Original subtitles

Top to top, you better walk the walk, if you want to be with me.

If you got something to prove, you better prove to prove, if you want to

with me.

So let's see what you got now, baby.

Those actions keep cloudin'.

Has anyone seen Miles?

I need help getting a colored laser printer down to Morley's safe for his

hear security's doing a surprise trunk check tonight.

He's not back yet. He's meeting with Clive Walker's people today, don't you

remember? Sorry, but the only interest I have in Clive Walker or his people is

if one of them knows how to disable Morley's car alarm.

Oh, come on. Admit it, Murph. You want the Walker interview just as much as the

rest of us. One of the biggest music superstars in the world agreeing to do

first television interview?

Big deal.

Clive Walker is not a superstar.

Smokey Robinson.

Now there's a superstar.

Here he comes. A good old day. Sounds just like Jim talking about the Andrews

sisters.

Mike Walker is big. Even the Times compared him to Elvis. And not just any

Elvis. The post -Viva Las Vegas pre -jumbo buckets of buffalo wings Elvis.

Sorry, but I just can't get excited about asking some guitar -playing freak

it's like to sleep in an old abandoned missile silo. Don't Clive Walker's a

little eccentric.

If I had that much money, I'd be eccentric, too. Yeah, but when you

around in an old ratty bathrobe and Tweety Bird slippers, it's just plain

Oh, Murphy, you can't believe everything you read about Clive in the checkout

line. Although, remember the space aliens that supposedly crash -landed in

Mexico? Well, they say Clive bought the remains and keeps them in an airtight

container in his... bedroom.

That's right, and I hear that during rush hour, he buckled them into the

seats in his Humvee so he can drive in the carpool lane.

People are interested, Murph. Don't you think it's a little arrogant for us to

assume that we know what's best for the viewing public?

Well, I don't think it's arrogant at all. I just happen to know what people

should spend their time thinking about and what they should read and what they

should watch and what movies they should go to.

You know, I really should open my own website.

Julie Slugger may not be as clear -cut as you think. Why, even Murrow

interviewed Bogey and Bacall.

Yeah, but Bogey didn't have a baggie full of aliens in his bedroom, now, did

You never know.

Murrow didn't ask the question.

Hey, have you guys seen that dance of his, the walker walk?

Miles and I were at a wedding where if you gave a dollar to the groom, you got

to take a shot of whiskey and do the walk with the bride.

Well, I felt sorry for the poor girl, full figure.

So I made Miles go through the line eight times. Then he passed out on the

buffet table.

Hello, people.

You all remember our good friends from the network? Owen Tyler, assistant VP.

Bruce Webb, assistant VP.

Howard Davis, assistant VP.

Hey, didn't I see you pushing the mail cart last week?

So how do you go, Miles? What happened?

What happened? With what?

Stop toying with us, Miles.

Did you land the Walker interview or not?

Well, let's just say... Picture this.

Picture this.

The producers of all the top news shows crammed into a single waiting room.

Attention. So thick, you could cut it with a knife. It got so bad, when I went

up to go to the bathroom, those jerks from 2020 sabotaged my presentation.

Look what they did to Frank.

Oh, man.

Jeez, can you believe this?

Yeah, that's terrible. So who got the interview? I just want to say, for those

of you who didn't get chosen, you are all strong candidates.

Oh, God, it's Murphy. I knew it. No, wait a second. I didn't say that.

So who did Clyde pick then?

Murphy.

It is not fair. I never had a chance. I mean, would you choose this guy?

The Hitler mustache doesn't exactly say, relax, you're in good hands. I'm sorry,

but that's just the way they decided to go.

Well, then that's too bad. They can go there alone. I'm not doing this

interview. Wait just a second. Not gonna happen, Miles.

Good. Mull it over.

Listen, guys, she gets like this sometimes.

It's nothing I can't handle. It's barely a blip on the screen. The network

doesn't want a blip on its screen. The network likes a blip -blip screen.

Lose the blip.

All right, look.

I know you're not happy, but we are talking about a major television event

A first -time exclusive interview.

Huge ratings.

Oh, huge ratings. Well, then, that's different. Because if I'm going to

compromise my journalistic integrity, I want to make sure I do it in front of as

many people as possible.

Forget it, Maz. Just go find some other chump. There is no other chump. There's

just you and the network. And the network is not going to budge this time,

Murphy. Yeah, well, we'll see. I'm just going to call it a stand. It won't work.

