Original subtitles

For me, what this says, it’s understated.

You know what I’m saying?

Obviously the danger is,

if he’s actively excluded from appearing on Match of the Day, that could read

- as an example of prejudice. - Right.

And Ryan, I know you were less than impressed

with some of Southampton’s defending.

Yeah, I was Gary. Yeah, I was.

Right.

I think we’re at a point now where we can say with some confidence

that he is naturally crap.

I’ve had some times in this I have.

Too dull for Match of the Day?

I mean, what is that? It’s not even a shape,

it’s just like a pointy line.

It’s just something he's got in him, I think.

- Right, yes. - Right.

We are starting to take heavy incoming on this in the press office already.

Well, I’m sorry, but for me you’re not gonna win games

at this level with pointy lines, Gary.

♪

Standby 2.

Mix through, cue on 2.

The BBC’s announced the appointment

of the ex-head of Olympic Delivery Ian Fletcher as its new Head of Values.

Time now for the shipping forecast.

Superimpose.

It’s 8:30 in the morning

on another in a series of relentlessly big days

for the BBC at its New Broadcasting House central command centre

in central London.

Ah, yes! Hi, guys.

- Yep. - Yep.

- Morning. - Yeah, heya...

No, no, no. Don’t stand there, just come on in.

Have a seat. No listen, have two.

Make yourself at home.

This morning, Head of Strategic Governance,

Simon Harwood, has arrived to find people already waiting to see him.

It’s very much the way things are gonna be from now on,

and I don’t know about you, but these days I’m just grateful

to have a bike to ride and some legs to ride it with.

As part of the BBCs major new More Of Less initiative,

junior executives Ben and Jerry have discovered

that they’re going to be given the opportunity to apply for their own jobs.

The total of which has been revised downwards

going forward from the current figure of two to a new total of one.

I mean, you’re gonna know how you’ll wanna feel about this

and I’ve no idea how these things work,

but I don’t know, for what it’s worth, um...

maybe if you were to think of yourselves as either Ben or Jerry

instead of Ben and Jerry going forward.

- Yep. - Uh-huh.

I mean, I dunno, does that help?

Okay, but it’s, like, what you guys have got to realize is...

No, I’m sorry, Siobhan.

Okay, it’s, like, no one has, like, agenda anymore.

- What? - I mean that’s just, like,

- what even is that? Just get over it. - Brilliant.

By 9 o’clock the day's damage limitation meeting is well under way.

Wait a moment. Where’s it gone? I had it a moment ago...

Uh... Right, okay, um, "Just iPlayered Ryan Chelford on MOTD.

OMG fabulous, Claudia Winkleman with stubble.

Keep it fluid. #FootballSexy, #LGBTFuture."

- Right. - Cool.

So that’s a new one then is it, Lucy?

I haven't seen that one.

- David Walliams. - Oh, right.

- David Walliams. - David Walliams, yeah.

Yes, that makes sense.

It’s always a packed program,

but top of the agenda by some way this morning

is the issue of ex-Premier League footballer

and would be Match of the Day pundit, Ryan Chelford.

Okay right, here we go.

"WTF BBC, I thought Robbie Savage was crap,

- but this guy’s in a league of his own." - Right.

"Doesn’t matter what he wears, he’s still gonna be crap."

- Okay. - "MOTD’s shit anyway."

- Yes, so... - Brilliant.

And then droopy face.

Yes, well.

Yes, and just out of interest, who is that, Tracy?

That’s actually Gary Lineker.

- Oh, okay. - Yes.

- Right. - Gary Lineker, yep.

Interesting.

- Gary Lineker. - Gary Lineker, yep.

Since his trial appearance as a pundit on a midweek Match of the Day

FA Cup third round highlights package,

reaction on social media has been almost universally divided.

No, I mean, listen, you guys’ll know how you wanna handle this

and who knows quite which way Tony swings, football wise...

- No. - But for what it’s worth,

I did snatch a quick macchiato moment with him this morning.

- Oh, right? - Yeah, he’s just back from

a mindfulness weekend in Somerset,

which was apparently really rather wonderful.

- Right. - Oh...

No, but for what it’s worth, his thought on this,

what with charter renewal and so forth,

is that it might be rather smart to get this whole thing sorted

- before the Fiona Craig visit next week. - Well, yes.

- Yes, because... - Yes, exactly.

