Original subtitles

Hey, guys.

There you go. Here he is. Five days undercover and back right on schedule

killer story about fraud in the trucking industry.

Didn't even stop home to change. Is that integrity or what?

Didn't stop home to shower either.

Is that Frank O'Deville chop?

You try spending five days in a tractor trailer full of uninspected meat. I

celebrated Easter Sunday, crashed behind some bad pork, playing this little

piggy went to market a week and a half too late.

Here's your footage. I'm going home to bed.

Absolutely. You go home, get some rest.

Then I need you at the White House by four this afternoon. This afternoon?

Miles, I had to use a rump roast for a pillow last night. I'm exhausted.

Why do I have to go to the White House today?

Because Jim still has to do two interviews for his commentary this week,

Miles doesn't think I'm ready to interview the president.

I never said that.

That's what you meant.

Or did I misunderstand you when you said, gee, Corky, I'd love to send you,

isn't this the night you normally do your laundry?

It's just that I know how important your laundry is to you. I still remember how

excited you got that they tied went lemon fresh.

Frank, be at the White House by 4. Wait a minute.

There is a Clinton interview at the White House and Murphy isn't doing it.

What happened? I'll tell.

Nothing happened.

It was just a simple misunderstanding. It's really kind of laughable.

I can't believe it. You got banned again?

How could that happen?

Murph, it's a new administration.

I thought you had a clean slate.

Had. She had a clean slate.

Had, as in I had a stomach lining.

I still have a clean slate. Well, it's a little stained, perhaps, but only like

water spots on a glass. Barely noticeable. It's not a big deal.

I'm telling.

I'm starting to tell. Why don't you go home to shower? I think I see some

gristle on your neck. I'm sorry, Murph. I spent the last five days living in

truck stops and start for any conversation that doesn't end with a

then I shot him.

Let's hear this, Corky.

Okay. It started a couple of days before Easter.

Happy Easter, Marv.

Happy Easter, Bobby.

Here you go, Murphy. Happy Easter.

Murphy! Release!

I'm glad to see you're in holiday mood.

But a word to the wise. Too many sweets can change that lovely complexion from

peaches and cream to something more like peaches and cream corn.

I'll give you 20 bucks for the entire basket.

Murphy, why are you acting so... Oh, no.

Ever since Avery was born, I've been trying to figure out your new cycle.

think Murphy's expecting a visit from her special friend.

Really? Is it that nice young man who... Oh, dear Lord.

What's the matter with you, Cookie?

You don't play catch with a hydrogen bomb.

You two are so wrong. What you're seeing has nothing to do with water, weight,

hormones, or cycles of the moon.

It's just plain old frustration, pure and simple.

Of course, Murphy. We believe you, Slugger. Try the little yellow chickies.

It's been three months since Clinton's inauguration, and have I been able to

so much as one exclusive interview with him? No, I have not. I don't understand

that, Murphy. The president's been very good about giving interviews.

Corky's a race lugger. Yesterday I was flipping around the television dial, and

there he was on the sports channel, standing in the middle of a river

rubber pants explaining his tax policy to fly fishermen.

That's exactly my point. The man will talk to anyone. I can't get anything

exclusive. I had an easier time getting an interview with President Bush.

Yes, well, you and President Bush had that very special relationship.

Didn't it start when you ran him over with a bicycle?

No, Jim.

First, there was a fistfight she started at the White House press conference.

That's right.

Then came the unfortunate incident in the steam room of the Yale Club.

All right, Bush and I had a few misunderstandings. The point is, it was

to be better for me with Clinton, and it's not.

That's why I'm ready to strangle someone.

Good morning, everybody.

Well, I feel bad for him, but I'm glad it's not one of us.

See you guys. So.

How's my favorite working mother?

Miles, I'll give you 30 seconds to tell me why the network's been absolutely no

help getting me an interview with Clinton. Oh, God, it's that time again,

it?

Anybody call and warn me?

Well, I have been calling everyone I know. Murphy, Murphy, Murphy, say no

You'll be happy to know I just got off the phone with the president's press

secretary, who has put aside one whole hour. It's Thursday at 4.

You, one -on -one with the president.

Thank you, D .D. Myers. I knew my woman press secretary would come through for

me. You see this smile? It's women of the press banding together, supporting

each other. I can't wait to rub Barbara Walters' nose in it.

I don't know if I'd do that. I mean, that sort of petty gloating is really

of beneath you, isn't it?

Okay, maybe it's not.

