Original subtitles

What is the difference between a contract with America and a deal with

devil? I don't know. What? The devil thinks poor kids should get school

What? You don't think that's funny?

It's okay. Where's Corky? She isn't in yet. I can't believe you don't think

that's funny. That is funny.

Hi. Sorry I'm late. I didn't get much sleep last night.

Miller took me to this Greek restaurant and I didn't get to bed until three.

Didn't get to bed or...

Didn't get to sleep.

What's the difference?

Difference? No difference. Let's get to work, shall we?

Hey, Frank, where does that take you on me?

You're giving this back to me now?

Well, it hasn't been that long.

It's on beta. I gave that machine away eight years ago.

Murphy, listen, Prime Minister Majors agreed to the interview, but it has to

in London at the end of the month. Great.

Oh, wait, I've got to check my schedule. That might be when I'm getting married.

What?

Yeah, you and I are getting married. Didn't I mention that to you guys?

You regaled us for three hours yesterday with the saga of how your dry cleaner

lost a button to your blouse, but no, I don't recall any mention of your plans

to unite your soul with another's for the rest of eternity.

What was the ceremony?

Is there going to be a ceremony?

Oh, um, how's two weeks from Sunday sound?

Two weeks?

Murphy, do you have any idea how much there is to do? I mean, where's the

reception? Who's doing flowers?

Where are you going to get your dress? Well, actually, you might want to

consider wearing a suit. I mean, it's more appropriate for, you know, mature

brides.

No desire to go crazy with plans. Peter and I want to keep this small and

casual. In fact, don't even think of this as a wedding.

Think of it as a man and a woman agreeing not to date anyone else in

whole bunch of people.

So, you're getting married.

Yep.

It's a pretty big decision.

I guess.

You made it all by yourselves.

Gosh, I tell you.

I don't know if I could have done that. I think if it were me, I probably would

have been in here with you for hours just agonizing over what to do.

Yeah, well, lucky for us, Peter asked me and not you.

Well, it would have been nice if you'd at least told me about it. Well, what do

you mean? I just told you. No, you told everyone.

You didn't tell me, your best friend.

I'm sorry, Frank.

If I could, I'd make it up to you by offering you the chance to be flower

but Peter already promised that to his niece.

Glad to see you're taking this so seriously.

Okay, Frank, if I had it to do all over again, I would tell you first, much

earlier than anyone else.

How much earlier?

Okay, I'd tell you on the plane. No, I'd tell you at the motel. No, I would drag

you into the room at the very moment that Peter proposed. No, better yet, I

would have him ask you, and then you could ask me. Don't forget I even

it up.

Thank God you're here.

What do you think of this, Ty?

It's fine.

Yeah, that's what I said.

But that idiot in wardrobe just doesn't get it. Now, can't we fire him before he

does something really dangerous?

What are you doing here? Why aren't you out shooting footage with the sharks?

Oh, sorry, big guy, but they wouldn't let me do it the way you wanted.

No, they said I had to be in a protective cage or I'd be ripped open by

sharks.

Well... I told them it takes a little more than that to scare Miller Redfield.

But then one of the guys showed me his stump.

That's what he called my bluff.

I'll catch you later. I'm beat.

Oh, up late last night?

Yeah, I didn't get to sleep till three.

Didn't get to sleep or didn't get to bed.

God, Miles, would you stop it? You're driving me crazy with these nutty brain

teasers of yours.

Tell Corky I stopped by, okay, stud?

I hate him, Jim.

What could Corky possibly be attracted to? Don't tell me his looks, because I

have it on good authority he's had work done.

What do you think of the music?

Oh, it's just that many moons ago, I faced a rival suitor for Doris'

My response was to date as many women as I could to make her jealous, and it

worked.

To this day, I tease her about the mistakes she almost made.

Can you imagine Doris, Mrs. Tom Snyder?

Come and kiss my feet nightly.

But who would I go out with?

Oh, please.

Why, in this building alone, there must be hundreds of eligible women. How about

Vicki in accounting?

Eh, she's got that weird hair thing.

Oh, okay. How about Patty in the tape library?

Eh, too skinny.

Ruth in the message center? She's quite attractive.

Yeah, but she's always wearing those gold sneakers.