Next week the very senior civil servant with responsibility

for charter renewal negotiations from the Department of Culture, Media,

and for some reason, also Sport,

is due to make an initial visit to New Broadcasting House

in order to see a normal morning at the BBC.

Just to say, before we go any further,

just to confirm everyone’s okay with the change of date for that?

- Yep. - Yep.

Yes, thank you, Ian.

- Um... - No, sure I’m good with that.

- Yes, exactly, Ian. - And it looks like she’ll be with us

from about 10:00 onwards.

- 10:00. - 10:00, yeah.

- 10:00. - Yeah.

Yes, no, brilliant. Bring it on.

- Change of date. - Yes.

- Yes, it’s Tuesday now, Lucy. - Right.

- Tuesday. - Tuesday.

- Tuesday. - Why? Is that a...

No, it’s just that’s the morning Ryan Chelford’s coming in isn't it?

- Right. - Yes, it is, yes.

- Right. Okay. - Coming in where?

- Well, in here. - Here?

- Yes. - Ah, no.

- Great. - Why?

- Perfect. - Well, basically...

- What for? - Well,

we’ve asked him in to talk about the way forward.

- Who has? - Well...

- You have? - Well, no, it...

- The way forward? - Yes.

- That can’t be happen. - Oh, bloody hell.

As the person responsible for liaising between the BBC

and whoever the Minister for Culture, Media and also Sport happens to be,

it’s crucial that everything goes smoothly

on the day of Fiona Craig’s visit, regardless of how unusual that would be.

The thing is we’ve moved Ryan three times already.

Well, great, move him again.

- Yes, exactly. - He’ll be getting the hang of it by now.

- Cool. - The other way to look at this

of course is, what she’s expecting to see, what she’s hoping for anyway,

is basically a normal morning.

- Brilliant. - Normal?

- Yes. - Christ.

Perhaps it would be a good thing for her to be here when Ryan Chelford comes in.

- Good. - After all here we are, talking about

how best to welcome a cross-dressing presenter into the BBC Sport family.

Okay. Let's do this.

As long as we’re clear about what our position is on this obviously.

- Yes. - Right.

- Brilliant. - Yes, exactly.

What is our position on it?

- Me? - Yes.

- Well, I mean, no one’s really... - Oh, right, okay.

- Brilliant. - Great.

All right, okay, here we go.

This is me on my bike.

This is me on my bike.

This is me on my bike.

Meanwhile, elsewhere,

Jack has got something he’s keen to show Izzy, David and Will.

This is me on my bike.

This is me on my bike.

He’s been working on a short taster version

of what would otherwise have been Will’s original idea for On Your Bike,

to show to Director of Better, Anna Rampton as a potential flagship show

for soon to be launched new online platform BBC Me.

This is me on my bike!

Anyway, so...

- It’s genius, Jack. - It’s 90 seconds.

It’s like brilliance on wheels.

Or there’s like a 70 second cut, which might be better.

- Cycle Shorts. - Well, yeah, I dunno.

- Cycle Shorts. - It felt a bit more now,

than On Your Bike somehow.

Right. - Free The Selfie.

- I don't... - bbcme.com.

- Unbelievable. - What?

So what, you just went off and did this?

Well, yeah. I mean, not personally obviously.

- But you... - I don’t actually know anyone

- who owns a bike. - You went off and did it,

you didn’t say anything to me or...

Hang on, Jesus, Will!

- What? - Yeah.

That’s you.

Yeah, no... yeah, no.

Yeah, hey. This is me on my bike.

But this is... I mean, what is going on here?

What’s going on?

What’s going on? Yeah. No.

This is me on my bike.

This is me on my bike.

I mean, is there, perhaps, a home for him somewhere else

in the world of BBC Sport?

Okay, Strictly.

- No. - What?

It's got to be some kind of sport, Siobhan.

- Yes. - Okay, so how is that not a sport?

Given the strong reactions provoked by Ryan Chelford’s

Match of the Day appearance and given the complex and sensitive issues involved,

the problem for the BBC is that they don’t know what to do.

What we’re looking for is something that isn't literally Match of the Day,

but at the same time very much plays to his strengths as you know, as a presenter.

- Brilliant. - Cool.

- Right. - What strengths?

- Well... - He hasn’t got any strengths has he?

Okay, Celebrity Big Brother.

- No. - It’s perfect.

The fact is that’s a Channel 4 show anyway.

Well, it...

- Channel 4, yep. - Yep, Channel 4.

- Channel 4. - Yep.

