Original subtitles

- ♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ I'm so happy ♪

♪ We're going to the auction in San Burribo ♪

♪ San Burrito, San Burrito ♪

Y'all remember when Barry went to San Burrito?

- Anybody in the crowd want a breakfast burrito?

[people exclaiming] Come on!

Over here!

All right!

- So I pulled a little something out of his bag.

Burribos! [laughs]

So that's what we going to do.

We going to generate a distraction because we

gon' get a good unit out here.

[laughs]

I've got a game plan.

[echoing slam]

[country rock music]

announcer: When storage units are abandoned...

- Take a good look at this one.

- Whoo-hoo! - Nice one!

announcer: The treasures within...

- [laughs] - Woo!

announcer: Are put up for auction.

- Think I scored on this. - Sold it your way!

- Whoo! - I'm in the green!

- Look at this. - Money, baby!

- ♪ Money owns this town ♪

- M-O-N-E-Y!

- Are you ready? [people cheering]

- Auction time. San Bernardino, baby.

We've had some really great auctions out here, Danny.

Did I tell you look great?

Did I tell you look great, too?

- Thank you.

- I never saw a cougar with cheetah spots.

- Ooh.

Technically, I can't be a cougar, honey.

- Why is that?

- I'm younger than you.

- Yeah, but what if you were a little bit younger than me?

Wouldn't that make you a cougar?

- I mean, I could be a cute cougar to other people.

- Can you?

- But to you, it's like

I'm a little snow kitten or something like that.

- Snow kitten?

More like Saber-toothed.

- [snarls]

- I'm planning to go fishing in a few days,

and I don't want to dig into my bank account.

I want to have the money made,

so I'm going to be picky about what I buy today.

I ain't buying anything or everything like normal.

I'm going picky.

Last time I was here, I found a bunch of old, awesome toys.

They went quick.

I mean, I sold 'em all in a week.

If I could do that again, I have enough money for gas,

enough money for presents, enough money for everything,

even a couple extra dinners.

Find another great room so I don't have

to dig into my bank account.

That's my goal for today.

- You know me.

I'm like the Babe Ruth of storage buying.

- Yeah, you keep on telling me this.

- Well, look, everybody else buys what they see.

You cannot judge a book by its cover.

It's not what we see, but it's what's hidden in the storage

where the money is at.

When a unit opens up,

it's like a girl hitting at me at the bar.

I'm going to judge it right away.

- Because that happens how often?

- Well, when I was single, that would happen five times a day.

- Oh, my God, what book is this?

It's called nonfiction.

Wait, I think that means truth.

- It is not-- - It's fiction.

It's fiction. Fiction.

- It is fiction. It's not fiction.

- [laughs]

♪ ♪

- I see a man in red. - Hey, that's some [bleep].

- What's happening, you? - I got them gators on.

- You got your [bleep] kickers going.

[laughter]

Gators? - Yeah, I got the gators.

- OK. - The Barry specials.

- Those are beautiful.

- Those boots are made for walking.

- These boots are made for bidding.

You can't walk in these mofos. Your toes be [bleep] hurting.

- You know how to stretch a boot out, right?

- No. - Take rubbing alcohol.

Pour it in both of them and then slide them on your feet,

and that leather will stretch out and fit your foot.

- I bet Dan got a method for pants stretching, too.

[quirky suspenseful music]

- Is that-- is that Rene?

- Yeah.

- Look at that. Rene can't even park.

Hey!

- Why you park like that?

- Hey, the lines are there for a reason.

- He flexing.

- Think that's a good parking job.

- Woke up on the wrong side of the line.

- What bet did you lose?

- Killed 30 turtles to make them boots.

- This alligator, man. - Oh, is it?

- Yeah.

- Your pants are supposed to be tight if you're going

to put them into some boots.

- You probably supposed to be wearing jeans, to be honest.

- Can you tell I never did it before?

- I don't know if your feet that big, Kenny.

- Don't speak on fashion.

- This is top professional buyer outfit right here.

That is a money-making outfit.

- Yeah, I'm coming to give out some burrito.

- Oh, thank you.

- Here. Here, put this in your mouth here, bro.

- I'm hungry too. - Here you go, cowboy.

- Really? - Yeah.

Is it full of, like, crap or something?

- No, I don't do that

because I'm going to eat one myself, cowboy.

- Steak, chicken, or pork?

- It's all of the above.

- All right, but I need you to take a bite of this one.

- For real? - Let's see.

Take a--

OK, now give me a different one.

I just want to make sure you didn't try to poison me.

- Do a lot of people try to poison you?

- Yeah. - Yeah?

- I'm the king of the storage business.

People will try to come for you.

- King of the storage business.

Go sit in the car.

Ice-cold breakfast burrito

with a side of lumpy German sausage?

Breakfast of champions.

- Welcome to the auction.

We're Dan and Laura Dotson with American Auctioneers.

And before you go through these gates,

you need to know the rules.

You're going to go to the unit, remove the lock,

open the door, and give you five minutes

to take a look around.

You can't go inside the unit.

You can't open any boxes.

And whosever got the most money in their pocket

can own it today. Are you ready?

- Yeah! - Right on, then!

Let's go, let's go, let's go! - All right, folks.

Let's go!

♪ ♪

- Let's go this way! This way! Here we go.

- Oh, man, that's a lot of walking.

