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Would you like to inspect the original subtitles? These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,433 --> 00:00:04,767 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... - YOU'RE SUSPENDED. 2 00:00:04,767 --> 00:00:06,033 - YOU WILL ALL BE SUBMITTING AN ESSAY 3 00:00:06,033 --> 00:00:10,367 FOR THIS YEAR'S ISSUE-- "HEROES AND VILLAINS." 4 00:00:10,367 --> 00:00:11,467 - LET'S JUST GET OUT OF HERE. 5 00:00:11,467 --> 00:00:12,733 YOU'RE JUST MY GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, 6 00:00:12,733 --> 00:00:14,567 AND A SUCKY ONE AT THAT! 7 00:00:14,567 --> 00:00:17,100 IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO TAKE THAT BITCH DOWN. 8 00:00:19,900 --> 00:00:21,133 [bell ringing] 9 00:00:21,133 --> 00:00:23,400 - A PIECE OF WRITING WAS NEVER MORE PERFECT 10 00:00:23,400 --> 00:00:26,300 THAN IN THAT FLEETING MOMENT BETWEEN FINISHING IT AND HEARING 11 00:00:26,300 --> 00:00:28,333 SOMEONE ELSE'S OPINION. IN THAT MOMENT, 12 00:00:28,333 --> 00:00:32,400 MY VAL EXPOSE WAS STILL PURE, STILL POETRY, STILL-- 13 00:00:32,400 --> 00:00:34,200 - PASS. - WHAT? 14 00:00:34,200 --> 00:00:35,600 - I AM NOT GONNA PUBLISH THIS. 15 00:00:35,600 --> 00:00:37,500 -I COULDN'T LET MY "TELL ALL" BECOME A "TELL NONE." 16 00:00:37,500 --> 00:00:38,633 - THAT'S CENSORSHIP! 17 00:00:38,633 --> 00:00:40,367 - MAYBE, BUT THAT IS BULL[bleep], 18 00:00:40,367 --> 00:00:42,467 AND THE LITERARY MAGAZINE DOES NOT PRINT CRAP. 19 00:00:42,467 --> 00:00:43,633 - IT'S ALL TRUE. - MS. MARKS CALLED 20 00:00:43,633 --> 00:00:44,900 YOU FOR DATING ADVICE, 21 00:00:44,900 --> 00:00:46,833 SHE LISTED YOU AS HER PERSONAL EMERGENCY CONTACT, 22 00:00:46,833 --> 00:00:48,067 AND SHE MADE YOU TOUCH HER BREAST? 23 00:00:48,067 --> 00:00:49,267 - SHE THOUGHT SHE HAD A LUMP. 24 00:00:49,267 --> 00:00:51,667 - TROUBLING, BUT STILL "NO." 25 00:00:51,667 --> 00:00:54,067 YOU WASTED YOUR SUSPENSION PASSING THIS KIDNEY STONE, 26 00:00:54,067 --> 00:00:56,900 AND I'M NOT GONNA PRINT IT. - WHY? 27 00:00:56,900 --> 00:00:58,167 IS IT TOO LONG? - NOPE. 28 00:00:58,167 --> 00:00:59,300 - TOO SHORT? 29 00:00:59,300 --> 00:01:00,800 - NOPE. - BAD SPELLING? 30 00:01:00,800 --> 00:01:01,900 TYPOS? - ARE YOU STILL HERE? 31 00:01:01,900 --> 00:01:02,967 - I'M NOT LEAVING UNTIL 32 00:01:02,967 --> 00:01:06,700 YOU TELL ME WHY YOU WON'T PRINT IT. 33 00:01:06,700 --> 00:01:08,533 - BECAUSE IT'S CRUEL. - CRUEL? 34 00:01:08,533 --> 00:01:10,333 THE MAN HAD INVENTED THE CONCEPT. 35 00:01:10,333 --> 00:01:13,967 YOU TOLD ME TO WRITE THE TRUTH, AND THIS IS THE TRUTH. 36 00:01:13,967 --> 00:01:15,267 YOU HAVE TO PUT IT IN THE MAGAZINE. 37 00:01:15,267 --> 00:01:17,267 YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T CENSOR US. 38 00:01:17,267 --> 00:01:18,800 - WHAT IF SOMEONE WROTE A PIECE LIKE THIS 39 00:01:18,800 --> 00:01:20,533 ABOUT YOU, POINTING OUT ALL OF YOUR FLAWS? 40 00:01:20,533 --> 00:01:22,133 - IF IT WERE TRUE, THEN I'D DESERVE IT, 41 00:01:22,133 --> 00:01:24,067 JUST LIKE SHE DOES. 42 00:01:24,067 --> 00:01:26,233 - JENNA, WORDS HAVE POWER, 43 00:01:26,233 --> 00:01:29,600 AND THAT'S SOMETHING THAT ALL WRITERS NEED TO UNDERSTAND. 44 00:01:33,067 --> 00:01:37,600 THIS BOOK HAD A HUGE IMPACT ON MY JOURNEY AS A WRITER. 45 00:01:37,600 --> 00:01:40,167 MAYBE IT CAN DO THE SAME FOR YOU. 46 00:01:40,167 --> 00:01:41,800 - HART'S FAVORITE BOOK. 47 00:01:41,800 --> 00:01:43,533 I COULDN'T WAIT TO NOT READ IT. 48 00:01:43,533 --> 00:01:44,600 - AS FOR YOUR PIECE, 49 00:01:44,600 --> 00:01:45,700 I CANNOT STOP YOU FROM 50 00:01:45,700 --> 00:01:48,600 STILL-BIRTHING IT INTO THE WORLD. 51 00:01:48,600 --> 00:01:51,733 I JUST WANT YOU TO THINK IT OVER. 52 00:01:51,733 --> 00:01:53,067 - FINE. 53 00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:54,933 BUT I'M NOT GONNA CHANGE MY MIND. 54 00:01:56,800 --> 00:01:59,100 IT FELT GOOD TO DEFY AUTHORITY, 55 00:01:59,100 --> 00:02:02,300 AND I COULD STAND BY MY WORDS AND STILL LOOK VAL IN THE EYE... 56 00:02:05,733 --> 00:02:07,667 FOR A MOMENT. 