- Yes, well... - I think that’s Channel 5 now, isn't it?

- Yeah. Yep. - Yes I think so.

- Channel 5, yeah. - Yes, exactly.

- Channel 5. - Channel 5, yeah.

Yes, we seem to have gone a bit off-piste somehow.

- I totally have. - We really...

I mean, you wanna be the best duck hunter, you go where the ducks are.

- Brilliant. - The ducks?

- What? - And you take the hoisin sauce with you.

- Brilliant. - Fuck's sake.

- I mean, this probably wouldn’t work, but... - No.

...but I mean, what about something like A Question Of Sport?

- All right, okay. - A Question Of Sport.

- Well... - No, I’m sorry.

- As I say, it’s probably not... - Exactly.

Well, no, hang on.

- Hallelujah! - So, like, what is that?

- It's... - I don’t even know what that is.

Well, it’s one way of burying him forever for sure.

It’s like a quiz show, Siobhan.

- Okay. - But it’s about sport.

Oh, so what, it’s an actual show?

- Yes, it’s on every week with Sue... - Cool, no, no, sure. I get this, yeah.

I mean, I think that’s really interesting, isn't it?

We love quiz shows.

You mean as a regular team captain or...

- No. - Well, I don’t know, it's...

No, I’m sorry, the fact is there already are two team captains for that show.

- Yeah. - Yes.

Yes, just remind me.

Matt...

- Matt Dawson... - Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell.

- Yeah. - Yeah.

- Right, yes. - Matt Dawson and Phil Tufnell.

Despite Anna’s reservations about Lucy’s idea,

there’s a feeling in the room that she may perhaps have put her finger on something.

- Okay! - Cool.

- Alrighty. - Blimey.

- Go, Ryan. - Bloody genius.

- Well done, Lucy. - Yes.

- Well, no. - Yes, no, really, Lucy. Hurrah!

Yes, no, yes.

- I mean, what were you doing, Will? - Yeah, what was I doing? Yeah, cr...

Meanwhile, back in elsewhere,

it’s become clear that in his role in Betterness Development,

Jack has selected Will as someone ideally qualified

to approach complete strangers with bikes and phones

and persuade them to film themselves saying, “This is me on my bike.”

I mean, it’s like he’s actually using you to steal your own idea from you.

- Yeah. - No, I’m not.

Yeah, crap, yeah.

Will was the only person I could think of who would know, like,

30 other people who ride bikes.

- Genius. - So I asked him and he said yes.

Of course he said yes.

- Yeah, of course I did, yeah. - It’s Will!

Yeah, no, I correct, I’m Will, yeah.

I mean, I’ve been working on this, I’ve been trying to get it off the ground

- for like ages. - Well, yeah, exactly.

It’s completely... what?

Anyway, can I just say, guys, the good news is, Anna absolutely loves it.

- Anna? - What?

I know.

You showed this to Anna?

- Woah. - Yes, I know, yes.

So what you...

No, 'cause, what it was, I ran into Anna, like, in the lift,

and, can I just say, has anyone else noticed the perfume she’s wearing?

- Her perfume? - Is it new? Is it just me?

- Yeah, anyway. - Yes, I know, yes,

honestly, what am I like?

Anyway, we were just, like, chatting, and, well, I say chatting obviously,

it was me mostly 'cause you know what she’s like.

She doesn’t say much does she?

Whereas me, I mean, well, I just open my mouth,

- I’ve no idea what... - Yeah, okay.

So anyway, I promised that I would forward her the link to it

and do you know what, by the time I got to Costa she’d come straight back to me,

'cause the thing about Anna is,

she don’t say much, but when she does she don’t muck about.

And she’s like, “Oh, my god, David, genius.”

- Right, okay. - Unbelievable.

I know. 'Cause also... 'cause I haven't finished yet, okay?

Apparently she likes it so much that she’s, like, “Do you know what, guys?

You should be, like, using this as the online trailer for the BBC Me launch.

- Right. - So she sends it straight over

to Siobhan Sharpe at Fun Media for them to look at.

- Siobhan Sharpe? - Yes, I know.

- Way, no way. - Anna sent this to Siobhan Sharpe?

I know, and apparently she’s, like, Siobhan practically wet herself.

- I don’t believe this. - I know.

- I do. - Yeah, unbelievable, yeah.

And do you know what? I’m, like, guys, this is just outrageous.

- Yes. - Yes.

Yeah, no mental, yeah. I dunno.

