Original subtitles

Stand by, two.

Mix through, cue on two.

The BBC's announced the appointment

of ex Head of Olympic Delivery, Ian Fletcher,

as its new Head of Values.

Time now for the shipping forecast.

Superimpose.

Sure, OK, no, I get that. No, I still get it, no, shut up.

Monday morning at the BBC's London headquarters,

New Broadcasting House, and already things are happening.

What we do here, OK, no, shut up, we go straight to Tamsin at IBS.

OK, Tasmin, yeah, whatever.

She's the only one who knows what's happening.

The others are are gap-year hair, whatever.

So potentially serious are things that head of BBC Brand,

Siobhan Sharpe, from communications giant Fun Media,

is on her way in physically and at speed.

Yeah, OK, so what she does is she gets Claudia to tweet a denial.

Like, now, OK, like, strictly as my life, whatever.

And we retweet the shit out of it, totally take out social media from the air.

OK, no, shut up, I got her.

I got Tamsin coming at me. Yeah, Tasmin, yeah, whatever.

OK, yeah, I gotta go. I gotta go. OK. Bye.

Yeah. Hey, Tasmin, how are you? Good, yeah, I'm good, thanks.

So, according to the BBC News App...

- And don't blame me, OK? - I'm not, I'm just saying,

apparently they're offering her a deal worth

... million pounds over two years.

- No, I'm sorry. - ... million pounds?

- The fact is, that cannot happen. - That's what it says here.

No, I'm sorry.

- Right, we're stuffed, then. - Well, hang...

Meanwhile, upstairs, what was supposed to be a renewal meeting

mainly about something called "distinctivity"

has spontaneously turned into an emergency damage limitation meeting

mostly about disaster.

Apparently, it's a circus-based show they're talking about.

- Circus-based? - Apparently they're rebooting

the Cirque de Celebrity format.

- No, sure. - Right.

- Honestly. - No, I'm sorry.

I mean, what is it with shows in fucking tents?

Well, yes.

Rumours have surfaced on Twitter

that one of the BBC's biggest faces

and co-host of Strictly Come Dancing, Claudia Winkleman,

could be on the point of leaving the BBC

after being approached by rival broadcaster ...

to host a rival show of their own.

- So, I'm on the Mail online here, OK? - Right.

- Blimey. - I know.

Anyway, apparently, a source close to Tess Daly is saying

that if Claudia leaves Strictly, then Tess will go too, out of loyalty.

- Right. - OK, no.

- OK. - I'm sorry.

Loyalty to what, Lucy?

- That can't happen. - I don't know, it doesn't say.

- Brilliant. - I'm not being negative or anything,

but we are in a very dark place here, guys.

- Brilliant. - No, I'm sorry, no.

With charter renewal pending, this is the worst possible time

to be facing the prospect of a BBC devoid of competitive celebrity dancing

of any kind.

OK, the key thing is that everybody remains calm--

- OK, so, hey, guys. - Right, Siobhan.

- Let's do this, OK? - Yes.

Let's nail this beaver to the tree.

Chronologically, Siobhan may have arrived late to the meeting,

but in other ways she's already ahead of both herself and everybody else.

- OK, so, I spoke with Claudia's agent. - Right.

- Brilliant. - So here's the thing with this.

Here's what it is, OK, Claudia loves Strictly, she loves the BBC, whatever.

- Hurrah. - Yes, exactly.

But the thing with Claudia is that she wants like a change of direction

at this point in her blah-de-blah, whatever.

- Right. - A change of--

- No, it's still me. - Right, yes.

So, Claudia's like, "I want to do like serious shit."

You know, like people dying, whatever.

And ... I'm, like, you know, "That's cool, that's, like,

you can totally do that as well, like, you can do whatever you want,

plus we'll pay you a ... load of money at the same time."

- So, when-- - So she's like, "I need head space here.

Like, I need to be in Cornwall, whatever."

- Right. - Brilliant.

So the headline is, "Claudia's in Cornwall at the moment thinking it over."

- Excuse me? - Right, OK.

OK, the headline, OK, is "Claudia Winkleman leaves Strictly," OK?

