Original subtitles

- Previously on "Awkward"...

- I can offer you a couple shifts at the country club.

- I'm in.

I'm sorry about how everything went down.

- How about a secret party tonight at the 16th tee?

- I felt guilty about not inviting Jake to the party.

- What's going on out here?

- Great party. - You're fired.

- Against all odds, my friendship with Matty

was stronger than ever.

He'd even admitted to me that I was right

to tell him not to transfer to Wycoff.

It felt great, or at least it would have

if I didn't feel so bad about getting Jake fired.

And if I wasn't so worried about work.

And if I didn't have a hangover

the size of a small country.

I feel awful.

This is the worst thing we've ever done to Jake.

- [clears throat]

- Okay, this is the second-worst thing

we've ever done to Jake.

- I keep trying to reach him,

but he's straight-up icing me.

- You've reached Jake Rosati,

Palos Hills Country Club manager.

Leave a message. - Jake.

Again, we are all so, so sorry

for getting you fired and not inviting you to the party.

We are jerks. Come on, guys.

Tell Jake what jerks we are. - We're the biggest jerks.

- Jake, come get breakfast with us.

- Apologies, bitch.

- Everyone, please stop yelling.

- Just call me.

That's like the eighth message I've left.

He must be super pissed. - We have to fix this.

- The only fix for this kind of hangover

is hair of the dog.

- Oh, my God.

That's it.

Fix the negative effects of booze

with more booze.

- Yeah, man. That's just science.

- No, no, no, Jake's mad at us

for not inviting him to our party,

so let's throw him a party.

- Put 'em up, Jenna.

Citizen's arrest by the logic police.

Jake isn't answering texts or calls,

you think he's gonna answer an e-vite?

- It'll be a surprise party.

- In fact, since he just missed a kickback,

let's take it up a notch and throw him a rager.

- We'll make it up to Jake. It'll be a Jake-up.

Or is that when I broke up with him?

- And I'll host--my parents are taking Morgan

to see her grandparents this weekend,

and I already bailed because their house

always smells like instant soup.

- I'll get the booze.

- [moans]

- I'll take this when you're ready.

- Oh, [bleep], my wallet's in my locker at the club.

- So are our purses.

- In my car, at the club.

- Looks like it's time to dine and ditch.

On three.

Three!

- [bleep]

- Cash or charge, hon?

[typewriter sounds]

- Oh, I just love matching socks.

Here's your friend, Señor Stripey!

Oh, and here's your husband, Mrs. Polka Dots.

- I can't believe those ass[bleep]!

First, they do a terrible job,

and then they have a party without me,

and then they get me [bleep] fired.

- So mean! - And they don't even get it!

For them, it's a summer job,

but for me, it's a career.

- I don't know, Jakey.

Maybe this was a good thing.

- How is me getting fired possibly a good thing?

- Think of the job at the country club like

a tiny house with no gift-wrapping room.

It's just a starter!

Now you can move on to bigger and better things.

- Like what?

- My daddy's boyfriend has

this amazing start-up company

where they wear really colorful shirts

and fun sneakers,

and you look so cute in brights.

- What does the start-up actually do?

- Unclear, but whatever it is,

it pays way better than the country club.

- [sighs] - Come on, Jake.

Don't you want to try something new?

- Yeah.

Yeah.

Yeah, I don't need the stupid country club.

You are the best.

- You are the best.

That's what Don DeLillo said to me

after reading my searing memoir

about my struggle with sex addiction.

But then he asked me,

"Who is the next you?

Who's the voice of their generation?"

And I realized I didn't know! [phone dings]

Jenna.

Are you with me?

- Always, Lizzy.

- And I appreciate the support.

That's why I started Idea Bin,

so that I could nurture the next generation of writers.

And looking around at some of you,

I can see I have done just that.

Mia. Max.

Luke. Ophelia.

You have all exceeded my expectations.

- Wait, what about me? Did I miss something?

Have I not exceeded Lizzy's expectations?

Or have I not met them?

- For the first time

in Idea Bin's storied three-year history,

we want to give one of our editorial fellows

the opportunity to write an e-book for us.

Now, I think there's an obvious choice.

That being said,

it is anyone's game.

Most people's game.

People who have had multiple bylines' game.

- Oh, God. I wasn't meeting expectations.

That's not fair. Maybe I'm just a late bloomer.

- Ophelia, what advice do you have

for fellows who are feeling blocked?

- Dig deep.

Write about the most personal things in your life,

the things that you have really learned from.

For me, it was the time

that I had dinner with my therapist.

Well, outside of the restaurant

where he was having dinner.

Unbeknownst to him.

[phone dings]

- Dig deep.

Personal. Life lessons.

