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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:04,900 --> 00:00:06,133 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:06,133 --> 00:00:07,967 - YOU'RE SUSPENDED. - MS. MARKS CALLED YOU 3 00:00:07,967 --> 00:00:09,600 FOR DATING ADVICE, AND SHE MADE YOU TOUCH HER BREAST? 4 00:00:09,600 --> 00:00:11,733 I AM NOT GONNA PUBLISH THIS. - IT'S ALL TRUE. 5 00:00:11,733 --> 00:00:13,833 - IT'S CRUEL. - I NEED TO GO HOME. 6 00:00:13,833 --> 00:00:15,200 - SEE YA. 7 00:00:15,200 --> 00:00:16,900 - THANK YOU FOR BEING MY HERO. 8 00:00:16,900 --> 00:00:18,800 - THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE. 9 00:00:21,300 --> 00:00:22,500 [Austra's Hurt Me Now] 10 00:00:22,500 --> 00:00:24,300 - MORNING HAD BROKEN, AND SO HAD I, 11 00:00:24,300 --> 00:00:26,600 BECAUSE OF THE CHOICES I HAD MADE UNDER THE INFLUENCE 12 00:00:26,600 --> 00:00:28,833 OF A DRUG-- COLLIN JENNINGS. 13 00:00:28,833 --> 00:00:30,433 - AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGMENT, 14 00:00:30,433 --> 00:00:32,467 I HAD BOUGHT INTO HIS PROPAGANDA, 15 00:00:32,467 --> 00:00:36,000 AND IT LEFT ME HEARTBROKEN, ALONE, AND HUMILIATED. 16 00:00:36,000 --> 00:00:39,000 I FELT LEFT OUT IN THE COLD... 17 00:00:39,000 --> 00:00:40,267 - BECAUSE I WAS. 18 00:00:40,267 --> 00:00:44,567 [leaf blower roars] - *ON A BED OF STONE * 19 00:00:44,567 --> 00:00:46,467 - SURPRISINGLY, MY DAD WAS WILLING 20 00:00:46,467 --> 00:00:49,167 TO LET ME BACK IN THE HOUSE... - * OH, DON'T HURT ME NOW * 21 00:00:49,167 --> 00:00:50,433 WHICH DIDN'T MEAN HE WAS READY 22 00:00:50,433 --> 00:00:52,333 TO PUT ME BACK ON HIS "FRIENDS AND FAMILY" PLAN. 23 00:00:52,333 --> 00:00:57,433 - * OH, DON'T HURT ME NOW * 24 00:00:57,433 --> 00:00:58,933 - THERE WERE NO "BUTS" ABOUT IT. 25 00:00:58,933 --> 00:01:01,067 I HAD HIT ROCK BOTTOM. 26 00:01:01,067 --> 00:01:02,700 I WANTED MY LIFE BACK. 27 00:01:02,700 --> 00:01:05,300 I KNEW IT WOULDN'T BE AN EASY CAMPAIGN, 28 00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:08,667 BUT I COULDN'T MAKE AN OMELET WITHOUT CRACKING A FEW EGGS. 29 00:01:10,500 --> 00:01:12,067 FRESH PEPPER? 30 00:01:12,067 --> 00:01:14,067 - SURE. [chuckles] 31 00:01:17,067 --> 00:01:19,100 I PRINTED OFF THE COLLEGE BASKETBALL SCORES 32 00:01:19,100 --> 00:01:21,700 FROM THIS MORNING'S PAPER. GO, JAYHAWKS. 33 00:01:21,700 --> 00:01:23,300 - THANKS, JENNA. 34 00:01:23,300 --> 00:01:25,300 - MY CAMPAIGN SEEMED TO BE WORKING. 35 00:01:25,300 --> 00:01:28,467 I WAS WINNING OVER CONSTITUENTS LEFT AND RIGHT. 36 00:01:28,467 --> 00:01:31,900 WHAT'S THIS? - YOUR BILL FOR THE MONTH. 37 00:01:31,900 --> 00:01:33,367 IF YOU DON'T WANT TO LIVE BY OUR RULES, 38 00:01:33,367 --> 00:01:35,433 THEN THIS IS A BUSINESS RELATIONSHIP, 39 00:01:35,433 --> 00:01:37,067 AND YOU CAN PAY RENT. 40 00:01:37,067 --> 00:01:38,333 OH! 41 00:01:38,333 --> 00:01:41,200 I'LL DEDUCT 20 BUCKS SINCE YOU SLEPT IN THE YARD. 42 00:01:41,200 --> 00:01:42,833 I MAY BE YOUR LANDLORD, 43 00:01:42,833 --> 00:01:44,767 BUT I'M NOT HEARTLESS. - MM. 44 00:01:52,267 --> 00:01:53,400 - MY WELL-MEANING BREAKFAST 45 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:55,500 HAVING DONE NOTHING TO SWAY PUBLIC OPINION, 46 00:01:55,500 --> 00:01:58,700 I RESORTED TO PANDERING. 47 00:01:58,700 --> 00:02:00,700 I KNOW YOU LOVE THAT EXTRA VENT. 48 00:02:02,900 --> 00:02:04,100 YOU LOOK PRETTY. 49 00:02:04,100 --> 00:02:07,233 - I KNOW. 50 00:02:07,233 --> 00:02:08,867 - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 51 00:02:08,867 --> 00:02:13,967 - GETTING A LIFE. 52 00:02:13,967 --> 00:02:17,300 APPARENTLY, I NEED ONE. 53 00:02:17,300 --> 00:02:21,200 - OKAY, POSTERS UP, BANNERS DRAPED, SPEECH WRITTEN. 54 00:02:21,200 --> 00:02:22,333 DO YOU THINK PEOPLE WILL KNOW I SPELLED "PRESIDENT" 55 00:02:22,333 --> 00:02:23,867 WITH A "Z" ON PURPOSE? 56 00:02:23,867 --> 00:02:25,700 NO ONE'S GONNA VOTE FOR ME IF THEY THINK I'M A DUMBASS. 57 00:02:25,700 --> 00:02:28,233 - I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU DID ALL THIS IN ONE NIGHT. 58 00:02:28,233 --> 00:02:29,800 DID YOU SLEEP AT ALL? - YEAH! 59 00:02:29,800 --> 00:02:32,200 I MADE THESE TOO, WITH MY BUTTON MAKER FROM FIFTH GRADE. 60 00:02:32,200 --> 00:02:33,400 THANK GOD MY MOM'S A HOARDER. 61 00:02:33,400 --> 00:02:35,267 - I WAS HOPING I COULD WIN BACK MY FRIENDS 62 00:02:35,267 --> 00:02:38,600 WITH A LITTLE GLAD-HANDING. 63 00:02:38,600 --> 00:02:40,833 HEY, GUYS! 64 00:02:40,833 --> 00:02:42,633 - HEY. - UH, HI. 65 00:02:42,633 --> 00:02:44,733 - I THINK YOU'D MAKE A GREAT PRESIDENT, T. 66 00:02:44,733 --> 00:02:47,067 YOU ALWAYS WERE A LEADER. - ARE YOU BEING SARCASTIC? 