Original subtitles

I think Thomas just jacked the Albanians. Go!

Fuck you.

Where is the fuck up?

showing the stock it's like please take stock on how shit you are or like

uh stock stock

stock up on um knowledge about the situation just

don't make mistakes so hang on what did you do when they asked about day

trading oh i said oh fuck

Hugh, did you update that server?

Oh.

Hmm. Fuck off.

I mean, it wasn't sort of fuck off in a sort of nasty way. It was sort of a fuck

off joke. Well, I can't say I quite get the joke myself.

And this isn't the first time we've had to talk about your soft skills.

Look, Hugh, keep in your lane.

Stay on top of the Wi -Fi and stop trying to be part of the team.

Is your Wi -Fi okay?

It's fine.

Okay. What's your name?

Marlon Swift.

You had a chance to see the script?

Would it be okay if I went a bit off -piste? I was fine.

Improv helps me find the truth of a character.

Yeah, sure.

It's not hard.

It's impossible, Jennifer.

Impossible. To be in a body that won't give you what you want.

No.

Don't, Jennifer.

Please.

Don't you dare cry.

Don't you do that, Jen.

This isn't about you. I want you so much, but my body... Sorry, I think,

maybe just one on script.

It's not hard to stay hard with rocket power for men.

I can't do this anymore, Terry. I'm on proper work.

Says the pizza knight.

I didn't spend three years at drama school to end up selling frozen peanuts.

No more ads acting authentic gritty characters. I want to plumb the depths

the human condition.

You've been down this road before.

Feedback's always the same. They don't buy you as the intense guy who's seen

horrors. I'm an actor. I can be anything.

You're from the Cotswolds. You're not Al Pacino.

Look, I've got something that's much more your wheelhouse. Fresh in this

morning. West End venue.

West End, OK.

Character is an elven messenger who directs kids to the toy store of their

dreams.

Is this going to be about with the time?

In the West End.

I really think you can bring something to this. The only thing is, they need

someone to commit for the whole season.

use your toilet?

Sorry, toilets are only for paying customers.

Please, I'm desperate.

I'm afraid it's a strict rule. We will have to get something.

Oh, fine, fine.

Just do me a Celtic symbol.

But be quick.

Nice. Great escalation.

See, that was funny because they weren't trying to be funny. They just committed

to their characters and rolled with it.

Um, yeah, Trish and Dave, you're up.

Oh.

Okay, okay.

Scene title, customer service.

How can I help you, sir?

I've got a rash.

Oh, well, lucky for you, I'm a doctor.

No, you're not. You're a plumber.

A plumber?

No. No, I'm a doctor.

Oh, okay, okay, okay.

If she says she's a doctor, she's a doctor, right?

Yes, and, yes, and, always yes, and, and then build on it. Never hang your

partner out to dry.

See, improv is all about being in the moment, even if the moment is completely

insane. Because when you're on that stage, there are no mistakes, only

opportunity.

Sorry, I'm so sorry. No, it's okay. You here for class?

Oh, that's great. Let's get you to jump in with Marlon.

Marlon?

I was just working on my character. Maybe a war veteran.

Yeah, you don't know what the scene is yet, Marlon.

Come on.

Yeah. Okay.

Just trust your gut.

And when in doubt, yes.

And?

Oh,

I was just saying, yeah. But, yeah.

Yeah, you can just wait till the scene starts.

Okay, scene title, Bad Babysitter.

Sorry I'm late.

I was just remembering what happened over there, you know.

The carnage.

So where's my boy?

Don't overthink it.

Crikey, where's little Timmy? First thing that pops into your head. I really

have no clue.

You lost my son.

Thank you, Kat. See you next week.

Hey, Kat.

Did you get that my war vet was anti -vax?

Yeah.

Good.

Find out to the rest of the class.

Um... I was just trying to improvise something around the word class.

I wouldn't force it.

Why? Why? Just relax.

Oh, my Christ.

I'm so sorry. No, it's fine. Leave it. You sure? Yeah, yeah, I got it. I got

No problem.

I'll see you next week. Okay.

Hey, Kat, can we have some advice?

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course. Because we've got some agents coming to the

showcase next week.

What?

Wow, that was fast.

So, are there any questions we should ask?

Oh, well, um, see.

You could ask, are they looking for a 39 -year -old redhead with an expiring

work visa?

No, no, no, no, no. I would ask how they're going to handle it when the

auditions dry up.

When you've been hustling for years and years and years and you've got nothing

to show for it other than two lines, a sassy barista and a shitty sitcom.

I mean, that's the question, right?

Are they going to stick around when things get fucking dark?

Thanks, Kat.

Yeah. Anytime.

What the fuck?

I mean, obviously life is hell at the moment.

Since Paul and I sold the company, we're stuck having sex again.

It's a nightmare.

As if having baby number four wasn't enough, planning this one's end has been

absolute mindfuck.

I've got nothing crazy, guys, please. I know, don't worry. Superjewel Live.

Budget's 500 each.

Each? Yeah, but that covers literally everything except food and drink. Where

are we going, Dubai?

You are so funny, Kat.

Look, I'm not saying I'm getting married just so we can see you again, but,

babes, it's been too long. Crazy. Way too long. And you all look so perfect

professional.

And it's late?

Remember our flat in Brixton?

We were crazy.

I do kind of miss those days.

I don't. Perma hangover.

Greasy takeaway at 5am. You know, I still order from Bing Palace.

Why?

Are you joking?

Yeah.

I mean, I do sometimes, but, you know.

How's it going with the comedy?

I thought someone said that you're teaching. You're a teacher.

