Original subtitles

JENNA (NARRATING): Previously on "Awkward."

Friend or foe?

-So you need to choose.

Him for me.

JENNA (NARRATING): So when it came to the boys, if a do over

wasn't an option, maybe a start over was.

And I finally knew who it would be with.

Spin the bottle.

It was a requisite rite of passage,

and, while I was past my prime to play, it seemed fitting,

given all the spiralling I'd done throughout the year.

-I'm gonna take a pass.

-I knew you'd be out.

-You're right.

I'm not in to bears.

But I will make out with your boyfriend.

-Good luck with that.

-Pass equals drink.

JENNA (NARRATING): In the game, all decisions

were left to the bottle.

And for one once, the bottle was more fickle than I was.

LISSA: You can choose or spin again.

Spin again!

JENNA (NARRATING): The bottle didn't

know what I wanted, but I did.

Despite already having made a decision--

-Bottle flip!

Seven minutes in heaven for you two.

JENNA (NARRATING): I was still in the closet.

-So, what should we do?

-Put on a show.

Mm.

Yeah, baby.

-Oh mm.

-You don't have to fake it.

I know you're together now.

It's cool.

-I told him.

-I was going to.

-Snooze, you lose.

JENNA (NARRATING): With Jake getting the answer he needed,

Matty was clear to see with the girl he wanted.

Me.

So I made use of my last three minutes of seven in heaven.

-Sophomore summer abroad.

We have to go.

This year has been craptastic, suck drastic,

but if we go to Europe, I can save my summer.

-How are we gonna pay for it?

-Panties.

You can sell your dirty ones to businessmen abroad.

How do you think the mafia affords so much sushi?

They're a major distributor.

-Have you sold your under wonders?

-No comment.

-I'm not selling my underwear, even

if it means I'm stuck here.

-You're not stuck if you're about to have

a real boyfriend summer.

-The other shoe is poised to drop at any moment.

Remember.

All good things in my life are closely

followed by something bad.

Dare you forget, Matty and I haven't DTRd.

-Ugh.

Tell me we're not gonna be obsessing over that again.

-Hey.

JENNA (NARRATING): Apparently, our bf-gf status

didn't need words to define it.

-Will my girlfriend give me a bite?

JENNA (NARRATING): Or girlfriend would roll off Matty's tongue

and on to my salami.

-I'm hitting the courts, but I'll see you later?

-You have everything.

And all I have is a text from my ex.

Ricky is sniffing me out.

There's trouble in paradise.

Once a cheater, always a cheater.

-Cheater!

He's been texting that troll.

-If he cheated, he would have deleted,

but he will cheat if you don't confront him.

-And let him know I'm snooping?

That's really smart.

-Thank you.

-I think he's avoiding me.

I need to shake things up.

-No.

You need to do what you always do.

Put him in his place.

-Don't tell me how to do what I do, bird brain.

-Exactly.

Just like that.

[PHONE RINGING]

-(DEEP VOICE) Hello, this i-- (REGULAR VOICE) Ricky.

Yes, I am answering your phone because you left it in my car.

But, since I haven't seen you for two days,

I haven't been able to give it back to you.

Do you miss me, 'cause I miss you?

All the time.

-Sure, I can give the phone to Rob

to give to Marty to give back to you.

And then you can call me, beef cake.

No.

Call me, comma, beef cake.

You're the beef cake.

I love you, babe.

-Why do exes always have to creep back?

JENNA (NARRATING): But did all exes creep back?

And could they creep back as friends?

-Jake and I haven't really talked,

and even thought he says he's cool, I don't think he is.

-He looks pretty cool to me.

-It's a front.

None of those skanks are up to par.

-So who is?

-A girl with substance.

Like T.

-Ha!

He couldn't handle me.

I'm a lot of woman.

JENNA (NARRATING): And if I wanted Jake to be my friend,

I needed to be a woman and man up.

-Thanks.

See you, guys.

Hey.

-Hey.

Crazy seeing you here.

