Original subtitles

Frank, you don't know what you're talking about. I'm telling you, Julia

was giving me the eye.

She was sitting in her chair, she looked over her shoulder, and she gave me the

eye. You were yelling, hey, pretty woman, over here. Trust me, Frank, she

giving you something, but it wasn't the eye.

You saw Julia Roberts?

Mm -hmm, and Armand Vasanti. They were filming outside the Supreme Court. She

gave me the eye. Oh, wonderful.

Another invasion from Tinseltown. Every time it's the same thing.

A gaggle of ponytail Hollywood types walks into town, block off traffic for

hours, and then run off to have orgies in their trailers.

Isn't it exciting?

Come on, Jim. This isn't your typical Hollywood trash. This is a political

thriller being filmed by Louis Mao.

I mean, his stuff is always so intelligent and...

and protective and subtle. I could just get five minutes with the guy. No,

Frank, don't tell me you want a cameo in this thing, too.

I heard that Wolf Blitzer hand -delivered a dozen roses, Ted Koppel

producers a magnum of champagne, and Connie Chung did everything but show up

a catwoman outfit.

He's right.

Reputable journalists stumbling over one another so they can play themselves in

a movie. I tell you, it tarnishes all of us.

It blurs the line between journalism and entertainment.

If we keep this up, soon we'll have Peter Jennings behind the wheel of a

car and the Fresh Prince of Bel -Air reporting live from the Mideast.

On the other hand, sometimes it can be a really good thing.

When? Oh, well, sure, Jim. You can pick apart any argument with those old debate

-themed tactics of yours.

They offered you a part in this movie, didn't they?

Maybe. Oh, you lucky!

You're not going to do it, are you? Well, I'd be lying if I told you I

tempted, but clearly there are some strong arguments against it. I can't

the time. It could damage my credibility, and it raises some valid

questions.

Yep. You're going to have to mull this one over.

She's going to do it. Oh, gee, Frank, you think of course I'm going to do it.

Hey, Frank, you've got the veggie burgers, porky, you've got the tuna and

yam, tuna and rye.

Bill, there's no ketchup.

So what do you say, Frank?

You want me to go down 17th floor, go across the street, grab some ketchup,

back across the street, come back up 17th floor just so you can have some

ketchup? Is that what you're saying, Frank?

No, I'm just saying, hey, look, no ketchup.

Well, as they say in Hollywood, that's a wrap. The deal is closed. I can't hear

you on the carport. I'm going through a canyon.

They didn't happen to ask about my availability or anything, did they?

didn't come up. But listen to this. According to the producers, I have a

but pivotal role.

In fact, they said I'm a plot point. I'm not sure what that means, but I think

it means they can't cut me out of the movie.

Why don't you believe it?

The producers of All the President's Men told me that if I let him shoot in

films, I can hand Redford his coat in a seat.

Oh, yeah, that was a good deal.

Lost a whole week's worth of business for the privilege of seeing my left

finger on the silver screen.

You met Robert Redford? What was he like?

Like being in the presence of an angel.

You should hear yourself.

It's nothing but movie this and movie that.

As if any of this even matters.

Look at all the hoopla attached to those Oscars. It's only been two months, and

I'll bet not one of you can even remember what won Best Picture.

Schindler's List.

Best Actor.

Holly Hunter.

Best Short Subject.

Live Action or Animated.

Time for you to get married again.

Hey there, Miles.

Hey there, Phil.

Hello, people, and greetings from our... Affiliates in New England. You should

have seen me. I pressed the flesh at six stations, swung by the L .L. Bean

factory, got myself some chinos, and still had time to pick up four jugs of

maple syrup for the best news team in the business.

Oh, God.

Oh, forget your gooey pants, Miles.

Murphy's got some pretty exciting news to tell you.

I'm going to be in a Louis Mal film next week.

Really? I'm starring in the next Spielberg movie.

Indiana Jones and the Temple of Beth Shalom.

Starring in it, I have a small but pivotal role.

You're serious? You really think you're going to be in this movie? I'm not going

to just be in it. I'm a plot point.

No, you're not. The network won't let you. They have a policy.

What policy?

They instituted it last year.

News people may not appear in entertainment telecasts or movies. I

the network wants to maintain the image of its journalists, but I'm not about to

do something that would damage my reputation.

I'm a mature, responsible adult capable of deciding what's appropriate for

Murphy Brown. And I expect, no, I demand to be treated that way.

