Original subtitles

And so, after a career spanning the Cuban Missile Crisis, the Vietnam War,

the breakup of the Soviet Union, Colin Powell retires, leaving a different

and a different military than the one he entered 35 years ago.

Thank you, Peter.

Interesting to note that an institution considered so conservative has, in fact,

undergone significant changes.

That's really true, Jim.

Take a look at the Air Force. They now have women in combat.

Yes, isn't that remarkable?

When we were young,

what was your image of a pilot? John Wayne or Jimmy Stewart, right?

Right, Frank?

I guess, yes.

Exactly. Two weeks ago in Wiesbaden, I rode in an F -15 flown by a pilot named

Lisa. And I'm here to tell you that girl can handle a plane as well as any man

in her squadron.

Wonderful. Do you think the Air Force has a 12 -year -old pilot, or isn't that

what you meant when you said girl?

Whoops, old habit.

No problem. It's just that I'm sure Lisa is at least a lieutenant, and calling

her a girl has a certain demeaning quality.

It's not up there with suggesting women wear veils or walk three feet behind,

but all things considered, it's probably not the best way to go.

I stand politically corrected.

How about in the future I only use the word girl to refer to Girl Scouts? Good

idea. Although now that I think about it, the Air Force could use a few Girl

Scouts, considering the way they become heat -seeking missiles during cookie

season.

Oh, is it my turn again?

We'll be right back.

And we're clear.

Hey,

take it easy. The show felt a little stiff. I just thought a little back and

forth might loosen things up.

Oh, and just where is the time for this back and forth supposed to come from,

hmm? Someone's story, perhaps?

Someone whose name starts with a C, ends with a Y, has an orc in the middle?

to cover the remarkable career of the Olsen twins in under nine minutes? We

four and a half minutes of Pete.

Peter, I know this is new for you, but we have a format here.

When I do this, it means you may banter. But I wasn't doing this.

I was doing this, which every reporter knows means wrap it up. Unless, of

course, you thought I was auditioning to become a backup singer for Tina Turner.

You're not funny.

You were just as bad as he was.

Now, everybody stick to the format. I want no more surprises. Is that clear?

Yeah.

Okay, Jim, I'm sorry. If I'd known you weren't comfortable with the banter

thing, I never would have done it. I'll have you know I was bantering with John

Cameron Swayze when you were still wearing feety pajamas watching Ding Dong

School, and I'll be bantering long after you reply to the last Battlefield story

with your carefully styled thank you for joining us tonight.

Remember that next week, FYI comes to you from a town hall meeting in Port

Jefferson, Virginia, one of a number of American cities facing hardship as a

result of Defense Department cutbacks.

Say, Peter, do you happen to know the nickname of Virginia?

The Mother of Presidents?

Do you know the state bird?

No. The Cardinal.

Interesting, isn't it?

This has been another edition of FYI. Good night.

Morning, Guy.

What's up?

Jim's getting the ratings for last night's show. Uh -huh.

I see.

Thank you.

Let's hear it. We were up again. Oh, man!

For the three weeks Peter's been on the show, the ratings have gone up two and a

half points. You know, there could be other reasons the ratings have gone up.

mean, we've done a lot of great stories lately.

Jim's commentaries have been better than ever.

They repainted the set.

Oh, what do you do?

Face it. People love Peter.

You know you need your pass card to get into the parking garage. You should have

it ready as a courtesy to those of us forced to wait behind you at the gate.

I was pulling it out of my pocket. You couldn't wait two seconds without

me with your car? I barely touched you.

Then why did my airbag inflate?

It's probably defective. You might want to have it checked when you get that

taillight fixed.

How'd we do last night? You don't want to know. Damn.

Ah, there they are.

The people all America... Go watch it.

And talks about, look at this, faxes, phone messages, telegrams from hundreds

people so moved by last night's show they were actually compelled to tell us.

Why don't we go into Murphy's office and have a look at them? Come on.

Peter, join us. Since your name pops up here quite often. Really?

So, let's take a random look at what our public has to say,

shall we?

We were not amused by Mr. Hunt's condescending use of the term girl.

by the National Organization of Women. Wait a minute, that's negative.

Very good, Frank.

So is this.

Deeply offended League of Women Voters.

20 years behind the times. Women's Rights Coalition.

And then there's one from Roseanne Arnold. I can't read in public, but it

accompanied by a lovely Polaroid.

Roseanne's got way too much time on her hands.

Now, Peter, you did offend a substantial portion of our audience, and I think

you have to take responsibility for that. I can only hope that you'll choose

your words more carefully in the future.

Wonderful advice, Murphy.

