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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,000 --> 00:00:04,000 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:06,467 - LOSER GIRL BECOMES A LOSER BURNOUT. 3 00:00:06,467 --> 00:00:09,100 YOU ARE SUCH A CLICHE. 4 00:00:09,100 --> 00:00:10,433 - YOUR FRIENDS ARE SUPPOSED TO STAY ON YOUR SIDE. 5 00:00:10,433 --> 00:00:13,367 - YOU'RE STARTING TO FIXATE. 6 00:00:13,367 --> 00:00:15,300 - MY REALITY FELT LIKE SOLITARY CONFINEMENT. 7 00:00:15,300 --> 00:00:16,900 LET'S JUST GET OUTTA HERE. 8 00:00:19,700 --> 00:00:21,500 - COLLIN AND I HAD BEEN SEEING EACH OTHER FOR WEEKS, 9 00:00:21,500 --> 00:00:23,900 BUT WE HADN'T FELT THE NEED TO D.T.R. 10 00:00:23,900 --> 00:00:25,133 WE WERE BEYOND IT. 11 00:00:25,133 --> 00:00:27,667 BECAUSE WHEN IT CAME TO HIM, I WAS ALL-IN. 12 00:00:27,667 --> 00:00:30,400 NOT TO MENTION D.T.R.'ING WAS FOR SUCKERS. 13 00:00:30,400 --> 00:00:33,733 - DUDE, YOUR HAIR'S SMOKING. 14 00:00:33,733 --> 00:00:35,833 - HOLY [bleep], YOU'RE ON FIRE. 15 00:00:35,833 --> 00:00:37,033 [both chuckle] 16 00:00:37,033 --> 00:00:38,367 - [gasps] 17 00:00:38,367 --> 00:00:39,500 WHAT THE HELL? 18 00:00:39,500 --> 00:00:41,700 I LOATHED HANGING OUT IN THE SANCTUARY. 19 00:00:41,700 --> 00:00:43,100 BUT IT WAS THE ONLY PLACE 20 00:00:43,100 --> 00:00:45,333 COLLIN AND I COULD BE TOGETHER HATER-FREE. 21 00:00:45,333 --> 00:00:49,033 * 22 00:00:49,033 --> 00:00:51,233 AND MONDAY MORNINGS DEFINITELY BROUGHT OUT THE DREGS. 23 00:00:51,233 --> 00:00:52,700 IT WAS LIKE AN A.A. MEETING. 24 00:00:52,700 --> 00:00:54,733 ALL THE ADDICTS NEEDED THEIR FIX 25 00:00:54,733 --> 00:00:56,033 TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE WEEK. 26 00:00:56,033 --> 00:00:57,600 THANK GOD I WASN'T ONE OF THEM. 27 00:00:57,600 --> 00:00:59,367 - I GOTTA GO. 28 00:00:59,367 --> 00:01:00,600 - WAIT, NO, NO, NO. 29 00:01:00,600 --> 00:01:01,933 PLEASE, JUST ONE MORE. 30 00:01:01,933 --> 00:01:05,600 - THAT'S HOW IT STARTED FOR ME TOO. 31 00:01:05,600 --> 00:01:07,400 - I CAN WALK AWAY ANYTIME I WANT. 32 00:01:19,267 --> 00:01:21,233 [typing] 33 00:01:26,067 --> 00:01:28,600 - WAY TO MAKE AN EFFORT, HAMILTRICK. 34 00:01:28,600 --> 00:01:30,333 NICE BRA. 35 00:01:30,333 --> 00:01:34,633 - OKAY, IT IS AN HOUR-LONG CLASS. 36 00:01:34,633 --> 00:01:38,067 ROMEO WILL STILL BE HERE WHEN IT'S ALL OVER. 37 00:01:38,067 --> 00:01:39,633 WELL, IT'S THAT TIME OF YEAR AGAIN 38 00:01:39,633 --> 00:01:43,167 WHEN WE PUT OUT A NEW EDITION OF EXPERIOR. 39 00:01:43,167 --> 00:01:44,733 DOES ANYBODY KNOW WHAT EXPERIOR MEANS? 40 00:01:44,733 --> 00:01:46,733 - EXPERIOR IS A SUPERHERO 41 00:01:46,733 --> 00:01:49,067 WHO POSSESS THE POWER OF TELEKINESIS 42 00:01:49,067 --> 00:01:53,067 AND EXTRA-DIMENSIONAL TIME TRAVEL. 43 00:01:53,067 --> 00:01:55,233 - IT'S LATIN FOR "LET IT BE PRINTED," 44 00:01:55,233 --> 00:01:57,567 AND IT'S ALSO THE NAME OF OUR LITERARY MAGAZINE. 45 00:01:57,567 --> 00:01:59,300 NOW YOU WILL ALL BE SUBMITTING AN ESSAY 46 00:01:59,300 --> 00:02:00,667 FOR THIS YEAR'S ISSUE, 47 00:02:00,667 --> 00:02:02,867 WHICH, JUDGING BY THE LEVEL OF TALENT IN THIS ROOM, 48 00:02:02,867 --> 00:02:04,367 SHOULD LOOK MORE LIKE A FLYER. 49 00:02:04,367 --> 00:02:08,133 THIS YEAR'S TOPIC: HEROES AND VILLAINS. 50 00:02:08,133 --> 00:02:11,200 - HEY. - OH, I'LL BE RIGHT BACK. 51 00:02:11,200 --> 00:02:13,167 YEAH? - I NEED YOUR HELP. 52 00:02:13,167 --> 00:02:15,067 AND QUITE FRANKLY, YOU NEED MINE. 53 00:02:15,067 --> 00:02:17,233 I OVERHEARD PRINCIPAL COX TALKING ABOUT 54 00:02:17,233 --> 00:02:19,300 ANOTHER ROUND-EE-ROUND OF PINK SLIPS. 55 00:02:19,300 --> 00:02:20,300 - THAT'S JUST TALK. 56 00:02:20,300 --> 00:02:21,500 - OH, YEAH? 57 00:02:21,500 --> 00:02:23,067 LOOK WHAT I FOUND ON MY DESK THIS MORNING. 58 00:02:23,067 --> 00:02:24,433 - THAT'S A PHONE MESSAGE. 59 00:02:24,433 --> 00:02:26,467 - YEAH, BUT IT COULD HAVE JUST AS EASILY BEEN A PINK SLIP. 60 00:02:26,467 --> 00:02:27,667 - WHO ARE YOU? 61 00:02:27,667 --> 00:02:29,867 - VALERIE MARKS, GUIDANCE COUNSELOR. 62 00:02:29,867 --> 00:02:31,733 AND MORE RECENTLY, CHOIR LEADER, 63 00:02:31,733 --> 00:02:33,700 CHEER COACH, DRILL TEAM MENTOR. 64 00:02:33,700 --> 00:02:35,400 - OH, A WOMAN OF MANY TRADES. 65 00:02:35,400 --> 00:02:37,333 - OH, NO, ONLY ONE. 66 00:02:37,333 --> 00:02:39,067 I HATE DOING ALL THAT OTHER CRAP. 67 00:02:39,067 --> 00:02:40,800 I'M JUST TRYING TO MAKE MYSELF INDISPENSABLE. 