Original subtitles

Hello, my name is Murphy, and I'm an alcoholic.

Hi, Murphy.

Hi. Well, things have been going pretty well for me. I was in Paris where I

interviewed Jack Chirac. I found a new shortcut to work.

I took my son to his first baseball game where he learned his limit on hot dogs,

four, and I learned how super absorbent those big foam fingers can be.

Well, I think that's about it. Oh, and tomorrow I celebrate my eighth year of

sobriety. Who's next? Oh, I wish you had told us, Murphy. We would have gotten

you your anniversary cake.

That's okay. I don't want to make a big deal. Anyway, I'm not really a cake kind

of person.

At Barry's three -year celebration, she ate half the cake and all of the icing.

Murphy.

I've always found my anniversary to be a good time to take stock, you know? See

where I've been, think about where I might be going, how I can move on to the

next step in my recovery.

Look, I know I may not have gotten through as many of the 12 steps as I

have liked, but I'm... I'm already on the 10th step, and I've only been here

four months.

Now, Robert, you know we all progress at our own pace.

Oh, I know.

I'm only pointing out that I'm way ahead of her.

You know, Murphy...

I found the act of making amends to others to be a very liberating step.

Gee, I don't know. Make amends?

I'm not really very good at apologizing. Did I mention I just got back from

Paris?

I do it. It's just not practical.

I mean, do you have any idea how many people I'd have to apologize to? I mean,

the valet parking attendance alone would take years.

Besides, a lot of this stuff happened a long time ago. Half those people are

probably dead.

Didn't stop me from talking to Uncle Mike's grave last week.

Let me tell you what your Uncle Mike couldn't. Shut up!

Murphy, I know making amends is hard, but if you're going to progress in the

-step program, it's something we all have to do.

You're right.

I've done some pretty bad things to some pretty good people.

People who deserve a little less abuse and a little more consideration.

I guess I could give it a try.

Hey, Juan Valdez, when you spill cappuccino in an elevator, you clean it

Although, what's a little cappuccino on my shoes?

The Air Italia and the cappuccino's Italia.

It's not a big deal, right? So, anyway, I'm sorry.

You can go.

I can do this.

What's with all these rumors, George? All I'm saying is snoop around and find

out for me.

Listen, Frank, I have something I want to say to you, and it's not going to be

easy for me. Jack, it's Frank.

Go ahead.

Okay, well, here goes.

I just want to say for any of the times that I might have done something that

could have, you know, annoyed you or irritated you or upset you. Oh, thanks

nothing, Jack.

Find out anything yet, Frank? Not yet. Maybe I want to try to get in touch with

Ben over in legal affairs.

Anyway, Frank, remember that time you found that pair of nylons jammed inside

your 8 -track, and I told you it was... Jack Johnson, line 3.

And I told you it was Jane Fonda's way of finding you incredibly sexy.

Murphy, Murphy, you're leaning on my pad.

Yeah. Yeah, forget it.

Corky.

Uh, Corky, I don't know how to say this, so I guess I'm just going to come right

out and say it. Yeah, what is it, Murphy?

Well, remember that I just wanted to...

Hello? One second, Murphy. Yeah, Howard, what do you have? Corky, remember when

I accidentally bumped your car when you were parked in my space?

Uh -huh. Well, it didn't really roll down the parking structure.

I sort of bumped it all the way down.

Murphy! And while I'm being honest, yes, I'm the one who sent your resume into

Hooters.

I had nothing to do with them sending it back, though.

Oh, come on. You're plugged in. Don't shut me out. Do not shut me out, Howard.

You know what's going on around here. Corky, I have things to... Is that

Howard in accounting?

Oh, I've got to talk to him. Howard, remember the time I put that rat in your

wife's rod?

Murphy, not now.

Howard, are you still there? No, is there any truth to the rumor? Well, what

you mean you don't know? So anyway, Frank, Jane Fonda, nylons, 8 -track, she

never found you sexy. I stuck those nylons in there because I couldn't stand

riding into work with you every morning belting out voulez -vous coucher avec

moi ce soir.

Good morning, people.

Hey, Max, what'd you find out?

About what?

About that rumor that's going around.

Frank heard from a guy in affiliate relations who heard from a guy in New

that they're moving our time slot to Friday.

Oh, is that what this is all about?