- You're tired already? The auction's just started.

- Whatever Kenny put in that burrito is weighing me down.

- Whoo-hoo.

San Burrito has just claimed his first victim.

- We need to get you out more often.

- Yeah, it's the burrito that's weighing you down.

Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm saying.

[machine buzzing]

♪ ♪

- [laughs] All right, baby! It is stacked and packed.

5x10.

- I love a mid-century modern.

- Yeah, this storage unit has Ivy written all over it.

Dirty and heavy.

[record needle scratches] - That's [bleep] up.

- Your wife talking crap about me.

- I know. She's like-- - [laughs]

- You know, I can hear it. I thought we was cool.

Now I know where we stand. Now I know.

[upbeat music]

- Aren't those coffee tables like mid-century?

- No. Those are like--

- They look like they're 1960s.

- No, they're about 1997. I'd have money.

Look at the tools down there. That looks like Craftsman.

- Honey, that looks like heavy, dirty work.

That's totally right up Ivy's alley.

- So what? I like to make money.

Yeah, but you don't have sons that can help load the trucks.

- I got a wife.

A lot of power tools and it looks like

the single guy that had a lot of tools. It's a good unit.

I like it, actually. We're coming anyway.

Let's buy.

- Ay, yi, yi.

- Hey. 3 o'clock behind the gym.

- Oh, no. I'm scared.

- You better be there.

Ooh, this actually is my kind of room.

Got some big shoes right there that might fit one of the kids.

Air compressor-- Just bought one.

Could use another one.

Ooh, old gumball machine.

It's got a little bit of everything.

I'll dip into it a little bit.

I'm trying to be picky.

This is not quite picky-picky, but this is just picky enough

to get me to Mississippi, but not back.

- Well, there's tools,

but they don't look like good tools.

There's a little weed eater.

Aside from those nightstands, I don't

really like anything in here.

If it goes for cheap, but it's not going to.

- It's going to go cheap.

- Yeah, it's probably not for me, Danny.

[dramatic music]

- All right, now.

I see they got building equipment in here.

They got stuff to drag stuff.

Hmm, that's a big-ass lunchbox right there.

I couldn't get all this in the Toyota neither,

you know what I mean?

- Ken, you need to rip off some

of the doors on that Toyota. - [laughs]

- Stuff and everywhere. Tie it on--

- He said, rip off the doors of the Toyota.

- Tie it onto the hood and everything,

as long as you can see.

- I'd probably lose them all on the 15 freeway.

Well, just put the cheap stuff on the outside.

- That's a smart maneuver.

I might keep that in a memory right there.

- Take two trips.

- Oh, this afternoon's going down.

[grunting]

Talking crap about me, woman?

[grunting]

- That's towards me?

[triumphant music]

- I see you shaking. - Bring it.

[laughs] I'm not shaking, trust me.

- I see you shaking.

- I'm not shaking.

♪ ♪

I think I'm going to stop coming to these things.

- All righty.

- I see a hand in the air right there.

You're putting your hand too high in the air.

- How Superman do it? - All right.

Nice little unit here. Here we go, number 20.

What are you going to pay to see?

How much? How much? How much money where?

I got 30-- 30. Looking for 40-- 40.

Taking 40.

50, 50, 60, 60, 60, 75.

- This hand ain't coming down until the auction's over,

so y'all might as well give up.

- 100 there. 125, waiting for one there.

125, 150.

- See, I told you this unit's right up his alley.

I don't know why he was fighting with me.

- 350, 350.

- Damn, that went quick.

- 350 there. 350. - Yeah.

- 400. 450.

450, we'll go 5, 500.

550, 550, 550.

- Yeah. - 550. We'll go 600.

600 there. 650.

- Yeah. - 700 sir, 700 to you.

700's all. 700 there. 750.

- Yeah.

- 700, looking for 800, sir. Looking for the 800, where?

800 there. 800, 900 here. 950, sir. Take another look.

A 900. 950 to you.

950 going once.

950 there, and 1,000 there, and a $1,000.

1,000. - Oh, no.

That's getting borderline.

It's probably still a good unit.

- See, I told you I was going to buy that unit.

- 1,000 bucks. 1,050 going twice.

Less than five, and I call it. 1,050 bucks.

[auctioneering]

- Sold it your way. - Whoo!

- 4 o'clock, sir. 4 o'clock, sir. You next.

[bell rings] [laughter]

- 4 o'clock. - What time you meeting Casey?

- All right, Ivy! - $1,000. Lock it up.

Let's go.

- No more burritos for him.

Coming in strong, baby.

Float like a butterfly, bid like a bee.

Well, this is what 1,000 gets me.

Let's find out if I'm happy or not.

[grunts]

♪ ♪

Well, this is not a bad box to start off with.

Here's one, two...

Pedigree. That's what I used to feed my dogs.

Three. I think this is stacked with Diecast cars.

Another one.

These don't sell as good as they used to do, but hey, 100.

Ooh, very light.

I don't like light boxes. They often don't mean good.

This one looks pretty good.

All brand-new.

This whole entire box--

250 bucks.

Look at that. That's $350 in two boxes.

You can't beat this with a stick.

Uh-oh.

I have a feeling it's more Diecast cars

'cause it's really light.

Yes, it is.

Well, got another $250 right here.

Boom!

