Original subtitles

Traveling man, got no gold, got no plan, just an

old heart in my hand.

Traveling man, traveling man, I'll get back any way I

can.

medicine cabinet, but I've built two boxes with antacids alone.

What's all this stuff?

Oh, my stress butters.

I've got them all, you know. The primitive executive relaxer.

Let the plastic nerves be gone.

Ooh, here's an old favorite. The tranquilator.

Extremely rare and highly toxic. They pulled them off the shelves after 15 air

traffic controllers from O 'Hare were hospitalized in a single afternoon.

How's this one work?

Oh, excellent taste, Corky. That's Mr. Mellow, circa 1992.

Now, with this model, you have to be careful because it's easy to break.

That doesn't seem very relaxing.

Hey, Miles.

I've been going through your closets. Are you really going to drag all this

to a new apartment?

It's not all junk. Oh, please.

Dusty old pottery, this dingy bed cover, a clock that hasn't been used in years.

You don't need any of this. Yeah, I guess you're right. Oh, thanks. This

going to be great in my extra bedroom.

Hey, Peter, look. Three pottery.

Listen, Miles, I'm sorry I can't lift anything heavy today.

The stand back of mine is... Don't apologize.

I just appreciate you guys helping me out.

Still can't believe those jerks I hired never showed up.

Yeah, well, I don't think you should expect too much from a moving company

misspells the word moving on its business card.

Hey, Peter, don't strain yourself or anything.

Hey, Silverbird, where the hell did you get off taking home all the mugs the

network sent us? You live alone.

I'm leaving you one.

She's right.

I only need one.

God, how did I let this happen?

You left Murphy alone in a room for five minutes. That's how it happened.

He came to visit me last month. I swear I had a full set of silverware.

No, no. How did I end up this way?

I'm 32 years old. I figured I'd need a whole lot of mugs by now.

Coffee mug for my wife.

A couple of those little sippy straw mugs for my kids.

And a great big mug for me that says, World's Greatest Dad.

At this point, I'm going to be...

dragging my single sorry little mug from one lonely apartment to another for the

rest of my life.

I know exactly how you feel, Miles.

I didn't expect to end up this way either.

I can't tell you how sick I am of being alone so much. You know what I hate?

Going to a restaurant and having to ask for a table for one.

Yes! And then the waiter comes over and asks if anyone else is using the other

chair. And when you say no, they hoist it up in the air and carry it across the

room like some sort of trophy.

I know. The way everybody looks at you, they might as well just stick a big

flashing loser sign over your head.

I'll take this one.

Dear Lord, how many times do I have to tell you there is a right way to pick up

a box and there is a wrong way?

That is the wrong way. This, my friend, is the right way.

Oh, there is a right way to pick up a box, there is a wrong way. I'll just

it a rest, General.

Hey, Peter, how's that back holding up?

It's feeling pretty sore.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, I'll bet.

Hey, what's that?

A buck, Frank?

Even if I was faking it, do you think I would dive for a buck?

Hey, look, a buck.

So, what's the answer, Corky? How are we supposed to meet people?

Nobody works the same hours we do. No one really understands what we do for a

living. And I'm always being set up with these flaky guys. I'm so sick of flaky

guys. I want to meet someone who has its feet on the ground.

I'd love to meet someone who's sweet and sympathetic for a change. Yeah.

And sensitive.

You know, someone who understands you can't just jump into a relationship.

You've got to take it slow.

Yeah. Start out as friends and then let things take their course.

Good luck finding that.

pocket organizer.

Do you think of any scenario where I'd need to call Bowser from Sha Na Na?

Nah.

So that was fun helping Miles yesterday, wasn't it? Mm -hmm.

Finally get everything to fit into your car?

Mm -hmm.

Think Dukakis will make a comeback?

Yeah, right.

So things are going pretty well with you and Peter, right?

Yep, we're regular Michael and Lisa Marie.

Technically, it is an office romance.

Number one on Cosmo's list of 101 dating no -nos.

Richard Nixon.

You never know.

And to think, the man in your life was right under your nose and you didn't

it.

You think the next man in my life could be right under my nose and I might not

even know it, Murphy?

Under your nose? I don't know, Corky, maybe.

Do you really think so, Murphy? Do you?

Yes, Corky, I do, with every fiber of my being.

You know, I do, too.

Thanks, Murphy.

Has anyone seen Miles?

No, though given how stiff my neck is this morning, he could be standing right

next to me and I wouldn't know it. Oh, and I suppose that's my fault. Look,

nobody forced you to ride over to Miles' new apartment on the back of the truck.

True, but then no one forced you to slam on your brakes so you could ogle that

young co -ed in the Mazda Miata.

Don't you point your finger at me, Jim. I don't need to think about this.

Good morning, people.

I am pleased to announce that with the exception of the half -thousand -wall

sconces that Murphy removed from my old apartment, which is now coming out of my

security deposit, the move went off without a hitch.

Thank you all.

