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These are the user uploaded subtitles that are being translated: 1 00:00:03,037 --> 00:00:04,272 - PREVIOUSLY ON AWKWARD... 2 00:00:04,272 --> 00:00:07,208 - ONE A DAY KEEPS THE BABY AWAY. 3 00:00:07,208 --> 00:00:08,942 - OH, YES. 4 00:00:08,942 --> 00:00:10,278 - NO ONE WANTS TO BE AROUND ME. 5 00:00:10,278 --> 00:00:13,214 AT SCHOOL, EVERYONE HATES ME. 6 00:00:13,214 --> 00:00:16,517 - I'M CRAZY ABOUT YOU. 7 00:00:19,487 --> 00:00:20,754 - THERE WERE CERTAIN THINGS IN MY LIFE 8 00:00:20,754 --> 00:00:22,590 I ALWAYS WANTED TO KEEP TO MYSELF. 9 00:00:22,590 --> 00:00:25,659 FOR EXAMPLE, MY SECRET FOR SHINY HAIR, 10 00:00:25,659 --> 00:00:30,631 MY RIDICULOUS SUPERSTITIONS... 11 00:00:30,631 --> 00:00:33,701 AND MY BIRTH CONTROL PILLS. 12 00:00:33,701 --> 00:00:37,438 [ominous music] 13 00:00:37,438 --> 00:00:39,640 - [whispering] HOW DID HE FIND THEM? 14 00:00:39,640 --> 00:00:41,109 - I THINK I LEFT THEM IN THE GUEST BATH. 15 00:00:41,109 --> 00:00:42,710 - DON'T WORRY. 16 00:00:42,710 --> 00:00:43,977 I GOT THIS. 17 00:00:43,977 --> 00:00:45,279 [yelling] WHAT ARE THESE? 18 00:00:45,279 --> 00:00:46,714 - YOU KNOW WHAT THOSE ARE. 19 00:00:46,714 --> 00:00:48,449 - I CAN EXPLAIN. 20 00:00:48,449 --> 00:00:51,119 - HA HA, JENNA, I KNOW HOW BIRTH CONTROL WORKS. 21 00:00:51,119 --> 00:00:53,321 WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME YOU WERE ON THE PILL? 22 00:00:53,321 --> 00:00:55,289 - IT'S A SURPRISE. 23 00:00:55,289 --> 00:00:58,226 ACTUALLY, FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY... [giggles] 24 00:00:58,226 --> 00:01:00,694 THREE MONTHS AGO. 25 00:01:00,694 --> 00:01:01,695 BUT WE SHOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS CONVERSATION 26 00:01:01,695 --> 00:01:03,197 IN FRONT OF JENNA. 27 00:01:03,197 --> 00:01:05,866 - I AGREE. GONNA TAKE MY BREAKFAST ON THE GO. 28 00:01:05,866 --> 00:01:07,535 - LACE? 29 00:01:07,535 --> 00:01:09,837 WHY ARE WE STILL USING CONDOMS? 30 00:01:12,140 --> 00:01:14,775 JENNA! 31 00:01:14,775 --> 00:01:16,444 [typing] 32 00:01:16,444 --> 00:01:18,612 [crash] 33 00:01:18,612 --> 00:01:20,248 - IN THAT MOMENT, 34 00:01:20,248 --> 00:01:22,783 MY DAD WENT THROUGH ALL FIVE STAGES OF GRIEF 35 00:01:22,783 --> 00:01:25,286 FOR THE LOSS OF HIS ONLY DAUGHTER'S VIRGINITY. 36 00:01:25,286 --> 00:01:26,820 DENIAL. 37 00:01:26,820 --> 00:01:29,457 ANGER. 38 00:01:29,457 --> 00:01:31,592 BARGAINING. 39 00:01:31,592 --> 00:01:34,395 DEPRESSION. 40 00:01:34,395 --> 00:01:37,765 ACCEPTANCE. 41 00:01:37,765 --> 00:01:40,168 - [types on keypad] - WHAT ARE YOU DOING? 42 00:01:40,168 --> 00:01:42,670 - LOOKING UP MATTY'S PARENTS' NUMBER IN THE ONLINE DIRECTORY. 43 00:01:42,670 --> 00:01:43,771 - HE ADDED ONE MORE: 44 00:01:43,771 --> 00:01:44,905 BROADCASTING. 45 00:01:44,905 --> 00:01:46,174 MOM, DON'T LET HIM DO THIS. 46 00:01:46,174 --> 00:01:48,909 - KEVIN...DON'T DO THIS. 47 00:01:48,909 --> 00:01:50,244 - REALLY? THAT'S THE BEST YOU CAN DO? 48 00:01:50,244 --> 00:01:52,180 DAD, PLEASE THINK BEFORE YOU ACT. 49 00:01:52,180 --> 00:01:54,315 - I AM THINKING BEFORE I ACT. 50 00:01:54,315 --> 00:01:56,250 BECAUSE IF I WERE TO ACT BEFORE THINKING 51 00:01:56,250 --> 00:01:57,318 MATTY WOULD BE DEAD. 52 00:01:57,318 --> 00:01:58,952 I'M CALLING. 53 00:01:58,952 --> 00:02:00,654 THEY NEED TO KNOW THAT THEIR SON IS HAVING SEX. 54 00:02:00,654 --> 00:02:02,523 - I AGREE WITH YOUR FATHER. - WHAT? 55 00:02:02,523 --> 00:02:04,057 - WELL, IT'S JUST GOOD PARENTING, JENNA. 56 00:02:04,057 --> 00:02:05,326 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHY YOU GUYS ARE MAKING 57 00:02:05,326 --> 00:02:06,927 SUCH A BIG DEAL OF THIS. 58 00:02:06,927 --> 00:02:09,697 YOU BOUGHT ME CONDOMS. YOU KNEW WHAT COULD HAPPEN! 59 00:02:09,697 --> 00:02:12,566 - I CAN SEE HOW THAT IS A CONFUSING MESSAGE TO SEND HER. 60 00:02:12,566 --> 00:02:15,068 - THE CONDOMS WERE A PREEMPTIVE STRIKE 61 00:02:15,068 --> 00:02:16,870 TO MAKE SURE THAT YOU'D BE SAFE 62 00:02:16,870 --> 00:02:19,072 WHENTHE TIME CAME, 63 00:02:19,072 --> 00:02:21,108 WHICH I HOPED WAS WELL INTO YOUR 20s. 64 00:02:21,108 --> 00:02:22,610 - THAT MAKES NO SENSE. 65 00:02:22,610 --> 00:02:24,278 - IT DOESN'T HAVE TO MAKE SENSE TO YOU! 66 00:02:24,278 --> 00:02:25,913 IT ONLY HAS TO MAKE SENSE TO ME! 67 00:02:25,913 --> 00:02:28,549 I'M YOUR FATHER! - HE'S RIGHT. 68 00:02:28,549 --> 00:02:30,918 EVEN THOUGH IT REALLY DOESN'T MAKE SENSE TO ME. 69 00:02:30,918 --> 00:02:34,021 - DAD, PLEASE DON'T DO-- MOM, HELP ME, HELP ME. 70 00:02:34,021 --> 00:02:36,023 - KEVIN... - HANG UP, HANG UP, HANG UP... 71 00:02:36,023 --> 00:02:37,525 - JUST PUT DOWN THE PHONE. - HANG UP, HANG UP. 72 00:02:37,525 --> 00:02:38,592 PLEASE, I AM BEGGING YOU, HANG UP THE PHONE! 