Original subtitles

JENNA (VOICEOVER): Previously on "Awkward."

[ALL GASP]

-I [BLEEP] your girlfriend.

-Everyone is talking about you.

Your secret blog, not so secret anymore.

-You humiliated me.

[HONK] Jenna Hamilton tried to kill herself, again.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): I was dead-- metaphorically speaking.

Like Sylvia Plath, I'd taken my own life.

Except while hers ended in an open,

mine ended on the internet.

My blog was no longer a safe haven,

so there was only one way I could take refuge

in the internal slaughter in my head.

I had to put pen to paper.

Turns out releasing my blog to the public

was not the answer to my problems.

Once again, I was a pariah.

And even though I hadn't forgiven my mum for writing

the letter, she was wise to my guilt trips.

So I couldn't expect she would let

me stay home, which meant I had to insure it.

-Mum, I have a fever.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): My hand wasn't

the only thing getting hot and bothered.

My mum was too.

Suddenly, I didn't need to play sick anymore.

I was sick, and I needed to escape before I was

confronted with what I expected to see.

My mother with a--

-Dad?

-How are you feeling?

-Uncomfortable.

-Understandable.

It's probably a little shocking to see us together.

Seeing you together, not so shocking.

It's more of where and now.

-Just, uh, talk to us.

-What's going through your head?

-Your boobs.

Might want to belt up.

-I thought you were dating Hanna.

-I wasn't, which is why I came over to clear things up.

-And you did.

[GROWL]

[GIGGLE]

-Are you guys back together?

-We're working it out.

-Right.

There's still work to do.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): And if that work

was going to happen in the house,

I had to vacate the premises.

-Right, well, I am feeling much better

now, so I'm gonna head to school.

-Well let me get dressed.

-She can drive herself.

-She is not driving the slut waggon.

That thing will only bring her negative attention.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): Car or no car,

negative attention was about the only attention I could expect.

-You sure you're feeling OK?

You don't look so good.

-I'm fine.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): I wasn't.

But how do you tell your mum you're

about to walk into a public lynching?

-Really?

-Well, there're a couple small things that happened recently

which are making me a wee bit apprehensive.

-Bitch!

-Like that.

-Don't call my daughter a bitch!

-Not her, you.

-What's going on?

-So Jake broke up with me, and then

caught me making out with Matty.

Which shouldn't have been a thing,

cause I was technically single.

But he thinks I'm a cheater because he didn't know that I

was with Matty before I was with him.

So he thought that we were seeing each other while I was

seeing him, that him being Jake.

Following?

So I exposed my blog and basically everything

about myself.

And I didn't realise that there would be collateral damage,

which I guess would have kind of definitely

involves you and the letter.

-Everyone know I wrote the letter?

-You're disgusting.

-I know it seems like to do this on purpose

because things aren't resolved between us.

But I didn't mean to hurt you.

-Have a nice day, Honey.

-We need to talk.

-I can't, not now.

-Please let me say my piece.

Writing that letter to Jenna was terrible.

-Agreed

-And cruel.

-I get it.

-No, you don't.

But I do.

Because despite how together I may seem,

I was once a misfit too.

Yeah, I know it's hard to believe,

but these were not always smooth sailing for this old kemo sabe.

And do you knew who always lifted me up?

-Your mother.

-That's right.

And let me tell you I was pretty heavy back then.

I had a tendency to eat my feelings.

But no matter how heavy my load, or my ass, my mother

could always lighten it with her unconditional love.

Because that is what good mothers do.

They love their kids, they don't tear them down.

Well dog, I really expected we were

on the road to being besties.

But now I-- I don't think I can even be your friend.

-What kind of day are we looking at?

Lunch in the bathroom?

-Nope.

I'm clear for quad exposure.

I'm back in with the Mafia, big time.

They got make parents to buy me a car.

-You're kidding, why?

-It's a peace offering.

Becca's scared [BLEEP]-less of you, and by proxy, now me.

-Why is she scared of me?

-Because putting yourself up for public consumption

is like bat shizat on crack.

You're the scariest kind of loose cannon, Jenna.

You're a suicide bomber.

-I wasn't trying to blow myself up.

-Motive doesn't matter, but mission accomplished.

Your social suicide scared everyone silent.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): I assumed it was

merely the calm before the storm.

And as such, I was battening down the hatches.

-Watch it!

Jenna.

-Sorry, Julie.

Julie.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): I had hit the hornet's nest-- the Julies.

They were power brokers.

The kind of girls who could make or break a reputation

with a simple smile or a smirk.

Nobody wanted to mess with them and I definitely

didn't want them to mess with me.

-What you did was ballsy.

-And psychotic.

-It was a mistake.

-No, the mistake was teaching Matty for Jake.

Team Jake all the way.

-Seriously?

When Matty showed up at the dance, total penny drop.

-Forget you.

Nothing trumps the bit with Jake when

he decked out his mum's minivan.

-It wasn't really a bit.

That actually happened.

-Whenever.

I just loved it.

Anywho, got to go.

Backup pants are calling.

-That was strange.

-And unexpected.

-She just said backup pants.