It’s next Tuesday.

And another big day ahead as Ian arrives for work.

This is the day when top civil servant Fiona Craig

from the Department of Culture, Media and also Sport,

is due to arrive to see a normal morning at the BBC.

But already, things are starting to look anything but normal.

- Anna. - Yes, hi, yes.

- You’ve got a bike? - Yes, exactly, yes.

Well, I mean, what can I say?

- Congratulations. - Yes, no, yes.

Not only has Director of Better, Anna Rampton,

apparently decided to join Ian on two wheels,

but, like him, she’s gone for wheels that are theoretically at least foldable

if you were listening to the person in the shop who explained how to do it.

I don’t wanna interfere, but do you want a hand with that?

Yes. No. The fact is that yes.

Yeah, no, it’s really simple

- once you get the hang of it. - Yes, exactly, yes.

For Ian, this is a chance to demonstrate a range of skills

acquired over many years of folding under all kinds of conditions,

whilst for Anna, this is a chance to stand quietly

and watch everything he does at close quarters.

- There you are. - Yes.

- Yeah, it’s really easy. - Yes, um...

- So now I’ve... - Thank you.

No, no, that’s... But now that I’ve done it do you want me

- to undo it again so you can... - No.

- No, right. - No, the fact is I need to

- change my shoes. - Right, yes. Okay, well.

- Oh, hi, Lucy. - Hi, yes.

- Yes. - Anna’s just joined the club.

- Yes, good. - Yes, exactly, yes.

- Who’d have thought it? - Yes.

Yes, so you’re all set for the Ryan Chelford...

Yes. Really sorry, I’ve gotta go.

Yes.

Right. Great.

This is also a big day for Lucy Freeman in her role,

at least at for the moment anyway, as Head of Inclusivity.

Hi, Ryan.

She’s come outside to meet Ryan Chelford,

who has arrived at New Broadcasting House by parking his Bentley Continental

almost directly outside it.

- Lovely car. - Yeah, it’s not bad. It does the job.

Do you know what I’m saying?

- How was your journey? - Yeah, no problem, yeah.

Came down last night, stayed with a mate in Rickmansworth.

Right.

Rickmansworth’s quite a long way out, isn't it?

Well, I say a mate. He is a mate, but he’s got, like, a hotel.

- Right. - Yeah.

He’s here to talk about his future with the BBC Sport family,

as well as to reflect in some detail on his journey to this point.

No, 'cause the smart move, what I’ve done is, yeah,

I went back out on the M25 and back in again on the M1.

- Do you know what I’m saying? - Right.

I could’ve gone south and come back in on the M40, I admit that.

- Yes. - But I’m sorry for me that’s not a road.

- No. - For me you’ve got cameras everywhere.

40 mile an hour restrictions. You know what I’m saying?

- You might as well be driving a horse. - Yes.

Well, shall I just get you signed in? Then we’ll just head on up.

Yeah, sure, yeah. Nice one.

And my new agent’s supposed to be here.

- I’m not seeing her. - Right.

I’m sorry, but for me she’s my agent, right?

She’s got a job to do, but for me she’s just not turned up.

- No, well, perhaps - Hi...

- Ryan. - Yeah, hi.

- Faiza. - Oh, right.

- Faiza Raja, Head of Diversity. - Yeah, no, Faiza. Yeah, nice one.

- So great to meet you at last. - Yeah, you too. Yeah, you too.

Thanks so much for coming in today.

- Hi, Faiza. - Yes. Hi, Lucy, yes.

But if Ryan’s agent may not have turned up for him for some reason,

current BBC Head of Diversity Faiza Raja,

at least until Inclusivity and Diversity are reimagined

as a single new post of empowerment as part of the More Of Less initiative,

definitely has.

- So you got here all right then, Ryan? - Yeah, no problem.

Parking space bang outside.

- You drove? - Too right I did.

- Right. - Right, yes.

Although saying that, I came down last night and stayed with a mate

in Rickmansworth.

- Yes. - Rickmansworth?

I know what you’re thinking, I say a mate but he’s got a hotel.

- Right. - Yeah.

- Okay, what’s going on? - What’s going on?

You do know what’s happening this morning?

Of course, yes.

So, I mean I don’t mind, but I thought I’d sort of been dealing with this.

Yes, no, I’m sorry. The fact is with...

- Right, great... - Right, I’m in.

- Yes. - Yes, right, well, shall we?