Oh, and Corky, I owe you the biggest thanks. Setting up my saltwater aquarium

was one thing, but making my drains, I really owe you a lot.

Well, you know what?

You can take me out for dinner sometime.

Okay, let's do that. Great. What night's good for you?

Oh, well, let's see.

Tuesday night, I have editing.

Thursday night, I have a focus group.

Saturday?

Saturday, yeah, that'll work. We can go to that DeSantos Murphy's always talking

about. Ooh, that sounds nice.

It's really cozy.

Great. So, make the date? You bet.

Who else could have thought the parrot to say that?

So I had to break up with her.

That's awful.

Guess I'd have to say my worst date was with this guy, Kent.

His idea of a fun night was driving around from building fire to building

You think?

True. And somehow, we always managed to get there five or ten minutes before the

fire department.

When I asked Kent how he did it, he'd just giggle, light a cigarette, and

the match burn down to his fingers.

This is fun. Thank you.

Yeah. Feels really comfortable, doesn't it?

Great, so now we have to go wait in the bar.

You know, if you hadn't taken ten minutes to explain to the valet exactly

park your car... Oh, and if you hadn't taken 20 minutes in front of the mirror

making sure your hair had that perfect rumpled look... Hey!

Murphy! Peter! Over here!

What a coincidence.

Did you two have a reservation?

Well, we did.

Mmm, bruschetta.

You mind?

Yeah, take. In fact, why don't you pull over a couple of chairs? You can eat

with us. Oh, Miles, I'm sure these two lovebirds will love you. That'd be

Excuse me, are you using these chairs?

Oh, well, then you won't mind if we take them.

Let's get you some menus. Oh, excuse me.

Oh, Miles, that won't be necessary.

I'm sure a table for two will open up any minute. Murphy and Peter will be

to go eat in private.

With this mob scene, don't count on it.

You know, Murphy, maybe we should go wait in the bar.

Let's see.

Share stale peanuts with chain -smoking Euro trash or pick free cheese ravioli

off Miles' plate.

Hmm. Pass the parmesan.

I'm going to the ladies' room.

Murphy, would you like to come to the ladies' room?

Why? You know, this stuff isn't cooked enough. I'm sending it back. Waiter!

Excuse me, Miles.

What?

No.

You're the guy?

You're the guy under Corky's nose?

What? So, Miles, you hound, how's the date going?

What?

The date, you and Corky, how's it going?

Corky and me?

A date?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

This is not a date. Corky and I are just having dinner together.

It's not a date. They're just having dinner together.

What? I'm telling you the truth. This isn't a date. What makes you think this

a date?

Oh, okay. Why don't we conduct a date quiz? What night is tonight?

Saturday. Saturday, otherwise known as date night.

Did Quirky buy anything new to wear on date night?

No. Are you sure?

Well, when I dropped some olive spread on her dress, she did say, oh, no, my

dress, but that doesn't mean... Did she feed you off her fork?

Twice. Compliment you on your sense of humor?

Profusely. Did you see her put perfume here?

And here.

It's a date.

No, no, it's not a date unless both parties agree it's a date. And I never

agreed it's a date. Miles, relax.

You got nothing to worry about. I don't? No, you just have to decide now whether

you want the kids baptized or bar mitzvahed.

I don't know what you're going to name them. Personally, I think Daisy Mae

Silverberg has a nice picture.

All right, all right, stop it. This is not funny.

Yes, it is.

No, it isn't. This is serious. I am Corky's boss.

I can't get into a relationship with her. Not to mention the fact that I'm

not interested in her. She's like a... like a sister. I mean, she's fun and,

know, easy to be with, but... No! This can't be a date! Hey!

Great news, you guys. Table for two. Just open up. Watch the show from the

table. No!

Sit! Stay!

Relax!

Sparkling water, anyway?

That's incredibly sweet.

And I'm sure Murphy and Peter appreciate the gesture.

But... Couples do need their time alone.

Oh, yes, they do.

I run along, you two. Thanks a lot, guys. We'll do this again real soon.

maybe the next time we can do it is a double date kind of thing.

You know,

if you don't like your table, you can always come back.

You have the best sense of humor.

You have to try something.

And that's what scares me about an office romance.

Am I making any sense?

Yes.

Yes, you are, Miles.

And do I appreciate your honesty? I don't know what I was thinking. This

probably wasn't a good idea. I am so glad to hear you say that, because it

have been uncomfortable for so many different reasons.

I mean, imagine the awkward story meetings, me having to shoot down one of

story ideas.

I don't know what any of that would have worked.

Well, I had a great dinner.

My dinner was great, too.

At least, that's what Murphy said.

Well, good night.

Good night.

It didn't work out okay? Oh, yeah, but you won't believe what ended up

happening. It's a British lady on the phone. I think it's Princess Di.

And you said she'd never buy my cockney accent when I left that message about

changing the time of her riding lesson.

Well, who's the bleeding fool now, eh? I really need

your advice about that thing we were talking about the other day. Huh? What

thing? You know, the thing.