68 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:42,100 - WHY ARE YOU HERE? 69 00:02:42,100 --> 00:02:44,067 - THERE'S A DISTRICT-WIDE VIDEO COMPETITION, 70 00:02:44,067 --> 00:02:45,533 THE WINNER OF WHICH GETS... 71 00:02:45,533 --> 00:02:46,533 [drum roll] 72 00:02:46,533 --> 00:02:47,733 DRUM ROLL. 73 00:02:47,733 --> 00:02:49,733 A NURSE FOR A MONTH. 74 00:02:49,733 --> 00:02:51,167 - OUR NURSE WAS CUT? 75 00:02:51,167 --> 00:02:53,333 - LET'S JUST SAY SHE WENT GENTLY INTO THAT GOOD NIGHT. 76 00:02:53,333 --> 00:02:54,667 E.E. CUMMINGS. - DYLAN THOMAS. 77 00:02:54,667 --> 00:02:56,100 - WHO CARES WHAT THE NURSE'S NAME WAS? 78 00:02:56,100 --> 00:02:57,933 IF I WIN THIS THING, IT'LL INCREASE MY PROFILE 79 00:02:57,933 --> 00:03:00,100 AND MAKE ME EVEN MORE INDISPENSABLE-- 80 00:03:00,100 --> 00:03:03,067 AND YOU, IF I CAN BORROW YOUR STUDENTS. 81 00:03:03,067 --> 00:03:05,900 - WILL THIS PROJECT INTERFERE WITH MY TEACHING SCHEDULE? 82 00:03:05,900 --> 00:03:08,100 - JUST FOR A WEEK. - PERFECT. 83 00:03:08,100 --> 00:03:09,267 - DRAMA. 84 00:03:09,267 --> 00:03:11,733 INTRIGUE. SUICIDE. 85 00:03:11,733 --> 00:03:14,067 DRUGS. DEPRESSION. 86 00:03:14,067 --> 00:03:16,567 FRIENDSHIP. LOVE. 87 00:03:16,567 --> 00:03:18,367 ALCOHOLISM. 88 00:03:18,367 --> 00:03:21,300 FREEZE FRAMES. 89 00:03:21,300 --> 00:03:24,433 THESE DELIGHTFUL AND SOMEWHAT SCARY WORDS 90 00:03:24,433 --> 00:03:27,867 DESCRIBE MY FAVORITE TV GENRE, 91 00:03:27,867 --> 00:03:30,300 THE AFTER... 92 00:03:30,300 --> 00:03:31,567 SCHOOL... 93 00:03:31,567 --> 00:03:32,767 SPECIAL. 94 00:03:32,767 --> 00:03:34,733 A.S.S. FOR SHORT. 95 00:03:34,733 --> 00:03:37,400 I WAS ADDICTED TO THEM. 96 00:03:37,400 --> 00:03:38,767 - UH, YOU MIGHT WANT TO EXPLAIN THAT, 97 00:03:38,767 --> 00:03:39,933 UNLESS YOU BROUGHT A TIME MACHINE. 98 00:03:39,933 --> 00:03:41,333 - I DID NOT. 99 00:03:41,333 --> 00:03:45,600 AFTER SCHOOL SPECIALS WERE MADE-FOR-TV MOVIES FOR PUBES, 100 00:03:45,600 --> 00:03:47,100 PUBESCENTS, BACK IN THE DAY, 101 00:03:47,100 --> 00:03:49,067 WHICH DEALT WITH CONTROVERSIAL SUBJECTS 102 00:03:49,067 --> 00:03:52,533 AND SOCIALLY RELEVANT ISSUES. 103 00:03:52,533 --> 00:03:54,067 LIFETIME MOVIES FOR TEENS. 104 00:03:54,067 --> 00:03:57,667 AND I NEED A CRACKERJACK TEAM OF WRITERS AND FILMMAKERS 105 00:03:57,667 --> 00:03:59,067 WHO CAN MAKE IT HAPPEN. 106 00:03:59,067 --> 00:04:01,100 WE'LL MEET AFTER SCHOOL THIS WEEK. 107 00:04:01,100 --> 00:04:03,500 FEEL FREE TO ASK YOUR FRIENDS TO PARTICIPATE. 108 00:04:03,500 --> 00:04:06,200 BUT ONLY THE ATTRACTIVE ONES. 109 00:04:06,200 --> 00:04:08,367 WE'RE TALKING HD-FRIENDLY. 110 00:04:08,367 --> 00:04:09,933 UH-UH. 111 00:04:09,933 --> 00:04:12,633 - UGH, THE A.S.S. IS GONNA BE A TRAIN WRECK. 112 00:04:12,633 --> 00:04:14,767 WHAT SHOULD WE DO IN IT? - NOTHING. 113 00:04:14,767 --> 00:04:16,200 NOW THAT I'M GROUNDED, 114 00:04:16,200 --> 00:04:18,067 AFTER SCHOOL IS THE ONLY TIME WE GET TO SPEND TOGETHER. 115 00:04:18,067 --> 00:04:20,267 - YEAH, BUT I DON'T THINK WE CAN GET OUT OF IT. 116 00:04:20,267 --> 00:04:24,333 - OH, YES, WE CAN. 117 00:04:24,333 --> 00:04:27,067 - HAVE YOU BEEN CRYING? YOUR EYES LOOK BLOODSHOT. 118 00:04:27,067 --> 00:04:29,633 - I GUESS I JUST GOT A LITTLE EMOTIONAL 119 00:04:29,633 --> 00:04:31,267 WHEN I FOUND OUT ABOUT MY MOM. 120 00:04:31,267 --> 00:04:32,633 - DID SOMETHING HAPPEN TO L-DOG? 121 00:04:32,633 --> 00:04:33,867 - SHE SPRAINED HER BACK. 122 00:04:33,867 --> 00:04:35,967 - OH, NO. OH, I GOTTA CALL HER. 123 00:04:35,967 --> 00:04:37,067 - NO, DON'T DO THAT. 124 00:04:37,067 --> 00:04:38,800 SHE DOESN'T WANT ANYONE TO KNOW. 125 00:04:38,800 --> 00:04:40,367 SHE'S EMBARRASSED. 126 00:04:40,367 --> 00:04:44,367 - OH, BECAUSE IT HAPPENED DURING SEX? 127 00:04:44,367 --> 00:04:45,933 - I CAN NEITHER CONFIRM NOR DENY. 128 00:04:45,933 --> 00:04:47,367 - HMM, I SEE. 129 00:04:47,367 --> 00:04:50,100 I BET THAT KEVIN'S A REAL STINGRAY IN THE SACK. 130 00:04:50,100 --> 00:04:52,900 - COLLIN AND I HAVE TO GO STRAIGHT HOME AFTER SCHOOL, 131 00:04:52,900 --> 00:04:55,067 AND WE CAN'T BE IN YOUR AWESOME VIDEO. 132 00:04:55,067 --> 00:04:56,533 WE'RE SO BUMMED. 133 00:04:56,533 --> 00:04:58,233 - IF I HAD TO GUESS WHAT YOUR PARENTS WERE DOING, 134 00:04:58,233 --> 00:04:59,700 I'D SAY THE PILE DRIVER. 135 00:04:59,700 --> 00:05:03,267 OR MAYBE THE BACKWARDS JELLYFISH. 136 00:05:03,267 --> 00:05:04,500 WHY DOES COLLIN NEED TO BE THERE? 137 00:05:04,500 --> 00:05:06,333 - MY MOM NEEDS HELP GETTING TO THE BATHROOM 138 00:05:06,333 --> 00:05:08,167 UNTIL MY DAD GETS HOME. 139 00:05:08,167 --> 00:05:10,267 - YOU ARE RELEASED. 140 00:05:10,267 --> 00:05:11,600 I TAKE THAT BACK. 141 00:05:11,600 --> 00:05:15,067 MUST HAVE BEEN THE DIRTY SANTA CLAUS. 