Original subtitles

Hey, Corky.

Nice shoes.

Are they new?

No. Well, on you they look new.

Thanks. Smile.

I'm going to the Smithsonian tomorrow night. You want to come?

They're having this great charity event. Oh, yeah. I read about that.

America sits on it. From Washington's commode to Norm's barstool.

Sounds really fun. How about I pick you up? Well, actually, some friends would

be going with us. Oh, okay. But we could go alone.

Oh, friends would be great. Great.

Hey, have you shared your first soda at the mall yet, or are you waiting until

after the big hayride?

Miles, did some male spinster just say something somewhere? Or was it just my

imagination?

Hey, do you think if I... and my navel pierced. I'll regret it. Only when I

it.

Before we get this party started, I just visited with the brass upstairs and,

well, I have a bit of a bombshell to drop.

Dear Lord, they're planning the company picnic again, aren't they?

Well, if they think I'm going to bob for apples in the tub of water that Andy

Rooney's already had his face in, they're sadly mistaken.

Easy there, Jimbo. Actually, I have been asked to revamp the network's hip new

magazine show, The Next Wave. And before anyone says anything, let me just say

that FYI has been running smoothly for a long time.

You people do your jobs very well, and I don't think my split focus will affect

things here at all.

Perfect.

Well, I mean, it might affect things here a little.

No, it really won't, Miles. Yes, it will.

I take care of hundreds of things you people aren't even aware of. And that

doesn't even count the things I do on show night. Oh, please, on show night,

you do is stand at that little wheelie podium thing and do this.

I can't believe how blasé you guys are being about sharing Miles with another

show. Thank you. I mean, when I went off to do the next wave, you treated me

like I was some kind of leper. That's because when you went on the next wave,

stole our time slot. Now it's up against ER.

Oh.

Okay, hey, good luck to you.

Look, Miles, if it'll make you feel any better, you're crucial, invaluable,

irreplaceable. Thank you. But by Tuesday, we'll have forgotten your name.

So who replaced me as lead anchor? Here might be Steve Croft?

Um, no, it's not Steve. Paula Zahn was rumored for a while.

She's good, but it's not her either.

So who is it? Who's replacing Frank?

Miller Estes. Who?

No idea.

Miles, would you stop playing the coy geisha and spit it out already?

Miller Redfield, okay?

Miller Redfield's lead anchor. Miller Redfield?

They're replacing me with Miller Redfield? What happened? MTV wouldn't

Beavis or Butthead out of their contract?

Who's Miller Redfield? Oh, he's his airhead anchor they tried to put on FYI

once. Last time we saw him, he was doing the weather report with a hand puppet.

And the amazing thing is, when Miller spoke, you barely saw the puppet's mouth

move.

Talking about a blonde, charming, real sexy in that Dan Quayle sort of way?

You find Dan Quayle sexy?

Oh, my God, are you kidding? I'd kill for him to father my child, wouldn't

All right, guess not.

Guys, I had no choice.

He was already fined, and they gave me free bullets tickets for not making a

fuss. Well, I'm sure that'll be fine consolation when he mispronounces Newt

Gingrich on your opening broadcast.

Hello, everyone.

Long time no see.

Miller! Hey, everyone, it's Miller.

Well, well.

Speak of the devil.

Okay.

sometimes goes by the name of Satan.

Is it some sort of network hazing ritual?

Hey, man, congratulations on the new show. Hey, thanks, Frank.

I hope they're no hard feelings.

Hey, for what it's worth, the gig is a killer. They actually have me watching

three hours of this Newt Gingrich guy babbling about some contact with

Hey, what's that all about?

I've got a next wave meeting to get to. It is great to have you on board, big

guy. Really, really.

I hope those tickets are centered court miles. They damn well better be.

I can't believe you guys are all still here.

Maybe they should rename this show The Old Wave, huh?

You're the new kid, right?

Know how I could tell?

No. How?

I've never seen you before. See?

That's a reporter's instinct at work.

Give it time, you'll develop it too.

You know, Miller, not that we haven't missed that dull, vacant look in your

eyes, but with miles of minutes on our own, we've all got a lot to do. Right,

guys?

I'll catch you later, guys.

Well, happy for your new job, Miller.

Told you I'd be back.

Back for you.

That was three years ago.

Three years of brutal agony.

Really? Oh, yes.

Every time one of my thrilling but meaningless sexual encounters with some

woman ended, all I could think about was you.

And whether the pickup truck idling out front belonged to her husband.

I have to tell you, Miller, I'm not the person you remember.

I've changed.

No, I know. You know, I could tell immediately.