Oh, for heaven's sake.

Her name is Miles Silverberg, not Brad Pitt.

She's going to be someone with two X chromosomes and be done with it.

Bill, I thought this was supposed to be the light turkey sandwich from the spa

menu. Yeah, so?

Well, it's got cheese and bacon and it's slathered in mayonnaise. It looks

just like the regular sandwich, only smaller, and it costs twice as much.

Yeah, but it's really paying off for you, Frank.

You look great.

Really? You think so?

It's FYI. Hey, everyone.

I'd like you to meet Vandala. I'm showing her around town this week.

Where's Clarkie? Wait a minute. The Vandala?

The Sports Illustrated swimsuit issue Vandala? The walking goddess Vandala?

Frank. She's the supermarket checkout girl Vandala and just got a free

at JCPenney.

I'm a big fan.

Nice to meet you, my cover. What's your last name?

It's the same as yours.

So, uh, how'd you guys meet?

I don't know. Where's Courtney? What parts of town have you seen? I don't

Where's Courtney? Listen, Pendula, you're a supermodel.

Why are you hanging with Miles?

Well, I'm doing some wonderful, handsome men in my life.

Miles is different.

I'm with you so far.

He's smart and funny.

Miles, tell them the joke you told me.

No, that's okay. Oh, come on. It's so funny.

It's about the devil and the contract with America.

Hey, that's my joke. I told you that joke.

Really? I don't remember. Let's write your name on this. What?

It's not my joke.

I'm the one who's different from all those other wonderful, handsome guys.

the one who should be hanging with Vandalos. Give it up, Frank.

Listen, I know lots of jokes.

Listen,

you stop me if you've heard this, okay?

Knock, knock. I've heard it.

This thing's really getting out of hand. So now I need to know, how many slices

of pizza would you guys eat at the wedding?

Pizza? At a wedding? It's a great idea, huh? I'm surprised more people don't do

it.

Murphy, this is Pendula.

Have you seen Courtney? No, hi.

Hey, you're from Denmark, are you?

Sweden, actually. Oh, well, that's close enough.

Listen, can you tell me, how much would a good smorgie cost these days?

I wouldn't know.

Eh, what, I'm sorry.

editing bay. Corky, you're here. I'd like you to meet... You

know each other? Oh, yeah. We met a few years

ago when I did a story on the fashion industry.

She's the only woman who ever got me to open up about my physical shortcomings.

You know, I still don't know how you go out in public with those hideous nail

beds of yours.

I promise not to tell.

How did you two get together?

Did you buy her at a charity auction?

No.

Vandal and I have been seeing each other.

Oh, really?

For how long?

One day.

Two meals. Yeah, I was prepping a story for the next wave on models who've gone

into acting, and something just started feeling really right between us.

Well, I just hope you two are having fun together.

We are.

In fact, we're about to go to lunch, our third meal together.

Although... If you count that pretzel we had on the street, that would be meal

number four.

But you ate most of it and got mustard all of your time.

And I didn't even care.

See ya.

Bye. Ah,

poor Miles.

Poor Miles?

Yeah. Didn't you see those nail beds?

Did. Yeah.

Well, here we are.

Wait a minute. This place doesn't look like it has the best fries in town.

the hell are we?

Bridal store.

I'm sorry I had to trick you, Murphy, but I couldn't get you here any other

Oh, sure you could. All you'd need is a chloroform -soaked rag, some rope, and a

car trunk that doesn't open from the inside. Goodbye. Murphy, wait.

This is my wedding gift to you.

Because I know that under that tough exterior is a little girl who always

dreamed of a fairytale wedding.

All that's underneath this exterior is a very hungry woman who didn't have lunch

because she was promised fries and instead wound up inside Jeannie's

Hey, Murphy, you'll thank me later. Just give it a chance. Whenever you've had

enough, just give me the word and we'll go, okay?

Oh, all right.

Hello.

I'm Scarlett. How are you gals today?

Okay, I've had enough. Let's go.

I understand there's always a little stress when your daughter's getting

married, isn't there?

She is.

Of course. Well, you've come to the right place.

Now, tell me, what sort of a function did you have in mind?

Nothing big, nothing fancy, nothing pink. In fact, nothing.