Oh, that's ridiculous. They never move, FYI. You know what this means, don't

you? First they move our time slot, then our ratings start to dip. Yeah, and

then our advertisers start to pull out, and the network demands we renegotiate

our contracts.

And next thing you know, I'm going to be on Entertainment Tonight wishing happy

birthday to Dennis Weaver.

This happens all the time. The minute you buy a $5 million house, bang, they

move your time.

People, people, people.

These rumors crop up at the end of every season. So why doesn't everybody just

take a deep, cleansing breath and relax?

Right. Now, Frank, as I was...

What makes you think these rumors aren't true? Because if these rumors were

true, don't you think I would know about it? Trust me, I would know about it.

Miles, honey, is your hand shaking?

Can we get some decaf over here?

Okay, now that we've got that all settled, I'd like to see each one of you

office individually, and Frank, you better come first, and maybe we should

in. This could take a while. Hey, do you mind if we're talking about the future

of our show here? Okay, okay, okay.

Let's not lose our heads.

I will do a little digging and see what I can find out.

Oh, jeez, Miles. I'm going to have to wait for your digging. I'm just going to

go talk to Lansing right now and put an end to these rumors. Oh, no!

You won't.

You don't just bulldoze your way up to the network president every time you

a little rumor.

You've got to treat this like an archaeological dig.

You have your little pick, your little brush. You carefully chip away at each

level of gossip and innuendo until that fossilized nugget of truth is revealed.

Pick, pick, pick, pick.

up in Lansing's office. Oh, no.

Excuse me, Murphy, but you will not be up in Lansing's office. I am the

executive producer of this show, and as such, we're going to handle this my way.

But... Do not go up to Lansing's office.

Fine.

Say hi to Lansing for me? Yeah, me too.

I know you're the star, Jeremy, but your show can't have adults.

Why not?

Because it takes place in Kansas.

Kansas is landlocked. Didn't your greedy parents ever buy your map?

How about a duck?

Would you like a duck?

Stan, we have to talk.

Murphy, this here is Jeremy Fairchild, the star of our latest hit sitcom, The

Littlest Mayor.

Hi, Jeremy. Pleased to meet you. Yeah, whatever.

I'd better get my duck.

Get the duck.

He'll be on the set Monday morning, cooked in plum sauce.

Eat that kid. My only joy is knowing that that cute little boy someday will

just another unemployed child actor with a face like a troll.

What brings you up here, Murphy?

Well, Sid, actually, there are two reasons.

First, I know that you and I have had our share of disagreements over the

and I just want to say...

I'm sorry. Well, we're all sorry about something. You want to know what I'm

sorry about? I'm sorry that I didn't make the littlest mayor a cartoon.

That's what I'm sorry about. What's the second thing? Well, there are some

paranoid people downstairs who've heard the idiotic rumor that you're changing

FYI's time slot.

Moving FYI's time slot? What are they, crazy?

Your show is the 10th... pole that props up the entire Wednesday night schedule.

Without that tent pole, I mean, the top would go and all the acrobats would

bunch up.

You know what I'm saying? What am I, one of the Ringling brothers?

We're staying right where we are.

You won't move an inch, I guarantee it. Great, Stan. I'll go down and tell the

others everything's going to be okay. Good, because no matter what you hear,

are safe.

Why wouldn't I be safe?

That's what I said. You'll be safe.

Stan, when you say you'll be safe, you mean FYI will be safe, right?

You'll be safe. You already said that.

Then why are you still here?

Okay, Stan, what's going on? Murphy, we've known each other for a very long

time. And if I knew more, I would tell you. But this is bigger than me.

Oh, gee, Stan, don't do this.

It sounds like people at FYI might be losing their jobs. What am I supposed to

tell them? At this point, you can tell them nothing.

But, Stan, I work with these people. I've got to at least warn them.

Warn them? Warn them about what? You don't know anything.

You can't go shooting your mouth off without knowing any facts. That causes

panic. I hate panic.

It makes people run up and down the hallways, crying and screaming up and

the hallways. Although it might make a good movie of the week.

Panic in the Hallways.

This is just great.

Those people are expecting me to come down with some answers, and all I can

for sure is I'm going to be safe.

How do you think I feel every time I pass Wally's Safer?

He didn't hear it from me.

What'd you find out, Murph? Yeah, is it true? Are they moving our time slot?

