Original subtitles

I'm Murphy Brown.

I'm Ms. Brown. I'm Walter, your new secretary.

I'm Ms. Brown. I'm William, your new secretary.

Uh, excuse me, but why are there two of you? Well, you see, the embryo split in

my mother's womb. Oh, no. Why are there two of you here?

Oh, personnel left a message on our answering machine for a W. Ferguson to

up for work this morning. And that would be me, Walter Ferguson. No, that would

be me, William Ferguson. They meant me since my name came first. I was born

first. Oh, there it is, your little ball.

I don't care which one of you gets the job. Just go to personnel and get it

straightened out, okay?

I'll do it right now. Oh, no, you're not. I'm going, too.

I already pushed it. So I can push it, too.

but when you get a call as important as the one I just got, you don't exactly

tell your secretary to take a message.

Don't tell me some lucky gal finally picked your video at the I Can't Believe

I'm Still Single dating service.

That's very humorous, Murphy.

Tim, I didn't have a joke like that a few minutes ago.

I could have told it to the First Lady.

Hillary Clinton called you?

Well, actually, it was D .D. Myers, but I could definitely hear Hillary in the

background yelling at Bill to change his tie. Oh, big deal. So the White House

call. I thought you said it was important.

Ooh, what's that you're chewing, Murphy? Sour grapes?

You know, just because you've been banned from the White House during the

Clinton administration as you were by the Bush administration and the Reagan

administration, and I can only assume the Carter administration?

That doesn't mean you can't be happy when Hillary Clinton invites Corky to

White House for the Women in Journalism luncheon next week.

Oh, she did?

way. Poor me. I have to go to the garden.

I do one tough piece on Hillary's health care program and suddenly I'm

blacklisted. Well, actually, Slugger, several reporters have done tough

but you're the only one who's pushed your husband in the mud. I did not push

him. He was running from me. There was mud. There was gravity. I did not write

the laws of physics.

Besides, that was eight months ago. It's not like Hillary would even remember.

Oh, no, she remembers vividly. Didi says the first lady doesn't like you. Okay,

Miles.

the words rude, annoying, and deportation kept popping up in the

Okay. Which makes it all the more extraordinary that your brilliant

producer has managed to wrangle an invitation for you, too.

Oh, my. What?

Well done, Miles. Two more miracles, and I believe you qualify for sainthood.

Oh, come on. It's not like he spun straw into gold. I mean, he got a highly

qualified journalist into a White House luncheon. How hard could that have been?

How hard? I'll tell you how hard.

Guess who's dressing up as Baby New Year at the White House New Year's Eve

party?

How about this, Murphy? You and me at the White House together.

Let's take separate cars. You know, in case you want to leave early or I want

leave early or you get arrested.

I was never arrested.

Placed briefly in a holding cell, maybe.

Forcibly ejected by Marine guards once or twice, sure.

But none of that's going to happen next week, is it, Murphy?

Because you know how hard your executive producer has worked to get you this

invitation. You know the importance he places upon the reputation of his

reporters. And you know that he doesn't want his great -uncle Manny, who once

published a Stalinist newsletter in the 30s, to be dragged out of bed and

interrogated by FBI agents again.

Miles, you're preaching to the converted. I'm being given a second

have no intention of messing it up. They're going to see a whole new me at

luncheon. In fact, Hillary's going to have to ask, my, who is that well

-mannered blonde woman who's getting along so famously with every one of her

tables? And I'll just... smiled at me early and asked for a second helping of

pig's knuckles.

Yes!

I'm telling you, Miles, I could not have been a more charming guest.

I was pleasant, attentive.

You should have seen how naturally I chuckled when Hillary told me which

were hers on last week's Evening Shade.

Just a second.

Hey, you yuppie jerk! Get off the...

Go on and drive.

I'm sorry, Mike. What were you saying?

No, I didn't break anything.

No, I did not injure anyone.

Oh, come on. Like I could even have gotten into the war room.