57 00:02:11,133 --> 00:02:13,133 [Mideau's Feet to the Sun] 58 00:02:13,133 --> 00:02:14,867 * 59 00:02:14,867 --> 00:02:17,567 - JENNA, MY GIRL? 60 00:02:17,567 --> 00:02:20,067 CAN WE JUST THAW OUR SUSPENSION TENSION? 61 00:02:20,067 --> 00:02:23,400 WE BOTH SAID A LOT OF THINGS WE PROBABLY REGRET. 62 00:02:23,400 --> 00:02:24,867 MOSTLY YOU SAID THEM - I DON'T REGRET ANYTHING. 63 00:02:24,867 --> 00:02:27,200 - LIVE WITHOUT REGRET. THAT'S MY MOTTO TOO. 64 00:02:27,200 --> 00:02:29,533 LET'S JUST END THIS STRUGGLE WITH A SNUGGLE. 65 00:02:29,533 --> 00:02:31,533 - LET'S NOT. 66 00:02:31,533 --> 00:02:32,800 * 67 00:02:32,800 --> 00:02:34,633 - * I'LL TAKE THE ADVICE * 68 00:02:34,633 --> 00:02:36,133 - IT'S COOL. 69 00:02:36,133 --> 00:02:38,867 WE'RE STILL FRIENDS. FRIENDS FIGHT. 70 00:02:38,867 --> 00:02:40,767 IT'LL ONLY MAKE US STRONGER! 71 00:02:40,767 --> 00:02:42,133 - WANT STRONGER LEADERSHIP? 72 00:02:42,133 --> 00:02:43,400 DON'T BE A SUCKER. 73 00:02:43,400 --> 00:02:46,167 VOTE ABBY MARTIN FOR FRESHMAN TREASURER. 74 00:02:46,167 --> 00:02:47,900 - DO I HAVE FOOD IN MY BRACES? 75 00:02:47,900 --> 00:02:49,567 DOES MY BACKPACK HAVE WHEELS? 76 00:02:49,567 --> 00:02:51,867 DO I WONDER WHAT A PENIS FEELS LIKE? 77 00:02:51,867 --> 00:02:53,833 NO! WHY? 78 00:02:53,833 --> 00:02:55,500 'CAUSE I'M NOT A FREAKIN' FRESHMAN! 79 00:02:55,500 --> 00:02:58,067 - I'M SORRY. - YES, WE'LL TAKE SOME CANDY. 80 00:02:58,067 --> 00:02:59,367 GOOD LUCK. 81 00:02:59,367 --> 00:03:01,200 - [laughs] WELL PLAYED. 82 00:03:01,200 --> 00:03:03,967 - BUT THESE SWEETS ARE A SOUR REMINDER. 83 00:03:03,967 --> 00:03:06,733 A.S.B. ELECTIONS ARE NEXT WEEK, AND JAKE HAS DONE NOTHING FOR 84 00:03:06,733 --> 00:03:09,433 HIS PRESIDENTIAL CAMPAIGN. CAN YOU SECURE THE ASIAN VOTE? 85 00:03:09,433 --> 00:03:11,300 - OOH, ARE YOU JAKE'S CAMPAIGN MANAGER? 86 00:03:11,300 --> 00:03:14,300 - NO, I'M HIS LIFE MANAGER, WHICH INCLUDES HIS CAMPAIGN. 87 00:03:14,300 --> 00:03:17,100 IF HE'S GONNA WIN, HE HAS TO WAKE THE SLEEPING DRAGON. 88 00:03:17,100 --> 00:03:19,433 - DONE! I SAY, ASIANS DO. 89 00:03:19,433 --> 00:03:21,400 - CAN YOU HAVE THEM PUT A HIT OUT ON JENNA'S NEW PERSONALITY? 90 00:03:21,400 --> 00:03:23,700 - UGH, I JUST WISH SHE'D BE HERSELF. 91 00:03:23,700 --> 00:03:25,667 - BE "HERSELVES" IS MORE LIKE IT. 92 00:03:25,667 --> 00:03:27,267 MAYBE SHE'S HAVING A HARD TIME SEEING 93 00:03:27,267 --> 00:03:28,767 THROUGH HER PRETENTIOUS FAKE GLASSES. 94 00:03:28,767 --> 00:03:30,700 - [chuckles] [toilet flushes] 95 00:03:35,433 --> 00:03:37,367 - I DIDN'T CARE WHAT THE BITCHES THOUGHT. 96 00:03:40,333 --> 00:03:42,367 I HAD COLLIN. 97 00:03:42,367 --> 00:03:44,700 MR. "HART-LESS" WON'T PUBLISH MY ESSAY 98 00:03:44,700 --> 00:03:46,233 BECAUSE HE SAYS IT'S CRUEL. 99 00:03:46,233 --> 00:03:48,300 CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT? - IT IS. 100 00:03:48,300 --> 00:03:51,767 BUT IT'S ALSO INSIGHTFUL AND CONTROVERSIAL, 101 00:03:51,767 --> 00:03:54,967 LIKE ALL GREAT WRITING. 102 00:03:54,967 --> 00:03:56,667 HEY, SO I'M TAKING YOU OUT TONIGHT. 103 00:03:56,667 --> 00:03:58,067 MY BUDDY DAVE OSOKOW CAN GET US 104 00:03:58,067 --> 00:03:59,100 INTO A POP-UP CLUB DOWNTOWN. 105 00:03:59,100 --> 00:04:00,800 - CAN'T. STILL GROUNDED. 106 00:04:00,800 --> 00:04:01,933 - SO WHAT? - I KNOW. 107 00:04:01,933 --> 00:04:03,333 I JUST CAN'T DEAL WITH 108 00:04:03,333 --> 00:04:04,567 MY PARENTS' BULL[bleep]. 109 00:04:04,567 --> 00:04:07,400 - OKAY. BUT, CAN WE AT LEAST 110 00:04:07,400 --> 00:04:09,467 TAKE THE LONG WAY HOME? 111 00:04:09,467 --> 00:04:11,467 - DEFINITELY. 112 00:04:11,467 --> 00:04:13,133 - WHERE ARE YOUR POSTERS? 