73 00:02:38,592 --> 00:02:40,361 - HELLO, THIS IS KEVIN HAMILTON, 74 00:02:40,361 --> 00:02:42,095 JENNA'S DAD. 75 00:02:42,095 --> 00:02:46,234 I THINK THAT YOU SHOULD KNOW OUR CHILDREN ARE HAVING SEX. 76 00:02:46,234 --> 00:02:49,237 CALL ME BACK IF YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THIS. 77 00:02:49,237 --> 00:02:53,106 - YOU LEFT A VOICE MAIL? 78 00:02:53,106 --> 00:02:55,042 [overlapping chattering] 79 00:02:55,042 --> 00:02:59,280 - FOLLOW THE SOUND OF THE CLAPPING NOISE, MONKEYS. 80 00:02:59,280 --> 00:03:00,814 SINCE WE HAD TO SKIP LUNCH 81 00:03:00,814 --> 00:03:02,483 TO SQUEEZE IN THIS EXTRA PRACTICE, 82 00:03:02,483 --> 00:03:04,051 I'LL KEEP MY NOTES SHORT. 83 00:03:04,051 --> 00:03:07,054 KATIE, YOU'RE HYPER-EXTENDING YOUR RUSSIANS. 84 00:03:07,054 --> 00:03:09,457 NO ONE WANTS TO SEE YOUR FLYING "V." 85 00:03:09,457 --> 00:03:12,260 TOBIN, YELL FROM YOUR DIAPHRAGM. 86 00:03:12,260 --> 00:03:13,527 YOU KNOW, THAT PLACE THAT'S LOCATED 87 00:03:13,527 --> 00:03:15,663 DIRECTLY UNDER YOUR ITTY-BITTIES? 88 00:03:15,663 --> 00:03:17,665 AND JESSICA, 89 00:03:17,665 --> 00:03:19,367 YOU NEED TO SKIP A FEW MORE LUNCHES. 90 00:03:19,367 --> 00:03:23,671 [overlapping chattering] 91 00:03:23,671 --> 00:03:25,005 - SHUT THE [bleep] UP 92 00:03:25,005 --> 00:03:26,874 AND LET'S START WITH PARTNER STUNTS! 93 00:03:26,874 --> 00:03:28,809 LISSA! 94 00:03:28,809 --> 00:03:30,043 - [peppy] READY, OKAY. 95 00:03:30,043 --> 00:03:31,479 [whistle blows] 96 00:03:31,479 --> 00:03:33,381 - WHAT THE HELL IS EVERYONE GOSSIPING ABOUT? 97 00:03:33,381 --> 00:03:35,649 IS THE THE RICKY SCHWARTZ BULL[bleep] AGAIN? 98 00:03:35,649 --> 00:03:37,385 LIKE, I MURDERED HIM? 99 00:03:37,385 --> 00:03:40,854 'CAUSE IF IT IS, THIS [bleep] IS GETTING REALLY OLD. 100 00:03:40,854 --> 00:03:42,189 - UH, NO, NO. [laughs] 101 00:03:42,189 --> 00:03:44,358 THAT'S NOT IT. 102 00:03:44,358 --> 00:03:46,427 ONE, TWO. 103 00:03:46,427 --> 00:03:49,162 - THEN WHAT THE HELL IS IT? 104 00:03:49,162 --> 00:03:50,564 - NOTHING. 105 00:03:50,564 --> 00:03:52,933 - YOU WANT ME TO WALK INTO A LOW BRANCH? 106 00:03:52,933 --> 00:03:56,036 - EVERYONE'S TALKING ABOUT HOW YOUR PARENTS ARE BROKE. 107 00:03:56,036 --> 00:03:57,204 [screams, thud] 108 00:03:57,204 --> 00:03:58,406 - IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. 109 00:03:58,406 --> 00:04:00,741 I LEFT MY PILLS IN THE GUEST BATH. 110 00:04:00,741 --> 00:04:02,943 - OOH, THAT REMINDS ME, I REALLY NEED TO GET ON THE PILL. 111 00:04:02,943 --> 00:04:04,912 - ARE YOU GUYS HAVING SEX? - NOT YET. 112 00:04:04,912 --> 00:04:06,914 BUT SOON, AND THEN JAKE-ARA 113 00:04:06,914 --> 00:04:08,482 WILL FINALLY HAVE SOMETHING OVER JAKE-ENNA. 114 00:04:08,482 --> 00:04:09,917 THERE'S JUST ONE THING KEEPING ME 115 00:04:09,917 --> 00:04:11,585 FROM BEING THE FIRST LADY OF HUMP CITY. 116 00:04:11,585 --> 00:04:12,853 I'M WAITING FOR HIM TO SAY "I LOVE YOU." 117 00:04:12,853 --> 00:04:14,422 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 118 00:04:14,422 --> 00:04:15,689 HE SAYS "JE T'AIME" ALL THE TIME. 119 00:04:15,689 --> 00:04:17,358 - NOT THE SAME THING. 120 00:04:17,358 --> 00:04:18,459 HE SAID "JE T'AIME" WHEN WE WERE ABROAD. 121 00:04:18,459 --> 00:04:20,027 AND HE WAS IN A FRANCE-TRANCE. 122 00:04:20,027 --> 00:04:21,662 AND HE ONLY SAYS IT NOW BECAUSE HE ALREADY SAID IT, 123 00:04:21,662 --> 00:04:23,364 AND IT'S STRONGER THAN AN "I LIKE YOU," 124 00:04:23,364 --> 00:04:24,632 BUT NOT QUITE AN "I LOVE YOU," 125 00:04:24,632 --> 00:04:25,833 WHICH IS AS HIGH AS YOU CAN GO LOVE-WISE. 126 00:04:25,833 --> 00:04:27,134 - I'M SURE HE'LL SAY IT SOON. 127 00:04:27,134 --> 00:04:28,469 [shutter clicks] 128 00:04:28,469 --> 00:04:30,638 - MY LAST PRE-SEX SELFIE. 129 00:04:30,638 --> 00:04:32,640 - YOU KNOW IT'S A MYTH THAT YOU LOOK DIFFERENT AFTER. 130 00:04:32,640 --> 00:04:33,707 - UM, YOU LOOKED DIFFERENT. 131 00:04:33,707 --> 00:04:35,142 - I CALL SHENANIGANS. 132 00:04:35,142 --> 00:04:37,345 I DIDN'T TELL YOU UNTIL WEEKS LATER. 133 00:04:37,345 --> 00:04:39,212 - BUT I KNEW SOMETHING CHANGED, AND IT WASN'T YOUR BANGS, 134 00:04:39,212 --> 00:04:41,782 BECAUSE THOSE HAVE BEEN THE SAME SINCE 1998. 135 00:04:43,851 --> 00:04:46,354 - WELL, I HOPE, WHEN YOU DO HAVE SEX, 136 00:04:46,354 --> 00:04:48,656 YOUR DAD DOESN'T CALL HIS DAD TO ANNOUNCE IT. 137 00:04:48,656 --> 00:04:49,957 HOW AM I GONNA WARN MATTY? 138 00:04:49,957 --> 00:04:51,525 - JUST BLURT IT OUT, AND THEN BOLT. 139 00:04:51,525 --> 00:04:54,495 THAT'S HOW I TOLD MY MOM I BROKE HER VIBRATOR. 140 00:04:54,495 --> 00:04:55,896 I THOUGHT IT WAS A NECK MASSAGER. 