Original subtitles

Is she here yet? Is she here yet? No!

What's taking her so long?

Murphy was supposed to have met with her source from the CIA three hours ago.

Damn it, she knows all our stories depend on this. No, no, you too.

what I always say.

Patience is a reporter's best friend. I thought you always say perseverance is a

reporter's best friend. No, I always say intuition is a reporter's best friend.

Are you sure I thought it was perseverance? No, it's intuition.

I think you're wrong. I think it's perseverance. No, I'm telling you, it's

intuition. It's patience, damn it!

Patience, patience, patience!

Hey, Jim.

Patience.

There she is.

Hey, guys. How'd it go, Swagger? Yeah, did you get it? Yes, yes, yes.

Oh, look, guys, I am so sorry.

Sorry for every new show that isn't us because we are about to make journalism

history.

Here we come.

Oh, your source is so great. You've even got a great code name.

Jackal. So sexy.

Now, Murph, tell me, did you happen to mention to the Jackal that I was going

be working with you on a story? What do you think, Frank? That I didn't give you

any credit?

I give you credit.

I told him all the stuff that didn't make any sense was yours.

What? No, I'm kidding. I told him you were responsible for some of the most

important parts of the story that didn't make any sense.

Hey! Good morning, everyone. So, Murph, you don't keep me waiting. How did it

go? Did your source come through?

Look. Okay, I'm so sorry. You got it! You got it! I can't believe you got it!

How come that works with you guys?

Looks like we're going to be kicking a little CIA butt next Wednesday night.

So Murphy, you'll let me know when I can meet your source.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. You mean my anonymous source?

My anonymous, unwilling to divulge his identity, wouldn't show his face to the

likes of you in a million years, anonymous?

Yep, that's the one. You've got to be kidding me.

Look, as executive producer, I have to be able to confirm that everything we

is accurate, and I'm just not sure about this one. Well, hold it, Kate.

Miles was sure. He knew the jackal could be trusted.

Oh, Miles, Miles, Miles. I'm so sick of hearing about Miles.

Guess what? Miles is not here anymore, and you know why?

Because he did his job so well that they gave him a huge promotion with

truckloads of money.

Excuse me? Was I talking to you?

You don't have to take my word for it. Frank's by the jackal, haven't you,

Frank? Absolutely.

Although, to say I, quote, met him might be a little misleading. I mean, because

can you really, quote, meet a person when that person is a few blocks away?

is the real thing.

I'm afraid I'm going to need a little more than that to go on. So either I

the jackal, or I'm afraid your CIA story is dead.

You're a qualt idiot.

Hey, Murph.

When the Jackal gets here, I think it'll be a good idea if I do all the talking.

You? Yeah. I think it'd be a little better coming from me.

You know, we're both danger guys. We sort of speak the same language.

What language is that, Frank?

You know, the language of the night.

The squeal of a tire down a dark, deserted alley.

The glint of a stiletto just before you take one of the ribs.

The soft, sultry kiss of a leggy brunette. He'll betray you in the

you don't care.

Because you'd do it all again and come back for more.

Go sit in the car.

You know, you laugh it up if you want, but I'm telling you something. This is

serious. Do you know how many people want that guy dead?

people who could be watching us this very minute.

Trust me, Frank, if anyone's watching us, it's not him they want dead.

I think we've got a little trouble.

Maybe he's a janitor or maybe he's a foreign assassin disguised as a janitor.

Yeah, yeah, well, I can see your point. I mean, what would a guy who cleans up

be doing hanging around a zoo? It's just weird.

Exactly. You stay here. I'll check him out.

My friend and I were wondering, do you happen to know who won the World Series

in 56?

Yankees.

Okay.

Do you know who won the series in 55?

Dodgers. How about 54?

Hey, are you trying to pick me up? Me?

Really, I was just... He checks out.

Hello, Murphy.

Hi. Oh, hi.

Mr. Jackal.

A big, big admirer I am of your work. I mean, nobody informs like you. No, I

don't think so.

In fact, you said he was going to wait in the car.

So, is this about the story?

Oh, no. No, the story is great. The story is fine.

It's just that there's this little snag. Oh, what kind of snag?