Woah, excuse my language girls, but what a fucking place!

- Well, you know. - It's like you're in a film.

- Yes. - All of a sudden, I’m fucking Tom Cruise,

- do you know what I’m saying? - Right.

Your clothes, give them to me now.

- Yes. - Yes.

Now listen, I don’t know how any of this stuff works,

but basically, as I understand it, that’s the old bit over there.

- Yes. - This is the new bit over here.

- Yes. - And then this bit was basically built

- just to sort of join the two. - Obviously, yes.

Yes, no, obviously. Yes, no, very good.

By 10 o’clock, Simon Harwood is already busy welcoming Fiona Craig

from the Department of Culture, Media and also Sport,

who has arrived at New Broadcasting House together with two further women,

in order to observe a normal morning at the BBC.

If it helps, Tony sometimes refers to it as the mind-brain interface.

All right, okay.

You know, one of his little things.

Do you know what? I’m not sure that does help though does it?

Brilliant.

If I’m being really honest with you, Simon.

Yes, no, of course, yes, no, very good.

Shall we go through?

Given the potential significance

of the charter renewal process, for the future of the BBC

and everyone currently inside it,

it’s important that the visiting delegation feel as comprehensively met

and greeted as possible.

- Fiona, hi. - Hi, yes.

- Ian. - Yes.

- Ian Fletcher. - Yes, no, Ian. I assumed as much.

- Well, it’s very good to meet you. - Yes, no, you too.

This is Chloe and Zoe.

- Right. - Hello.

- Hi. - Hello.

You’ll not be surprised to hear I’m forever getting them mixed up.

- Right. - But really they don’t seem to mind.

- No. - No.

Right, good. You’ve met Simon then.

Indeed we have Ian, yes.

- Yes. - Brilliant.

Well, welcome to New Broadcasting House.

Yes. No, we’ve already done that bit.

- Oh, right, have you? - Yes.

- Yes. - Fabulous.

- Well, what we... - Yes, hello, yes.

- Oh, right, okay. Anna. - Yes, exactly, yes.

As things turn out on this particular normal morning,

Anna Rampton also happens to be down in reception in her role

- as Director of Better. - This is Anna Rampton, Director of Better.

- Oh, right. - Yes, exactly, yes.

Can I ask, Director of Better what, Anna?

- Yes, no, that... - Brilliant.

The fact is, welcome to the BBC.

- No, we’ve already done that bit. - Yes.

- Yes. - Yes.

- Right, okay. - Good.

I mean, yes, I could’ve come by train without a doubt.

- Yes. - But for me, if you’ve got a decent car

- you bloody wanna drive somewhere. - Yes.

I mean, it’s not like you can drive a train.

- No. - Okay, you can drive a train.

I admit that. Like if you’re a train driver,

but, for me, if you’re driving a train you’re only ever going in one direction.

Do you know what I’m saying?

Meanwhile, up on the sixth floor,

Head of Inclusivity Lucy Freeman and Head of Diversity Faiza Raja

are leading Ryan Chelford towards his destiny.

Sat on a train, drinking shit coffee with people you don’t know.

And with the single New Head of Empowerment role

set to replace both their current roles, quite possibly towards theirs.

Clive.

- Oh, hi, Lucy. - Hi.

- How are ya? - Yes, I’m good, thanks.

- You made it then. - 'Fraid so, yeah.

- Great, so... - Clive, we’ve not met before.

- Right. - Faiza. Faiza Raja, Head of Diversity.

- Oh, okay. - Yes.

- Good to meet you. - Yeah, you too, you too.

You know Ryan, of course.

- Yup. - Yes.

- Yeah, hi, yeah. - Clive Cook, BBC Head of Football.

Yeah, the main man.

- Well, let's not... - El misseurino le gaffer.

- What? - Nice one.

Okay, so we’re in Mary Berry I think.

- Oh, are we? - Yes, so...

- Well, no. - I thought it was Frankie Howard?

- Yes. - I booked Mary Berry.

- Right. - No, I booked Frankie Howard.

- Well, I’m sorry... - Has anyone booked a band?

- What? - At this rate we could have quite a party.

One of the distinctive features

of the BBCs intelligent syncopatispace room booking software,

is that if two people book different rooms

at exactly the same time and under exactly the same subject heading, it crashes.

I have, I’ve pressed it twice and I...

- Shall we try mine? - Fortunately however,

Head of Communications Tracy Pritchard has arrived to help.

