Original subtitles

Rita, we've got a big change of schedule. Call editing and cancel my

then call research and tell them I need an assistant in 20 minutes. Then see if

you can reschedule my lunch with Cokie Roberts for next Tuesday. You got that?

Absolutely. Let me get a pencil so I can write that down.

Just add one.

Rita!

I want you to hear this, guys. You too.

I'm dumping my story on hospital negligence. Something great just came

do you mean you're dumping it? You're flying to San Diego in two days to shoot

it. What's going on?

Nobody told me we were having a meeting. I'm senior anchor. I should be told

these things. It's not a meeting, Jim.

That's what they told Arthur Kent when he stumbled under their little lie.

He knew what did him. His pachinko machine was out in the hall and everyone

welcoming a new guy named Bob.

You know we don't drop stories this late in the game unless it's something

really big.

Okay, Miles, you tell me if it's big or not. 20 ,000 people descending on

Washington to protest an oil company that's been abusing the environment for

over two decades.

A protest against Noram Petroleum?

No doubt a reaction to their recent tanker spill. How many people here knew

that? You see, lucky I happened by.

We're all lucky, Jim.

Lucky to be living in a country where ordinary citizens can stand up to a

callous corporate giant and demand to be heard. I love this story. Who's

organizing the demonstration, Murphy?

Coalition for Tomorrow. I just got this fax from their New York office.

Coalition for Tomorrow.

No,

no, no, no. I have never heard of these guys. That's too bad. That would have

been a nice story. What's everybody doing this weekend?

Miles, what are you talking about?

Everybody's heard of the Coalition for Tomorrow. They've been around for years.

And look at the board of directors.

Two former senators, a retired admiral.

Oh, and look, here's something funny.

They're two people by the name of Silverberg.

Nathan and Connie.

Are they in relation?

You killed me. Come here, you crazy pig. No, no, no, no.

Silverberg is a very common name in New York. It's like Wong in China or O

'Brien in Ireland.

Or a little liar in the newsroom. Come on, Miles, what are you hiding? You're

sweating so much we could open a water slide on your forehead.

You killed me. Come here, you crazy pig.

Miles, we're not buying it. Now, come on. These people are relatives of yours,

aren't they? Admit it.

They're not relatives.

They're my parents. What?

They're founding members of the coalition.

In fact, they're founding members of just about every coalition.

If there was a coalition of the month club, they'd be founding members of

That's wonderful.

Does it mean they're coming to town? Well, I wouldn't be surprised.

If it fits in, pickets or marches, they'll be there.

Well, what do you know?

Miles, I need a tax shelter, Silverberg, son of radical activists.

It isn't funny, Murphy.

You try growing up with parents like mine. When I was nine, I was drummed out

the Cub Scouts because my mother declared it a fascist organization.

four college teaching jobs in five years because he kept encouraging his

students to overtake the dean's office. Two of those times he was the dean.

I'm confused.

Didn't you once say your parents had a one -hour martinizing franchise?

Yes, I made it all up. I was embarrassed, all right? I mean, they're

and I love them, but everything is a cause to them, the fanatics.

Oh, Miles, you're exaggerating.

Everybody paints a worse picture of their parents than they actually are.

Except for Frank.

She's right. My parents are the worst. My mother made me practice the mamba

her in the living room in front of the big picture window where all my friends

could see.

Big deal.

My parents picketed my senior prom dressed as dolphins because tuna was

served as an appetizer.

Oh, yeah?

My mom once made me get a crew cut because she caught me in the attic with

Pat Savarese playing St. Francis and the Cigarette Girl.

That's nothing.

What is it?

Yes,

yes, a story on hospital negligence. I'm sure you will do a wonderful job. Now,

if you'll excuse me. Miles, are you saying you won't let me cover one of the

most important protests of the decade because you're afraid your parents will

show up dressed as Flipper?

Might I remind you we have a responsibility to our viewers? No, not

viewers, but to all of humanity for generations to come.

Forget humanity.

I've got bigger problems.

Nathan and Connie Silverberg are coming to town.

We're not discussing that, Corky.

But don't your parents want to meet us?

Parents always want to meet your friend.

And so far, you're the only ones we haven't met.

Except for Jams.

That's only because they're dead.

Right, kid?

Yes, Corky, but why should we let that stop us?

Matter of fact, the next time Doris and I drive up to the Dial family mausoleum,

why don't we all go?

Hell, let's bring a cake and party down.

Corky, they're not going to have time for that.

only here to protest. Believe me, this is strictly a chance and run kind of

thing. Is this table just for the cultural elite, or can anybody sit here?

Nathan! Connie!

Look, everybody.

It's Nathan and Connie.