67 00:02:47,067 --> 00:02:49,300 - NOT AT ALL. 68 00:02:49,300 --> 00:02:51,467 CAN I WEAR ONE? 69 00:02:59,133 --> 00:03:01,333 WELL, YOU BOTH LOOK GOOD. 70 00:03:04,300 --> 00:03:05,433 - [sighs] 71 00:03:05,433 --> 00:03:07,600 YOU PROVED YOUR POINT. THIS IS HILARIOUS, 72 00:03:07,600 --> 00:03:09,900 AND ADORABLE, AND YOU CAN STOP NOW. 73 00:03:09,900 --> 00:03:12,133 - OH, NO, NO, NO, NO. I AM RUNNING. 74 00:03:12,133 --> 00:03:15,467 I ALREADY GOT THE REQUIRED 175 SIGNATURES. 75 00:03:15,467 --> 00:03:17,067 - OVERNIGHT? - LOOK, JAKE, 76 00:03:17,067 --> 00:03:18,433 IF YOU WANT TO BE PRESIDENT, 77 00:03:18,433 --> 00:03:20,200 YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO FIGHT FOR IT LIKE EVERYONE ELSE. 78 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:22,367 YOU THINK IT WAS EASY FOR ME TO FIND BANNER PAPER 79 00:03:22,367 --> 00:03:24,333 AND GROMMETS AFTER 7:00 AT NIGHT? 80 00:03:24,333 --> 00:03:26,167 CREPE PAPER DOESN'T TWIST ITSELF. 81 00:03:26,167 --> 00:03:27,900 SO, IF YOU'RE DONE DANCING AROUND THE MAYPOLE, 82 00:03:27,900 --> 00:03:30,800 IT'S TIME TO STRAP ON AND PLAY SOME HARDBALL. 83 00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,400 - OKAY. GAME ON! 84 00:03:34,400 --> 00:03:37,167 GAME ON. 85 00:03:37,167 --> 00:03:39,533 - MORE LIKE GAME OFF! - THAT'S NOT A THING. 86 00:03:39,533 --> 00:03:41,600 - THE WARM--OR RATHER, LUKEWARM--RECEPTION 87 00:03:41,600 --> 00:03:43,333 FROM MY PEERS WAS A CLEAR SIGN 88 00:03:43,333 --> 00:03:45,500 MY APPROVAL RATING WAS ON THE RISE. 89 00:03:45,500 --> 00:03:48,833 I FELT ENCOURAGED, INSPIRED, AND LIKE MYLES MCALLMOND, 90 00:03:48,833 --> 00:03:51,233 I WAS DETERMINED TO RUN A CLEAN RACE. 91 00:03:51,233 --> 00:03:52,833 - * BREATHE IT OUT BREATHE IT IN * 92 00:03:52,833 --> 00:03:55,167 - AND, LIKE MYLES, I WOULD FAIL. 93 00:03:55,167 --> 00:03:57,800 AS A RESULT OF MY RECENT TRIP DOWN ECSTASY LANE, 94 00:03:57,800 --> 00:03:59,100 I HAVE CONVENIENTLY FORGOTTEN 95 00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:02,067 THE MUD-SLINGING HAD ALREADY BEGUN, 96 00:04:02,067 --> 00:04:05,200 AND I WAS THE ONE WITH MUD ON MY HANDS. 97 00:04:05,200 --> 00:04:07,500 MR. HART, YOU CANNOT PUBLISH MY ESSAY ABOUT VAL. 98 00:04:07,500 --> 00:04:08,967 YOU WERE RIGHT, IT WAS CRUEL, AND WHEN I WROTE IT, 99 00:04:08,967 --> 00:04:10,067 I WAS IN A BAD, BAD PLACE. 100 00:04:10,067 --> 00:04:11,333 BUT I AM NO LONGER IN THAT PLACE, 101 00:04:11,333 --> 00:04:12,467 SO YOU CAN JUST THROW IT AWAY, 102 00:04:12,467 --> 00:04:15,333 AND I WILL WRITE SOMETHING NEW. DEAL? 103 00:04:15,333 --> 00:04:17,733 - HART'S NOT HERE TODAY, SO I'M COVERING FOR HIM. 104 00:04:17,733 --> 00:04:19,567 HIS GRANDMA DIED. 105 00:04:19,567 --> 00:04:20,633 AGAIN. - GREAT! 106 00:04:20,633 --> 00:04:22,600 NOT GREAT ABOUT HIS GRANDMA, 107 00:04:22,600 --> 00:04:23,833 GREAT THAT I HAVE TIME TO KILL MY ESSAY 108 00:04:23,833 --> 00:04:25,533 BEFORE THE EXPERIOR COMES OUT. 109 00:04:25,533 --> 00:04:28,267 THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN ALL OVER THE PLACE. 110 00:04:28,267 --> 00:04:30,533 - WOW, TIMING ON THAT COULDN'T HAVE BEEN BETTER. 111 00:04:30,533 --> 00:04:32,067 - THERE WAS NOTHING I COULD DO. 112 00:04:32,067 --> 00:04:34,400 THE INFORMATION HAD GONE PUBLIC. 113 00:04:34,400 --> 00:04:36,333 I HAD TO WARN VALERIE. 114 00:04:50,167 --> 00:04:52,733 - I NEED SOME ADVICE ABOUT GETTING A LIFE. 115 00:04:52,733 --> 00:04:56,200 I WANT DO SOMETHING, BE SOMETHING, GO SOMEWHERE. 116 00:04:56,200 --> 00:05:00,300 - I CANNOT TELL YOU HOW LONG I HAVE WAITED FOR YOU TO SAY THAT! 117 00:05:00,300 --> 00:05:02,400 I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED 118 00:05:02,400 --> 00:05:05,167 TO BLOW THIS TOWN THELMA AND LOUISE STYLE. 119 00:05:05,167 --> 00:05:07,867 LIKE, TAKE A DRIVE INTO A CANYON. 120 00:05:07,867 --> 00:05:10,733 THEN WE LIVE HOW I IMAGINE THEY LIVED IN THAT CANYON, 121 00:05:10,733 --> 00:05:12,867 WITH SOME INDIANS. 122 00:05:12,867 --> 00:05:15,633 - NO, I MEAN, GET A JOB. 123 00:05:15,633 --> 00:05:18,600 THERE'S GOT TO BE SOMETHING HERE AT THE SCHOOL I CAN APPLY FOR. 124 00:05:18,600 --> 00:05:21,633 I'LL DO ANYTHING. 125 00:05:21,633 --> 00:05:24,067 - CAN YOU APPLY A BAND-AID? - YES! 126 00:05:24,067 --> 00:05:25,867 - CAN YOU DIAL 911? 127 00:05:25,867 --> 00:05:27,300 - YES. 128 00:05:27,300 --> 00:05:30,233 - CAN YOU WIELD AN ICE PACK, EVEN IF IT'S REALLY COLD? 129 00:05:30,233 --> 00:05:31,667 - YES! - CAN YOU WIELD 130 00:05:31,667 --> 00:05:33,267 A REALLY COLD ICE PACK 131 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:35,300 WHILE DIALING 911? 