Oh, no, no, no. I'm not like a teacher teacher.

I'm just doing it for right now, you know. You know, if you need money, we

always lend you. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no. I'm fine.

I'm fine. I'm going to be rewriting my solo show.

And, you know, if I get it produced, that is great.

You're obviously crazy talented, but it feels like it's been ten years.

of rewriting this solo show, and we're just worried that the world is never

going to see what we see.

Well, what I see is empty glasses.

Terry?

So the boner pill guys tell me you went full Daniel Day -Lewis.

Do they like it?

Marlon, this actor you're trying to be, sorry, but you don't have it in you.

I think maybe it's time we parted ways.

Bye.

Here you go.

I'll get something for you. Quick one, yeah?

Just heading out for a pint. One's if you're free.

Me? Yeah, I could, sure. Yeah, cool.

Oh, sorry. Would you mind popping over to my desk and sorting out the

Tanglewires and shit?

Cheers, mate.

Thank you.

Ladies and gentlemen, Karen Bryant!

Thank you. Thank you. Thank you so much, everyone. Thank you. I'm Pat. I coach

improv here, which you can tell from how well I moved that chair.

These guys have worked so hard over the last two weeks and they're ready to

rock. So, shall we get them in? Come on in, everyone!

I'm a great job with this lot.

Thanks.

Listen, I don't know what your availability's like, but I'm...

I'm looking to work with someone just like you.

Oh, are you, like, an agent, producer, or...?

Detective Sergeant.

It's a programme the Met have been running for the last year, using

for low -level stings to bust counterfeiters, unlicensed bookies, you

kind of thing.

Why improvisers?

Crugs. Well, the police are my loft. Plus, we're not so good at thinking on

feet. But you are.

In fact, I've been watching you for a while now.

I can see you're one of the best.

You'd have backup, so it's negligible risk.

So is this like a volunteer thing?

It's 100 quid a pop.

Each.

Each?

Operatives work in threes.

You're called to bring in.

I think it's over.

Definitely safe.

Had no complaints.

Just funeral.

Hey, I've got exciting news.

We know. Never thought it would happen literally on the night.

What? What happened? We got signed.

That's what you meant, right?

Yes. Yeah.

She's taking us to Soho House.

Thank you for everything, Kat. You are an amazing teacher. You're the best.

Okay, so here's the deal.

200 each, and we'd be doing a public service.

I don't know. I got into improv to help my character work, not the cops.

This is character work.

Well, I suppose it's sort of going undercover.

Well, we'd just go and buy something.

Could write a whole backstory.

You could.

Who is this guy?

Why is he buying fake handbags? What does he know?

Uh -huh.

Hugh? You in?

Oh, gosh.

Police. Gets your blood pumping just saying the word, doesn't it?

I don't know. It might be tricky getting time off work.

Dude, can you imagine the stories you can tell at work once you've done things

for the police?

What do we think of a costume?

Cops ass in your face.

Too much?

Fine, I can take notes.

Right, super simple.

There's been a citywide uptick in the sale of counterfeit cigarettes.

Shop full of all sorts of cheap nasties. Old crisis in the making.

We've got intel.

The shop down the road is in on it.

Paid him a visit.

Asked for something more affordable. That's a code phrase.

Then buy a brick and leave.

So we each buy one?

Or... Ah, forget your versions.

Point. Wing.

Nest. Point makes the order. Wing.

Browse us nearby there if needed.

Nest is in the doorway on lookout.

Here. Take this.

Call me before entry, so I can get them on tape.

Don't we need a wire?

Why don't you get them later with the snipers in proximity, mind? You can't

help. Go on, fuck off.

Okay.

This is just another round of improv, yes? Remember the fundamentals?

Yes, and?

What character are you bringing in?

I don't think we need to bring in characters.

Maybe a single mom desperate because she can't afford a Marlboro Red? Sure.

And I'm your brother. Right. In -law.

A cobbler who got addicted to the shoe glue and lost it all on the back street

of Manchester.

I got dark.

That's cobbling. What about you, Hugh?

Any accents that would be sweet?

I hope you're fucking pillow.

I think you're leaving. I agree.

I'm sorry. Listen, listen, don't, don't, don't, don't. Relax, relax, relax.

Follow my lead.

Okay? Title, easiest 200 quid ever.

It's freezing outside.

What can I get you?

You think this is cold?

Try winter in Manchester.

Can't resolve a boot in Sub -Zero, let me tell you.

You know him?

Brother -in -law.

Wish I didn't.

Can I get some smokes?

Come in.

I'm looking for something more...

Sorry, Kat. No, sorry, everyone. What's going on, eh?

You guys all together?

No problem, lad.

We're looking for something... affordable.

Something more affordable.

Anything else?

Yeah.

Something even more affordable.

Something spicier, yeah?

A bit of weed?

We look like the sort of mouths that get high on baby food.

What the fuck?

How do I know?

You're not copy.

Oh, that's right, won't it?

After you get out, I'll take your tongue out of your head.

You heard the man.

How much you looking to spend?

How much you got?

Buying to sell?

Smarter than you look.

Let me make a call, yeah?

What the fuck are you doing?

Don't worry about you. It's the one who had you later.

What's the regret?

I don't understand. Buy the cigarettes and go. And block the thing that don't

anything.

Not here.

Follow me, yeah?

Hold it down, lad.

I feed

it with you.

Weapons in the box.

Take him out.

Bias, eh?

He looks like a fucking accountant.

He's our end to the city crowd.

Got it started in security fraud, then pivoted to after -hours supply when

regulators got wise.