113 00:04:13,133 --> 00:04:15,267 YOUR OPPONENT MYLES HAS TONS. 114 00:04:15,267 --> 00:04:17,967 - MYLES NEEDS POSTERS. HE HAS NO BRAND AWARENESS. 115 00:04:17,967 --> 00:04:20,533 I DON'T NEED POSTERS. - YOU'RE TOO COMPLACENT. 116 00:04:20,533 --> 00:04:23,300 YOU NEED TO STEP IT UP. NO CAMPAIGN, NO GAIN. 117 00:04:23,300 --> 00:04:25,233 HERE IS A LIST OF THINGS WE SHOULD BE DOING. 118 00:04:27,833 --> 00:04:30,333 - "AGGREGATE POLLING DATA." - MM-HMM. 119 00:04:30,333 --> 00:04:31,967 - WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN? 120 00:04:31,967 --> 00:04:33,633 LOOK, I KNOW HOW TO WIN. 121 00:04:33,633 --> 00:04:35,533 I'VE DONE IT EVERY YEAR WITHOUT YOUR LIST. 122 00:04:38,067 --> 00:04:39,600 [sighs] I'M SORRY. 123 00:04:39,600 --> 00:04:41,267 HOW ABOUT I COME OVER TONIGHT AND WE MAKE POSTERS? 124 00:04:41,267 --> 00:04:43,267 - YES! WE'LL PROMOTE YOUR PLATFORM 125 00:04:43,267 --> 00:04:44,433 IN PUFF PAINT. 126 00:04:44,433 --> 00:04:46,300 [bleep], I HOPE I HAVE ENOUGH PUFF PAINT. 127 00:04:46,300 --> 00:04:49,067 WHO AM I KIDDING? OF COURSE I DO. [giggles] 128 00:04:49,067 --> 00:04:50,867 - [sighs] 129 00:04:50,867 --> 00:04:53,300 I'M STILL SHIVERING FROM JENNA'S COLD SHOULDER. 130 00:04:53,300 --> 00:04:55,467 - OH, YOU THINK IT'S BAD FOR YOU? 131 00:04:55,467 --> 00:04:57,400 IMAGINE LIVING WITH HER. 132 00:05:00,500 --> 00:05:02,500 VAL! - HUH? WHAT? SORRY. 133 00:05:02,500 --> 00:05:04,067 WE NEED TO DO SOMETHING. 134 00:05:04,067 --> 00:05:06,733 IF ONLY THERE WAS SOME WAY WE COULD INTERVENE. 135 00:05:06,733 --> 00:05:08,500 THAT'S IT! AN INTERVENTION! 136 00:05:08,500 --> 00:05:12,167 BUT WHO'S GONNA LEAD IT? 137 00:05:12,167 --> 00:05:15,167 - DON'T YOU DO THAT STUFF FOR A LIVING? 138 00:05:15,167 --> 00:05:17,933 - NOT WELL, L-DAWG. NOT WELL. 139 00:05:17,933 --> 00:05:20,500 WE'LL NEED AN EXPERT. - [sighs] 140 00:05:20,500 --> 00:05:21,600 I KNOW ONE! 141 00:05:21,600 --> 00:05:23,933 - I'VE BEEN TO TONS OF THESE THINGS. 142 00:05:23,933 --> 00:05:25,567 - EXCELLENT. CAN YOU WALK US THROUGH WHAT TO EXPECT? 143 00:05:25,567 --> 00:05:27,400 - MM. 144 00:05:27,400 --> 00:05:30,167 YOU KNOW, COME TO THINK OF IT, I REALLY DON'T REMEMBER MUCH. 145 00:05:30,167 --> 00:05:31,767 I WAS FAIRLY HIGH WHEN IT WAS HAPPENING. 146 00:05:31,767 --> 00:05:33,267 - I'M NERVOUS. 147 00:05:33,267 --> 00:05:34,933 I'M GONNA NEED SOMEONE ELSE TO GO FIRST. 148 00:05:34,933 --> 00:05:36,667 - [gasps] CAN I GO FIRST? 149 00:05:36,667 --> 00:05:38,600 I'D LOVE THE CHANCE TO TELL JENNA 150 00:05:38,600 --> 00:05:40,167 ALL THE DIFFERENT WAYS SHE'S BEEN A DISAPPOINTMENT. 151 00:05:40,167 --> 00:05:43,600 AND DON'T WORRY, I WON'T HOLD ANYTHING BACK. 152 00:05:43,600 --> 00:05:44,867 THERE'S NO TIME LIMIT, RIGHT? 153 00:05:44,867 --> 00:05:47,800 - MAYBE YOU SHOULD BE THE SILENT PEER PRESENCE. 154 00:05:47,800 --> 00:05:50,733 HOW'S YOUR SUPPORTIVE NOD? 155 00:05:52,533 --> 00:05:55,333 - I'VE NEVER THROWN AN INTERVENTION BEFORE, 156 00:05:55,333 --> 00:05:57,533 BUT LUCKILY, GOOGLE HAS. 157 00:05:57,533 --> 00:06:02,067 I HID ALL THE SHARP OBJECTS, AND I PUT OUT PLENTY OF TISSUES. 158 00:06:02,067 --> 00:06:05,600 AND, OH, I ALMOST FORGOT. I GOT MUNCHIES. 159 00:06:05,600 --> 00:06:07,933 - LADIES, I REALLY SHOULD BE THE ONE LEADING THIS INTERVENTION. 160 00:06:07,933 --> 00:06:09,400 - [forced laugh] - TODAY ALONE, 161 00:06:09,400 --> 00:06:11,600 I GOT TWO PEOPLE TO STOP DRINKING. 162 00:06:11,600 --> 00:06:13,067 - AND ONLY THREE OR FOUR TO START. 163 00:06:13,067 --> 00:06:15,367 - IF ANY OF YOU KNEW ANYTHING ABOUT ANYTHING, 164 00:06:15,367 --> 00:06:16,767 YOU'D KNOW THAT MY TWITTER FEED, 165 00:06:16,767 --> 00:06:19,400 @YOURHARSHTRUTH, IS BLOWING UP. 166 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:22,100 PEOPLE CAN'T GET ENOUGH OF MY UNFILTERED ADVICE. 