132 00:05:35,300 --> 00:05:37,367 - I CAN! 133 00:05:37,367 --> 00:05:39,233 - YOU'RE QUALIFIED. - OH, MY GOD. 134 00:05:39,233 --> 00:05:40,433 - YEAH. 135 00:05:40,433 --> 00:05:42,167 - I'M QUALIFIED! 136 00:05:42,167 --> 00:05:43,600 WHA--UH--FOR WHAT? 137 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:47,100 - HAVE YOU HEARD OF THE A.S.S. CONTEST? 138 00:05:47,100 --> 00:05:48,333 - I WON ONE! 139 00:05:48,333 --> 00:05:52,667 BUT I DIDN'T GET A PAPERWEIGHT. I WON 50 BUCKS. 140 00:05:52,667 --> 00:05:54,800 - IT'S A DISTRICT-WIDE AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL CONTEST 141 00:05:54,800 --> 00:05:55,933 THAT WE WON! 142 00:05:55,933 --> 00:05:57,800 AND THE PRIZE IS A NURSE FOR A MONTH. 143 00:05:57,800 --> 00:05:59,600 - A SCHOOL NURSE? 144 00:05:59,600 --> 00:06:01,467 AM I REALLY QUALIFIED FOR THAT? 145 00:06:01,467 --> 00:06:03,733 - NO, BUT YOU DON'T HAVE TO HAVE ANY EXPERIENCE, 146 00:06:03,733 --> 00:06:05,733 OR TO PASS ANY COMPETENCY TESTS. 147 00:06:05,733 --> 00:06:07,700 HECK, OUR LAST NURSE WAS CERTIFIABLE... 148 00:06:07,700 --> 00:06:10,667 IN CPR, BUT SHE WAS ALSO KOO KOO KACHOO. 149 00:06:10,667 --> 00:06:13,367 I MEAN, SHE HAD A WALRUS FACE. - HUH. 150 00:06:13,367 --> 00:06:14,900 - ONE LAST QUESTION. 151 00:06:14,900 --> 00:06:16,633 DO YOU HAVE ANY PROBLEMS WITH NEPOTISM? 152 00:06:16,633 --> 00:06:18,667 - DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT THAT IS! 153 00:06:18,667 --> 00:06:20,200 - YOU'RE HIRED. 154 00:06:20,200 --> 00:06:21,600 - I'M A NURSE! 155 00:06:21,600 --> 00:06:25,067 AND, I ALREADY OWN A NURSE'S OUTFIT. 156 00:06:25,067 --> 00:06:26,967 - OKAY, CROTCHLESS DOESN'T COUNT. 157 00:06:36,667 --> 00:06:39,900 - HEY, IS IT OKAY TO SIT HERE? 158 00:06:39,900 --> 00:06:42,933 - [clears throat] ABSOLUTELY. 159 00:06:42,933 --> 00:06:45,300 IS DEVON GONNA BE OKAY WITH THAT? 160 00:06:45,300 --> 00:06:46,533 - YEAH. 161 00:06:46,533 --> 00:06:50,700 SHE'S ACTUALLY OFF-CAMPUS AND... [phone chirps] 162 00:06:50,700 --> 00:06:53,467 TEXTING AS WE SPEAK. [sighs] 163 00:06:56,933 --> 00:06:59,067 - IS EVERYTHING OKAY? - EVERYTHING IS FINE. 164 00:06:59,067 --> 00:07:00,933 - DO YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT? - I THINK THAT MIGHT BE 165 00:07:00,933 --> 00:07:02,533 A LITTLE WEIRD, YOU KNOW? CONSIDERING? 166 00:07:02,533 --> 00:07:03,567 - WE DON'T HAVE TO TALK ABOUT IT. 167 00:07:03,567 --> 00:07:05,200 - GOOD. - GREAT. 168 00:07:05,200 --> 00:07:06,267 - OKAY, SO HERE'S THE DEAL. 169 00:07:06,267 --> 00:07:07,900 DEVON WAS TOTALLY COOL ABOUT 170 00:07:07,900 --> 00:07:10,667 YOU AND OUR...HISTORY. I MEAN, SHE COMPLETELY 171 00:07:10,667 --> 00:07:11,933 ENCOURAGED ME TO STAY YOUR FRIEND. 172 00:07:11,933 --> 00:07:14,100 - WOW, SHE'S PERFECT. 173 00:07:14,100 --> 00:07:17,267 - THAT IS WHAT I THOUGHT, UNTIL SHE COMPLETELY FREAKED 174 00:07:17,267 --> 00:07:18,833 ON ME LAST NIGHT WHEN I WENT TO PICK YOU UP. 175 00:07:18,833 --> 00:07:19,933 - WELL, SHE'S HUMAN. 176 00:07:19,933 --> 00:07:22,867 WAIT, YOU LEFT HER TO PICK UP ME? 177 00:07:22,867 --> 00:07:24,367 - THAT IS BESIDES THE POINT. 178 00:07:24,367 --> 00:07:27,367 THE POINT IS THAT SHE HASN'T STOPPED YELLING AT ME OVER TEXT. 179 00:07:27,367 --> 00:07:28,467 - IS IT ALL IN CAPS? 180 00:07:28,467 --> 00:07:29,967 - HALF AND HALF. - THEN YOU'RE GOOD. 181 00:07:29,967 --> 00:07:31,433 SHE'S JUST VENTING. - BUT NOW I AM-- 182 00:07:31,433 --> 00:07:33,500 I AM A LITTLE FREAKED OUT. 183 00:07:33,500 --> 00:07:34,800 I MEAN, I'VE HAD ENOUGH DRAMA, 184 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,467 SO I THINK I MIGHT NEED TO TAKE A BREAK OR SOMETHING. 185 00:07:40,233 --> 00:07:42,567 WHAT DO YOU THINK? - IT WAS A LOADED QUESTION. 186 00:07:42,567 --> 00:07:45,067 SELFISHLY, I WANTED HIM TO TAKE A BREAK 187 00:07:45,067 --> 00:07:47,067 AND SPEND HIS FREE TIME WITH ME. 188 00:07:47,067 --> 00:07:49,767 BUT, IT WAS TIME TO STOP BEING SELFISH. 189 00:07:49,767 --> 00:07:52,500 I THINK YOU SHOULD TAKE A BEAT AND LET HER CALM DOWN. 190 00:07:52,500 --> 00:07:54,333 IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE WHY SHE'S UPSET. 191 00:07:54,333 --> 00:07:56,667 I WOULD BE TOO. 192 00:07:56,667 --> 00:07:57,900 - YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. 193 00:07:57,900 --> 00:08:00,367 - NOW, CAN I GET YOUR OPINION ON SOMETHING? 194 00:08:00,367 --> 00:08:02,633 - SURE. - DURING MY SANITY SABBATICAL, 195 00:08:02,633 --> 00:08:06,067 I WROTE A MEAN ARTICLE ABOUT VAL FOR THE LIT MAGAZINE, 196 00:08:06,067 --> 00:08:07,600 AND IT CAME OUT TODAY. 197 00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:08,967 - HEY, MAYBE IT'S NOT AS BAD AS YOU THINK. 