First -name terms with every CEO in London.

They call him the Squire.

What day is that?

That's why he's dressed like a fucking cunt.

Yeah.

Exactly.

The Yank.

Had to get out of Chicago.

Oh. Too much heat.

Not enough.

Oh.

Take it a small time.

So you're big timers.

How come I've never heard of you?

Client demand discretion.

Huh?

We're only off -patch because we had some bad shit that went down.

A few tops and offs, then. Who gives a fuck?

It's bad for business.

We need a new supply.

All right.

Small operation.

Targeted market.

Your name's Fly.

Bonnie.

I'm guessing you're the brains, Bonnie.

Roche.

The muscle.

The squire.

The... Squire.

Shosh.

Albanian hookup. Got a good rate.

If you follow.

So I need it gone.

Three bricks. Call it.

50k?

It's legit.

70%. Who's your nose?

Squire? Come on.

Come on. Have a seat.

Oh, I don't really do the whole kind of key thing.

All right.

You want a proper line?

Little Lord Fauntleroy wants a proper line.

It's all right. Sure.

Go on.

Oh, thank you very much.

That's very kind. Thank you.

Okay.

Very good.

Very nice.

Very nice.

That'll be days.

How do we know the rest ain't flour?

Definitely not flour, is it?

That is cocaine.

Yeah. Yep.

Good to confirm.

That is cocaine.

Okay.

Genda.

See you again.

You take our coke.

You take our fucking coke.

This is it.

Where is the rest?

Huh?

Up his nose.

That's our coke.

They didn't steal from you.

They're buying from us.

Let him go.

You're embarrassing yourself.

And who the fuck are you?

Scandalize a bit disrespectful.

Boys. This is not my beer.

But if you're looking to buy, your competition here just offered us 50,

so do we have another bidder?

What? 50 square?

Here you go, right?

I'll give you 50. Call it 80 or fuck off.

What?

Make me feel alive.

It is so good to feel alive. Not really buzzing and lying connected on the

cellular level. Because, like, what is life? Is time, like, really linear? Or,

in a way, are we just living through everything that ever happened all at the

same time? Shut the fuck up!

Yeah,

it's all there.

Fuck you.

Bitch.

He sold him back his own coat.

You fucking mad.

Listen, if your bad batch spooked your customers, there's work for you here.

I could do with people to think on their feet, you know?

All you had to do was buy the cigarettes.

But no, you come back bleeding, coked up and covered in sick.

So I could have killed you.

I'm really sorry.

But he didn't.

You have to go back in.

What? You could infiltrate his crew.

Fly most 10 mil a year.

If you can get tabs on his next deal, my God, that'd be huge for the Met.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. We almost died.

I think I still might.

I mean, we were pretty damn good. Marlon, no fucking way. This is getting

completely out of control. Okay.

Okay, forget the police.

This could be huge for you.

Improv comics take down criminal empire.

You heard of Donnie Brasco?

Certainly cool, yeah?

You'd be heroes.

How many rejections have you faced?

How many times have you been made to feel like an old buddy?

Today, I saw what you could do.

All you want the world to see.

Penetrating Fly's gang takes you well beyond the remit of this program.

You go in deep cover.

To all intents and purposes, you are Bonnie, Roach, and the Squire.

The only person who knows your real identities is me.

Now, the rules of undercover policing are simple.

Never break character, say yes, and always, always trust your partner.

Remember, we need info.

on Fly's next supply deal.

I don't want to frisk you. So trust your skills.

You need to fuck off.

Trust each other.

You've got her.

And trust me, you will be heroes.

Thank you.

Fly's back there.

A lady in need?

Because I need a man.

No, God, no, you are a fantastic, strong, uh, bull.

No, I just meant a lady in need of a, of a, of a, of a bigger challenge.

That's what I... Oh, someone with eyes on.

There.

Ah, it's the city slickers.

One that a few'd shop.

Yeah, we're going to close up shop for a while.

Lay low.

Well, there's nothing really doing right now.

But... This prick owes me 20 grand.

I want you to go and shake him down.

Oh, Pinot Noir, lovely drop.

Yeah, it's smooth with a chocolate finish.

It's strange.

But also polite and well -dressed.

You remind me of that movie.

Bond.

Paddington. Yeah.

Yeah. Right, there we go.

For what it's worth, you're quite strange, too.

So we don't actually do this. Of course you do.

Pass the test, go deeper.

Game flies trust.

I really don't like the sound of it. What if he's got a gun?

Maybe we should go in strapped.

Strapped, Marlon? What are you talking about?

It's what Roach would say. Please don't pull me out of character. Listen, this

bozo's not going to fuck with fight.

And I'm on standby in case it goes south, but it won't.

Worst case, we've got the squire.

That doesn't even mean anything.

You're going to be fine.

Low risk, high reward.

Now shut the fuck up and go.

What if he doesn't pay?

I'll make him. This box crossed me too many times.

Do you know him? Is he violent? Just ignore him. He's being method.

I'm sorry.

I haven't committed to your character. If he goes sideways, just throw in a

grenade. A grenade?

A curveball. Something he won't see coming.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey. Listen, listen.

What's most important is trust your gut. Remember?

Right.

Time to get revenge for what happened in Milan.

It's this way.

Roach has no sense of direction.

Interesting.

Where's the fucking cat faggot?

Easy, easy.

Give us the money and we leave you in peace.

Don't fly, I'm good for it. Oh, so we're doing this the odd way.

You want a squire?

Who's a squire?

What the fuck? Hold him down.

Take his dick out.

Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold him down.