141 00:04:55,896 --> 00:04:58,131 ANYWAY, GOOD LUCK, GOTTA RUN. [laughs] 142 00:04:58,131 --> 00:05:00,033 SEE, JUST LIKE THAT. 143 00:05:00,033 --> 00:05:03,236 [tense music] 144 00:05:03,236 --> 00:05:05,939 ** 145 00:05:05,939 --> 00:05:08,642 - HEY. 146 00:05:08,642 --> 00:05:10,878 - HEY, SO MY DAD CALLED YOUR PARENTS 147 00:05:10,878 --> 00:05:11,945 AND TOLD THEM WE'RE HAVING SEX. 148 00:05:11,945 --> 00:05:13,381 GOTTA GO, BYE. 149 00:05:13,381 --> 00:05:16,717 - WHAT? ALL THIS EXTRA PRACTICE WAS FOR NOTHING. 150 00:05:16,717 --> 00:05:18,552 - IT WAS AN ACCIDENT. - WE HAVE TO CALL THE ALTERNATE. 151 00:05:18,552 --> 00:05:19,887 NO WAY LISSA'S GOING TO RECOVER. 152 00:05:19,887 --> 00:05:21,254 SHE'LL BE OUT THE WHOLE SEASON. 153 00:05:21,254 --> 00:05:23,090 - WE'RE NOT CALLING THE ALTERNATE. 154 00:05:23,090 --> 00:05:24,892 THAT IS THE FINAL WORD. 155 00:05:24,892 --> 00:05:27,260 - ACTUALLY, IT'S NOT THE FINAL WORD, 156 00:05:27,260 --> 00:05:28,796 BECAUSE I HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY. 157 00:05:28,796 --> 00:05:31,298 THE P.H.H.S. CHEER BYLAWS 158 00:05:31,298 --> 00:05:33,401 DO ALLOW FOR AN ALTERNATE SUBSTITUTE 159 00:05:33,401 --> 00:05:37,438 IN CASE OF INJURY, FAILING GRADES, OR POLIO. 160 00:05:37,438 --> 00:05:38,672 THEY WERE WRITTEN IN THE '50s. 161 00:05:38,672 --> 00:05:40,974 - GUYS, I'M SURE I'LL BE FINE. 162 00:05:40,974 --> 00:05:42,109 I JUST NEED TO GET ON MY FEET. 163 00:05:42,109 --> 00:05:44,177 COULD SOMEBODY HELP ME UP? 164 00:05:44,177 --> 00:05:45,846 [indistinct radio chatter] 165 00:05:45,846 --> 00:05:46,914 - LISTEN TO ME. 166 00:05:46,914 --> 00:05:48,315 LISSA CHEERED AT NATIONALS 167 00:05:48,315 --> 00:05:49,783 THE DAY AFTER A BIRD FLEW INTO HER FACE 168 00:05:49,783 --> 00:05:50,984 ON A ROLLER COASTER. 169 00:05:50,984 --> 00:05:52,820 WE DO NOT NEED THE ALTERNATE. 170 00:05:52,820 --> 00:05:54,588 - I'LL BE FINE! 171 00:05:54,588 --> 00:05:56,023 [class bell rings] - ALL RIGHT, LISTEN UP. 172 00:05:56,023 --> 00:05:57,290 I WANT TO CONGRATULATE ALL OF YOU 173 00:05:57,290 --> 00:05:58,759 FOR INSPIRING ME... 174 00:05:58,759 --> 00:06:01,261 TO COME UP WITH A WHOLE NEW GRADING SYSTEM. 175 00:06:01,261 --> 00:06:03,230 THAT'S RIGHT: LETTERS WOULD NOT SUFFICE. 176 00:06:03,230 --> 00:06:05,833 I HAD TO USE WORDS. 177 00:06:05,833 --> 00:06:08,168 "CANCEROUS." 178 00:06:08,168 --> 00:06:10,003 "NAUSEATING." 179 00:06:10,003 --> 00:06:12,072 UH, "DEBILITATING." 180 00:06:12,072 --> 00:06:13,574 UH, NICE ONE. 181 00:06:13,574 --> 00:06:16,777 "SELF-INFLICTED GUNSHOT WOUND TO THE HEAD." 182 00:06:16,777 --> 00:06:20,147 I KNOW IT'S MORE THAN ONE WORD, BUT IT WAS EARNED. 183 00:06:22,616 --> 00:06:24,217 ARE YOU MY "HOPELESS"? 184 00:06:24,217 --> 00:06:29,457 [paper rustling] 185 00:06:29,457 --> 00:06:32,893 LET'S GO. 186 00:06:36,464 --> 00:06:38,131 [slam] 187 00:06:40,468 --> 00:06:41,802 OKAY, THERE YOU GO. 188 00:06:41,802 --> 00:06:44,137 - MY ESSAY IS... 189 00:06:44,137 --> 00:06:47,240 "PLODDEN-TORY"? 190 00:06:47,240 --> 00:06:48,942 IS THAT EVEN A WORD? - I HAD TO CREATE A WORD. 191 00:06:48,942 --> 00:06:51,378 TO DESCRIBE YOUR PIECE OF [bleep]. 192 00:06:51,378 --> 00:06:53,947 BECAUSE "PIECE OF [bleep]" JUST SOUNDS MEAN. 193 00:06:53,947 --> 00:06:55,248 NOW THIS ONE, 194 00:06:55,248 --> 00:06:56,950 THIS IS "ILLUMINATING." 195 00:06:56,950 --> 00:06:58,619 WOULD YOU CARE TO REGALE US WITH A BIT OF YOUR ESSAY? 196 00:06:58,619 --> 00:07:00,521 - [thinking] GIVEN MY RECENT PRIVATE HUMILIATION, 197 00:07:00,521 --> 00:07:02,890 IT WAS NICE TO HAVE SOME PUBLIC RECOGNITION. 198 00:07:02,890 --> 00:07:04,525 - ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT? DO ME A FAVOR. 199 00:07:04,525 --> 00:07:06,827 DON'T READ IT. I CAN'T HEAR IT ALOUD. 200 00:07:06,827 --> 00:07:08,361 IT HURTS ME TOO MUCH. 201 00:07:08,361 --> 00:07:09,630 - BUT YOU SAID IT WAS ILLUMINATING. 202 00:07:09,630 --> 00:07:12,132 - YES, BECAUSE IT OPENED MY EYES 203 00:07:12,132 --> 00:07:13,867 TO HOW BAD YOUR WRITING CAN BE. 204 00:07:13,867 --> 00:07:16,804 THE REASON YOU'RE A TERRIBLE WRITER 205 00:07:16,804 --> 00:07:19,507 IS BECAUSE YOU BELONG TO "GENERATION WHATEVER." 206 00:07:19,507 --> 00:07:20,874 YOU ONLY KNOW HOW TO EXPRESS YOURSELF 207 00:07:20,874 --> 00:07:23,977 WITH ABBREVIATIONS, MISSPELLINGS. 208 00:07:23,977 --> 00:07:26,647 YOU'VE TURNED PUNCTUATION INTO PICTURE BOOKS. 209 00:07:26,647 --> 00:07:28,315 MISS HAMILTON, 210 00:07:28,315 --> 00:07:31,552 IT'S TIME YOU MAKE ME FEEL SOMETHING. 211 00:07:31,552 --> 00:07:34,021 YOU HAVE TO DIG DEEPER. 212 00:07:34,021 --> 00:07:36,189 TELL ME SOMETHING THAT'S NOT EASY. 213 00:07:36,189 --> 00:07:41,228 WITH WORDS, NOT EMOTICONS. 214 00:07:41,228 --> 00:07:45,232 MR. JENNINGS, "PROMISING." 215 00:07:45,232 --> 00:07:47,034 - "PROMISING" AS IN YOU WANT ME TO PROMISE 216 00:07:47,034 --> 00:07:48,936 NEVER TO PUT PEN TO PAPER AGAIN? 