198 00:08:08,967 --> 00:08:12,067 LET ME TAKE A LOOK. 199 00:08:12,067 --> 00:08:14,367 - THE LOWERCASE "T"s ARE GLUTEN FREE, 'CAUSE I CARE ABOUT 200 00:08:14,367 --> 00:08:16,633 THE DIGESTIVE REQUIREMENTS OF ALL STUDENTS. 201 00:08:16,633 --> 00:08:18,300 VOTE FOR TAMARA! 202 00:08:18,300 --> 00:08:21,633 [fanfare music] - MY FELLOW TITANS, 203 00:08:21,633 --> 00:08:24,533 VOTE FOR JAKE! [cheers and applause] 204 00:08:24,533 --> 00:08:27,333 [laughs] ALL RIGHT! 205 00:08:27,333 --> 00:08:29,067 [cheering] 206 00:08:29,067 --> 00:08:31,900 - MING! YOU FORGOT TO "ASIACATE" THE MAFIA ABOUT THE GAME CHANGE! 207 00:08:31,900 --> 00:08:34,767 - DUDE! TAKE OFF THE SHIRT. 208 00:08:34,767 --> 00:08:36,700 - UNH! 209 00:08:36,700 --> 00:08:39,233 [grunts] [groans] 210 00:08:40,667 --> 00:08:42,300 MM! - VOTE FOR TAMARA, OKAY? 211 00:08:42,300 --> 00:08:43,567 - [mumbles] - GOT IT? 212 00:08:43,567 --> 00:08:44,900 [distant cheering] 213 00:08:44,900 --> 00:08:46,067 POINT THOSE CRAZY EYES SOMEWHERE ELSE. 214 00:08:46,067 --> 00:08:48,467 I'LL FIX IT! 215 00:08:48,467 --> 00:08:50,967 - SADIE, I NEED YOUR HELP. - SKIDDADS, NANCY PE-LOSER. 216 00:08:50,967 --> 00:08:52,200 I'M MAKING A DEAL WITH URBAN OUTFITTERS. 217 00:08:52,200 --> 00:08:54,467 TEN TIMES WHAT I GOT FOR THE BANANA SLICER. 218 00:08:54,467 --> 00:08:56,067 - BUT I NEED YOUR VIRTUAL SUPPORT, 219 00:08:56,067 --> 00:08:57,267 AND SINCE YOU'RE MY CHEER-SISTER, 220 00:08:57,267 --> 00:08:59,400 YOU HAVE TO GIVE IT TO ME! 221 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:02,600 - YOU WANNA SETTLE, CRAYZILLA? 222 00:09:02,600 --> 00:09:04,067 - SETTLING. 223 00:09:04,067 --> 00:09:05,433 I KNOW YOU'VE GOT THOUSANDS OF FOLLOWERS, 224 00:09:05,433 --> 00:09:07,500 AND EVEN IF ONLY A FEW OF THEM GO TO THIS SCHOOL, 225 00:09:07,500 --> 00:09:08,700 IT COULD TOTES ROCK MY VOTE. 226 00:09:08,700 --> 00:09:10,800 SO, IF YOU COULD JUST TWEET ABOUT ME, 227 00:09:10,800 --> 00:09:12,067 MAYBE USE ONE OF MY SLOGANS, 228 00:09:12,067 --> 00:09:13,867 OR POST A PIC OF US IN OUR CHEER GEAR? 229 00:09:13,867 --> 00:09:16,533 - MY FOLLOWERS LOOK TO MY FEED FOR OPINIONS DELIVERED CRUELLY, 230 00:09:16,533 --> 00:09:18,600 SANS COUCHING, IN UNDER 140 CHARACTERS. 231 00:09:18,600 --> 00:09:21,533 IT'S NOT ABOUT PROMOTING YOU OR ANYONE ELSE. 232 00:09:21,533 --> 00:09:24,300 THAT SAID, IF YOU'D LIKE TO BE A PAID SPONSOR-- 233 00:09:24,300 --> 00:09:25,367 - YES! HOW MUCH? 234 00:09:25,367 --> 00:09:26,533 - I'LL GIVE YOU THE BANANA SLICER RATE. 235 00:09:26,533 --> 00:09:28,133 500. 236 00:09:28,133 --> 00:09:29,767 - I DON'T HAVE THAT KIND OF MONEY. 237 00:09:29,767 --> 00:09:32,733 - WELL, THEN, I GUESS I CAN'T HELP YOU. 238 00:09:32,733 --> 00:09:34,800 WHICH WORKS OUT, BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO. 239 00:09:38,300 --> 00:09:39,667 - HMM. 240 00:09:39,667 --> 00:09:41,700 THESE COOKIES TASTE LIKE DEFEAT. 241 00:09:41,700 --> 00:09:43,633 - SO DOES MY FIST. 242 00:09:45,167 --> 00:09:47,267 - OKAY! NEW MANDATE. 243 00:09:47,267 --> 00:09:48,733 WE'RE PUTTING OUR SUPPORT BEHIND TAMARA NOW. 244 00:09:48,733 --> 00:09:50,367 - YOU'RE FLIP-FLOPPING. - SO? 245 00:09:50,367 --> 00:09:52,067 THE CIRCUMSTANCES WERE BEYOND MY CONTROL. 246 00:09:52,067 --> 00:09:54,067 - CLEARLY. 247 00:09:54,067 --> 00:09:56,533 - NOW, I WANT T-SHIRTS, 248 00:09:56,533 --> 00:09:59,067 CUPCAKES WITH TAMARA'S FACE ON THEM WITH LEOPARD PRINT ICING. 249 00:09:59,067 --> 00:10:00,467 FIGURE OUT HOW TO DO THAT. 250 00:10:00,467 --> 00:10:02,200 AND WHO DO WE KNOW WHO'S A SKYWRITER? 251 00:10:02,200 --> 00:10:03,533 - I'M GONNA STOP YOU RIGHT THERE. 252 00:10:03,533 --> 00:10:05,300 WE'RE NOT DOING ANY OF THAT. 253 00:10:05,300 --> 00:10:06,600 - [mocking voice] UM, YES, YOU ARE. 254 00:10:06,600 --> 00:10:08,033 - YOU STILL DON'T KNOW HOW THIS WORKS. 255 00:10:08,033 --> 00:10:09,567 - PLEASE. AS HEAD OF THE ASIAN MAF-- 256 00:10:09,567 --> 00:10:11,933 - THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT. 257 00:10:14,100 --> 00:10:16,133 WE NEVER SAY THOSE WORDS ALOUD. 258 00:10:16,133 --> 00:10:18,300 WE'RE SUPPOSED TO BE HIDING IN THE SHADOWS. 259 00:10:18,300 --> 00:10:20,467 TAKING DOWN POSTERS IN THE DEAD OF NIGHT, 260 00:10:20,467 --> 00:10:21,900 THAT'S THE KIND OF THING WE DO. 261 00:10:21,900 --> 00:10:23,500 AND WHAT'S UP WITH THE CHEAT SHEETS? 262 00:10:23,500 --> 00:10:24,567 I'M GETTING "C"s. 263 00:10:24,567 --> 00:10:26,433 - WHAT? - YEAH. 264 00:10:26,433 --> 00:10:27,567 AND HAVE YOU SEEN OUR LEDGER? 265 00:10:27,567 --> 00:10:29,567 IT GOT PUKED ON AT A RAVE. 266 00:10:29,567 --> 00:10:30,900 - THE ACCOUNTANT WENT TO A RAVE? 267 00:10:30,900 --> 00:10:32,367 - YOU NEED TO GET THAT KID UNDER CONTROL. 