."

- God almighty.

- They didn't stand a chance.

And how could this of happened?

Where are the security guards?

How come?

- Federal authorities have cordoned off areas.

Wanted for questioning.

Repeat, be on the lookout for Captain Invincible

and female companion wanted for questioning.

Wanted for questioning. - We've been set up, Patty.

We've been framed!

- Captain, I don't know how to explain all this yet,

but I think you're being a little paranoid.

- Paranoid, eh?

- Hold it right there.

- Come on, Patty!

Faster than a speeding jet!

They've found no way to stop him yet!

- There's only one thing, Captain.

- What?

- We're going straight into the water.

- Into the blue!

Into the blue, for Christ's sake!

- May I make a suggestion?

- Number One. Uh, calling Number One.

- I trust for your sake that you have a favorable report.

- It's fantastic.

Because of the hypno-ray

the occupancy rate of Sicily Heights is 98%.

- Most impressive.

- Thanks to the hypno-ray

we have achieved a 99% occupancy rate in Polish Palms.

- Excellent!

- Thanks to the hypno-ray

we have achieved 100% occupancy rate in Afro Acres.

- Excellent.

- Do you know what you've done?

Have you any idea?

You've thrown my whole career out the window along with me.

- No, I didn't. - Yes, you did.

They would have believed my story.

I'm not a washed-up drunk who pleaded the fifth

in front of a-- I'm sorry, I didn't mean that.

It's just that my career was just beginning.

Had a policewoman of the month badge

and three special commendations

in the commissioner's own handwriting.

- Well, I'm sure you deserved the commendations, kid,

but I don't know if you would have deserved

the ventilation hose you would have had

all throughout your body

if I didn't drag you out of there.

- How can you be so sure?

- Because I know who's behind this now.

- Who?

- Mr. Midnight.

He's the only one who's smart enough to have engineered...

He's the only person who could have engineered this thing.

Stolen the hypno-ray, getting the whole world against me,

it all makes sense now.

- Mr. Midnight. - Yeah.

My arch-enemy.

Hell, everybody's arch-enemy, as far back as I can remember.

- If he's that bad, what are going to do about it, Captain?

- Mr. President, I think I speak for all of us,

that is, all of us here,

when I say that we are not satisfactored

as to the conduction of the Seek Program

by the individual choiced by yourself, sir.

- What?

- We don't like Invincible.

He's a juice head.

A complete burnout.

- Gentlemen, I have absolute faith in Captain Invincible.

Your criticisms are premature and unwarranted.

That is all.

- Close down the sample home by noon tomorrow

and have all the other villages do the same.

You will then converge at the underground yacht basin

and await the signal.

Open wider, you silly boy.

There.

- The statue is 302 feet tall

and a gift from the people of France.

On its base are the famous words

by the American Jewish poet Emma Lazarus.

"Give me your tired, your poor,

your huddled masses yearning to breathe free."

- Can we go up in the head?

- Uh, no.

You see, that observation platform

was closed over 30 years ago by the government.

Now we're coming up to Ellis Island soon where...

- I can't wait much longer, Mr. President.

- There is danger ahead.

- What? - We cannot escape danger

or the fear of it

by crawling into bed and pulling the covers over our heads.

- I won't let you down, Mr. President.

I can't wait any longer, Mr. President.

- Wake up, Vince.

- Uh.

Sorry about the mess, Patty.

Truman used to send a girl in on Tuesdays,

but you know how things are.

- It's not that bad.

- Sorry, did you say something?

- No.

- Okay.

- What are you doing?

- I'm gonna find Midnight.

Got a battery of long range sensing devices

hooked up to terminals all over the country.

Ike gave them to me.

And when I plug myself in, I can literally feel

what's going on from the mountains to the prairies.

No, she's still not on.

- The American Eagle Network.

Captain, I hate to tell you this

but that's not around anymore.

- Don't say it, Patty.

I don't want you to bury any more dreams of mine

so just don't say it!

- I'm sorry, but I have to tell you

the truth about things that have changed.

- Things haven't changed, Patty, people have changed.