Maybe you should take a little yourself.

What?

My family's worn veils for thousands of years, and we're proud of it.

Signed, Mrs. Ahmed Aziz.

If you were my wife, I'd make you walk ten steps behind.

Robert Yamada.

Thanks for taking the heat off. Salman Rushdie.

You've got to be kidding me. Ah, the voice of the people in action. And so

voices, too. Oh, come on. This isn't the same thing at all. It's not even close.

Why not?

I am not even going to dignify that with an answer. And I don't think you should

either, Merv. No, no, no. I'd be happy to answer. It's not the same thing

because... Because I made an innocent comment based on a misunderstanding of

cultures other than our own. Whereas you showed blatant insensitivity to people

right here in our own society. Yes.

Then how do you explain these?

Where are those from? The Girl Scouts of America. You're on your own.

This is crazy. What did I say?

I believe you compared those sweet little girls to heat -seeking missiles,

you thought you could get away with it. It was a joke. Where's their sense of

humor? You know, I have never trusted this organization.

Think about it. A bunch of impressionable young children wearing

uniforms reciting oaths and learning how to start fires.

Does anybody else have a bad feeling about this?

Too bad the show ended before you could share that theory with America.

The fact is, a lot of people were upset by last night's comments, which has the

network brass upset, which is why we are going to issue an on -air apology and

attend a seminar on cultural sensitivity.

Look,

look, these are sensitive times.

There have been several cases of misunderstood racial and ethnic remarks

television lately, and they just want to make sure they send the message that

they're taking care of it.

How? By forcing us to attend a lecture on political correctness? Cultural

sensitivity. Seven network vice presidents spent a lot of time coming up

that title, and they want us to use it.

I expect all of you to attend.

Miles, I'm not going to do this. I don't have time for it, okay? So why don't

you go take really good notes, and I'll read them right after I finish reading

The Bridges of Madison County.

One minute, Peter.

I don't think you understand how things work around here. If Miles says we do

something, we do it.

Miles, I'm afraid I'm going to have to miss the seminar because the doctors are

going there.

I haven't told you when the seminar is. I haven't told you when my appointment

is. You are coming, and so are you.

You two, you're like acid rain is what you're like.

And we are all just these tender little shoots struggling to survive in the

downpour.

Now, we are all going to take that seminar, and we are all going to learn

be sensitive and caring.

Or so help me God, I'll kill you both.

here and ready to go and why wouldn't they be you're probably thinking no

at all i respond to you people this is stewart allen from network legal here to

walk us through the wonderful world of cultural sensitivity a lawyer running a

sensitivity seminar this ought to be good that's a very positive attitude

and what i'm sure stewart will note when he reports back to the network now

since we have a town hall meeting tomorrow night for which we all have a

work to do i suggest we turn the floor over to stewart stewart

Thank you, Miles.

Good evening, everyone. The network wants me to thank you for taking time

your busy schedules here at FYI to join me tonight.

Cultural sensitivity, an important issue for our time, but what does it mean?

Politically correct.

We're not using that phrase. Didn't you tell her?

Cultural sensitivity is an awareness that certain words, phrases, and actions

can offend certain individuals or groups within the larger society, leading to

unpleasant situations.

He means lawsuits.

Unpleasant situations.

We've prepared a list of guidelines and terminology the network would like you

to use whenever appropriate.

For example, oriental is no longer correct. The proper term is Asian.

Hispanic now applies only to people of Spanish descent, whereas people of

Mexican descent... Are Mexican American or Latino? Look, I know the stuff. I use

it. I'm probably one of the most politically correct, oops, culturally

people in America.

So, enjoy your seminar. I'm out of here. Then why do you mail bash?

What? You mail bash.

True, I mean, I've only been here a short time, but I've seen you do it, and

quite frankly, it's not a pretty sight.

And kind of culturally insensitive, don't you think, Stu?

Nice try, Petey. I have a great relationship with every man in this

best friend is a man. I don't mail bash, right, guys?

Tell him. Go on.

Well, Murph, you do say stuff occasionally.

Stuff? What stuff?

You know how men are stupid, childish, how our brains are in our pants.

So which part isn't true?

You just can't stop, can you?

Oh, come on, Frank, we joke like this all the time. Yeah, and sometimes you go

little bit too far. You know, how do you think I feel when you make a joke in

front of everybody about how all we're good for is opening jars or changing

tires? I knew this was going to be valuable.

Thank you for sharing that, Frank. Murphy, why don't you give him a hug?

I'm not going to give him a hug.