Take his fucking dick out. Stop, stop, stop.

I have it.

Where do you think you're going?

The cash is in my gym bag.

Oh, yeah?

This gym bag.

Holy shit.

Were you going to shank or say gar?

You lot need to calm down. Hey, I ain't going nowhere.

Is there something you should know?

Fuck! You! In your house!

Fuck.

Hey, maybe he's not dead.

Sagar, Sagar, mate. He's definitely dead. What the fuck did we do?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, Corey.

No.

What?

Get this hatch back to fly.

Marlon. Need proof of death.

That's with the bull.

Get it on.

What's that, Tom?

Hey, things happen. No. Sorry, but it never happened to me.

What you signed up for?

We did not sign up to kill people.

He chose to run. We just... Threatened to iron his dick?

Told you not to escalate. It's where the scene went.

Not this... clean anymore, Marlin. This is real.

Exactly. So get your head straight, the lot of you.

Because otherwise, you won't die on stage.

You'll fucking die.

I'll clean things up this end. You'll go back to fly. Take responsibility for

the hit.

They'll trust you now.

Eyes on the prize, Bonnie.

What could be a sleep button?

We saw a man die, Hugh. Figure battles.

What have we got?

Hit and run.

Unknown male.

He's not unknown.

Sorry I'm late.

Over or under?

Under, surely.

Yeah. Hello?

Hello.

Hi, Inspector.

I'm Robin Beverley.

I'm your new deputy.

Wait till City Hall get a load of this, huh? What?

Wait till City Hall get a load of this?

Just because I'm quite serious.

You mean someone's dead, right?

Not just someone.

The Iceman.

Notorious gangland assassin who's had us chasing shadows for years.

Chasing shadows with the two wet right arms. There's the culprit.

And then he gets mowed down by some random drunk.

What aren't we seeing?

So this is where you've been hiding.

He was chased by a phalanx.

Persuaded one.

Twisted. So, neighbours saw three figures standing over the body, taking

pictures of it and talking to it.

Who are these psychos?

A red -headed woman.

Sog in an army jacket and a smartly dressed South Asian male.

No one in town would dare go after the Iceman.

These guys are new.

These guys are different.

He wouldn't pay.

Tried to run.

So the Squire offered him a bottle of something nice and broken.

Hmm. New Ice, the Iceman.

Who's that?

The Iceman?

Sago was a hitman.

And his prime, he was one of the best.

I had to check you with a real deal.

And clearly you are.

That's your cut.

Glad we've got the foreplay out of the way.

So, you giving us a when and where for the Major League shit?

Maybe we should go work for the Albanians.

When the next shipment firms up, you'll know about it.

Yeah, that all?

No.

It's my birthday.

I gotta get cleaned up.

Because tonight we're going fucking big.

Hey.

Remember, these guys go hard.

Don't try to match them drink for drink.

Exactly. The pills in mine will know it.

Let's hope it's not that kind of night.

There's always one who can't hold their drink, and it's the fucking Yang.

Yeah, it is.

Cut.

Harriet.

Hi, shit.

Oh, my God. Hi. Hello.

Are you... Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm great. I'm just... Tonight I'm out with some... Some colleagues.

But you said you couldn't come tonight because you had an audition.

Audition?

You know.

Uh, the Iceman. The Iceman Thomas.

Your Cheeto meal.

Oh, lovely.

Who are these buds?

Buds? Wow.

Um, um, there's, you know, some grand bankruptages.

Huh? Um... We're off your pop girls.

She's not selling tonight.

Kat? Why don't you come with us?

The fuck did I keep saying Kat?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. It's, um, nicknamed Kat. Like, um, you

Kat. You're doing Kat to men? Oh, my God. No.

No. No, you should just... You should just... You should go.

Cap,

don't turn to drugs just because life wasn't turned out how you hoped.

No one can make a living in comedy.

Oh, fuck off.

I'm actually doing something incredible right now.

Cap, this isn't a joke.

These aren't our kind of people.

She told you now.

Come on. Let's go. We're going. We're going.

Fucking fiends.

Happy birthday, boss.

So where'd you get in the game, anyway?

Thank you.

I've got bodies buried in 15 states. I don't really do backstory.

I do.

Oh, yeah?

What's your story, Rog?

I've travelled, Ronald.

Ran away from my parents when I was five.

By the time acne was kicking in, I was a stable boy in Zurich.

That's where I grew entranced by those beasts, ancient power.

They spoke to me.

I became their agent of destruction, burning rival barns, spoiling their

smithies.

By the time I'd learned to palm an ace of spades, well, Monte Carlo couldn't

come quick enough.

Except it did.

But you sound like you're from the north.

Then I lived in Manchester for years.

If I didn't know you were the real deal...

I still think you are full of shit.

What about you, Squire?

Well, I worked somewhere where people treated me like shit.

Banker scam.

Yeah.

I guess I felt pretty alone when I met these guys and decided to try

something new.

Something dangerous.

And now I'm not so alone.

How about you, Fly?

My old man was in the game.

He got shot by a copper.

My man went with this right piece of shit.

Horrible bastard he was.

Proper bully.

I left home when I was 14.

It was fun.

I'll make my own way in the world.

So my little girl never has to go through shit that I had to your daughter

Yeah, she's in Portugal I've a different life.

It's like the beach after school.

I'm fishing at the weekends sunshine I Don't really

like people knowing about her why'd you tell us?

Metcalf.

Metcalf? Who's Metcalf?

The boss.

He wants to talk.

With all of us.

Let's get cleaned up.

When we get in there, don't talk to him.