167 00:06:22,100 --> 00:06:25,500 - SOMEONE WANTS YOUR ADVICE? - YES. 168 00:06:25,500 --> 00:06:27,367 AND HERE'S A TIP FOR FREE-- 169 00:06:27,367 --> 00:06:29,333 THAT TOP COMES IN YOUR SIZE TOO. 170 00:06:29,333 --> 00:06:31,633 WE ALREADY KNOW YOUR BOOBS ARE HUGE. 171 00:06:31,633 --> 00:06:33,467 - WHY IS SHE HERE AGAIN? 172 00:06:33,467 --> 00:06:34,600 - YOU WANTED A PEER PRESENCE, 173 00:06:34,600 --> 00:06:35,800 AND LIL BITCH HAS NO FRIENDS. 174 00:06:35,800 --> 00:06:38,333 - RIGHT. 175 00:06:38,333 --> 00:06:39,433 - OKAY, HERE SHE COMES. 176 00:06:39,433 --> 00:06:42,167 PLACES, EVERYBODY! - OH! OH! 177 00:06:43,233 --> 00:06:44,567 - [sighs] - OH, GOD. 178 00:06:44,567 --> 00:06:47,567 - ACT NATURAL. [door closes] 179 00:06:48,700 --> 00:06:50,333 - WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 180 00:06:50,333 --> 00:06:54,067 - OH! THEY JUST DROPPED BY... 181 00:06:54,067 --> 00:06:56,400 UNEXPECTEDLY. - OOPS. 182 00:06:56,400 --> 00:06:57,833 - WHY DON'T YOU COME CHAT WITH US? 183 00:06:57,833 --> 00:07:03,067 - YES, COME SIT IN THIS SEMICIRCLE OF FURNITURE, 184 00:07:03,067 --> 00:07:04,967 WHERE WE CAN ALL SEE EACH OTHER CLEARLY 185 00:07:04,967 --> 00:07:08,233 AND FEEL ENCOURAGED TO SHARE. 186 00:07:18,800 --> 00:07:20,800 - SO. - SO. 187 00:07:20,800 --> 00:07:24,267 - SO. 188 00:07:24,267 --> 00:07:25,367 - [sighs] 189 00:07:25,367 --> 00:07:27,833 LIL BITCH, THIS IS YOUR INTERVENTION, UNH. 190 00:07:27,833 --> 00:07:29,567 - WHAT? - WHAT? 191 00:07:29,567 --> 00:07:30,900 I-I THINK WE WERE SUPPOSED TO 192 00:07:30,900 --> 00:07:33,067 BUILD TO THE ISSUE IN A GENTLE WAY. 193 00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:35,200 - YES. LET ME EXPLAIN. 194 00:07:35,200 --> 00:07:38,200 JENNA, YOU HAVE A PROBLEM. 195 00:07:38,200 --> 00:07:39,800 YOU'RE AN ASS[bleep]. 196 00:07:39,800 --> 00:07:42,067 - YET AGAIN, THE GENTLE INTENT WAS LOST. 197 00:07:42,067 --> 00:07:45,400 - HONEY, WE'RE JUST WORRIED ABOUT YOU. 198 00:07:45,400 --> 00:07:48,367 - YOU'VE BEEN DISTANT, AND... 199 00:07:48,367 --> 00:07:49,533 - IRRITABLE. 200 00:07:49,533 --> 00:07:51,067 - YOU'VE LOST ALL YOUR FRIENDS. 201 00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:54,467 - YOU COULD USE A GOOD HAIR SCRUB. 202 00:07:54,467 --> 00:07:56,767 - WOW. 203 00:07:56,767 --> 00:07:57,833 I'M TOUCHED. 204 00:07:57,833 --> 00:08:01,333 I SO APPRECIATE YOUR CONCERN. 205 00:08:01,333 --> 00:08:02,400 THANK YOU, MOM. 206 00:08:02,400 --> 00:08:04,333 I REALLY NEEDED THIS WAKE-UP CALL. 207 00:08:04,333 --> 00:08:07,100 - I MEAN, UH, ACTUALLY, IT WAS--IT WAS MY IDEA. 208 00:08:07,100 --> 00:08:08,800 - OF COURSE. 209 00:08:08,800 --> 00:08:10,733 CAN I SAY SOMETHING? - MM-HMM. 210 00:08:12,633 --> 00:08:15,067 - YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH OF HYPOCRITES. 211 00:08:15,067 --> 00:08:17,600 SO [bleep] OFF! 212 00:08:23,067 --> 00:08:25,667 - MY ACCUSERS WERE TWO LOSERS, ONE USER, AND AN ABUSER. 213 00:08:25,667 --> 00:08:27,667 THEY WERE THE LAST PEOPLE I WOULD LISTEN TO, 214 00:08:27,667 --> 00:08:30,067 AND I WAS SICK AND TIRED OF PEOPLE TELLING ME 215 00:08:30,067 --> 00:08:31,233 WHAT I SHOULD AND SHOULDN'T DO. 216 00:08:31,233 --> 00:08:32,667 I WAS GONNA DO WHAT I WANTED, 217 00:08:32,667 --> 00:08:34,967 WHEN I WANTED, AND WITH WHOM I WANTED. 218 00:08:34,967 --> 00:08:36,367 NO ONE WAS GONNA STOP ME. [computer chirps] 219 00:08:36,367 --> 00:08:38,633 - * SINGING TILL THE SUN COMES UP * 220 00:08:38,633 --> 00:08:41,267 *YOU AIN'T GETTING A HOLD OF ME * 221 00:08:43,333 --> 00:08:45,967 - VALERIE THOUGHT I NEEDED A WAKE-UP CALL? 222 00:08:45,967 --> 00:08:47,300 - *BONES BLEEDING IF BONES CAN BLEED * 223 00:08:47,300 --> 00:08:49,633 - BUT IN REALITY, SHE WAS ABOUT TO GET ONE. 224 00:08:49,633 --> 00:08:54,667 - *SORE AND SEETHING ALL IN HARMONY * 225 00:08:54,667 --> 00:08:57,067 * YOU AIN'T GETTING A HOLD OF ME * 226 00:08:57,067 --> 00:08:59,667 - HONEY? 