You men rape, pillage, and burn your way through history, then you start crying

when somebody makes a joke about how you never would have learned to walk

upright if stores hadn't put beer on the top shelf. Well, there it is.

Because of the sins of the father, the sons must pay. I have never raped,

pillaged, or burned anyone. But if I open a door for a woman, or if I ask the

ladies foursome in front of me to pick up the pace, suddenly I'm Attila the

I really think we're getting a little off the track here.

Oh, really?

Do you know what it's like being 55, male, and white these days?

I'm being blamed for everything from slavery to the destruction of the ozone

layer. Well, damn it, except for releasing a few fluorocarbons during

flirtation with the dry. Look, I plead innocent.

for jim with all due respect jim it's pretty hard to say that living in this

society as a white man you'd know oppression now if we're talking about

jewish men that's enough we're portrayed as weak whining neurotic helpless in

any outdoor situation i mean look at that guy in northern exposure is that

supposed to be realistic stew i don't mean to tattle and as i said i've only

been here a short time but i have seen make certain comments in this area too

Why else the Yeshiva boy hop along Silverburg against all the kosher

boy?

When else?

If it makes you feel any better, I've always thought your people were very

bright. That's why when my family picks a doctor, we always look for that Jewish

name.

There it is, a little of that Bayou wisdom we've come to know and love.

Stu, you may not want to watch this. She just separated one of the gazelles from

the pack.

Oh, come on. So I tease Corky a little bit. She knows it's all in fun.

Still hurt.

Possum hunting joke.

Beverly hillbilly crack.

You may think it's funny, Murphy, but I don't.

And I doubt if anybody else here does either.

Well, actually... I fell for all of you.

What about my pain?

You wouldn't make fun of Japanese Americans or Chinese Americans.

Shouldn't make fun of me just because I'm a Louisiana American.

Geez, Corky, it's not like Louisiana's another country. Have you been there?

Oh, the big dumb man finally said something clever, huh? Tell him, Franco.

please. I'd like to get out of here at a reasonable hour.

What's the matter? I thought you guys billed by the minute.

Here they come. Lawyer jokes.

That is so funny.

You know, we have feelings, too. We're lawyers, not animals. Please, let's not

offend the animals.

That's right, that's right.

The whole country hates lawyers. Meanwhile, accountants walk the earth

gods.

We're not taking this anymore. We're not taking it lying down. We're fighting

back. We're organizing.

We're making our own jokes.

You know how many journalists it takes to screw in a light bulb?

Twelve.

And I'm not telling you why.

Do your own damn seminar.

I'm out of here.

That is, if I don't get lost on my way to the office. But then, you know what's

better?

valuable. Feel free to blame the entire fiasco on me. I'm sure it's my honky

fault, too.

Well, bye.

Got a possum in the oven. Then I gotta get home and marry my cousin.

Shalom!

Well, wasn't that fun?

You know... I bet if I drive by Embassy Row, I can insult five or six countries

and still get home early enough to make a few crank calls to Southeast Asia.

So many cultures, so little time.

Look, I know I gave you a hard time before, but actually, I agree with you.

People have gotten way too sensitive.

You can't say anything anymore. I mean, obviously, there are certain words no

one should use, but if you're going to jump on every little comment... Right,

especially comments that any rational person would know were not meant to be

offensive. Exactly.

Comments like, girl, wipe that... smile off your face.

Good evening, Port Jefferson.

I'm Miles Silverberg, executive producer of FYI.

Before we get started, I just wanted to say how thrilled we are to be

broadcasting from your town, a town with a rich history of shipbuilding.

I'm especially excited because as a city boy, the only high C I'm familiar with

is a fruit drink.

No, really.

I've always been amazed by people who work on ship, since I myself get seasick

on Pirates of the Caribbean.

Hi. Hi.

Where are you from?

Here.

And that's good, because it's people like you we want to hear from.

This show will only be as good as you make it, so don't hesitate to speak out

with all the enthusiasm you've shown so far.

And maybe even a little more.

Thanks. God bless.

I'm going to have to move down here on the south end. Oh, give it a rest,

Give it a rest, Mr. Mann.

Would you like my seat, Corky? Yes, I would. Well, you're not getting it. I

wouldn't want to be labeled a gentleman.

I just love field trips, don't you?

Okay, people.

After Jim's intro, we go to Murphy reading the apology for last week's

Now, let's have a good one. And for God's sakes, watch what you say tonight.

In five, four, three, two... Good evening, and welcome to a special

edition of FYI, coming to you live from a town hall meeting in Port Jefferson,

Virginia, a community struggling with the economic realities of the 90s. But

first, Murphy Brown with a brief statement concerning last week's show.