People and the whole damn country.

It's lost something.

It's lost something vital,

like, like, like, like honesty and pride, integrity,

and a sense of the future.

I tell you, when that happens to a country,

country goes right into the gutter.

- Well, you came back from there.

Well, you did.

- I'll tell you when this thing is over

I'm gonna sit in that chair and just wait.

- Wait for what?

That radio to start working again?

- Why not?

See that?

That's Albert Einstein.

He was a close personal friend of mine, Patty.

And he said to me once, he said.

Which means that the universe, Patty,

and time it, it goes on, goes on forever

all the way through to eternity,

and, and folds in on itself in a kind of vortex,

and then comes all the way back.

Well, fine, I'm just gonna sit here and wait.

Just gonna sit up here in Ms. Liberty

and wait for 1950 to come around again.

And with it Jack Dempsey, the Polo Grounds,

the NBC Blue Network, Harry God Bless Him Truman,

and maybe when hell freezes over

some good old fashioned pride in this country.

Okay, state of the union check.

I'm gonna start west and work my way east.

- You all right? - Yeah.

- Did you find out where Midnight is?

- I think so.

- Janice, I said no calls.

Who?

Well, my God, yes.

Why didn't you tell me?

Put him on.

- Good morning, sir.

- Oh, Captain Invincible.

Well, it's great to hear your voice.

- Thank you very much.

Sir, I have information about the hypno-ray.

- You do?

- Midnight's got it,

and I think I know where to find him.

- You do?

- Yeah.

- Captain, now you're sure about this Mr. Midnight?

- Mr. Midnight, yes.

Right.

Good.

Terrific.

Thank you, sir.

He doesn't believe me.

I'm gonna get sold down the river just like last time.

- He can't, he's your friend.

- Maybe and maybe not.

- I'm going to give him 24 hours.

- Come on, Patty, we've got work to do.

- A veritable feast of Thanksgiving

on this the eve of a glorious new order.

When the pure genetic Americans discover

what I have done to clean up that rotting cesspool

that they call New York,

their gratitude to me will be boundless.

They will carry me

into the White House upon their shoulders.

And our plan will spread throughout the entire land.

Gentlemen, I give you a toast to Operation Ivory.

In 24 hours, New York will be 100% pure.

Alas, poor Schultz.

I knew him well, Julius.

- Recognize that sign?

They had one exactly like it outside the vacuum repair shop.

- Coincidence?

- Where Midnight is concerned, there is no coincidence.

Hello.

- That's right, Mrs. Newsbloom, Israeli Acres.

But don't take my word for it, check it out for yourself.

But hurry, I hear they're almost all sold.

- Yes, I will.

Thank you, thank you. - Mention my name!

Can I help you?

- Yeah, I'd like a pastrami and a corned beef, please.

- Right. - Both on rye.

And uh, oh, anything else, honey?

- A pint of Cole slaw and a half a pound of Nova.

- And some matjes herring, and a little halva,

and some information about Mr. Midnight.

- Mister who?

- You heard me. - Captain.

- Listen to me, buddy, I've been in this shop 20 years,

I ain't never heard of Mr. Midnight,

or, or moonlight, or whatever.

- Yes?

Then why are you putting mayonnaise on a corned beef sandwich?

- Be with you in a minute.

- Duck!

You don't know Midnight, eh?

There's no need for the gun, Patty,

my powers are coming back.

I can feel 'em surging through my body.

I'll repel their bullets with my magnetic ability.

Magnet on!

Repel, attract, I'll get it right in a minute.

Magnet on!

- Oh, good God, this one's been sliced to death.

- Not a very pleasant way to go, Patty.

- He's not old.

- Huh.

And he's not Jewish either.

- Attention, all operatives.

Attention.

Captain Invincible will be within our grasp at any moment.

I want him totally destroyed.

To your battle stations.

- Your cockamamie story checks out, Patracia.

But we can't get that shaft open.

If it is a shaft.

- Uh, you gotta do something.

- Well, we're only human, unlike your friend.

Come on, you've got an appointment at headquarters.