But since you mentioned Barbara, I think I should tell you.

She's interviewing him two days before you are.

I'm interviewing him after Barbara Walters?

Uh, no. Actually, Diane Sawyer's after Barbara. You're after Diane?

I'm third?

Well, third in this particular arrangement, yes, but in her heart's

Well, thank you, Needy, for nothing.

This is all because I mistook her for a volunteer at the inaugural ball and

asked her to bring me a seltzer. I don't know what the big deal was. I tipped

her.

It's not deliberate, Murphy. Clinton wants to make a big media push for his

economic program, so to be fair, they put all the reporters' names in a hat

pulse. A hat?

Oh, wonderful.

Just when favoritism was finally working for me, our government decides to

practice democracy.

What is happening in this country?

Listen, Miles, I cannot be third.

Sawyer will get all the facts out of him. Walters will make him cry.

By the time I get to him, there'll be nothing left but a pair of running

and an autographed picture of the cast of Evening Shade.

I tried to get them to change the order. I did. I was on the phone with George

Stephanopoulos all morning, bribing him with extra airtime.

That's not how we do things at the Clinton White House, little pitcher.

I was dealing with the White House when he was sitting in his dorm room drawing

in chess there with a magic marker.

Not that that's something guys do.

Listen, Miles, Murphy Brown cannot be third. I will find some way to get to

Clinton first and alone. I am on the hunt.

As far as I'm concerned, this is Barbara Walters.

And this is Diane Floyd.

I feel bad for them, but at least it's not one of us.

You

know,

Jim, I just realized I think this is the first time you and I have ever had

lunch together.

I mean, just us.

Well, how about that?

If you think about it, we hardly do anything together.

The truth is, we barely even talk to each other unless the rest of the gang

around. I wonder why that is.

Corky, really, you and I talk all the time. Why, just this morning...

We were getting coffee, and you asked if there was more non -dairy creamer, and

I said, why don't you check under the counter, and you did, and you said, oh,

there is some more here. Good, thank you, Jim. So please, let's not hear any

more about us not talking. We talk all the time. We're talking now. Murphy,

hello, over here.

Corky and I were just talking like we always do. You know, we do go on. Just

and stop us, I dare you.

for you before we came down, Murphy.

Where'd you run off to?

It was too perfect.

One of my White House sources told me Clinton was going to be having lunch at

Taco Villa.

So I walked into the place.

Sam Donaldson's at a table near the door.

Jane Pauley's hovering around the condiments. And I'm not sure, but I

hostess was heraldo in a wig and a peasant blouse. I can understand your

frustration, slugger, but you gave it your best shot. Now there's nothing left

to do, but stand by and wait your turn.

Oh, I'm sorry. I forgot who I was talking to.

That's right, Jim. I'm not sunk yet.

It's true I haven't been able to get to Clinton on my own, but that just means

it's time to appeal to a higher power.

God doesn't answer selfish prayers, Murphy.

I know.

Because my ex -husband still hasn't been struck down by a plague of oils.

I'm talking about Phil, Corky. I don't know why I didn't think of this before.

Hey there, Murphy.

Hi, Phil.

Listen, I need to ask you a favor. Sorry, can't do it. You don't even know

I want.

Sure I do.

You want me to use my influence to get an interview with Clinton before Sawyer

and Walters?

How'd you know that?

Oh, come on, Murphy.

I'm Phil. Oh, God. I hate when you say that.

Listen, Phil, you're the only one who can help me. And let's face it, you've

an in with every president since Eisenhower.

Truman, he came in here for a drink right after my dad turned the place over

me.

Tried to pick up his change instead of leaving it for a tip. I said, hey, Eric,

that buck stops here.

The rest is history.

That's a great story, Phil. Can you help me with that?

I just can't. help you, Murphy.

I tried to make contact with the man, but as a Washington outsider, Clinton

doesn't seem to understand the importance of the Phil's tradition.

There's got to be a way.

I'm sorry, Murphy.

Now, if you wanted Al Gore, just say the word. I could have him at your place in

under an hour.

Just make sure that your recyclables are separated.

I'll see glass and plastic all mixed together and just flips out.

Can you say egg?

Yeah.

Okay.

Amy and I are about to embark on a traditional Easter ritual.

Although, you know, I have to tell you that the religious significance of

artificially colored eggs being delivered by a large basket -wielding

that just continues to elude me. Eldon. Yes,

I'm holding. I've been holding for five minutes.

I know the president's mother is very busy, but I really have to speak to her.

