Original subtitles

Everybody's in that face, and everybody's in that

smile, there's a part in which you can't

outsmile.

Everybody's singing your part, that's why you're a

superstar.

Everybody's singing your part, that's why you're a

superstar.

They say wait in line, always on the

road, for the hunters you've got time to

shoot them your load.

Everybody's singing your part, that's why you're a

superstar.

They say wait in line, always on the

road, for the hunters you've got time to

shoot them

your load.

You ain't a clown.

Everybody's singing your part, that's why you're a

superstar.

They all see how big you are, that's

why you're a superstar.

Everybody's singing your part, that's why you're a

superstar.

They all see how big you are, that's

why you're a superstar.

Turn your head around here.

There we are.

Don't be a fist.

Okay, now it's not too far a drive,

but I'm going to go around a lot

of corners so you don't know where you're

at.

I'm all very mysterious, me.

Sure, that's the way it is, until you

get raped.

Thought I seen that place in which you

ain't a clown.

Everybody's singing good-bye, that's why you're a

super star.

I didn't hurt a bit coming up those

stairs, did I?

See, now you're not going to fall.

You are now on my split-level torture

chamber.

Right this way, come on.

There you go, don't fall down.

I got you.

That's it.

Sit down right here.

Careful.

There you go.

Sorry about all this, but I do have

to protect my privacy.

Like something to drink?

Oh, no thanks, maybe later.

Okay.

Let's get down to business.

You are beautiful, aren't you?

Really beautiful.

I don't know if I can keep my

mind on this interview.

Oh, I'm sure I can help you keep

your mind on the right track.

I'm sure you will.

Now, first we have to know the information

all our readers like to hear about.

How old are you?

Today?

Nineteen.

Mr. Holmes.

Call me John.

Mr. Holmes, you've graced the screens of hundreds

of pornographic theaters throughout the country.

Just how many films have you made?

I'm starved.

You haven't eaten yet?

Well, I wasn't thinking about food exactly.

About your films, Mr. Holmes.

Three thousand, more or less.

In each of these, you've been naked and

seducing various women, correct?

That's what they want.

What do you want?

Well, for starters...

Let's delve into your personal history.

Personal.

Have you ever had an unusual sexual episode?

Have you ever been caught in the act

of making love to someone by their husband

or boyfriend?

Yeah, I've been caught a few times.

Let's see what comes to mind.

Oh, yeah.

I went over to a friend of mine's

house one time.

He's a producer.

And we were supposed to talk business.

But he hadn't gotten home yet.

So who answers the door?

His beautiful 19 or 20 year old wife.

She's warm and soft and beautiful.

And very willing.

Oh, John.

You're here early.

Bert's not back yet.

Well, I don't know how to tell you

this.

Maybe I just came early because I knew

Bert wouldn't be here.

Oh, I'm flattered.

But Bert...

Julia, Julia.

Listen.

What can I say?

How long have we known each other?

Oh, I'd say about a year.

Oh, a year.

Well, I figure after a year, maybe you

deserve a break.

A break?

What do you mean?

Well, why don't we sit down and I'll

explain it to you, okay?

John, there's something I must tell you first.

No, no, no.

Let me talk first.

How would you like a break on my

rates?

I'm sure Bert would like that very much.

What does he want us to do?

Not us.

You.

What do you want me to do?

Well, I'll give you a break and you

give me a raise.

Huh?

Well, you've been telling me how much you

like my movies and how much you like

to watch me fuck.

Huh?

So why don't we just...

John, please listen.

Huh?

Hey, there's nothing to worry about.

Okay.

Feels nice.

Shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh, shh.

Come here.

Come here.

I

I tried to tell you that Bert was

coming right home.

That's the last time I had an experience

like that.

You know, that producer and his wife fought

for days, I mean days.

Finally calls me up, wet as a hornet.

I think he would have killed me over

the phone if he could have.

Then I mentioned a rate break and he

calmed right down.

I think it's what he called for.

What a goon, what an absolute goon.

Okay, here's the topper, I'm thinking about it,

see.

I think, I think he would have sold

me his wife.

Bed and all, just to save a buck,

just a buck.

What a jerk.

I'm sure that must have curled some toes.

More than ten, more than ten.

Tell me about your hobbies, what do you

like to do in your spare time?

Basically, fuck.

That's all?

Well, occasionally I eat pussy.