268 00:10:32,367 --> 00:10:34,667 - AND YOU NEED TO LOSE THE 'TUDE, 269 00:10:34,667 --> 00:10:36,600 AND THE JAKE SHIRTS. - AND WEAR WHAT? 270 00:10:36,600 --> 00:10:38,533 - DO I HAVE TO FIGURE EVERYTHING OUT FOR YOU? 271 00:10:40,567 --> 00:10:42,500 YOU CAN GO NOW. 272 00:10:45,367 --> 00:10:46,433 - WOW! 273 00:10:46,433 --> 00:10:49,200 - IT'S BAD. - YES. 274 00:10:49,200 --> 00:10:51,700 BUT DON'T WORRY, PEOPLE ONLY READ THE EXPERIOR 275 00:10:51,700 --> 00:10:52,833 FOR THE SEX STORIES. 276 00:10:52,833 --> 00:10:54,633 NOBODY'S GONNA BOTHER WITH YOUR ESSAY. 277 00:10:54,633 --> 00:10:55,900 - AS MUCH AS IT PAINS ME TO SAY, 278 00:10:55,900 --> 00:10:58,567 YOUR ESSAY IS AWESOME! 279 00:10:58,567 --> 00:11:00,067 I AM IMPRESSED. 280 00:11:00,067 --> 00:11:02,133 IT IS WAY MORE BARBARIC THAN ANYTHING 281 00:11:02,133 --> 00:11:03,267 I COULD HAVE WRITTEN. 282 00:11:03,267 --> 00:11:05,067 - UNFORTUNATELY, MATTY WAS WRONG. 283 00:11:05,067 --> 00:11:07,067 PEOPLE WERE READING MY ATTACK AD, 284 00:11:07,067 --> 00:11:10,967 AND WORSE, THEY WERE BELIEVING IT. 285 00:11:13,433 --> 00:11:16,567 [bell rings] 286 00:11:16,567 --> 00:11:18,400 - HEY, WHAT'S UP? 287 00:11:18,400 --> 00:11:20,667 WHY ARE YOU GIVING ME THE COLD SHOULDER? 288 00:11:20,667 --> 00:11:22,200 - ARE YOU KIDDING ME? 289 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:23,800 - I'M REALLY SORRY I DIDN'T TAKE YOU HOME LAST NIGHT. 290 00:11:23,800 --> 00:11:25,867 IF IT'S ANY CONSOLATION, I ENDED UP GETTING A CAB. 291 00:11:25,867 --> 00:11:27,200 - THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SORRY? 292 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,800 - * SWING FOR ME CHILD - IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE 293 00:11:28,800 --> 00:11:29,967 I SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING FOR? - *SWING FOR A WHILE * 294 00:11:29,967 --> 00:11:31,067 - OH, I DON'T KNOW. 295 00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:32,800 LETTING YOUR EX SLIP ME "X," 296 00:11:32,800 --> 00:11:34,400 MAKING OUT WITH HER RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE-- 297 00:11:34,400 --> 00:11:36,433 I MEAN, RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY FACE-- 298 00:11:36,433 --> 00:11:38,900 TRYING TO LURE ME INTO A THREESOME? 299 00:11:38,900 --> 00:11:40,700 - I THOUGHT YOU'D BE COOL WITH IT. 300 00:11:40,700 --> 00:11:43,067 - NO. NOT COOL. 301 00:11:43,067 --> 00:11:46,267 - DID YOU SLEEP WITH ANGELIQUE? 302 00:11:48,400 --> 00:11:50,100 HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN SLEEPING WITH HER? 303 00:11:50,100 --> 00:11:52,067 - * YOU AND I WILL BECOME ONE 304 00:11:52,067 --> 00:11:54,367 - [sighs] - YOU NEVER STOPPED. 305 00:11:54,367 --> 00:11:56,367 - I'M SORRY. 306 00:11:56,367 --> 00:11:58,633 I THOUGHT WE WERE ON THE SAME PAGE. 307 00:11:58,633 --> 00:12:00,633 - SO DID I. 308 00:12:00,633 --> 00:12:01,733 - LOOK, I'M PRETTY SURE I WAS CLEAR 309 00:12:01,733 --> 00:12:03,167 ABOUT NOT WANTING A GIRLFRIEND RIGHT NOW. 310 00:12:03,167 --> 00:12:04,600 - IF YOU WERE CLEAR, THEN I AM DEAF. 311 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:05,700 - HEY, IF YOU BROUGHT THIS UP TO ME 312 00:12:05,700 --> 00:12:06,933 AT ANY POINT IN THE RELATIONSHIP-- 313 00:12:06,933 --> 00:12:08,567 - SO NOW IT'S A RELATIONSHIP? - YEAH. 314 00:12:08,567 --> 00:12:12,067 A RELATIONSHIP THAT WAS NEVER EXCLUSIVE. 315 00:12:12,067 --> 00:12:14,867 - I RUINED FRIENDSHIPS BECAUSE OF YOU, 316 00:12:14,867 --> 00:12:18,133 ALIENATED MY PARENTS, PUBLICLY EVISCERATED VALERIE-- 317 00:12:18,133 --> 00:12:20,467 - STOP! THOSE WERE ALL YOUR DECISIONS. 318 00:12:20,467 --> 00:12:22,500 THAT'S ALL ON YOU, JENNA. 319 00:12:22,500 --> 00:12:25,433 - YOU'RE RIGHT. 320 00:12:25,433 --> 00:12:28,567 AND BEING AN ASS[bleep] IS ALL ON YOU. 321 00:12:28,567 --> 00:12:30,133 BUT I WAS A BIGGER ONE. 322 00:12:30,133 --> 00:12:32,833 AS MUCH AS I WANTED TO BLAME COLLIN, OR THE POT, 323 00:12:32,833 --> 00:12:34,600 OR MY EVIL TWIN FOR CORRUPTING ME, 324 00:12:34,600 --> 00:12:37,767 I WAS A WILLING PARTICIPANT IN MY DESCENT INTO DARKNESS. 325 00:12:37,767 --> 00:12:40,200 * 326 00:12:40,200 --> 00:12:43,633 AND I'D PULLED VAL DOWN WITH ME. 327 00:12:43,633 --> 00:12:45,767 - THAT BRINGS ME TO PROPOSAL NUMBER 20, 328 00:12:45,767 --> 00:12:47,100 LOCKER SWAP. 329 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:49,467 MANY OF YOU SUFFER FROM L.P.S.D., 330 00:12:49,467 --> 00:12:51,700 LOCKER PLACEMENT STRESS DISORDER, 331 00:12:51,700 --> 00:12:53,567 BECAUSE YOUR LOCKER IS NEAR AN EX'S, 332 00:12:53,567 --> 00:12:56,600 OR SOME CREEPY GUY WHO LEAVES YOU GROSS NOTES. 