227 00:08:59,667 --> 00:09:01,333 I-I-- 228 00:09:01,333 --> 00:09:03,367 - *I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU'RE SERIOUS * 229 00:09:03,367 --> 00:09:05,167 - DAMN IT! WE DIDN'T SECURE THE PERIMETER. 230 00:09:05,167 --> 00:09:06,233 - *SHORT TAIL, LONG LEGS * 231 00:09:06,233 --> 00:09:07,233 - CAN WE DRINK NOW? 232 00:09:07,233 --> 00:09:09,167 - [sighs] both: YES! 233 00:09:12,167 --> 00:09:13,367 - I DIDN'T KNOW WHEN THE SISTERHOOD 234 00:09:13,367 --> 00:09:15,767 OF THE BLATHERING SKANKS WOULD BE BACK, 235 00:09:15,767 --> 00:09:16,900 AND I WASN'T GONNA STICK AROUND TO FIND OUT. 236 00:09:16,900 --> 00:09:18,933 - *DRAGGING BEHIND ME * 237 00:09:18,933 --> 00:09:21,633 *TORN SAILS WHIPPING IN THE COLD DARK SEA * 238 00:09:21,633 --> 00:09:23,300 - HEY. COUNT ME IN FOR TONIGHT. 239 00:09:23,300 --> 00:09:25,700 - *YOU AIN'T GETTING A HOLD OF ME * 240 00:09:25,700 --> 00:09:27,333 - HOLY CRAP! 241 00:09:27,333 --> 00:09:29,100 - I'VE SELECTED DIFFERENT COLORS BASED ON 242 00:09:29,100 --> 00:09:31,367 WHICH HALLWAYS THEY'LL HANG IN, AND I'VE CROSS-REFERENCED THEM 243 00:09:31,367 --> 00:09:33,600 WITH MY ELECTION WEEK OUTFITS. 244 00:09:33,600 --> 00:09:36,367 THIS, CANDIDATE ROSATI, 245 00:09:36,367 --> 00:09:39,133 IS YOUR PROTOTYPE "POSTER WITH THE MOSTER." 246 00:09:39,133 --> 00:09:40,567 - THAT IS AWESOME. 247 00:09:40,567 --> 00:09:41,833 - TOLD YOU SO. - YOU DID. 248 00:09:41,833 --> 00:09:43,967 YOU CAN TOTALLY MAKE ALL MY POSTERS. 249 00:09:43,967 --> 00:09:46,167 - UH, I CAN MAKE YOUR POSTERS? 250 00:09:46,167 --> 00:09:47,333 - YEAH. - JAKE! 251 00:09:47,333 --> 00:09:51,100 THIS IS NOT A FREE RIDE, THIS IS A "WE" RIDE. 252 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:52,867 WE'RE DOING THIS TOGETHER. 253 00:09:52,867 --> 00:09:55,633 YOU NEED TO MAKE POSTERS SO THAT YOU CAN SHINE THROUGH. 254 00:09:55,633 --> 00:09:57,067 - OKAY, PASS ME A MARKER. 255 00:09:57,067 --> 00:09:59,600 - WHICH COLOR? - WHATEVER. 256 00:10:09,767 --> 00:10:12,867 - OKAY! 257 00:10:12,867 --> 00:10:14,233 ONE DOWN. 258 00:10:14,233 --> 00:10:15,900 - "JAKE 4 PREZ"? 259 00:10:15,900 --> 00:10:17,233 THIS ISN'T A TEXT! 260 00:10:17,233 --> 00:10:18,500 FLESH IT OUT. 261 00:10:18,500 --> 00:10:20,500 YOU HAVE TO TAKE A STAND ON ISSUES, 262 00:10:20,500 --> 00:10:23,233 LIKE THE SALE OF FLAMING HOT CHEETOS. 263 00:10:23,233 --> 00:10:26,000 DO YOU FAVOR THE FLAVOR, OR SPURN THE BURN? 264 00:10:26,000 --> 00:10:27,333 YOU CAN'T BE APATHETIC. - OKAY. 265 00:10:27,333 --> 00:10:30,067 FINE. HAND ME ANOTHER POSTER BOARD. 266 00:10:30,067 --> 00:10:33,867 - MM-HMM. - AND THIS TIME, THE, UH... 267 00:10:33,867 --> 00:10:37,833 GREEN MARKER, PLEASE. 268 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:47,100 - LET ME GET YOU A PLATE. 269 00:10:47,100 --> 00:10:49,167 - I'M GOING OUT. 270 00:10:49,167 --> 00:10:52,433 - UH, NO, YOU'RE NOT. YOU'RE GROUNDED. 271 00:10:52,433 --> 00:10:53,767 - WHICH MEANS WHAT, EXACTLY? 272 00:10:53,767 --> 00:10:56,933 BECAUSE AS FAR AS I SEE IT, I'M ABOUT TO LEAVE. 273 00:10:56,933 --> 00:10:58,900 - OKAY, YOU ARE OUT OF CONTROL, 274 00:10:58,900 --> 00:11:00,733 AND YOU'RE RUINING YOUR LIFE. 275 00:11:00,733 --> 00:11:03,833 - NO, YOU'RE RUINING MY LIFE, JUST LIKE YOU RUINED YOURS. 276 00:11:03,833 --> 00:11:05,633 YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU DON'T EVEN HAVE A LIFE. 277 00:11:05,633 --> 00:11:08,333 THE ONLY JOB YOU'VE HAD FOR 17 YEARS IS BEING A MOM, 278 00:11:08,333 --> 00:11:10,067 AND YOU SUCK AT IT! 279 00:11:10,067 --> 00:11:12,133 - DO NOT TALK TO YOUR MOM THAT WAY. 280 00:11:12,133 --> 00:11:13,667 - WHY NOT? ARE YOU GONNA GIVE HER 281 00:11:13,667 --> 00:11:15,900 THE WAKE-UP CALL SHE NEEDS? 282 00:11:15,900 --> 00:11:19,133 - IF YOU LEAVE-- - WHAT? 283 00:11:21,067 --> 00:11:23,733 - DON'T COME BACK. - LACE-- 284 00:11:23,733 --> 00:11:26,233 - NO, KEVIN. 