Well, this is more of my angle, but let's see where we at.

OK. Wow, good condition.

Not bad. This whole entire box--

30 bucks.

Is this giant weed whacker stuff?

What is this?

♪ ♪

Maybe it works together with that.

This looks like some kind of weird looking little airship.

But I don't know how this all works.

I wonder if you got a controller somewhere

and you just drive this underwater.

It looks like a camera.

Go down there and find where the catfish are.

Guess what I'll be cooking tomorrow?

Definitely looks expensive.

Anything that works in water and is made rugged

is usually worth a bit of money.

Well, you know my motto.

If I don't know what it is, find somebody who does.

- Oh, sweet! Sweet!

This is half the reason I bought it.

You see this old-timey stuff like this?

You know you stand a great chance of a treasure.

Hopefully, I find the gumballs and the gum globe.

$25. All righty.

The magic boxes that I've been looking forward to.

But you see how they're all getting squished in?

That means it's got a little bit of weight in them.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

[glass crunches]

Aw, it's glass.

God dang it.

Dollar, $2 at a time.

60 bucks.

Don't be more glass.

Ooh, purses.

All righty.

Well, there's at least $100 in these two.

♪ ♪

Crappy glassware, lamp tops.

Right there, 20 bucks.

OK, what we got?

Ooh, it feels breakable.

Oh, there we go.

Well, I guess that means it is breakable.

That's not superglue.

That's like snot glue. It's all greeny colored.

I know where you go.

Go to your home!

Boom! Now all I need is some gumballs.

This thing was worth 25, now it's worth 50.

♪ ♪

Stay away from my unit, Rene.

Go that a-way!

Those are still so good, though.

Those are 25 bucks where I live.

♪ ♪

Come out.

♪ ♪

This almost looks like Tiger oak.

Old style, though.

Mid-century modern type table, plus two.

♪ ♪

One, two, three of these.

I would put these at-- all three, 100 bucks.

Now this, I've been wanting to get to,

just 'cause it's kind of neat.

♪ ♪

I'm not a clock guy. I just like some weird stuff.

This is a triple threat. It's a table.

It's a clock. It's a lamp.

And it's ugly. 40 bucks.

I always like these boxes.

They usually have something good in them,

but these obviously don't because they're so light.

No money.

♪ ♪

Empty already.

[glass breaks]

Oh, damn.

Well--tsk.

[sighs]

[humming Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"]

♪ ♪

[humming Mendelssohn's "Wedding March"]

[laughter]

[Humming "Taps"]

♪ ♪

Goodbye, old friend.

[upbeat music]

All right. I'm tired of walking already.

Ready to go home, sit in my chair, drink a beer.

You guys are getting weak in your old age.

- Chop that lock off!

[machine buzzing]

- All right, folks. 10x15!

Whoo! Packed, stacked, and all that.

10x15!

♪ ♪

- Some bags in the front here.

I don't know if this is authentic or not.

I have to pull it out, but there's a Louis Vuitton.

Could mean there's some other decent stuff in here.

There's a lot of items.

It looks like a lot of kid stuff, which I can't use,

but maybe there's some furniture

or something in the back.

Might bid on it.

♪ ♪

- Whoo.

Oh, that looks like Michael Kors.

Got 200 bucks right there.

Shoes still in the box, can't beat that.

A lot of stuff still in the original boxes.

That makes it much, much, much easier to sell.

Lot of money in this room. A lot of volume.

I was trying to be picky, but there's a lot

of volume for a picky guy.

Very, very good unit.

- We got a bunch of boxes.

They got a little safe right there.

That's a speaker stand.

Low-key fan, which I need right now because I'm leaking.

Yeah, this one here is a little too big for my little Toyota.

♪ ♪

- That bag says LV.

OK, well, this is a good reason to buy this unit.

Oh, my God. I just got really excited.

- That's because you're standing next to me.

- No, that's not why. - Pretty sure it is.

- It's called designer. I'm like, oh, my God.

- But that's not a real Louis Vuitton, is it?

I've never seen a pattern like that with Louis Vuitton.

It looks like a family.

There's a lot of kids stuff in there.

But the good thing about this unit,

that's just a lot of quantity.

So it has potential.

There's a lot of stuff in here. Let's see what it goes for.

- OK.

- All right.

[auctioneering]

What about 500? - Tell us.

- 250. - 300 where?

I got 250 looking for 300,

What about 300? 300?

Three, how about 350? - Yeah.

- 350, four and a half. Looking for 450.

- Yes. - 550? 550? 550? 600.

600, what about 700? - Yeah.

- 700. What about 800? 800 there.

What about 900? 900, 900, 900 where?

900, $1,000.

1,000, looking for $1,000. - Yeah!

- Got 1,100, 1,100. What about 1,200?

What about 1,200? Looking for 1,200.

1,200 there. What about 1,300? What about 1,400?

I got 1,400 here, looking for 1,500 and 1,500 where?

I got 1,500 there and someone bid 1,600.

1,600 and 1,650. - I went to eight.

I'm good. - 1,700.

What about 1,700? Would about 1,800?

1,800? 1,800? Would about 1,900? 1,900?

1,900? Want to bid 1,900? 1,900? Want to bid 1,900?

- I don't know. That's kind of high for that stuff.

- How about that? And 2,000 today?

Want to bid two today? Want to bid 2,000?