333 00:12:56,600 --> 00:12:58,500 WITH LOCKER SWAP, YOU CAN TRADE LOCKERS 334 00:12:58,500 --> 00:13:00,133 WITH SOMEONE IN A DIFFERENT HALL. 335 00:13:00,133 --> 00:13:02,833 IT'S LIKE ONLINE DATING, BUT FOR LOCKERS. 336 00:13:02,833 --> 00:13:05,633 IN CONCLUSION, IT'S TIME FOR A CHANGE. 337 00:13:05,633 --> 00:13:06,900 VOTE FOR ME. 338 00:13:06,900 --> 00:13:09,633 MAKE PALOS HILLS TAMARA-LAND. 339 00:13:09,633 --> 00:13:13,200 [cheers and applause] 340 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,633 - WHOO WHOO WHOO WHOO! [cheers and applause] 341 00:13:17,633 --> 00:13:20,900 - AND NOW, WE'LL HEAR FROM OUR NEXT CANDIDATE, 342 00:13:20,900 --> 00:13:23,800 JAKE ROSATI! [cheers and applause] 343 00:13:23,800 --> 00:13:25,700 - HELLO. 344 00:13:25,700 --> 00:13:27,367 - WHOO, WHOO, WHOO! 345 00:13:27,367 --> 00:13:29,667 - YEAH, JAKE! - YOU GOT IT! 346 00:13:29,667 --> 00:13:32,767 - I KNOW WHAT BEING A.S.B. PRESIDENT ENTAILS. 347 00:13:32,767 --> 00:13:35,633 MY OPPONENT, UNPROVEN. 348 00:13:35,633 --> 00:13:39,233 YOU'VE TRUSTED ME FOR THREE CONSECUTIVE YEARS, 349 00:13:39,233 --> 00:13:41,900 BUT CAN YOU TRUST MY OPPONENT? 350 00:13:41,900 --> 00:13:43,967 WELL, THAT DEPENDS. 351 00:13:47,233 --> 00:13:51,867 CAN YOU TRUST SOMEONE WHO SOMETIMES PRETENDS TO BE 352 00:13:51,867 --> 00:13:53,767 ON HER PERIOD... - OH! 353 00:13:53,767 --> 00:13:56,067 - TO GET OUT OF GYM? [crowd murmurs] 354 00:13:56,067 --> 00:13:57,500 SORRY, GUYS. 355 00:13:57,500 --> 00:14:01,433 WITH ME, WHAT YOU SEE IS WHAT YOU GET. 356 00:14:01,433 --> 00:14:04,200 MY OPPONENT? 357 00:14:04,200 --> 00:14:05,833 IT'S NOT EVEN HER REAL HAIR COLOR 358 00:14:05,833 --> 00:14:07,067 OR HER REAL EYELASHES. 359 00:14:07,067 --> 00:14:08,200 [laughter] - OH! IT'S LATISSE! 360 00:14:08,200 --> 00:14:11,200 THEY GROW REALLY LONG. - CAN I FINISH? 361 00:14:11,200 --> 00:14:14,500 HONEST, REAL HAIR COLOR. 362 00:14:14,500 --> 00:14:16,367 I THINK THE CHOICE IS CLEAR, HUH? 363 00:14:16,367 --> 00:14:18,933 [cheers and applause] 364 00:14:18,933 --> 00:14:20,633 - YOU WANT TO PLAY DIRTY? 365 00:14:20,633 --> 00:14:21,967 LET'S DO THIS. 366 00:14:21,967 --> 00:14:24,067 THE ONLY REASON PROM TICKETS AREN'T SOLD OUT YET 367 00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:25,267 IS BECAUSE EVERYBODY THINKS 368 00:14:25,267 --> 00:14:27,933 "BARACK O-PROM-A" 369 00:14:27,933 --> 00:14:29,067 IS A LAME THEME. [laughter] 370 00:14:29,067 --> 00:14:30,700 - MISS KAPLAN, THIS IS NOT A DEBATE. 371 00:14:30,700 --> 00:14:32,233 MR. ROSATI, DON'T RESPOND TO THAT. 372 00:14:32,233 --> 00:14:34,567 THIS IS A FORUM WHERE PEOPLE CAN JUST SPEAK-- 373 00:14:34,567 --> 00:14:35,833 - PLEASE. 374 00:14:35,833 --> 00:14:37,867 IF IT WASN'T FOR ME, 375 00:14:37,867 --> 00:14:39,967 THAT WATER FOUNTAIN OUTSIDE THE CAFETERIA 376 00:14:39,967 --> 00:14:41,467 WOULD HAVE NEVER BEEN FIXED. 377 00:14:41,467 --> 00:14:43,067 - NO ONE CARES ABOUT THAT DRINKING FOUNTAIN. 378 00:14:43,067 --> 00:14:46,067 WITH MY SODA MACHINE INITIATIVE, IT WILL BE TOTALLY OBSOLETE. 379 00:14:46,067 --> 00:14:49,400 [cheers and applause] 380 00:14:49,400 --> 00:14:51,767 INSTEAD OF FOCUSING ON THE PAST, 381 00:14:51,767 --> 00:14:54,200 WE SHOULD BE THINKING ABOUT "TAMARA"! 382 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:56,567 - GIVE IT A REST. WE GOT THE REFERENCE THE FIRST, 383 00:14:56,567 --> 00:14:58,267 SECOND, AND TWENTIETH TIME THAT YOU USED IT. 384 00:14:58,267 --> 00:15:00,633 [crowd oohs] - AT LEAST I HAVE A SLOGAN. 385 00:15:00,633 --> 00:15:02,300 - BUT HOW DO YOU EXPECT US TO TAKE YOU SERIOUSLY 386 00:15:02,300 --> 00:15:03,900 WHEN IT'S WRITTEN IN GLITTER PEN? 387 00:15:03,900 --> 00:15:06,167 [laughter] - IT ADDS PIZAZZLE, 388 00:15:06,167 --> 00:15:08,267 WHICH IS WHAT I PLAN TO DO IN OFFICE. 389 00:15:08,267 --> 00:15:11,333 I HAVE AN ENDLESS SUPPLY OF BRILLS IDEAS. 390 00:15:11,333 --> 00:15:12,700 - LIKE HIRING A DJ FOR PICTURE DAY. 391 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:13,900 - WHAT'S WRONG WITH THAT? 392 00:15:13,900 --> 00:15:15,267 - THERE'S NO NEED TO CHANGE PICTURE DAY. 393 00:15:15,267 --> 00:15:18,767 PICTURE DAY WAS JUST FINE ON HIS OWN. 394 00:15:18,767 --> 00:15:21,633 LIKE THIS CAMPAIGN, IT DOESN'T NEED YOU. 395 00:15:21,633 --> 00:15:22,933 - [gasps] YOU THINK YOU CAN JUST 396 00:15:22,933 --> 00:15:25,867 SHOW UP ON PICTURE DAY AND PUT IN NO EFFORT 397 00:15:25,867 --> 00:15:27,200 UNTIL THE LAST MINUTE? 398 00:15:27,200 --> 00:15:30,433 PICTURE DAY IS SPECIAL. DON'T TAKE IT FOR GRANTED. 