Well, it's... It's nothing, really. It's just a tiny detail. In fact, I'd say

it's downright teeny, wouldn't you say, Frank? Oh, tiny. Teeny. Teeny -weeny. In

fact, it's such a puny little point, I hate to even bother you with it. Well,

you know best.

It's lovely to see you.

Oh, look, please don't go.

The truth is, I need you to come down and meet my executive producer. Just a

quick hello, goodbye, then the rest of the day is yours. What do you say? Can I

pencil it out?

Murphy, I'm hurt.

Other reporters don't ask their anonymous sources to come forward.

Did Woodward and Bernstein ask Deep Throat to meet their boss?

No.

Because when they met in that dark parking garage with Al Haid, they... Now

I have to kill you.

Look, I'm sorry I asked. Let's just forget this ever happened. Everything's

going to be fine.

Better be.

Oh, it will be. Don't you worry about a thing.

Everything's under control.

We're doomed.

This is just great. What are we supposed to do now?

I've got an idea.

I'm right with you. Okay, you distract the janitor. I'll bust open one of these

cages and find something to stuff into Kay's bed.

Hey, how about... I bet that could do some damage.

Okay, but how about this?

Now, Kay wants to meet the jackal, right? Well, she will meet the jackal,

least a jackal.

I hear you, Frank.

And the lemur will be back up.

I'm so glad I was finally able to convince you to do this. It's like I

yesterday, Kay won't do the story unless she meets the jackal, and, well, I just

appreciate your helping us out.

So you're sure you won't have any problems with this? My dear girl, I've

the last ten years with the Royal Shakespeare Company. I've drawn the same

boards as Olivia Gielgud and Sir Alec. I think I have the requisite craft to say

hello, I'm the jackal, without bumping into the furniture.

Well, let's hope Soralla wasted a lot of money flying you over here, putting you

up at the marquee and stuffing five -star meals down your gullet or your

chute or whatever you people call it.

I'll do my best.

Hey, it's me. Listen, can you come down here? There's someone here you've been

wanting to meet.

Uh -uh -uh.

You're just going to have to come down here. I'm not going to tell you anything

more.

Now, you sure I can give you any extra tips or pointers?

Oh, please.

Observe.

Pardon me.

Should either of you direct me to Miss Kay Carter -Shepley?

I'd be happy to call her for you. Who should I say is here?

I go by many names, but Miss Carter -Shepley will know me as... The Jackal.

Oh, my God!

Can you keep a secret?

Yes.

Enchante.

Wow.

Now say it to this hand.

I must say I consider it an honor to be in the presence of the Jackal.

You were great. Wasn't he great? You were great. You Yanks really are starved

for entertainment, aren't you?

Are you saying he's not really the Jackal? No, but he really had you going

there, didn't he? Oh, wow. When you said enchante, that's... It was great. You

just kind of threw that in there at the last minute. You consider that a

freebie? No, you listen to me. This is a devious, underhanded, blatant attempt

to deceive Kay, and all I can say is three cheers. That woman is cheesy as

Bye. Come along, Corky.

Our troubles are over. Frank Fontana has saved the day. I would like you to

meet the jackal.

got a jackal? I was supposed to be getting a jackal. No, you weren't. I

Remember I said we don't need the jackal. We need a jackal. Well, here he

jackal. Hi.

Look at this. Look, you just send this loser home. I've got a much better

jackal. He's right here and he's British. Go ahead. Say something

are you, Doc? That was great.

Hey, look, I will have you know I put in a lot of time to find just the right

jackal. It needed to be someone who was worldly yet had a cat -like agility.

And this is the guy?

No, no, this is Vic. He works at my video store. You see, we're a little

on time. I was dropping him off some tapes and I figured... Forget it. We're

going with my guy.

We always go with your guy. You know, just once. I would love it if you would

say, hey, let's go with Frank's guy because Frank's guy will be just fine.

Right, Vic? Right.

Who am I supposed to be again? The Wolverine?

All right, we'll go with your guy.

Agreed. Excuse me, is there a quiet spot where I can prepare?

Well, could you go there?

Hail Rome. Hail Rome. Hail Rome!

I didn't hear that. My guy's preparing. Yeah, well, I'm prepared. I'm prepared

to get my 20 bucks. Come on, fork it over, buddy boy. Hey, forget it. You

play the part of the jackal. You're not getting the money.

So, Murphy, who is it? Who did you want me to meet?