Mr. Holmes, I mean, isn't there anything that

you're interested in that's not sexually oriented?

No, I'll prove it to you.

Come on, let's go eat lunch and we'll

talk about it.

Come on, I'll tell you.

Come on, you'll love it.

Well, how do you like my little patio?

It's beautiful.

I used to go with a, with a

Chinese girl and she insisted on decorating my

garden for me, so I think it came

out rather well.

Really nice, I love the color.

I especially like this little walk.

It's very lovely.

You make it yourself?

Something interesting about yourself, you like to cook?

No, I don't like to cook.

I like to eat.

Champagne?

Please.

Our readers like to get a well-rounded

view of the personalities we meet.

Would you mind if I asked you, uh,

ever accepted money from strangers for sex?

No, go ahead and ask.

Well, have you?

Of course you'd tell me, what the hell

do you think I do for a living?

What you want to know is what it's

like, right?

Well, let's see, I once received in the

mail a check for a thousand dollars and

a round-trip plane ticket to Miami.

And I was promised a chauffeur at the

airport.

And I was taken to a house, and

I went, and that's all I knew.

And I guess you were probably led to

the door by some fat housewife whose gay

husband just wanted to watch, right?

Wrong.

She was beautiful, tantalizing, gorgeous.

What if she didn't like you?

I sat in an overstuffed chair, and, uh,

she undressed in front of me and proceeded

to masturbate.

Oh, oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh, come over here and fuck me.

Wait a minute, sweetheart.

This wasn't part of the arrangement.

He wasn't supposed to touch you.

Roger, shut that sock up.

Roger, leave us alone.

Fucking bitch.

You sent for me to come all the

way down here, to do this, and to

watch you humiliate this man?

You're not only perverted, you are sick.

You're sick.

I'm not sure if that material is right

for our magazine.

Why don't you tell me about the character

Johnny Watt?

Johnny Watt?

Well, I play a very horny detective who

only takes on cases involving very beautiful women,

which I manage to seduce during the course

of the case, and at the end of

the case, I seduce some more.

There is wide dispute over the size of

your...

how should I say it?

Cock?

Well, yes.

Just exactly how large are you, Mr. Watt?

I'll show you.

Here, take a look.

I believe a verbal approximation will suffice for

now.

Whatever you want.

I see.

I've been quoted in magazines as 10, 12,

14 and a half.

Is it big enough for you?

It's the readers who are interested, Mr. Holmes,

not I.

I don't know why you've been sitting there

sucking on a piece of chicken for five

minutes.

Let's just stick to facts, okay?

Where were you born?

Hollywood.

I was 6 pounds 11 ounces, and the

nurses thought I had three legs and two

feet when I was born.

I see.

What about your future?

How about your past?

I beg your pardon?

Well, I mean, we're sitting here, and you're

finding out everything about me, and I know

very little about you, except that you're beautiful,

vivacious, ambitious, talented, you like to suck on

chicken bones, and you work for a magazine

called Enzigue, which, by the way, I'd like

to be.

Where?

Inside you.

You incorrigible.

You know that?

Well, I'm just fine.

Now, how about telling me something about you?

What would you like to know?

Oh, uh, what's your most embarrassing sexual moment?

I couldn't tell you that.

Well, then, that's it.

Individually.

Well, originally I wanted to be an actress,

and a girlfriend of mine suggested I work

in X-rated films for a while.

I mean, the money's good, as you know,

and you wouldn't have to learn a lot

of lines.

I could always wear a stocking and ask

for something, so...

I called up a director I knew and

went up to his place for an interview.

At the time, I was wearing the height

of punk fashion, and I was at a

know what was going to happen.

I love you.

Thank you.

Just a second, please.

Bye-bye.

Hi.

You must be Dick.

Hi.

Uh, that was quick.

Are you the lady that, uh, Jack sent

over?

Yes, Lorraine is my wife.

Lorraine, hi.

Um, well, as long as you're here, can

I get you anything?

Do you have any wine?

Um, yeah, I think so.

Wait here.

I'll see what I can get her.

I kept thinking to myself, if I'm going

to get that part, I'd better show him

how good a fuck I was.

What the hell?

When he walks in, I'll just grab him

and screw him like a little bunny in

heat.

Well, he was kind of cute, so why

not?

You're a porno entrance, huh?

I'll say.