On a budget. Okay.

Let's look at some gowns first, shall we? Because as we say in this business,

when you walk down that aisle, if their eyes don't pop, then the wedding is a

flop.

Princess.

To frou -frou. Okay.

Well, now, here's something.

Unspoken romance.

To see -through.

The eve of m 'lady. I'd rather die.

I like this one. What's this one called?

The curtain.

Let's move on to cakes, shall we?

Now, our top seller is our all -vanilla, six -tiered Swan Lake Fantasia.

All right.

Well, we have the five -tiered, sherry -swirled Garden of Eden.

How about a Sara Lee Bundt cake with some Baskin -Robbins mint chip?

Could we substitute Rocky Road for the mint chip?

Feel free to browse.

Hey!

Look who it is!

Murphy and Corky! What a coincidence!

Hi. What are you doing here?

Oh, nothing.

Me and Bendy, she likes it when I call her that. We were walking by, and she

just insisted we come in. No, I didn't.

Really? But you did, V. She likes it when I call her V, too.

No, I don't.

I mean, we're not even talking, not even thinking, you know.

Hey, you never say never.

Ooh, you know, Vandala, I think this dress would look just great on you.

No, it wouldn't.

You're right. It'd look much better off you.

Oh, well.

Let's get going. I hear the place down the street has the best fries in town.

Do they have chili fries? I love chili fries.

Me, too.

Whoa. First fast cars, and now chili fries. We have so much in common.

Deal number five.

You don't think they're serious, do you?

Oh, please. Miles hates fast cars. Every time I edge a bit over 100 or do a

little swerving, he practically bursts into tears.

He's obviously willing to make time for her.

Time he's never willing to make for me.

Well, if you're so interested, why do you waste time with the thief? I mean,

Miller. Would you stop throwing black teeth and beards on all the pretty

I'm not wasting time with Miller.

He's sweet and affectionate, and he always wants to be with me.

So does a golden retriever. And unlike Miller, they actually seem to understand

you when you talk to them.

Listen, we're going out to dinner tomorrow night. It's Chez Moulage. You

come with us? That way you can see if you're interested in using the

for your reception and get to know Miller better in the bargain.

Hey, throw in a swift kick to the head and you got yourself a deal.

Fine, Murphy, don't go.

If you want to miss out on a good atmosphere, free food, and a fun

that's fine with me.

Free food? What's free food?

Oh, yeah.

If you tell your better restaurant you're considering using them for your

reception, they'll let you sample their food for free.

Well, what time's our reservation?

Good evening.

I understand you're thinking of having a wedding reception with us. I'm sure

you'll find our staff courteous. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, this meal is totally

free, right? You're not going to stick me with any sale tax or tip or anything?

We want you to freely sample our menu so you'll know Chez Melange is the only

place for your reception.

Then sample we shall.

Fork over the menus, Charlie. I'm growing roots here.

Wow.

French food.

Crazy, huh?

Fifty years ago, we were at war with them.

Now we're eating in their restaurant.

The French were on our side.

Yeah, sure. After we dropped the bomb on them.

If you'll excuse me, I'm going to go freshen up.

Miller's a dear.

But the more time I spend with him, the more I realize he can be a little...

A little slow?

I hate to break it to you, but he just went to freshen up in the kitchen.

Oh, my God!

Of all the places supermodel and actress Fendel and I could have chosen for our

six -wheel together, what are the odds of us choosing the same one as you guys?

Corky clued me into this great deal. If you tell a restaurant you're thinking of

having your wedding reception there, they give you all the food for free.

Neat, huh?

Call me crazy, but I'm betting Liz Taylor's been grifting places with this

phone here.

Sounds great. How about Vendel and I get in on the action?

Oh, I don't know, Miles. Oh, come on. It'll be fun.

Are you ready to place your order?

Uh, sure. We'll have one of everything.

One of everything?

Oh, that's right. There's five of us now. Okay, we'll have two of everything.

It's fun, huh? Nice and cozy.

Miller, you're back.

Oh, I just missed you.

Wow.

Miles, hey.

I didn't realize you were joining us.

Listen, you have got to check out these self -flushing toilets.

They're amazing.

No, I went back eight times to test it. I even tried sneaking away from it. But

God struck me dead at that clever little toilet. Couldn't tell when I left.