217 00:07:48,936 --> 00:07:50,671 - NO, "PROMISING" AS IN 218 00:07:50,671 --> 00:07:52,205 "I WANTED TO READ MORE ABOUT WHAT YOU HAD TO SAY." 219 00:07:52,205 --> 00:07:54,708 AND I HAVE TO SAY, NOT TO SOUND LIKE A CREEPER, 220 00:07:54,708 --> 00:07:56,677 BUT I REALLY FELT LIKE I WAS IN THAT HOTEL ROOM WITH YOU. 221 00:07:56,677 --> 00:07:58,546 WHEN YOUR MOTHER'S FRIEND WAS SEDUCING YOU... 222 00:07:58,546 --> 00:08:00,748 IT WAS TITILLATING. 223 00:08:00,748 --> 00:08:01,749 - UGH. 224 00:08:01,749 --> 00:08:03,917 [class bell rings] 225 00:08:03,917 --> 00:08:05,919 - SO YOUR DAD CALLED MY PARENTS 226 00:08:05,919 --> 00:08:07,588 AND SAID WE WERE HAVING SEX. 227 00:08:07,588 --> 00:08:10,290 - HE'S SO TRANSPARENT. - WHAT? YOUR DAD? 228 00:08:10,290 --> 00:08:12,860 - NO, THIS GUY IN MY CLASS, COLLIN. 229 00:08:12,860 --> 00:08:14,427 - MY DAD, HE'S GONNA KILL ME. 230 00:08:14,427 --> 00:08:15,696 - I DON'T UNDERSTAND WHAT THE BIG DEAL IS. 231 00:08:15,696 --> 00:08:17,097 SO HE SLEPT WITH AN OLDER WOMAN. 232 00:08:17,097 --> 00:08:18,165 - WHOSE DAD ARE WE TALKING ABOUT? 233 00:08:18,165 --> 00:08:19,466 - NO, STILL COLLIN. 234 00:08:19,466 --> 00:08:21,368 MR. HART LIKED HIS PAPER AND NOT MINE. 235 00:08:21,368 --> 00:08:22,970 - WHAT EXACTLY DID HE SAY? 236 00:08:22,970 --> 00:08:24,638 - HE SAID IT WAS "ILLUMINATING." 237 00:08:24,638 --> 00:08:26,173 - YOU WENT INTO DETAIL ABOUT OUR SEX TO YOUR DAD? 238 00:08:26,173 --> 00:08:28,108 - NO, I MEANT MY PAPER. 239 00:08:28,108 --> 00:08:29,710 AND, NO, I DIDN'T. 240 00:08:29,710 --> 00:08:32,112 AND MY DAD DIDN'T SPEAK TO ANYONE. 241 00:08:32,112 --> 00:08:34,447 HE...LEFT A MESSAGE. 242 00:08:34,447 --> 00:08:35,816 - WHAT NUMBER DID HE CALL? 243 00:08:35,816 --> 00:08:36,950 - THE ONE FROM THE STUDENT DIRECTORY. 244 00:08:36,950 --> 00:08:38,385 - NICE. [claps hands together] 245 00:08:38,385 --> 00:08:39,987 IT'S A LANDLINE. 246 00:08:39,987 --> 00:08:41,855 THEY NEVER USE IT, AND I CAN DELETE IT FROM HERE. 247 00:08:41,855 --> 00:08:43,791 - I WAS GRATEFUL THAT MATTY COULD ERASE MY DAD'S MESSAGE 248 00:08:43,791 --> 00:08:45,659 AND PUT THE WHOLE THING TO BED, 249 00:08:45,659 --> 00:08:46,960 SO TO SPEAK. 250 00:08:46,960 --> 00:08:48,228 - DO YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS? 251 00:08:48,228 --> 00:08:49,863 OR THIS? 252 00:08:49,863 --> 00:08:53,233 THESE ARE PHOTOS OF WARTS AND LESIONS 253 00:08:53,233 --> 00:08:54,602 ON A VAGINA. 254 00:08:54,602 --> 00:08:56,136 - DAD, OUR FOOD WILL BE HERE SOON. 255 00:08:56,136 --> 00:09:00,140 CAN WE, UM, PUT AWAY THE INFECTED...GENITALIA? 256 00:09:00,140 --> 00:09:01,374 - I WISH WE COULD. 257 00:09:01,374 --> 00:09:02,943 BUT YOU NEED TO BE AWARE 258 00:09:02,943 --> 00:09:05,078 OF WHAT COULD HAPPEN NOW THAT YOU AND MATTY 259 00:09:05,078 --> 00:09:07,380 ARE ENGAGING IN SEXUAL INTERCOURSE. 260 00:09:07,380 --> 00:09:09,482 AND, YOU KNOW, THE MORE INTERCOURSE THAT YOU HAVE... 261 00:09:09,482 --> 00:09:11,051 - PLEASE STOP SAYING "INTERCOURSE." 262 00:09:11,051 --> 00:09:13,621 - THE HIGHER YOUR CHANCES ARE TO HAVE A VAGINA 263 00:09:13,621 --> 00:09:14,755 THAT LOOKS LIKE THIS. 264 00:09:14,755 --> 00:09:16,289 [doorbell rings] 265 00:09:16,289 --> 00:09:18,892 - DAD, GOT THE MESSAGE. 266 00:09:21,061 --> 00:09:24,497 AND APPARENTLY, SO DID MATTY'S PARENTS. 267 00:09:28,468 --> 00:09:30,871 - WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY TO MR. AND MRS. HAMILTON? 268 00:09:30,871 --> 00:09:36,509 - I'M SORRY I-I TOOK YOUR DAUGHTER'S VIRGINITY. 269 00:09:36,509 --> 00:09:39,046 - THANK YOU. 270 00:09:39,046 --> 00:09:40,814 - JENNA? 271 00:09:40,814 --> 00:09:42,149 - WHAT? 272 00:09:42,149 --> 00:09:44,184 - [softly] APOLOGIZE. 273 00:09:44,184 --> 00:09:47,020 - [softly] FOR WHAT? 274 00:09:47,020 --> 00:09:50,858 I AM SORRY FOR... 275 00:09:50,858 --> 00:09:53,894 LETTING HIM...TAKE IT? 276 00:09:53,894 --> 00:09:55,896 - OKAY. 277 00:09:55,896 --> 00:09:58,732 I THINK THAT ABOUT TAKES CARE OF THAT, HMM? 278 00:09:58,732 --> 00:10:00,868 - WE APPRECIATE THE PHONE CALL. [doorbell rings] 279 00:10:00,868 --> 00:10:02,936 - OH, UH, SORRY. CHINESE. 280 00:10:02,936 --> 00:10:04,371 [laughs nervously] 281 00:10:04,371 --> 00:10:06,506 HI! 282 00:10:06,506 --> 00:10:08,141 THANK YOU VERY MUCH. 283 00:10:11,879 --> 00:10:13,380 [sighs] 284 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,448 - OKAY, LET'S GO. - YES. 285 00:10:15,448 --> 00:10:16,516 - YOU'RE WELCOME TO STAY FOR DINNER. 286 00:10:16,516 --> 00:10:17,550 - NO, WE CAN'T. 287 00:10:17,550 --> 00:10:18,686 MY MOM HAS... 288 00:10:18,686 --> 00:10:20,087 SALMON THAWING AT HOME. - OH. 289 00:10:20,087 --> 00:10:21,288 - THANK YOU FOR THE INVITATION. 290 00:10:21,288 --> 00:10:22,589 WE COULDN'T IMPOSE. 