Okay, I'll go up and see that other guy. That won't work either.

Can you see, Murphy?

You're dealing with a glacier.

A humongous network glacier.

A humongous network glacier that's fourth in key demographics, that's

to do this interview, and, most importantly, a glacier that's got you

in an ironclad contract.

You don't defy the glacier, Murphy.

It's wounded. It's angry.

It's snapping in all directions.

Snapping glacier?

You just have to do it.

For every... And all I'm saying is it's against my

policy to clear out this place for any VIP.

I didn't even do it for Billy Graham, and he threatened me with eternal

damnation.

Okay, we'll make it worth your while. How much is this place making a normal

lunch hour?

$20 ,000.

Consider it done. Oh, of course that doesn't include tips.

How much do you make a tip?

$20 ,000.

Hello.

I'm Clive Walker.

Oh, wow, God.

Gosh, swoon.

Let me just get this over with. Oh, gee, I hope my bodyguards didn't give you

any trouble.

They can be a little enthusiastic.

Most of the time, it's not much of a problem. Except when I go to football

games, they clear out a huge bunch of seats, the wave gets to me, boom, just

sort of stops.

I guess a lot of people think that's a good thing.

Look, Clive, I don't know what you've heard, but if you think I'm flattered

you picked me for this interview, I'm not.

Picture.

Oh, well, I don't know what they told you, but I didn't exactly think you. Oh,

you see, I kind of flipped through the TV guide and went, boop, and landed.

Well, no, first I landed on one of those little Bo Peep figurines, the Franklin

man. Oh, gee.

But when I tried again, I landed on you.

Really? I would have had you pegged for more of an eeny, meeny, miny, moe kind

of job.

Okay.

Look, Tex, I'm a journalist, and the bottom line here is I don't think you're

news. Truth is?

I don't think I am either.

But every time I open up a magazine, I seem to be in it.

Yeah, but those are the same magazines that run stories on two -headed devil

babies and what Burt Reynolds looks like without his toupee.

Now I'm starting to think I should have stuck with Little Bo Peep.

Look, Clive, I'm really not the right person for this interview.

So, why me?

Truth is, Murphy, you're the best at what you do.

I figure if I can get past some of your questions on national TV, I might be

able to put an end to some of those stupid rumors about me.

Like why a grown man would sleep in an abandoned missile silo? Oh, that one's

still kicking around.

Well, I'll give you my permission to walk my ranch up one side and down the

other, see if you can find it. Just do me a favor, don't disturb the Martian

family living up in the oak tree. They get mighty jumpy.

Okay, just explain this.

You live in a place with a Ferris wheel and a petting zoo in the backyard, and

you call it the Happy Time Ranch. What the heck is that all about?

Fair enough.

My mama died when I was a kid.

I had to raise six brothers and sisters.

My dad worked at the steel mill, which is where I went when I dropped out of

high school, so I didn't have much time for childhood.

I guess I'm just trying to get a little bit of that back.

Your manager said you'd want a partner.

Here you go. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. You're welcome.

That'll be $860.

Want a Coke?

Oh, man.

The network has Murphy going on another talk show tonight. She hasn't even done

the Walker interview yet. What could they possibly ask her?

I guess the same thing the New Yorker and People magazine already asked her.

What are the sociopolitical ramifications of Clive Walker's music?

And how does she think she looked with a Jennifer Aniston haircut?

You know, I was in favor of this interview until I learned the network

three primetime specials from Clive Walker's record company. It's one of

you scratch mine, I'll scratch yours situations.

Well, I, for one, am plenty happy scratching my own. Thank you very much.

Okay, so if you watch E .T. tonight, this will be on right after the

we got with Burt Reynolds.

He's going to show us what he looks like without his toupee.

I'll be sure to tape it.

You know, Murphy...

The cameras aren't rolling. Come clean.

How did you land that interview with Clive Walker?

Oh, I just closed my eyes and wished real hard.

Come on, Murphy, if that worked, John Tesh would have spent the last hour here

with you instead of me.

Murphy, Redwood called to thank you for the recipe you sent for their cooking

with Murphy story.

You sent in a recipe?

Well, it's part of the Clive Walker interview hype. I don't know. What did I

send in again, Corky? Granny Sherwood's recipe for faux apple pie.

Just like the real kind, only use Ritz crackers instead of apples. Tastes real

good.