142 00:05:20,167 --> 00:05:21,333 - ARE YOU TRYING TO TORTURE YOURSELF, 143 00:05:21,333 --> 00:05:23,333 OR ARE YOU JUST A STRAIGHT-UP CREEPER? 144 00:05:23,333 --> 00:05:25,400 - I AM JUST TRYING TO WRAP MY HEAD AROUND 145 00:05:25,400 --> 00:05:27,100 HOW THE HELL THIS HAPPENED. 146 00:05:27,100 --> 00:05:28,733 - WHY DO YOU CARE? 147 00:05:28,733 --> 00:05:31,100 JENNA IS A HO-BAG-SLUT-MACHINE 148 00:05:31,100 --> 00:05:33,433 WHO HUMILIATED YOU IN FRONT OF THE WORLD. 149 00:05:33,433 --> 00:05:36,333 - YEAH, BUT SOMEWHERE DEEP DOWN, SHE'S STILL MY FRIEND. 150 00:05:36,333 --> 00:05:38,767 - YOU ARE SO NICE, IT'S ANNOYING. 151 00:05:38,767 --> 00:05:41,367 - THE SUBJECT MATTER FOR THE AFTER-SCHOOL SPECIALS 152 00:05:41,367 --> 00:05:45,400 RAN THE GAMUT FROM DRUNK MOMS TO TEENAGE PROSTITUTION 153 00:05:45,400 --> 00:05:47,067 TO RHEUMATOID ARTHRITIS. 154 00:05:47,067 --> 00:05:48,067 - [giggles] 155 00:05:48,067 --> 00:05:50,700 - IS THAT FUNNY TO YOU, BLONDIE? 156 00:05:50,700 --> 00:05:52,833 HOW FUNNY YOU THINK IT WAS FOR POOR CAROL ANN, 157 00:05:52,833 --> 00:05:55,200 A SKATER ON HER WAY TO OLYMPIC GOLD 158 00:05:55,200 --> 00:05:57,333 WHO WOKE UP ONE DAY AND COULDN'T FIT 159 00:05:57,333 --> 00:05:59,067 HER FAT ELEPHANT FEET INTO HER SIZE 6 SKATES? 160 00:05:59,067 --> 00:06:01,133 - NOT FUNNY AT ALL. 161 00:06:01,133 --> 00:06:03,400 - EVEN THOUGH EVERY A.S.S. HAD A DIFFERENT MESSAGE, 162 00:06:03,400 --> 00:06:06,567 THEY HAD THE SAME SIX STEPS TO GET YOU THERE. 163 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:19,067 NUMBER ONE, 164 00:06:19,067 --> 00:06:21,933 ESTABLISH THE PROBLEM OF THE MAIN CHARACTER, 165 00:06:21,933 --> 00:06:23,700 THE TROUBLED TEEN. 166 00:06:23,700 --> 00:06:24,900 - CAN I PLAY HER? 167 00:06:24,900 --> 00:06:26,433 - ONLY IF WE END UP DOING PORN STAR RUNAWAY 168 00:06:26,433 --> 00:06:27,567 OR EATING DISORDER. 169 00:06:27,567 --> 00:06:28,733 - SPEAKING OF SLUTTY, 170 00:06:28,733 --> 00:06:30,267 HOW DID JENNA GET OUT OF THIS? 171 00:06:30,267 --> 00:06:31,500 - CAN'T TALK ABOUT IT. 172 00:06:31,500 --> 00:06:32,933 LET'S JUST SAY IT INVOLVED A SEX INJURY. 173 00:06:32,933 --> 00:06:36,933 - OF COURSE IT DID. 174 00:06:36,933 --> 00:06:38,600 I HAVE AN IDEA. 175 00:06:38,600 --> 00:06:40,633 WHY DON'T WE DO A STORY 176 00:06:40,633 --> 00:06:42,400 ABOUT A TROUBLED LOSER GIRL 177 00:06:42,400 --> 00:06:44,133 WHO'S SO DESPERATE FOR ATTENTION 178 00:06:44,133 --> 00:06:46,067 SHE TRIES TO COMMIT SUICIDE, FAILS, 179 00:06:46,067 --> 00:06:48,733 THEN DEFIES ALL ODDS BY BECOMING POPULAR 180 00:06:48,733 --> 00:06:51,067 AND THEN MANAGES SLOWLY BUT SURELY 181 00:06:51,067 --> 00:06:53,600 TO ALIENATE EVERYONE IN HER LIFE, 182 00:06:53,600 --> 00:06:56,133 AND THEN SHE DIES? 183 00:06:58,267 --> 00:07:00,300 - I THINK IT'S... 184 00:07:00,300 --> 00:07:02,600 PERFECT. 185 00:07:02,600 --> 00:07:04,200 ALL WE NEED IS A TITLE. 186 00:07:04,200 --> 00:07:08,067 - HOW ABOUT, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT JENNY? 187 00:07:08,067 --> 00:07:10,100 - I THINK WE HAVE A WINNER. 188 00:07:10,100 --> 00:07:12,233 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT-- 189 00:07:12,233 --> 00:07:13,700 - JENNA. 190 00:07:13,700 --> 00:07:16,367 SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT HER? 191 00:07:16,367 --> 00:07:17,633 - I'M CONFUSED. 192 00:07:17,633 --> 00:07:18,967 I THOUGHT YOU NEVER WANTED TO TALK TO HER AGAIN. 193 00:07:18,967 --> 00:07:20,767 - I DON'T WANNA TALK TO HER. I WANNA YELL AT HER. 194 00:07:20,767 --> 00:07:22,233 - I KINDA WANNA SMACK HER. 195 00:07:22,233 --> 00:07:24,100 - I TRIED TO STAY OUT OF IT, BUT I CAN'T JUST SIT BACK 196 00:07:24,100 --> 00:07:27,067 AND WATCH JENNA DRIFT INTO AMANDA BYNESVILLE. 197 00:07:27,067 --> 00:07:28,800 - SO WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO? 198 00:07:28,800 --> 00:07:30,300 - I THINK WE'RE GONNA NEED SOME GUIDANCE 199 00:07:30,300 --> 00:07:33,067 OR SOME COUNSELING. 200 00:07:33,067 --> 00:07:36,333 OR SOME GUIDANCE COUNSELING. 201 00:07:36,333 --> 00:07:37,800 WHAT DO WE DO IF WE KNOW ONE OF OUR FRIENDS 202 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:39,833 IS IN TROUBLE? 203 00:07:39,833 --> 00:07:41,067 - I DON'T KNOW, TALK TO 'EM, I GUESS. 204 00:07:41,067 --> 00:07:43,967 - BUT HE, OR SHE, WON'T LISTEN TO US 205 00:07:43,967 --> 00:07:46,067 BECAUSE HE, OR SHE, HAS BEEN HANGING OUT 206 00:07:46,067 --> 00:07:47,300 WITH A REALLY BAD DUDE. 207 00:07:47,300 --> 00:07:48,767 - OH, I SEE. 208 00:07:48,767 --> 00:07:51,067 YOUR FRIEND'S HAVING A GENDER IDENTITY CRISIS. 