Okay, I knew what to write about.

- I've had an easier time getting on the list at Teflon

than getting a goddamn soda here today.

I want a soda!

This place was way better off when Jake was here.

- Of course it was.

I can't wait for his party.

He's gonna come over to the Hamiltons'

and thinks we're gonna have sex,

but it's a party.

And then, probably sex.

- Please never speak to me about your disgusting sex life

with that human milkshake again.

It's actually making me less excited

to hook up with Sergio--J/K!

Nothing could make me less excited

to hook up with Sergio.

- You haven't yet?

- I was dealing with the red menace on the fourth,

and then his stupid tamale truck

got a gig in Palm Springs for the week.

But at the party? It is on.

- Yay, sex!

- Yes, Lissa. Yay, sex.

And yay me, because

I'll get my own goddamn soda!

Un-[bleep]-believable.

- I could barely believe it, but after 24 hours

of drowning in a pool of self-reflection,

I'd emerged with a piece I was really proud of.

It was about Matty.

How we'd gone through the ringer as a couple,

how I thought we'd never speak again

after the Wycoff Incident,

and how finally, miraculously,

we'd become real friends.

I liked it, but would anyone else?

Check your email. I just sent you something.

Really had to dig deep for this one.

- [sighs]

"From Lovers to Friends to Lovers to Friends.

For Real This Time."

Oh.

Excited to read.

Look, I know things have been

a little rough for you here,

but you can write.

Believe in yourself.

And, just in case,

it's been great working with you.

- Wait, what?

- Babe, you got to pick up what Lizzy's throwing down.

I mean, if your next piece doesn't go

"Contagion"-level viral,

you're gonna go from editorial fellowship

to ad sales, and I think we both know

you're not exactly Donna Draper.

- Matty and I had worked together

to make this party happen.

We were even a team with Luke and Sully.

It was a little "Twilight Zone," but hey,

not every episode of that show was sinister, right?

I actually don't know the answer to that question.

- I got him Fireblast because we got him fired.

- Oh, my God. Fireblast.

I haven't had that since that time in junior year.

- "No, no, I can totally do gymnastics!

You don't even know!" - Stop!

- Okay, Jake will be here in a few hours.

I sent him out to buy some interview clothes,

which should keep him busy for a while.

He keeps texting me pictures of bright shirts

asking if they look too flashy.

- So late, so sorry.

The bakery did not understand what I meant

when I said "Monday morning at 'GQ'

meets Rick Owens at an ice cream shop,"

so I had to overhaul the whole design concept.

- I'm very sure he'll notice that.

- I don't know, when I think Jake, I think "GQ."

- You guys can keep LOL-ing in the deep,

but the good news is people are arriving by the carful.

[doorbell rings]

- Hey! - Hey.

- Oh! You're hot as hell!

- I know, right?

Ow!

Um, what was that?

- Oh, sorry. You didn't like it?

- I didn't say that.

It's just...new.

- Yeah, like that little thing

you're doing with your tongue, eh?

- Well, maybe I learned some new tricks

while we were broken up.

- Well, maybe I did too.

[hip-hop music playing]

- Do you think I'd be good in ad sales?

- Honesty or politeness?

- I know.

Oh, God.

Someone's drinking tequila out of Morgan's bottle.

Sully, use a red cup!

- [gags]

- God, am I glad to see you.

- Patrick! What are you doing here?

- My friend Parker brought me.

And thank God, I was so pissed off at myself

for not getting your number at the club the other day.

- Really? - Well, yeah.

A cute girl who's here for the summer

and lives in New York?

I was an idiot. - Well, don't oversell yourself.

You live in Princeton, not New York.

- All right, every chance I get,

I'm at my parents' place on 80th and Park.

- Hello, Upper East Sider!

I'm in Washington Square.

- Oh, near the dorms.

- Yeah, really near the dorms.

- Ooh, is that annoying?

- Honestly, it drives me crazy.

I'm actually thinking about moving

up near the High Line.

- Oh, that's so much more chill. - Yeah.

- Ugh, you need to chill.

That lip-biting thing you just did?

What tamale trollop taught you that?

- I don't know, Sadie.

What Manhattan douche bag taught you that neck thing?

- You and I weren't together!

- No duh. Same thing goes for me.

- He's walking up now! - Be quiet. Be quiet.

- Everyone hide.

- Let's just go surprise Jake.

- Why not?

Tonight's full of surprises.

- Babe, I got some bright shirts,

but I don't think yellow's my color.

all: Surprise!

- What is this? - We're so sorry.

- And we wanted to make it up to you.

- Come on, guys.

This is a nice gesture, but you got me fired.

- We know, which is why...

We got you this. - Hey!

