Original subtitles

Hi, I'm Murphy Brown. You must be... Must be your new secretary, Carol

and I think you're going to be very impressed.

Oh, well, that's great. I wonder, could you... Time to flip a letter for you and

make a copy for the file? Be my pleasure.

Wow, I always... Wanted a secretary who knew exactly what you were thinking?

Well, you found her.

Well, that's wonderful. When you finish that, do you think you could... Go see a

plastic surgeon about my huge misshapen nose?

No, I just wanted you to... Hang warning lights from my ears so I don't knock

anybody over with my enormous humper?

Stuff my nose with candy so the neighborhood children can bust it open

piñata?

Oh, Miss Brown, how could you be so cruel?

Okay,

that one was not my fault.

Morning, everyone.

What do you say we get the story meeting started?

Oh, dear, poor Frank is late again.

I'm really getting concerned.

How can we help Frank overcome his problem with punctuality?

I know. We can give him a wake -up call.

Or perhaps we'd use the buddy system. One of us could be responsible for

sure he gets here on time each morning.

Well, those are both really good ideas, but I was thinking of something more

electronic.

Something that could be inserted in his neck.

Something with a couple thousand volts that would snap his head back, throw

his jaw.

Maybe leave him with a permanent facial tick.

You know, something that says, hey, Frank, we really care.

Anyway, I'll be in my office when he comes in and gives me a buzz.

A buzz.

I'll see you guys. I'll be back in 20 minutes. Wait, where do you think you're

going? We're supposed to be having a story meeting. Well, I know, but...

Hey, did you ever have one of those days where something happens and you just

know it's going to totally change your life forever? I found a $2 bill next to

the vending machines this morning. Really? I lost one around there. Let me

it. That's funny. I found a Disney Anthony dollar coin next to the

the lobby. Really? I think I lost one there. Let me see it.

Hey, guys, actually, what I was going to say is I'm having a play produced.

What did you say? A play that I wrote is being produced. What do you think of

that? Not a... No, you swore to us that you would never... Okay, okay, listen. I

know the one act that I wrote a few years ago, really, it wasn't very good.

believe me, this time I made sure I didn't repeat the same mistakes.

You mean like not deleting the entire thing from your computer and then

salt on the hard drive so nothing will ever grow there again?

Okay, fine, you make your little jokes, but apparently the Ashley Theater thinks

my new play's pretty good. The Ashley Theater? That's one of the finest

theaters in the country. Your play?

Yes, in fact, they liked it so much, they actually bumped a newly discovered

Samuel Beckett manuscript to stage it. Your play?

Wow, the Ashley Theater.

Shows go to Broadway from there. Do they read it?

Yes, they read it.

I'm sure it's wonderful, Frank.

Congratulations. I'm happy for you, too, Frank. Me, too. Are you sure they read

it? Listen, I've got to go meet with my director. Can you guys cover for me? If

Kay finds out I'm spending even one minute of work time on this, it could

the whole thing down. We'll take care of it. No problem. Thanks, guys.

You are going to love it. I think it's four and a quarter hours long, but it's

so riveting you won't even notice there's no intermission.

Any word from Frank?

He's doing a play. You never know

from one moment to the next what life has in store for you.

There was a thin layer of snow covering the NYU campus the first day I met Dana.

I had just taken my seat in freshman English when from behind me came a

The words fell upon my ears like gentle kisses.

Can I borrow a pencil?

Thank you.

For God's sake, Frank, what was wrong with her? I don't know, George.

She's just lacking a certain... What did you think of her, Murphy?

I thought she was perfect.

Just like the last... Forty were perfect. Oh, come on, Murphy. We're not

looking. You're here to give me a second opinion.

No, Frank, I'm here because you drove me in today and I didn't have another way

to get home.

Not that it hasn't been riveting spending the last three hours willing

die. Look, I told you guys, this play is based on my life and a part of Dana.

It's critical.

She was my first love.

The one that got away. That's why... That's why it's crucial.

The actress who plays Dana has to have that certain... I don't know.

Yeah, but look, what do you think? We just, we keep going. Who knows? Maybe

next one could be our Dana.

Go ahead, Trent.

You never know from one minute. Thank you.