Um, no. No, they're definitely not moving our time slot. Oh, thank God. Did

hear that, everybody? No need to worry. We're not moving.

When will you people learn to stop acting like a bunch of scared rabbits?

sky is falling. The sky is falling.

Here you go, Frank. 500 copies of your resume.

Well, I'm just happy to find out the truth so we can finally put this behind

So, Murphy?

What did you want to talk to me about that was so important?

Oh, yeah, what was it you were talking about? I don't think nylons, HVAC?

Oh, that... Oh, that's nothing, really. It was, um... It's just that eight years

ago today, I quit drinking.

So I... I'm just going to go make some calls.

Way to go, Frank.

What? How come you didn't know this was such an important date for Murphy?

Oh, she finally opens up her little heart to us, and we were too busy to

listen.

You're right.

She needed us. We weren't there for her, huh?

Well, we have to do something special to celebrate. I mean, this is a major

event.

What if we get her a little cake?

A little cake?

Frank, eight years ago, that brave woman in there turned her life around.

She overcame a major addiction.

We're going to have to do something big.

A big cake?

Okay.

Okay, people.

Can I have everybody's attention?

Your crafty and resourceful executive producer has done a little legwork on

time slot question.

Oh, about Miles.

Just a minute, Corky.

I have a friend who knows a secretary to an assistant vice president at the

network who was a little reluctant to talk.

But if I'm half as good as I think I am, I should have our answer by the end of

this week.

It's okay, Miles.

We already have our answers.

They're not moving our time slot.

How did you find out?

Murphy already went up and asked Lansing.

She what?

Miles, it's kind of a special day for Murphy. We're thinking about getting her

kick. Would you like to chip in?

Listen, you little number -crunching weasel. I want some answers about what's

going on around here, and I want them now. Who's your boss?

Oh, who's her boss?

Who's his boss?

No, he hates me. Let me talk to that other guy.

You went up to Lansing.

Well, yeah.

After I specifically said, don't go up to Lansing.

Tell me, Murphy, what part of that sentence didn't you understand?

Don't go.

Hmm. Sounds pretty clear.

Up to.

Easy direction.

I know you know Lansing. It's engraved on his office door. The very same door

you walked through even after I said, don't go up to Lansing.

I know you said that, but I went up... But you did it anyway.

And do you know why?

Because you don't respect me. From the day we met, it's business, constant

struggle. And even though I have proven myself time and time again, you show

absolutely no faith in me.

Oh, that's not true at all. I have had it. This is me having it. I have worked

too hard and too long...

not to be treated with respect.

If nothing else, I deserve that.

I respect you, Miles.

You know, I'd tell you to go to hell, but you wouldn't listen to me anyway.

Maybe we'll just split the cake two ways.

There you go, Murphy.

Thanks, Phil.

Look, I know it's been eight years since you had a drink and you're going around

making amends, so...

I got a little something for you.

Thanks, Bill.

That's really nice, but you didn't have a bill for $460?

It's for that night back in 78 when you trashed the place after Bobby Riggs beat

you at pong.

I'm still totaling up the damage for the Reagan years, but then aren't we all?

Fine, whatever.

I'll pay the bill. Why should this day get any better now?

What do you mean?

Something's brewing at the network and Miles is mad at me because I went up and

asked Lansing about it.

Well, that makes two of us.

Come on, Murphy.

When something's going down at the network, who do you go to first?

The president of the network or old Phil?

Old Phil.

What do you know, Phil?

Well, I'm not sure I want to tell you now.

Well,

I don't know how to break this to you.

It's bad, Murphy. Real bad.

The corporate bean counters in New York are sharpening your axes.

No more discounts at the company store.

Like I need another Dr.

Quinn backpack.

If there was more, would you want to hear it?

I think so.

You're talking major cutbacks at the network.

Yeah, I heard about that.

If there was more, would you want to hear it?

Go on, Phil. The news division is going to be hit hard.

Now, if there was more, would you want to hear it? Spill it, Phil.

A lot of those jobs are coming from FYI.

Frank and Courtney are gone.

Oh, that can't be true.

I wish it weren't, kid.

They don't want to pay for all three of you, and keeping you maintains the

continuity in FYI.

It's the new math.

One Murphy equals one Frank and Courtney.

Well, the new math ain't... I hate this.

