Original subtitles

Okay Maggie, give it to me straight.

problem pregnancy, right?

This kind of nausea can't be normal. Not to mention the headaches.

This isn't what pregnancy is. This is how you feel after a week at the Baghdad

Hilton. I think I need a specialist, someone who really... You know who you

need? A psychiatrist.

Murphy, this is what pregnancy is.

We all go through it. When I was pregnant with Eric, I was on my knees so

kept a pair of shengards in the bathroom.

And if you think... The headaches are bad now. Wait until your 17 -year -old

tells you he's dropping out of school to join a band called Dead Leonard.

Now, lie down. I need to do one more test.

Oh, boy.

Another test.

Personally, I wish I were just a protozoa, going about my business, and

every once in a while I'd stop, divide in half, and then go back to what I was

doing.

Yeah, but protozoa don't get to hear their baby's heartbeat.

That's it?

That's her?

I don't believe it.

Why does she sound like that? Whoosh, whoosh. Why isn't it going ba -boom, ba

-boom?

Murphy, at 12 weeks, the heart is only the size of a sunflower seed.

If it were big enough to go ba -boom, ba -boom, this kid's head would be

sticking out of your throat.

She sounds almost feisty, doesn't she?

Strong, confident.

She's got rhythm, too. This is definitely my kid.

Yep, the latest in a long line of brown women with good calves and an intense

hatred of double -knit slacks.

Okay, I think I've heard enough.

Everything seems fine, but just to be sure, I want to send you for one more

test. Oh, great. Another chance for a total stranger to go spew -winking in my

private parts.

What is it this time?

A chorionic villi sampling, or CVS.

I prescribe it for any woman who's a high -risk pregnancy, and since you're

35, that's you.

This test will let us know if there are any genetic abnormalities and confirm

the sex of the child at the same time. It's not painful, and there are no big

needles involved.

Yeah, sure, and afterwards, the tooth fairy validates my parking, right?

All the doctor does is take a thin, long tube and send it up that same scenic

highway the baby's father took.

Well, I hope it buys me dinner first because I sure didn't get anything out

this the last time.

My nurse will set up the appointment with the doctor who's going to handle

procedure. And since some women experience minor discomfort, I want

drive you there and take you home.

Maggie, I have hiked through 150 miles of Colombian jungle with PMS so bad the

leopards fled in terror.

Handling a car with minor discomfort is not a problem. Sorry, but this baby is

still at a very fragile stage. You get someone to drive you.

Okay. I promise I'll get someone to drive me. I promise that I'll rest.

else? No.

Oh, wait a minute.

Where's my watch?

Ms. Brown, I'm Alice Kimmons, your new secretary, and I'm really excited to be

working for you. I just know it's going to be great. Oh, stop lying, you weak,

pathetic worm. The only reason you're here is to pay for that useless therapy.

It's not useless. It's working.

Don't listen to her, Ms. Brown. That's Rachel, a 37 -year -old divorcee who

lives inside me. Oh, fine. Tell her all our secrets. That's it. We quit.

I'm so sorry, Ms. Brown, but I have no choice.

She's the one who types.

The doctor's in 20 minutes. Well, I'm sorry, but I know how important this CVS

test is, so I stopped by the drugstore to pick up a little something for Lux.

I figured a stuffed animal might be a little too sentimental. I wanted

that worked for a boy or a girl.

They're collector's items, you know.

Each clock is numbered.

It was very expensive.

Even though it looks like crap.

Oh, God, I hate it.

Okay, okay, I'll get you there in plenty of time.

I wonder if I drank enough water. They tell you to drink four glasses for this

test, but what size glass are they talking about? Five ounce, ten ounce,

Flintstones, jelly glass?

Why can't they be specific?

And why do they still write prescriptions in Latin? When was the

ever saw a monk behind a pharmacy counter?

Will you relax? The test is going to go fine. You've got nothing to be worried

about. I'm not worried, Frank. What makes you think I'm worried?

I have absolutely no history of genetic problems in my family.

Unless you count my cousin Larry, who still believes Jimmy Swaggart was

with that hooker.

Frank, I'm glad you feel that way. It's just that when you told me, you didn't

want anyone to know.