291 00:10:22,589 --> 00:10:25,258 - [scoffs] IT'S NOT AN IMPOSITION. 292 00:10:25,258 --> 00:10:26,994 - I DO LIKE CHINESE. 293 00:10:29,129 --> 00:10:32,399 - OKAY. - ALL RIGHT. 294 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:34,134 - OKAY. 295 00:10:36,069 --> 00:10:38,438 - WHAT...IS...HAPPENING? 296 00:10:38,438 --> 00:10:40,407 - THIS IS WHAT'S GONNA HAPPEN. 297 00:10:40,407 --> 00:10:41,775 FOR THE NEXT FEW GAMES... [overlapping chattering] 298 00:10:41,775 --> 00:10:44,277 WE DO MOSTLY CHANTS, BUT NOT LAME ONES. 299 00:10:44,277 --> 00:10:46,980 AND WHEN WE BUILD, WE DO THREE TURTLE TUBS 300 00:10:46,980 --> 00:10:48,415 WITH ONE DRAGON ROLL IN FRONT OF IT. 301 00:10:48,415 --> 00:10:51,051 CAN EVERYONE CALM THE [bleep] DOWN NOW? 302 00:10:51,051 --> 00:10:53,787 - I SHOULD BE BACK BY THIS WEEKEND. 303 00:10:53,787 --> 00:10:56,957 DOES ANYONE HAVE SOME FOOD? 304 00:10:56,957 --> 00:10:58,425 [whimpers] 305 00:10:58,425 --> 00:10:59,960 - YOU KNOW, I'M ABOUT LISSA'S SIZE. 306 00:10:59,960 --> 00:11:02,329 IF YOU WANT ME TO STEP IN... 307 00:11:02,329 --> 00:11:03,797 - I DON'T THINK TEACHERS CAN BE ON THE SQUAD. 308 00:11:03,797 --> 00:11:06,366 - CHEERLEADER LAW IS FLUID IN SOME AREAS. 309 00:11:06,366 --> 00:11:09,302 AND, YES, FACULTY CAN STEP IN IN CASES OF INJURY, 310 00:11:09,302 --> 00:11:11,571 PREGNANCY, OR BEAR FEVER. 311 00:11:11,571 --> 00:11:12,906 - I THINK WE SHOULD PUT IT TO A VOTE. 312 00:11:12,906 --> 00:11:15,008 ALL THOSE IN FAVOR OF AN ALTERNATE... 313 00:11:15,008 --> 00:11:16,810 - NO VOTE. 314 00:11:16,810 --> 00:11:20,080 I AM THE CAPTAIN. 315 00:11:20,080 --> 00:11:21,648 - YOU'RE NOT GOING TO BE ABLE TO BUY YOUR WAY 316 00:11:21,648 --> 00:11:24,752 OUT OF THIS ONE, SADIE. 317 00:11:24,752 --> 00:11:28,188 - ALL THOSE IN FAVOR OF CALLING THE ALTERNATE? 318 00:11:28,188 --> 00:11:29,589 OPPOSED? 319 00:11:33,193 --> 00:11:35,763 - I'M RAISING MY HAND. 320 00:11:35,763 --> 00:11:38,766 - COME ON. HOW BAD CAN THIS ALTERNATE BE? 321 00:11:38,766 --> 00:11:39,767 - [screams] 322 00:11:39,767 --> 00:11:42,335 I'M A CHEERLEADER! 323 00:11:42,335 --> 00:11:43,937 [line rings] 324 00:11:43,937 --> 00:11:45,238 - HEY, IT'S JENNA. 325 00:11:45,238 --> 00:11:46,239 LEAVE A MESSAGE. [beep] 326 00:11:46,239 --> 00:11:47,775 - I GOT THE CALL. 327 00:11:47,775 --> 00:11:49,176 AND NOW YOU'RE GETTING THE CALL-CALL. 328 00:11:49,176 --> 00:11:51,611 [screams] 329 00:11:51,611 --> 00:11:52,846 [line rings] 330 00:11:52,846 --> 00:11:54,347 - HEY, BABE. 331 00:11:54,347 --> 00:11:56,049 - SO I WAS TOTALLY READY TO DO IT WITH YOU. 332 00:11:56,049 --> 00:11:57,684 BUT I WAS WAITING ON SOMETHING. 333 00:11:57,684 --> 00:11:59,686 BUT THAT WAS BEFORE I WAS MADE A CHEERLEADER. 334 00:11:59,686 --> 00:12:01,354 AND RIGHT NOW, I AM TOO EXCITED TO WAIT. 335 00:12:01,354 --> 00:12:03,356 - WHAT? - I AM A CHEERLEADER! 336 00:12:03,356 --> 00:12:05,625 I'M READY. OKAY? 337 00:12:05,625 --> 00:12:06,927 - OKAY! 338 00:12:13,500 --> 00:12:15,268 - SO WHEN Y-- 339 00:12:15,268 --> 00:12:17,838 WHEN YOU GOT KEVIN'S MESSAGE, 340 00:12:17,838 --> 00:12:20,373 I GUESS IT WAS QUITE A SHOCK, HUH? 341 00:12:20,373 --> 00:12:21,441 - WELL, AHEM, YES AND NO. 342 00:12:21,441 --> 00:12:23,811 I MEAN, I'VE FOUND THINGS. 343 00:12:23,811 --> 00:12:26,146 AND BY "THINGS," I MEAN "CONDOM WRAPPERS." 344 00:12:26,146 --> 00:12:27,815 - MOM. - WELL, ON THE ONE HAND, 345 00:12:27,815 --> 00:12:29,549 YOU KNOW IT'S GONNA HAPPEN EVENTUALLY. 346 00:12:29,549 --> 00:12:32,019 ON THE OTHER-- "WRAPPERS"? 347 00:12:32,019 --> 00:12:34,154 THAT SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF CONDOMS. 348 00:12:34,154 --> 00:12:37,858 HAVE YOU HAD MULTIPLE PARTNERS? 349 00:12:37,858 --> 00:12:39,159 - YEAH. 350 00:12:39,159 --> 00:12:40,894 - HOW MANY PARTNERS HAVE YOU HAD? 351 00:12:40,894 --> 00:12:42,229 - [thinking] MAYBE SOME THINGS WEREMEANT TO GO PUBLIC. 352 00:12:42,229 --> 00:12:45,032 YEAH, HOW MANY? - AH, A FEW. 353 00:12:45,032 --> 00:12:48,601 - TWO? - THREE. 354 00:12:50,470 --> 00:12:52,472 [mouths] 355 00:12:52,472 --> 00:12:54,074 - [sighs, clears throat] 356 00:12:54,074 --> 00:12:57,477 "SOMETHING PRIVATE... 357 00:12:57,477 --> 00:12:59,212 WILL BECOME PUBLIC." 358 00:12:59,212 --> 00:13:00,580 WELL, THAT'S DEAD ON. 359 00:13:00,580 --> 00:13:02,149 - YOU KNOW WHAT FORTUNE COOKIES MEAN? 360 00:13:02,149 --> 00:13:03,483 DINNER'S OVER. 361 00:13:03,483 --> 00:13:04,852 [all muttering] 362 00:13:04,852 --> 00:13:07,154 - [clears throat] - THANK YOU. YEAH. 363 00:13:07,154 --> 00:13:08,455 - WE SURE ARE GLAD TO MEET YOU. 364 00:13:08,455 --> 00:13:09,857 - THANK YOU FOR SHARING YOUR DINNER. 365 00:13:09,857 --> 00:13:11,291 - WE WILL DO IT AGAIN SOMETIME. 