You don't even look at him. Right?

What a wonderful game, eh?

Minutes alone.

Lifetime to master.

And tell me, how many other games are suitable for teaching important truths

about the human condition?

Order is delicate.

Come on, Fly, your turn.

Just remember, slightest miscalculation and everything you've built...

Comes tumbling in.

Another one.

I heard you pinched in the Albanians.

And then with the help of the three stooges here, you sold it back to him.

Bit of a result, actually.

No.

Until they ran it through their labs and found out it was theirs.

Miscalculation, Fly.

I do not.

They told me.

I'm in business with them.

You make peace with the Albanians.

Another one.

I was brokering a deal to make them my exclusive coke people.

Triple my supply, but suddenly my phone calls are not being answered. And I

found out it's because of years, years, and years.

Fuck are they?

They're legit.

Like they're in the Iceman.

Oh, a patient who could barely do it with his own shoelaces. Whoop -dee

-doo. All right, look.

I'm fucked up.

I'll talk to the Albanians.

That'd be a short conversation for us, because they want you dead.

I'll talk to him.

But I think you sound not as charming as I used to be. You'll find me a new

supply.

What, you've never seen a rat before?

Pull us out. We're done.

I need a gun.

Listen, you've got deeper in two days than we've managed in two years. You

quit now.

That cat's fucking insane.

He just killed someone right in front of us. Tell him I need a gun. I'm

escalating this end. Full tactical unit on standby.

This is going to be even bigger than we imagined.

Stay in.

Sir, you're going to want to take a look at this.

Sorry, I just always wanted to say that.

Oh, God, what a hoot.

Which department did you come from?

Waterways?

Yeah, rivers, streams.

That's a hell of a promotion.

Is your dad the commissioner or something?

No, it's my uncle.

It's from surveillance.

What have we got here?

Hello, Skender.

Baddie? He killed my last partner.

Baddie. Goes into flies.

Comes out in one piece.

So does fly.

It was a sit -down. That makes no sense. They hate each other.

Nobody could make them.

Are they in charge?

They execute the Iceman to make a statement, then broker a deal between

rivals to let everyone know that they're the new... Top boy.

And girl.

And another boy. I understand.

These guys are not just guns for hire.

They're pulling the strings.

Metcalf wants a new supply.

Someone we know, Stratford, weighs out a shipment coming.

Kailash? Yeah.

What's the deal with Kailash?

I don't know.

Let's just say we have history.

So you're going to do the deal. You have a little taste.

If it's good, you buy the lot.

Right?

Shots will drop you.

Whoa,

whoa, whoa. What the hell is that?

Things go sideways throwing a grenade. Not a literal grenade.

Now here, what's the difference?

Hey, are you good?

Look at me.

Are you good?

Yeah, Bonnie, I'm good.

Easiest joke deal ever.

What?

We're buyers.

You want food, yeah?

No food.

Drugs.

How much do you want?

What are we talking?

Colombian? Olivian?

French?

Do you speak French?

Nitro, innit?

Nitro? Nines.

Laughing guy.

No, no.

We need coke.

We ain't got no coke, just none.

Oi, if I had a gear, I'd fuck off.

Is that even illegal?

Not tipped to death, just to supply. Rosie, these thickheads are chatting

feds. Are you not fed?

Well, the fed have this.

What are you saying?

What are you saying?

I'm saying we're here for class A's, not party balloons.

So unless you've got something serious to share, we'll leave you pricks to your

fucking sleepover.

Please, Anna.

What are you saying now?

Here's what I'm saying now.

Roach. Roach.

Fucking chill, man.

It's a fucking grenade, guy.

Okay, run!

Are you lost?

We're done, yeah?

Finally.

Where's the cork?

Back?

Thanks. We need help.

Merlin's cut.

Stay still. Leave it, leave it. It only scars if you let it bleed.

What the fuck's this?

Where's the money?

It's here. Jesus Christ.

That's it?

I thought this was big.

It's just a taste.

Oh, fucking hell!

Hey.

Where's the tactical unit?

Yeah, it's complicated.

Now, get out of here. I've got to clean this lot up.

No, no, no, no.

We're not putting our lives on the line for a dirty cop.

Oh.

You want out, do you?

Go back to comedy like there's no dead body in the morgue.

You killed him, huh?

Working for you.

They don't know that.

You need cover.

As far as they're concerned, you work for FLY.

Fucking idiots.

And they think you're back in to pay for my retirement.

And I chose actors because you are the only ones desperate enough to say yes.

So, until I see a real payday, you're staying in. Fuck off. You've got no

choice.

All the files that ID you as legitimate mortals are encrypted.

Right here.

Go ahead, take it.

Yeah.

So we understand each other.

I'm getting what I need.

And until then, if I say jump, you say how.

Fucking cops.

Let's get him out of here.

Fucking laughing gas?

Not bad intel.

Unlike the piggy -wiggy here who somehow knew to be there.

I think he was tipped.

That's why I went in. I saw his car outside the club last week.

Someone's flipped.

Oh, hunting season.

Ah, the glorious swell for grass.

And then partridge in September and pheasants in October.

And it's any fucking time for rats. Right, Clive?

Right.

You know what they say.

Longer the tail, louder the squeak.

Well, you go save yourself, young man.

I've got something swinging between my legs.

But it ain't no tail.

I knew you, lady.

Obviously the brains of the outfit.

Charming.

And you, wee man.

You looking forward to your next bit of cheese?

It's actually a little myth that rats like cheese might do, but rats are

actually omnivores.

But you got the fucking mouth, don't you?

Stop.