285 00:11:26,233 --> 00:11:28,900 DON'T COME BACK. 286 00:11:36,233 --> 00:11:39,233 [dance music] 287 00:11:39,233 --> 00:11:42,900 ** 288 00:11:42,900 --> 00:11:44,700 - FAR CRY FROM PALOS VERDES, HUH? 289 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:45,767 - IT WAS. 290 00:11:45,767 --> 00:11:47,600 THE POP-UP CLUB HAD POPPED UP 291 00:11:47,600 --> 00:11:48,800 AT THE PERFECT TIME. 292 00:11:48,800 --> 00:11:51,067 THERE WAS NO PLACE LIKE AWAY FROM HOME. 293 00:11:56,500 --> 00:11:58,900 - YOU MADE IT! 294 00:11:58,900 --> 00:12:02,333 - AND YOU MADE IT TOO. 295 00:12:02,333 --> 00:12:04,267 - HOLD ON. I THINK I HATE THAT GIRL. 296 00:12:09,167 --> 00:12:11,067 - SO RANDOM RUNNING INTO ANGELIQUE HERE. 297 00:12:11,067 --> 00:12:14,233 - ACTUALLY, I INVITED HER. IS THAT COOL? 298 00:12:14,233 --> 00:12:16,833 - I WAS WITH THE COOLEST GUY AT THE COOLEST CLUB IN TOWN. 299 00:12:16,833 --> 00:12:18,533 HOW COULD I NOT BE COOL WITH IT? 300 00:12:18,533 --> 00:12:20,300 OF COURSE. 301 00:12:20,300 --> 00:12:22,933 - JENNA SPOKE THE TRUTH. 302 00:12:22,933 --> 00:12:24,800 I'M A TERRIBLE MOM. 303 00:12:24,800 --> 00:12:28,700 I FAILED HER, AND THEN I DROVE HER AWAY. 304 00:12:28,700 --> 00:12:29,800 I HAVE TO FIX THIS. 305 00:12:29,800 --> 00:12:31,733 I HAVE TO TELL HER SHE CAN COME HOME. 306 00:12:33,767 --> 00:12:36,500 - NO! - WHA-- 307 00:12:36,500 --> 00:12:37,900 - NO? - NO! 308 00:12:37,900 --> 00:12:40,833 LACE, YOU SHOWED HER THE TOUGH LOVE SHE DESERVES. 309 00:12:40,833 --> 00:12:42,333 - BUT MAYBE I WAS TOO TOUGH. 310 00:12:42,333 --> 00:12:44,333 - FRANKLY, I DON'T THINK YOU WERE TOUGH ENOUGH. 311 00:12:44,333 --> 00:12:48,100 IF SHE WANTS TO BE INDEPENDENT, SHE CAN LEARN THE HARD WAY, 312 00:12:48,100 --> 00:12:50,133 ON THE STREETS. 313 00:12:50,133 --> 00:12:53,600 ALONE. WITH THUGS... 314 00:12:53,600 --> 00:12:55,867 AND RAPISTS. 315 00:12:55,867 --> 00:12:58,167 OH, GOD, OUR BABY. 316 00:12:58,167 --> 00:13:00,067 - NO! - [grunts] 317 00:13:00,067 --> 00:13:03,200 - DON'T BREAK! - BUT SHE NEEDS HER DADDY! 318 00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:04,267 - [panting] 319 00:13:04,267 --> 00:13:06,133 - I THINK YOU JUST BROKE YOUR PHONE. 320 00:13:06,133 --> 00:13:08,933 - THAT WAS MY PHONE. 321 00:13:08,933 --> 00:13:11,600 WELL, GOOD. 322 00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:13,933 BECAUSE WE CAN'T LET HER MANIPULATE US. 323 00:13:13,933 --> 00:13:15,867 WE HAVE TO STAY STRONG. 324 00:13:15,867 --> 00:13:17,800 IT IS TIME FOR TOUGH LOVE. - I CAN'T. 325 00:13:17,800 --> 00:13:18,900 - YOU CAN. - I DON'T WANT TO. 326 00:13:18,900 --> 00:13:20,733 - THAT'S WHY IT'S TOUGH. 327 00:13:20,733 --> 00:13:22,467 - OKAY. YOU'RE RIGHT. 328 00:13:22,467 --> 00:13:24,433 LET'S JUST HOPE, WHEREVER SHE IS, 329 00:13:24,433 --> 00:13:25,900 JENNA IS MAKING GOOD CHOICES. 330 00:13:25,900 --> 00:13:28,233 - * MY FIRE IS WILD - BRAIN ERASER, OR GUT ROT? 331 00:13:28,233 --> 00:13:31,500 - BRAIN ERASER. - GUT ROT. 332 00:13:31,500 --> 00:13:34,767 - WHOO! - *MY RAGE IS DEEP * 333 00:13:34,767 --> 00:13:35,933 [cheers and applause] 334 00:13:35,933 --> 00:13:38,167 - YEAH! ALL RIGHT! 335 00:13:38,167 --> 00:13:40,300 - *ONE BLACK EYE * 336 00:13:40,300 --> 00:13:42,233 - YEAH, ALL RIGHT! 337 00:13:42,233 --> 00:13:44,800 - TAKING IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL. - * BUSTED TEETH 338 00:13:44,800 --> 00:13:48,233 - SPEAKING OF NEXT LEVEL. 339 00:13:48,233 --> 00:13:50,800 - [gasps] OOH! - EITHER ANGELIQUE REALLY 340 00:13:50,800 --> 00:13:52,100 LIKED CANDY, OR-- 341 00:13:52,100 --> 00:13:53,600 - TONIGHT'S FESTIVITIES ARE BROUGHT TO YOU 342 00:13:53,600 --> 00:13:55,900 BY THE LETTER "X." 343 00:13:55,900 --> 00:13:57,300 - *YOU REALLY LIGHT ME UP * 344 00:13:57,300 --> 00:13:59,767 - IN THE MOMENT, I DIDN'T KNOW IF MY MIND 345 00:13:59,767 --> 00:14:01,100 COULD TAKE ANY MORE EXPANDING, 346 00:14:01,100 --> 00:14:03,267 SO I BLAMED IT ON MY BLADDER. 