366 00:13:11,291 --> 00:13:13,861 - ALMOST OVER. - HOMESTRETCH. 367 00:13:13,861 --> 00:13:15,162 - AND NEXT TIME WE'LL HAVE BETTER DINNER CONVERSATION 368 00:13:15,162 --> 00:13:17,230 THAN OUR KIDS' SEX LIVES. 369 00:13:17,230 --> 00:13:18,465 [all laugh nervously] 370 00:13:18,465 --> 00:13:20,067 - HEY, WE ALL WANT THE SAME THING, 371 00:13:20,067 --> 00:13:21,334 AND THAT IS TO NOT BE GRANDPARENTS 372 00:13:21,334 --> 00:13:22,870 FOR AT LEAST TEN MORE YEARS. 373 00:13:22,870 --> 00:13:24,504 [nervous chuckles] 374 00:13:24,504 --> 00:13:27,174 - DON'T WORRY, JENNA WON'T GET PREGNANT. 375 00:13:27,174 --> 00:13:28,308 I PUT HER ON THE PILL. 376 00:13:28,308 --> 00:13:29,442 [laughs] 377 00:13:29,442 --> 00:13:32,412 [door slams] 378 00:13:32,412 --> 00:13:34,882 - OH, MY GOD! WE'RE GONNA DO IT! 379 00:13:34,882 --> 00:13:36,183 I'VE TOTALLY BEEN WAITING FOR THIS MOMENT 380 00:13:36,183 --> 00:13:37,885 FOR, LIKE, AT LEAST A YEAR. 381 00:13:37,885 --> 00:13:40,253 IN MINUTES, I'M NOT GONNA BE A VIRGIN ANYMORE. 382 00:13:40,253 --> 00:13:41,889 THIS BLINDFOLD, IS THIS PART OF IT? 383 00:13:41,889 --> 00:13:42,956 ARE YOU KINKY? 384 00:13:42,956 --> 00:13:44,157 MAYBE I'M GONNA BE KINKY. 385 00:13:44,157 --> 00:13:45,893 OH, MY GOD! I'M SO EXCITED! 386 00:13:45,893 --> 00:13:49,596 [upbeat rock music] 387 00:13:49,596 --> 00:13:51,932 ** 388 00:13:51,932 --> 00:13:56,303 [crying] 389 00:13:56,303 --> 00:13:58,005 - LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT. 390 00:13:58,005 --> 00:14:00,140 SO YOU TOOK YOUR TEENAGE DAUGHTER 391 00:14:00,140 --> 00:14:01,741 TO GET BIRTH CONTROL PILLS? 392 00:14:01,741 --> 00:14:04,444 - WELL...YES. 393 00:14:04,444 --> 00:14:05,545 - AND HERE I WAS THINKING YOU WERE CONCERNED 394 00:14:05,545 --> 00:14:07,580 ABOUT OUR CHILDREN HAVING SEX. 395 00:14:07,580 --> 00:14:09,382 - MATTY HAS CONDOMS. - I DIDN'T BUY THEM. 396 00:14:09,382 --> 00:14:12,019 - NO...I DID. 397 00:14:12,019 --> 00:14:14,021 - SO YOU PUT YOUR DAUGHTER ON THE PILL, 398 00:14:14,021 --> 00:14:15,755 AND YOU BOUGHT MY SON CONDOMS. 399 00:14:15,755 --> 00:14:18,225 YOU'RE ENCOURAGING OUR KIDS TO BE PROMISCUOUS. 400 00:14:18,225 --> 00:14:19,759 - NO, TO BE SAFE. 401 00:14:19,759 --> 00:14:22,129 - NOTHING GOOD CAN COME FROM TEENAGERS HAVING SEX. 402 00:14:22,129 --> 00:14:23,796 - ACTUALLY, I DID. 403 00:14:23,796 --> 00:14:24,932 - THEY HAD JENNA WHEN THEY WERE TEENAGERS, MOM. 404 00:14:24,932 --> 00:14:26,366 LET IT GO. 405 00:14:26,366 --> 00:14:27,534 - MATTHEW DON'T SPEAK TO ME THAT WAY. 406 00:14:27,534 --> 00:14:28,969 I'M YOUR MOTHER. - WE NEED TO GO. 407 00:14:28,969 --> 00:14:30,470 - OUR KIDS ARE HAVING SEX. 408 00:14:30,470 --> 00:14:32,305 IT'S NOT LIKE THEY'RE DOING DRUGS. 409 00:14:32,305 --> 00:14:33,941 - [softly] MATTY'S BROTHER WENT TO REHAB! 410 00:14:33,941 --> 00:14:35,742 - WHY WOULD YOU VIOLATE OUR FAMILY'S PRIVACY? 411 00:14:35,742 --> 00:14:37,277 - MOM, EVERYONE KNOWS. - THANKS TO YOU, 412 00:14:37,277 --> 00:14:39,479 BECAUSE YOU CAN'T EVER KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT. 413 00:14:39,479 --> 00:14:40,647 - HEY, MATTY'S A GOOD KID. 414 00:14:40,647 --> 00:14:42,315 DON'T TAKE THIS OUT ON HIM. 415 00:14:42,315 --> 00:14:44,084 - WHO THE HELL ARE YOU TO TALK TO ME ABOUT MY SON? 416 00:14:44,084 --> 00:14:45,485 - I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP. - LISTEN, HONEY. 417 00:14:45,485 --> 00:14:47,420 I'M GLAD YOU'RE ALL LOOSEY-GOOSEY 418 00:14:47,420 --> 00:14:49,389 AND HIPPIE-DIPPIE IN THIS HOUSE, 419 00:14:49,389 --> 00:14:50,958 BUT WE DON'T CONDONE RISKY BEHAVIOR. 420 00:14:50,958 --> 00:14:52,325 - I AM LUCKY THAT MY DAUGHTER CAME TO ME 421 00:14:52,325 --> 00:14:54,427 AND SAID THAT SHE WAS HAVING SEX, 422 00:14:54,427 --> 00:14:57,464 THAT SHE FELT COMFORTABLE ENOUGH TO SEEK MY GUIDANCE. 423 00:14:57,464 --> 00:14:59,666 CLEARLY, YOUR SON CAN'T DO THE SAME. 424 00:14:59,666 --> 00:15:02,069 - CLEARLY, WE'RE DIFFERENT KINDS OF PEOPLE. 425 00:15:02,069 --> 00:15:03,670 HOW ABOUT YOU WORRY ABOUT YOUR FAMILY, 426 00:15:03,670 --> 00:15:06,306 I'LL WORRY ABOUT MINE. 427 00:15:06,306 --> 00:15:07,740 - AND THANK YOU FOR THE CHINESE. 428 00:15:07,740 --> 00:15:09,209 - COME ON. - YOU'RE WELCOME. 429 00:15:09,209 --> 00:15:11,411 - I'M SO SORRY, MRS. HAMILTON. I AM-- 430 00:15:11,411 --> 00:15:14,214 - OH, HONEY, THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. 431 00:15:14,214 --> 00:15:15,615 - [sighs] 432 00:15:18,318 --> 00:15:20,253 - AND I AM NOT A HIPPIE. 433 00:15:20,253 --> 00:15:22,022 WHAT HIPPIE DO YOU KNOW HAS FAKE BOOBS? 