Original subtitles

The book we're talking about is Murphy Brown, The Tragic Untold Story.

So tell us, while you were writing this biography, what did you find out about

Murphy? Well, sadly, I found her to be a deeply conflicted, deeply disturbed

woman. Really? How so?

Where shall I start? Well, look at the name she chose for her son.

Avery? Yes.

She named him after a mother, a woman.

clearly expressing the desire that her boy be a girl. To me, this reflects a

confusion over her own sexual identity.

Very interesting. You're not suggesting that Murphy might secretly be a

transsexual? Well, I wasn't able to get her medical records, but it wouldn't

surprise me if they showed some chromosomal abnormalities. But keep in

are dealing with a delusional, manic -depressive sociopath with eating

disorders. And you're basing that on... Her handwriting.

And her table manners.

Very telling.

Well, there you have it.

Murphy Brown, The Tragic Untold Story.

And, Murphy, if you are watching at home, please, please get some

help. Or please come on the show and share your pain with us.

And that's exactly why I don't want to do one of those books. You're just

setting yourself up for public humiliation. You don't know that, Murph.

sounds to me like this guy wants to write a perfectly legitimate biography

you. Well, of course he's going to sound legitimate in his letter, Frank. That's

how these guys gain your trust.

So you give them free access to your life, and then one day you come home and

find him bouncing up and down on your bed wearing a pair of your underpants as

hat.

Sure, that's one of the risks. Come on!

This is Marshall Corwin we're talking about here. He wrote that new biography

Robert Oppenheimer, father of the atom bomb.

Excellent book.

Smart book. Have you read it? Really thick book.

I read it. What? The whole thing?

No, Frank.

My lips got tired after the third chapter.

Yes, I read the whole thing.

I love biography.

Murphy, if you're lucky, yours can combine the historic scope of Eleanor

Roosevelt with the bittersweet irony of the Charlene Tilton story.

Make sure they put a lot of pictures in the middle.

Marcel Proust didn't do that. Made it really boring.

Well, listen, thanks for your advice, guys, but you know how I feel.

Journalists should report the story, not be the story. The fact is the public

likes knowing something personal about the people who bring them their news. It

humanizes them, makes them more approachable. Oh, yeah, that's just what

more approachable. Like people don't already feel comfortable enough to...

Coming up to me on the street to tell me I look bonier in person.

Look, Murph, somebody is going to write a book about you sooner or later whether

you're content to it or not. At least this way you've got a little input as to

how it turns out.

I don't know.

Jim, you've been awfully quiet. What do you think I should do?

I understand your reluctance, Murphy.

Books of this ilk always strike me as a trifle undignified. That's why I've

turned down offers.

Many offers.

tempting offers.

Of course, Walter Cronkite's delightful little confessional hit the stands, and

lo and behold, apparently all my bad stories happened to Walter and not to

Oh, the most trusted man in America, my Aunt Fanny.

You watch what you say when you're at his dinner table, and if he offers you a

cocktail to loosen you up... Jim, Jim, Jim, I'm double parked, yes or no?

Do it, Murphy.

Do it before the jackals find a way to steal your life, too.

If you're looking for your biographer, I'd set him at your usual table.

He's not my biographer. I just agreed to meet with him, that's all.

Besides, Phil, if anybody should do a book, it's you.

Oh, I've thought about it.

Someday I may actually do it.

Hell, what I know about the Nixon years alone would put Phyllis and me into that

Winnebago we've always dreamed about.

Just the two of us gliding down the highway, miles and miles of open road.

Miles and miles of Phyllis yelping in my ear, mooing at every damn cow we pass.

Oh, yes.

I'm going to write that book real soon.

Hi. Marshall Corwin. Murphy Brown. Thanks for meeting with me. Oh, it's a

pleasure. You've done some very impressive work, especially that

biography. Oh, you read that, did you?

Well... No, of course you didn't. It was too long.

I told my editor to cut me. Cut me till I bleed. But did she listen? No.

Who cares? It was on the bestseller list for 12 weeks. It could have gone 14, 15

weeks. Easy.

But another one of those damn Garfield books came out.

What do you think?

Have you succumbed to my charms yet?

Are you going to let me do the book?

Oh, yeah.

Happy guy, aren't you?

Why should I be? I'm in the presence of a television news legend whose life

story demands to be written.

I'm very flattered, Marshall, but I... I have to be straight with you. I really

don't know. You don't know if you want to have this book written at all. I

and I can tell you why.

You don't need the publicity.

You don't want your privacy invaded.

You're afraid it might be a hatchet job, and you don't feel it's a place for the

journalist to be the story.

Wow. That's pretty much it in a nutshell.

I was right.

This is so exciting.

You know, you have a hunch, you take a shot, you try to get into your subject's

mind, but before you all, all my subjects have been dead.