Hey, Carter Sheffley, I'd like you to meet. Hi, I'm the Jackal.

You're the Jackal? In the flesh.

The Jackal, what a pleasure it is to meet you.

Yes, and now that you have met him and seen that he's real, the Jackal has to

going. Oh, and when you look at the time, you better hurry or you'll miss

Oh, you're leaving?

I really need to talk to you. Yes, well, that's great. But, you know, as I said,

he's got this crazy overthrow thing, and they really like to start on time, and

he probably should be first. Oh, you're going to go eat while I join you. It'll

be my treat. Well, I'm not sure that's appropriate. You're paying?

I'm staying.

Lean on, toots. You know, now that I think about it, I feel like I'm going to

waste my time.

You're proud. I'm fully prepared and awaiting your instructions.

Oh, right. Well, I tell you what, you were great, but I'm sort of rethinking

whole butler thing, so thanks anyway.

Oh. And you better have your limey ass out of that hotel room in one hour.

And I gave up a Grey Poupon commercial for this.

Take together a couple of minutes and already I have a really good feeling

you. Well, great, then I guess we're done here. Oh, you're leaving? Oh, no,

there's so much more I need to talk to you about. I mean, your job is so

dangerous. What gets to you the most?

Well...

It's the screams of those I've killed that still haunt me.

Oh, well, you look at the crowd in here, not a table in sight.

Well, you can't say we didn't try.

Hey, wait a second. There's a table right here.

Okay, now, I want to hear how you operate.

Tell me about one of your assignments.

Oh, but you can't talk about that. He can't talk about that. I think it's

national security. Oh, yeah, national security. Well, that's okay. I don't

I don't know, you see, in my line of work, you have so many interesting

experiences. There's so many interesting stories to tell.

I mean, you've got action -adventure, you've got mystery, you've got suspense.

I remember there was this master criminal once who was trying to corner

world's gold supply.

That sounds amazing. What did you do?

It was tricky.

First, I had to seduce this female aviator who was trying to kill me. And

had to get the U .S. Army over to Fort Knox pronto. And then...

I had to kill this big -ass Japanese hitman with his own metal hat.

I saw that movie.

Goldfinger, right? Well, duh. Where do you think they got the idea? Did they

ever pay you for that? Because they should have paid you for that. I know

The guy that works down at the video store.

Did you hear what he said? The video store.

Four and a half more minutes of material and then it's open mic night. Here I

come.

Oh, my God. Look at the time. I've got to make a phone call. I don't go

anywhere. I want to hear more of your amazing stories.

Oh, don't you worry, sweetie. Nothing can pry me out of this chair.

All right. Give him his 20 bucks. What? He didn't do anything. I'm not going to

pay him for this. Give it to him. Right here.

Just give it to me. Okay. Are you happy? You got your 20 bucks. Now, Amscray,

you little weasel. It's Jackal.

Jack. Since you've been such a meanie about all of this, 20 bucks ain't gonna

cut it anymore.

No siree Marie.

I want 50 big ones.

That's 50 bucks.

Fine, Sam Frank. What?

Hey, where are you guys going?

Oh, well, you see, the jackal has to keep moving or he's a dead man. Did you

hear me?

I was just thinking how thrilling it was to hear the jackal tell all his amazing

stories.

And how sorry I am that 15 million Americans will never get that same

Really? Yeah, well, that's a shame. You had a hat when you came in, didn't you?

I'll do it.

What? I'll do it. I'll be on FYI.

Well, that's great. The biggest story of the year just got even bigger. Oh, wait

a minute. You can't do this. You can't go on the air.

That's right. What are you going to say? What are you going to talk about?

Are you kidding? He's got all those exciting stories.

Yeah.

I've got all those exciting stories. Yeah.

It's not like I'm a video clerk or anything.

Video clerk.

Why is that funny?

Okay, here's the plan. When the jacket gets here... Wait, over there.

Damn it, we were followed.

What? Where?

Don't look. Don't look. You know, I had a feeling about this ever since we left

the office.

Oh, no.

Oh, no, here he comes.

He checks out.

Hello, Murphy.

How do you do that?

Well, step out of the shadows like that.

You stand on the shadowy part, and then you step out of it.

Well, things have gotten a little out of hand since we saw you last, and, well,

you may actually find this funny, but remember... when we asked if you would

meet with Kay.