209 00:07:51,067 --> 00:07:53,433 - NO, OUR FRIEND IS SKIPPING SCHOOL 210 00:07:53,433 --> 00:07:57,867 AND TURNING INTO A GANGE-HEAD. 211 00:07:57,867 --> 00:08:00,167 - YOU STRIKE ME AS BEING VERY CONCERNED 212 00:08:00,167 --> 00:08:01,733 ABOUT YOUR FRIEND. 213 00:08:01,733 --> 00:08:04,133 I'D GO SO FAR AS TO CALL YOU 214 00:08:04,133 --> 00:08:07,400 THE CONCERNED FRIENDS. 215 00:08:07,400 --> 00:08:09,733 MY ADVICE IS TO GET INVOLVED 216 00:08:09,733 --> 00:08:12,200 IN AN AFTER-SCHOOL ACTIVITY. 217 00:08:12,200 --> 00:08:14,067 MING, CAN YOU REMOVE YOUR HAT PLEASE? 218 00:08:20,933 --> 00:08:22,767 HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT ABOUT ACTING? 219 00:08:22,767 --> 00:08:25,367 TAMARA HAD A MEMORABLE SCENERY-CHEWING TURN 220 00:08:25,367 --> 00:08:27,533 IN DEAD STACEY, BUT WHAT ABOUT YOU TWO? 221 00:08:27,533 --> 00:08:28,533 - I WAS IN IT TOO. 222 00:08:28,533 --> 00:08:30,133 - EH, NOT SO MEMORABLE. 223 00:08:30,133 --> 00:08:31,233 - HOW IS ACTING GOING TO HELP? 224 00:08:31,233 --> 00:08:32,933 - IT'LL FREE YOU UP AS PEOPLE. 225 00:08:32,933 --> 00:08:34,133 OKAY, PLEASE STAND UP. 226 00:08:34,133 --> 00:08:37,533 I'D LIKE TO TRY SOME IMPROV. 227 00:08:37,533 --> 00:08:38,733 - I'M CONFUSED. 228 00:08:38,733 --> 00:08:40,100 - YEAH, WHAT ARE WE SUPPOSED TO BE DOING? 229 00:08:40,100 --> 00:08:41,300 - YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE CONFUSED, 230 00:08:41,300 --> 00:08:43,433 AND YOU ARE SUCCEEDING. 231 00:08:43,433 --> 00:08:45,733 YOU, YOU'RE ABOUT TO BE SHIPPED OFF TO A GERMAN WORK CAMP. 232 00:08:45,733 --> 00:08:47,900 YOU CAN ONLY BRING ONE FRIEND. THE OTHER FRIEND WILL DIE. 233 00:08:47,900 --> 00:08:49,200 WHO DO YOU CHOOSE? DON'T THINK! 234 00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,600 - I DON'T KNOW, I CAN'T DECIDE! 235 00:08:50,600 --> 00:08:52,233 BUT I WOULD RATHER DIE THAN KILL OFF ONE OF MY FRIENDS. 236 00:08:52,233 --> 00:08:54,300 - OH, IMPRESSIVE. 237 00:08:56,133 --> 00:09:00,500 YOU TWO IN THE BACK, PLEASE STEP FORWARD. 238 00:09:00,500 --> 00:09:02,700 JAKE, TAKE ONE STEP BACK. 239 00:09:05,500 --> 00:09:07,700 YOU TWO IN THE FRONT ROW, CONGRATULATIONS, YOU MADE IT. 240 00:09:07,700 --> 00:09:10,167 - [squeals] - YOU IN THE BACK, 241 00:09:10,167 --> 00:09:11,767 I'M SORRY. 242 00:09:11,767 --> 00:09:13,533 YOU'LL HAVE TO TELL YOUR MOM THAT YOU'LL BE LATE TO DINNER, 243 00:09:13,533 --> 00:09:15,267 BECAUSE YOU MADE IT TOO! - I MADE WHAT? 244 00:09:15,267 --> 00:09:17,467 - MY A.S.S., MY AFTER SCHOOL SPECIAL VIDEO. 245 00:09:17,467 --> 00:09:19,733 - NO, I'M NOT DOING THAT. - NOT MY JAM. 246 00:09:19,733 --> 00:09:21,400 - I'LL GIVE YOU A MENTAL HEALTH DAY PASS TO SKIP SCHOOL. 247 00:09:21,400 --> 00:09:22,400 - DONE. - I'M IN. 248 00:09:22,400 --> 00:09:23,333 - I DON'T NEED THE PASS. 249 00:09:27,567 --> 00:09:30,600 - HAVE YOU STARTED YOUR ESSAY YET? 250 00:09:30,600 --> 00:09:32,633 - I'LL WRITE IT TONIGHT. 251 00:09:32,633 --> 00:09:33,733 IF I CAN STAY AWAKE. 252 00:09:33,733 --> 00:09:36,067 WHAT TIME DID YOU LEAVE LAST NIGHT--2:00? 253 00:09:36,067 --> 00:09:40,467 - MM, MORE LIKE 3:00. 254 00:09:40,467 --> 00:09:43,100 HEY. 255 00:09:43,100 --> 00:09:45,600 - WHAT IS IT? 256 00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,533 - A TICKET FOR THE "A" TRAIN. 257 00:09:50,567 --> 00:09:53,500 - WHAT IF I NEED A ROUND-TRIP TICKET? 258 00:09:55,767 --> 00:09:59,267 [energetic techno music] 259 00:09:59,267 --> 00:10:01,300 I HADN'T DECIDED WHAT TO WRITE MY ESSAY ABOUT, 260 00:10:01,300 --> 00:10:03,567 SO I WAS JUST WRITING ANYTHING THAT POPPED INTO MY HEAD. 261 00:10:03,567 --> 00:10:05,567 BUT WHY WAS IT SO HARD TO SETTLE ON A SUBJECT MATTER? 262 00:10:05,567 --> 00:10:07,233 HERO OR VILLAIN? MAYBE RUNNING AROUND THE BLOCK 263 00:10:07,233 --> 00:10:08,567 A FEW TIMES WOULD HELP ME DECIDE. 264 00:10:08,567 --> 00:10:11,233 I HAD NEVER FELT SO INSPIRED AND YET SO SCATTERED. 265 00:10:11,233 --> 00:10:14,200 IT WAS WEIRD AND AWESOME, BUT WHAT WAS EVEN AWESOMER-- 266 00:10:14,200 --> 00:10:15,533 [soft piano music] - THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS 267 00:10:15,533 --> 00:10:17,433 I HAD LEARNED ABOUT MYSELF OVER THE YEARS, 268 00:10:17,433 --> 00:10:19,867 BUT THE SINGLE MOST IMPORTANT THING WAS 269 00:10:19,867 --> 00:10:24,733 I LOVED WRITING ABOUT ME AND ALL MY STUPID PROBLEMS. 270 00:10:24,733 --> 00:10:26,267 MAYBE MY SIDE BRAID WAS CUTTING OFF 271 00:10:26,267 --> 00:10:27,667 THE CIRCULATION TO MY BRAIN, 272 00:10:27,667 --> 00:10:29,300 BUT I COULDN'T STOP DOING DUMB STUFF 273 00:10:29,300 --> 00:10:30,467 I WOULD REGRET LATER. 