["Hotline

Bling"]

["Oh Yeah"] I've

never had a film interview like this before

in my life.

This is crazy.

Do I get the part?

What part?

The porno you're making.

Oh.

You must have misunderstood your agent or something.

I make educational films for grammar schools, dear.

You're kidding.

No.

Listen, if I ever make a porno film,

I use you.

I'm sorry.

Oh.

So you can see that my career in

pornography was somewhat abbreviated.

Non-existent is the word, I believe.

That's pretty good.

You never saw him again?

No.

One of my girlfriends did, though.

Since my phone popped, he decided to start

advertising, and a lot of girls went up

to his place under the pretense of making

x-ray films.

What happened?

Well, one night, one of the female members

of the school board dropped by, and Mary

waved to her.

He lost all of his contracts, and now

I believe he works at a restaurant somewhere

behind the boulevard.

What else would you like to know about

me, Lorraine?

Well, to tell you the truth, I'd really

like to know what all this rage is

about you on the screen.

Personally, I've never seen any of your films.

I've only heard about them.

What is it that has so much appeal?

I don't know.

Here, take a look at this.

That's all my releases.

Oh.

That can't be real.

No.

When I was a little kid, I had

silicone put in it.

It freaked me out.

Of course it did.

Want to take a look?

Perhaps, but not right now.

I'd like to ask you a few more

questions.

Go right ahead.

I've got to warn you, not right now.

You know why?

Because I've got an interview.

I swear.

I didn't have to go on a loop,

but I'll tell you what.

I've got television, I've got a sound system,

stereo, tennis, pool, jacuzzi.

Do anything you want to do.

Take your time.

Relax.

Make yourself at home, okay?

What about the interview?

We'll do the interview when I get back,

okay?

Promise?

Yeah, I swear.

You can take a nice hot shower.

You'll find a bedroom.

Just look around.

Check out my memorabilia, okay?

And take a nap.

Before you know it, I'll be back.

I swear.

Really quick, okay?

All right.

You can leave the house.

No.

No.

Easy.

Don't leave.

Okay?

Promise?

Okay.

I'll be right back.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh, yeah.

Come to Misha Hazel's.

Come to

Misha Hazel's.

Oh.

Oh.

John.

Oh.

John, I'd love to make a letter to

you.

That's all right.

I'll just give you one.

And I'll give you another day.

I really do think we should finish the

interview first.

Oh, yes.

Look, poor driving nut.

Oh.

Okay.

I'll tell you what.

What do I say?

Wait, wait, wait.

One more time.

You driving nuts.

Good drive, Sam.

Oh, yes, I understand that you have a

fan club.

Do you really have fans that argue?

50,000 fans.

Is that what you mean by argue?

I guess so.

That's quite a number.

Well, tell me, do you involve yourself in

any business venture other than making movies?

I make a lot of money selling my

autographed pictures, like the one you saw earlier.

And that does quite well by itself.

Well, with a cock like that, it's no

wonder.

I'm sorry, I, I, I mean to...

Hey, hey, hey, Lorian, relax.

I mean, it's the truth.

They like my cock, and they like me.

I'm big everywhere.

Well, if you'll pardon the inference.

Can I say something, please?

Help yourself.

John, I'm, I'm terribly sorry I was such

a prude earlier.

I really like you.

Hey, I really like you.

Now, let's see, what else could I ask

of you?

Did you ever get a girl that asked

you for money?

You know, I've had a lot of people

always wanting me to work for them.

I mean, everybody.

At one point, I hadn't had a day

off in six months, and that's no lie.

I just said, screw it.

I told my service I'd be gone for

a while, and I split to a city

where no one could find me.

I mean, no one.

I registered under a different name, in kind

of a, you know, a seedy, average hotel.

And I just kicked back.

After about a day and a half, I

got really horny.

I didn't know anyone, so I called one

of those out-call agencies.

Yeah, who is it?

Are you the man I called?

Yeah, are you the girl I talked to?

Mm-hmm.

Close the door and come in and sit

down.

Well, uh, what's this going to cost me?

$30.

$30, huh?

Wow, okay.

You going to shoot for a bonus?

Like what?

Oh, I don't know.

Think of something.

Oh, there it is.

The last 30 until payday.

Well, we'll have to see what the bonus

is.

Okay.

Why don't you take your shirt off and

I'll give you a massage?

No, why don't we pass on the massage

and let's just get nasty?