That was her quoting you, quoting me.

Do you realised what had just happened?

You've just that it's bitch-backed by Julies.

-OK.

-You don't get it.

You're like a small cable show.

You may not have a budget or marketing,

but you're interesting and you're

catching on with the right peeps.

Peeps that get you and care what you think.

Nobody cares what I think.

-But ironically, they did.

I had fans.

And they wanted dating advice, fashion

tips, and a teenage perspective.

Suddenly everyone needed my opinion on their life,

and to weigh in on mine.

It was overwhelming, and exhilarating.

I was a taste maker.

-How is the Hamil-troll star rising, while mind falls.

The bitch really crossed the line

exposing my relationship with Ricky.

-I call shenanigans.

She didn't ho and tell.

Everyone already about you and Ricky.

-Ho and tell?

Don't make me puke with that side stooge's lingo.

-Look, I know Jenna's blog didn't

paint you in the best light.

But you gotta give her credit, she can spell.

-I'm not going to give her credit

for anything except inducing my stress.

She totally exaggerated Ricky's past indiscretions

on that retarded blog, which is why I now

have the worst break out of my life.

See?

-Tia!

-Please stop with the slang or I'm going to slap you.

Why you looking at me like that?

-I don't think you're breaking out.

You've been making out.

That is a kiss blister.

-What the hell is a kiss blister?

-Herpes.

-This is not that.

It's a zit.

-Good luck with everything.

-You should say something.

-What is there to say that hasn't

already been said or read.

-Good point.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): With all my new found validation,

I'd almost forgotten the one opinion mattered most.

Make that the two opinions.

-Maybe it is a good time to talk,

so my new positive approval rating

could be rubbing off on them too.

Right?

-I don't know about them, but it's

definitely rubbing off on me.

People have been rocking my slanguage left and right.

I've heard three Tamarisms it in the first two periods alone.

Although, Amy Dubay doesn't really get that

a Fail Mary isn't a good thing.

Go, talk to them.

What's the worst that could happen?

-They could spit in my face.

-They could, but they won't.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): Turns out my great expectations,

not so great.

-Hey, do you mind if we switch seats?

-I do.

I'm not on your team.

-I am.

You can switch with me.

-Thanks, but my objective is to get further from someone,

not closer.

-Can we trade?

-No.

-You're lame.

No wonder Jenna dumped you.

-All right, Frenchies.

Miss Kang had an emergency and had to go home,

probably 'cause she ate some bad creme fraiche this morning.

Some creme not so fraiche, huh?

C'est la vie.

Well I didn't have time to call in a sub,

so you're watching a movie.

It's called Jules and Jim, so in case you

want to tune out and take a napster,

here are the highlights.

"Two best friends follow in love with the same woman, who leaves

the insecure one for the passionate one,

causing friction between them.

Then the woman drives one of them off a bridge.

-A stupid, suicidal girl comes in between two friends.

That sounds familiar.

-Oh, it's just like Jenna Hamilton's life.

-Except the movie is better because the girl actually dies.

-I hope you're taking notes because Matty's

not in the wrong, you are.

-Listen, I appreciate your opinion,

but you don't have all the information.

-Actually I do.

I read the blog.

-Good for you.

But there's no way stupid movie's

going to give me new perspective.

I'm never talking to that [BLEEP]-hole again.

[SPEAKING FRENCH]

-We should talk.

Why didn't you just tell me that the camp girl was Jenna?

-I don't know, man.

I was still figuring it all out when

suddenly you were into her.

And every time I tried to tell you, it got more complicated.

-More complicated than this?

Dude, I don't want our friendship to go out this way.

-Neither do I.

-So what we do?

-We just move on and, we tell each other the truth, OK?

About everything.

-Good for me.

-Me too.

(BOTH): Well so you should know-- I still love Jenna.

[BACKGROUND CHATTER]

-Can you help get me somewhere safe and out of the spotlight?

-I got you, J.

-Back off, sycophants.

Jenna doesn't have all the answers.

-But you do have all the answers.

-Have you read my blog?

I don't.

My life is a mess.

-Au contraire.

That's French for "on the contrary."

-I gathered.

-Your life isn't a mess, it's amazing.

You have friends, a bro-down, and a very nice way with words,

which I know because I devoured every last one of them.

Virtually speaking, of course.

-Of course.

-So here's what I need to know--

JENNA (VOICEOVER): I was bracing myself.

-Will you help me write my memoir?

-This is getting insane.

I'm not a role model.

-No, you're a Lifetime movie.

Seriously, we should think about adapting your blog.

-This isn't a movie.

This is my life and I don't have a remote

to take control, or delete the traumatic episodes

involving Matty and Jake.

They're never going to talk to me again.

-That's so major.

Ma-jor.

-"May-jore."

Major, "mayjore"-- lose the e and stress the o.

-Amazeballs, and so are you.

You really dodged a bullet with that Ricky reject.

Rumour has it he's rocking some nasty STDs in his sex cretins.

-Sexcretions.

But he is a cretin, that's for sure.

See Jenna?

Nothing to worry about.

You're on a positively positive upswing.

The boys are bound to come around.