434 00:15:25,392 --> 00:15:27,427 - [sobbing] 435 00:15:27,427 --> 00:15:28,996 - YOUR MOM SAID THAT I COULD COME IN, 436 00:15:28,996 --> 00:15:30,463 AND THAT IT'D BE OKAY TO SHUT THE DOOR. 437 00:15:30,463 --> 00:15:32,632 - GO AWAY, AND TAKE YOUR SEX VAN WITH YOU. 438 00:15:32,632 --> 00:15:34,001 - I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE. 439 00:15:34,001 --> 00:15:36,303 JUST TELL ME WHAT'S WRONG. 440 00:15:36,303 --> 00:15:39,172 - THE BLANKETS, THE ROSE PETALS, 441 00:15:39,172 --> 00:15:42,142 THE FREAKING MOONLIGHT ROMANCE. 442 00:15:42,142 --> 00:15:43,510 THE AIR FRESHENER. 443 00:15:43,510 --> 00:15:45,112 - OH, I'M SORRY. 444 00:15:45,112 --> 00:15:46,279 IS THAT WHAT YOU WANTED? 445 00:15:46,279 --> 00:15:48,448 I USED CALYPSO PARADISE. - YEAH! 446 00:15:48,448 --> 00:15:50,683 AND THAT'S THE ONLY THING THAT'S DIFFERENT! 447 00:15:50,683 --> 00:15:53,586 - I'M REALLY LOST. 448 00:15:53,586 --> 00:15:54,787 - FROM JENNA'S EXPERIENCE WITH YOU. 449 00:15:54,787 --> 00:15:56,589 I'M ALWAYS SECOND BEST. 450 00:15:56,589 --> 00:15:58,291 I'M THE ALTERNATE CHEERLEADER 451 00:15:58,291 --> 00:16:00,027 AND THE ALTERNATE GIRLFRIEND. 452 00:16:00,027 --> 00:16:01,494 - WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? 453 00:16:01,494 --> 00:16:02,662 - EVERYONE KNOWS THAT MINIVAN THING 454 00:16:02,662 --> 00:16:04,064 IS WHAT YOU HAD PLANNED 455 00:16:04,064 --> 00:16:06,199 WHEN YOU WERE GONNA HAVE SEX WITH JENNA. 456 00:16:06,199 --> 00:16:07,667 IT WAS IN HER BLOG! 457 00:16:07,667 --> 00:16:09,736 - BUT JENNA AND I DIDN'T DO IT. - I KNOW. 458 00:16:09,736 --> 00:16:12,839 BUT YOU REHASHED. 459 00:16:12,839 --> 00:16:17,277 YOU DIDN'T PLAN ANYTHING SPECIAL FOR ME. 460 00:16:17,277 --> 00:16:19,512 - UH, LOOK. 461 00:16:19,512 --> 00:16:20,747 I'M A GUY. 462 00:16:20,747 --> 00:16:23,283 AND SO...I HAD THIS WHOLE FANTASY 463 00:16:23,283 --> 00:16:25,785 OF MY FIRST TIME. 464 00:16:25,785 --> 00:16:27,554 I JUST THOUGHT IT WOULD BE SO COOL. 465 00:16:27,554 --> 00:16:29,756 - REALLY? A MINIVAN? 466 00:16:29,756 --> 00:16:33,793 - TAMARA, I WANT YOU AND ONLY YOU 467 00:16:33,793 --> 00:16:35,528 TO BE MY FIRST. 468 00:16:35,528 --> 00:16:37,730 SO WHATEVER YOU WANT, THAT'S WHAT WE'LL DO. 469 00:16:37,730 --> 00:16:41,868 - WELL, I'VE ALWAYS WANTED IT TO BE IN A HOTEL. 470 00:16:41,868 --> 00:16:42,969 - OH, YES. 471 00:16:42,969 --> 00:16:45,405 YES, GREAT! 472 00:16:45,405 --> 00:16:47,707 - AND THEN WE CAN BE AS LOUD AS WE WANT, 473 00:16:47,707 --> 00:16:49,642 AND NO ONE WILL WALK IN ON US, 474 00:16:49,642 --> 00:16:51,911 AND WE CAN PUT SOFT MUSIC ON THE TV. 475 00:16:51,911 --> 00:16:52,979 - AND HOW ABOUT A BOTTLE OF CHAMPAGNE 476 00:16:52,979 --> 00:16:54,314 CHILLING IN AN ICE BUCKET? 477 00:16:54,314 --> 00:16:55,915 - YES, AND THEN WE CAN DO THAT THING 478 00:16:55,915 --> 00:16:57,784 WHERE WE INTERTWINE OUR ARMS AND DRINK THE CHAMPAGNE. 479 00:16:57,784 --> 00:16:58,785 - AND THEN WE GO OUT ON THE BALCONY, 480 00:16:58,785 --> 00:17:00,153 AND WE YELL DOWN AT PEOPLE, 481 00:17:00,153 --> 00:17:02,089 BECAUSE WE'RE A LITTLE BIT DRUNK. 482 00:17:02,089 --> 00:17:03,990 - AND WE'LL WEAR THOSE BIG, WHITE, TERRY CLOTH ROBES 483 00:17:03,990 --> 00:17:07,327 WHEN WE OPEN THE DOOR TO OUR ROOM SERVICE STRAWBERRIES. 484 00:17:07,327 --> 00:17:09,996 - AND THEN I COULD JUST PICK YOU UP, LIKE THIS, 485 00:17:09,996 --> 00:17:12,165 [straining] AND YOU'RE SURPRISINGLY LIGHT, 486 00:17:12,165 --> 00:17:14,667 EVEN WITH THE ROBE ON. [laughs nervously] 487 00:17:14,667 --> 00:17:17,470 - AND I-- - AND YOU SAY NOTHING. 488 00:17:17,470 --> 00:17:20,373 BECAUSE I SHUT YOU UP LIKE THIS. 489 00:17:20,373 --> 00:17:22,342 - * HARD TO EMPTY 490 00:17:22,342 --> 00:17:24,677 * HARD TO CARRY 491 00:17:24,677 --> 00:17:29,116 * UP ANOTHER FLIGHT 492 00:17:29,116 --> 00:17:31,984 * ALL THE TIME IT TAKES... 493 00:17:31,984 --> 00:17:33,853 - JENNA? 494 00:17:33,853 --> 00:17:39,826 - CAN WE JUST NOT TALK ABOUT ANYTHING PERSONAL RIGHT NOW? 495 00:17:39,826 --> 00:17:42,362 - I JUST WANTED TO TELL YOU 496 00:17:42,362 --> 00:17:43,863 THAT I'VE BEEN IN YOUR SHOES. 497 00:17:43,863 --> 00:17:45,532 WHEN I WAS YOUR AGE... 498 00:17:45,532 --> 00:17:47,167 - THIS SOUNDS PERSONAL. 499 00:17:47,167 --> 00:17:50,437 - I HAD A DINNER LIKE THAT WITH YOUR DAD'S PARENTS. 500 00:17:50,437 --> 00:17:53,406 THEY GREETED ME AT THE DOOR WITH BIG HUGS. 501 00:17:53,406 --> 00:17:56,008 AND THEY WERE SO NICE TO ME. 502 00:17:56,008 --> 00:17:57,877 WHEN WE ALL SAT DOWN, 503 00:17:57,877 --> 00:18:01,281 THAT'S WHEN I TOLD THEM I WAS PREGNANT. 504 00:18:01,281 --> 00:18:02,349 - THEN WHAT HAPPENED? 505 00:18:02,349 --> 00:18:04,417 - THEY STARTED YELLING AT ME 506 00:18:04,417 --> 00:18:06,619 AND CALLING ME HORRIBLE THINGS. 507 00:18:06,619 --> 00:18:09,856 THEY SAID THAT I HAD RUINED KEVIN'S LIFE. 508 00:18:09,856 --> 00:18:11,624 AND THEN I THREW UP... 509 00:18:11,624 --> 00:18:13,293 WHICH JUST MADE IT WORSE. 