Well, that is a pretty persuasive argument.

Yeah. Just add the phrase, give me back that bottle, and it's the same speech he

was screaming in the lobby right before they carted her off to Betty Ford.

You know,

you really didn't have to come with me. If I can handle heads of state, I think

I can handle the head of a network. Strength in numbers, Murph. And besides,

this is a battle I'm probably going to have to fight one day myself.

Yeah.

Probably. Hi, Mrs. O 'Brien. We're here for our 5 o 'clock with Mr. Lansing.

You're late.

Oh, no, we're not.

You're late and your watch is broken.

Take a seat.

Mrs. O 'Brien, I'm pretty sure this is a no -smoking building.

Uh -huh.

And, well,

you're smoking.

As am I, sweetie.

I've been secretary to every president of this network for the past 40 years.

Now, if you think I'm going to go sit in that utility closet they call a smoking

lounge every time I want to drag, you're nuts.

Hey, I don't give a... Oh, we'll just take a seat.

Murph, if you want to get in to see God, it's probably not a good idea to tick

off St. Peter.

That little gnome. Bet that's not even her own hair.

Here you go.

It doesn't matter where you sit.

I can hear you.

And you can tell the parents of those Tolan twins that if their identical

butts are not back on the set by noon, I'm going to get two jockeys to replace

them.

I'll buy me two jockeys and get them the same haircut.

Murphy, how are you? Come right in. Come right in. Thanks for seeing us, Stan.

We won't take up much of your time. Oh, I owe you. I always have time to see

you, Murphy. And Frank, I've been meaning to tell you. You know that piece

did when you rode with the cops on the drug bust?

Unbelievable.

Nobody does life -threatening stuff like you do.

I'm telling you, you're on the top of your game.

Oh, thanks.

I wish I could say the same thing about my golf game.

Tell me about it. I'm still trying to break 90 these days. Well, you do what I

do. You just quit after 14 holes.

How's that lovely wife of yours, Jean?

We're divorced, Fontana.

She took me for everything I owned.

My mother died last year. You want to ask me about her, too?

Murph? Well, yes, Stan. The reason we're here is that I was offered a role, a

small but pivotal role, in Louis Mal's new film, and to make a long story

I said yes.

I gather you were not aware of our new policy.

Exactly. So you see, what an awkward position this puts me in. I've agreed to

the movie. Say no more. I completely understand the situation. I knew you

Stanley. Just blame me for the whole thing. And you'll just have to

that network policy is network policy.

What? Frank, have one of those shortcuts.

They're Belgian.

Okay. Sure.

It's going to melt right in your mouth.

You know, Stan, when I said awkward position, what I meant was that I...

one. Who said two?

Nobody raised by wolves.

Don't put it back. Nobody wants used chocolate.

Eat the bread. Eat the whole thing. He just ate your chocolate.

Anyway, Murphy, if that solves your problem, let's get on to another crisis.

Well, actually, Stan, it doesn't.

I want to do this movie.

Oh, I see.

Well, if I could make an exception, I'd do it for you, but policy is policy.

The policy stinks.

I'm sorry you feel that way, but we need the policy in order to maintain network

integrity.

Excuse me? The same network that put on He's Not My Monkey is suddenly going to

maintain its integrity?

Well, what are you saying? That we're not doing art here? What does this lose

me?

We got a single mother with three kids at 8 o 'clock. I got a single father

three kids at 8 .30.

I got a black single mother with two kids at 9 o 'clock. I got a stand -up

that nobody ever heard of with no kids at 9 .30. And over here, we got the crap

slot.

Nothing works here.

But we're fighting for our lives to beat the other guy's crap slot.

But the news division is a totally different story.

It's our prized asset.

And I'll do everything that I can do to protect it. And I applaud that.

But I think I'm capable of deciding what material is appropriate for me. So

forgive me if I have trouble complying with some blanket, arbitrary policy that

treats me like a child.

What the hell are you doing, Fontana? Get away from that.

That's not fair.

Really? Maybe if I were to put this one right over here. No, no, no. Get away

from me.

Stay over there.

Give me back 8 .30, 9 .30, 10 .30.

Murphy, I hate to put it to you in these terms, but when you signed your

contract, you agreed to abide by the policies of this network.

Well, Stan, I hate to put it to you in these terms, but what if I just ignore

the policy and do the movie anyway?

I would be very disappointed.

I think I could live with that.

And I would dock you two weeks' pay.