You pretty much crashed the BBC.

- No, I'm sorry. - That's one way of looking at it.

- It totally is. - OK, but--

- You're going to say something brilliant. - Yes.

- No. - You are. I feel it in my bones.

No, but before we get locked into the idea of this being some kind of problem,

is it worth stepping back and looking at the positives

- for a moment? - Really?

- The positives? - Yes.

- I knew it. - Blimey.

I mean, for one thing, it looks as though this might not actually be about money.

- That's handy, we haven't got any money. - Exactly. That's a good fit straightaway.

As Head of Values and chair of the renewal group,

the ability to think the sort of thoughts under pressure

that no one else would even think of thinking

is one of Ian Fletcher's distinguishing characteristics.

And we know she's at a point where she's looking for a change of direction,

maybe perhaps to be taken a bit more seriously.

- Sure. - But if you think about what we

were supposed to be talking about this morning...

- Right. - Yes.

- No, sure. - Brilliant.

- Yeah, just remind me. - The distinctivity audit.

Oh, yeah, great.

As part of the charter renewal process, the BBC has been invited

to spend time conducting a special "distinctivity audit"

of all the ways its output is different from anything else you've ever seen.

It's a question of identifying anything we might have in development

that's uniquely BBC,

which is why I asked Matt to join us here for this as Head of Output.

- Yeah, no, sure, hey, guys. - Yeah.

But what if what Claudia wants

and what we're looking for turn out to be exactly the same thing?

- Blimey. - Sure.

OK, no, I get that. That could work.

'Cause if we are looking at a solution and not a problem here,

we could be looking at a solution of truly epic proportions.

Ian, please don't take this the wrong way, but this is where we all wanna hug you.

- Sure. - Well, uh...

- No. - You the man.

- Yes, exactly. - No, really.

- Just to say you're safe with me, OK? - Yes, good.

Meanwhile, elsewhere in the building, development executive Izzy Gould

is busy thinking about ideas.

- Hi. - Oh, hi. How are you?

- So, have you seen this? - No, what?

No, I thought not.

But although she may not know it yet, she's about to realize that

she may well be involved in enough developments already for the moment.

- Jesus, no. - Yeah.

- When did this-- - I don't know, just right now.

- No. - It's already trending.

- Oh, shit. - It's not good news.

After Hugh Grant was asked for a selfie

on a recent visit to New Broadcasting House,

his people have decided to become incensed that he was misled

into endorsing an online campaign for a BBC product

when he thought he was just giving a selfie

to a slightly unusual but apparently harmless intern.

OK, first of all, it's nothing to do with me, OK?

- What? - Like it wasn't my idea.

- No, I know it wasn't. - But also...

- It was mine. It was my idea. - No.

No, I knew you'd say that. That's why I came up here.

In the circumstances, they're demanding not only

that his image be immediately removed from the campaign,

but that the BBC make a charitable donation

of £1,475,000 to the Worldwide Wildlife Fund,

a pound for every YouTube hit so far.

- OK, OK. - This is really serious, OK?

- I know. - Like it's really serious.

- I know it is. - OK, but it isn't your fault.

- What do you mean it wasn't my fault? - Look...

- Of course it's my fault. - OK, you're panicking.

- I'm not panicking. - Look...

Of course I'm panicking.

Whose idea was it to ask Hugh Grant for a selfie?

- OK, no. - Was it your idea?

- No, I'm not doing that. - You absolutely have to.

I'm not, I can't. I can't do that.

Basically, what we're talking about the sort of programs

you wouldn't see other broadcasters making.

- Yeah. - Exactly.

- Brilliant. - The sort of thing no one's gonna watch.

- The sort of thing only the BBC can do. - That's what I just said, isn't it?

Yes, no, very good.

Back in renewal, it's becoming clear

that coming up with a list of distinctively BBC projects

currently in development might not be as easy as it sounds.

- Sorry, what's this? - Right, OK.

- Simon, do you wanna-- - Oh, yes, no.

Sorry, Lucy, sorry, Ian, brilliant. It's just a card for Ben and Jerry.

Right.

- A leaving card? - Yes.