It was brilliant.

I even sacrificed a perfectly good pair of pantyhose playing with their stupid

cat socks.

Yes, indeedy. I think it's safe to say my bad luck with the White House is

behind me.

So, I'll see you back at the office. Goodbye.

And when Hillary said she thought history would prove that the Clinton tax

increase was in the best interest of the country, who do you think leapt to her

feet and started the smattering of applause?

Oh, yeah, my exile is over. I have established a beachhead on the

Clinton shore.

Beachhead on the shores.

I show respect, maturity, self -discipline.

Maturity, self -discipline. I even asked for a cornbread recipe. Like I'm really

going to make something that calls for three cups of lard.

Ask for a cornbread recipe.

What is it with you people? Why don't any of you believe me?

Well, it's not that we don't want to believe you, Murphy. It's just that,

you know.

Well, I believe it.

She was on her best behavior and managed to monopolize the hostess the entire

time. But that's okay.

really enjoyed listening to cokie roberts go on for two hours about her

water pick how makes her gums feel alive hey guys how'd luncheon go beachhead

cornbread lard it was great i give you the details but it's been a long day and

i've got a thank you note to write so tell me did hillary seem upset about the

whole socks thing what whole socks thing the clinton cat socks he's missing it

was just on cnn oh wow Oh, hold the presses. I think that's right up there

the Amy Carter dead goldfish scandal or the daring midnight escape of Tricia

Nixon's turtle.

Ah, it's a cat.

He's probably under a dresser in the Lincoln bedroom coughing up a hairball

he skips.

What? Murphy, you didn't buy any chance.

What?

Just because something bad happened at the White House and I happened to be...

You think I had something to do with it?

It's not Bill and Peter at first. I don't believe this.

What do you think I did? Stuff him in a closet or leave a gate open?

Kidnap him so I can blackmail the president for an interview?

Of course not.

But you did come up with those ideas awfully quickly.

Well, you are some kind of friend. You know, my behavior at that luncheon was

impeccable, and I have got witnesses. I have a very good feeling about what I

accomplished today. None of your suspicions or insinuations or missing

take that away from me.

Good night.

Get in here.

I thought you left. What's up? Close the door. Why?

Close it, close it, close it.

Now, Frank, I want you to listen to me and listen to me carefully.

I'm going to show you something, but you have to promise me not to scream. Can

you promise me that, Frank?

Sure.

I went down to the garage and got into my car, and the next thing I knew, there

was just a wet, sandpapery tongue licking my neck.

You took the cat!

Listen to me. I didn't take the cat. Then how did it end up in your car? I

know. It must have climbed in the window. It makes sense. If you were a

which car would you choose? My Porsche or Katie Couric's minivan with the dog

hair all over the seat?

You couldn't have just stolen a coaster you had to take? The president's...

What if something... Who even says this is the president's cat? I mean, just

because the Clinton's cat is missing and I happen to be at the White House today

and I happen to find this cat in my car and he happens to have white feet

doesn't mean this cat is soft.

That's a true name.

No, he didn't. Sure he did. He did not. That was just a coincidence. I'll prove

it to you.

Rocks?

Blocks?

I must say, I never pegged you as a cat lover, Murphy, but... Dear Lord,

this is the President's cat.

My God, woman, have you no shame?

What is it with you people?

I found him in my car. I didn't take him. Oh, sure, and John Wilkes Booth was

only at Ford's Theater because he couldn't get tickets to Phantom.

as our Frankie Jim.

What's going on?

Something secret I should...

God,

my allergies are going crazy.

What have you got in here, a cat?

I'll get you invited to Hillary's luncheon and this is how you repay me?

evil. Will you calm down, Miles?

Calm down. You're scaring the cat.

So what? The cuddliest member of the Clinton family is wrapped up in the

overcoat of my star reporter.

What's the matter, Murphy? Was Hillary watching her purse too closely?

Now, hold on a second, Miles. Murphy is a great reporter. Thank you, Frank.