That is going to cost you another $20

right now.

$20?

For just getting nasty?

I got to get nasty just to do

it.

I came for a massage.

Massage?

Well, this is going to cost me for

another, you know, just a...

$20.

$20.

Well, can I get you to take your

clothes off?

Oh, thank God.

Hi.

Listen, why don't you just relax?

How can I help you relax?

This is a tip.

Oh, thank you.

What does this let you do?

Oh, my God.

Oh, my

God.

Ooh.

All right.

It really gets hard.

Ah.

Ah.

Ah.

Oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh,

oh, oh, oh,

oh.

Everybody's seen that face, and everybody's seen that

smile.

Everybody's seen that place, in which you ain't

a mile.

Everybody's seen your eyes, that's why you're a

superstar.

They all see how big you are, that's

why you're a superstar.

Everybody's seen your good heart, that's why you're

a superstar.

They all see how big you are, that's

why you're a superstar.

Everybody's seen your heart, that's why you're a

superstar.

I was very popular, but that's kind of

a nothing story.

Let me tell you a really good one.

When I was in high school, I love

high school stories.

No, I was a senior.

The whole home economics class for my birthday

made foot-long cock meatloaves, shaped like cocks,

a foot long.

And they were all fixed, all, they were

garnished, and they were beautiful.

With your initials on, right?

On the top, right.

How did you know?

Listen, the teacher walks into the room, and

the whole class is standing there, shoving foot

-long cock meatloaves.

I love that.

I didn't even get to see it.

I just got told.

Everybody in the class told me about it.

John C.

Holmes.

Yes.

I don't believe a word you tell me.

Listen, listen.

If I say it, it's true.

I swear it's true.

Can't you ever be serious?

Can't you ever be honest?

What do you mean?

Well, you're sitting here looking very sexy, open

at the top, and I know you're thinking

about how nice it would be if I

was between your legs.

Get in your head.

Um.

Look, I love it.

My feelings don't count.

Are you?

You had to think of something to say.

What a party.

It's true.

My feelings do not count.

You are being interviewed.

Please try to remember that.

I swear it.

I keep forgetting.

Okay.

Now.

How do you feel about politics?

John, if you think you're too hot to

finish this interview, perhaps you'd best cool off.

John Holmes, what do you think you're doing?

Put me down.

Well, this has nothing to do with your

body hygiene, but I think it's time for

us to take a dip.

Would you

like to make love in the water?

Right here and now?

I'd love to.

I imagine that must be old hat to

use something as mundane as making love in

the water.

How do you like it?

What's your favorite way?

Young girl?

Older woman perhaps?

Boys?

School girls.

Oh.

Yeah.

That's nice.

A couple of foxy young women.

That's pretty mellow.

Two young, good-looking women at school.

Tell me about it.

Right here, now?

Sure.

I don't need a pencil or paper.

I have a very good memory.

From what I can tell, that's not the

only thing you have that's very good, too.

Meaning what?

Meaning I think you're very pretty.

Is this a leading conversation?

Only if you're following me.

Well, I'm game, but we really do have

to finish this interview before we eat or

play or whatever it is you have in

your head.

Boo, boo, boo.

Head is what I have in my head.

Giving or getting?

When it comes to you, both.

Back to the story of the two women.

Okay, when it comes to being a reporter,

I want you to know that you're a

real bitch.

That's cool.

I like you and your newspaper.

But this is the last story, fuck it.

No more stories, all right?

That's it.

You promise?

Promise.

Say, I promise no more stories.

Cross my heart.

Okay, I'm staying in Boston.

A friend of mine had just gone out

of town and was staying there for a

few days.

Before he left, he told me these two

really hot numbers that lived down the hallway.

I mean, they were real men killers.

They ate up men like spiders eat up

flies.

And I was sitting there bored one night.

The phone rang.

And guess who called?

Who?

It was the two spiders.

Look at this.

Okay, I went over and...

Well, first let me break it down a

little bit.

It was summertime.

And it was hot and muggy.

Nothing to do.

You know, one of those city days when

you just want to go out in the

country.

Put your feet in the water.

Forget everything.

Yeah, okay.

Well, it came around evening time.

And a breeze started blowing.

And it got really cool and soft.

And it was like the evening had decided

to make up for the boredom of the

day.

Listen to this one.

Hung male wishes to meet females for varied

sex.

You ready for that?