Oh, oh, right, the thing. Miles told me what happened.

He did?

Yeah. And take it from me, these things are always awkward.

Awkward?

I can barely even look at him. I mean, who could have seen this coming?

Well, I say if Miles isn't interested in you, it's better to find out now.

Miles told you he wasn't interested in me? Yeah. Hello, this is Murphy Brown.

Yes, I'll hold.

Great. Just the way I want to spend my morning, listening to the London

Orchestra play Do You Think I'm Sexy.

He said he wasn't interested in me. He used those exact words.

Well, not those words exactly, but that was the general... Hello? Your Highness?

This is... Oh.

Well, thank you. This is Murphy Brown. Thanks for... Murphy Brown.

Well, over on this side of the big line, I'm pretty well known.

Actually, I feel like an American David Frost.

I was wondering if Her Highness and I could arrange an interview.

Of course, at her convenience and conducted with the utmost discretion.

What were his exact words, Murphy? I want to know. I demand to know. I have a

right to know.

I'm sorry. There seems to be a disturbance outside.

Just wait while I close the window. Get out! Now!

Now it's not because of what Miles said. Word for word.

All right. He said he wasn't interested.

You were easy, something, something, something.

Easy?

No, I mean, he said that he liked you. You were fun, but not for... a

relationship. Hi, I'm back. I'm terribly sorry.

He said all that? Yes, now would you get out?

Knock,

knock. Oh, jeez. Oops, didn't realize you were on the phone. Oh, Corky. Hey,

again. You know, I think that dress looks beautiful on you.

Really sexy.

No, no, no.

Don't hang up. Hold on.

What the hell is going on with you two?

I have no idea.

The other night we were kissing. Today she's throwing fish water at me. Well, I

hope you... You were kissing?

Yes, and she liked it.

Something just clicked.

read the carpool today i don't know why it was my turn to drive oh you know this

thing with miles and all oh please it is over between the two of us believe you

me i am past miles you just passed miles oh

well

can't wait around forever

is a little crabby about something.

Shut up, Frank.

What is it, Corky? Man trouble?

Shut up, Frank.

Ooh, it is man trouble. Watch this. Here it comes. All men are pigs. All we want

is stash. Shut up, Frank.

Corky, we really need to talk. You've got it all wrong about Saturday night.

Saturday night? What Saturday night? Jim, you know anything about Saturday

night? No, and frankly, I don't want to know. Oh, would you look at that? Arby's

has a new site.

Corky, would you listen to me? I told you I didn't know we were on a date. A

date? You guys were out on a date?

Yes. No!

Murph, did you know they were out on a date? Of course. Frank, Peter, and I

there. Peter and you?

Wait a minute. All four of you went out together?

Well, thanks for inviting me, friend.

Corky, please. Can't we talk?

No. We need to talk, Corky. All right. You want to talk? We can talk. Let's

talk.

Everybody out.

Are you nuts? It's 23 degrees outside.

I'm sorry, Murphy, but Miles wants to talk.

Out.

Did you listen? Oh, no.

It's moving day all over again.

No information.

I was busy that night, and I had a great time. A great time.

I suppose you went out with them, too, didn't you?

Murphy?

Sorry, I'm not moving. Okay, forget about her, Corky. Look, I just want a

to explain.

How do you think of me as your sweaty little sex toy?

I'm out of here.

Okay, you've got three minutes.

Okay.

how it happened, but this whole thing has gotten totally twisted around.

Oh, I see. So Murphy got it wrong? You didn't say you weren't interested in

having a relationship with me?

Okay, I did say that, but... Get everybody back in!

It's freezing out there. Look,

I did say I wasn't interested in having a relationship, but I thought we were

going out as friends. When I found out it was a date, I guess I got sort of

confused.

Funny, your lips didn't seem confused.

Well, the truth is, they weren't.

It's like I told Murphy.

Something just started feeling right between us. Something just clicked.

You didn't say that to Murphy.

Yes. Yes, I did.

When? Yesterday, in her office. You can ask her.

Murphy, you can come back in.

I didn't say you, Frank.

Oh, come on. Let me stay.

I'm real good at negotiating.

I have freed hostages, you know.

Push him out, Murphy.

Come on.

Okay, Miracle.

Yesterday in your office, did Miles tell you something felt right between the

two of us? That something clicked?

Uh -huh.

Okay. Out.

I'm not going back out there. I'll tell you what.

I'll just lie down here and back. You'll never know I'm here.

Oh, all right.

You see?

I meant what I said.

I had a really good time with you.

Kiss or no kiss.

Really?

Really.

So did I.

A really good time.

So now what?

Well, we have a choice.

We can stick with the safe route, stick with the status quo, just stay friends.

Or we could take a chance.

Roll the dice.

And see where it takes us.

This is tough.

I mean, staying friends would be great.

But dating would be pretty interesting, too.

Office romances can work.

I mean, you don't have to end up angry and miserable.

Look at what's going on with Peter.

Easy TV Summer starts this Tuesday at 10 only on Nick at Night.