- I thought I was cleared.

- Oh, you are.

But if you wanna keep your badge,

you better file a report that keeps my department

out of this entire fiasco.

- And what about Captain Invincible?

- He's on his own.

- Maybe he's not on his own.

- Into the blue!

Shit, shit!

- No, no!

- Oh, Gustav.

- Ah, just, just a moment, Gustav, please.

Now, would you mind repeating that

but a little more slowly.

I see, so our gallant captain has finally arrived. And then?

Into the deli, down the chute,

and into the garbage. Very appropriate.

Go on.

Unfortunate, but not entirely unexpected.

Thank you, Gustav.

You may go.

Oh, of course.

- You didn't think I'd make, did you?

- Frankly, I didn't think that you'd make it

into this century, my dear fellow.

You're a walking anachronism, Captain.

A paltry, puffed-up notion of a day long passed.

An entity whose tickets to oblivion is about to be punched.

- Well, that was really the pits.

- Congratulations, Captain.

It seems that some of your old skills

have not entirely deserted you.

- I don't need any compliments from you, Midnight.

I want the hypno-ray and I want it now.

- Same old dreary demands.

Self-righteous, messianic, moralistic,

and increasingly tedious.

- Fine talk from a sociopath paranoid schizophrenic

with delusions of grandeur.

- Thank you.

- You'll never change.

- And you will never win.

Now let's see, during our long association

you have, uh, changed brands quite a few times haven't you?

To begin with, it was retsina, as I recall

with just a little dash of hemlock.

And then your long flirtation with cognac,

during which you did rather overdo with Napoleon.

And most recently, a fine Kentucky bourbon.

- By plugging myself into them,

I can literally feel what's going on in this land of ours,

from the mountains to the prairies.

- And now.

- This is the American Eagle Network

broadcasting one last time.

For all of you out there who still believe

in fairies, heroes, second chances, love, and trust.

Captain, they're playing your song.

- She's on.

She's finally on.

Here I am again.

What's on the program now?

A little water polo?

- What's on is 30 years of research and development

controlled by that computer over there.

- Hello, Captain.

Pardon me for a moment, I have some business to attend to.

Attention, submarine fleet.

Assume attack formation and prepare to fire.

Midnight One, your targets

are Polish Palms and Israeli Acres.

Midnight Two, you take out Sicily Heights

and San Juan Sands.

What you will shortly see in that terrarium miniature,

you will also shortly see in reality.

- Commence attack, and have a nice day.

- I've sent back the repellent, repulsive,

genetically inferior, racially impure monstrosities,

back to the very just fate

that has awaited them all since the very dawn of man!

Congratulations, Midnight, you really are a genius.

You fumbled a big one on the one yard line.

Today New York, tomorrow the world!

- Magnet on!

Into the blue!

Magnet on!

Magnet on!

- Michael Lang with a special news break.

Moments ago, sections

of the New York State coastline broke away.

The ethnic populations trapped on the floating sections

were rescued by-- - Into the blue!

Captain Invincible from a submarine attack masterminded

by arch criminal Mr. Midnight.

Although this has not been confirmed.

Invincible vanished decades ago,

and his astonishing reappearance

stunned millions of New Yorkers.

Stayed tuned for further developments, film at 11.

- Patty, that was one terrific broadcast.

- Nothing to it.

Vince, all I had to do was get on your wavelength.

- Well, you're on it.

- We knew you'd come through for us.

And don't be a stranger now.

Let's have lunch together sometime.

- Right, right, we'll keep in touch.

- Yes. - Yeah.

I'm not a public speaker, or an expert, or anything,

but there's something that I'd like to say.

We've been through a great deal together.

Now it isn't all your fault but some of it was.

That's because a lot of us, including me,

have been thinking we're all alone in the world,

alone or part of some helpless little group.

And that what's makes us such easy marks for the bad guys.

But together we're not alone, we're not helpless.

Together we're part of the roughest, toughest, biggest,

kindest, fairest, best damn gang in the whole world.

Okay, Americans, this time let's do it right.