Hello, Miles. You're looking good. How's your colon holding up?

Fine. And yours?

It's good, because I eat whole grains and practice yoga, unlike you, Mr. Fast

Food, Mr. Red Meat.

Here, I made a list of organic food stores in the area.

Please. For me.

I'm coming out of editing, and who should be in the corridor looking for

your parents? We would have gotten here a lot sooner, but, well, we ran into the

president of the network, and God, we're talking about things.

Things? Yeah, like how he can sleep at night when his creatively corrupt

is pouring out hour after hour of his deepest garbage while ignoring its

obligation to educate the public. Things like that.

He wants to talk to you later.

Hello.

Horky Sherwood, of course.

I haven't met many radical activists, so if I say anything to offend you, please

let me know.

So have you blown up many buildings?

Murphy Brown.

You know, Miles has told us so much about you, haven't you, Miles?

Really, did he say we were dry cleaners or the king and queen of SofaBed City?

When he was nine, he told his friends we were in the circus.

Nate was the guy who got shot out of the cannon, and I hung from a rope by my

teeth.

I bet you get some great stories about Miles. What was he like as a kid?

He was very shy, weren't you, Miles? When he was in Little League, Nate and I

used to hide behind trees in the park to watch him play because he didn't want

it there. Well, that was only after you staged a sit -in in second base to

protest to call an umpire, Nate. You were clearly safe.

Right. My refer is murder.

Connie, please.

It's not like I threw ketchup on her.

This is turning out to be a fascinating lunch.

Tell me, How was puberty for a young Miles? Well, so much for chatting. Don't

you all have editing notes due on my desk by 2 o 'clock?

Uh -oh, somebody's cracking the whip.

It was wonderful meeting you. Oh, and I love your peace tattoo.

Thank you. I got it in Berkeley. The colors are fading a little now.

But the butterfly in her thigh is still vibrant and alive.

Nature lover.

Oh, my.

Well, perhaps we'll see you again during your visit. Until then, power to the

people.

By the way, Miles, about that little competition we were having yesterday,

win.

Oh.

Don't you have to be going too, Murphy? Uh -uh.

Hey, there.

Let me clear some of these things out of the way.

You shouldn't sit like that, Miles. You'll develop a hump.

Friend, are you protected by the Union?

Me?

No. Unbelievable.

You can talk to us. Your boss taking advantage of you. It happens all the

in joints like this, you know.

Does it now?

Unpaid wages, long hours, no benefit. Say the word and we can throw off a

against the management scum in no time.

Who the hell are these people?

These are Miles' parents, Connie and Nathan Silverberg.

And this is Phil.

As in Phil's on the napkin, on the menu, on the window. Phil! Phil!

Not just a coincidence.

How about that, Carter? We did it again, huh?

Oh, that's okay. First of all, I do run a union crew.

Second, I like your kid.

And third, there's a fancy -schmancy steakhouse down the street called Chad's

that's non -union.

Chad's? That's right.

Green awning out front, valet parking by the curb. You can't miss it.

That'll teach Chad to spread rumors that I get my meat from the National Harness

Racing Association.

You know, it's funny. Miles and I were just talking about the possibility of my

doing a story on the Noram protest.

But we decided against it. Why? They deserve the attention.

You know, we've been working to keep Noram honest since the Point Lobo

protest. Really? Since 1971?

We've organized boycotts against them, letter -writing campaigns.

Remember when you and your friends stuffed envelopes at your 14th birthday

party? Oh, I remember.

We tried to play spin the bottle later, but everybody had paper cups on their

tongue.

And you served lemonade.

I can still hear the screams.

Fighting the same corporate giant for over 20 years. What commitment.

You know, an interview with you two would make a terrific background piece

the story. No, it wouldn't.

Yes, it would. Thanks, but we don't want to do anything that would take focus

off the protest.

You see, they don't want to do it anyway, even if you were doing the

which you're not. It wouldn't attract. It would strengthen it. It wouldn't. It

would. You think?

Trust me. Well, let's do it. I said no.

No. But it's my show.

Miles, your eye is twitching.

This settles it.

Nathan and I are treating you to ten sessions at the Kundalini Yoga Center,

we won't take no for an answer.

Of course you won't.

Nobody in this team thinks no for an answer, do they? Fine, you do your

you do what you want, so what if it goes against my wishes?

So what if it kills me?

It must have been a joy to toilet train.

We're here... Miles, where are your parents?

You were supposed to have them here for the pre -interview.

They refused to ride in my BMW as part of their ongoing boycott of the internal

combustion engine.

They said they prefer walking. It's good exercise and it gives them the chance

to continue their search for the ultimate bran muffin.