347 00:14:03,267 --> 00:14:07,833 I NEED TO USE THE BATHROOM. BE RIGHT BACK. 348 00:14:07,833 --> 00:14:11,100 - *YOU REALLY LIGHT ME UP * - * OH, OH, OH 349 00:14:11,100 --> 00:14:14,067 [muffled music] 350 00:14:17,067 --> 00:14:18,967 - BATHROOM LINE SHOTS! 351 00:14:22,767 --> 00:14:23,833 - SORRY I RAN AWAY. 352 00:14:23,833 --> 00:14:25,967 - YOU RAN AWAY? 353 00:14:25,967 --> 00:14:28,467 - WASN'T IT OBVIOUS? - [laughs] YEAH. 354 00:14:28,467 --> 00:14:33,233 - I JUST DIDN'T FEEL READY TO TRY ECSTASY FOR THE FIRST TIME. 355 00:14:33,233 --> 00:14:35,533 - OH, NO. I FEEL AWFUL. 356 00:14:35,533 --> 00:14:37,467 - WHAT? NO, IT'S FINE. 357 00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:39,433 WHY WOULD YOU FEEL BAD? 358 00:14:39,433 --> 00:14:44,667 - I PUT THE "E" IN YOUR DRINK. 359 00:14:49,367 --> 00:14:51,633 [dance music] 360 00:14:51,633 --> 00:14:53,067 - I WAS THROUGH THE LOOKING GLASS, 361 00:14:53,067 --> 00:14:55,200 AND APPARENTLY DOWN THE "GRAB IT" HOLE, 362 00:14:55,200 --> 00:14:57,700 AND THE ECSTASY WAS DEFINITELY HAVING AN EFFECT... 363 00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:59,367 ON COLLIN AND ANGELIQUE. 364 00:14:59,367 --> 00:15:00,533 I, ON THE OTHER HAND, 365 00:15:00,533 --> 00:15:02,067 WAS WAY TOO FREAKED OUT TO BE BLISSED OUT. 366 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:05,233 - HEY, FEEL THIS. IT'S AMAZING. 367 00:15:05,233 --> 00:15:07,633 - OH, AMAZING. 368 00:15:07,633 --> 00:15:09,267 HERE, JENNA, YOU GOTTA FEEL. 369 00:15:09,267 --> 00:15:11,667 - YEAH, IT'S AMAZING. 370 00:15:11,667 --> 00:15:12,967 IT WASN'T AMAZING. 371 00:15:12,967 --> 00:15:14,900 - I LOVE YOU GUYS. 372 00:15:18,533 --> 00:15:22,467 - UM, SHOULDN'T WE DO THIS SOMEWHERE IN PRIVATE? 373 00:15:22,467 --> 00:15:24,733 - OH, NO, SHE'S COOL, YOU'RE COOL, RIGHT, ANG? 374 00:15:24,733 --> 00:15:26,667 - YEAH. I'M TOTALLY COOL. 375 00:15:30,900 --> 00:15:32,433 - OKAY. 376 00:15:32,433 --> 00:15:34,700 ANGELIQUE WAS DEFINITELY COOL, 377 00:15:34,700 --> 00:15:36,633 AND NOT AFRAID OF BEARD BURN... 378 00:15:39,700 --> 00:15:41,633 OR, BOUNDARIES. 379 00:15:43,433 --> 00:15:44,500 - JAKE! 380 00:15:44,500 --> 00:15:46,067 YOU NEED TO PUSH YOUR BOUNDARIES! 381 00:15:46,067 --> 00:15:48,067 GET OUT OF YOUR COMFORT ZONE! 382 00:15:48,067 --> 00:15:50,633 GO DON DRAPER ON THIS PAPER. 383 00:15:50,633 --> 00:15:52,267 TAKE THE TIME TO MAKE IT RHYME. 384 00:15:52,267 --> 00:15:53,833 DON'T BE BITTER, ADD MORE GLITTER! 385 00:15:53,833 --> 00:15:55,500 - STOP IT! - RHYMING? 386 00:15:55,500 --> 00:15:57,067 - NO, TELLING ME WHAT TO DO! 387 00:15:57,067 --> 00:15:59,267 YOU'RE SUFFOCATING ME. - I'M TRYING TO HELP YOU. 388 00:15:59,267 --> 00:16:00,500 - NO, YOU'RE TRYING TO TURN ME 389 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:02,067 INTO THE PROTOTYPE OF A PERFECT BOYFRIEND. 390 00:16:02,067 --> 00:16:05,733 AND I TRY, AND I TRY EVERYTHING THAT YOU SAY! 391 00:16:05,733 --> 00:16:07,167 BUT YOU STILL HAVE MORE CRITICISM. 392 00:16:07,167 --> 00:16:10,133 - I'M SORRY THAT I WANT US TO WORK ON OUR RELATIONSHIP. 393 00:16:10,133 --> 00:16:12,867 - "US"? I DO ALL THE WORK. 394 00:16:12,867 --> 00:16:14,900 - YOU DON'T THINK I WORK TO BE A GOOD GIRLFRIEND? 395 00:16:14,900 --> 00:16:16,800 I JUST MADE YOU 20 POSTERS! 396 00:16:16,800 --> 00:16:18,300 - THAT I DIDN'T ASK FOR! 397 00:16:18,300 --> 00:16:20,233 YOU THINK YOU KNOW BETTER ABOUT EVERYTHING! 398 00:16:20,233 --> 00:16:24,433 WELL, THIS IS THE ONE THING THAT I KNOW HOW TO DO, AND YOU DON'T. 399 00:16:24,433 --> 00:16:25,967 YOU WOULD MAKE THE WORST PRESIDENT EVER! 400 00:16:25,967 --> 00:16:27,500 I DON'T NEED RHYMING SLOGANS, 401 00:16:27,500 --> 00:16:30,500 OR GLITTER, OR TO DOT MY "I"s WITH LITTLE STARS. 