- Right. - Christ.

- I know. - Who knew they weren't here?

- Brilliant. - Who?

Obviously, I have no idea how these things work, but...

In the meantime, it seems that after interviewing both Ben and Jerry

for a new single post, it's been decided that in the spirit of "More of Less,"

the new post itself is to be reimagined as not existing going forward.

...as not existing going forward.

- Reimagined as not existing? - Exactly.

- It's terribly bad luck. - If it's any help, Lucy,

I didn't know what to put so I put, "Best of luck, guys."

- I don't know if that helps. - I'm not sure.

- No, probably not. - Right, OK, well.

- Yeah, so, anyway... - Yes, exactly, yes.

"More of Less" issues aside, Ian's challenge now

is to marshal his remaining troops towards an outcome

that could just solve the BBC's distinctivity issues

and its Claudia Winkleman problem in one giant solution

to end all solutions.

So, yes, have we actually got anything in development?

- Sure. - Yes, exactly, have we got anything?

No, sure, that's great, so something to think about here,

at this point, I mean... I may be wrong about this... is genre.

- Right. - Brilliant.

- Genre? - I'm just putting it out there.

Yes.

I guess what I'm asking, is it worth thinking what area are we in here:

- drama, factual, scripted? - Yes.

- Also, just in terms of reach, is it-- - OK, I'm so bored of this.

- Right. - Bored?

- Like #FaceDownInMySoup. - Well--

Here's the thing with this, OK? This is not a safety drill, OK?

- The engines are totally on fire here. - Brilliant.

- No, I'm sorry. - Yes.

- The cabin just filled with smoke. - No, not that.

OK, so what you need to do is get into a BBC taxi to Cornwall, like now,

and you need to love-bomb Claudia to death.

- Well, that's-- - A BBC taxi to Cornwall?

Sure. Or else you guys are flying a stone turkey one-way to Oblivionsville.

- Right. - Yes, no, brilliant. Very clear.

It's March

and light returns to the High Arctic,

sweeping away four months of darkness.

A polar bear stirs.

She has been in her den the whole winter.

Her emergence marks the beginning of spring.

After months of confinement underground,

she toboggans down the slope,

perhaps to clean her fur,

perhaps for sheer joy.

Whoa.

Will.

Her cubs gaze out at their bright new world...

Will. - ...for the very first time.

- Oh, hey, Izzy. Yeah, hey, how are you? - I'm good, thanks. No, I'm good.

Cool. Yeah, so I'm watching this for Ian Fletcher.

- Yes. - Yeah, pretty cool.

- Yes. - David Attenborough's such a cool guy.

Yes, he is, yes. I don't wanna bother you--

No worries, yeah, cool.

But I just... with the whole Super Selfie thing...

- I know you're mental. - Well, no.

A million hits, I didn't even know who he was.

No, but when you spoke to him, when you actually asked him to say "me"...

Yeah.

...did you tell him what it was for?

I don't know.

- So-- - I definitely told him it was for you.

- For me. - Yeah.

- OK, that's great, Will, thanks. - OK, cool.

Yeah, so, people think polar bears can't smell underwater.

It's like, no, they totally can.

- Yes. - Yeah, like there's this bit--

- Actually, Will, I better get off. - OK.

- But thanks, it's been very helpful. - No worries.

Yeah, no worries, yeah. No worries, yeah, cool.

OK, well, what about--

and stay with me on this, OK, guys--

what about Claudia Winkleman's History of the Elephant?

Right. - History of the Elephant?

I know what you're thinking, a bit left field.

That is what I was thinking.

Meanwhile, it's tomorrow morning and Head of Output Matt Tavener

has gathered together some of his finest brains

for an important meeting.

But also it's like a dead-serious subject for Claudia,

- Sure. - 'cause they have their own funerals

- and everything. - Yeah, I know, sure.

That's great. I get where you're coming from with the "history of" thing.

Uh, but I guess what I'm asking... I guess, part of my job is to...

Their mission is to come up with program ideas that might address

Claudia Winkleman's need to be taken more seriously,

whilst also addressing the BBC's distinctivity and charter renewal issues

in one fell swoop.