You're a real character, Marshall.

So you're saying that I'm going to be able to do the book? No, I'm saying

a real character, Marshall.

So, we both know the reasons why I shouldn't cooperate with the book, but

still don't know any compelling reasons why you should. Boy, you live ones are

tough.

Let me just put it this way. For you, the book is not so much an indulgence as

it is an obligation.

And how do you figure that?

The kids.

What's the rule, Marshall? ...for kids coming up today in broadcast journalism.

The people who pass for reporters on hard copy in The Current Affair.

You were the first person who ever interviewed Nixon after his resignation.

You were the one who brought the SNL scandal to national attention.

You, Murphy Brown, you're someone who in a different era would have been

referred to as a real broad.

The gutsy, hard -hitting woman who entered the male -dominated field of

television journalism and rose to the top without making any compromises.

The story I want to tell?

Well, you're not trying to snow me, and I respect that.

What do you say?

I don't know.

You're asking me to put my trust in you. That's not something I do easily.

I mean, you're looking at someone who marks the inside of the ice cream

containers before the cleaning lady comes.

I understand your fears. I can't dismiss them, but I can promise you whatever I

write will be fair, honest, and unbiased. Yeah, well, that still doesn't

you want to see your life detected on Sally Jesse Raphael.

Who's Sally Jesse Raphael?

Congratulations, Marshall, you got yourself a book.

The deadline pressure was intense, and as a female, I knew I had to do quite as

well as a guy to get any respect.

Then I found out that the hot shot possessed next to me was going after the

story. So I did the only thing I could. I marched into the school library and

checked out all five copies of Tom Edison, Boy Genius.

That little weasel was stuck doing his book report on Squanto, the first

Thanksgiving.

You getting all this, Marshall? Oh, every word.

I think I'm going to have to run down to Radio Shack and get some more

cassettes. I'm guessing my 12 -pack won't even get us to puberty.

After the second, 1961, but we'll get to that.

I can't wait.

You know, I do have to check with my editor, though.

Oh, here, why don't you use my phone?

Then when you get back, we can move on to the fourth grade. Let's see, won a

jello slurping contest and bloodied Bobby Zarwell's nose. That was a big

Hey, guys, friendly piece of advice? Get someone to write a book about you. This

is so great, I'm remembering things I haven't thought about in years.

Unless I missed my guess, this is Murphy's way of thanking us for

to do the book. Of course, being Murphy, she'd manage to do that without using

the words thank or you.

That is where you're wrong, Frank. Thank you. Thank you all.

Oh, my God! She said it!

Miss Brown, my editor's cleared me for another hundred pages. That means your

great -grandfather O 'Casey's struggle against the Tweed Barons has a chance.

Say, you know, since I'm in the office, would you mind if I took a little time

to talk to some of your peers? Sure, assuming you can find any.

These guys would be happy to talk to you, right, guys?

Absolutely.

Okay.

Here, why don't I just run over to Phil's, grab some lunch, and do a little

work? That way you'll feel free to say whatever you want.

Just remember, anyone using the words dazzling, brilliant, and insightful in

same sentence will not be disappointed come Christmas time.

Well, thank you. Thank you for taking the time to talk to me. You know, in the

few days I've spent with Murphy, a couple of things have made themselves

glaringly obvious.

She's the world's safest driver, and she has the finest singing voice east of

the Mississippi.

I heard laughing. Laughing is good, as are the words dazzling, brilliant, and

insightful.

Well,

what qualities would you say make Murphy the journalist she is?

Well, why don't I just start? Since I've known Murph the longest, then probably

know her the best.

I think what makes her so good is that she's tough.

Yes. Definitely.

Oh, yes. The woman has the tenacity of a pit bull.

That's pretty tough.

Oh, yeah. You get in Murphy's way when she's chasing a story. She'll run you

down. Then she'll back over you just to make sure you're dead.

Good and dead. Oh, yeah. She is tough.

But not too tough.

Not too tough?

No, but not un -tough.

Just the right amount of tough.

Normal tough. Right, guys?

Normal tough.

Well, for the sake of time, we'll just say tough.

Well, what was your first impression of Murphy when you met her?

My first impression of Murphy was that she carried herself with a lot of

confidence, which really impressed me because I was just this wide -eyed girl

from Louisiana.

You can imagine my amazement when I saw Murphy firing her third secretary that

week. Three secretaries? Boy, it must have been some week. Are you kidding?

That's something you should ask Frank about.

After all, he hasn't known her the longest. Probably knows her the best.

I wasn't here that day.

Well, thank you. That's terrific.

Tell me, though, you know, she always seems so composed, so professional.

Does she ever lose her cool?

No.

Any of us in this pressure cooker of a business we call broadcast journalism is

going to have days or even weeks when our professional demeanor is not as

perfect as we'd like.