Hey, I've been sitting on this for two days.

You know what it's like seeing Frank and Corky and not telling them?

I don't want to be the one to break their hearts.

On the other hand, I'm dying to ask Frank to settle his tab.

What the hell is the network thinking?

We can't do FYI without Frank and Corky.

I'm not going to sit still for this.

I don't think you have any choice, Murphy.

This one's way beyond your control.

Did I mention this stinks?

It certainly does.

Happy anniversary, kid.

Murphy, I would like you to read this and then sign it.

I have to talk to you, Miles.

Since we don't have the kind of relationship I'd hoped to have, I've

some rules of behavior.

A contract, if you will, an agreement between executive producer and reporter.

Well... Just sign and initial rules 1 through 37.

I've decided to leave FYI.

Excuse me?

I'm quitting, Miles.

You are getting soft, Murphy.

I expected you to do it. Lose your temper. Rip this into a thousand pieces.

Throw your Emmy at me.

Again.

Oh, but this whining.

I quit, Miles.

You disappoint me. No, just sign it. We'll go downstairs, get it notarized.

I'm serious, Miles. My decision is final, effective immediately.

What are you saying?

You? Quit?

FYI? No.

I wanted you to be the first to hear it.

Is it rule number eight?

No patting me on the head?

I didn't need that anyway. There, gone.

Look, whatever prompted this, you can't just quit. You've got to reconsider.

Congratulations,

Murphy. Eight years.

We're so proud of you. She's quitting.

What? She's leaving FYI.

Murphy, is this true?

Hey, it's no big deal. 20 years in one place is long enough.

Oh, God, this is horrible.

Happy anniversary!

We are so proud of you.

Wait a minute. You got a cake? Oh, nice going, Corky. I said, I'd get the cake.

You were in charge of getting a gift. This is just free. Now we don't have a

gift for Murphy.

It doesn't matter.

She's quitting.

What?

Is this for real?

Oh, come on, guys. You'll be fine.

Anyway, you know how I hog the jelly donuts in the morning?

I gotta go.

What are you doing?

What any self -respecting news producer would do?

Using my body as a human barricade so you can't get out?

I knew it.

They are moving our time slot. You're leaving a sinking ship.

FYI, it's not sinking. It's not the show. Then what is it?

It's just something I have to do. Why are you making such a rash decision?

deserting us.

I'm not deserting... We've been together all these years and you're just leaving

without any explanation?

First Jim, now you. I don't believe this, and I don't believe you.

Really, Murphy? Did it ever occur to you that maybe I have no other choice?

Oh, please. What are you saying? That the network is forcing you out? Come on.

Before they would do that, they would let me go and do the show with you and

Corky, or they'd let Corky go and do the show with you and me, but they would

never let you go. Never in a million years.

They'd get rid of both of us long before they ever got rid of...

That's it, isn't it?

They were going to get rid of me and Frank.

And you're quitting so they don't have to.

I've got to go.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

You don't know this for a fact.

Where did you hear this?

I didn't hear this. I'm still digging.

Pick, pick, pick.

I appreciate what you're trying to do, but we can't let you go through with it.

Really, Murph, this is crazy. You're darn right it's crazy. You can't just

out like this. That would be quitting. You're a team. You have to stick

together. Miles is right.

We are a team.

Absolutely. So we should quit as a team. No, that's not what I meant.

We're quitting?

Nobody's quitting but me, okay?

Oh, Murphy, Murphy, forget it.

If they don't want us on FYI, we won't stay.

Right, Frank?

We're quitting?

Frank, you don't have to quit. As long as I leave, everything's okay.

No.

No, Corky's right.

I've got to hold on to some shred of dignity here.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Would everybody just stop for a minute and think about what you're doing?

Be rational.

Quitting isn't going to help anything.

In fact, let's all just relax and take a deep cleansing breath.

There. Okay, now there's got to be another solution.

I think you're looking at it.

Let's go.

Guys, please don't do this.

It's too late, Miles.

We're not just pieces on some corporate chessboard.

We are people with talent and value who care about each other.

But I wouldn't expect management to understand that.

Oh, and I'll bring home some pizza tonight.

Murphy, please.

You know, Miles, health is so naive.

I thought that after all our years here, this place would treat us differently.

I thought we were special.

Stupid me.

Where are you going?

Down.