Come on, Greg, you didn't even let her speak.

Well, I know, but she just didn't have any aura.

Could you do it again this time with aura?

You never know. Thank you. What? She had aura.

She was oozing aura. Tell him, Murphy.

She was dripping aura. In fact, she was practically sitting in a big puddle of

aura.

Did you hear that, Frank?

A puddle! I'm sorry, I just didn't see it. I don't think she was right. And

look, George, George, it's not just the aura.

Our Dana's eyes have to burn with the intensity of a thousand suns.

A thousand suns, Frank.

You know, people take a sun or two.

All right, let's take five.

Don't worry, George.

George, we're gonna find a...

We're not going to find a Dana.

I don't mean to tell you how to do your job, but aren't you being a little too

picky? I mean, it only took you five minutes to cast the role of you.

Yeah, well, look at him. He is Frank.

Oh, man, this is hopeless.

I've got to leave tonight to cover the uprising in Chiapas. I'm never going to

cast this part.

You know, this is so typical of my life. I get this close to finding what I

really want, and everything falls apart.

Oh, now, Frank, that's not true.

Usually you don't even get this close.

Okay, Frank, look, why don't you have George handle it? He looks like he knows

what he's doing.

Murph, please.

He fought me on Trent.

No, no, no, no, no.

In order to cast this part, I'm going to need someone close to me, someone who

knows me, someone who... You know what?

I'll walk home. Oh, Murph, what do you think? Listen, I'm going to be back by

the end of the week. All you have to do is just keep an eye on George. Maybe

oversee things a little bit.

Oh, geez, Frank, it would be one thing if you were asking me to water your

plants. Even then, I'd tell you I'd water them, but I'd just let them die.

come on, Murph. You're the only one besides me who can do this. Will you

find our Dana?

I don't know, Frank. All right, this is Diane. I saw her in Sweet Charity.

Murph?

What was wrong with them?

Not enough sons.

Thank you for calling me back, Dr. Brunkley. I just need you to verify one

from my story. Now, according to an FDA official... That's my private line.

Could you hold for one second? Sorry.

Hello? Hey, Murph. It's me again. I can talk now. The government forces seem to

have stopped their shelling.

Guess not.

Anyway, about the curtains for the living room scene.

Geez, Frank, would you keep your head down? And stop calling me every five

minutes. I've got a story to finish. Hey, you said you'd take care of the

for me. You said you'd be back by the end of this week.

Yeah, well, you know, I can't... Oh, damn, my dad gave me that watch.

Anyway, about the curtains, I'm thinking chintz.

Frank, look, I'll take care of the play. You just be careful.

Dr. Brockway, I'm sorry, I just... Hello, Dr. Brockway? Oh, wait.

Ted? Is Dr.

Brockway on the phone again?

I can't believe I agreed to help Frank with his stupid play.

You wouldn't be calling it stupid if you bothered to read it, Murphy.

No, I found it to be a sensitive, emotional story of a man's lost love.

Which is surprising, considering it was written by a guy that trims his nose

hair with the office scissors.

It really is quite good, Slugger. Reading it brought to mind my first

How the flame of that young passion continues to burn, growing deeper and

with the years.

That's so sweet.

Doris?

Yes, let's call her Doris.

Murphy, Dr. Brockway on line three. Oh, great.

Dr. Brockway, I'm sorry about that. Now, I just need you to... Don't move.

I just need you to confirm one... Don't you shush me.

You have not returned a phone call. You have canceled every casting. We don't

have the data.

You won't come to casting?

I have brought casting to you. Go ahead, Trent.

I had just taken my seat in freshman English when behind me came a voice.

The words fell upon my ears like gentle kisses.

Could I borrow a pencil?

Uh -huh.

Is she listening? I don't think she's listening. All right, that's it. I quit.

Thank you very much. Goodbye.

George, wait.

Forget it, Blondie. I know I haven't been there for you, but as of now, I'm

yours.

Well, I suppose if I can forgive Isaac Mizrahi for brutally snubbing me at his

last party, I can certainly forgive you.

Murphy. If you're finished with your FDA story, I need to talk to you.

Not now, okay? This man is the director of Frank's play, and he deserves my full

and undivided attention.