Yes, we just thought it might be interesting for you to meet him and to,

just to get a sense of how someone like him fits into our family.

- Yes, exactly, yes. - Meanwhile,

really not very far away now,

the visiting delegation from the DCM and, also, S is getting closer

almost by the yard.

I think I’m right in saying that Ryan has already arrived.

Brilliant.

Ah, yes, so this... actually I might just, uh...

Will you excuse me if I just, uh...

Tracy, hi, yes.

Yes, I know, we’re just coming towards you now.

Right.

They may be walking towards a potential disaster,

but luckily potential disasters are one of Tracy Pritchard’s key areas of expertise.

Anyway, at the moment, they’re both locked.

- Right. - Like we physically can’t get in.

Right. - I don't know where Faiza’s appeared from.

Right. - I’m not being negative or anything,

but I have got a very bad feeling about this.

Right. - I’ve gotta say, Ian,

from where I’m standing this has all the makings of a category A,

- 100% platinum standard fuck up. - Okay, fine. Thanks Tracy, that’s great.

Okay. Good.

All right. Just...

Ryan, hi.

Yeah, hiya, yeah.

- Ian Fletcher. - Yeah.

- Good to see you again. - Yeah, nice one, Ian, yeah.

- Thanks for coming in today. - Yeah, no worries, Ian, yeah.

My new agent’s supposed to be here somewhere.

But do you know what? For me, she’s just not turned up.

Right.

Well, let me just make a few introductions first.

So this is Fiona Craig from the Department of Culture, Media,

- and interestingly enough, also Sport. - Nice one.

With the possible exception of the person at the centre of it,

everyone involved in the meeting understands not only

how important it is that it runs smoothly,

but also how remote a prospect that is given the number of people involved.

And finally, Tracy Pritchard, Senior Communications person.

- Yes. - Hello.

Can I just say, Fiona, welcome...

No, the fact is we’ve done that.

- All right. - Yes.

- Yes. - Yes.

But not being able to say with any certainty

where the meeting actually is, isn’t an ideal start.

Right, okay, well, we’re in Nadia Hussain I think, aren’t we?

- Uh, we... - Yea...yes.

- Nadia Hussain? - I think so yes, so that’s all good.

Yes. No, brilliant. Now listen, I’m going to have to leave you guys I‘m afraid.

Oh, right.

- If that’s gonna be... - Yes, fine.

And frankly rather a Tony facing morning, if you...

- No, that’s good for us really. - Right.

- Yes. - Yes.

Fabulously exciting to meet you.

- Yes, you too. - And don’t take any nonsense

- from these guys okay? - That we won't, Simon.

Brilliant. Uh, right.

Good-o.

- Right, okay. - Okay, so if everyone would just like

to follow me?

How’s it going?

- How’s it going? - Yes.

I feel like I want to cry.

It’ll be fine, okay? It’s gonna be absolutely fine.

Not if I cry I won’t.

You won’t cry. Question of Sport was your idea.

It’s a brilliant solution, okay?

Should have been bloody Top Gear and then bloody cars!

Yes, well, we only keep that for emergency use if I were you.

- Yes. - Right, okay.

Eventually, the routine meeting with Ryan Chelford

is inexorably under way.

Okay, well, so just to say officially then:

- welcome to Ryan. - Yes, exactly, yes.

- Yes. - Hey.

And also welcome to Fiona, Chloe and Zoe from the DCM and, also, S,

even though, for the purposes of this they’re not actually here of course.

Exactly so, Ian.

- No. - No.

Well, what do you mean they’re not here?

Right, okay, so I suppose the first thing to say...

Hey, guys.

- Oh, right. - Oh, yeah, nice to meet ya.

- Hey, Siobhan. - Hey.

- You look gorgeous. - Oh, right, okay.

But just when it looks as if everything might be

under control again,

it suddenly become clear that following his recent rise to social media eminence,

Ryan Chelford has signed to Fun Media, that Siobhan Sharpe is now his new agent

and that, in her mind, the future is gender fluid.

Literally sitting on the next Gayson Perry here, right?

- Yes. - Grayson Perry.

No, sure, exactly. It’s a no-brainer.

Yes, so I was just saying Siobhan, perhaps the first thing to say is,

how excited we are at the prospect of working with Ryan here at the BBC.

- Yes. - Yay!

I mean, certainly from an empowerment point of view.

- Yes, exactly. - Yes.

Go, Ryan.