But star reporter?

I don't think so. Now...

It was my understanding that FYI was always a team effort. I am telling you

was an accident. He crawled into my car. I swear I didn't know about it. So then

you have to take him back. You have to take him back right now.

I'm going to.

You're not moving.

I don't see you moving.

Aren't you moving?

Because suddenly I'm picturing myself at the door to the White House.

I'm giving Hillary her little cat and chuckling over the irony of me, of all

people winding up with it.

She's failing to see the irony, and she's picking up the phone. The next

know, Janet Reno's roughing me up in the Rose Garden and daring me to press

charges.

Murphy, Murphy, listen.

I can understand your paranoia about this, but the Clintons are very

people. I think the truth is usually the best way to go.

So, you think she'll just believe me and get a laugh over the whole thing? No.

Murphy, Murphy, listen to me.

Every minute you keep the cat, it's going to make it that much harder to

explain. She's had the cat six hours. I think the ship's already sailed. I'm

hard to explain.

Am I working alone here?

This is what I get for trying to kiss up to the First Lady. When this mangy cat

came in from the Rose Garden with a dead bird in its mouth, did I shriek in

horror like Mary Alice Williams? No, I had to pretend it was cute, even when it

started batting the head around under the table.

I hate cats.

It's ironic, isn't it? The way cats always seem to take a liking to people

don't like them.

He doesn't like me, Jim. He's just trying to screw me over.

Okay. Okay, I've got to take care of this.

And I know just how to do it.

Oh, Corky.

Hi,

Murphy. I thought you left.

What are you all doing in here?

Um, Corky, you are not going to believe what happened.

When I went down to the garage and saw him in your car, I was just as surprised

as you.

He was in my car?

He must have crawled in when you were at the White House.

Oh, I feel so bad.

I just saw the Clintons crying on TV and all that time.

I had no idea I was the one responsible for their pain.

Oh, Corky, don't blame yourself.

Too much, but you did good.

doors were locked how'd you get them out of my car murphy well that is the

darndest thing the key to my porsche actually fit the lock of your jeep

you know if i were you i would call my dealer paranto

because they should not stop it you kidnapped socks now you're trying to pin

on me oh quirky I guess we've discovered the limits to your friendship.

Frank, take the cat back for me. What?

I can't do it. I am this close to getting back into the White House. It's

14 years. I can't blow it now.

Please, Frank.

Okay.

Thank you.

Now, when they ask where you got him, what are you going to say?

knows we can take him back. Those crafty Clintons will put the pieces together

in no time.

I've got to figure a way out of this.

Think. Think.

Think. You're insane!

Take the cat back!

You're absolutely right.

I just panicked. I wasn't thinking clearly.

I just have to gather up my courage and do the right thing.

And what, Preach, how was that?

I'm going to drive by the White House and fling him over the fence.

Pets always land on their feet, right?

Really have to dig your claws into me like that?

Not like I wasn't going to stop the car first.

Come on, don't hold a grudge. Just eat something, would you?

Mmm, yum, yum, yum.

The first family released a statement earlier expressing how moved they've

by the outpouring of concern over their missing pet.

an exhaustive search for the White House has failed to un... God,

what's next?

Nightline, day 53, a nation waits and worries. You're just a cat.

Clocks?

Knocks?

Socks?

These are the last three brands of cat food.

This one says new, friskier taste.

It's got egg, beef, chicken byproduct.

Manganese sulfate.

You know, nothing says frisky like manganese sulfate.

Come on, just a bite.

How do you know you don't like it if you don't try it?

Unbelievable. The same cat I had to stop from drinking out of the toilet bowl is

turning up his nose at $3 a can cat food.

Let me give it a shot. Now, this always seems to work with Avery.

Eat all your food, though it may look like dreck, and you will grow tall.

Unlike Toulouse -Lautrec.

Gee, Teldon, that's how you get my kid to eat?

No wonder there's food all over the kitchen walls.