Frank, I just didn't kind of broadcast all over the newsroom.

This pregnancy is a very personal thing, and I'd just be more comfortable

keeping it that way.

Maybe I'd better get more water.

Frank, great news.

We just got a call from your informant on the weapons dealer story. He said

ready to talk. Oh, man, that is fantastic.

I have been working on this guy for weeks. He said he'll meet you at the

fountain in Rock Creek Park. But you'd better get moving. He said he'll only

wait a half an hour.

He wants to meet now?

Uh, I can't do it. You're going to have to call him back and reschedule.

Reschedule? Frank, the man is an informant, not a dentist.

See, if they don't need their phone numbers, how am I supposed to get a hold

them? Look in the yellow pages under fill your guts?

Go ahead. I can handle this by myself.

Handle what? No, you can't. You're supposed to have someone take you. Take

where? To buy new tires. It's not that hard, Frank. I'll just get what I got

last time. Four round rubber ones. Bye.

You are not going alone.

Murphy's got to go to the gynecologist for a test.

It's very important that she needs someone to take her. She can't drive

but she didn't want everyone to know about it.

Oh.

Oh.

I see it was something personal and you felt more comfortable sharing it with

Frank than with me. I can accept that. I won't pretend it doesn't hurt, but then

my people are used to pain. We've been dealing with it for some time.

You had to open your mouth, didn't you, Frank? Oh, no, no, no. You were right to

ask Frank to take you. Everybody knows our sense of direction is terrible.

We were wandering through the desert for 40 years and you probably need to get

there sometime today.

Miles, would you please drive me to the doctor? I can't. I've got a big network

meeting upstairs in 10 minutes. Then what the hell was... What's that all

I forgot I was busy until I was halfway through. By then I couldn't stop myself.

Corky, Corky.

Corky can do it. Yes. Do what? Corky, you have to drive Murphy to the

gynecologist for a very important test. Okay, that's it. I'm out of here. Oh,

Murphy. I wish I could, but Will's got a meeting with the book publisher in New

York and I promised I'd drive him to the airport.

I can go by myself.

Oh, no, you can't. Somebody should be there with you.

Everyone, Murphy needs...

and I've got to get all this food up to some corporate powwow on the 18th floor.

Phil, I'll give you $100 if you drive Murphy to the gynecologist.

Okay, that's it. I'm going. I'm getting a cab. I'm going to the doctor's by

myself. Oh, what's this? Someone having a party without me? Jim, are you busy

right now? Oh, God, I'm in hell. That's what this is. Hell. Just having a one o

'clock lunch with David Brinkley. Why? Great. You're taking Murphy to the

gynecologist. The what? Oh, no, I don't think I can do that. Everybody else is

busy. You have to. I most certainly do not. I've been married for 30 years, and

I haven't been to the gynecologist once. I don't intend to start now.

person for this. I'm a terrible driver, really, and I'm under the influence of

medication. I've had three sucrets this morning.

Well, here we are.

Safe and sound.

I'll take all the time you need. I'll be parked right next to the payphone in

the garage. Here's the number.

Jim, it's 30 degrees down there. Now just sit down and read a magazine.

I'll be out in a while.

Hi. I'm Murphy Brown, and I have an 11 o 'clock appointment with Dr.

Chapin. Oh, hi, Ms. Brown.

Doctor's running just a little late, so if you'll have a seat, we'll be with you

as soon as we can. Okay?

Just how late is a little late, Becky?

Oh, not much.

20 minutes, maybe 25, that's all. You just sit down and relax.

We'll call you. Okay?

I have had six gallons of water in the last half hour. I am physically

of sitting down and relaxing.

I am bursting to see the doctor, and I want to see him now.

Kate!

I'm sorry, Ms. Brown, but there are other people ahead of you.

Becky, look at me. Hoover Dam isn't as full as I am. If you don't get me in

there soon, there's no telling how many lives could be lost.

Maybe I should go find somebody. That's right. Go. Find somebody. Fast!

have to wait.

Oh, sure. I bet he's not even in there, is he? He's at the Mercedes dealership

trying to get the leather package at cost, right?