George? Okay, maybe Barbara Walters would like to introduce Diana Ross

at the Kennedy Center.

Excuse me, George, this woman is my boss, and she deserves my full and

attention.

Well, for some strange reason, they want you to host the evening's event, and

they need you down there immediately.

Really? Let me get my coat. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

She is not going anywhere. She has got a little casting to do.

That's right. What was I thinking?

You and your friend here are bringing the epic story of Frank's life to the

stage. And how could introducing a musical legend to the leader of the free

world possibly compare to the thrill and spectacle of dramatizing Frank's first

boom -boom?

Go ahead, Trent.

I had just... Hold it, big fella. Look, look, I tell you what. Why don't we do

this tomorrow? I'll give you the whole morning, just you and me.

And my nail lady, I have a manicure tomorrow. Ooh, I cannot cancel that.

We're going to deal with this right now.

His words fell upon my ears like gentle kisses go.

Can I borrow a pencil? What do you think?

I don't know.

What do you mean you don't know?

I don't know. And I don't care. I don't care about any of this. Cast this one,

cast that one, cast yourself for all I care. Just leave me the hell out of it.

What are you saying?

I'm saying leave me the hell out of it. I don't want anything to do with this

stupid play.

Kay, wait, wait. Look, I really want to do this, but I'm not going to beg. Okay,

I'll beg. Don't make me beg. Hey,

guys. Any sign of Frank?

I haven't seen him.

I certainly hope he makes it. Hey, I'm just glad he made it out of Chiapas in

one piece.

Boy, you're not kidding.

Would have really been a shame if he'd gotten his head blown off before he saw

what a great job I did with his play.

Enough of this charade. You haven't lifted a finger since Frank left.

And look how well it turned out. You know, what you non -theater people fail

understand is that the key to mounting a successful production, that's what we

call it, mounting a production, is to delegate authority.

Do you really think Andrew Lloyd Webber paints the whiskers on the face of every

cat? I don't think so.

Maybe true.

But I bet he pokes his head into the theater every now and then just to make

sure there's a play going on.

Frank, thank God you made it. Wow.

It's my play. Do you believe this turnout?

Thanks, Murph. You really came through for me.

What can I say? You put your faith in the right person.

Excuse me, Ms. Brown.

George would like to see you before the show.

What is it this time? He probably wants me to direct the darn thing.

Hey, you know, he probably doesn't even know I'm here. I'll go down with you.

Oh, Jerry, Grandma Louisa, you made it.

Cousin Jerry, Grandma Louisa, I'd like you to meet Murphy Brown. Hi. You should

be very proud of Frank. Oh, I am.

Come here, Frankie.

Oh, what was that for?

Why can't you be more like your cousin Frankie?

He writes plays.

You write bed checks.

I've got to run backstage for a minute. Jerry, make sure Grandma Louisa gets a

seat. Come on. Oh, Frank, I'll tell you what. Why don't you go with him? I'll

run backstage. Well, you sure you don't mind? Why not? I've done everything else

around here.

All right, run these sound cues up to the booth. Go! You're not moving! Go!

it!

George, look, if you were going to apologize for what happened up in the

last week, forget it. No, no, no. Actually, I wanted to talk to you. You

how much trouble we were having finding a Dana?

I've decided to go a different way. Oh, yeah? How different? Pretty different.

Eyeliner. Well, when you say pretty different, you mean what? Like you

to go with a redhead or something? No, it's more radical than that. How much

more radical?

I'm playing Dana.

You're not playing Dana.

I'm playing Dana. Oh, God.

Oh, no.

Oh, no. Look, I tried to call you, but you wouldn't return any of my calls. You

could have left a message. Dear Murphy, Dana's a man. Love, George. Trust me, I

would have gotten back to you. I couldn't find it, Dana. And then I

remembered what you said, cast yourself for all I care, and then suddenly

everything clicked.

Okay, new plan.

I'll play Dana.

Can I borrow a pencil?

Let's study in your room.

Maybe it's the weed talking, Frank, but you're the goofiest guy I ever met.

I'm kidding.

Not even a five -time Emmy winner could make that believable.

One minute.

Ready?

Ready.