That's interesting. Can you elaborate?

No.

Really? I don't think you're getting the full picture. I mean, there are so many

aspects to Murphy we haven't told you about. Many. Many. Such as?

Her hair.

Oh, my.

Yes.

She can arrange it in any number of ways.

And let's not forget her fun side.

Good. By all means, let's hear about it. That woman knows how to enjoy life.

Take the 1980 Republican Convention in Detroit. Oh, man, that was one wild

Murphy gets to the airport around midnight, goes directly to the VIP party

the Sheraton. After about an hour... No, wait, no, no.

I'm wrong, no.

That wasn't Murphy. No, that was Connie Chung.

Murphy doesn't have a fun side.

Well, uh...

Just to shift gears a bit, how does Murphy react to criticism?

I'm no car expert.

Hey, guys, how'd the interviews go?

I'm just reading through some of my old journals. This one's from the summer I

interned with Eric Severide. Listen to this.

August 28th, 1969.

Snuck onto the set after everyone had gone home.

sat in Mr. Severide's chair and did my own version of the commentary.

Memo to myself.

Next time, make sure boss's car has left the parking lot. Start looking for new

internship. Put fish in Severide's trunk.

That was cute.

Adorable. We don't think you should do the book.

What? What are you talking about? I think what Jim is trying to say is that

maybe now is not the best time to do a biography on Murphy Brown.

Oh, and when would be a good time? When you're dead.

When we're all dead.

But anyone who might possibly want to read this book is dead.

But that would be a good time. There you go.

Well, this is just great. One day you're telling me do this, the next day you're

telling me don't.

Throw in a bunch of half -even Big Macs and George Stephanopoulos bragging about

how chicks dig his hair. I'd swear I was in a White House staff meeting.

Mophie, we had no idea he was going to be asking us all sorts of loaded

questions. Like what?

Like what kind of person you are, what it's like working with you. What were we

supposed to tell him? Well, how about the truth? Geez, we're talking about me

here. I'd turn her.

The truth is good in theory, Murphy, but it's a little different when you start

picturing how these things will look in black and white.

Remember the time you threw that coffee mug at my head?

Oh, that way y 'all laughed about that.

Yet in print, that gesture might lose some of its whimsical charm.

Oh, come on. I missed, didn't I?

There were a lot of stories when you didn't miss. Murphy, you don't know what

it's like. You'd think because we interview people all the time, we'd know

exactly what to say, but...

Then you hear yourself answering more than you should. Things start to slip

Things like the convention story. How would you feel about seeing that in

Well, I think put in the appropriate context, given the proper thin, told

the right amount of humor, I'd be fine seeing the convention story in print.

You didn't tell him the convention story.

That's the point. It was three hours of not telling stories about you. Just

think what it's going to be like when Marshall interviews other people. People

who don't love you.

People don't care about you. People aren't afraid of you.

You know, you guys are something else. I mean, sure, Marshall might come across

a few people with a score to settle, and yes, I've done a couple of things I

might not do again, but don't you think I took all that into consideration when

I decided to do this?

I have no intention of pulling out of this book. I'm proud of my life and what

I've accomplished.

I have nothing to be ashamed of.

What kind of journalist is Murphy Brown? Well, she's thorough, resourceful,

articulate.

And when it comes to a one -on -one interview, she is almost as good as I

Almost.

Murphy's an outstanding reporter. She's got a good nose for a story, and she's

very aggressive.

Very competitive.

She's very competitive.

She's brutally competitive at times.

Competitive?

Privacious. The Soviet Union was collapsing, and we found ourselves on

flight to Moscow, going after an exclusive interview with Gorbachev.

When we landed, she told the airport security guard I was smuggling in blue

jeans and Michael Jackson tapes.

She got Gorbachev, and I got a guard named Mikolai with cold hands and a bad

attitude. I made the mistake once of dozing off next to her on the press bus

during the Mondale campaign.

And when I woke up, my taped interview with Geraldine Ferraro had mysteriously

turned into two hours of Forrest Sawyer and Brit Hume playing license plate

bingo. She'll do anything for an interview.

She wants to offer Lech Bowenza free use of her Martha's Vineyard beach house.

Of course, she doesn't have a Martha's Vineyard beach house, which is why my

grandchildren walked into our place to find the leader of Solidarity Boiling

Lobsters wearing nothing but my kiss -the -cook apron.

I saw her pushing none once.

I'd beaten Murphy out on three stories in a row, so she wasn't speaking to me.

Then I got an interview with Aretha Franklin. Suddenly, Murphy's my best

She asked me for Aretha's home phone number, and foolishly, I gave it to her.

And guess what?

I haven't heard from Murphy since, which, if you know Murphy, is a

But I sure heard from Aretha.