Or, is there something out there that might give us distinctive

and serious and, I don't know, quirky and hinterland in one hit?

- Yes. - Where the idea of BBCness is a cold open

and a leave-behind at the same time.

- Right. - Yes.

Yes. Do you know what, that's really interesting, Matt.

What about, is there something, okay: Claudia Winkleman's History of Water.

- OK. - Water?

It's like it's more BBC somehow.

- Sure. - Do you think it's a bit dry for Claudia?

- Dry? - Sure.

- She's so gorgeous. - The history of water?

- I see what you're saying, Jack. - OK, so--

Claudia Winkleman's History of Fruit.

- Yeah. - No. Okay.

Maybe we should go past the "history of" thing.

- Yeah. - Yes.

OK, well, if it's BBCness we're talking about,

then what about On Your Bike, then?

- Ooh, now. - OK.

- On Your Bike? - Yes.

- You're joking. - In its original format.

Sure.

As a serious, like a proper chat show for Claudia but just on wheels.

- No, sure. - 'Cause the thing about that was,

like I kept trying to say, was...

- it is so BBC. - Uh-huh.

- Genius. - I don't believe this.

- Really, interesting. - Oh, my God, Izzy.

Sure, Izzy, that's great.

It's the end of the day,

and a number of people are already gathering in the shared experience space

for a special ceremony to celebrate the end

of Ben and Jerry's time at the BBC.

I'm not being funny or anything, but I can't be doing with goodbyes.

- No. - No.

Maybe it's my childhood, but they always end up

- getting to me in the end. - Yes, no, very good, Tracey.

They've been with the BBC from their arrival

as junior research executives all the way through

to their departure as people whose jobs no longer exist.

So it's appropriate that a block of an entire hour has been booked out

on the Syncopatispace booking system in order to speed them on their way.

- Is someone going to say something? - Yes, no, sorry, Ian, about what?

- Well, about Ben and Jerry. - Yes, of course, no, that's brilliant.

- Well, no-- - You know how you want to deal with this.

- Yes, exactly. - But the good news is,

we've got them these as a surprise.

Right, what are they?

It's interesting, isn't it?

We don't even know what we've got them?

I've no idea how these things work, but that's part of the surprise?

- Yes, probably. - Genius.

Ben and Jerry's unexpected departure may herald

the dawn of a new "More of Less" era for the BBC,

even though no one really knows what that means.

But if there's a new feeling of uncertainty in the air,

it seems Lucy has decided that she might as well apply for the new post

of Head of Empowerment, even though no one really knows

what that means, either.

- I don't get it, obviously. - It's really good.

Is it? I don't know. I probably shouldn't be asking you, but is Anna on the panel?

- Anna? - It's fine if you don't want to...

No, it's fine. I don't think she is, no.

- Right. - Nobody tells me anything, obviously,

- but as far as I'm aware, she's not, no. - Right.

- You're not on it? - Me?

- 'Cause I mean-- - No. Thank God.

If I was, I'd have to declare an interest, wouldn't I?

- Right. - I mean, I just--

- Yes, no, yes. - Yes.

OK. OK, thank you.

Uh, thank you.

Brilliant. Yes, no, very good.

Uh, who was it who said that life is a series of letting go?

Anyway.

Do you know what, Simon? I want to say Elton John.

- Brilliant. - Elton John?

Anyway, what do I know, but a moment to say

a few words about why we're all here, and not just any old words, either.

Ladies and gentlemen, current Head of Values

and all-round Captain Renewal himself, Ian Fletcher.

Whoo!

Right, yes, I mean, thanks, Simon.

Hurrah.

So, yes.

As Simon very much says, here we are.

Hurrah.

So, what to say about Ben and Jerry that hasn't been said before?

I might as well be honest and confess that when I first arrived,

a bit like with Ant and Dec,

I wasn't completely confident about which one was which.

Brilliant.

But it didn't take me long to realize

that, just like with Ant and Dec, it doesn't actually matter.

- Hurrah. - In the end, that's not the point.

The point is they both share the ability to make whatever it is they do

look genuinely easy, whilst at the same time

making everyone around them look better than they would have done otherwise.