274 00:10:30,467 --> 00:10:32,033 - CUT! [bell rings] 275 00:10:32,033 --> 00:10:34,067 ENOUGH WITH THE BLOGGING. JESUS. 276 00:10:34,067 --> 00:10:36,367 SO BORING. AM I RIGHT? 277 00:10:36,367 --> 00:10:38,167 - TOTALLY. - WATCH YOURSELF. 278 00:10:38,167 --> 00:10:41,000 I WROTE YOU INTO THE SCRIPT, AND I CAN WRITE YOU OUT. 279 00:10:41,000 --> 00:10:42,633 - THIS IS ABOUT JENNA. 280 00:10:42,633 --> 00:10:44,200 - AND SHE IS NOT GONNA LIKE IT. 281 00:10:44,200 --> 00:10:46,533 - OR IT'LL SNAP HER OUT OF HER INSANITY. 282 00:10:46,533 --> 00:10:47,900 - OKAY. 283 00:10:47,900 --> 00:10:51,233 LET'S MOVE ON TO THE "ESTABLISH THE PROBLEM" MONTAGE. 284 00:10:51,233 --> 00:10:53,667 KYLE, YOU'RE THE GOOD GUY JOCK. 285 00:10:53,667 --> 00:10:55,233 JAKE, YOU'RE THE BAD GUY. 286 00:10:55,233 --> 00:10:56,900 - WHY DO I HAVE TO BE THE BAD GUY? 287 00:10:56,900 --> 00:10:58,300 - 'CAUSE YOU'RE ALWAYS TYPECAST AS A GOODY-GOODY. 288 00:10:58,300 --> 00:11:00,700 - IN WHAT? - IN LIFE. 289 00:11:00,700 --> 00:11:02,467 [scoffs] 290 00:11:02,467 --> 00:11:04,533 - I WASN'T ALWAYS A BAD GIRL. 291 00:11:04,533 --> 00:11:06,433 I WAS JUST BORING AND LAME. 292 00:11:06,433 --> 00:11:09,067 BUT LATELY, I HAD BECOME A HARD-CORE BITCH 293 00:11:09,067 --> 00:11:11,433 WHO ALSO HAPPENED TO BE BORING AND LAME. 294 00:11:11,433 --> 00:11:14,133 BUT IN ORDER TO UNDERSTAND HOW I GOT WHERE I WAS, 295 00:11:14,133 --> 00:11:16,633 YOU NEEDED TO KNOW WHERE I'D BEEN. 296 00:11:16,633 --> 00:11:18,600 AFTER GETTING CAUGHT CHEATING WITH CALVIN 297 00:11:18,600 --> 00:11:19,767 ON MY BOYFRIEND, DANNY, 298 00:11:19,767 --> 00:11:21,233 I LOST ALL MY FRIENDS. 299 00:11:21,233 --> 00:11:22,933 I WAS ALONE. 300 00:11:22,933 --> 00:11:25,533 BUT IT WASN'T LONG BEFORE I FOUND A NEW FRIEND 301 00:11:25,533 --> 00:11:27,200 TO LIFT MY SPIRITS-- 302 00:11:27,200 --> 00:11:28,967 MARY JANE. 303 00:11:28,967 --> 00:11:31,067 I HAD BECOME AN ADDICT AND A LOSER. 304 00:11:31,067 --> 00:11:32,067 WELL... [giggles] 305 00:11:32,067 --> 00:11:34,067 A MORE EPIC LOSER, 306 00:11:34,067 --> 00:11:37,533 SINCE I WAS A LOSER FROM THE START. 307 00:11:37,533 --> 00:11:38,800 BUT MY PIECE DE RESISTANCE WAS PUSHING AWAY 308 00:11:38,800 --> 00:11:40,767 THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO HAD TO LOVE ME... 309 00:11:40,767 --> 00:11:42,233 [door clicks open] 310 00:11:42,233 --> 00:11:43,833 PEOPLE WHO WERE FAR MORE ATTRACTIVE THAN ME 311 00:11:43,833 --> 00:11:45,467 AND IN NO WAY, SHAPE, OR FORM COULD HAVE BEEN 312 00:11:45,467 --> 00:11:47,067 MY BIOLOGICAL PARENTS, 313 00:11:47,067 --> 00:11:48,333 BECAUSE THEY WERE SMOKIN' HOT. 314 00:11:48,333 --> 00:11:50,567 I HATE YOU AND YOUR BOOBS! - I HATE YOU! 315 00:11:50,567 --> 00:11:52,833 - AND IT MADE ME WANT TO DIE... 316 00:11:52,833 --> 00:11:54,767 EVEN MORE THAN USUAL. 317 00:11:54,767 --> 00:11:56,700 [gags] 318 00:11:59,833 --> 00:12:01,667 - HEY, IT'S ME. 319 00:12:01,667 --> 00:12:03,767 I'M JUST CALLING TO SAY I MISS YOU. 320 00:12:03,767 --> 00:12:05,200 I KNOW IT'S ONLY BEEN TEN SECONDS, 321 00:12:05,200 --> 00:12:06,833 BUT I MISS YOU ALREADY. 322 00:12:06,833 --> 00:12:08,700 MEET ME IN MY ROOM IN 30? 323 00:12:08,700 --> 00:12:10,333 OKAY, BYE. WHOA. 324 00:12:10,333 --> 00:12:12,500 - WHAT THE HELL IS THIS? 325 00:12:12,500 --> 00:12:14,800 - YOU'RE SICK? - AND YOU'RE UNBELIEVABLE. 326 00:12:14,800 --> 00:12:16,300 YOU DON'T EVEN REMEMBER YOUR OWN LIES. 327 00:12:16,300 --> 00:12:17,700 THEY'RE FROM VALERIE. 328 00:12:17,700 --> 00:12:19,533 - SHE'S DOING THIS LAME VIDEO PROJECT AFTER SCHOOL, 329 00:12:19,533 --> 00:12:21,200 AND I CAN'T WASTE MY TIME ON THAT 330 00:12:21,200 --> 00:12:23,700 WHEN I'VE GOT AN IMPORTANT PAPER TO WRITE FOR MR. HART. 331 00:12:23,700 --> 00:12:25,633 IT'S GONNA BE PUBLISHED IN HIS LIT MAGAZINE. 332 00:12:25,633 --> 00:12:26,867 ISN'T THAT COOL? 333 00:12:26,867 --> 00:12:28,733 - SO YOU LIED TO VALERIE 334 00:12:28,733 --> 00:12:30,467 TO GET OUT OF DOING HER PROJECT, 335 00:12:30,467 --> 00:12:32,067 AND YOU USED ME AS YOUR EXCUSE, 336 00:12:32,067 --> 00:12:33,700 NOT TO MENTION YOUR DAD, 337 00:12:33,700 --> 00:12:36,767 WHO VALERIE NOW THINKS IS SOME CRAZY SEX FIEND. 338 00:12:36,767 --> 00:12:39,800 JENNA, SHE SENT ME A JELLYFISH BALLOON. 