Well, then you better call accounting.

Let's go, Frank.

Wow, she's a pretty tough cookie.

I guess that's the kind of moxie we pay all the big bucks for.

Yeah.

Well, uh, you know, I couldn't live with myself unless I spoke up about this

policy, too.

I'm with Murph. I think I think.

We don't pay you for your moxie, Fontana. Get out of here.

And close the door. What were you, born in a barn?

And he docks me two weeks' pay? You know, Frank, it starts like this.

Policy restricting our personal freedoms, and the next thing you know,

calling each other comrade and launching Sputnik. You know,

why do they even bother putting paint stripper on the patio door? I could just

point you in that direction and let you shriek for five minutes.

Here, this came for you. I bet it's the script.

Ooh, look.

Deadline. Get it? It's a murder mystery and it involves news people.

Deadline. Clever, huh?

Look, it came with a hat. Oh, cool. Can I have that?

Is the name Frank Fontana on this package? Is the name Frank Fontana on

package? What's the story of this stupid movie, anyway?

Oh, it's great. Armand Asante plays a cop who tries to solve the death of a

senator, and Julia Roberts is a biochemical engineer who helps him trace

murderer through his DNA.

We're supposed to buy Julia Roberts as a biochemical engineer?

Yeah. Apparently she wears glasses.

Not me.

Not me.

Not me.

Oh. Baby, I get grilled by Armando Sante.

I was the last person to interview the dead guy.

Hey, Frank, read through my scene with me. All right, but I get to be Armando

Sante. Sure. Ellen?

What? Come here. I need you to play his partner.

Get out of here. Why not?

What? I'm not going to act.

It's embarrassing.

Oh, come on. Nobody's watching. I'll give you 50 bucks.

Let me see it. I'll write you a check. Just do it. Start, Frank.

Yellow me's brow.

It is a pleasure meeting George.

What are you doing?

I'm reading the part.

You're supposed to be playing Armando Sante, not Ricky Ricardo.

I'm not playing Armando Sante. I saw Mambo Kings. That's how he talks. He was

playing a Cuban in Mambo Kings. That's not how he normally talks. Just do it in

a regular voice, but sexier, and act more with your eyes.

Okay, fine. I'll do it the boring way.

Hello, Ms. Brown.

It's a pleasure meeting you.

I'm Detective Murdoch, and this is my partner, Detective Wong.

Go easy on him. It's his last day before retirement. Oh, great. I'm going to

die.

Whenever it's their last day, they die.

They won't act in the first place, and I'm going to die.

Kelvin, you're ruining my concentration.

Now, Ms. Brown, you were the last person to see the senator alive.

Do you remember any details that could help with our investigation?

Well, it was a pretty standard interview. I asked him questions. He

answering them. Ooh, that's good. I would say something like that.

Did he seem at all agitated?

He kept fidgeting with it. I think it had some kind of orange rubber top on

Dulles Airport locker. I am on it. Give me the car keys.

There it is. The car explodes.

Two lousy lines of bam.

People are wiping me off their eyeglasses.

I hate accidents.

Just go on, Frank.

Well, Ms. Brown, I guess it's true what they say about you.

You're as observant as you are beautiful.

Wow, this is really good writing.

Yeah, brilliant.

Say, you know what would really help me out here? If I could take a look at your

notes from the interview.

No problem. I'll go get them. Oh, yeah, right. Like I'd really give up my notes.

It's good writing, and it's funny, too. Well, I don't think it's a joke, Murr.

Well, sure it is. I'd never give up my notes. No self -respecting journalist

would. Well, apparently you would, because right here, the next page, you

them your notes.

I don't believe this.

I actually hand my notes over to a cop. It's totally unreal.

You know, this is the problem with Hollywood today, Frank. They don't care

being real.

That's why people stop going to those Billy Jack movies, you know.

After a while, they just stop being real.

You know, Murph, this may not be as big a problem as you think.

You know, maybe you're right, Frank. Maybe it's not that big a problem.

Maybe sacrificing my journalistic integrity in front of millions of people

good thing.

What's your idea?

Can I have the hat?

What's your idea? Oh, you just go to Louis now. You tell him you have a

with the script.

Give me back the hat. No, I didn't even know that there's something inaccurate

in there.

Oh, maybe you're right.

Maybe it's worth a shot because I sure can't do this stuff the way it's written

now.

I could.

Did I say that out loud?

You know, we weren't expecting you until Friday.