- Yes. - And that's a very rare quality to have.

- Yes, it is. - And with that in mind,

we've got you these, just as a token really of everything we feel

and have felt about you in the past and will continue to feel in the future,

as you seek out different challenges in new places

with very different outcomes.

- Brilliant. - Yes, no, very good.

So I'd ask us all to join me in raising a toast to Ben and Jerry.

- Ben and Jerry. - And to moving onwards.

Moving onwards.

- Brilliant. - So that's all good.

It's another day at New Broadcasting House,

but not just any other day.

- Claudia! - Oh, hi.

Today is Winkleman day.

Claudia, Claudia, what can I say? Welcome to the Pleasure Dome.

After wide-ranging discussions between her agent and the BBC,

Claudia Winkleman has agreed to come in and talk about On Your Bike

as a potential vehicle for her, and Simon Harwood himself

is on hand in reception in order to take her as seriously as possible.

I'm so sorry, I'm really embarrassed about this,

but I don't actually know your name.

- Ah, no, God. - Sorry.

No, of course, why would you? I wouldn't bother with it myself

if it wasn't for doctors and so on. Simon.

- Simon. - Simon Harwood.

Director of, I don't know, Strategic Governance or something like that.

- OK, this is Tasmin, my agent. - Hi.

Yes, of course, welcome, Tasmin.

I know we haven't met, but I wanna thank you for making our lives

that much brighter with, you know...

Yes, thanks, so shall we go up?

Yes, of course, yes, no, very good. So, I better get you guys signed in.

- So, we're signed in. - Right, brilliant.

- Yes. - I've done that.

- We were waiting to be collected. - Ah, fabulous!

I'll tell you what, she's not your agent for nothing, Claudia, is she?

No.

Shall we go through? Straight through the doors.

- Buckle up, guys, Claudia inbound. - Right, where is everybody?

- Who? - She's coming at us.

- Where's Matt? - Matt?

- Yes. - Yes, no, I don't know.

Meanwhile upstairs, preparations for the crucial meeting

are taking some kind of shape.

It's to be chaired by Head of Output Matt Tavener, who isn't here,

- Oh, my God. - Right, OK.

- What? - Have you not heard?

- Heard what? - He's gone.

- Who has? - No, shut up, David.

Gone where?

- Oh, my God. - I don't know.

With the winds of change blowing through the BBC,

it looks as if one of the really big trees might have been blown over completely.

So, guys, Matt Tavener is not going to be coming to the meeting, I'm afraid.

- Right. - He's gone.

- Yes. - Bummer.

- What do you mean? - I don't know.

- He's gone to Netflix. - He's gone to Netflix, yes.

- No way! - He's gone to Netflix? For a meeting?

- No, he's gone. - Right, OK.

- Matt Tavener's gone to Netflix. - Cool.

We're announcing it later this morning.

- It's, like, oh, my God. - We love Netflix.

- We've been given a statement to put out. - Do you know about this, Anna?

- No, this? When? No? - Yes. What?

- OK, where's Simon? - I don't know.

No, right.

You're mad. You're actually mad.

- It wasn't his fault. - What?

- It was mine. - What is it with him?

Elsewhere in the building, Jack Patterson and Izzy Gould

have taken some time out to have an argument.

It was my fault for not bringing him up to speed with all the...

- all the issues beforehand. - There's no speed

slow enough for that guy to be brought up to.

With the BBC facing a demand that it makes a £1.5 million charitable

donation to the Worldwide Wildlife Fund

following its misuse of the film star Hugh Grant's image,

Izzy has been asked to write a formal report on the incident

for urgent submission to BBC Director General Tony Hall's office.

OK, I'm gonna tell them if you won't.

- No. - I'm not gonna let you do this.

- This has nothing to do with you. - It has nothing to do with you, either.

It's too important, it's all wrong.

But meanwhile at the same time, unbeknown to Izzy, Jack, or anyone else,

Will Humphries is out on the streets of London

on a secret mission of his own.

Using virtually all of his initiative,

he's come to a small recording studio in Soho,

in pursuit of the kind of solution to the Hugh Grant crisis

that only he could have thought of.