I'm sorry, but I make it a policy never to discuss my colleagues.

I'm sure you understand.

I wouldn't give her an interview during the Bork hearings.

She had pizzas delivered to my house every hour on the hour for three

days. Well, I wouldn't give her an interview during the Clarence Thomas

hearings.

And she had Chinese food delivered to my house every hour on the hour for three

straight days.

I saw her push a nun once.

My wife and I shared a table with her at a White House dinner in the early 80s.

When Elizabeth and I got up to dance, she ate both our sherbets.

Of course she denied it, which is pretty shameless considering how orange her

tongue was.

Nancy Reagan once told me that they wouldn't have had to replace the White

China if Murphy didn't have such a big purse.

Her personal life.

Oh, boy, where do you begin?

No, I mean it. I don't want to talk about her.

I admire how she's turned her life around.

But in the old days, how should I put this?

Let's just say Murphy never missed a trip to the Punchbowl.

It was hard to get close to Murphy back then. I mean, let's face it. There was a

time when her three best friends were Jim Beam, Johnny Walker, and old

I remember one St. Patrick's Day party, she became convinced that Ted Koppel was

a leprechaun.

She spent the entire evening following him around, trying to rub his head for

luck.

If there's one thing you learn in this business, it's that you don't mess with

couples' hair.

I saw her push a nun once.

I will not talk about her. You don't know what she's like. She's vindictive.

She'll do things.

You can try a restraining order. You can try moving.

But she always finds you.

I can't put my family through that again.

Well, I don't like to judge people, but the woman's done a few things that make

me blush.

And I was in the service.

I'm sure you've heard about her behavior at the 1980 Republican Convention.

I can barely hear the name Murphy Brown without thinking about the 1980

Republican Convention.

But I really don't think it's appropriate to go into that.

And then there's the convention story.

Has anyone else brought that up?

The convention story?

It's really not my place to discuss that.

Oh, yes.

The convention story.

Well, as a gentleman, it's not a story I feel comfortable telling.

But then again, she always says the public has a right to know.

How much tape do you have there?

It's one thing to have led a colorful life. It's another thing to realize that

your kid's going to be old enough to read about it someday.

I can't do this book.

What am I thinking?

Would you tell me that?

You know, I am not buying this silent routine.

I bet you can talk.

I'm guessing I leave here in the morning, you and Eldon have a cup of

read the papers, and just chat till I get home, am I right?

Oh, well, it's you.

You know, ever since we started watching 101 Dalmatians, I've been having these

dreams that Cruella de Vil comes and takes them away.

And at this time of night, I must admit, there's a rather unsettling

resemblance.

I got some painting I have to finish. Good night, dear little man.

Eldon, wait.

Wait.

You know, this isn't the easiest thing for me to talk about, but, um... Well,

listen, you've done some things in your life you're not exactly proud of, right?

Look, if you're talking about that pair of pantyhose, I only borrowed them to

strain a can of very lumpy paint, and I can't believe you were still wearing

them anyway. The entire left foot was gone.

Get the pantyhose.

I'm talking about life choices, you know, things you might have said or done

imbibed when you were younger, things you might not be so proud of now.

Well, look, I'm not going to tell you that I'm thrilled with everything I've

ever done, but the way I look at it, if you don't look back with some regrets...

It probably wasn't that much of a life to begin with anyway.

Yeah, well, that's easy for you to say. You weren't stupid enough to agree to a

biography. Your kid's not going to be standing around at recess while his

friends ask if they could come over and see his mother do what's described on

page 146.

Look, it's 3 a .m., and little Avery's not the only one losing interest with

this conversation.

So, let me leave you with this thought.

If you do your job right, Avery's not going to have to read some book to

whether or not he likes you.

I guess you have a point. Besides, at a certain age, kids think everything their

parents do is stupid. In your case, forget about it.

Mike, it's Murphy.

I know, I know. I'm sorry to wake you up. I just wanted to tell you, a guy is

going to be calling you. He's doing a book on me. He has my full cooperation.

So just feel free to tell him whatever you want.

But if you should happen to forget the convention story, I'll make sure that

that tape of you singing I Enjoy Being a Girl on the Press Post never sees the

light of day.

Okay, great. Thanks. Go back to sleep.

Leslie, hi.

I'm sorry. I know it's late. I'm sorry. I just wanted to tell you, there's a guy

who's going to be calling you. He's doing a book on me, but he has my phone

number.

Morley? I know you're there, Morley.

Pick up the phone.

Don't test me, Morley. I can wait all night.

Morley? If you don't pick up the phone, I'm going to start singing.

Hi.

I'm sorry. I know. It's like, listen, I just wanted to tell you, a guy is doing

a book about me. He's going to be calling you. So just feel free. Tell him

whatever you want.