That's my favorite recipe? Ritz cracker pie? What's my favorite drink? Corn

squeezes? Boy, this is just humiliating. Hey, guys. What's up? What do you

expect when you have to do something you don't want to do?

starts with a Clive Walker interview and ends with me posing on top of a

haystack for the cover of TV Guide.

Poor Murphy.

I hate to see her like this.

Heartbreaking. But you thought it was a great interview.

You all wanted it.

Yeah, we did until we saw what you're putting Murphy through.

What I'm putting her through.

But I'm just an innocent little penguin for tipping his eggs on this humongous

glacier.

You can't hide behind your metaphors forever.

Now, you can take your flightless wings and you just waddle on in there and you

comfort her.

But it really is a great interview. I said waddle.

Murphy, can I have a word with you?

Yeah, sure. What is it? Well, look, I know the network. force this interview

you, and I know I went along with it, and I know you're not happy about it.

even though there's nothing I can do about that now, maybe you would feel

if you could take your frustrations out on me.

So, go ahead.

But please bear in mind that Corky and I have discussed having children someday.

Miles? I haven't even touched you!

Oh.

What's that?

This? Oh, this is, uh...

Okay. You want to know what it is?

It's photographs of me sitting on that haystack.

But I thought you didn't want to have anything to do with that.

Well, I do.

I, uh... I like doing this interview.

I like that every journalist on the planet is jealous of me.

And I think I look pretty damn good on this haystack.

Really? You like it? Yeah.

surprise, isn't it? I mean, I always thought that if I crossed this line into

this kind of interview that something bad would happen. Lightning would strike

or something, but nothing has so far. No frogs, no boils, no locusts.

Miles, liking this doesn't make me a bad journalist, does it? Of course not.

I mean, it's not like I'm going to go easy on the guy. You go easy? Huh?

I'm going to be just as tough on him as I would on anybody else. There'll just

be an extra 40 million people watching, that's all.

million people for my interview.

On my show.

Listening to my penetrating questions.

Seeing my name roll by on the credits.

Being my thoughtful analysis.

Seeing my name roll by on the credits.

We are good.

We are very good.

Partner.

Oh,

Miles.

Um, if you don't mind, I'd appreciate your keeping this between us.

I took a pretty tough stand against his interview, and, you know, it wouldn't

look good if people saw me backing away from that. Oh, here.

I understand.

Thank you.

You think I like going on all these stupid talk shows, Miles? Do you? Do you

think I have any small problems with Charles Brown? I know how difficult this

for you, Murphy. I am so sorry. Sorry?

You think that makes it better?

Sorry, is that what you think?

Sorry. Ow!

You never mentioned me.

Jeff Foxworthy.

We need more light on the stage.

How's the sound level?

Get that thing away from the table!

Our umbrella policy doesn't cover llamas.

Okay, Miles, crew's all set. Well, except for Carl. He had too many

threw up on the tilt -a -whirl.

This is going to be huge. I'm seeing Super Bowl XVI. Bigger. Mash. Final

episode. I've got three words for you. Who shot J .R.? Who did shoot J .R.?

I don't know. My parents wouldn't let me stay up to watch it.

Is this place amazing or what? Who would have thought you could make so much

money by rhyming walk with talk?

I just don't understand it. Miles, we're television executives.

There are some things we can never hope to understand yet must seek to exploit.

Things like injustice.

Human suffering.

Tori Spelling.

I mean,

this is Murphy Brown we're talking about here. She's a serious journalist who

will ask serious questions. She brings an awesome power and weight to

she does.

I think he just

sneezed on my tie.

I finally met a Republican I like.

Yeah, yeah, nice elephant.

But did you check out that unsupervised Sunday bar in the video game room?

Are you kidding? I crouched under that sucker, hit the button, and let the good

times roll.

What the hell is this?

Well, it's this.

This is the set where we're going to do the interview.

Really? I don't know, Miles. It doesn't really capture the charm of the place.

What do you have in mind?

Well, originally, I thought we could go with the filter world, but now... Maybe

the carousel's the way to go.

John, Carl hasn't been on the carousel yet, has he?

Not yet.

Okay, quick, let's move it to the carousel. Fine with me.

Moving to the carousel!

So, let's review, Murphy.

I ask you to do something, you do it, and then you're happy to have done it.

So, what have we learned from this little experience?