My guy's almost died in there.

It's not there.

Then who's been squeaking to this one?

You dirty piece of... Hello?

Hello?

Oh.

They only ever called one number.

Phone's out.

Now, who have you been talking to, Peggy Wiggy?

I'll find the rat.

In the meantime, chop him.

Okay. I'll incinerate the clothes you hack. I'll help you dump.

Meet you at Rainham Marshes in an hour.

You okay to jack the ride?

Of course.

Do you need a caddick?

Yeah. Yes.

If you've got one.

Oh, yeah.

Good old caddick.

Thank you. Thank you very much. That one's weighted for me. Do you want a

lighter one?

No,

I think that should be fair.

Do you want to check?

Check.

On the body.

I'm just checking the proportions.

All right, that's how you used to cut it.

Yeah, it's the house, the house. Wow.

Fine.

I can't do this. I can't do this. I cannot do this.

Stay calm.

I've never done any of this. I shouldn't have listened to you.

Quiet down.

I go into a drug deal waiting to talk about thinking he's fucking Robert De

Niro. I was an incredible actor. You were liability.

I had to go all in, Hugh. What, somebody get hurt?

All I wanted to do was learn some people skills. I didn't want to put a spike in

a body. That was my acting. Right.

Because it's really convincing when you start talking about French cocaine.

Will you both shut the fuck up?

We need the evidence on the phone, okay? Until then, we play along.

I can't. I can't anymore.

You've got to.

You have... Got you, because they are sniffing for rats, and if we stop now,

we're dead.

So, someone needs to stop this body.

That thing's in the air, I'll do this.

Yes!

Yes! Yes, yes, yes!

Was the printer not working before?

Officers at the K -Lashteen confirmed a homicide and they found prints that

matched those at the Iceman's flat.

Our trio were there.

Forensics coming good for once, huh?

Our team is world -class, man. Oh, really? Yeah. I think just generally

saying stuff like that. Yes, I know what you mean. In fact, the lab worked

overtime and got us a positive ID on the splatter. Sorry.

He was one of our own. Poor guy, he's only one year away from retirement.

the way. You said you'd stop. That's the last one. These guys killed a police

officer. They are going down.

Now we just need to find these cold -hearted fuckers.

Oh, my.

Finally.

Which bit next?

Don't call the cab.

So, you're okay?

I'm great.

Is that... Sounds like sawing.

Yeah, just doing some woodworking.

Well... Pulls down, babe, because me and the girls want to make up with you.

Dinner at mine?

Yeah, sounds great.

What are din -dins? I gotta run some errands.

Uh, so maybe, maybe later? Don't call the cops if there's anything.

She didn't waste police time.

Okay. Love you.

Bye.

Done.

Now how the fuck do we jack a ride?

There's one that would fit our use before.

I was thinking more of a car, to be honest.

Is it really jacking if you pay for it? Well, I used a company car, but it still

feels a bit naughty.

Yeah, so they didn't start so bad after all.

That is our guy.

Let's give him a chance to do this the easy way.

Shit! Go, go, go!

Oh, they're doing it the hard way.

Stop! It's the police!

I didn't use stop. We're in Berlin, so obviously not stop the police.

Follow me!

Ah, we've lost one of them.

We've got runners hot on their tail. That's not plugged in. Fine.

Run up!

Right, you follow the little guy. I'll take this one.

Get out, get out, get out.

Go off.

Come back now.

Go back! Go back!

Reverse!

Reverse! What do you think the blue lights are?

You think I'm an ice cream van? Fucking reverse!

Alright, no, you win.

You win.

Jesus Christ.

Go on then, where you going?

Fill your boot.

It's only a fucking police chase.

I'm okay.

You okay?

I'm okay.

Get out of the way then.

He went that way.

He's faster than he looks.

much guys good.

What happened?

It's hard to explain.

You fell in the canal?

Oh, I guess not that hard.

So what now?

I mean, we can't go to the dump spot like this. The father looking for bikes.

I know where we can get a car.

She's expecting me for one of her beauty dinners.

It should almost be over.

I'm going to find the keys.

Stay out of sight.

You need a wingman.

Point wing nest.

No.

Stay with the body.

Look out for trouble.

Catty, you came.

Is it cool I brought a friend?

We're all friends here.

You distract him. I'll get the key.

know when she's here. Wait, what?

Mom? Is that... Kat, this isn't an intervention.

Wendy, I think it's started.

Kat, we're all here because we really care about you. Sorry, who are you? This

is Lotta.

She's an award -winning Harley Street psychotherapist.

Hi.

Oh, thank you.

We just had no idea how bad things got.

Nothing's bad. Everything, everything is fine.

What? Blood on your face.

Evan. I'll get you an inhaler.

Kat, your drinking's out of control, and the company you keep, I mean, he's

clearly stealing something.

I thought I was lying.

The brunch was worrying enough, and then the next time we see you... You

admitted to taking ketamine. I know you're trying to give me the keys to my

freedom, but look at me.

Seriously, look at me.

I'm an addict.

He likes you.

No.

I have never seen him like this.

Mm -hmm. What have you got in those bags?

No, it's just meat.

That's a lot of meat, isn't it?

Yeah, it's a lot of meat. Um, I, uh, a butcher gave it to me.

He was retiring.

You wouldn't mind chucking him a scrap then, would you?

I sprained my ankle, and I couldn't quit the meds, and so, you know, I got my

hands on whatever.

Codeine, Vicodin, Tramadol, Demerol, Percocet,

Whiffle Dust, Monkey Trank, White Girl, all chased down with cough syrup and

Uncle Jack and Ruth.