Yeah, hi.

Yeah, hi, yes, Will Humphries.

Right.

I'm like personal assistant to Ian Fletcher.

- Ian Fletcher? - Yes, he's Head of Values at the BBC.

OK.

- Yeah, hi, yeah. - Hey, yeah, how can I help?

Yeah. Can I speak to David Attenborough?

- David Attenborough? - Yeah.

- Right. - Like he's doing like,

I don't know, recording stuff like Fragile Planet Earth.

- OK. - Yeah, 'cause I found out.

OK. You want to take a seat?

OK, yeah, no worries, yeah, cool.

Here we go, here they are.

- The A-team. - Right.

- So, guys. Look who I found in reception. - Yes, exactly, hi.

Meanwhile, back at New Broadcasting House, Simon has finally met

and greeted Claudia Winkleman, all the way up to the sixth floor.

Have fun, and remember, everything's possible

- in the best of all possible worlds. - Yes, exactly.

- Genius. - OK, right. Good-o.

- This is gonna be so fun, - Yeah, Simon...

Yes?

With the introductions overdone,

it's time for the serious business to begin,

but Ian is becoming aware that the Claudia Winkleman issue

may not be the only BBC story unfolding this morning.

- What's happening? - Yes, in terms of...?

- Matt Tavener not here. - Gor, yes, no.

- Apparently he's gone to Netflix. - It's one of those mornings, isn't it?

How come everybody else knows about this apart from me?

Yes, no, very good. Pop by when you've got a minute

and maybe we can have a bit of a general catch-up.

- Yes. - Rightio.

Yes, good.

'Cause in the end... This is just a thought I had, OK?

But basically imagine Carpool Karaoke,

but serious, with no singing, and on a bike.

- Right. - Yes.

- We love serious. - Yes, exactly.

Genius.

At last, after all the build-up,

Operation Winkleman is finally underway.

In many ways, it's a shame Izzy Gould couldn't be with us this morning.

- Yes. - She's the one who developed this.

Yes, how lovely is that?

In the unavoidable absence of Head of Output Matt Tavener

to make the pitch for On Your Bike as the perfect BBC vehicle for Claudia,

and no shortage of others willing to step into his cleats

and run with the idea, it's important that someone takes control

to steer the meeting onto solid ground.

I've always looked on this as almost a classical BBC idea.

- Yes. - Sure.

Going right back to informing, educating.

No, sure, that's cool.

That's when we had our Ulrika moment.

- Yes. - Sorry?

Claudia would totally kill in like a chat-show kind of vibe.

- OK. - She's basically Michael Palin in heels.

- Michael Palin. - Yes.

- Stop it! - Do you mean Michael Parkinson?

- Yes. - No, sure, whatever. It's a no-brainer.

Just to save time, Claudia has actually read the treatment.

- Have you, Claudia? - Yes, I have.

- Genius. - Can we tell you what she likes about it

- and we can start from there? - Yes, I think that's a really...

- Yes, exactly. - No, sure, I'm good with that.

Meanwhile, across town, Will's secret operation is still active.

- Hi. - Oh, hey, yeah.

Hi. I'm Tony Dixon, producer of Fragile Planet Earth.

I know Fragile Planet Earth. The bonobos are just like mental.

- Yes. - Yeah, cool.

- Yes, you're wanting to speak to David? - Yeah, cool, yeah, so David, yeah, cool.

Yeah, can I ask is this something he actually knows about?

- Sir David? No. - Right.

No, that's why I need to see him. It's really important.

- Yeah. I don't wanna disappoint you. - No, me neither.

- But we're really busy today. - Yeah, me too.

Really up against it, so I don't think I can ask him

to come out of a session for something unscheduled like this.

- I'm really sorry. - That's OK.

You could try his agent's email, maybe go down that route.

No, that's OK, I'll wait.

Yeah, I should say I've no idea what time the session will actually finish.

- OK, cool. - But one thing I know for certain

is that he's not coming out for a very long time.

- OK. - And I can't give you any assurance that

he'll speak to you when he does.

OK, cool, thanks.