No, no, he's here, I swear it. He's inside Mrs. Anderson right now.

Is there another doctor's office nearby with a waiting room I could use? Perhaps

a nice podiatrist?

Jim, don't worry. I'll handle this.

Um, everyone, could I have your attention, please?

I'm Murphy Brown, and...

In exactly two hours, I will be conducting a very important telephone

with Israeli Prime Minister Shamir. Now, I can't tell you everything about it,

but it is possible that what transpires between us could help to forge a real

and lasting peace in the Middle East. So, unless someone else has something

important on the fire, I'd like to go in next, all right?

No, it is not all right.

I'm Edie Landreau, and in an hour... and a half i have to pick up my twins and

six other kids at the criterion centerplex i have to drive three of the

ballet class two to swimming class and one to the orthodontist then i have to

home clean the house get dinner started go back and pick these kids up drop them

off at their homes pick my mother up and be back in time to search fruitlessly

through my wardrobe for something that will not make me look like a volkswagen

bus when my husband comes home so you tell mr shamir

Good morning. I'm Dr. Chapin. We're going to start with the ultrasound and

the CVS. Lie back.

Wait a minute. No nice to meet you. No sorry for the delay. We're about to get

fairly intimate here. I wouldn't mind a little small talk.

Of course. Of course. My apologies. It's been a busy morning.

So, um, that Bart Simpson, quite a card?

Maybe we better move on to the exam.

All right.

How are you feeling?

Like I swallowed the penguin pool at the National Zoo.

Well, there's a reason for drinking the water. It provides an acoustical window

so that the sound waves have something to resonate... So that it's easier to

the baby, I know. Maria Shriver explained it to me.

Oh, yes, Maria Shriver.

An absolute textbook set of ovaries.

1 .2 centimeters across.

Yeah, and Arnold sure knows how to pick them.

The placenta location is posterior gestational sac.

Approximately five centimeters.

Well, this is fascinating. Absolutely fascinating.

What? What do you see?

If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were walking around with Faith Daniel's

uterus.

How do you see this? I can't make out a thing.

Doreen, here.

This is what I'm talking about. Right here.

You see this curve? Right above the fetus.

Are you all right?

Oh, good Lord.

Is everything all right?

Jim, get over here.

No. Come on, Jim, please. I want you to see this.

Look at that.

Look at that. That's my kid. Do you believe it?

Is that it there?

Yeah.

Isn't it incredible?

Look at that.

She's got my nose.

Actually, that's a kneecap.

Okay.

How does she look? Is she okay?

Well, there are the arms and the legs.

And right there, you can see the thin division between the two hemispheres of

the brain.

Jim, she's got a brain.

What would that little fluttering object be?

The heart.

The heart.

Yes, and along with everything else, it's looking, uh...

Just the way we wanted to. Now, if you wouldn't mind waiting outside, Mr. Dial,

we're about to move on to the CVS. Outside?

Absolutely not.

As much as it surprises me, I find this moment profoundly moving. This is life,

pure and perfect and full of possibilities.

I wouldn't miss this for anything.

Now, look, Jim, I know you're excited, but we're about to get pretty up close

and personal here. Now, think about it. You have a hard time even looking into

my purse.

To be able to share this with you. Well, while you two are deciding, Miss Brown,

why don't you put your feet into the stirrups and I will begin to manipulate

your uterus.

Yes, you do that, sir. And while you are, I'm going to run across the street

get us each a nice bowl of soup. Wouldn't that taste lovely?

I'll be right back and look. There's a line. Would anyone out here like some

soup?

Go.

Go.

Well, that seems to work.

Yes, they did, but I told them you'd already picked a long -distance phone

company.

No, Eldon, not them. Dr.

Chapin's office. I had that test two days ago, and they said they'd send the

results by the end of today.

Call it woman's intuition, but I know there's something wrong. Otherwise, they

would have called.

May I remind you that if your intuition was as accurate as you think it is,

Clarence Thomas would now be working in a Burger King.

Oh, God, what was I thinking? I'm too old for this. I was just asking for

trouble. All right, look, let's just calm down.

I think you're blowing this whole age thing way out of proportion.

Plenty of women have kids at your age. Do you know any?