339 00:12:39,800 --> 00:12:41,533 - MOM, IT'S NO BIG DEAL-- - EH! 340 00:12:41,533 --> 00:12:42,533 GET IN THE CAR. 341 00:12:42,533 --> 00:12:44,533 YOU ARE DOING THIS LAME VIDEO, 342 00:12:44,533 --> 00:12:46,733 AND ON THE WAY OVER, YOU'RE GONNA EXPLAIN TO ME 343 00:12:46,733 --> 00:12:48,433 WHAT A BACKWARDS JELLYFISH IS. 344 00:12:48,433 --> 00:12:49,433 - CUT! 345 00:12:49,433 --> 00:12:51,633 [bell rings] 346 00:12:51,633 --> 00:12:53,100 [sighs] 347 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:55,133 I'VE SEEN ROCK BOTTOM, AND THAT WASN'T IT. 348 00:12:55,133 --> 00:12:57,533 WE ARE TALKING DEPTHS OF DESPAIR, 349 00:12:57,533 --> 00:13:01,200 BASEMENT LEVEL, ABSOLUTE BOTTOM. 350 00:13:01,200 --> 00:13:04,333 LIKE IF YOUR PARENTS LOST ALL THEIR MONEY. 351 00:13:04,333 --> 00:13:07,900 - IN THAT CASE, I WOULD DEFINITELY KILL MYSELF. 352 00:13:07,900 --> 00:13:09,533 IF I WERE JENNY. 353 00:13:09,533 --> 00:13:11,533 - I KNOW HOW TO MAKE FAKE BLOOD. 354 00:13:11,533 --> 00:13:14,333 IT TOTALLY LOOKS REAL. IT EVEN SMELLS REAL. 355 00:13:14,333 --> 00:13:16,867 BUT IT'S NOT. 356 00:13:16,867 --> 00:13:18,067 [eerie screech] 357 00:13:18,067 --> 00:13:19,933 - NO. NO. NO BLOOD. NO DYING. 358 00:13:19,933 --> 00:13:21,167 WE ARE NOT GONNA WIN THIS CONTEST 359 00:13:21,167 --> 00:13:22,200 WITH A SAD ENDING. 360 00:13:22,200 --> 00:13:25,067 THIS ISN'T THE GOLDEN GLOBES. 361 00:13:25,067 --> 00:13:28,767 - JENNY LIVES. 362 00:13:28,767 --> 00:13:30,067 - L-DOG! 363 00:13:30,067 --> 00:13:32,567 SO GOOD TO SEE YOU BACK ON YOUR FEET, 364 00:13:32,567 --> 00:13:34,400 YOU SNEAKY DICKENS, YOU. 365 00:13:34,400 --> 00:13:36,267 YOU KNOW, I'VE ALWAYS BELIEVED IN THE POWER 366 00:13:36,267 --> 00:13:38,367 OF A GOOD BALLOON ARRANGEMENT. 367 00:13:38,367 --> 00:13:40,700 THAT'S WHY THEY CALL IT "HEAL-IUM". 368 00:13:40,700 --> 00:13:42,533 - AND I AM HEALED! 369 00:13:42,533 --> 00:13:46,400 WHICH MEANS JENNA DOESN'T HAVE TO TAKE CARE OF ME ANYMORE. 370 00:13:46,400 --> 00:13:48,200 SHE IS ALL YOURS. 371 00:13:48,200 --> 00:13:49,200 - GREAT! 372 00:13:49,200 --> 00:13:53,700 F.Y.I., IT'S A CLOSED SET. 373 00:13:53,700 --> 00:13:54,800 PICK UP WHERE WE LEFT OFF! [bell rings] 374 00:13:54,800 --> 00:13:57,067 ANNND ACTION! VOICEOVER. 375 00:13:57,067 --> 00:13:58,767 - I HAD HIT ROCK BOTTOM, 376 00:13:58,767 --> 00:14:01,367 AND IT FELT SURPRISINGLY LIKE HOME. 377 00:14:01,367 --> 00:14:03,167 EVEN THOUGH THERE WAS NOWHERE TO GO BUT UP, 378 00:14:03,167 --> 00:14:05,600 I WANTED TO STAY THERE AND MOVE IN. 379 00:14:05,600 --> 00:14:07,433 - WHAT IS THIS? 380 00:14:07,433 --> 00:14:10,700 - AN UBER-TRAGIC TALE ABOUT A LOSER GIRL 381 00:14:10,700 --> 00:14:13,167 WHO WANTS TO DIE, CALLED... 382 00:14:13,167 --> 00:14:16,100 WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO ABOUT JENNY? 383 00:14:18,633 --> 00:14:20,367 - YOU'VE GOT TO BE [bleep] KIDDING ME. 384 00:14:24,067 --> 00:14:26,167 - JENNA, YOU ARE GOING TO BE 385 00:14:26,167 --> 00:14:27,233 CONCERNED FRIEND NUMBER FOUR. 386 00:14:27,233 --> 00:14:28,300 - ACTUALLY, I THINK I'D MAKE 387 00:14:28,300 --> 00:14:29,400 A MUCH BETTER ENEMY. 388 00:14:29,400 --> 00:14:30,733 - NO, NO, NO, NO. 389 00:14:30,733 --> 00:14:32,167 YOU'RE WAY TOO GOODY-TWO-SHOES TO PULL THAT OFF. 390 00:14:32,167 --> 00:14:34,200 ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP, ACTORS. 391 00:14:34,200 --> 00:14:35,500 YOU'RE IN THE MALL. 392 00:14:35,500 --> 00:14:37,467 THERE ARE ZOMBIES EVERYWHERE, 393 00:14:37,467 --> 00:14:39,067 AND THEY'RE HEADED FOR THE FOOD COURT-- 394 00:14:39,067 --> 00:14:40,933 ONLY YOU ARE THE FOOD. 395 00:14:40,933 --> 00:14:43,633 THAT IS YOUR EMOTIONAL STATE. AND ACTION! 396 00:14:47,333 --> 00:14:48,700 - GET OUT OF MY ROOM! 397 00:14:48,700 --> 00:14:50,833 - WE CAN'T WATCH YOU THROW AWAY YOUR LIFE! 398 00:14:50,833 --> 00:14:52,400 - MY LIFE IS OVER! 399 00:14:52,400 --> 00:14:54,200 I HAD A HOT BOYFRIEND WHO LOVED ME 400 00:14:54,200 --> 00:14:57,700 EVEN THOUGH I'M AN UNLOVABLE, PLAIN LOSER FREAK 401 00:14:57,700 --> 00:14:58,967 WITH NO FASHION SENSE, 402 00:14:58,967 --> 00:15:02,067 BUT I DUMPED HIM FOR A POTHEAD DOUCHE HOLE, 403 00:15:02,067 --> 00:15:03,467 AND NOW I HAVE TO LIVE WITH THAT, 404 00:15:03,467 --> 00:15:04,900 WHICH IS WHY I GET HIGH 405 00:15:04,900 --> 00:15:06,633 JUST TO MAKE IT THROUGH THE DAY. 406 00:15:06,633 --> 00:15:09,067 - I DON'T CARE IF YOU HATE US RIGHT NOW. 407 00:15:09,067 --> 00:15:11,067 WE'RE YOUR FRIENDS, AND YOU NEED TO HEAR THIS. 408 00:15:11,067 --> 00:15:12,700 - I HAVE NO FRIENDS! 409 00:15:12,700 --> 00:15:14,100 I'M A LOSER! 410 00:15:14,100 --> 00:15:16,767 I'M SO DIRTY AND GROSS AND HIGH, 411 00:15:16,767 --> 00:15:18,733 I JUST WANT TO KILL MYSELF! 