510 00:18:13,293 --> 00:18:14,927 [chuckles] 511 00:18:14,927 --> 00:18:16,429 I WAS HUMILIATED. 512 00:18:19,332 --> 00:18:22,302 I AM SO GLAD WE HAVE THE RELATIONSHIP WE DO. 513 00:18:22,302 --> 00:18:26,939 IT'S THE THING ABOUT MY LIFE I'M MOST PROUD OF. 514 00:18:26,939 --> 00:18:28,975 - I'M GLAD YOU'RE YOU. 515 00:18:28,975 --> 00:18:31,010 - I'M SO GLAD YOU'RE YOU. 516 00:18:31,010 --> 00:18:33,680 - AND I'M GLAD YOU DIDN'T FORGET TO TAKE YOUR PILL! 517 00:18:33,680 --> 00:18:35,282 - [sighs] 518 00:18:35,282 --> 00:18:37,184 - [laughs] - DID YOU? 519 00:18:37,184 --> 00:18:40,520 [upbeat rock music] 520 00:18:40,520 --> 00:18:42,355 - CAN I GET YOU SOME WATER? 521 00:18:42,355 --> 00:18:44,691 - NO, THANKS. I'M OKAY. 522 00:18:44,691 --> 00:18:46,393 - JUST OKAY? - NO. NO, NO, NO. 523 00:18:46,393 --> 00:18:48,728 I MEAN, THAT WAS-- 524 00:18:48,728 --> 00:18:51,698 I'M STILL VAGINGLING. - [laughs] YEAH. 525 00:18:51,698 --> 00:18:53,032 IT WAS EVERYTHING THEY SAY IT IS, YOU KNOW, 526 00:18:53,032 --> 00:18:54,901 IN MOVIES AND SONGS. 527 00:18:54,901 --> 00:18:56,869 - OKAY, I CALL SHENANIGANS. 528 00:18:56,869 --> 00:18:58,805 THAT WAS NOT FUN. 529 00:18:58,805 --> 00:19:01,741 DID THAT TOTALLY EMASCULATE YOU? - OH, NO, NO. 530 00:19:01,741 --> 00:19:02,909 THAT'S--THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT TOO. 531 00:19:02,909 --> 00:19:04,043 IT WAS UNCOMFORTABLE. 532 00:19:04,043 --> 00:19:05,645 AND YOUR MOM STARTED COUGHING. 533 00:19:05,645 --> 00:19:08,248 [both laugh] 534 00:19:08,248 --> 00:19:10,783 WE CAN TRY AGAIN, I MEAN, IF YOU WANT TO, OF COURSE. 535 00:19:10,783 --> 00:19:12,252 - YEAH, OF COURSE. 536 00:19:12,252 --> 00:19:14,120 - ALL I NEED IS 18 MINUTES AND A SANDWICH. 537 00:19:14,120 --> 00:19:15,955 - OOH, A SANDWICH. THAT ACTUALLY DOES SOUND GOOD. 538 00:19:15,955 --> 00:19:17,957 - YEAH. 539 00:19:17,957 --> 00:19:19,091 I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO FIGURING OUT 540 00:19:19,091 --> 00:19:22,295 THIS WHOLE SEX THING WITH YOU. 541 00:19:22,295 --> 00:19:24,331 I LOVE YOU, TAMARA. 542 00:19:24,331 --> 00:19:26,233 - I LOVE YOU TOO. 543 00:19:26,233 --> 00:19:29,769 - * SO HOLD MY HAND 544 00:19:29,769 --> 00:19:33,440 *'CAUSE TALKING IS THE SOURCE OF MISUNDERSTANDING * 545 00:19:33,440 --> 00:19:35,575 * HOLD MY HAND 546 00:19:35,575 --> 00:19:37,444 - APPARENTLY I DON'T NEED THAT SANDWICH. 547 00:19:37,444 --> 00:19:39,579 - * 'CAUSE TALKING IS THE SOURCE OF MISUNDERSTANDING * 548 00:19:39,579 --> 00:19:40,747 * HOLD MY... 549 00:19:44,251 --> 00:19:45,652 [chime] 550 00:19:45,652 --> 00:19:49,322 [rock music] 551 00:19:49,322 --> 00:19:51,157 [cell phone vibrates] 552 00:19:51,157 --> 00:19:52,992 - CONGRATULATIONS. 553 00:19:52,992 --> 00:19:54,361 IS THAT A POST-SEX PIC? 554 00:19:54,361 --> 00:19:55,862 - NOPE, IT'S A POST "I LOVE YOU" ONE. 555 00:19:55,862 --> 00:19:56,929 BUT WE HAD SEX TOO. 556 00:19:56,929 --> 00:19:58,498 - YOU HAD SEX TOO? - YEAH. 557 00:19:58,498 --> 00:20:00,500 BUT THE "I LOVE YOU" FELT MUCH BETTER. 558 00:20:00,500 --> 00:20:02,068 NOW I'M GONNA GO SIT ON SOME ICE. 559 00:20:02,068 --> 00:20:03,169 I'M SORE. 560 00:20:03,169 --> 00:20:04,537 [click] 561 00:20:07,940 --> 00:20:10,243 - IT WASN'T EASY FOR ME TO WRITE ABOUT SOMETHING 562 00:20:10,243 --> 00:20:12,245 THAT HIT A LITTLE CLOSER TO HOME. 563 00:20:12,245 --> 00:20:17,384 BUT I WAS FINALLY READY TO DIG DEEPER. 564 00:20:17,384 --> 00:20:20,720 "MY MOTHER'S GREATEST HUMILIATION--ME. 565 00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:22,054 BY JENNA HAMILTON." 566 00:20:22,054 --> 00:20:26,225 [doorbell rings] 567 00:20:26,225 --> 00:20:28,361 - MY MOM WAS RIGHT ABOUT ONE THING: 568 00:20:28,361 --> 00:20:31,364 YOU GUYS ARE DIFFERENT KINDS OF PEOPLE. 569 00:20:31,364 --> 00:20:34,301 AND I'M YOUR KIND. 570 00:20:34,301 --> 00:20:36,068 CAN I CRASH HERE FOR THE NIGHT? 571 00:20:39,706 --> 00:20:41,274 - NEXT ON AWKWARD: - MORNING. 572 00:20:41,274 --> 00:20:42,775 - IT'S BEEN FUN, HAVING MATTY HERE AND ALL, 573 00:20:42,775 --> 00:20:44,143 BUT I NEED MY SPACE BACK. 574 00:20:44,143 --> 00:20:45,612 - MATTY GETS THE COW, THE MILK, 575 00:20:45,612 --> 00:20:47,146 AND TO LIVE IN THE BARN FOR FREE. 576 00:20:47,146 --> 00:20:48,815 - YOU HAVEN'T WORN OUT YOUR WELCOME? 577 00:20:48,815 --> 00:20:50,116 - JENNA'S COOL WITH IT. - I AM SO NOT COOL WITH IT. 578 00:20:50,116 --> 00:20:51,183 - I'M GOING TO THAT PARTY. 579 00:20:51,183 --> 00:20:53,453 SLEEPOVERS ARE GAMECHANGERS! 580 00:20:53,453 --> 00:20:55,455 - RICKY, IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, SET THE RECORD STRAIGHT. 581 00:20:55,455 --> 00:20:58,291 WAS YOUR DEATH AN ACCIDENT? [gasping] 40611

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