This is great.

Oh, I've got one here that's even better.

Listen to this.

Meet sexy seniors by male.

Straight, bi, gay, all welcome.

No dues or fees.

All over 50.

All or under 100.

I hope so.

My goodness.

This one here, Michigan.

Young male into S&M or B&D.

B&D, big and dumb.

I don't believe it.

These are great.

What others do you have there?

Oh, God, listen to this one.

Small penis, erection problems.

StudPower is the pure natural laboratory blend designed

to actually enlarge the penis.

And maintain multiple long-term erections.

StudPower allows a more intense, deeply satisfying male

climax while developing soul power, physical strength, and

mental alertness.

StudPower was developed by a top Swiss scientist

involved in natural sex hormone research.

Thousands of European men have experienced drug results.

That's good for the men, but what's it

going to do for us?

Oh, God, I don't know.

Here we go.

What have you got?

Young bisexual female.

Wants to swing with same.

Has tongue like lizard.

Like lizard?

I still can't get used to these.

Here we go over here.

Maybe you could learn to get used to

it.

You want to try?

You really surprise me sometimes with the things

you come up with.

There's a lot of things you don't know

about me.

I should by now.

Oh, Cory.

Oh, yes, girl.

Let's take your bottoms off.

Let me try that a while, Cory.

Come on.

You know what they mean by lizard tongue?

Oh, I do.

I thought you said you've never done this

before.

I lie a lot.

Just keep doing that.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

That was nice.

Hey, why don't we call that cute friend

of Ralphie's next door?

See if we can get him to come

over.

I know he'd love to have you give

him head.

That's a good idea.

Very good idea.

Let's see.

Do you remember his number?

272-2246.

Okay.

Ah-ha.

Hello.

I hope you're Ralph's friends.

Because if you're not, I'm in trouble.

I'm Cory.

This is Audrey.

Ah-ha.

The one that gives fantastic head.

That's me, darling.

Was that a threat or were you lying?

Oh, no, not at all.

Come here.

Let's see.

Try that.

Ooh.

Why don't you help her out down there?

Yeah.

Ooh.

Ooh.

Oh.

Oh.

Oh.

That was nice.

Now let's make it three out of three.

But I get to do it my way.

Because I'm doing it.

It's the best thing I do in the

whole wide world.

You know why?

Because I don't fuck.

I don't screw.

I make love to every woman I meet.

No matter whether it's quick or slow or

all night long.

It's what I do best.

I'm just over sexed.

It's just a big game that goes round

and round.

You're quite the philosopher, aren't you?

I am.

How about us?

What about us?

What did you say?

You said business before pleasure?

What have we been doing all day?

Business is out of the way.

I think it's time to take care of

pleasure.

I think you're right.

John, no more questions, John.

No, no, I refuse.

No more godly of questions.

Please, please, please.

One, that's it.

Go ahead and ask.

I'm ready.

Testimony.

Well, she didn't love to be a minute

of a 21.

Well, I was only wrong by 2,100

years.

Come to Mission Hillsong at the rising of

the moon.

We're gonna make love underneath the moon.

Come to Mission Hillsong, you're the fairest of

them all.

We're gonna make love underneath the moon.

Well, she wore treats of lace which she

stole from a sunken ship.

And everybody knows that a mermaid has no

shame.

And she spoke of the dolphin brothers and

the blue underwater wind.

Of the leopards that they held at the

bottom of chains.

Come to Mission Hillsong at the rising of

the moon.

We're gonna make love underneath the moon.

Come to Mission Hillsong, you're the fairest of

them all.

We're gonna make love underneath the waterfall.

Come to Mission Hillsong at the rising of

the moon.

We're gonna make love underneath the blue lagoon.

Come to Mission Hillsong, you're the fairest of

them all.

We're gonna make love underneath the waterfall.

We're gonna make love...

You had a very busy day.

You know that?

You get everything you need?

Everything I need.

I think I got everything I needed.

More.

Everybody sing that face.

And everybody sing that smile.

Everybody sing that place in which you came

out of mind.

Everybody sing you go on.

That's why you're a superstar.

Everybody sing you go on.

That's why you're a superstar.

There's a waiting line.

Always on the road.

For the hunters you've got time.

To shoot them your load.

Everybody sing you go on.

That's why you're a superstar.

They see how busy you are.

That's why you're a superstar.

That's why you're a superstar.