- Come on, folks. - What about 2,100?

2,100, OK, what about 2,200? 2,100, now two.

[auctioneering]

2,300, now four. 2,400. 2,400 now, want to bid?

2,400 Going once.

Well, it's good swapping merchandise.

- 2,300 and a half? Going twice.

Last and final call at 2,300.

- Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Want to bid 2,350?

And 2,400? And 2,400?

- The [bleep] wrong with these people, bro?

- I got 2,400, 2,450 going once.

I'm got 2,450 going twice.

Last and final call at 2,400.

2,450. - Oh, my God, bro, y'all crazy.

I got 2,450, looking for 2,500.

[auctioneering]

- Rene looking at that locker

like it's the last burrito in Mexico.

- 2,600? - Yeah.

- Looking for currently 2,700.

2,750 and a half. I got 2,700.

2,750? Looking for 2,750.

2,750. Going once.

2,700? 2,750 and a half going twice.

- Yeah. - Looking for 2,800.

- [laughs]

Lord, have mercy.

- 2,850, looking for 2,900. What about 2,900? 2,950?

2,950, looking for 3,000.

3,000, want to bid 3,100?

3,000, want to bid 3,100? I got 3,000.

Want to bid 3,100? Going once.

I got 3,000, what about 3,050?

- 3,000? - Going to call it.

3,050? Yes?

Sold it to a Rene and Casey! - Let's go!

- 3,000 bucks. 3,000!

- All right! - Come on, man!

- Don't mess with the king.

- I don't know. $3,000? That's pretty expensive.

I wouldn't have paid that much.

- OK, baby.

Almost everything I can see is boxes.

I paid 10 bucks a box.

What's the worst thing that can happen?

If we get completely unlucky, we lose 1,000 bucks.

If we get lucky, we make 10,000.

[suspenseful music]

- $3,000?

I knew I should have ordered the burritos

without the spicy sauce.

This boy done lost his damn mind.

[machine buzzing]

- We're going to open up this unit.

Take a good look, and we're going to sell it outside.

All right, everyone?

Get a good look.

Here we go! 5x5.

- Look at that.

- Oh, she's clean. Easy to load in.

- You're going to love the way

you look loading this unit.

- Down the road you go.

♪ ♪

I see a bunch of clothes, some cans

of food, some blankets.

There's nothing here for me.

- Got a little baby unit here.

Oh, Reeboks, suitcases, pots and pans.

Wow, this is definitely not the room for me.

I'm way, way, way more pickier than this.

- Those shoes, I think, might be expensive.

That's a designer brand.

Seven? They make jeans.

I've never seen them make shoes, but--

It's also a movie about somebody's killing

everyone in a horrific way.

That's not a good sign. - [chuckles]

That's food right there.

We don't buy units with food in them.

That's the rule. - Why not?

- Yeah, yeah.

- Because that's not a good sign when they store food.

- It might be military food.

They got some skillets in here.

You know, scrambled eggs and sausages.

- All that kind of good stuff.

- Well, there's a lot of mystery in here.

Daniel, watch for my bid.

- I will. [laughter]

- Barry. - Thank you.

[dramatic music]

- And here we go, number 20.

[auctioneering]

- 50 right here. 50. - I got 50 right there.

Want to bid 100 there? - Here, here, here, here.

- 175 behind you. Now to you.

50 to you, want to bid 225?

250 to you. How about 250 where?

- Right behind me. - How about 250?

Got 250. - Here you go, bro.

[auctioneering] Thank you.

- [laughs]

He's passing out burritos.

- 325 there. [auctioneering]

Its three, and I'm looking for 350 where?

Going once. Shaking his head no.

325, 325. 350 going twice.

Last and final call at $325 and I sold that your way, Barry.

I mean, Kenny.

- Yeah, you got it right the first time.

- You got it!

- Burritos and canned goods.

now that's a Thanksgiving miracle for your boy, America.

I see your whole grain-rich pancakes.

Kumbaya.

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- All right, come on. Let's go, let's go!

Whoo-hoo! All right.

Ooh, there's a lizard.

- Vintage unit with one vintage lizard.

- [chuckles]

[quirky suspenseful music]

- I like this suitcase.

Looks like there's a lot of cool furniture in here.

The old desk. Like the canes.

Yeah, I'll definitely take a stab at this one, for sure.

Well, a dollar for the dust, you're a rich man.

Everything else, you're going to have to work to sell.

Ooh, weed whacker.

I practice my weed whacking on that fake bush right there.

Uh, stay picky, Ivy. Stay picky.

Stay away from it. Stay away from it.

- Man, there's some dusty [bleep].

Neat stuff in here, bro. - Thank you.

- But them little fake plants and [bleep],

I'm thinking a lizard is in here.

Yeah, that's kind of spooky, bro.

They got another weed eater in here, bro.

Yeah, that's not the kind of weed I like.

That's what Barry would say.

Kenny might say that too. [bleep].

- Low-key undercover. - Right?

- Yeah, I'ma think I'ma pass on this dusty thing here.

But you could do a haunted house in this.

- [laughs] - Big time.

- Yes, you could. - [laughs] Trick or treat.

- It was deceiving.

But when you get closer up, it looks good.

- I mean, it's all furniture. Those chairs are kind of cool.

Those are storytelling time chairs.

But it's heavy, that's the only problem.