You've got bangs now.

And there's also some highlighting there, too. Am I right? Hey, don't be

embarrassed. I do it, too.

Actually, I was talking about inner changes.

Hey, I don't need to know about that internal lady stuff.

That's between you and your genealogist.

I'm not going to deny there wasn't something there between us, but... This

about your husband still, isn't it?

No, Will and I are divorced.

Really? That's great.

I mean, that's sad.

I mean, that's great, but in a sad way.

I mean, that's sad, but in a great way.

It's okay, Miller. I think I know what you mean.

Good, because I was losing track.

What I wanted to say, Corky, is that now that there are no obstacles between us,

why, we can do whatever we... Wait a sec.

Do you have kids?

No. Phew, dodge that bullet.

Yeah, but you can have them, right? Whoops. Oh, that goes back to that

OBGB stuff again.

Gee, I guess all roads lead to that place, huh?

Uh, Corky, I'm going to be taking off early today. Tell the guys I'll be in

around noon tomorrow.

Miles always has a beer by 10.

Yep, that's my history.

I'll see you at noon.

Miller, listen.

I'm flattered by your interest. Really, I am.

It's just that there's some other things in my life right now, and I just don't

think it's the time for us to get involved again.

You're here, and I'm here, Corky.

And if there's one thing you should know about Miller Redfield, it's that he is

nothing if not persistent.

He's back, and he's not going away.

that the meeting wasn't starting till 12. That's right, 12, not 1220. But hey,

it's no biggie. In fact, why even bother to come into work at all today? Why not

make today a frank day? Go home, draw yourself a nice bubble bath, experiment

with a new hair color, go shopping, try on a whole bunch of hats.

It was 20 lousy minutes. What do you want, my liver?

Now, where were we?

Oh, right.

Did anyone see Leno last night? He swallowed a fly. Are you sure? I

tell if it actually went in his mouth or just flew away. Oh, yeah, it went in,

but I didn't see it come out.

Hey, did you get to see Letterman last night at the top ten list? Was there

anything on it that helps us with this story meeting?

No. Well, then maybe you can share it with us later. Well, how come you can

about Leno, but I can't talk about Letterman? Because I was on time.

Oh, my God.

Who are you people?

You look... Just like the group from FYI, but you're all here working.

So, how's it going?

Good.

That's my team. Listen, I just dropped by to pick up some tape, but I heard

Martin Scorsese wants to do the show, and I think we should grab him. Now, who

can tackle him? We can take care of him, Al. Of course you can. What am I doing?

Go on. Make me proud.

You know.

With Miles not here, there really isn't anyone in charge, and since I hold the

title of managing editor, perhaps I should assume that responsibility.

Well, I was once president of the Scottsdale Fan Club. Big deal.

But that does have a point, Jim.

I always thought that was more of a ceremonial title. You know, because

been here so long, and you're so old.

Fine.

Suit yourself.

Let chaos reign, anarchists.

We live in a democracy. Why can't we work in one? One person, one vote. It's

fair. It's reasonable. Agreed?

Now, I think one of us should have veto power, and I think that person should be

me.

Listen to this.

The sounds of lively and productive debate. I love it. By now, I figured

would have declared herself queen of the bullpen, and you'd all be out

collecting wood to build her a throne.

Anyway, 2020 is preparing a story on welfare close to ours, but we can beat

if we move things up.

Whoa, whoa, it's late. This is crazy, but it's a crazy I love. Miles!

Excuse me.

What time do you want to head over to the Smithsonian?

Oh, God, that's tonight.

Corky, I don't think I can make it. Can we rain check it to next week? No, wait,

that's worse.

Is there any day they're open till midnight?

Don't worry about it, Miles.

It's no big deal.

Go ahead. You'll be late. You sure?

Yeah, it's okay. Oh, thanks, Corky. I will make it up to you, I promise.

All right, all right, we can do this. I'll rush that piece on welfare that

was talking about. Frank, how's your story on pesticides coming?

It's in editing. Great.

Corky, what have you got?

Gum versus pulp. Showdown at the Oscar Corral.

Well, get along there, little Corky. McGovern?

I'm doing a story on PBS funding.

Very timely.

Polls show support for public broadcasting, but it continues to be

political football.

Jim, what about your commentary? Actually, my angle's more like it's a

drain on taxpayers' money and should be privatized.

That's not your angle. That's your opinion. I veto that story.

We can't do that. We haven't voted on it. Voting's over. Polls are closed. Now

then... Now, wait a minute. I think if Miles were here, he would love that

story. I mean, who died and made you boss?

No one.

Yet.