Not to our $200 Oxfords around free -range elephants?

Our places, people, we are live in 25.

Carousel's a great idea, Murphy.

Hey, Clive, you all set to go? Yeah, well, whenever you are.

Okay. Well, you just relax, try to ignore the cameras, and try to forget

the only people not watching tonight are the Amish infants and...

Who are we kidding? Even Amish infants are going to be watching tonight. I'll

my best.

Okay. All right, find a partner. We are live in five, four, three, two.

Live from the Happy Time Ranch in Leesburg, Florida, a special edition of

Here now is Murphy Brown.

Good evening.

For your information tonight, we'll be speaking with music superstar Clive

Walker, whose work has managed to bridge the gap between rock, pop, and country

and stands as a dramatic example of crossover success.

In his first ever televised interview, the five -time Grammy Award winner will

answer questions about his work, the bizarre rumors about his life, and the

number one single that has made him responsible for the nation's latest

craze, The Walker Walk.

Clive, welcome.

Oh, thank you, Murphy. But I think I should point out to you, I'm really not

responsible for that dance.

No kidding. No, the kids started doing it. My conscience just sort of caught

off. I'll tell you something else. I've never actually done it myself.

Really? Well, maybe we can talk you into trying it tonight. Oh, I'll make a deal

with you. I'll do it if you will.

All right. You're on, boys.

Oh, no.

There, have the dance. All right.

I have never done this dance before. Neither have I. Ready? Let's go.

That's it. Oh, you're good at this.

I think it's a little more. That's it. That's it. Oh, look at you. You're a

natural at it. Here you are.

Well, I have been told I've been blessed with an uncanny sense of rhythm. Well,

I can see that, Murphy.

All right, all right. That's about enough.

Maybe we should take a short break now. When we come back, we'll talk about

Clive Walker's childhood and take a guided tour.

On the happy time ride.

We're walking in the commercial.

Okay. Bye all.

Bye all.

Did you see that? Pretty neat, huh? The way I got him to do that dance for the

first time. And how about me? Not too shabby for a first time walker, huh? The

Pentagon has issued a statement labeling the incident a calculated and cold

-blooded act of war.

And the president has vowed to retaliate.

Response in the House and Senate has been muted.

Members of both parties offering their... Oh, I'm sending troops.

Oh, no.

It can't be a war. Not tonight.

Maybe it's just a skirmish. Sometimes they think it's a war. It's really just

skirmish. You heard what I heard, Murphy. It looks big.

Okay, okay. We could put it in a little box at the top of the screen, and then

after I turn the monkey cages, we could cut to New York. That sounds okay,

doesn't it?

Oh, God. What am I seeing?

We can't do this tonight.

All right, we all know the drill.

I'll make a brief statement, then we can send it to New York. Are you going to

just cut to New York now?

We're sticking with the Walker interview.

What? You're staying with the interview?

Coming from the top.

I don't care. Let me talk to Stan. This isn't Stan. This is bigger than Stan.

Much, much bigger than Stan.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's going on here?

We wouldn't allow those long spaces here at half the time. One of our aircraft

carriers just got attacked in the Mediterranean.

There seems to be some confusion as to what we're going to cover.

Oh, geez, I hope not.

My record comes out tomorrow, and I'm going to have time to mess around, as

as I'm concerned. We do this tonight or not at all? Oh, no, no, no, no, no. We

do this tonight.

Definitely tonight.

All right.

Let's do it.

All right, 20 seconds. We can't do this. There is a major news story happening.

Oh, you're right. There is a major news story, and this is it. And this comes

from the top. The tippy -tippy top.

So let's go.

Well, fine. You want to go?

Let's go.

All right, we're back in 5, 4, 3, 2... Welcome back.

Minutes ago, an American aircraft carrier was attacked in the

president has described it as an act of war.

Unfortunately, that will be the extent of our coverage this evening. For

details, I suggest you switch to another station.

But if you are more interested in the overindulged lifestyle of a pampered pop

music star, you're in the right place.

So, Clive, tell me, what do you look for when you're buying a hat for an

ostrich? Oh, well, now, that's a toughie.

I guess it all depends on the personality of the bird.

Now, Elmo there, oh, he's a classy fella. So for him, I went with the

Now, Janine over there, she's more the playful type. So for her, I went with

straw boater, which she proceeded to eat.

That's when I bought her that little helmet. Oh, she just loves that one.