Oh, hey, Murph, Murph, look who's here.

The real Dana.

I sent her an invitation. Would you believe it? She actually showed up. Oh,

Hi, Murphy.

She is the one who is responsible for everything tonight. No, I didn't do a

thing, really. Nothing, nothing.

Good evening. The Ashley Theater is proud to present Life Changes, an

play by Francis X. Fontana.

Yay, Frankie!

And we are honored to have the author here with us tonight.

Thank you all for coming. As you know, this play is based on my life. Loosely.

Loosely based on his life.

Anyway, if I've done my job right, I think you'll see a side of me that

never seen before.

Anyway, enjoy and God bless.

moment to the next what life has in store for you.

There was a thin layer of snow covering the NYU campus the first day I met Dana.

I had just taken my seat in freshman English when a voice came from behind

The words fell upon my ears like gentle kisses.

Can I borrow a pencil?

I feel so lost and alone.

You're shivering.

Come sit with me by the fire.

Take off those wet clothes.

Are they boats, men?

Did I hurt you?

Move it!

Frank, are you okay?

You were in there for an awful long time.

What were you doing?

Crying, hyperventilating, trying to knock myself out with the toilet seat.

know, what would you think I was doing? I don't know.

I thought maybe you met someone.

We can laugh about it now that some time has passed. Some time, Murph. The play

is still going on.

Hey, Frank, where are you going? Come back to bed.

How could you do this? How could you sabotage my play like this? I told you

important this night was to me.

Okay, Frank.

I dropped the ball.

I'm sorry.

Great. Well, you're sorry.

Well, you know what?

Sorry won't cut it this time.

How could you do this to me, Murph? I killed myself to get this play.

just right so that people might get something from the heartache I went

But you, you just ruined everything.

Mr.

Fontana. Thank you.

That was the...

truest, most genuine experience I've ever had in the theater.

Well, hey, you know, really, that means a lot. How dare you?

You say you're my best friend, yet a friend does not reach into another

heart and rip it right out. And worse, you sat there and allowed my friends and

family to watch this train wreck.

Frankie, Frankie, I love your play. And I love no matter who or what you are.

Well, thank you, Louisa, but you've got to... Frankie.

You got me to face the truth within myself.

I am a bookie.

And I don't care who knows about it.

Well, well, well. I think we all learned something surprising about you tonight,

Frank.

You're a damn fine writer.

Congratulations.

Yeah, that was wonderful, Frank.

You proved that love is love in any language. Although, I think this

dialect may be illegal in five southern states.

Gee, Frank.

All these people gushing about how great you are is a little distracting. Why

don't we go someplace quiet so you can tell me more about how I ruined your

play? The audience liked it. That's not my point. But that is the point, Frank.

You set out to reach people, and you did that.

You touched people's lives tonight.

How often do you get a chance to do that?

That was very confusing for me. Oh, no, no, no, no. I understood completely. It

was all about how much you cared about me.

Yeah. And how all these years you wished that things had worked out between the

two of us.

Yeah.

You get it.

She gets it.

It sort of makes me wish that you and I could start all over again.

It does?

Yeah.

Too bad you're gay.

And it was a love story between two men, and you were one of the men. And, well,

I'm sorry, but it all leads back to gay, Frank.

It's really very simple. I can explain it. You see, what... Tell her, Murph.

Tell her how simple it is.

Oh, yeah. It's simple. Frank's not gay.

He's not?

No. Frank dates a lot of women.

I mean, he comes into the office every day boasting about another one of his

conquests. Frank dates so many women. Thanks, Murph.

Trust me, Frank's not gay. I know. I mean, I don't know. Frank's not gay.

You know, Frank, that was a really great play.

We were, um... Well, we were really in love back then, weren't we?

Were we?

Hey,

would you, uh... Do you want to maybe go get a bite to eat or something?

I'd like that.

You're a genius.

George,

I'd like you to meet Dana.

Oh, you're the real Dana.

Nice to meet you.

I see what you mean, Frank.

A thousand suns.

Exactly.

some great coupons.

Hey, Jim, have you seen the office scissors?

Oh, yes. They're over here.

I believe Frank had them last.

Frank was just using them?

Hmm.

I think I'll just rip it.