Yes, so I guess the practical question,

aside from the bigger issues for a moment,

is how and where best to employ Ryan’s talents within the many things

that the BBC does.

- Yes, exactly. - Yes.

- Cool. - I mean, Clive...

- Yeah? - I know you’ve got some thoughts about

how you see Ryan’s role in relation to Match of the Day itself.

Yeah. So obviously we were lucky enough to have Ryan on our midweek

FA Cup third round highlight package.

- Yes. - No worries.

But we found...

We debrief after every show, obviously, and we found ourselves asking

whether Match of the Day represents the best possible fit

for Ryan’s talents going forward.

- Right, okay. - Yes.

- So if that’s the case... - No, I’m sorry guys. Sorry, Clive.

- What are you saying there? - Yes, exactly.

I mean, 'cause for me, I’m sat here, I’ve drove all the way down from Cheshire

do you know what I’m saying?

- Yes. - You so have.

Though saying that I did stay with a mate in Rickmansworth last night.

Right.

No, this is very much about exploring possibilities

and being prepared to go beyond the obvious to make sure we get this right.

- Yes. - Exactly, yes.

- Totally. - Yes.

So very much with that spirit in mind,

Lucy has come up with what we think is potentially a really interesting idea.

- Yes. - All right.

- Well, no. - I’ve gotta say, I agree.

I won’t say any more, I’ll let Lucy talk us through it.

Yes.

But we’d be very interested to see what you think.

Okay. Nice one.

Okay...

- Well, no... - Sorry, Lucy. Sorry, Ian,

but just to check this isn’t A Question of Sport is it?

Well I mean yes, what? - A Question of Sport?

- Well, perhaps... - What, do you mean with

- Sue what’s-her-name? - Exactly.

I mean, I’m sorry, the fact is I just don’t think that’s gonna work.

- Well, that’s... - The fact is we’re talking about over

half a million followers on Twitter now. A lot of them in the LGBT community.

- Yes. - Yay!

This isn’t about hiding him away on a quiz show.

- No, no. - The fact is, this is about having a face,

like Ryan’s face, as a regular presence on a show like the Match of the Day.

- Yes, exactly. - Yes.

- Okay, cool. - Right, okay.

Let's do it, let's do this thing.

I mean, Clive, given what you’ve said already I don’t know

- what your reaction is to that as a... - Yeah, so I think probably

the thing to say about that is, from our point of view, it’s not going to happen.

- Right, okay. - Yes, I’ve gotta say guys, I thought so.

Bummer.

Yeah, hey, this is me on my bike.

This is me on my bike.

Meanwhile, elsewhere,

Development Executive Izzy Gould is busy reviewing developments

with what was On Your Bike before it’s recent transformation

into someone else's idea.

Hey.

Oh, hi.

It's not bad is it?

- What are you doing here? - Nothing.

- What do you want? - Brought you coffee.

- Coffee? - Yes.

- What for? - I dunno, to drink I guess.

Unless you wanna do something else with it?

- Can I sit here for a minute? - There’s someone there.

No, I know. Just for a minute, that’s all.

I won’t even put my coffee down. Look.

So, David Wilks has somehow managed to set up a meeting with Matt Taverner

and Siobhan Sharpe about the BBC Me launch,

- I mean, about everything. - Right.

So I’m gonna go.

And what about Will?

- Will. - Yes.

Just come to the meeting, okay?

Why wouldn’t you?

I mean, I’m sorry, but this isn’t actually

- about diversity is it? - No, I’m sorry...

On which, by the way, I’m very proud of our record on Match of the Day.

I’m sorry, the fact is,

this is really about empowerment.

- Exactly. - Okay.

- Yes. - Yes.

I mean, I thought we were supposed to be on the same side here, aren't we?

- Well, yes. - Yes.

Can I just say, guys, I certainly am.

Yeah, you don’t wanna start arguing with yourselves.

- No, well... - I mean, I’m sorry, for me,

that’s poor thinking.

Back in Nadia Hussain,

things are getting more normal virtually by the minute.

With respect, Clive, the fact is it’s not for you to say

what is and isn’t an empowerment issue.

In this particular case I think it is.

In this particular case it absolutely isn’t.

- Yes, it is. - Okay, so we’ve got both sides

of the argument pretty much nailed down now, so that’s all good.