- You know, if you think a [bleep]-ton of beer

and a cake is gonna make up for this...

You're totally right! all: Hey!

- Thanks, guys. [all cheering]

- It had taken half the summer,

but things were back to normal now.

Better than normal, because normal was drama,

and there was no drama here.

[phone dings]

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, oh, my God, oh, my God.

My piece is on the front page.

- Babe, that's amazing.

Front page, that means they think you're gonna go viral.

- I never thought I'd be so happy to hear

"You" and "viral" in the same sentence,

but I couldn't wait to see my name on the front page,

and to share my news with the whole party.

Guys, guys. Huge news.

[dramatic music]

*

Jake's the best!

Yay! [all cheering]

- My piece about Matty was my first Idea Bin front-pager,

but instead of partying, I was panicking.

Ethan's headline edit had turned my piece

about Matty from a platonic love letter to a poison pen.

I can't believe Ethan would do this.

My title was "From Lovers to Friends

to Lovers to Friends. For Real This Time."

- I mean, it's not exactly clickbait.

Ethan probably just thought your title was soft,

so he went with something that would

give your piece a chance to go viral.

That means he believes in you.

- But I would never call Matty

"My loser ex."

I should just call Ethan.

- Jenna, be real.

This is your first big solo post.

- But what if Matty sees it?

- You think Matty reads Idea Bin?

[laughter] - Get out of the way!

- Yeah, hey--oh! - [snorts] Come on.

This post is a good thing.

I'm really proud of you.

- Really? - Really.

- Luke was right.

This was a good thing, right? Right.

Anyway, I'd disguised Matty's identity.

Maybe it would be okay.

- I'm going to get us something to toast with, hmm?

Hey, buddy.

Strong start. Very casual.

So, you bummed about

not working at the country club anymore?

- Eh, I'll find something else.

- I'm not bummed.

I don't need the country club.

I don't miss it at all.

- Cool. Yeah.

I'm just excited to be 100% focused on Idea Bin.

Speaking of which, do you guys ever read that?

Just curious.

- I don't.

If I wanted to hear some college kid

whining about how being 19 was hard,

I'd ask Tamara.

[chuckles]

- What about you, Matty? - I don't.

Is that terrible?

If there's something that you wrote

that you want me to read--

- No way, Jose.

Great job, Jenna. Killing it.

I mean, it's just some dumb website for writers.

And Jake's right, it's really

just a bunch of college kids whining.

So boring.

- Woof! - Oh!

I am wasted.

No more tequila for me.

Who wants vodka?

- Now that I was reasonably sure

Matty wouldn't see my post,

I could enjoy my night.

And look at my name on the front page again.

- When in Russia... - Whoo!

- Jenna.

- And, you know, Gran's not getting any younger,

so I figured why not spend the rest of the summer

with her here in Palos Hills.

Plus, it's a dope base for traveling the Pacific.

- So dope.

- Are you making fun of me? - A little.

- Oh, okay, well since you're so cool,

what are you doing this summer?

- Working at Idea Bin.

Not for money. Just interning.

- Oh, that's so smart.

Money's not important. It's about experience.

- Uh-huh. Exactly.

- Tamara, Tamara, Tamara.

- [laughs] Jake, Jake, Jake.

Don't you want to go talk to Lissa?

- I want you to know that I don't blame you

for getting me fired.

[phone rings] Mm.

Ah.

- Okay, I did think that the staff at the country club

was a little weak, but you had the manager fired?

- He was way out of line.

But I'm probably gonna try to get him a job,

maybe with my parents' company or something.

- You are so different than most of the girls I meet.

- Oh yeah? - Yeah.

They're all snobby, and,

like, 10% related to me.

- [laughs]

- Hey, listen.

I'm going to Bora Bora tomorrow,

but can I take you out when I'm back in town?

- I would love that.

[phone rings]

- This is Jake Rosati.

- I know who the hell it is. Where the hell are you?

I should be six margaritas deep by now!

- Derek fired me several days ago.

- That sober piece of [bleep].

Hold on.

Derek!

- Miss Saxton? - Here's the deal, dickweed.

Rosati's the best damn employee

this hell hole's ever had,

and if he's not back at work

with a 10% raise tomorrow,

I'll have no choice but to complain to my husband,

and you wouldn't want that, now would you?

- [exasperated breath]

I'll see you tomorrow, I guess?

- Thank you.

Unh! Hey!

Dudes, that alcoholic Ally got me my job back!

[cheering] - Hell yeah!

Best party ever!

- Sadita, it feels like maybe

we should talk about what happened earlier.

- What's there to talk about?

You certainly had fun without me.

- And you didn't?

Listen, we were broken up for a while.