Well, I'm sure she'd want to speak to me if she knew I was calling from the

pretty lady beauty salon and she'd want a complimentary streak and tip.

Listen, what's your name?

Lupe. Lupe what?

Lupe Smith?

Okay, Chung, drop the phony Spanish accent.

I know it's you, Connie.

Me? I'm... Cokie Roberts.

I can't believe this. I am shut out.

Well, that did it. That's the best I can do. Well, you know, I have to disagree

with you. I think you did your best work on that earlier call when you were

trying to convince that Hillary woman that her husband had won a timeshare in

beautiful Coral Gables, Florida.

That was good, wasn't it? I almost had her, too. Did you hear my description of

the joy of buzzing through the Everglades on a fan boat?

That was extremely vivid. You know, I could almost taste the gator meat.

Well, for now, all for naught.

This is an historic occasion, Avery.

Your mother is going to be third.

Well, that doesn't matter, does it? No, because I'm first with you, aren't I?

Now, let's show those eggs who was bought. Whoa, whoa. We're still in the

preparation phase here. We are sanding the shells to get them ready to receive

the dye. We are mulling over patinas.

Done.

Philistine.

Oh, Avery.

Isn't this fun?

You know, your mommy never did this when she was a little girl.

I think once we tried, but... Ended up in a typical Brown family disagreement.

Your Grandma Avery threw all the eggs at your grandfather's brand -new Buick.

And your grandfather retaliated by running over your grandmother's Easter

with a lawnmower.

Ooh, look what Mommy did.

Why do you have to be so messy?

Art requires delicacy, subtlety, clarity.

You're dripping all over the funny page. You've got to drip all over the life

section. Something I don't care about.

Hemlines. Whoa.

Oh, the Easter egg hunt on the White House.

Did I say White House?

I meant White...

Cliffs. Yes, the White Cliffs of Dover. Every year, small, very small English

children, they scale the treacherous limestone cliffs, fighting off marine

birds, hawks, in search of their elusive Easter booty. It's really quite an

inspiration. Give me the paper.

Easter booty.

President Clinton to host annual White House egg hunt.

Oh, we're having one there, too?

Hey, Sheldon, what did you think I was going to do? Read this article and then

see that anyone with a child eight years old or under could attend and then

selfishly use my own flesh and blood to gain access to the president?

Bingo.

Well... I'll admit that just for a second I flashed on it, but I'm

spending Easter with Avery, and that's what we're going to do. Uh -huh.

You don't think I can do it? Well, I will prove it to you.

We are going to that egg hunt tomorrow, and even if the president begs me for an

exclusive, I'm going to say, I'm sorry, Mr. President, I'm spending the day with

someone a little more important than you.

Look,

here's one.

Oh, no, it's a mushroom.

Well, we're getting closer.

I don't know what is happening here. We've been wandering around for 45

We have yet to find one single egg.

Well, the Democrats are cutting back, but this is ridiculous. Now, now, we're

going to find one. The important thing here is we do not lose that holiday

spirit. Don't talk to me about holiday spirit. Talk to that woman over there in

the red muumuu.

I can't believe how she fought me over one measly egg. It was in her basket at

the time.

Still, spitting is never an acceptable solution to anything.

What kind of an example is that? Okay, look, let's try to forget that. Now, I

think the reason we have not found one egg is because we are not thinking like

one. So, if I were an egg, where would I be?

Extra order of hash browns and some toast.

I've been in the Bush administration as long as lousy with eggs.

Oh, hold the phone. I believe I should have paid her, right?

Golf ball.

Property of Gerald R.

Ford.

Never mind.

You're not going to believe what you saw. Who? The president.

You're kidding. He's actually on the wall. Right over there.

He's so charming and smart.

He explained his entire tax package and told me how to get the grass stains out

of Becky's jumper. Come on, I'll take you over.

Mikey, don't hold yourself there. We're going to meet the president.

Are you okay?

For no reason. I just couldn't help but notice those specks of saliva around the

corners of your mouth.

Okay, so he's here.

It's his house. Why shouldn't he be here?

Besides, that doesn't change the reason for our coming. To enjoy the day as a

family and go home with at least one egg in our hands.

Well, you know, considering your family's history with cholesterol, maybe

shouldn't have an egg.

I say we go home. Eldon, my son came to find Easter eggs and that's what we're

going to do. He's going to get one even if I have to lay it myself.

Now listen, why don't you take him and look over there?

I'll go work this side.

Are you sure that we shouldn't just stay together?