402 00:16:30,500 --> 00:16:33,967 I CAN WRITE ANYTHING ON MY POSTERS AND STILL WIN! 403 00:16:33,967 --> 00:16:37,800 - OH, YEAH? 404 00:16:37,800 --> 00:16:41,167 COULD YOU WRITE THIS? 405 00:16:41,167 --> 00:16:43,100 - YOU WOULDN'T DARE. 406 00:16:43,100 --> 00:16:46,433 - OH, WOULDN'T I? 407 00:16:46,433 --> 00:16:48,767 - PUT THAT GLITTER DOWN. 408 00:16:55,367 --> 00:16:58,733 [club music] 409 00:16:58,733 --> 00:17:01,067 - SO, THERE WAS AN EXCESS CARESS. 410 00:17:01,067 --> 00:17:02,167 IT WAS OKAY. 411 00:17:02,167 --> 00:17:05,100 IT WASN'T LIKE I WAS IN A THREESOME. 412 00:17:05,100 --> 00:17:08,267 AND SHE HAD TO PUT HER HAND SOMEWHERE. 413 00:17:08,267 --> 00:17:10,200 IT DEFINITELY DIDN'T MEAN I WAS IN A THREESOME. 414 00:17:11,900 --> 00:17:14,100 OR, I WAS IN A THREESOME. 415 00:17:14,100 --> 00:17:15,933 I'M NOT COMFORTABLE. 416 00:17:15,933 --> 00:17:17,633 - TAKE OFF YOUR JACKET. - I'LL HELP YOU. 417 00:17:17,633 --> 00:17:20,567 - NO. NO. 418 00:17:20,567 --> 00:17:22,567 I NEED TO GO HOME. RIGHT NOW. 419 00:17:22,567 --> 00:17:25,933 - OH. OKAY. 420 00:17:25,933 --> 00:17:28,300 SEE YA. 421 00:17:28,300 --> 00:17:30,933 [both moaning] 422 00:17:30,933 --> 00:17:35,267 - I MAY HAVE BEEN HIGH, BUT I'D NEVER FELT SO LOW. 423 00:17:35,267 --> 00:17:37,067 I WAS SCARED, ALONE, 424 00:17:37,067 --> 00:17:40,900 AND MY LACK OF CASH OR CREDIT MATCHED MY LACK OF OPTIONS. 425 00:17:40,900 --> 00:17:44,900 I HAD TO CALL SOMEONE. - *IT STARTS TURNING IT ON * 426 00:17:44,900 --> 00:17:48,267 NOT MY PARENTS... - * THIS IS IT 427 00:17:48,267 --> 00:17:51,167 - OR MY FRIENDS. 428 00:17:51,167 --> 00:17:54,967 THERE WAS ONLY ONE LAST RESORT, AND I WAS DESPERATE. 429 00:17:54,967 --> 00:17:58,867 - *NOT SHUTTING OFF * 430 00:17:58,867 --> 00:18:01,167 - HEY, IT'S ME. 431 00:18:01,167 --> 00:18:02,900 CAN YOU COME PICK ME UP? 432 00:18:02,900 --> 00:18:04,833 - * THE SUN IS MOVING IN 433 00:18:16,800 --> 00:18:19,800 [ambient electronic music] 434 00:18:19,800 --> 00:18:21,767 ** 435 00:18:21,767 --> 00:18:23,200 - [sighs] 436 00:18:23,200 --> 00:18:27,633 DO YOU NEED ME TO STOP AND GET YOU SOME WATER OR SOMETHING? 437 00:18:27,633 --> 00:18:29,633 - I'M OKAY. 438 00:18:29,633 --> 00:18:37,567 * 439 00:18:44,100 --> 00:18:47,133 - IT'S JUST AN EARRING. 440 00:18:47,133 --> 00:18:50,067 - BUT IT'S NOT MINE. 441 00:18:50,067 --> 00:18:57,933 * 442 00:19:03,567 --> 00:19:07,700 - [crying] 443 00:19:07,700 --> 00:19:15,633 * 444 00:19:20,133 --> 00:19:22,067 - [sighs] 445 00:19:26,067 --> 00:19:28,633 IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE YOU NEED ME TO DO? 446 00:19:30,933 --> 00:19:35,233 - CAN YOU HOLD ME? 447 00:19:35,233 --> 00:19:39,633 - [softly] YEAH. 448 00:19:39,633 --> 00:19:43,800 - THANK YOU FOR BEING MY HERO. 449 00:19:43,800 --> 00:19:46,333 [soft music] 450 00:19:46,333 --> 00:19:48,767 - THAT'S ALL I EVER WANTED TO BE. 451 00:19:48,767 --> 00:19:56,533 * 452 00:19:56,533 --> 00:19:58,333 [engine starts] 453 00:19:58,333 --> 00:20:06,267 * 454 00:20:13,500 --> 00:20:16,500 [soft music continues] 455 00:20:16,500 --> 00:20:20,900 * 456 00:20:23,700 --> 00:20:24,700 - NEXT ON AWKWARD... - HEY, GUYS! 457 00:20:24,700 --> 00:20:25,867 - HEY. - HI. 458 00:20:25,867 --> 00:20:27,233 - DURING MY SANITY SABBATICAL, 459 00:20:27,233 --> 00:20:29,833 I WROTE A MEAN ESSAY ABOUT VAL FOR THE LIT MAGAZINE. 460 00:20:29,833 --> 00:20:31,867 - DON'T WORRY, PEOPLE ONLY READ THE EXPERIOR 461 00:20:31,867 --> 00:20:33,067 FOR THE SEX STORIES. 462 00:20:33,067 --> 00:20:34,533 NOBODY'S GONNA BOTHER WITH YOUR ESSAY. 463 00:20:34,533 --> 00:20:37,200 - YOUR ESSAY IS AWESOME! 464 00:20:37,200 --> 00:20:38,567 - THAT'S WHY YOU'RE SORRY? 465 00:20:38,567 --> 00:20:40,233 - IS THERE SOMETHING ELSE I SHOULD BE APOLOGIZING FOR? 466 00:20:40,233 --> 00:20:42,167 - DID YOU SLEEP WITH ANGELIQUE? 32784

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