-No doubt.

I mean, it's not like you gave them herpes.

-[BLEEP].

JENNA (VOICEOVER): Finally, the tide had turned

and I was about to get the smackdown I had anticipated.

-OK, here we go.

Lay it on me, I'm ready.

-We've decided not to let a girl come between us.

-I understand.

-So you need to choose.

Him or me.

[ALL TALKING]

-I know.

I know.

I know!

Just let me be.

-Mum, I'm home.

[PHONE RINGS]

-Please don't.

-Hello?

I'm fine.

My mother is not a monster.

Has this been happening all day?

-Honey, don't worry about it.

How about a snack?

JENNA (VOICEOVER): Apparently my stigma hadn't disappeared.

It transferred to my mother.

-Mum, I am so sorry.

You have nothing to apologise for.

I deserve this.

-This isn't tit for tat, I swear.

-I know, because even though you haven't forgiven me,

you have never been cruel.

But I have.

That letter was cruel.

-So why did you write it?

-The day I wrote it, my mother laid into me telling me

that I wasn't raising you right.

And instead of tuning her out, I tuned her in.

And I did what I never wanted to do.

I attacked you the way that she has always attacked me.

And it wasn't right or fair.

It was just a family pattern that apparently I

couldn't break.

I need to call dad.

-No, please.

Please don't call him.

-He can fix this.

-I know, but he can't fix me.

I'm a monster.

-That's not true.

-Jenna, your dad didn't stay with me for me.

He stayed for you.

And while I will always be your mother,

and I will always love you, have a choice.

You don't have to love me.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): Again, my life

was full of unexpected choices, choices

that I didn't want to make.

-You can handle this with medication.

-I don't want to take medication,

I want to wring Ricky's neck.

-And you should.

A real man would have disclosed.

He's branded you for life.

So should I break up with him?

-I don't know.

Who else is going to want you now?

Actually, a lot of guys.

According to the commercials, one out of every four.

[PHONE RINGS]

-It's my doctor.

I'm too nervous, answer it.

-Hi!

(DEEPER VOICE) Yes, this is Sadie.

It's not herpes.

-So it's nothing.

-Told you so.

-I was just about to break up with Ricky thanks to you.

I'm going to go before I wring your neck.

-Dropped a new word today-- adora-whore-able.

-Adorawhorable?

What's it mean?

-Slutty, yet sweet.

-You've heard it?

-Unfortunately.

Amanda Shillingford said it in reference

to me on my out of geometry.

-God, I am so on fire.

I'm trend setting.

-And I'm trending in two categories--

#jennapickjack and #jennapickmatty.

-Why can't everyone just mind their own business?

You need to breathe.

And then tell us who it's going to be.

-Is it Matty or me.

-No pressure or anything.

-I appreciate that.

-But we need to know.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): And so did everyone else.

-I just, I can't think like this.

-Then don't.

We'll do for you.

I can vouch for Matty.

He's a good looking guy with a great head of hair

and a really big heart.

-That means a lot, man.

And see it's that kind of thoughtfulness that

makes Jake the better contender.

He's about the best kind of friend

to have around when the going gets tough.

-You're no slouch in that department either, man.

-I don't know what I would have done without you when

my brother went to rehab last year.

-And when my mum had they cancer scare,

you were right by my side.

-I'll be there again.

-So?

-I've made a decision.

You should date each other.

Is mum coming to dinner?

-She went to bed.

-It's 6 o'clock.

-She's had a rough couple of days,

and she's going to get through it.

-With you?

-I'm not going anywhere.

-Did you only stay with mum for me?

-Your mum tell you that?

-Yeah.

When we were younger, I did and said a lot awful things to her.

Things she's forgiven but clearly hasn't forgotten.

I wasn't always the best guy.

-Let's be real, she hasn't always been the best either.

-I know, but you've got to cut her some slack.

Because what you don't know is that I wasn't always

around as much as I should have been.

And when I was, you didn't want me to hold you.

-That's not true, you were the only one

who could put me to sleep.

-With your mum's song.

Singing that lullaby was the only way

to get you to calm down, so your mum taught it to me.

She wanted me to be your hero.

-You are my hero, Dad.

-And your mum is mine.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): In an unexpected turn of events,

I was neither a winner, or a loser.

I was a chooser.

But someone had to win, someone had to lose,

and I was still left to choose.

It was a big decision, and not an easy one to make.

So I had chosen my mum.

-(SINGING) Special, wonderful surprise.

Rest your eyes, rest your eyes.

What a blessing you have made.

-(BOTH SINGING): When you wake, when you wake,

strong and beautiful you'll be.

Next to me, next to me.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): Next on "Awkward."

-If you had a do-over, how would you handle it?

JENNA (VOICEOVER): A do-over?

It was an interesting concept.

-I was afraid you weren't going to show.

-Wait.

-Enough about Matty, I'm pro-Jake.

FEMALE SPEAKER: So I'll break it up with Matty,

you get rid of Lissa, and we can be together.

-Cool.

JENNA (VOICEOVER): I didn't have to choose

between Matty and Jake, but I wanted to.

And I finally knew who it would be with.