Jeez, Miles. If your eyes were any pinker, I'd have to buy you gerbil food

an exercise wheel.

Last night was a nightmare.

I forgot how excited my parents get before a protest.

And when I say excited, I mean excited.

Wow. Really?

After 30 years of marriage, they still have that kind of passion for one

another? That's great.

So do I, in theory.

In the next room, it's another story.

I got up three times to answer the door before I realized what was going on.

How on God's earth am I supposed to look them in the eye when they get here? Do

what I do. Look them right in the forehead.

They think you're making eye contact, but you're really not. Oh, I'm not going

to do that. It's absurd. Jubilant.

I'm getting the hell out before they get here.

Connie, how nice to see you again. Miles tells me you're enjoying your visit.

Bye now.

Is there something on my forehead?

Hi, glad you could make it.

I mean, make it here to the office, as opposed to making it somewhere else.

Here's the coffee. I'll get here.

I told you, Nate, we were too loud.

Hello again.

I didn't know how long you'd be in town, but I wrote down... A few places I

thought you might enjoy.

The Arboretum is always a treat.

DuPont Circle has excellent shopping. And you absolutely should miss the First

Lady's Dress Collection at the Smithsonian.

Thank you. But the only free time we have is this afternoon before the

And we volunteer to serve lunch at a homeless shelter.

Oh. Well, that's fun, too.

If I don't see you before you go, enjoy the protest.

Thanks. Although today's demonstrations aren't what they used to be.

In the old days, we'd prepare for tear gas, fire hoses, police dogs.

Gosh, those were fun times.

They're so cute.

Murphy, before you go down to the demonstration, I just wanted you to know

been doing a lot of thinking about it, and you were right. It is a good story,

and I'm glad you talked me into covering it.

What do you want, Miles?

Please, please, please.

Don't shoot a lot of footage of my parents shouting and waving their fists

the air, okay? They're very enthusiastic people, and with all the television

cameras around, I'm afraid they might get carried away and do something

Miles, the work your parents are doing is very important.

If you could just get past the personal embarrassment and look at the bigger

picture, you would see that.

It's not just the embarrassment, Murphy.

Believe me, I've learned how to deal with that.

Well, almost.

What I haven't learned how to deal with is the fear. My whole life, I've been

watching these people go off to these demonstrations, terrified of what might

happen to them. I've seen them come home with black eyes and bruises. I just

don't want to go through it anymore. Hey, Murph. Murph, I just heard that

Noram's beefing up security. They're going to try to clear out the building

before the press shows up.

Oh, boy. I better get down there. Miles, you want to come along? I can't.

Miles, this demonstration could get pretty rough. You sure your parents are

going to be all right? I can't spend my whole life worrying about them, Frank.

They should be down in Florida playing Marzong and complaining that I don't

them enough like other people's parents. My parents once complained I called

them too much. Stop it, Frank! We're not playing that game anymore!

I got a crew waiting. I gotta go. Miles, I'll try to keep an eye on them for

you.

Oh, man.

I wish I could separate myself from my parents like that.

I remember the time my father crashed his golf cart into the snack bar. He

me that the hot dog bun was pushing his ball, but I still had to fly down there

right away and make sure he was okay. And here you are. Your parents are going

off to face God knows what.

Man, I admire you. You are one tough.

Where are you going? Where do you think, Frank? They're my parents.

Golf cart.

Hot dog bun.

Talk to me when you have something.

What's most inspiring is the dedication you've shown over the decades.

What I wonder is, does it ever get a little discouraging, the lack of shots?

Miles, you're in the shot. Why are you here anyway?

Security is starting to clear the lobby. I think we should go. What are you

talking about, Joe? We're in the middle of taping. I was just going to tell that

story about me and Connie at the Seabrook power plant protest.

You were at Seabrook? I was at Seabrook. No kidding.

Where were you? I was chained to the fence on the north side of the reactor.

were playing dead at the main entrance.

Later? Come on, I want to leave before somebody gets hurt. Miles, we're fine.

Now just get out of the shot and let me finish up. No, I will not just get out

of the shot.

No, if you're not going to come with me, then I'll just stay in here and ruin

your interview. I'll just have a little protest of my own. I hate when he gets

like this.

He probably grew up with that alternative lifestyle commune. He lost

the car and refused to come out.

Families were playing softball in the nude. I wasn't going to do that,

especially with all those straight dogs running around.

I want to see if I can get a quote. Come on, guys. Be right back. Mr. Scofield!

Do you know how hard it is to get airtime on a show like FYI? Of course I

I'm the executive producer!

Come on, here we go. Let's go, folks. I have orders to vacate the building.