- Cool. - As Head of Values,

Ian is aware that the last thing that needs to happen

is for the BBC’s current Head of Diversity

to have a full scale argument about a cross-dressing presenter

with the BBC Head of Football in front of a visiting team

from the Department of Culture, Media and also Sport.

I mean, it seems to me, Faiza, that your point is about having a face

like Ryan’s on a flagship show,

which you could argue has been too narrowly gendered up to now.

- Exactly, yes. - Yes, exactly, yes.

And Clive’s point is that Match of the Day itself may not actually

be the most effective context in which to address this issue.

- Yeah, is it? - Yes. I think so, yes.

Right, okay.

No, 'cause I’m just thinking, Lucy, the other idea you had, of course,

knowing Ryan’s interests and strengths

and you might want to say more about how you came to this,

was whether there might be a role for him somewhere in Top Gear.

- Yes, uh... - Top Gear?

- Yes, no. - You’re kidding me?

- Blimey. - Holy shit.

- I just wondered whether... - Sure.

I wondered whether that might be

- an interesting thing. - Sure.

I mean, for Top Gear too, I mean.

- Yes. - No, sure, I'd totally watch that.

I mean, you’ve gotta say, guys, whatever you think of Top Gear,

and obviously I never watch it myself,

- but that really is a big idea. - Well, yes.

I mean, obviously there’d be some in-house issues

we’d have to navigate our way through.

- Yes, no, but in principle... - In principle, yes.

Cool!

And you know, it’s our job to think big thoughts

and maybe that’s something you might be able to help with anyway, Anna?

Yes, exactly, yes.

- I mean, Ryan... - I mean, I love this.

I totally love it when this shit happens.

And yes, so Ryan, I mean I don’t know what you're in...

Okay, for me, right,

excuse my language, right, I’m sorry, but Lisa, I bloody love you.

- Well, no... - I mean, you’ve come here,

you’ve sat there, you’ve said nothing...

Just, it was something I think I could see working, that’s all.

That for me is top, top thinking.

- Yep, me too, yeah. - Right, well...

- Good job, guys. - And so, we move on.

So, can I just say, 'cause I know we’re not supposed to be here

I don’t know what it was like for you guys,

but this is probably the most fun we’ve had in quite some time, isn't it, girls?

- Yes. - Yes.

Right, so yes, potentially then, that’s all good.

- Yes. - Yes.

Oh, hi.

- Yes, hi, yes. - Yes.

- Doors open. - Eventually it’s the end

of the day.

With yet another potential disaster at the last moment

somehow turned into a potential solution.

You know, I suppose the main thing is we got through another day.

- Yes. - If that’s a good thing?

Yes.

Forgive me asking and obviously it’s none of my business

but have you decided what you’re doing yet?

- About? - You know, with the job and...

Oh, right, yes, um...

It’s also a day which has left Lucy thoughtful

about whether to apply for the new Head of Empowerment post,

or to embrace the new More Of Less initiative even more enthusiastically

by leaving altogether.

I didn’t really want to apply for the job I’ve got.

- Well, no, I remember. - Never mind this one.

You were gonna work in a garden centre.

Yes.

Yeah, I dunno, like I think it’s gonna be easier like to start again.

Yes, all right.

But it turns out that Lucy isn’t the only one

with a knotty problem to grapple with.

Hi.

- Yeah, hi, yeah. - Yes, hi, yes.

- Hi, Anna. - Yes, exactly.

- Everything okay? - Yes.

Yeah, I dunno like I’ve never seen one do this before.

- Well, I would offer to help but... - Yes.

- I think Will’s probably... - Yeah, no worries here, cool.

Yes, exactly, you can go now.

- Yeah, no, but... - Thank you.

- Okay. - Right, um...

- Yes. - I mean, I really don’t want to

- interfere, Will. - Yeah, no worries here, yeah.

Yes, exactly, yes.

- Okay. - Right, uh...

For Ian, after a long day,

this is a chance to demonstrate just how rapidly you can transform

an apparently random arrangement of steel, rubber, handlebars and other things

into a completely different arrangement twice its real size

if you really want to.

Just the pedal there.

There that’s it and there you go, done.

- Yes, thank you. - Okay, well...

Yes.

- Don’t forget helmet and lights. - Yeah, no, exactly, no.

Wouldn’t want anything to happen to you.

- Yes. - Okay.

Thank you.

- Shall I just... - Yes, exactly, yes.

Okay, there you go.

Yes.

See you tomorrow.

Yes, exactly, yes.

Oh, right, okay.

Good.