399 00:15:30,433 --> 00:15:32,667 - DON'T YOU HAVE PLENTY OF OTHER THINGS TO WORRY ABOUT 400 00:15:32,667 --> 00:15:34,767 INSTEAD OF MEDDLING IN PICTURE DAY? 401 00:15:34,767 --> 00:15:36,133 - WELL SOMEBODY HAD TO MEDDLE IN IT, 402 00:15:36,133 --> 00:15:38,467 BECAUSE PICTURE DAY WAS PHONIN' IT IN. 403 00:15:38,467 --> 00:15:41,600 - PERSONALLY, I'M JUST GLAD I'M NOT THE TYPE OF LEADER 404 00:15:41,600 --> 00:15:43,333 WHO FEELS THE NEED TO PROVE A POINT. 405 00:15:43,333 --> 00:15:45,867 - AND I'M GLAD I'M NOT THE TYPE OF LEADER THAT THINKS EVERYTHING 406 00:15:45,867 --> 00:15:48,467 WILL JUST BE HANDED TO THEM BECAUSE OF THEIR POPULARITY. 407 00:15:48,467 --> 00:15:50,400 [cheers and applause] - THIS GUERILLA DEBATE IS OVER! 408 00:15:50,400 --> 00:15:53,100 MS. MARKS, I NEED TO SEE YOU IN MY OFFICE. 409 00:15:53,100 --> 00:15:56,933 - OH, YEAH, I KNOW, CELL PHONES ARE VERBOTEN IN AUDITORIUM. 410 00:15:56,933 --> 00:15:59,100 IT WAS AN EMERGENCY. 411 00:15:59,100 --> 00:16:00,233 MY KITTIES. 412 00:16:00,233 --> 00:16:01,967 - MY OFFICE, NOW! 413 00:16:01,967 --> 00:16:03,467 - I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE TO GIVE MY SPEECH. 414 00:16:03,467 --> 00:16:05,867 - UGH, YOU WERE NEVER GONNA WIN. 415 00:16:05,867 --> 00:16:09,167 THE SPEECHES ARE OVER. GET BACK TO CLASS. 416 00:16:09,167 --> 00:16:10,467 DON'T MAKE ME KEEP SAYING IT. 417 00:16:10,467 --> 00:16:12,500 I'VE SAID IT, LIKE, 40 TIMES! 418 00:16:12,500 --> 00:16:15,133 - IF OUR BODIES WERE 70% WATER, 419 00:16:15,133 --> 00:16:17,400 I WAS PROBABLY DOWN TO ABOUT 4%, 420 00:16:17,400 --> 00:16:20,333 WHICH MEANT IT WAS TIME TO FACE VALERIE. 421 00:16:20,333 --> 00:16:22,367 IF ONLY I'D HAD A SPEECH WRITER TO HELP ME FIND 422 00:16:22,367 --> 00:16:23,933 THE RIGHT WORDS TO SAY. 423 00:16:23,933 --> 00:16:25,367 BUT I COULDN'T HELP BUT FEEL... 424 00:16:25,367 --> 00:16:27,067 - * THE MEMORIES SLIDE - THERE WEREN'T ANY RIGHT WORDS. 425 00:16:27,067 --> 00:16:28,867 [knock at door] - WRAP IT UP! 426 00:16:28,867 --> 00:16:30,700 I NEED MY FAVORITE STALL FOR A TINK AND THINK. 427 00:16:30,700 --> 00:16:34,067 - * AGAINST MY MIND 428 00:16:34,067 --> 00:16:36,400 - I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS YOU. 429 00:16:36,400 --> 00:16:38,133 - HOW DID YOUR SPEECH GO? 430 00:16:38,133 --> 00:16:40,667 - IT WAS OKAY. 431 00:16:40,667 --> 00:16:42,567 IT WASN'T OKAY. IT SUCKED. 432 00:16:42,567 --> 00:16:44,500 - * YOUR ARMS CROSSED TO THE CEILINGS * 433 00:16:44,500 --> 00:16:46,433 * WHEN THE ALIENS CAME - IT WAS A BOLD MOVE, 434 00:16:46,433 --> 00:16:47,700 BUT I COULDN'T HELP MYSELF. 435 00:16:47,700 --> 00:16:49,333 I NEEDED THAT HUG. 436 00:16:49,333 --> 00:16:52,267 THE SMELL OF HER HAIR, AND THE FEEL OF HER EARRING ON MY CHEEK 437 00:16:52,267 --> 00:16:54,300 REMINDED ME OF THE BEST OF TIMES. 438 00:16:54,300 --> 00:16:55,800 TIMES I WANTED BACK. 439 00:16:55,800 --> 00:16:57,700 OUR HUGS WERE LIKE AN OLD SWEATER, 440 00:16:57,700 --> 00:16:59,533 THE KIND YOU... 441 00:16:59,533 --> 00:17:01,867 CRAM IN A SHRINK BAG. - HAVE YOU SEEN MING? 442 00:17:01,867 --> 00:17:05,100 I COULD REALLY USE A FRIEND RIGHT NOW. 443 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:07,400 - UM, NO. 444 00:17:07,400 --> 00:17:09,433 - WELL, IF YOU DO, TELL HER TO COME FIND ME. 445 00:17:09,433 --> 00:17:12,767 - * WAKE ME UP AFTER MIDNIGHT 446 00:17:12,767 --> 00:17:16,900 * WITH YOUR ATLAS EYES 447 00:17:16,900 --> 00:17:18,233 *YOUR ATLAS EYES * 448 00:17:18,233 --> 00:17:20,500 - WHERE'S VALERIE? I REALLY NEED TO TALK TO HER. 449 00:17:20,500 --> 00:17:22,200 - AND WHAT'S THERE TO TALK ABOUT? 450 00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,800 I'D IMAGINE YOU'VE SAID ALL YOU NEEDED TO SAY. 451 00:17:24,800 --> 00:17:26,067 - WHAT'S GOING ON? 452 00:17:26,067 --> 00:17:28,433 - MS. MARKS IS ON AN INDEFINITE SUSPENSION. 453 00:17:28,433 --> 00:17:30,933 I ALWAYS KNEW SHE WAS A FEW KNIGHTS SHORT OF A CRUSADE, 454 00:17:30,933 --> 00:17:32,867 BUT I HAD NO IDEA SHE WAS THAT CRAZY. 455 00:17:36,700 --> 00:17:37,833 - YOU KILLED IT. 456 00:17:37,833 --> 00:17:40,133 - THANKS, AND THANKS FOR VOTING FOR ME. 457 00:17:40,133 --> 00:17:43,733 BYE. [both screaming, laughing] 458 00:17:43,733 --> 00:17:47,467 - NICE JOB, MADAME PRESIDENT. - LOOK AT US. 459 00:17:47,467 --> 00:17:50,167 THE TWO MOST POWERFUL PEOPLE AT PALOS HILLS. 460 00:17:50,167 --> 00:17:51,400 - YEAH. - THANKS FOR YOUR HELP. 461 00:17:51,400 --> 00:17:53,200 I COULDN'T HAVE DONE IT WITHOUT THE ASIAN MAFIA. 462 00:17:53,200 --> 00:17:56,367 - ABOUT THAT--I'M NOT SURE THEY VOTED FOR YOU. 463 00:17:56,367 --> 00:17:59,067 I MEAN, YOU WON, SO THEY MUST HAVE. 464 00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:01,100 WHY WOULDN'T THEY? NO, THEY DID. [laughs] 465 00:18:01,100 --> 00:18:02,800 I DON'T KNOW. 466 00:18:02,800 --> 00:18:04,333 - THAT WAS SO SEXY. 467 00:18:04,333 --> 00:18:06,333 WE HAVE TO ROLE-PLAY AGAIN LIKE THAT SOMETIME. 