We both had lots of different experiences.

- Lots? - Sadita, come on.

You think this stays lonely?

- Well, for your information,

neither does this.

- How unlonely does that body stay?

- I don't know, how unlonely does yours stay?

- You asking for a number? - Sure.

- Well, there's Chloe, Madison, Ana...

You know what?

None of them were you.

- Duh.

- We can have this conversation,

or we can go back to my place

and enjoy the new tricks we both learned,

without worrying about how we learned them.

- Let's get out of here.

All those girls sound super trashy, by the way.

I only hooked up with rich dudes

with last names as first names.

[phone dings]

- Hey. Here we go.

More beers!

- Yes. Thank you.

- Mm.

Jakey, I'm confused.

And not in the way I usually am.

- [chuckles]

Okay.

- Why are you taking the country club job back?

- It's a job, and I'm good at it.

Plus, I got a raise.

- But I thought you wanted something better.

- Wait, you're the one who got me that job.

Now it's not good enough?

- Well, I just thought it would be temporary.

You know, just to get you out of the job

where you had to wear the silly hat?

- Ah.

- I didn't think it would become a way of life.

Because it's not the way of life I want.

I mean, you couldn't even hang out with me on 4th of July.

- Well, it's what I want.

I feel like I fit in there.

- I think we should break up.

- Wait, what?

- I don't think what you want and what I want line up.

All my life, I've wanted to be a Palos Hills mom.

And that doesn't mean being married

to a country club manager.

It means being married to a country club member.

- Jesus, Lissa! - Don't bring him into it.

And it's about both of us having the lives we want.

You shouldn't have to change who you are,

but neither should I.

- This is insane.

You've gotten 100 new Twitter followers

since the last time we refreshed it.

- The comments are loading

faster than I can read them.

- "@IAmJennaHam is my new

hero/spirit animal/girl crush for life!"

This is freakin' awesome.

- It was freaking awesome.

My job at Idea Bin was safe.

Hell, maybe I even had a shot at the e-book.

What would I call it?

"I Am Jenna Hamilton?"

"What I've Learned?"

"A Millennial's Guide To Love And--"

- Hey, Jenna, weird question, but,

did you write a super-detailed post

about our relationship on Idea Bin?

- I thought you didn't read it.

- No, I don't. But I do check my phone.

It started blowing up with new Twitter followers

and texts about the post.

Nice headline, by the way.

- It's horrible, I know,

but they changed it on me

last-minute without telling me.

It's totally not what I wrote.

I think you'd actually really like the article

if you just read it.

- I don't care.

You had no right to do this.

- That was you?

You're the ex that [bleep] him up?

I just thought you were some second-tier

high school girlfriend.

You are a real bitch, bitch.

[door opens and slams shut]

[door opens]

- I'm gonna wait in the car.

- Look, I know the title's bad,

but would you please just read the article?

- Oh, you want to talk about what's in the article?

Okay.

"In the end, the most important thing

"I learned in college was this:

"sometimes, you know better than the person you love.

Sometimes it's up to you to do the right thing for them."

It's condescending as hell, Jenna.

- I don't understand.

Just the other day, you told me

that I was right to tell you not to transfer.

- Yes, I told you.

I didn't tell the world.

I'm--I'm not like you, Jenna.

I don't want everybody to know my business.

- I know, and that's why I didn't use your name.

- Yeah, you called me "Mark" and said

I was on a football scholarship.

Good [bleep] job.

There's a picture of me in the comments.

- I didn't put that picture up there.

I didn't know any of that could happen.

All right? Just...

It's been very hard at work,

and I thought I was gonna get fired,

and so I was just trying

to write a true piece,

and dig deep.

To me, that is our break up

and how it affected us.

- You don't know a single thing about our break up!

I was destroyed.

And really [bleep] depressed.

I thought about dropping out of school.

You know, it took me a really, really long time

to get back to good.

- Matty-- - No!

You never once checked in on me

to see how I was doing.

So I don't know why you'd think you know

for a single second

how this break up affected me.

- Matty, I'm so sorry. I didn't know--

- Yeah, you know what? I'm sorry too.

I'm sorry I thought we could be friends,

because the reality is,

you haven't changed at all.

- I'm sorry!

- Let's get out of here. - Okay.

- I'm [bleep] sorry!

Okay?

[sniffles]

- Next on "Awkward"...

- Jake, this is Ophelia. She's an amazing writer.

- Boyfriend? Stepbrother? Both? - Uh, neither.

- There's something about the article I want you to know.

- The article you said you were gonna take down that's still up?

- Matt's pissed. - Wow, so this is about Matty.

Matty is selfish if he wants you to take it down.

- Your article got 300,000 hits. - 300,000?