Believe me, I can handle this. Besides, we'll cover more ground this way.

Okay, sweetie.

Hang on a second.

Bugs. You wouldn't have to know where they fetch the Easter eggs, would you?

First of all, the name's not Bugs. Second, it's an Easter egg hunt, not an

Easter egg ask the bunny where they are.

But you've got quite a bit of attitude for someone who looks like they should

out in the woods dropping boulders on Elmer Fudd.

Hey, look, lady. You think I like standing around in this stupid suit

drooling brats throw eggs at my fluffy little butt?

During the Bush administration, I was a deputy budget director.

So you got a promotion.

I just need one egg so I can get out of here.

If you help me out, I'll make it worth your while.

Wow, five bucks.

Wait till I get back to the hutch and tell the missus we can finally send

to college.

Real nice holiday spirit, pal.

Next time you're hopping down that bunny trail, watch out for a white Porsche.

Is there a problem, ma 'am?

Problem? No, no problem. Just tracking down the old Easter eggs. Los Egos

Esteros. Hi, I'm Murphy Brown.

Those are very nice glasses. Ray -Bans?

You have a child, ma 'am.

Do I have a child?

You obviously were never assigned to Vice President Coyle.

I thought I know.

Hi, honey pie.

Hi. Under eight years of age, of course.

I'm a stickler for rules. Yeah.

Well, if you'll excuse us, we've got places to go and egg pie.

Just so you know, I'm a small cog in the juggernaut that is that woman's life.

Well, then.

Pity me.

What is it with you? We leave you out of our sight for two seconds and you get

the feds involved.

I swear to you, Eldon, I just wanted to be alone with a kid today.

Then the second I heard the president was here, the reporter in me started to

take over. I tried to fight it.

The next thing I know, I'm running around like a crazy woman offering

giant bunnies. I'm a sick person. You're absolutely right. I think we should go

home before your head explodes and you scare all the children.

No, Eldon, I have to fight this. It's the only way I'm going to beat it.

I'm going to go up to the president, I'm going to say hello to him like a normal

mother, and then I'm going to walk away.

I have to do this, not just for myself, but for Avery.

There he is.

Okay.

All right. Annie, mommy's about to make you proud of her.

Mr. President.

Mr. President, hi. It's Murphy Brown.

Don't run away. I don't want an interview. My son and I just wanted to

a very happy... Watch where you're going there.

Watch this.

Oh, Jesus.

do with me.

Murphy, what's going on?

Miles Silverberg.

The sunglasses, the dark suit, the unhappy facial expressions, secret

Oh, God, please, Murphy, tell me you've been counterfeiting.

Brown was removed from the White House ground for disorderly conduct,

behavior, and a possible assault on the president.

She made him eat dirt. Oh, well, now, that is a total exaggeration.

And I don't want to be the one to point this out, but what was the man doing at

an egg hunt in the first place? Do we have a national health care plan yet? Do

we have a balanced budget? What is it, just party, party, party with this guy?

You disrupted the Easter egg hunt? I said hello to him.

Oh, sure.

And what better way to greet the leader of the free world than the body check of

a holiday party?

I should have known something like this would happen to me at Easter.

It's always been a particularly hard time for my people.

misunderstanding. I'll clear it all up on Thursday in my interview with the

President.

You hear that?

They laugh.

Secret Service men never laugh.

We've never heard anything quite so funny before.

Let's just say word is, better find someone else to cover the White House

while. A while? What's that supposed to mean?

My guess is four years, possibly eight.

After that, you can take it up with President Gore.

We'll hear him talk anyway.

Congratulations. You've done it again.

You've alienated yet another administration.

We're looking at at least four more years of getting our presidential quotes

from Ernie the White House barber.

You let me finish.

I always thought the problem was having a Republican in the White House. But

that isn't it. The Republicans aren't the problem.

The Democrats aren't the problem. It wouldn't matter if the Bull Moose Party

came back to power.

You. You.

You're the problem.

You.

All right, I admit that might seem to be the case, and I'll admit my prospects

for Clinton don't look too good right now.

But may I remind you the president comes from a town called Hope?

Well, I still have Hope, Miles, and I'm going to hold on to it.

You know, all in all, this hasn't been too bad a day.

I got to play outside with my son, introduce him to the president, and I

got one of these.

An Easter egg?

Yeah, I found it when they were dragging me through the azaleas.

Things are definitely looking up.

Mark.

It's a plywood, a hammer, and some nails. If we hurry, maybe we can feel

there.