Oh, I know. I just came by to talk to Mr. Mal. They asked me to wait over

Okay. Well, he's right in the middle of setting up a shot and we're running a

little behind schedule.

But I'll make sure he knows that you're waiting.

Hi. Murphy Brown.

I'm in the movie. Small but pivotal role.

Terrible. We've wasted the whole morning.

How come nobody told you that Senator D 'Amato was such a dead fish?

Excuse me, Mr. Mal.

Oh, Murphy Brown, hi.

I'm delighted you'll be working with us. Thanks for dropping by.

We'll see you Friday, okay?

Yes, you will, but I just wondered if we could discuss the script. I have some

questions. Uh -huh, script questions.

And you say you've never acted before.

Just petite things, really, but I'm sure you want to be as accurate as possible.

Of course.

Well, here on page 78, you refer to my managing editor when what I think you

mean is my executive producer.

Uh -huh.

And FYI, the new show I'm on, we don't pre -tape. We go out live.

I'm embarrassed we got it wrong.

Consider it fixed.

Thank you. See you Friday. Actually, there's just one more thing.

I would never give my notes to a detective.

Uh -huh.

But you understand he must have the notes.

Well, yes, but it's just not something a good journalist would do. It would

compromise my integrity.

Oh, we certainly don't want to do that.

But you see my problem. What is Armand going to say?

She won't give me her notes.

I can't solve the murder.

Maybe I'll just go home.

Or a very short movie with little chance of a sequel.

No, I see that that wouldn't work, but maybe there's another way he could get

the notes.

Maybe he could get a subpoena. No, that would take too much time.

Maybe he could break into the newsroom at night. No, he's a cop. He wouldn't do

that.

Boy, this is tricky, but I know we can get it if we just put on our thinking

caps. Louie, they're ready for you.

They'll be there in a minute.

Now we have our thinking caps on.

No breaking in, no subpoena.

What if he sleeps with you, then goes for your notes before you wake up?

Hmm.

We can do that. That would mean firing Julia Roberts.

And we've already paid her a lot of money.

Well, now you're kidding me.

Although, I have to say, when you cast Julia Roberts, isn't she just a little

bit young for him? I mean, I realize I'm talking to the man who directed Pretty

Baby, but... Since you seem to have so many problems with the movie...

You know what? Why don't I take a look at the script, noodle around with it,

see what I can come up with? Is there a trailer I could use?

You want to rewrite the script?

Could you do it quickly?

Because then I may need you to help me set up my next shot.

Well, now you're being sarcastic. Louie, the lights are pretty hot and Armand is

wearing a wool suit.

I'm beginning to think this may not work out. You know, I'm just trying to give

you a little friendly criticism.

Believe me, when the reviewers do it, they may not be so kind. And I am a bit

a film buff.

Are you familiar with the Billy Jack movies?

Billy Jack!

She's talking to me about Billy Jack.

Sit for me, sign me.

Get off the mail, dude.

I think you can understand French well enough to know what you just said, and I

don't appreciate it. You know what the problem is? You don't understand the

American culture. Not to mention there are subtle shadings in our language that

you clearly don't comprehend.

How's this for shadings? Your history.

Vamoose. Happy trails to you.

You're firing me?

Bingo.

Call Diane Sawyer. Ask her if she'll reconsider.

You know, I'm glad this happened because, I admit it, I was being vain. I

blinded by the glitter and the glamour. But this has opened my eyes.

Journalists should never cross that line into entertainment.

Thank God I still have my integrity.

Why are you still talking?

I'm going, but part of me will always be here reminding you of the truth you

chose to ignore.

I pity the man who lives with her.

Murphy, hi.

Oh, Dan, hi. Look, if you came to talk me out of being in this stupid movie,

can save your breath. I'm not doing it. Well, actually, I... They're ready for

you on set.

What? You're in the movie?

Hey, I have no on -air integrity to protect.

Besides, how can I pass up a chance to play poker in a scene with Armand

I get to shuffle, go over and out cuts.

They need me.

Louie, motor me!

Sorry, detective, but I got three aces.

Cut!

A little more excited, please.

It's three aces. That's a good thing.

Poker scene, take 16.

Ha, ha, ha!

Sorry, detective, but I got two aces. Cut! I know, three aces, I made a

Gore distracted me.

Poker scene, take 17.

Sorry, detective, but I got three... Cut! Cut! Why is someone walking behind

that window?

I'm going, I'm going.