Well, I think there was one in the Bible.

Oh, God, Eldon, I know that's them.

I can't do it, Eldon. I can't pick it up. All right, look.

Look, do you really want to go through another night of not knowing?

You're right. You pick it up.

All right.

I will pick it up because I know that everything is going to be fine.

What are you doing? I'm getting ready to pick it up.

Pick it up!

Hello.

Yes, she's here.

Um, but she's, uh, indisposed at the moment and would like for me to, uh, get

the information.

No, I'm not the father.

Not, you know... in the physical sense, but I do plan to be the child's

spiritual guide and teach it to bowl.

So what's the deal?

Uh -huh.

Uh -huh.

You're sure?

Okay.

Okay, I'll tell her.

Thank you.

You can stop worrying.

Everything's fine.

You know...

I kept telling everybody I wasn't worried that there was just a 5 % chance

something could go wrong.

But when you've seen that tiny heart beating, Eldon, a 5 % chance is the

scariest thing you've ever had to face.

But she's all right.

She's really all right.

Yeah.

Except she's a he.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about the fruit of your loins. The apple of your eye. The heir

the throne.

It's a boy.

She is not.

You better stop sending that message or I see a huge therapy bill in this kid's

future.

I don't believe this.

I was sure it was a girl.

It was the one thing I had no doubt about.

I was going to have a daughter.

I was going to teach her that...

Being a woman didn't mean you were second class.

She could do anything she wanted and be judged solely on her ability.

And then I was going to take her shopping for Donna Karen separates.

This is not what I planned.

Not what I planned at all.

It's quarter to 11.

Murphy should have been here by now. I hope everything's all right with those

test results.

Of course everything's all right. I saw the child myself on the little TV.

It looked right at me as if to say, everything's fine here in the womb, Jim.

Back to you.

Morning, guys. Sorry I'm late. Is everything all right? Look, we're not

or anything, so if you don't want to tell us, we understand.

Don't say that, Frank.

We're going crazy here. Guys, come back off.

It's okay, Frank. I want you all to know, everything's fine.

As a matter of fact...

Feast your eyes on the first ultrasound of a completely healthy, perfectly

normal baby boy.

What? Oh, my God!

Oh, Murphy, you must be in such a state of shock.

I know how much you had your heart set on a little girl, someone you thought

you'd raise to be just like you, and...

Guys, I've got to be honest with you.

I didn't sleep a wink last night.

On the one hand, I was so relieved that my kid was healthy, but on the other

hand, as Corky so scientifically pointed out, my baby has a woo -woo.

What the hell am I supposed to do with a boy? I don't know anything about them,

except that they like to make root beer come out their noses and they never ask

tall girls to dance.

Corky, maybe it would help if you began to think of this child as a person.

It might not be a bad idea to start considering names. And since I was with

when you first saw the little tyke, I'd be deeply honored if you named him after

me.

Jim, I respect you and I care about you.

But there's no way in the world I'm going to name my kid James Brown.

Let's give Murphy a little room here.

Maybe I'm making too much out of this.

I mean, boy, girl.

Maybe it doesn't really matter.

So, if you'll excuse me, I'm just going to go cancel my son's subscription to

the Nancy Drew Library.

So, Murph, I've got this extra ticket to the bullets game, and I was wondering

if maybe you and your...

Your son would like to come along. Look, Frank, you've got to promise me

something. You've got to promise me you'll be there when my son brings home

girl I hate. You've got to promise to stop me from saying the wrong thing,

causing him to leave home and join a band called Dead Leonard. What? What are

you talking about? Where do you get this stuff, Murph?

Now, come on.

You know you are going to be great at this.

So it's a challenge.

Have you ever backed down from a challenge before?

Then you know I'm right.

Right?

I guess, deep down, I always wanted a kid I could show how to throw a knuckle

curve.

Someone I could teach the finer points of seven -card high -low and teach to

balance the carburetors on a classic MG.

Well, I guess I'm just going to have to do it with a boy.

Perfecting your Jackie impersonation takes dedication and patience.

I helped pick the numbers.

Again. But the results can speak for themselves.

I helped pick the numbers.

Stay tuned. Ruthann is next.