I don't know. I already got that big-ass unit.

- It says EJ on the trunk.

- That's actually not a trunk.

That's actually some sort of resuscitator.

Is this like an early medical device?

That's actually interesting. - Yeah.

- I don't know if it's worth anything.

- Well, it might save a life.

What's that worth? - Nothing.

- Too many people on this planet.

- You're so mean.

- I mean, I'm sorry. You know, I'm a German.

- A German that doesn't value human life?

I'm not touching that one.

All right, here we go, number 20.

What are you going to pay? - 10 bucks.

- 10, 10, 20? What about 20?

30. What about 30?

30? What about 30? - Right here.

- Yes! Tell us, now! [auctioneering]

- Baby, we already have a lot of units.

- No, this one's a good one.

- 150, 50. 175 right there, and a two?

- Yes. - Want to bid two? Two?

Looking for 225. Looking for 225 where?

225, and 225. - Casey, I don't want to move.

That's all furniture. The truck is going to be full.

- 300. - 300 now, 325, 325.

300, 325, 325? Going once. 325 going twice.

Last and final call at 300, looking for 325.

And I sold that your way. $300, Brandi. 300!

- All right!

- Lock it up, lock it up!

- Way to go!

Cannot believe I got this for 300 bucks.

I am so excited.

Look at all this good furniture.

It's exactly what I was looking for.

It's crazy.

♪ ♪

- Folks, that's the end of the auction.

And don't forget to pay the ladies.

See you in the office.

[upbeat music]

- Well, I hope the burritos paid off because I spent

325 bones on here.

♪ ♪

Let's see what we got here, America.

Put the leftover burribos right here.

Let's start off with this here bag.

Why it always feel like a bag in a bag?

Nothing but shoes.

[bleep], somebody probably want them.

Let's say this bag here, $5.

♪ ♪

Who we got?

Some more raggedy-ass shoes.

These shoes look like they walked 500 miles.

I bet they walk 500 more.

$5.

♪ ♪

What the hell is this, man?

Let me see if I can catch something.

♪ ♪

I seen them on a fishing show do this [bleep].

♪ ♪

Just caught some messed-up shoes.

But this bag pretty good.

Let's go $5 with this here.

Why do people be saving these old-ass scratchers, bro?

What, they think they're going to change

in the middle of the night or something?

♪ ♪

See what we got.

Space jacket.

They got the tag still on it.

Steve Madden, I heard of that name.

[bleep], this about $20, boy.

Let's see what we got here.

Canned goods. That's what caught my eye.

They got some roman noodles, some black-eyed peas.

They know a brother love some black-eyed peas around here.

- Oh, let me see.

Sell by-- oh, this [bleep] ain't bad till the 26th.

Guess what I'm going to be eating?

Go get some ham hocks, and I'll be eating

some black-eyed peas with some Beefaroni.

Uh-oh, black bags.

♪ ♪

Ah!

Dingy-ass, dirty-ass clothes.

Man, there ain't no-- ain't no money.

- Uh-oh, what is this? We got something.

We got a case.

It's kind of light,

but they probably took the uke-ma-lady out of here.

Oh, [bleep]. What is this?

This is the lightest instrument I ever seen.

[instrument strumming]

♪ It's probably worth some money ♪

♪ ♪

♪ And a musical instrument ♪

♪ I gotta find somebody ♪

♪ That knows something about this here ♪

I don't know nothing about it.

I've never seen it. But it makes some good sounds.

[upbeat music]

Look at this, [bleep], bro.

They ate scrambled eggs, and they ain't

even take the [bleep] out.

This just smells like

a [bleep] up, smelly-ass unit, bro.

Damn, why am I cursing so much, man?

I have more words.

[bleep] it.

I just know what them two gray bags is.

I bet you its clothes.

♪ ♪

Ah!

Clothes.

Son of a bitch.

We got one more gray bag.

I bet y'all $1 million I know what this [bleep] is.

No!

Why, man?

So many damn clothes.

What in the hell is in these people closets?

All their clothes is in here.

America, y'all ought to be ashamed of yourself.

You just throw [bleep] anywhere.

♪ I hate clothes ♪

♪ I hate clothes ♪

♪ Dirty, dirty clothes ♪

♪ Dirty, dirty clothes ♪

[person]

- Hey, Hal. - Hey, Ivy. Come on in.

Well, I was expecting a lake or

ocean or something around here, but there ain't nothing.

Well, there's Lake Hollywood right over here.

- I brought my underwater gizmo

to my buddy Hal at Hollywood Divers.

He'll know the value that lies beneath the surface.

I don't know what I brought you,

but I do know that this thing will go underwater.

I know it moves, and that's all I know.

- Yeah, well this is an underwater drone.

This is the same as what you'd fly through the sky,

but you're using it underwater.

So you've got propellers that will allow it to go downward,

go up, forward, back.

And it's got a camera on the front--

4K, so this will shoot high resolution.

- Mm. - And then these are lights.

- Oh! - Pretty bright, right?

- Sure is.

- I've seen this one before.

So it's called the Aqua Robot Man Nemo.

This is its battery.

This should go for about three hours.

It has the umbilical, and then you would control it

from your cell phone.

So this thing can go to about 300 feet deep.

- I know what I'm doing with this.

Where the Loch Monster live?

- [chuckles] Yeah, out in Scotland.