Thank you, Jim.

We at FYI would like to apologize for comments made last week which were

construed as offensive by some members of our audience.

Thank you, Murphy. But something more needs to be said here.

Oh, God, I'm a bit... Most of us don't want to hurt or demean anyone, but the

reality is a society based on free speech is a society in which people are

to get offended. So what do we do? Do we stop talking to one another? Or maybe

we just should stand up and announce to the world what each of us personally

finds offensive.

Clearly... Okay, I'll start.

I don't like the term black.

I prefer African American.

Oh, thank you, sir, but I was speaking metaphorically. Where did all... this

african -american stuff come from i am not from africa call me black and proud

of it no you see there's 250 million of us so all of it i'm a native american

and i'll tell you what offends me to cleveland indians the washington

the atlanta braves why don't you just call them the Atlanta Italians?

That way, instead of a tomahawk chop, y 'all can flip a pizza in the air.

Yes, well, that's an interesting point of view, but my point is that it's a

complex... Hey, hey, hey, I'm an Italian -American, and I was offended by what

that guy just said.

I'm also offended by people who think just because you're Italian, you're in

mafia. Um, sir, as someone with a last name Fontana, I can sympathize with what

you're saying, but I think the point Murphy is... Every Italian in the movies

in the mafia. Every joke about an Italian is a mafia joke. Now, why should

Italians have to put up with that?

When everybody knows it's those crazy Sicilians behind the mafia.

Excuse me, but my family is Sicilian.

And you know what I'm talking about.

My turn.

I prefer to be called a person of size.

Who are you kidding? We're fat.

250 million people, and we've only heard from six. Now, I'm no math whiz, but

something tells me we might run into Letterman's monologue.

You know, in times like this, perhaps we should all remember that our

forefathers, in coming to this great land, also grappled with free speech.

Yeah, and then they stole this land from my forefathers, who had been here a

thousand years before you.

Sorry.

Finally, a man apologized.

I'm still waiting to hear from the man who used the term girl. I think they

ought to throw him off the air.

All right, all right, all right. Look, miss, it wasn't my intent.

There he goes again. It's not miss, it's miss. Okay, now this is my point. We

can't all keep jumping on every little comment, especially if it isn't meant to

be offensive.

And any rational person would know his use of the word girl wasn't intended to

be offensive.

I wasn't talking to you. I was talking to him.

And I don't care what he intended or what he thought or what he thought he

intended. I don't even want to be called girl.

Okay. How about car alarm?

You think that's funny?

I'm sorry, I do. Funny and a little accurate.

If Jermaine Greer is through, I'm gay and I've had it up to here with all

hairdresser jokes.

What's not funny are all these Polish jokes.

Hey, you hear about the Polish gay guy?

Slept with women.

Excuse me. Hey!

Now, we're not going to get anywhere if everybody just focuses on your

differences. Why don't you just think about all of the things you have in

common? Like what?

Like how you're all annoying the hell out of me.

Look,

I don't care what anyone calls me.

I just want a job.

Thank you, sir.

Thank you for reminding us that there are some very important problems there.

Now, wouldn't we rather be discussing those?

Yes, the woman in the glasses. Excuse me, I'm not the woman in the glasses.

visually challenged.

And I'm not tall, I'm vertically enhanced.

And I'm not a secretary, I'm a personal assistant.

At least I was until I was not fired but vocationally dislocated.

Please, everyone, everyone, listen to yourselves. You're acting like children.

I find that comment very insulting.

Everyone, please.

Just turn to your neighbor and give him a little hug.

What a night.

I don't know about you guys, but when that group in the wheelchairs formed a

wedge and went after the Puerto Ricans for statehood, I was looking for the

nearest exit to New York City.

Take you guys out of the FYI studio and you go to pieces.

Tonight was my kind of show.

Exciting, spontaneous, a little dangerous.

I'm going to go see if they turned our limo upside down.

I love this.

We're confused now than ever.

A lot of what people said offended them made sense.

But a lot of it seems silly.

Who decides where to draw the line?

I will.

The next time America speaks out, they can tell it to Hugh Downs.

This night wasn't a total loss. We got to hear that great high C joke.

I'm telling you, if Moses had had material like that, the Pharaoh wouldn't

your people go a hell of a lot sooner.

Yeah, like I'm going to take comedy tips from a shitshow.

I can't wait to see the mail we get on this one.

To celebrate our 20th anniversary, we're going to party like it's 1985 with a

lineup of hit shows from the year Nick at Night began.

It's Nick at Night's 20th anniversary celebration.

Three nights starting Tuesday, June 21st at 10 p .m.