468 00:18:06,333 --> 00:18:09,267 - THAT'S MY CUE. 469 00:18:09,267 --> 00:18:10,867 - WHAT'S WRONG? 470 00:18:10,867 --> 00:18:12,067 - ARE YOU FOR REAL? 471 00:18:12,067 --> 00:18:14,233 A.S.B. PRESIDENT WAS MY THING, 472 00:18:14,233 --> 00:18:16,533 SO YOU TOOK IT FROM ME JUST FOR THE HELL OF IT, 473 00:18:16,533 --> 00:18:17,800 AND IT MEANS NOTHING TO YOU. 474 00:18:17,800 --> 00:18:19,533 - WELL, IT SURE SEEMED LIKE IT MEANT NOTHING TO YOU. 475 00:18:19,533 --> 00:18:20,867 YOU DIDN'T EVEN WANT TO WORK FOR IT. 476 00:18:20,867 --> 00:18:22,333 I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU'RE SO MAD. 477 00:18:22,333 --> 00:18:24,067 - YOU'RE MY GIRLFRIEND! 478 00:18:24,067 --> 00:18:26,100 WHAT IF I WANTED TO BE A CHEERLEADER? 479 00:18:26,100 --> 00:18:27,467 - I'D LOVE THAT! 480 00:18:27,467 --> 00:18:29,300 CAMP WOULD BE A BLAST! 481 00:18:29,300 --> 00:18:30,600 - WHAT IF I TOOK YOUR SPOT? 482 00:18:30,600 --> 00:18:32,133 THE ONLY SPOT LEFT ON THE TEAM? 483 00:18:32,133 --> 00:18:34,667 - I'D GO BACK TO BAND. - WHAT IF I LEARNED HOW TO PLAY 484 00:18:34,667 --> 00:18:36,667 THE CLARINET AND THEN TOOK THE LAST CHAIR? 485 00:18:36,667 --> 00:18:38,733 - I THINK ANYONE WHO WANTS TO JOIN BAND CAN JOIN BAND. 486 00:18:38,733 --> 00:18:40,067 - YOU DON'T GET IT. 487 00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:41,767 - I GET THAT SOMEONE'S BEING A SORE LOSER. 488 00:18:41,767 --> 00:18:44,200 - I'M NOT BEING A SORE LOSER. 489 00:18:44,200 --> 00:18:47,333 WHETHER OR NOT YOU THINK I WAS OVER IT, I WASN'T. 490 00:18:47,333 --> 00:18:50,333 I LOVED BEING PRESIDENT, AND YOU RUINED THAT FOR ME. 491 00:18:50,333 --> 00:18:53,067 YOU HAVE NO INTEREST IN THIS. YOU JUST HAD TO PROVE A POINT. 492 00:18:53,067 --> 00:18:56,700 YOU HAD TO PUT ME IN MY PLACE. 493 00:18:56,700 --> 00:18:58,900 WELL NOW I'M GONNA PUT YOU IN YOURS. 494 00:18:58,900 --> 00:19:01,467 WE'RE DONE. 495 00:19:01,467 --> 00:19:03,433 TAKE CARE. 496 00:19:17,967 --> 00:19:19,067 - I HAD BYPASSED DINNER, 497 00:19:19,067 --> 00:19:21,067 AND I WASN'T EVEN ON A HUNGER STRIKE. 498 00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:22,500 I WASN'T HUNGRY. 499 00:19:22,500 --> 00:19:25,667 ALL DAY, I HAD TRIED AND FAILED TO NAVIGATE MY WAY 500 00:19:25,667 --> 00:19:28,500 THROUGH THE POLITICS OF MY RELATIONSHIPS. 501 00:19:28,500 --> 00:19:30,333 IF ARISTOTLE'S THEORY WAS TRUE, 502 00:19:30,333 --> 00:19:32,633 AND MAN, BY NATURE, IS A POLITICAL ANIMAL, 503 00:19:32,633 --> 00:19:36,067 I WOULD ARGUE THAT I WAS A SITTING DUCK. 504 00:19:36,067 --> 00:19:39,067 THERE WAS NO POINT IN TRYING TO RIGHT MY WRONGS ANYMORE. 505 00:19:39,067 --> 00:19:40,200 I HAD GONE TOO FAR, 506 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:43,467 AND THERE WAS ONLY ONE ACTION LEFT TO TAKE-- 507 00:19:43,467 --> 00:19:45,367 QUIT MY CAMPAIGN IN DISGRACE. 508 00:19:45,367 --> 00:19:53,367 * 509 00:19:53,367 --> 00:19:56,400 - SOME SAY THAT ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS, 510 00:19:56,400 --> 00:20:01,233 BUT ACTIONS ARE TEMPORARY. WORDS ARE FOREVER. 511 00:20:01,233 --> 00:20:03,367 I REALIZED THAT I WAS MAKING THE MISTAKE 512 00:20:03,367 --> 00:20:06,033 OF PUTTING TOO MUCH IMPORTANCE ON ACTIONS, 513 00:20:06,033 --> 00:20:10,033 WHEN ULTIMATELY, WORDS WERE GOING TO PROVIDE MY REDEMPTION. 514 00:20:10,033 --> 00:20:12,300 SPECIFICALLY, TWO OF THEM. 515 00:20:12,300 --> 00:20:14,200 I'M SORRY. 516 00:20:14,200 --> 00:20:17,100 I'M SORRY. 517 00:20:17,100 --> 00:20:20,267 I'M SORRY. 518 00:20:20,267 --> 00:20:22,400 I'M SO SORRY, MOM. 519 00:20:22,400 --> 00:20:25,700 [sniffles] [both crying] 520 00:20:25,700 --> 00:20:29,467 ** 521 00:20:29,467 --> 00:20:31,400 I'M SORRY. 522 00:20:38,567 --> 00:20:39,600 - NEXT ON AWKWARD... - WHAT'S TONIGHT AT MATTY'S? 523 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,200 - THE SAINT MATTY'S PARTY, 524 00:20:41,200 --> 00:20:42,467 FOR SAINT PATTY'S DAY. - DEVON AND MATTY BROKE UP. 525 00:20:42,467 --> 00:20:44,000 - WHY? - APPARENTLY, SHE'S CONVINCED 526 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:45,400 HE'S NOT OVER YOU. 527 00:20:45,400 --> 00:20:46,467 - EVERYONE, THIS IS HUNTER. 528 00:20:46,467 --> 00:20:47,733 SHE'S A FORMER STUDENT OF MINE. 529 00:20:47,733 --> 00:20:49,900 - WHAT CAN I BRING TONIGHT? - JUST YOURSELF. 530 00:20:49,900 --> 00:20:51,667 - MATTY, THIS IS MY FRIEND, BAILEY. 531 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:53,633 - THANK YOU FOR COMING. 532 00:20:53,633 --> 00:20:55,567 COME FIND ME LATER. I WANT TO HANG OUT. 38940

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