- That's where I'm going. - Yeah.

- I'm going to find him. So, what do you use this for?

- You have a boat? - Yeah.

- Sometimes the kelp gets wrapped around the prop,

and you'd have to go under and see how badly is it wrapped.

Send this thing under the boat.

- OK.

- Drive it around.

It's going to be taking video.

You'll be looking at it on your cell phone.

And then you hit Auto Return, and

it comes back to the surface and you reel it in.

So you got to attach this if you don't want to lose it.

Another useful thing that this can do is conservation.

Like, they're doing fish counts.

- OK.

- Put this in a river, and you can follow the fish.

A diver's not always going to be able to maneuver in certain

spots, so this could go places that a diver can't get into.

- Ah, that makes sense.

- So pretty cool, right? - It is cool.

So my little drone here got a cool name--

Aqua Mermaid Robot Nemo-- - [laughs]

- Slash Finding Mermaid Machine.

- OK. - What's this thing worth?

- This one's used, so and this condition...

[suspenseful music]

- Awesome condition.

- Well, yeah.

I mean, it's in decent condition.

- With a three hour battery.

- Um...

I don't know.

I'm going to say it's going to be worth about 800 bucks.

- Hey, that's a winner. - Yeah? Heck, yeah.

I only paid 1,000 for the room.

- Oh, good. Good. - Almost all my money back.

- That is good.

Well, let me pack it up. And--

- You want to take the battery out of it?

- I ain't worried about it. - OK.

- I might see me some water on the way home.

- All right.

- I think they got a aqueduct over there.

- Get in there and do it. - I'm doing it.

See you later. Have a great day!

- Good to see you, man.

- All right. You ready?

- All right, what you got? - It's dusty.

- Is it? - Yeah.

I brought Bozek to help me with this dirty locker.

Whew! - Ugh.

- And find out if it's worth its weight in dust.

[upbeat music]

[chuckling] Oh, my God.

All right, let's do it. - All right.

What you got? Wrapping paper. - All right.

- Those are cool. - Yeah.

- Little depression glass.

Nice. That's a good start.

- It's France. From France.

- Oh, ho-ho. - All right.

I think there's a good couple hundred bucks here.

These are cool.

- Oh, those are cool.

- These are like 20 a pop.

- Yeah. - 80 bucks.

Oh. All right, that one's bad.

- Mm-hmm.

- Here, I'll get it nice and clean for you.

[chuckles] - Thanks, bud.

Chairs are worthless.

- Fore!

- Thanks for that.

Fore!

[spitting] - God.

- [spitting]

♪ ♪

- Oh, look at that, some lace.

- Always need grandma's doilies.

- [chuckling] They do.

- [laughing] Oh, what the [bleep] is that?

- Oh, what the--

- This just got awesomely weird.

- What is in here?

[suspenseful music]

There's a wig, some suspenders.

Oh, is that a jockstrap? [laughs]

Look at this thing. - Wanna feel 'em?

Are they real? - Yeah.

- [laughs]

They feel--I mean-- - [laughs] They feel real, huh?

Well-- [laughter]

- Come on.

- Wait, do you want to feel?

[laughs]

- All right. What do you think of this?

- I don't know.

If-- should we have it examined?

[laughs] - By who?

A doctor? - I don't know.

I think that it's probably worth some money,

so maybe we want to get somebody to check that out.

I'm just waiting for the lower half of this guy.

- Oh, God.

- Do you think he's in there somewhere?

- I hope not.

- Some horses.

- Yo, those are cool. - All right.

- They are Breyers. - Oh.

- They look like they're older,

stamped with the USA on them. - Uh-huh.

- They could go from an average about 100 a pop.

- Yeah, so how many we got?

One, two, three, four, five, six, seven?

Seven of them? This unit is great.

- Yeah, that's a great deal.

- Hell yes.

Yeah, OK.

Oh, it is a Lane. - It is a Lane.

- I thought it was.

This is really nice inside. - It is.

- This is-- these kept really well intact.

Probably get 400 bucks for this.

[suspenseful music]

Nothing in there, but look at this thing.

- Good 100 bucks, though.

All right. - 1,500 bucks, dude.

That's what we're around at right now.

- That's not bad. - Yeah, I only spent three.

- Yeah. - This is awesome.

- That's awesome.

- Plus whatever boobies is worth over here.

- All right, let me grab these. - Yeah, get the moobs.

Get the man boobs.

Let's go get them examined. [laughs]

- Tatiana, I'm glad you came along.

We got a little unit.

I'm glad you're willing to help.

- You needed some help, obviously.

- My daughter Tatiana is joining us today

so I can impart my vast knowledge.

And so I don't have to carry so much stuff.

- It's a lot.

- Whoo, OK, we're going to be here for a while.

- All right. Money bag.

- Whoo! Oh, my--you throw the dirty stuff at me?

Are you kidding me?

- That's what he usually does to me.

[suspenseful music]

All right, this is all clothes.

10 bucks. - Hey, you know what?

What goes best with blue? Beep, beep!

- I like that.

- All these cars right here, that's $100 box.

Wow, look at this.

All brand-new, all outdoor pools.

This whole box is another 100 bucks.

- All right, here we go.

Oh, it's all brand-new stuff.

- They had some sort of business.

How much are these? Like, 10 bucks a piece, right?