412 00:15:18,733 --> 00:15:20,467 - STOP TALKING LIKE THAT. WE LOVE YOU, 413 00:15:20,467 --> 00:15:21,933 AND WE'RE WORRIED ABOUT YOU. 414 00:15:21,933 --> 00:15:23,933 - ACTUALLY, JENNY, I'M NOT WORRIED ABOUT YOU AT ALL. 415 00:15:23,933 --> 00:15:25,433 YOU SEEM FINE TO ME, 416 00:15:25,433 --> 00:15:27,167 SO GO ON AND LIVE YOUR LIFE, 417 00:15:27,167 --> 00:15:28,633 WHICH IS NONE OF OUR BUSINESS. 418 00:15:28,633 --> 00:15:30,233 WE'LL LEAVE YOU ALONE. 419 00:15:30,233 --> 00:15:31,467 - WE ALREADY LEFT HER ALONE, 420 00:15:31,467 --> 00:15:33,800 AND SHE MADE SOME VERY BAD CHOICES. 421 00:15:33,800 --> 00:15:35,633 - SO WHAT? THEY WERE HER CHOICES. 422 00:15:35,633 --> 00:15:37,100 - WERE THEY? BECAUSE IT SEEMED LIKE JENNY 423 00:15:37,100 --> 00:15:39,800 WAS JUST DOING WHATEVER HER BOYFRIEND WANTED HER TO DO. 424 00:15:39,800 --> 00:15:42,067 - AND THAT GUY IS BAD NEWS. 425 00:15:42,067 --> 00:15:43,867 - THEY'RE IMPROVISING. 426 00:15:43,867 --> 00:15:46,300 - OH, IMPROV. 427 00:15:46,300 --> 00:15:47,367 - YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW CALVIN, 428 00:15:47,367 --> 00:15:48,467 AND I CAN SAY THAT FOR A FACT 429 00:15:48,467 --> 00:15:50,067 BECAUSE I HARDLY KNOW HIM, 430 00:15:50,067 --> 00:15:51,300 BECAUSE WE'RE TOO BUSY GETTING HIGH 431 00:15:51,300 --> 00:15:53,933 AND DOING IT TO HAVE AN ACTUAL CONVERSATION. 432 00:15:53,933 --> 00:15:56,367 - NOT TRUE--YOU AND CALVIN HAVE MEANINGFUL CONVERSATIONS 433 00:15:56,367 --> 00:15:57,533 ALL THE TIME. 434 00:15:57,533 --> 00:15:58,800 - I THINK JENNY'S JUST DATING HIM 435 00:15:58,800 --> 00:16:00,500 'CAUSE SHE LIKES HANGING OUT WITH A BAD BOY. 436 00:16:00,500 --> 00:16:03,367 - OR MAYBE BECAUSE HE HAS THE SWEET POT CONNECTIONS. 437 00:16:03,367 --> 00:16:06,067 - OR MAYBE BECAUSE HE OWNS A JET SKI! 438 00:16:06,067 --> 00:16:07,500 - SHE'S DATING HIM BECAUSE SHE LIKES HIM. 439 00:16:07,500 --> 00:16:08,633 END OF STORY. 440 00:16:08,633 --> 00:16:10,067 - ALL THIS FIGHTING AND ARGUING 441 00:16:10,067 --> 00:16:11,700 JUST MAKES ME WANT TO DIE MORE! 442 00:16:11,700 --> 00:16:12,967 - YOU ARE SO OUT OF IT, 443 00:16:12,967 --> 00:16:14,367 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING! 444 00:16:14,367 --> 00:16:16,500 - I AM NOT OUT OF IT, AND I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP, 445 00:16:16,500 --> 00:16:17,867 SO LEAVE ME ALONE. 446 00:16:17,867 --> 00:16:20,667 [The Dig's Over You] 447 00:16:20,667 --> 00:16:27,533 - * FALL INTO A DREAM 448 00:16:27,533 --> 00:16:31,067 * IN A HOLLOW ROOM 449 00:16:31,067 --> 00:16:32,900 - UH, GIVE ME A MINUTE. 450 00:16:32,900 --> 00:16:34,967 - * FROZEN IN A SLEEP 451 00:16:34,967 --> 00:16:36,067 - HEY. 452 00:16:36,067 --> 00:16:37,267 - WHAT? 453 00:16:37,267 --> 00:16:38,633 ARE YOU GONNA TALK TO ME TOO? 454 00:16:38,633 --> 00:16:40,233 TELL ME I'M GOING DOWN THE WRONG PATH, 455 00:16:40,233 --> 00:16:42,100 HANGING OUT WITH BAD PEOPLE? 456 00:16:42,100 --> 00:16:44,333 YOU WANNA WARN ME? GO FOR IT. 457 00:16:44,333 --> 00:16:48,300 - * CALLING OUT TO ME 458 00:16:48,300 --> 00:16:51,200 - NOPE. 459 00:16:51,200 --> 00:16:54,967 - * CALLING OUT MY NAME 460 00:16:54,967 --> 00:16:56,433 - I'M SORRY, J. 461 00:16:56,433 --> 00:16:59,667 YOU'RE SUSPENDED. 462 00:17:04,400 --> 00:17:06,533 - I GOT YOU THE PILLS, BUT THIS ISN'T ENOUGH. 463 00:17:06,533 --> 00:17:07,633 - IT'S ALL I GOT. 464 00:17:07,633 --> 00:17:08,633 I'LL GIVE YOU THE REST TOMORROW, DUDE. 465 00:17:08,633 --> 00:17:09,633 I SWEAR. 466 00:17:09,633 --> 00:17:10,967 - THAT'S NOT GOOD ENOUGH. 467 00:17:10,967 --> 00:17:13,700 guys: [grunting] 468 00:17:13,700 --> 00:17:15,833 - UGH! 469 00:17:15,833 --> 00:17:18,133 - OH, MY GOD, YOU KILLED HIM! 470 00:17:18,133 --> 00:17:20,067 - OH! 471 00:17:20,067 --> 00:17:22,067 [gasping] 472 00:17:22,067 --> 00:17:25,100 [dramatic synthesizer music] 473 00:17:25,100 --> 00:17:30,833 * 474 00:17:30,833 --> 00:17:34,600 - CALVIN! 475 00:17:34,600 --> 00:17:38,933 NOOO... 476 00:17:38,933 --> 00:17:40,633 ALL THIS FIGHTING AND ARGUING 477 00:17:40,633 --> 00:17:43,067 JUST MAKES ME WANT TO DIE MORE! 478 00:17:43,067 --> 00:17:44,267 - YOU ARE SO OUT OF IT, 479 00:17:44,267 --> 00:17:45,800 YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. 480 00:17:45,800 --> 00:17:47,633 - I AM NOT OUT OF IT, AND I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP, 481 00:17:47,633 --> 00:17:48,633 SO JUST LEAVE ME ALONE. 482 00:17:48,633 --> 00:17:50,667 - I JUST WANT TO KILL MYSELF! 483 00:17:50,667 --> 00:17:57,533 * 484 00:17:57,533 --> 00:17:59,067 I WANTED TO DIE. 485 00:17:59,067 --> 00:18:00,433 I DESERVE TO DIE. 486 00:18:00,433 --> 00:18:03,567 BUT I GUESS IT'S TIME FOR ME TO START LIVING... 