I'm trying to get them to leave soon. Just give me a minute. I don't have a

minute. Come on. You too, Johnny. No, you don't understand how you're hurting

arm! Hey, you can't do this! I'm a U .S. citizen!

Back off, boys!

Buzz?

We don't call them that anymore.

Besides, he's not even a real cop. He's one of those rent -a -cops. What's the

matter? Quick, dear pastor, which end do I hold the Billy Club test?

Hey, Mike, come over here. Here we go.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, we're going to. Hey, hear me?

Take your hands off of me.

Why don't you give it another try?

Miles.

Come on, boy. You're going to have to talk to her later.

You want to talk?

How's this?

Look at me.

I was arrested today.

My fingers are stained with ink.

The ink that's touched the heads of robbers and murderers.

rags of society.

Present company excluded.

Miles, please, try to keep this in perspective.

It's only a misdemeanor.

And being that it's your first offense, you can probably cop a plea and get off

with probation.

Cop a plea?

My mother wants me to cop a plea.

You should be making a three -bean salad or sitting under a hair dryer bragging

to your friends about my salary. What is wrong with you people?

Why can't you be normal parents?

What's that supposed to mean?

We are having this conversation in a jail.

Doesn't that say anything to you?

My whole life has been about you and your causes.

Even our summer vacation.

We never went to Disney World or the Jersey Shore or the Grand Canyon like I

wanted. No, the Silverbergs drove to California and picked grapes with Cesar

Chavez.

That's right.

You learned Spanish and met some very nice people.

Yeah. And you stepped on barbed wire and we had to drive 50 miles to get you a

tetanus shot.

Every time you stopped talking, I thought you had lockjaw.

The year we marched in Boston, Nathan got knocked over by a police horse and

dislocated his shoulder.

For years, I had nightmares whenever I watched Mr. Ed. What kind of a childhood

is that?

Miles, we had no idea you felt this way.

Why haven't you said something before now?

What was I supposed to say?

Don't save Bolivia this weekend. I want to go get a new bike.

Bolivia? When did we save Bolivia?

I don't know. Maybe it was Brazil. I don't know. I don't think well of this.

realize that we haven't been the most conventional parents, but we were trying

to give you something better than a new bike. We were trying to give you a

better world.

And even though you may feel you didn't get everything you need, in our eyes,

you turned out pretty great.

Your father's always bragging about you on the picket line.

You are?

Well, yes.

What do you say?

Well, I say that within the confines of the mainstream capitalist corporate

structure, Miles Silverberg is making a difference.

And I tell him I'm proud of you.

You want to see my weekly pay stub?

It's all right. You left it on the bedroom bureau.

Not bad, huh?

Yeah. Miles, you know, we don't care anything about money, but your Uncle

is going to plot.

Miles, I know we can't do anything to change the past, but maybe we can all do

something to change the present.

Well, you could stop protesting, but I know that's not going to happen.

And I could stop worrying, but I know that's not going to happen either.

But there is just...

One other thing. It's just a small thing.

What would you think if I called you both Mom and Dad?

Miles, Mom and Dad are figurehead titles. It's a power trip. We had this

discussion when you were three.

We wanted you to think of us as equals.

Okay. We're equals.

Now can I call you Mom and Dad?

If it'll make you happy, it's okay with me.

Nathan. Okay.

Which one do you want me to be, mom or dad?

I'll be dad. How's that?

I like you.

There he is, officer.

There's the anarchist. Little Prutsky Silverberg.

What are you doing here?

I thought I'd just come down and check up on America's most wanted family.

How are you doing, Miles? Are you okay?

We're fine, Murphy.

I mean, we all are. Great.

In that case, I thought you might want to see a copy of your mugshot. The

profile is especially impressive, don't you think? I ordered one 8x10 print and

a dozen wall ties.

No, no, no, you'll get yours at Christmas along with everyone else.

Hey, uh, what's going on here?

Noram dropped the charges. They did? They dropped the charges? You mean I'm

arrested? No, you'll always be arrested, dear. Just not convicted.

Oh, officer, officer, listen, do you know where I can get the negatives of

these? I'm a little worried about the quality if I blow it up to poster size.

How can all them drop the charges? What's happened to them? They never

have done this in the old days.

You know, we ought to go back and protest this. The building's probably

up by now. I suppose we could jimmy a back door and break a window.

They do love the kid.

No, no, no, no.

Tomorrow, you can do what you want.

Tonight, we are going back to my place, and we are doing what a normal American

family does. What, we're going to watch TV and not talk to each other?

If that's what it takes, yes.

Okay? Mom?

Dad?

Sure. Son.

Feels like a foreign language.

I'm glad we're staying in tonight.

You know what getting arrested always does to me?

Oh, God.

Can I just stay here?