- Yeah, makeup's expensive.

- $500 box.

This is good. - Oh, look at this.

They're all brand-new.

- But name brand Mega Bloks?

20 bucks a piece. $80 box.

All right, so these "Jumanji" things right here?

25 bucks a piece. $100 box.

♪ ♪

- Ooh. - Nice.

- 100 bucks of sunglasses.

That actually looks like it's real.

You think it's real?

You look so badass.

- Do I? - Yeah.

You look like you could be, like, in "Terminator."

- Come with me if you want to buy.

- I don't even know how to respond to that.

- OK, let's go to the important box.

I am looking at the important box.

This is what--[gasps] It is real!

He said it was a plastic bag.

It's not.

- Oh, wait. There's something inside.

- Oh, oh!

Oh, oh! [laughter]

1,000 bucks in the Louis.

♪ ♪

[rattling]

- Do you hear that? - That's not--

- Cha-ching! Hold on.

- Well, here.

I can't open it, though. Help me.

- The most satisfying thing as a parent

is to pass down important life skills to your children.

This is how a professional buyer does it.

- OK.

Whoo!

Oh, my gosh. - There you go.

- OK. Come on, cash.

Ta-da!

Ooh, wait, but there's envelopes.

- There's envelopes? - There's envelope.

- Oh, she was right.

[gasps] There's tons of money!

I like it.

- That's actually a lot. That's a good 50 bucks.

Let's just get through this jewelry box.

- The moment we've been waiting for.

Let's see the jewelry. Show me the jewelry.

- Look at this.

- Wow, I thought I had a lot of jewelry.

- Look at this one.

- Oh, wow. It's very colorful.

- All costume jewelry. I mean, It's all sellable.

Between all the jewelry here, easy 400 bucks.

I mean, it's nothing crazy, but it's just quantity.

This corner right here, there's at least another 50

boxes clothing, house decor.

Average 20 bucks a box.

That's another 1,000, right?

You know what?

I didn't turn water into wine, but we're

turning junk into profit.

Let's get this loaded.

[upbeat music]

- I'm taking my new uke-ma-lele to Joellen Lapidus

to see what kind of magic music this here thing makes.

[knock at door]

Is Jo here? - Yeah, come on.

- How you doing, Jo?

Hey, Kenny. Nice to meet you.

- Yeah, I contacted you earlier.

- Yeah, yeah. - You know it's me, huh?

- I knew it was you.

- Ain't that something? - I seen you on the TV.

- Oh, [bleep].

Man, sometimes I forget how famous I am.

I should probably stop eating food out them lockers.

Wow, look at you. You make these?

- Yeah.

- Man, you got uke-ma-leles.

What do you call them?

- Dulcimers. - Uh-huh.

Dulcimers. So you create all this?

- Yeah.

- You gifted, lady. - Thank you.

- But I called you about my ukulele.

I'm taking my-- there you go.

- Oh, look at that. That's lovely.

I know who made this dulcimer. - You know him?

- Yeah. Warren May is from Kentucky.

- Mm-hmm. - Berea, Kentucky.

And he has a furniture and dulcimer store.

And he does this wood burning thing.

These are like little flowers.

- Flowers, yeah.

- And the wood on this instrument is just amazing.

This is called a mountain dulcimer.

Sometimes it's called a lap dulcimer.

- And where was the first one made?

- Appalachia, Kentucky, Ohio, West Virginia.

And the people who made these were very poor.

- Mm-hmm.

- They would use wood from pallets.

They would use anything they could get,

and they only had-- these are called frets.

- Yeah.

- They only had the fret on this string.

The other two were just meant to drone.

That's a very European thing.

- Yeah.

- But nothing like this existed in Europe.

It's totally an American folk instrument.

- That thing probably worth some money.

- I'll tell you exactly what it's worth

after I tune it up and play it.

- Oh, shucks.

- OK, now, let me show you something.

- ♪ Coming to the stage, Jo ♪

- [laughs]

You make me laugh.

OK.

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

And so that's the traditional way of playing.

- Man, you badass, girl. - [laughs]

- We gotta put you on concert. Put you on tour.

- Now it's your turn. - Oh, my God.

- To the left, but not on top of it.

- Oh, that sounds pretty. - Yeah.

See, it's harmonious.

Dulce-- sweet.

♪ ♪

And slide. Slide, don't hop.

- Oh, slide my finger? - Slide.

Oh, you about to get tortured.

[laughter]

♪ ♪

Yeah, there you go.

♪ ♪

Oh, I'm playing this good, boy.

You heard that right there? - [laughs]

- [chuckles] Kenny, going to be putting out a number-one hit.

Watch me on Spotify.

It's going to be called "Sweating in the Garage."

[laughter]

OK, sweating. Sweating.

- ♪ I'm a-sweating ♪

- I'm a-sweating.

- ♪ Sweating in the garage ♪

- ♪ In the garage ♪ - ♪ Ah ♪

♪ I'm a-sweating ♪

♪ I'm a-sweating ♪

♪ I'm a-sweating in the garage ♪

- Resolve it.

[chord strums]

- Ain't that some [bleep]?

Jo, I love the music and I love the story behind it.

But you know what makes me happy.

- [chuckles] - Break it down, girl.

- OK.

This dulcimer... - Mm-hmm.

- Is in perfect condition. And it sounds good.