487 00:18:03,567 --> 00:18:06,500 FOR NOW. 488 00:18:08,767 --> 00:18:11,867 [uplifting music] 489 00:18:11,867 --> 00:18:19,800 * 490 00:18:23,467 --> 00:18:25,867 - FIRST PRIZE GOES TO... 491 00:18:25,867 --> 00:18:28,700 VALERIE MARKS, FOR HER MOVING PORTRAIT 492 00:18:28,700 --> 00:18:31,967 OF A DEEPLY TROUBLED GIRL WHO LOST HER WAY. 493 00:18:34,067 --> 00:18:37,067 DEEPLY TROUBLED GIRL WHO LOST HER WAY... 494 00:18:40,067 --> 00:18:41,300 - YOU ARE SO OUT OF IT, YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW 495 00:18:41,300 --> 00:18:42,667 WHAT YOU'RE SAYING. 496 00:18:42,667 --> 00:18:44,233 - I AM NOT OUT OF IT, AND I DON'T NEED YOUR HELP, 497 00:18:44,233 --> 00:18:47,233 SO JUST LEAVE ME ALO-- [click] 498 00:18:47,233 --> 00:18:49,633 - OH, MY GOD. 499 00:18:49,633 --> 00:18:51,167 I WAS SO BUSY WITH MY A.S.S., 500 00:18:51,167 --> 00:18:53,600 I DIDN'T SEE THE A.S.S. IN FRONT OF MY FACE. 501 00:18:53,600 --> 00:18:55,733 JENNA IS JENNY. 502 00:18:55,733 --> 00:18:57,733 [doorbell rings] 503 00:18:57,733 --> 00:18:59,733 [crickets chirping] 504 00:18:59,733 --> 00:19:00,900 - WHY ARE YOU HERE? 505 00:19:00,900 --> 00:19:03,067 - I'M THE HELP THAT ARRIVES. YAY! 506 00:19:03,067 --> 00:19:04,167 - WELL, I DON'T NEED IT, 507 00:19:04,167 --> 00:19:05,267 SO WHY DON'T YOU BE THE HELP 508 00:19:05,267 --> 00:19:06,267 THAT GOES THE HELL AWAY? 509 00:19:06,267 --> 00:19:07,500 - THAT'S THE POT TALKING. 510 00:19:07,500 --> 00:19:09,933 AND I AM SORRY THAT IT TOOK ME SO LONG 511 00:19:09,933 --> 00:19:12,267 TO GET UP TO SPEED-- WHICH YOU MIGHT BE ON TOO. 512 00:19:12,267 --> 00:19:14,567 BUT I'M READY NOW. 513 00:19:14,567 --> 00:19:17,267 AND AS YOUR FRIEND, I'M READY TO HELP, 514 00:19:17,267 --> 00:19:18,733 'CAUSE YOU'RE MY GIRL. 515 00:19:18,733 --> 00:19:21,067 - YOUR GIRL. 516 00:19:21,067 --> 00:19:22,633 DON'T YOU SEE HOW WEIRD THAT IS? 517 00:19:22,633 --> 00:19:23,900 NO, OF COURSE YOU DON'T, 518 00:19:23,900 --> 00:19:25,333 'CAUSE YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND BOUNDARIES. 519 00:19:25,333 --> 00:19:26,933 I'M NOT YOUR FRIEND, 520 00:19:26,933 --> 00:19:28,233 AND I NEVER HAVE BEEN. 521 00:19:28,233 --> 00:19:30,233 YOU'RE JUST MY GUIDANCE COUNSELOR, 522 00:19:30,233 --> 00:19:34,667 AND A SUCKY ONE AT THAT. 523 00:19:34,667 --> 00:19:35,767 SINCE I HAD KNOWN HER, 524 00:19:35,767 --> 00:19:37,567 VALERIE HAD ALWAYS CROSSED THE LINE, 525 00:19:37,567 --> 00:19:39,767 AND I HAD ALWAYS LET IT SLIDE. 526 00:19:39,767 --> 00:19:42,200 BUT WHAT WAS THE POINT OF OUR SPECIAL FRIENDSHIP 527 00:19:42,200 --> 00:19:43,600 IF SHE WASN'T GOING TO LET ME OFF 528 00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:45,233 WITH A SLAP ON THE WRIST? 529 00:19:45,233 --> 00:19:46,600 AS FAR AS I WAS CONCERNED, 530 00:19:46,600 --> 00:19:49,467 BY SUSPENDING ME, SHE HAD CROSSED OVER THE LINE 531 00:19:49,467 --> 00:19:52,667 TO THE POINT OF NO RETURN, 532 00:19:52,667 --> 00:19:55,367 WHICH IS EXACTLY WHERE I WANTED TO BE... 533 00:19:59,733 --> 00:20:02,100 UNTIL I FOUND A DRUG THAT WAS GOING TO MAKE ME 534 00:20:02,100 --> 00:20:04,333 FEEL REALLY GOOD-- 535 00:20:04,333 --> 00:20:05,600 REVENGE. 536 00:20:05,600 --> 00:20:07,467 THE GOOD THING ABOUT HAVING BEEN SUSPENDED? 537 00:20:07,467 --> 00:20:10,533 I HAD PLENTY OF TIME TO FINISH HART'S ASSIGNMENT, 538 00:20:10,533 --> 00:20:13,100 AND I KNEW EXACTLY WHO I WOULD WRITE ABOUT. 539 00:20:13,100 --> 00:20:16,300 ONLY THERE WEREN'T GOING TO BE ANY HEROES IN MY STORY, 540 00:20:16,300 --> 00:20:18,333 JUST A VILLAIN. 541 00:20:18,333 --> 00:20:20,567 ONE VERY FAMILIAR VILLAIN. 542 00:20:20,567 --> 00:20:24,600 - * RIGHT TO SHARE YOUR QUERIES * 543 00:20:24,600 --> 00:20:29,400 * OF THE DAY 544 00:20:29,400 --> 00:20:33,267 * 545 00:20:33,267 --> 00:20:35,967 - IT WAS TIME FOR ME TO TAKE THAT BITCH DOWN. 546 00:20:38,967 --> 00:20:40,167 - NEXT, ON AWKWARD... WHAT'S GOING ON HERE? 547 00:20:40,167 --> 00:20:41,633 - LIL' BITCH, THIS IS YOUR INTERVENTION. 548 00:20:41,633 --> 00:20:42,700 [grunts] - YOU'RE ALL A BUNCH 549 00:20:42,700 --> 00:20:44,367 OF HYPOCRITES. 550 00:20:44,367 --> 00:20:45,767 - YOU'RE GROUNDED. - I'M OUT. 551 00:20:45,767 --> 00:20:47,533 - IF YOU LEAVE... - WHAT? 552 00:20:47,533 --> 00:20:49,233 - DON'T COME BACK. 553 00:20:49,233 --> 00:20:51,667 - YOU MADE IT. [giggles] 554 00:20:51,667 --> 00:20:54,033 - YOU MADE IT TOO. [laughs nervously] 555 00:20:54,033 --> 00:20:55,667 SO RANDOM, RUNNING INTO ANGELIQUE HERE. 556 00:20:55,667 --> 00:20:57,500 - ACTUALLY, I INVITED HER. 39172

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