-In the school hallway?

-No, I-- I meant on this route to class.

-I go this way every day.

-Me too.

That is so weird.

This is weird.

Do you feel weird?

'Cause I'm acting weird.

I just--

-Don't.

When I said I'd be fine with your decision, I meant it.

Might not have been when I wanted, but, hey,

it's what I needed.

-Really?

-Jenna.

I've been a serial monogamist since the fifth grade.

To be honest, I haven't seen this much action

since I was 10.

Don't get me wrong.

You set the bar really high, and it's

gonna be a while until I meet someone like you again.

But until then, don't hate the playa, hate the game.

Well, ladies.

JENNA (NARRATING): For once, the universe

was actually working in my favour.

Which was not cause for celebration.

It was setting off alarms.

I was--

VALERIA (OVER INTERCOM): Jenna Hamilton,

please report to the office.

--thankfully, on my way to a problem.

-I am really, really disappointed in you.

You're being selfish.

You need to work out your issues and get back together.

-We are back together.

-Damn, I'm good!

Uh, double up, uh, uh.

J. We're having a family meeting.

JENNA (NARRATING): Finally.

Something bad would happen so I could get on with my day.

-Closer.

Let's get closer.

I asked your folks here to have a little state of the union,

and it appears that the union is back in tact.

Is that true?

-Yes.

-Good!

Now, I think the only way that you can atone for the hell you

put us through is to send Jenna on the Europe trip with me,

her sista, slash chaperone.

-That sounds fantastic!

-But, we can't.

Money's a little tight right now.

-And whose fault is that?

Yet again, dad, you're operating from a selfish place.

Can't you just cash out some of your retirement fund?

I mean what good is that money when you're old?

-I don't need to go.

I'm just happy that my parents are back together.

-Just amazing.

Now, this is what I call selflessness.

-How about we think about the trip?

-That is acceptable.

Meeting adjourned.

-Isn't there a problem I need to address?

-Nope.

Just have a good day.

JENNA (NARRATING): That was the problem.

I needed a problem to have a good day.

-Now everything is perfect.

Maybe too perfect.

Something bad is bound to happen.

-Not possible.

-Possible.

If you haven't noticed, I'm a walking disaster zone.

-This summer is gonna be the best summer of our lives.

Just you, me, and Camp Puka.

We're gonna get paid, and you're gonna get laid.

-Don't get ahead of yourself.

-I don't wanna get ahead.

I wanna get on top.

JENNA (NARRATING): I was being neurotic.

The other shoe didn't need to drop for me to get everything

I wanted, which involved more of McKibben

and less of his clothes.

-Surprise!

-Ever heard of a knock?

-We couldn't wait.

We had to tell you that we're sending you to Europe!

-Signed, sealed, and paid for.

JENNA (NARRATING): So I wasn't neurotic.

I was intuitive.

The other shoe had definitely dropped,

but it wasn't a sweaty converse.

It was a sparkly Manolo Blahnik.

-Europe.

-Europe.

We are gonna have so much fun when we take in the sights,

because we are going on an adventure.

-We are getting ahead of ourselves.

-Why?

-Because the we that is me has already committed to camp.

-You can get out of it.

-I could, but I don't want to.

I'm going to be head counsellor.

But that doesn't mean you can't go.

-I can't go unless you go.

-That's not true.

It's six weeks.

It'll be over before you know it.

-It'll be over before you know it?

What does that even mean?

-Stop being paranoid and get amped!

We're going to Europe!

-Is that the green light?

-The light isn't just green, it's neon.

I walked in on my mom making out with her friend Claire.

-Your mum's gay?

-No, she's a lesbutante.

She keeps it strictly above the belt.

But it was a TS sitch, so my mom is letting me go on the trip

to keep me from telling my grandma.

Little does she know, I'm totes equal opportunity.

OMG.

I have it.

Problem solved.

-Well, tell me.

-With all my mum's guilty tripping,

I bet I could swing a euro trash bash.