Oh, God.

I can't believe this is happening to me. The way things are going, Nixon's going

to be back at the White House before I am.

Forgive me for asking the obvious question, but why don't you just take

little fella back?

You can't take him back, Eldon. If I do, I'll be blacklisted from the White

House for the rest of the Clinton administration.

So don't take him back.

I don't take him back. The cat doesn't eat. The cat starves.

Well, so take him back.

If I take him back, I'll be a joke. I'll never be able to have lunch in this

town without someone sending over a bowl of tender vittles.

So don't take him back. Eldon, this isn't really helping. So take him back.

Eldon! I should have just taken him back when I first found him. Now I've had

him a day and a half tonight. How am I going to explain that?

I don't know, but if you plan on keeping him, I think that I should point out

that cat fur has a tendency to get into paint.

Not to mention that there are those in the Bernicke family that believe late at

night, when everyone is sleeping, cats secretly run our electrical appliances.

I'll hide the blender, thanks.

Where is he? You know who.

He's at the office.

Marcy thought he looked a little home -thick, so she's showing him pictures of

the Clintons.

Marcy, you were right. I should have brought him back when I first found him.

had at least half a dozen times when I could have done it, but each time I

convinced myself I waited too long. So you're going to take him back now?

I can't. I waited too long.

Marty, would you do me a favor?

Take this knife and plunge it into my chest.

That'll be a lot less painful and quicker than what you're putting me

now.

God, I've really done it this time.

I just kept stalling, hoping for some divine intervention to get me through

It's not going to happen, is it?

It ends here, Miles. I'm taking him back.

You mean it?

Well, yeah. What choice do I have? He's miserable. I can't get him to eat.

The only thing worse than being caught with the president's cat is being caught

with the president's dead cat.

Don't you even think it.

So I'm going.

It's time to face the music.

I've made my bed.

And I'm going to lie in it.

Yep. It's time to pay the piper.

Oh, hi, John.

Where were you going in such a hurry?

Nowhere. Why? What have you heard?

Nothing. Oh, I wanted to tell you, I was so impressed with you at the White

House luncheon. You were gracious and well -mannered, and nobody had to lead

away in handcuffs.

Thank you, London. I can see why America loves to wake up to you.

Well, see you at the next White House function.

Actually, that's where I'm headed right now.

Hillary and I just hit it off so well, she asked me back for a one -on -one

interview. She did? Mm -hmm.

I guess I'm really lucky, you know. I've always had such good relationships with

presidents and first ladies.

Maybe it's because I don't push him in the mud. Hey, I didn't push him. I know.

Mud gravity. I've heard it. I've heard it. You know, Hillary almost canceled

this interview when she heard about socks disappearing. Isn't that a sad

Oh, yeah. It's a real tragedy.

Well, listen, have a good time at the White House.

That is where you're going, right? Yeah. Good old 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue.

I'm going to just drive through those gates and past the guards and onto the

ground. Well, I thought a helicopter would be a little showy.

So tell me, Joan, what kind of rental car is the old Alphabet Network

for these days?

Christ, oh, LeBaron.

Oh, you know, I think I saw the black one across the street, right? No, it's

silver one. It's right outside.

Oh, yeah, that's what I meant.

Um, excuse me. I just remembered I owe Ruth Bader Ginsburg a call. Okay.

Miles! Hi!

Hi! Hi! How have you been?

Terrific. Good to see you. You would have been so proud of Murphy at the

House luncheon. Oh, yeah.

Real proud. Ready to burst. Gotta go, buddy.

Corky. Listen to me. Grab the cat and the lockpick in my top drawer and meet

outside filled by a silver LeBaron.

And Corky, hurry.

Socks is going home.

And there was a joyous reunion.

People say Murphy Brown captured the 90s zeitgeist. What does that mean to you?

That means a lot. Look, we tapped into... No, no, I'm sorry. The word

Do you have any idea what it means?

Oh, no, no, no.