Aren't you that supermodel, Gondola?

Gondola.

Yeah, right, right, right. I gotta tell you, I've been digging that picture of

you in those gold Lycra stretch pants.

Question, do they make them for guys?

Because I think I'd look pretty hot in them.

Damn, I was afraid this would happen.

What's the matter, Murphy? I'm starting to fill up on breadsticks. Waiter!

This duck of a Raj is out of this world. You want some?

Rude, but aren't you full yet? Hey, I was full an hour ago, but pros play with

pain. You know what else I love about Vandala? She understands my busy

You know what else I love about Miller?

He always makes time for me.

Well, you know what I really love about Vandala? She's always there for me.

I'm leaving, Miles.

What? Why?

But we're having such a great time.

No, we haven't even...

have him talk to me for the last hour. It's obvious there's something going on

between you and Corky, and I vowed never to get caught up in the middle again.

Once, but Tom and Roseanne was enough.

Well, I hope you're happy.

The best thing Sweden sent to this country since ABBA just walked out on

Wendy! Wait, me!

I want to go home now, too, Miller.

Well, gotta go.

we couldn't skip dessert, now could we?

Rena?

Rena, can you get that?

Oh, jeez.

Hello?

What? No, I'm not interested in changing my long -distance carrier.

here at this hour. Look, Murph, I've been doing a lot of thinking about our

argument the other day, as I'm sure you have. Oh, yeah, if it hasn't been the

wedding, it's been that.

Anyway, after a lot of reflection, I realized I

was right. It was loudly of you not to tell me first about your engagement.

Frank, I really don't want to have this discussion again.

Forget it. Go back to your wedding plans. Sorry I bothered you.

Frank, wait.

Am I making a mistake?

What?

Am I making a mistake?

You know, getting married?

Oh. Now you care about what I think.

You just said I never tell you anything. Well, now I'm telling you.

I don't know if I'm doing the right thing.

You can't seem to make any decisions.

I can't decide about the cake. I can't decide about the invitations.

Tonight, I ate more food than I've ever consumed in my entire life just because

it was free.

And I've got money, Frank. I could pay.

Maybe it means something. What do you think?

Well, you know what I think about Peter. I've never really loved a guy.

I sense that.

And, you know, I tend to be a little wary of marriage in general.

I sense that, too.

And taking all that into consideration, I think you should do it.

You do?

Look, you found someone you're happy with. You know, I never thought that was

going to happen for either one of us. The fact that it did for you, it gives

hope. I mean, if there's someone out there who can actually put up with

Brown, anything's possible.

Thanks, Frank.

Hey, I'm glad I could help. You know, I didn't think you needed that anymore.

What do you mean by that?

Nothing. I'll see you tomorrow.

No, no, no, Frank, wait.

I want to know what you meant.

It's just that we, uh... Look, I know it sounds silly. It's just... We never

really do stuff together anymore.

You know, like we used to. Just sort of go to the movies, play video games, just

hang. Oh, sure we do. No, we don't, Murph. This is the first time I've been

in the past seven, eight months.

Well, Frank, I'm a parent now. Avery takes up a lot of time. I know. I

understand. It's just that since you met Peter, I see you even less. And I

understand that, too. And I understand that when you guys get married, well,

you'll have your life and I'll have mine. And it's just never going to be

it was. And I miss the way it was.

That's all.

So do I.

Yeah.

Well, what are you going to do, huh?

Things change.

Listen, you know, I know I never said this before, but... Congratulations.

Hey, Frank.

I still got my Nintendo hooked up.

And we never did make it to the end of Super Mario Bros.

3.

You gotta be kidding.

At this hour? Well, I'm still up, and I got two bags of free dessert.

This time, I'm not using the left control pad. The button sticks. I always

up getting killed.

Oh, sure. Blame it on the button.

Are you sure you want to do this? It's really late.

Yeah, I really do.

You know, it always drove me crazy that we never finished this game.

Yeah, me too.

We like her.

We dig him.

We're kind of into ourselves.

And on the fence about this, that, and the other. But ultimately, we're mad

about you. All week starting Monday, April 10th at 10 p .m. Only on Nick at

Night. We play favorites.