Oh, darling.

I need a hug.

Sweetheart. Come here. Thank you. Thank you. I kind of need to

save it.

But you've got loads.

I know, but I've got a big family.

Oh,

it's my Uber.

Oh. To rehab.

I called it the second I saw your faces.

Finish this, sweetie.

I will, Dad.

Go, go, go, go, go! Go, let's go, let's go! Get in, get in, get in, get in!

Go!

I'm in, I'm in!

I'm sorry, ma 'am.

Where have you been?

Let's go to work.

After we bury this body, we need to work out how to get the car back, wipe off

fingerprints, remove extracting devices, and somehow get the keys back inside

the house.

For that.

That works.

I'll drive you home.

Cop's phone's at an electric soft in Tottenham Hill getting hacked.

So, um, how long does that take?

To hack a phone?

Not long.

Well, no, grass will not soon enough.

So where am I dropping you guys?

Uh... Up here is fine.

So... I want to show you my place.

Brilliant.

He's fine. He can handle it.

We sure?

Come on, we need that phone.

We're here for the pig's bone.

These fucks need to hand it over.

Metcalfe's orders.

Where's Starwood?

How about I call up Metcalfe so you can explain to him that you're in charge

now?

Watch this.

That was a fucking day.

Yeah.

Do you live here alone then?

I'm going to pour out the glass.

You know Noah?

Oh, you...

Yeah, that would be lovely.

Um, yeah, do you mind if I go and freshen up?

Sure.

Gum.

Gum.

Oh.

Thank you.

So... What do you like?

Oh, well, um, type of magic, obviously.

Any type of smoked fish.

Game for now.

Saved yourselves a lot of bother.

Last time a worm said no to me was Afghanistan.

You thought we were in Afghanistan?

How do you think I got this?

How recently were you there?

Some wounds never heal.

That should have.

Not when it was inflicted by the sickest torture in Guantanamo.

Well... So you were fighting with the Taliban?

Beginning to work it out.

I'm the sickest motherfucker you ever met.

decree you have summoned the Pizza Night.

Monday Night Football is sponsored by the Pizza Night. From frozen to

in only three minutes.

In the name of the Queen, we feast.

That guy, he looks just like you.

That guy looks like a gnome.

You saying I look like a gnome?

I'm saying what I'm saying.

Then we have a problem.

You want to go, big man?

Oi!

What are you doing up here?

Oh, I'm a... I work for Metcalf.

You what?

Fine, I work for Metcalf. Whoa.

Out. Move, bitch. Now. Use me. You don't need to touch me or anything.

It's not unusual to see me cry.

I want to die.

It's not unusual to go out and die.

who came running.

Walked right into it.

That's what I love about coppers.

Think of shite.

Oh, you're on a roll, you outfly.

How could I have seen this coming?

The old Bill must have changed their rules because it's like him going around

fucking killing people. You vouch for them. They are your responsibility.

Why don't you come over tomorrow night and make a cup of tea for me and the

Albanians?

What are the deals back on?

They're bent to their demands.

And in the meantime, rat -a -twee.

Before my old man died,

I used to work on motors in the garage.

And then when the rats were coming, I chewed for the wires on his

Fucked everything to work on that summer.

I didn't get angry.

I asked him why, and he said, well, the rats are just doing what they've got to

do.

And later that night, I saw him drowning rats in a bucket.

And I said,

well, you didn't mind the rats.

And he said, I'll just do what I've got to do.

It's okay.

I pushed you into it.

We're all going to die because I needed to prove to myself that I hadn't thrown

my life away. How fucking stupid is that?

No.

You might have pulled this off if it wasn't for me going too far all the

I'm not De Niro.

I'm not Brando. My name's not even Martin. It's Tristan.

My dad's a dentist.

And I played regional cricket.

I'm a pizza knight.

That's all I'll ever be.

I've just been generally shit.

Literally, I've no idea what I'm doing.

I'm in a pathetic attempt to make friends. I should have just been myself.

I should have worked in wine.

Rot. Get out.

It's quite an idiot, too.

I don't blame you for trying to bring that cough down.

The man's an animal.

I might be a crook, but I'm not a villain.

And I'm not going to put another three bodies in the ground for no good reason.

You know, I know there was something up with you, Ron.

For one thing, I liked you.

Now you get gone.

Long gone.

You show your faces around here again, we're all fucking dead.

Are you?

Go.

Now!

So, I found an 1130 from Gatwick to Costa Rica.

Do we really have to leave?

You want to spend the rest of your life looking over your shoulder? Costa Rica,

we can't...

Just call me back at Devon.

This is our opportunity, Hugh, for a fresh start.

To do whatever we want, to go wherever we want.

What do you mean?

What? Say goodbye?

Hey, Hugh, what matters most is that we're alive, right?

We're safe now.

Stop these bastards!

Remember this moment?

This is what it feels like to take down the big guys.

Improv comic, destroy Tekla. Do you believe us now?

We're not criminal.

Okay, found it. Here we go.

If you're on YouTube, it's less of a claim to fame, but I actually have to...

Yeah, sorry, yes, I will do. If you're on YouTube, I actually have to question

at the 2015 Leicester Cyber Security Conference.

Oh, fuck's sake.

Billings realised we were his ticket to a payday. That's why there's no evidence

in your system.

The thing about there being no evidence being your evidence is that there's no

evidence.

Whereas I do have you on car theft, drug trafficking.

Man slaughtered, dismemberment. Even got a guy who said you upset his dog.

I was under duress.

Duress or no, you did it. I could charge you all right now. Go on then, big man.