Oh, excuse me. Could you tell me where I can find Miles Silverberg? Stay in one

place long enough, and I'm sure he'll run into you.

Corky! Hey!

You came to see me. I dig that.

Actually, I came here to see Miles.

But you're seeing me at the moment, and I'm glad.

Listen, I want to apologize for what happened the other day.

I guess when you're born as good -looking as we are, you sometimes forget

you're not always going to get what you want.

It's our cross to bear.

Isn't it? Yeah.

Anyway, I just wanted to say that I've always treasured the memory of what

happened between us.

And, well, I guess I got a little too excited when I found out that you were

unattached. But I respect your position, and I hope that we can be friends.

I'd be sad if we weren't.

Me too.

Okay, then.

See you around.

And, hey, nice perfume.

Oh, I'm not wearing any.

You're not?

Oh. Then maybe it's me.

Yeah, it is, see?

Jovan Musk.

Catch you later.

Bye, Miller.

Yeah.

No, no, no, no, no, no. If you won't go on record, we have to find another

source, okay?

Confirm General Stalker for show night.

Corky! Hey!

Thanks for coming down.

Again, I'm sorry about the museum. How was the exhibit?

Oh, it was really great. In fact, there was so much to see, I thought maybe...

My story just fell through. Okay, I'm sorry, Corky, I'll be right back. Hey,

Corky, what are you doing here?

Oh, I just came here to ask Miles something. Oh, I gotta talk to him. I'm

telling you, Murphy is driving me nuts with her editing notes. You know, she

actually insisted I lose a shot of me doing this while I'm listening to

someone's sad story.

I am sorry, but that sympathetic nod happens to be a Frank Fontana trademark.

I mean, you might as well tell Tim Allen to go easy on the power tools.

It's a million things in a minute. Franco, you came down to visit, too.

Wait, Corky.

Disaster with Tara's piece. Jack Valenti just pulled out. What? He was a lock.

Damn. Erica.

I see I'm not the only one seeking shelter from Hurricane Slugger.

She's cutting my commentary for time.

I asked her why we couldn't trim some of her rather lengthy segment on welfare.

You know what she said?

Informing the public, Jim, always takes precedence over boring them to death.

If time is to be lost, we should all suffer equally. Look, I don't know. My

is already cut to the bone.

Oh, please.

Lose a half dozen of those self -serving shots of you nodding like a priest, and

that's a minute right there.

Can any of you help me? Ilsa, the wicked warden, just told me to cut my story to

a minute ten.

I know I'm new here, but how have you guys put up with it for all these years?

Therapy. Scotch. You know, over the years, I've learned that if you just let

Murphy think she's getting her way, she usually leaves you alone.

But she is getting her way.

Well, I don't care, as long as she leaves me alone.

Miles! And I locked in Valenti, I am telling you. I haven't slept in two

we're eating in three, and I am loving it.

Montgomery!

Jim! Hey, everybody drop down.

Well, everybody except Murphy, but what can you expect? Yeah, and that's what we

need to talk to you about, Miles. Listen to me, she is driving us up the wall.

There you guys are.

Am I the only person who cares about work, or should we all just disappear

we feel like it? This isn't how they built the pyramids.

How's it going up there? Great. Oh, McGovern, I'm glad you're here. Listen,

story's going a little long, so if you could give up both, say, ten seconds

your piece, that would be a big help.

I've got an even better idea. Maybe during Jim's commentary, I could do my

in sign language in a little oval in the corner of the screen.

Now you're thinking like a team player.

Before I forget, I talked the network into giving us three extra minutes from

our lead -in.

Miles, that's great. Isn't that great, guys? That'll give us even more time for

my welfare.

on my cellular at a stoplight while scouting locations for opening credits i

hate downtime i can't leave you guys alone for five minutes okay

everybody back to work why

do all the good things

is on break of all right so far where's miles he's running late but he said he'd

be here asap great five minutes to air and the show's order hasn't been set yet

relax frank i set the show's order what is it i'm first on you guys oh where's

miles i don't have b -roll for my piece and i can't reach anyone in editing

granted the whole segment's only 45 seconds long but i thought it might

those viewers who choose not to blink i can't find the teleprompter man

Commentary isn't entered and no one knows the order of the show. We don't

the order of the show? I know the order of the show.

I'm first, then Frank, then Corky, then Jim, then you. Now, we all know the

order of the show. Okay, first welfare, then pesticides. People either turn the

channel or they'll kill themselves before the first commercial.

You got a better order, Frank? Let's hear it. Okay, me first, then McGovern,

then you, then Jim, then Corky. Oh, no, I'm not going last.