Yeah, remember that?

Yeah, but when you said no, we sort of hired a guy to play you.

And then that idiot Kay decided to put him on FYI. And now the whole world is

going to think that he's the real Jackal instead of you.

It's funny, huh?

Here's the deal.

We can't put this guy on FYI. and if you don't meet Kay, the story is dead. So

what do you say? Will you help us out?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Sorry for every new show that isn't us?

No, I'm just sorry.

You're going to have to find someone else to confirm the story to your

Oh, right.

We'll just have to find some other highly -placed CIA source who knows

everything. It's taken you 25 years to piece together.

Sure, no problem. No problem at all. Come on, Frank, let's go.

Hello.

I'm Kay Carter Shepley, and you must be the Jackal.

Five minutes to air, people. That is, if we have something to air, people.

Oh, how'd it go, Slugger? Did you get another source to confirm the story? No,

called all my backup sources. I called the Rhino, I called the Hyena, I even

called the Dung Beetle. The Dung Beetle? What did he say? Nothing. He's still

mad at me for naming him the Dung Beetle.

Maybe he's got something. Frank, have you got anything?

Shh, I'm on with the White House.

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

Okay, well, I understand.

Mm -hmm.

Thanks anyway, Chelsea.

Hey, listen, we're desperate, okay? You never know what a kid is going to pick

up around a kitchen table.

That's it, then. We lost.

We can't put that weenie video clerk on the air. We're just going to have to

tell Kay he's not the real Jackal.

Three minutes to meltdown, people.

Listen,

Kay, about tonight.

I know. It's so exciting. This show is going to win us all humble.

Yeah, look, anyway, there's something I have to tell you. No, wait. I have

something to say to you first.

You swore to me that your source was reliable and dependable, and I didn't

you, and I was wrong.

Yeah, well, that's water under the bridge. There's more.

If I could have been wrong about this, what else might I have been wrong about?

That's why I'm reconsidering every policy, every mandate, every change I've

instituted here at FYI.

Because you've shown me just how committed you are to the truth.

I love you, Murphy Brown.

Is my microphone supposed to be pinching my flesh like this? And you, sir, you

are a true American hero.

I am? Of course you are.

You're about to blow the whistle on some of the most dangerous men in the world,

and you don't care a whit what they might do to you. Well, you think they'll

mad at me?

Mad at you?

The fact that you can laugh at a time like this when you know what your life

going to become from this point on.

Meaning? That you'll always be on the run.

That the bullet that could end your life could come from almost anywhere.

From that makeup lady.

From that cameraman.

From that guy with the white hair by the teleprompter.

Who I've never seen before.

John, who is that?

Wait a minute, guys.

I just remembered. I'm not doing the show tonight.

What are you talking about?

I can't. I mean, it's spy stuff, you know, so I gotta go. Bye now.

Don't shoot me.

Please, sir, don't shoot me.

Oh, my God, is it something I said?

Did I just screw this up? Look, actually, Kay, we... Yes, you did.

Boy, did you screw up this time. You just said our big interview running out

the... door. Right, guys? Didn't Kay screw up big this time?

See, they all agree.

Boy, did you screw up big this time. I mean, I've seen some big screw -ups in

day, but you, my friend, you really, really, really... Where

would you like me to sit?

That seat over there behind that screen will be just fine.

I'm sorry, Murph, you were saying something?

Where did... How? Well, let me see. I knew from the beginning, and I'm just

good. I think that covers everything, doesn't it?

So, I guess this isn't a good time to say that you really should have trusted

me. No, no, no, it isn't.

But I suppose that the jackal did turn out to be legit, and his story did check

out, so I guess everything turned out okay.

Yeah, well, I suppose it did.

Maybe even better than okay.

How's that?

Well, when you stop to think about it, it was really probably a good thing that

I deceived you.

How else could we have gotten the real Jackal to do the show? So I think

owes somebody a thank you. Or a car. You know, I heard that when Diane Sawyer

went up to her executive producer, she got a Porsche.

I get a Porsche. Yeah, right. I don't know how I work under these conditions.

How does she live with herself?

She has to. Nobody else will.

from the creators of... Hello.

You must be the aardvark.

I'm Frank Fontana.

What have you got for me?

Are you trying to pick me up?

No, really,

I was just...