We'll show McKibben just how much

he'll be living if he goes with!

-I don't wanna manipulate him.

-It's not manipulation.

It's coercion.

Think about it.

JENNA (NARRATING): I was stuck with the hiccups.

An annoying series of convulsions

disrupting the blood flow from my heart to my head.

I wanted to go to Europe, and yet I

was afraid to go without Matty.

So there was only one thing left to consider.

-You really want to know what I think?

-Yes.

JENNA (NARRATING): I knew my mum would

tell me what I wanted to hear.

Stay with the--

-Go to Europe.

-Come on.

When you were my age, you would've picked Matty.

-100%.

-I rest my case.

-Jenna.

I'm not the best role model.

JENNA (NARRATING): That was a given.

-Back in the day, when I was with Ben,

I had so many opportunities to do things that I really wanted

to do, but I didn't do them because he didn't want to.

-Like what?

-Camping.

-Mum.

You are not a camper.

-Who knows?

I might be.

I do own a battery operated curling iron.

And there were so many times that I never

got to dance 'cause Ben didn't like to.

I just sat on his lap and watched

everyone around me having fun.

-Is that why you chose dad?

For his white man's overbite?

-Yes.

And someday he will bust it out for me

on a dance floor in Europe.

But until we get that chance, we really want you to have it.

JENNA (NARRATING): Surprisingly, my mum was giving good advice.

Which left me with one last resort.

Manipulation.

-And this is last stop on our tour.

(ITALIAN ACCENT) Italy.

A country full of pasta and passion.

-Does that mean I can eat pizza off your chest?

-If you go to Europe.

-I'm gonna bump uglies tonight!

-Code red.

She is wasted.

-I better help T.

-Meet you in Paris?

-How much have you had to drink?

-A lot, because tonight, I am breaking all the rules.

And my hymen.

I'm ready for Freddy to get sweaty.

-Head to Amsterdam and get a condom.

-Oh.

-She needs to sober up.

-With a cold shower.

I'll take care of it.

You just keep hammering Matty.

-Actually, I think he's warming up.

-Ricky is still being cold, and he's

been avoiding me all night.

What should I do?

-Why are you asking me?

You don't want my opinion.

-Desperate times call for desperate measures.

-Get really drunk so you throw up

and he has to hold your hair back.

Boys like to feel needed.

-Boys like to watch getting [BLEEP], not

the blowing of chunks.

-Then take your own advice.

Make him an offer he can't refuse.

-Like what?

-God's blink spot.

Back door.

-Lissa just texted again.

I think she wants to hook up.

-What'd she say?

-Let's look up.

I don't know what happened, but all the sudden, I'm you.

All these girls want a piece of me.

Even Ally James grabbed my johnson.

-That's a problem because?

-I was peeing!

-Crisis averted.

Ming's drying off and sobering up.

-Good thing she's not going to Europe.

I don't want to baby sit. -Are you going?

-Totes.

I'm signing up on Monday.

-Too late.

The trip's full.

I took the last slot.

-[BLEEP] me.

JENNA (NARRATING): I suddenly didn't

need to convince Matty to go.

I needed to convince myself to stay.

-What's wrong?

-Everything.

I need your car keys.

Good thing it's new, because it's

about to experience a serious break down.

-Hey.

-This is hello and goodbye.

I'm going to a new school.

-Why?

-My house has been redistricted.

-But your house is right across the street from the school.

-Exactly.

Becca's behind it, and she's not going

to stop until she destroys me.

She'll never let us be together.

And quite frankly, I'm afraid she's gonna hurt you.

-I can take care of myself.

-That's the thing, Ming.

You can't.

I'll never forget you.

MING: My relationship is over.

-Mine never even started.

-With who?

-Julio, Pierre, Antonio.

Take your pick.

And now I'm throwing a party for a trip I can't go on,

and there isn't even a dude here to beer goggle with.

-You're totally overreacting.

-Let me wallow in the [BLEEP] show of my life.

-While you do that, I'm gonna revenge [BLEEP].