McGovern's new. She should go last. Oh, that's a good idea. We'll flip Corky

with McGovern. Forget it. You're not cutting my story to bits. Then burying

I'm first.

then Corky, then you, then Frank.

You forgot my commentary. Right, and Jim's commentary last.

Hey, now.

The trouble with your order, McGovern, is that it ignores two rules of

journalism that FYI always adheres to.

One, lead with your best story, and two, will you stop that already?

What do you want the cameras?

I don't know, just put them where they always go. One in front of us and some a

little off to the side.

Legalizing clear of that welfare attrition statistic.

You don't call me when you're scarfed. You run and wait. I don't know if you

want to say it.

All right, everybody, listen up.

Fine appearances, everything is under control.

Stop it! Now, there's a group of people coming to me with questions, and if you

thought just a little bit harder, I think you'd realize you already know the

answers to yourself.

One minute to air. Because you people are the best at what you do, so whatever

you did last week, do this week, and anything else, ask John.

Everybody quiet!

Place is people!

I want camera one here, camera two there, camera three here.

The order is Murphy, Corky, Frank, Jim, McGovern. Quiet!

I'm being buried. There's no searching for your B -roll. We have to buy time.

Jim, don't worry. Your lines are on the teleprompter. No scarf on Corky. Fix the

wobble in this chair. Cue theme music.

Lose this and have a great show, people.

I told you everything was under control.

Good evening and welcome to FYI. For your information tonight...

Hey, Murphy, do you know where Corky is?

Uh, no, I haven't seen her. Oh, okay. Thanks. No.

I thought the show went well. In fact, it may turn out to be one of our better

ones. Yeah, I was really proud of you guys. And it's great because I found I

really enjoyed doing both shows.

Oh, that's great, you know, because we found we really enjoyed being a little

independent. Yep, really, really enjoyed it.

Great. Well, see you tomorrow.

Miles. What?

We need you.

Excuse me?

You're going to make me say it again?

Fine. We need you.

We almost didn't make it to air tonight.

Everything's in chaos without you, and apparently I don't quite have your

skills.

Although, frankly, I don't think that's an excuse to burn me an effigy.

It means a lot to hear you say that, Murphy. Well, you're good, Miles. That's

why they wanted you on the next wave. And I'm sure they'll understand when you

tell them you have to quit because you have to focus your attention here.

Oh, Murphy, I wasn't lying when I said I really enjoy doing both shows.

I plan to continue doing them.

Oh. Oh, well, that's great.

That's just wonderful.

So where the hell did that leave us? We can't survive another week like this

one. The only reason McGovern's still alive is because I couldn't figure out a

way to trick her into meeting me alone in the boiler room.

Murphy, don't worry. Things will slow down once the next wave is up and

I will be here tomorrow morning, 10 a .m. sharp. Um, actually, Miles, we found

we were just as effective when we got in at noon.

Well, 10 is okay, too. Although 11 would be...

You know, I gotta hand it to you. There were some people who thought you

wouldn't be able to pull this stuff off.

Hmm.

Well, to tell you the truth, I was one of them.

But I did it. And it got me thinking.

If I could pull this off, maybe there's some other things I've been avoiding.

You know, things I could handle if I would just take that chance.

Oh, no.

You're not thinking of learning to ride a motorcycle again, are you?

No way, I still can't grow hair below my knees.

No, I'm talking about Corky. I've always been afraid that I wouldn't be able to

handle both work and a relationship before.

But you know what?

I think I can pull that off, too.

I really think Corky and I might have a chance.

Miles, Nancy and Sluggo have a chance. You guys are just loopy.

That's what you want, and good luck to you.

Thanks.

Corky!

You're still here!

Miles, hi!

Yeah, um, I'm on my way out. Well...

Listen, I'm glad I caught you.

Because I have been doing a lot of thinking lately. And I've realized some

things. And one of those things I realized was that I want to start

Officially. Like two grown -ups.

Let's go out.

Right now. Tonight.

Just the two of us. What do you say?

Oh, my.

Gee, I'd love to. But the thing is, I kind of already made some plans.

Fifth hour? Can't you just, you know... Corky, hey. Ready to go?

Yeah.

Sorry, Miles.

See you tomorrow, senor Miles.

Uh, you know, I'm gonna grab a burger at Phil's. You wanna join me?

Oh, um... Um, no.

No, uh, that's okay.

I've got some things I should really, um, you know, take care of.

Down on the set. Okay, suit yourself.

Actually, Murphy, I think I really would like to go grab that burger with you at

Phil's. Great.