What?

He told our bosses that we were about to bring in three major players.

Not a bunch of clowns. Clowning is an art.

Okay.

Here's what we're going to do.

I'm going to give you one chance.

Yeah. You don't know what the plan is. Carry on.

Blend back in with Fly's crew and go to the exchange tonight wearing a wire. Get

Metcalfe on tape confirming his deal with the Albanians and maybe we can talk

about immunity.

We can't.

Our cover's blown.

Metcalfe told Fly to whack us.

Then it looks like this is the end of the road for you.

No.

We can still get the deal on tape.

How?

Fly's looking for a way out. He's tired of killing, tired of the game.

Right now, he thinks we're undercover cops.

Who are we to tell him any different?

First rule of improv, always say yes.

We just need to talk.

Okay, so here's the deal.

You record Metcalf confirming the terms, and we'll take him down, the Albanian,

all of them.

It's hard to catch you on the wire.

Very large check goes down at a handover.

Make it happen and we let you disappear.

Go be with your daughter.

It's time to rap for the rats, eh?

The stakeout at Taylor's oldest time.

Nice costumes.

Fly set.

Okay, that's our Albanian friend and Metcalfe's crew.

Fly is right there with them.

What if they frisk him?

All units, be advised, our players have arrived. Await my call. Repeat, await my

call. I'm so glad we could carry on with...

All units stand by.

Shit.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Send your guys in. Not until they exchange. They're going to kill him.

well, unless they exchange, I have got fuck all and I'm not about to blow this

operation. We can't let him die. Don't follow me. No, until we have it on tape.

Don't we need him alive?

No, the tape's enough. But not even as long as like a witness? Well, we've got

these three.

What are we doing?

Who's providing?

What the fuck are they doing? Oh, my God.

That's a rogue empire.

Could have let me go out.

Nobody move.

Nobody fucking move!

Police! Freeze!

Show me your weapon.

Please. How have they got these guns?

They're fake guns.

You let him go.

Why wouldn't he?

We pay better.

Do it!

I beg you! Cheeky fucker's got two guns.

I will end you.

Right here, right now. Stand down, Sergeant Petrides.

Inspector, why put me through sharps to your training if you never let me... And

I don't want a repeat of the Dutch Embassy.

This is bullshit, McCleary.

And you, Weeman, you're very quiet and you look like you're going to puke.

Yeah.

Because I'm imagining the flop they're going to feed you in the clink, you

of shit.

In fact, wee man, I'm your only way out of here.

Oh, I don't care what you small fry are up to tonight.

You throw the sweetener from both ends and I'll turn a blind eye. But that guy,

he's a star witness for much bigger players. So he's coming with us.

Why don't I just have him shoot you?

Because I wouldn't be able to. Damn down the snipers ogling all of your fucking

ugly foreheads!

He just said snipers. I'm aware he just said snipers. Have we got snipers out

there? No, we've not got snipers out there.

Jesus

Christ,

this might actually work. They haven't confirmed it. He hasn't actually said it

yet. Hey, out of curiosity, what have we got here?

50 kilos, 5 million quid?

You're a fucking amateur.

This is half a ton for 10 million.

We got him. All units, go. All units, go. Go, go, go, go, go.

Why am I thinking more and more that they're just making this up as they go

along? Eh?

If things go sideways.

I can't believe that worked. You think I'm too rude?

What? That wasn't part of the plan.

Ah, Fly.

Pull the wrong piece, it all comes tumbling down.

I always knew you.

Fly, I'm sorry.

Fuck, I had no choice.

It's all right.

I'd have turned on you, too.

Well, I did, didn't I?

We got him immunity, but I think you're on your own.

You should go, George. You should go.

Wait.

We did actually kiss.

Why?

So what kind of police carry fake guns?

Fake police.

I know there's something double -fucked about you lot.

So come on, then.

Who are you?

Really?

We're improv comedians.

Well, that's fucking weird.

It's mad, actually.

I'm more of an actor.

Fucking actor, right?

Yeah.

I'll make this.

You good?

Yeah.

Congratulations. Life touches down in Portugal this afternoon, and the heads

London's two major criminal organisations have been well and truly

like a hydra, a head will regrow. I said no to the hydra stuff. I thought you

were setting it up. Just leave it. Fine.

Did anyone get away?

Josh slipped the net.

Oh, good.

Good.

You got everyone out.

Good, isn't it?

So, cheers, basically. This shit got us promoted.

You're now speaking with Superintendent Dawes.

And Detective Inspector Beverly.

I mean, we didn't really know your ranks before, so... These are higher.

So how do you keep us safe? Do we get new identities?

Well, the challenge is to make sure that no -one knows who you are.

So, in this case, just... Yeah, go back to what you were doing before.

This is Marlon, meeting for our back -again leader, Duke.

Hi, sir, dear, but do you mind losing this girl?

If only I could.

I just turned to my boss and said, uh, fuck off.

Well, now my own boss.

He said, those rats, just doing what they gotta do.

Later that night, I saw him drowning, rats, in a bucket.

I said, I thought you didn't mind the rats.

He said, I'm just doing what I gotta do.

Francis. Tell him we found our Duke.

Is it true? The undercover mission?

Everybody's talking about it. You're kind of a legend.

Okay.

I'm Kat.

I'm your teacher.

Let's just jump right in. Okay, you two, get up here.

When I clap my hands, the scene begins. Don't overthink it. Just stay in the

moment. And remember, always, always trust your partner.

Yes? Yes!

And...

Bye. Bye. Bye.

Watch her cry.