With Becca.

Two can play her game.

-Help me.

I need to hide.

LISSA: Jake?

-Go.

I got you covered.

LISSA: Jake!

Jake?

-He's not outside.

-But I just saw him run out here.

-No, that was Scott Gold.

-Scott's black.

I get it.

Are you and Jake hooking up?

-No.

-Then out of my way.

Jake!

Jake?

It was you.

Weird.

-The coast is clear.

-Oh, thank god.

-That was so sweet, I had to memorialise it.

-I'm gonna grab another beer.

Lady?

Gent?

-I was rooting for you to pick him.

-I'm worried it's too good to last.

-Stop it.

-Here's my problem.

The parents bought me a spot on the Europe trip,

but Matty's not going.

We were gonna spend the summer together,

and now that plan is shot.

-So don't go.

-But it's Europe.

-Then go.

-But what if I miss out on something here?

What do I do?

-Shake it off.

Everything is going your way.

JENNA (NARRATING): It was true.

And familiar.

Where had I heard that before?

-Trust your gut.

JENNA (NARRATING): My gut was saying

I didn't really need to go, but Tamara did.

And suddenly, I had the answer to fix

two problems with one trip.

-I never thought I would say this,

but I can't handle all this female attention.

-Ugh.

Go.

Get out of the car.

-What?

Why?

-Because you're complaining about getting too much action

while my life is on auto combust.

-What happened?

-What didn't?

This has been the worst year of my life,

and now that Europe's off the table,

I'm gonna have a sad, lonely summer.

-You're crazy.

-All right.

Now you really can go.

-I meant, it's crazy for you to think

that you can't turn things around.

-But nobody loves me, or likes me, or even

wants to drunkenly dry hump me.

So tell me, Mr. Know-It-All.

How am I gonna turn things around?

-Do you feel better?

-That's like asking if I talk fast.

Of course I feel better, but you don't

have to do the post make out fake out.

We don't have to small talk.

-We should do that again sometime.

-OK.

How about now?

-Yeah.

-Jake and Tamara are making out.

But you have Matty, so what's the problem?

You made your choice.

-Right.

Right.

I'm being ridiculous.

-I'm so glad we can do this out in the open.

-As opposed to?

-Your blog.

-Are you--

-Not God.

JENNA (NARRATING): Clark was my mysterious commenter.

-We need to talk.

-I made out with Jake.

-You made out with Jake.

I saw you and I was pissed.

-But you said he should be with a girl more like me,

and who is more like me than me?

And it was totally just a rebound--

-And you have a trip.

I'm not going.

My spot is yours.

-Really?

-Yes.

Now let's celebrate.

-Oh my god.

-Have you seen Ricky?

-He's not in there.

-Skitch.

Were you hooking up with him?

-Not a chance.

-Move out of my way.

-Sadie, you really don't wanna go in there.

-I really don't wanna look at your fugly face.

Move.

-Fine.

Your wish is my command.

-Ricky!

I'm a bitch, but I am not a heartless bitch.

I should have seen the signs.

-What signs?

Ricky's not gay.

He's just a whore.

He'd screw anything, including Detective Nibble Kibbles.

-Who?

-My dog.

He investigates everyone's crotch except Ricky's.

I think Ricky did something to him.

-But I didn't do anything to Ricky.

-Neither did Tamara.

-No.

She didn't.

But your dork factor really wasn't doing you any favours.

Guys, I'm so so so-- I'm--

-She was about to grovel.

-And I had my phone waiting to record it.

-Well, we tried.

-Jenna.

Assistance, please.

[MUSIC - JJAMZ, "NEVER ENOUGH"]

-I'm staying.

-Why?

-Because.

-Because.

JENNA (NARRATING): I was gonna have

the best summer of my life.

-I love this song.

Let's dance.

-Oh, I'm not much of a dancer.

Come here.

JENNA (NARRATING): I finally got what I really wanted.

But I wasn't sure it was what I needed.

[MUSIC PLAYING]