♪ ♪

- ♪ M-O-N-E-Y ♪

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

- I think you could easily sell it for $700.

- Wow.

- Did you think it was worth more than that or less?

- I'ma be honest with you.

When I got looked at it, I said,

this can't be real because it was so light.

But now listening to your stories,

I'ma come and join your band.

Going to be--

[scatting]

- Yeah, I think so.

- Beautiful. Keep being you. OK?

- OK. - Don't stop smiling.

- And keep being you. - Oh, man.

I ain't got no choice right now.

- [laughs]

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

- 5,000 fathoms, captain!

Aye-aye, sir!

Getting deeper. Here, fishy, fishy.

It's goopy down here. I can't see.

Shoot, you know I wasn't going straight home.

I had to stop and play with my new toy.

Straight ahead, sir.

10,000 fathoms and rising.

♪ ♪

Watch out for that giant squid.

- Are you ready to party? - Yeah.

Let's do it. - Do it.

- Hi, I'm Johnny. - Brandi.

- Nice to meet you. - Nice to meet you.

- Bozek. - What have you got here?

- Oh, we have some fun, fun things.

Ooh! - Fun.

- I'm excited.

- Just wait till you get to the jock strap.

- Oh, is there things in the jock strap?

- Uh-- - We'll find out.

- I mean, it might be valuable. I mean--I mean--

I hauled my top torso over to Precinct

to meet with the drag king who knows it all,

Johnny Gentleman.

I think this is Bozek's first time with a drag king.

I hope Johnny's gentle.

- So just like drag queens,

we are impersonating male characters.

So it could be a very masculine character.

It could be a very vintage character.

Or it can just be whatever kind of man we want to be.

Like, for me, my name is Johnny Gentleman,

so I based my character off of

like, 1920s, you know, Gatsby-esque men.

So I like to wear a lot of suits, a lot of suspenders,

kind of give that vintage look.

So it's a form of rebellion

to give ourselves a little bit of masculinity and power.

- I think Johnny's wearing a suit

better than Bozek ever has.

- Amazing. Well, you have some really great stuff here.

Love the boa.

It's very soft, which is very nice.

I mean, I think it would look more gorgeous on you, though.

[jazzy music]

Ooh, yes, diva.

Oh, looking fabulous.

All right, let's see what we have here.

All right. This looks like a wig for sure.

Wow, it's very soft.

It's very human hair. Do you want to touch that?

- Mm-hmm. That's very nice.

- It is very nice. Do you want to try this?

- I think it looks like a Brigitte Bardot type.

- Right? [laughs] - Right?

- [groans] - Oh, my goodness.

Yes, honey.

- Isn't she pretty? - Oh, that's pretty.

- Stop that. - OK.

I mean, the jockstrap and the sock--

- It's a package deal. - [laughs]

I see what you did there.

- [chuckles] - It's a package deal.

- All right, let's see this mustache.

♪ ♪

- This one is aggressively large.

Yes. - Yeah.

And that's synthetic.

Do I look like one of my mom's boyfriends?

- [laughs]

- She did like a mustache, I'm just saying.

- I mean-- - Easy, colonel.

- Like mother, like daughter.

But wait, there's more.

- There's--wait, there's more. Yay!

Let's see what it is.

Ooh.

Oh. - Oh.

[muscle suit thuds] - Oh, [bleep].

So these muscle suits actually--

not only drag kings use them, but cosplayers.

And this is very heavy. This is probably...

- It's extremely heavy. - 40 pounds.

So the person that was wearing this

was probably in pain a lot.

As weird as it sounds, this is actually a really good

treasure that you have here.

It's custom, like silicone.

Only a limited amount of companies do this.

- OK.

- And because it's medical silicone, it is breathable.

- Uh-huh.

- And the bigger the pecs and the bigger the suit,

the more expensive it is.

- All right, Johnny. How much money we got here?

Is this a drag or a wiener?

- [laughs]

Well, mm...

you know, with the accessories and the suit...

♪ ♪

Mm...

I would say...

[suspenseful music]

♪ ♪

Got a good $700 here.

- What? - What?

- Yes. - Yeah.

Definitely, you hit the bank on this.

Tip money, right, Bo?

- Tip money. Mm! - Oh!

Just the tip. - Yeah.

- What? - [laughs]

♪ ♪

announcer: Brandi Passante flexed her way to the top,

finishing with 1,800 big ones.

Ivy Calvin's subaquatic camera made a splash,

surfing up over 700 bucks.

Rene Nezhoda's family affair delivered

a smashing $400,

while the sweet sounds of the dulcimer...

[dulcimer playing]

- ♪ M-O-N-E-Y ♪

announcer: Rescued Kenny from the burrito abyss.

- Burribos!

♪ ♪

- ♪ Mm ♪ - ♪ I want you ♪

- ♪ Oh, really? ♪

- ♪ To dance and sing ♪

♪ I want you ♪

Sing it, girl.

- ♪ To dance and sing ♪

♪ I want you ♪

Come on now.

♪ Dance and sing, whoo ♪

♪ Everybody, dance and sing ♪

- Yeah! [laughs]

- ♪ I want you ♪

[laughter]

♪ To dance and sing, whoo! ♪

♪ Everybody, dance and sing ♪ - ♪ Sing ♪

♪ ♪

Yeah, just like that.