Right.

OK.

So, Claudia gets the show

and we all get the fit with Claudia so I put those two in the positive column.

- Yes, exactly. - Cool.

- Yep. - Tick.

- I've done celebrity, I've done fluffing. - Right, yes.

Oh, no, tell me about it.

Back at New Broadcasting House, it appears things might be going

better than anyone expected on a difficult morning for the BBC.

So you probably know

Claudia's being asked to look at a lot of stuff at the moment.

- Of course, yes. - Exactly.

Sure.

But appearances can be deceptive.

One of the things about this for Claudia

is there's nothing else like it out there at the moment.

- Well, yes. - No way.

- Exactly. - It's being sold to us

- as a stand-alone proposition. - Sure.

- Yes, exactly, yes. - So I think this is an opportunity

for you to be up front with us about that.

Right.

I'm sorry, I think you're gonna have to help us with that, Tasmin.

Claudia has heard that the BBC is developing

a very similar idea to On Your Bike for its daytime schedules

with Amanda Holden as presenter.

- Amanda Holden? - Yes.

- OK, no, I'm sorry. - Lovely Amanda.

- The fact is, no, I'm sorry. - Feel free to correct me, anyone,

but I'm pretty sure I can say with some confidence that that's not true.

- Yes, exactly. - OK.

Yay.

Just out of interest, Claudia, where did you hear that?

Uh, from Amanda.

- Right. - The Amanda.

- Yes. - OK.

It's starting to look as if either

Claudia's apparent intelligence is fake,

or someone within the BBC has been quietly developing an almost identical show

to On Your Bike without telling anyone.

Amanda Holden's Cycling Shorts or something.

- Amanda Holden's Cycling Shorts? - OK, no, I'm sorry.

- Right, yes. - No way.

- I love Amanda, we get on well, but... - Do you know what, can I just say,

- that's really interesting, Tasmin. - Right, OK.

Bummer.

Hey.

- Hi, yeah. - How can I help?

Yeah, 'cause, I was wondering if you know

how much longer Sir David Attenborough will be?

- Right. - It's cool, I don't mind waiting.

- You might have missed him, I'm afraid. - Missed him?

- Yeah, 'cause the session's actually over. - No, but I've been here all the time.

- I know. - I haven't been to the toilet.

- Yeah, there's like a back entrance. - Right.

I'm guessing they went out that way.

- OK. - I'm sorry.

OK, cool.

Back at New Broadcasting House, it's the end of a day

which has left Head of Values Ian Fletcher with some things he'd like

to talk to Head of Strategic Governance Simon Harwood about,

- such as what the hell is going on. - Ah, yes, brilliant.

- Is this a good time? - Yes, no, brilliant, come in.

Luckily, Simon himself is still in his office,

busy putting a positive gloss on things.

I don't what it is, but five minutes with your saddle at the end of the day...

- Yes. - ...just clears the pipes somehow.

- Yes. - Jolly good. Shall we sit soft?

- No, thanks. - Oh, okay.

I'm happy standing hard.

Jolly good. Wanna take that?

- No. - No? OK, fine.

Well, no, listen, I mean, I've no idea

how this "More of Less" stuff works and how you feel about it...

It seems that the BBC is shortly to announce

a major senior management simplification,

which follows the pattern of encouraging more staff to apply for fewer jobs

by abolishing the ones they've already got.

In this case, the existing post of Head of Output, Director of Better,

and Head of Values are to be abolished and replaced by a single new post

of Director of Purpose going forward.

- ...Director of Purpose going forward. - Director of Purpose?

- Essentially, it's a pretty simple idea. - Is it?

- I guess it would be with simplification. - Right, OK.

Do you know, I'm gonna put these down. I feel a bit of a fool like this.

How long have you known about this, Simon?

No, I know, brilliant.

Frankly, it's a full-time job keeping up with things these days, isn't it?

- Does Anna know? - Ah, yes, now, with Anna--

- Obviously Matt knew. - Listen, I have no idea how Anna works.

No. And what happens if I don't apply for it?

- Ah, no, I can't hear that, Ian. - What?

I can't hear it, say you will.